Have a Wild Weekend*

Source: Vaunt Magazine

Check out Vaunt Magazine.

"Vaunt is the world’s first publication celebrating the most beautiful androgynous males from across the globe. Our daring photo shoots crush gender boundaries and offer a new vision of beauty, glamour, elegance, sensuality and fashion sensibility. From the shores of the Far East and cities of Europe to Latin America and across the USA, Vaunt shines a light on the amazing depth and breadth of androgynous male beauty that exists."

* * *

Also check out "The One Thing You're Doing Wrong When Tweezing Your Brows" over at Pure Wow dot Com.

The method described in this article is exactly the way I have been dealing with my brows for quite a awhile.

"It’s all about perspective." From a few feet back, no one will notice those tiny strays you didn't pluck! Honest ― they won't!

* * *

Metisu is a new-to-me online merchant of womenswear (see example below in the Femulate Her slot). They have a nice selection of reasonably-priced clothing in big gurl sizes.

I have not made a purchase yet, so I have no opinion on the quality of their merchandise, but I may take a flyer soon.

Daniel Ferreira (Source: Vaunt Magazine)

Wearing Metisu.

A 21st Century Femulator (Source: Pinterest)

* While you still can!

Shoe Shopping

The caption above is so true! So I bought a new pair to add to my hundred-plus pairs of heels, flats and everything in between.

My new shoes are from Payless, their Haddie T-strap heel in black patent. The shoe is a throwback to styles of the late 1960s and in fact, is a dead ringer for the shoes I wore the first time I stepped out dressed as a woman. 

I had been eyeing Haddie ever since Payless introduced her a few months ago, but I held off making a purchase until it went on sale. My patience paid off and I bought Haddie for $14.99 ― $20 off the original price!

Wearing Vensette.

Death of a Nation

The country I loved died last night. May God damn everyone who killed it.

Bad Encounters

Starla wrote, "Having followed your public femulating excursions over the years, it seems like you pretty much either pass, or don't pass, but have positive encounters, all the time. Or so it seems.

"My question is: have you ever had a negative encounter? One in which words were said or glances shot that made you feel uncomfortable and concerned. Maybe even at some point feeling like your safety may be threatened?

"I only ask because almost none of us, no matter how passing we look and/or how confident we feel, has 100% always positive interactions. You may be an exception, but if you have ever had negative encounters, how you handled them could be very instructive for those with far less public experience."

I get referred to as "he" or "him" occasionally and that pisses me off especially if it occurs in a business spending where I am spending my money. At least give the customer the benefit of the doubt! Worst case... I was going to a transgender conference, checking in at the hotel hosting the event. I'm en femme and the woman checking me in at the hotel refers to me as male. The hotel is hosting a trans conference! You would think the staff would have been more supportive. Admittedly, this was in the mid-1990's and folks were not as enlightened about transpeople as they are today.

Being mis-gendered is not a big deal and certainly not life-threatening. I usually don't do anything about it and often times, they correct themselves and switch to female pronouns without me saying anything.

I can recall only two occasions that were very negative encounters.

1) I was staffing my support group's table at the True Colors Conference, which is for LGBT school-age kids. A high school or college aged person with special needs came by and loudly started giving me a hard time about being a "he-she." I was more embarrassed than anything and just tried to ignore him. Ignoring him worked; he finally gave up and went away.

2) After a support group meeting, a bunch of us went to a gay bar which had drag shows. It was located in a seedy section of Hartford. That was back when smoking was still allowed in Connecticut bars. I did not enjoy the thick smoke (it always stunk up my clothes and wigs), so I high-heeled it out of there after 30 minutes or so.

As I exited, a guy started following me, while yelling, "Are you in the show?" mistaking me for one a the drag queens. My car was parked a block away and I walked as fast as I could in heels. My follower followed me about half way and gave up when it was obvious I wanted nothing to do with him. That was very scary. If there was a next time, I would have asked the bar for an escort to my car, but I never went back.

I have been engaging civilians en femme for about 30 years and thankfully, I have had very few bad encounters. I attribute my success to my presentation. Sometimes I may pass, but most of the time, I feel that my presentation is just good enough so that people who have doubts don't dare vocalize their suspicions because (1) they are not sure their suspicions are correct or (2) they are too polite to say or do anything or (3) they don't care (let it be).

Wearing Eloquii.

John Ritter femulates on television's Three's Company.

trump's America

From today's The Tennessean...

A transgender woman's truck was spray painted with the words "Trump" and torched in her driveway as she and her 3-year-old son were inside their Cookeville (Tennessee) home early Saturday morning.

The victim said police told her Monday morning that they are investigating the incident as a hate crime.

