Go Retro

I like retro clothing. I am sure that my circa 1960 upbringing has something to do with my penchant for fashion from the '50's and '60's.

Recently, I discovered Unique Vintage, an online store that sells clothing in styles from the 1920's to 1960's. Some of their clothing would be more appropriate for a costume party, for example, their flapper dresses from the 1920's. However, I would feel very comfortable wearing a lot of their clothing on the street, for example, their floral draped shoulder "Sophia" wiggle dress from their 1950 collection (pictured to the right).

Good news is that their prices are reasonable ($68 for the wiggle dress) and they carry plus sizes for girls like us.

I cannot speak for their quality because I have not yet personally sampled their products, but I plan to do so real soon now.

Wearing Petersyn top, FRAME jeans, Jimmy Choo wedges and Le Specs Luxe sunglasses (Source: Intermix).

The always lovely Faith DeBrooke modeling a gown at the Bettie Page store.

Sandra Cole Will Be Missed

Sandra Cole died on Monday.

When I went to Fantasia Fair for the first time back in 2008, I attended a group session for trans people who were attending Fantasia Fair without their Significant Others (SOs). Titled "Cinderella - Alone in Paradise," the session was run by Sandra Cole, who according to the Fantasia Fair website "is a sexologist, nationally AASECT Certified as a sex educator and sex counselor, and for thirty-eight years has been faculty in University academic medicine. For the past 25 years she has been friend and colleague with the transgender community, working with transgender individuals and their partners on topics of sexual health, intimacy and relationships. Over a period of 20 years she has conducted scores of important group discussions at Fantasia Fair, where she experiences many wonderful friendships, amazing programs and creative events."

Six of us attended the session and we each poured our hearts out telling our stories about our relations with our SOs. I broke down near the end of my turn to speak. I am not going into details except to say that Sandra was very supportive of me and said that considering my circumstances (which she said were "difficult"), there is nothing wrong in what I do in order to be the real me. She made me feel great about what I do and I am so glad that I decided at the last minute to attend her group session instead of attending the "Fierce Evening Makeup" presentation.

The session went 30 minutes over its two-hour allotment and I think we all would have been willing to stay and talk things out longer except that we all had other commitments.

I will always be indebted to Sandra for running the group session and relieving me of some of the guilt that weighed me down for a very long time.

God bless you, Sandra Cole.

Wearing Nine west (Source: Nine West).

Thomas Kuc and Benjamin Flores, Jr. in a 2016 episode of television's Game Shakers. (Thank you Zoe!)

Don't Age Yourself!

"5 Ways Your Makeup Might Be Aging You" by Jenny Jin is a informative article that appeared on PureWow a few days ago.

So yesterday, I received a Facebook message from a girl who wondered about my birth year (1951). She was one year younger and claimed that I "don't show any bit of age." She was "growing dismayed" because she just looks old and wanted to know what I have done to look so young.

I told her that 1951 was correct. And then I explained that I never smoked and seldom drink alcoholic beverages (maybe one bottle of beer per month). Also, I watch my weight and have weighed the same (plus or minus 5 pounds) for most of my adult life (actually, I now weigh minus 10 pounds).

I moisturize my face and neck every morning and use eye cream to minimize wrinkles (I have been doing that for about ten years).

And as luck would have it, I already avoid 4 out of the 5 ways makeup might be aging me, as described in Jenny Jin's article referenced above. And I plan on making that 5 out of 5 as soon as possible.

Wearing Veronica Beard (Source: Veronica Beard).

Lilo Wanders, professional femulator

Give Me Credit

Jan has a credit card in her female name. Recently, the credit card company asked for proof (Social Security number) that she is indeed Jan.

The problem is that Jan is legally a male; all her government paperwork indicates that she is male and that male is not named "Jan."

The credit card company does not care one iota that Jan is transgender and that Jan is her trans-female name.

No resolution in Jan's favor seems to be in sight.

I don't know what Jan's male first name is, but my male and female first names start with the same letter (S), so I have credit cards using just the initial of my first name with my last name. That works for me in girl and boy mode and probably would work for anybody with male and female names starting with the same letter.

And if a credit card company asks for proof that I am S, I've got that covered.

Wearing Venus (source: Venus).

The cast of Northeastern University's 1924 all male production of the musical comedy Listening In (source: Northeastern University Library).

Happy Mother's Day

"Everyone thinks we're sisters, but actually, we're mother and son." (from New Yorker)

(I have told this story here on past Mother's Days, so you may have read it before and I apologize for the rerun. But just like some of the reruns on television, some are worth repeating.)

Mom was the most influential person in my life and influenced my penchant for crossdressing in a number of ways.