A spokesperson with the Putnam County Sheriff's Office confirmed they received a report of the burned and painted truck early Saturday morning and are investigating. But the office did not return a message about whether they are investigating the incident as a hate crime.

Because the incident may have been a hate crime, The Tennessean is identifying the victim as "Elle."

Elle said she heard a noise outside her home at about 3:30 a.m. She went out and saw the door to her 2006 Harley Davidson edition F-150 pickup truck open. Thinking she'd forgotten to lock or close the door, Elle shut the door and went back inside.

About 30 minutes later, she said she heard a horn honk and looked outside to see her truck engulfed in flames.

"Most of (the paint) got burned off, but one of the police officers pointed out that it said 'Trump' on the hood and the back," Elle said. She said she had no idea who would have done this.

“It just breaks my heart every time I walk past the driveway.”

She said her toddler is still frightened.

A disabled veteran, Elle served eight years in the U.S. Army. She was medically retired in 2007 after suffering from a severe brain injury and post-traumatic stress disorder while on tour in Iraq in 2004.

While she said she hasn't experienced any discrimination in Cookeville since she came out two years ago, traveling outside of the city has proven dangerous.

"I’ve been in altercations out of town because I’m transgendered," Elle said. "The last altercation was there (in Crossville) when a man took a swing at me in a bathroom."

There are no Hillary Clinton signs on her lawn or in her windows, although she said she is active on social media against Donald Trump. She said a Trump presidency would harm the LGBTQ community.

Elle said she would like to ask the person or people who committed the crime why they did it.

"I’m just trying to live my life," she said. "I wouldn’t hurt anyone."

Fill It Up

As I mentioned in my live blog on Halloween, I stopped at a gas station to fill up before I drove to work.

“I went to the gas station I normally go to. There were no other customers, so I pulled up to the gas pump I usually use, filled up and walked inside to pay up.

“The woman who runs the place recognized my car, so she knew who I was underneath my feminine finery, but she said I looked ‘spectacular’ and that she would date me!”

So on Saturday, I returned to the gas station for my car’s weekly fill-up and touched base with the woman who runs the place.

She said she did recognize my car when I pulled up to the pump, but she did not recognize the woman driving it! She assumed someone else was driving my car.

While I was pumping gas, I waved to her and she thought that I looked familiar, but she was clueless until went inside to pay up and asked, “Do you know who I am?”

Only then did she figure me out.

On Saturday, she again praised me for my “costume,” asked how my feet put up with heels all day long and added that I could get a job as a drag queen in Kinky Boots!

Wearing Veronica Beard.

Dale Carmen femulates on stage in The Silver Cord (2013).

Passing

By Starla, Femulate Contributing Editor

Passing. One of the first "jargon" terms a novice crossdresser learns.

No matter one's nature, "passing" is relevant to all of us. Some strive to perfect their appearance to the nth degree, wishing nothing more than the ability to safely mingle with the public and avoid attention and scrutiny. Others don't mind being read, regarding each such incident as a "teaching moment." Still others hate the term with a passion. ("The opposite of  'pass' is 'fail,' a friend once told me. "I don't regard getting read as a failure.") But, really, we don't understand the whole phenomenon, and conventional wisdom is usually wrong, or at least misguided.

One thing that many misunderstand is that "passing" does not necessarily equal "pretty." Old chestnut proverbs like "Pretty is as pretty does" and "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" are more than just trite aphorisms. There's some truth there, yes, but it ain't quite that simple. (Nothing ever is.)

This is a tale of two friends from my support group days.

Gurl #1 was an older, not very educated soul from what some would call "the wrong side of the tracks." She lived in perpetual poverty and want, scraping by on her wits and the kindness of others. Not too bright, she was nonetheless a very kind person. And she was, in her own homespun words, "as ugly as a mud fence." Her assessment, not mine, though admittedly by society's standards, she wouldn't be winning any beauty pageants anytime soon.

But... she was believable. Let's face it, many genetic women don't exactly have that "Cover Girl" look either. And my friend, even when attired in grubbies with minimal (or non-existent) makeup passed in public. She went anywhere, did anything, with nary an askance glance. Her femininity, rough and homespun as it was, along with her confidence, carried the day for her.

There's an object lesson there. One which was integral to a M*A*S*H rerun I recently saw. In it, Radar orders some "elevator shoes," tired of being made fun of for his short stature. He finds to his chagrin that it doesn't really help, and turns to his ersatz "Big Brother" Hawkeye for advice. "You know, there's height that many never see," Hawkeye tells him. "Some guys are six feet tall inside, and their body just never caught up with it."

Likewise, when it comes to "passing," what's inside can trump the package it comes wrapped in.

In my active femulating years, there were times (not often, but often enough) when I was not sartorially en femme, and felt that I looked nothing like a female, yet would get "ma'amed" without a trace of irony. I'd look in the mirror and see this creature who was wearing baggy, unisex sweats, no makeup, nothing to prop up my gynecomastic man boobs into Wonderbra glory, natural hair unkempt with a severe case of "hairline retreat," and, if one looked closely enough, needed a shave. And still, I got the occasional "ma'am." I can only assume that some inner essence of femininity was overpowering the thrift store threads and George Costanza hairdo.

It's just not always about the details of appearance. I always think of my female boss at one of the jobs I worked en femme back in the day. This woman was taller than me, had even smaller boobs than me, and a decidedly deeper voice than me. But no one looked at her and thought, "That's a guy!!"

Gurl #2 was a cop who lived and worked in the Florida Keys. As a man, this dude was 6'5" and built like a middle linebacker. And, by his/her own admission, "wouldn't pass as a woman at 3 AM on a moonless night with a blind man."

And yet...and yet, when en femme, she was beautiful. Impeccable hair, perfect makeup, designer outfits ― she was stunning, and heads would immediately turn when she entered a room. Followed a microsecond later by the inescapable realization that this person had an "outie" and not an "innie." But her carriage, personality, confidence and self-deprecating humor won over the majority of those she encountered.

"When all else is said and done," she would tell them, "I'm just a guy in a dress. What's the big deal? There's plenty of more important things to worry about in this world." And she would talk up the football season, crack dirty jokes, and in a straight bar, people would buy her drinks and compliment her on her fashion taste.

Homely, yet passing. Beautiful, yet non-passing. And every spot on the scales. In every case, it's the girl inside that will carry the day.

One other aspect of the whole preoccupation with passing or being read...

Conventional wisdom about cultural context is often faulty. Many feel that things have never been better for us. But there are some who have the experience, and not just theory, to assert that passing (or not) knows no season.

When I first started to venture into the TG world, I spent a lot of time on the Tri-Ess BBS. (If you had to look up "BBS," you're obviously a young whippersnapper. Go back to your i-whatever gadgets...and get off my lawn!) Despite the name, this board was not an "official" Tri-Ess service (though they gave it their approval), and trans folk of all stripes (not just married non-op, non-TS crossdressers) hung there.

One older member had been publicly femulating since the early 1960's. Wow, we exclaimed, that must have been difficult and nerve-wracking! Not at all, she responded ― in fact, I think it was easier to pass back then than it is now.

What!?! Chaos ensued. You would have thought she had just told us that she had two heads. Are you insane, we demanded?  We have bulletin boards, magazines, support groups. We have conferences and public outings. We're on Donahue, Sally, Geraldo ― all the talk shows. How can you say it was easier to pass back in the dark ages of the early 60's?

"Simple," she wrote. "We didn't have all the things you mentioned then, but they are a two-edged sword. You see, back then, if you were even remotely feminine, as long as your overall appearance was halfway womanly, even if you had big hands, or a deep voice, or were 6-foot-2 , the default assumption was that you must be a woman, because no man would be caught dead dressed like that. They had no awareness, no concept, no understanding of our existence."

"But now," she went on, "we're everywhere. And more and more, the general public has learned we exist. And when they see CD'ers on talk shows and such, and then see that tall, broad-shouldered woman walking a bit awkwardly in her high heels, it's a different light bulb that goes off. I mean, take our monthly meetings [in Atlanta]. You know that big mall right next to the hotel? The one that is a 'standard attraction' for us gurls exercising our God-given right to shop 'til we drop? Well, on weekends, there are countless local high school kids that frequent that mall. And they know we meet next door, and many of them play 'Spot the Crossdressers' as they hang with their friends. Oh, they don't mean anything by it, and it's just a game to them ― I've had several delightful conversations with these kids."

"So, don't think for a minute that you are necessarily passing. You probably aren't, at least with the younger set. They're savvy, and reading us like a cheap novel. Twenty years ago, I could have probably walked through that mall and attracted hardly a glance. But now... well, we're as out as can be, and people know it. Fortunately, most people just don't care, and take it in stride, because all the publicity has somewhat educated them. But don't think for a second that just because hell doesn't break loose at your presence that you're passing. You're probably not, and that can be a good thing if you have the confidence to accept it."