She was beautiful and did not need makeup. Lipstick, powder, and rouge were all she ever used. I know because I enjoyed watching her put on her minimal makeup.

She always dressed like a fashionable lady and that was difficult to accomplish because money was tight when I was a kid. As a result, Mom sewed her own clothes, as well as clothes for my sister. 

I guess I was jealous of my sister and wished that Mom would sew something for me, but there were few sewing patterns for boys' clothing. However, I would have been perfectly happy if she sewed a pretty dress for me like she did for my sister.

My Dad was a great guy, but he was not around much when I was growing up. He worked all the overtime he could get to make ends meet. For a few years, he also had a second job. 

I can remember way back to my earliest memories when I actually thought that my father was a visitor because his appearances at home during my waking hours were so rare. So, during my formative years, Dad was at work, while my Mom was at home raising my sister and me.

Since I was raised in an environment where the father figure was absent most of the time, it is no wonder that I tended to follow in the footsteps of the only parental figure available to me, my Mom. As a result, I admired her and wanted to do the things she did. I did not know it at the time, but she was my role model.

I was a creative kid and Mom encouraged my creative side. I loved sports, especially baseball, but I was not very good at it (I could hit the ball a mile, but I threw "like a girl"). So early on, I knew what my strengths were. 

I spent a lot of time writing and drawing and my mother supported and encouraged me. Eventually, I became a successful professional writer with a lot of thanks going to Mom.

I looked like my Mom's side of the family and inherited many of her features like her long legs and her facial features. When I do my makeup just so, I look a lot like her; people would mistake us for mother and daughter, i.e., if she were alive and I dressed en femme in her presence.

Besides influencing my creative side, she also influenced my penchant for being feminine.

Mom often commented that because I had such nice legs, I should have been a girl. If she had made that comment once, I probably would have forgotten about it, but it seemed to me that she made that comment whenever she saw my legs bare. Don't you think that may have influenced me?

She also made comments about the way I walked. She said I "tippy-toed," i.e., I walked on my toes. I assumed from her comments that tippy-toeing was not the correct way for a male to walk, but I did not know how to walk any other way. She never showed me how I was supposed to walk, so I just kept on tippy-toeing.

I don't tippy-toe any longer. As I grew older, I must have figured out how to walk like a male. However, all my early years tippy-toeing may have facilitated my walking in high heels because ever since I slipped on my first pair of pumps, I never had a problem walking in heels.

I did not think that Mom knew about my crossdressing, because she never broached the subject despite the fact that I often got into her stuff and even ruined some items that I found out the hard way, were too small for me. I was very much in the closet then and I was just as happy that she did not know. But, she knew.

As newlyweds, my wife and I crossdressed for a Halloween party and when I mentioned our party plans to Mom over the phone, she asked if I had taken my box of "stuff" with me when I moved out.

I don't recall my response, but at that moment, I knew she knew. She never mentioned it again and neither did I.

However, once in awhile right up to her death, she would ask me, "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

I always thought she was referring to my crossdressing when she asked and I always said, "No."

In retrospect, I wish I had confided in Mom about me becoming a woman. She was so loving and so supportive that I think she would have helped me. (She was a great seamstress by the way and I can only dream about the outfits she might have sewn for her male daughter.) But, I did not confide in her and I regret it now.

But, if there is a heaven, I am sure Mom smiles down on me when she sees her firstborn dressed en femme enjoying her time as a woman.

So, Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

Your Loving Daughter,

Stana

Wearing BB Dakota (source: ShopBop).

Mother and her son, a womanless beauty pageant contestant

...and someone's got to do it!

Wearing Rachel Zoe (source: Rachel Zoe).

Yasuka Saito

Transition of Transition

It seems to me (with emphasis on "to me") that the meaning of "transition" has changed over time.

In olden days when I still lived in a closet, transition meant that you took hormones, had surgery and did all that the law allowed to officially change your name and sex designation.

Today, the definition of "transition" is a lot looser. You don't have to take hormones and/or you don't have to have surgery and/or you don't have to legally change your name or sex designation. You don't even have to live full-time in your trans gender.

So I guess I transitioned some time ago and didn't even know it!

Regarding my transition, one thing I would do differently is not change my first name and use Stanley rather than Stana.

And so it goes.

Thought for the Day

And so it goes.

(Source: Harper's BAZAAR)

Robert Caso femulating in the 1993 film The Naked Truth.

Winding Down

Ten work days left, then I'm out of here! What a great feeling!

Only ten more commutes to work. Good riddance to all you tailgaters on Route 322!

It is so nice to be able to ignore e-mails and meetings at work regarding stuff that will have no import until after I exit.

I will finish my last writing project today, so then I will switch to maintenance mode and organize my files for the two writers who will replace me. Also, I can start going through the stuff in my office (20 years' worth) and decide what to take home and what to throw out.

Meanwhile, my old boss came by yesterday and invited me to go out to dinner to celebrate. She also invited my previous old boss to the celebration. Problem is that their schedules won't permit us to get together until after I leave, so we will do dinner in June.

I came out to both of my former bosses years ago and they always encouraged me to dress as a woman at work for Halloween. In fact, they were both fine with me dressing as a woman all the time at work if that is what I chose to do. Needless to say, I will be presenting as a woman when we do go out to dinner next month.

Thought for the Day

If I knew then what I know now, I would have been sitting to pee like forever.

Needle & Thread jacket, Zimmermann bralette, 10 Crosby Derek Lan shorts and Vita Fede sunglasses (source: Intermix).

Lee Pace femulating in the 2003 film Soldier's Girl.

Jorgensen at the Jorgensen

I am a graduate of the University of Connecticut, UConn, class of 1973 (yes, I am old!). When I attended UConn, I was an aspiring writer and considered journalism as an outlet for my writing talent. So, I took a journalism class (and soon discovered that I did not want to be a journalist).

Our professor randomly assigned stories to us budding reporters. One assignment was to report on a lecture by Christine Jorgensen that the famous transwoman was presenting at UConn's Jorgensen Auditorium (no, the auditorium was not named after her).

As a closeted crossdressing 21-year-old, I was thrilled with the assignment (Ms. Jorgensen was one of my heroines), but I had to feign disinterest so as not to give anything away! In fact, I was so closeted that I feared that if anyone found out that I attended the lecture, I would become a marked man/transwoman.

I had seen photos, but had never encountered a trans-person in person, at least, not to my knowledge. Seeing Christine up on the stage giving her talk was my first trans-encounter and it was a very positive experience. There was no doubt in my mind that Christine was really a woman and it gave me pause that maybe I was one, too.

Wearing Nine West (source: Nine West).

Adam Mišík and Petr Rychlý as Petr Janů and Petr Janda on Czech Republic's version of Your Face Sounds Familiar.

Failures in Femulation : Bad Hair Daze

Caveat emptor: I have no formal training in the arts related to femulation. However, I do have over 50 years experience practicing those arts and have become so adept at them that I pass more often than not.

Inexpensive wigs are attractive to femulators because they are inexpensive. Their attractiveness ends there because a cheap wig by any other name is still a cheap wig.

When you wear a cheap wig, there is no fooling anyone that the hair on your head is fake. And when people see that you are wearing a wig, they might examine you more closely and find other clues that give away your natal gender.

I have owned a few cheap wigs in my time and I have photos wearing those cheap wigs that convinced me to go upscale in the wig department. “Upscale” meant spending $99 rather than $49 for a wig.

It was an improvement, but not good enough. A $99 wig was still relatively inexpensive for a wig (it was just a more expensive "cheap" wig).

Also, I did not know what wig was best for me. I tried different styles, different lengths, and different colors, but always avoided blond shades and short lengths.

I avoided blonds because I thought that blond was oh so drag. All the boys who wanted to be girls wanted to be blond girls.

Also, I avoided short lengths because I thought my head was too big to be properly covered with a short wig.

A trip to a pro convinced me otherwise.

A local wig shop often hosts a meeting of my support group. A few years ago, I was the hostess, which meant that I showed up early to bring the refreshments. I had no intention of buying a wig; it was just another opportunity to be out en femme, so I was happy to be the hostess and not necessarily a wig customer.

We had an excellent turn-out and new wigs were flying out the door throughout the evening. As things were winding down, the wig shop owner, Kathy, said it was my turn. She sat me down at a mirror and went to the back room to fetch a wig she thought would be perfect for me.

A few minutes later, she returned with a short blond wig.

I thought to myself, "Oh no, she's is making a mistake."

She pulled the wig over my head, finger-combed it a bit and then let me look in the mirror.

In a very soft voice, I said, "Oh, my god!"

The wig looked absolutely fabulous on me and I did not think twice about purchasing it.

That wig ("Ryan" by Noriko on my head in the photo above) was not cheap by any means, but it was worth every penny. It pushed my femulation skills up a few notches.

I lost count how many times people complimented me about my hair and how many times those same people were shocked to find out I was wearing a wig. (I never received such reactions wearing my $99 wigs.)

So the bottom line is (1) seek out a professional wig seller for advice concerning the best wig color, style and length for you and (2) be willing to spend much more than $99 for a wig.

Thought for the Day

Femulating is hard work, but I love my job!

Wearing Saylor (source: Rent the Runway).

Will Forte femulating on television's 30 Rock.