(And all this was back in the 80's and early 90's. Now, everyone knows about us. Maybe there are a few remote Amazon tribes that are unaware of us, but that's about it. And we have even begun to encounter some negative backlash. Hey, when wackadoo politicians spend time trying to pass laws to make us check our bladders at the restroom door, you know we've really arrived. [sigh] Back in the day, I used ladies' rooms all the time with no hassle. If I were still publicly femulating ― illness and disability keep me homebound, not lack of desire ― I would seriously consider holding it until I got home. Or wear Depends. 'Cause now, they're watching for us. Dammit, maybe it was easier to pass way back when.)

Anyway, that 30-year old BBS posting is one woman's experience ― your mileage may vary. But certainly food for thought.

So, if you think you know everything there is to know about passing, you don't. Neither do I. But there are more important things to worry about. Whether you pass or get read, enjoy the experience of having the freedom and confidence to be yourself, and look others in the eye with a smile.

Wearing Eloquii.

Daniel Diges and Jose Luis imitate Natalia and Melocos 
on Spanish television's Tu Cara Me Suena.

Purse First

Two weeks ago, I mentioned a Huffington Post article about a youngster who planned dress up as his hero, Bob the Drag Queen, for Halloween. Zoe alerted me that there is a follow-up article describing the youngster's Halloween night out dressed as his hero. The story includes a video and both are very heart-warming.

∞ ∞ ∞

Catherine wrote that following the recent mention in Femulate of stockings, she wanted to alert us all to Gio Stockings in the UK. They are one of the world's few remaining manufacturers of the full-fashioned stockings and need as much support as possible. Their website is www.giostockings.com and a sample of their offerings appear in the image below.

∞ ∞ ∞

Starla complained (and I concurred) that one thing bugs her about the film Tootsie. In the early scenes, before Dustin Hoffman's character gets the inspiration to masquerade as a woman, you can see clearly that his eyebrows are already plucked and thinned to within an inch of their lives!

Starla added, "I know they film out of sequence and that Hoffman spent a lot of time in makeup and costume tests (and even real-life tests in which he interacted as Dorothy anonymously in public to see if he was believable as a woman) before filming even began, but jeez, didn't anyone think to have them add some more masculine fake brows for those early scenes?"

Wearing Reformation.

Designer Christian Siriano femulates a mermaid for Halloween. 

Happy Returns

The rare suit that looks OK on me.

On Tuesday, I was in boy mode when I returned the suit I bought on Monday. I was greeted by one of the Dress Barn sales associates I have known for years.

After an exchange of long-time-no-sees, she asks if I have something for her referring to the bagged suit I am carrying.

There is a woman customer paying up at the cash register about ten feet to my left. In the past, I would have began talking in hushed tones so that the civilian would not know what was up, but I don't care anymore what others think and the sales associate's friendly, positive manner put me in a positive mood, so I did not tone it down one decibel.

"I don't look good in suits and I am returning the one I bought yesterday."

"So why would you buy a suit if you don't look good in them," the sales associate chided me jokingly.

"I was caught up in the moment. I also bought that white cable sweater dress you have for sale. It looked gorgeous on me. So I was on a roll and decided to try my luck on a suit, too."

"That happens," the sales associate replied.

I could not help noticing that the civilian was listening intently!

And so it goes.

Wearing Stylewe.

Jin Xing, television hostess

More Women at Work

Two Femulate readers went to work as women on Halloween, Alison and Patty O. Their stories follow and their photos are below in the Femulator slot.

Alison

I decided to partake in what I affectionately call, "Take Your Authentic Gender To Work Day." I dressed en femme as Alison. I wore a long skirt from Dress Barn, along with a two-layer top by Studio 1940. My shoes were simple black flats, along with knee socks. And since it was Halloween, I wore earrings that looked like jack o' lanterns. The accompanying picture was taken by our office manager.

Since I had an issue to take care of at a transmitter site (I'm a broadcast engineer), I initially wore my usual boy "costume" in the morning. But I when I got back to the office before noon, I changed into my "office girl" outfit. In the afternoon, I attended a small Halloween party in the break room. The reactions from my co-workers was all positive and supportive.

After leaving work at the end of the day, I stopped to get gas. Then as previously arranged, picked up my wife at home and we went out for dinner at a local Mexican restaurant.

I can hardly wait until next Halloween to be able to do this again!

Patty O

Like Stana, I love to dress at work on Halloween. After doing it for several years, it’s fun to see how accepting my colleagues are. The women accept me as a part of their conversations, complimenting me on my makeup, and admiring my boots and skirt. Even the guys are more accepting.

Usually for Halloween I dress up in a costume that I might wear as a woman at work, so I’ve dressed in Goth black, and Junior High School Assistant principal skirt suit (now that is scary!), but this year I decided to just dress as I would have as a woman in my job. I spent a few days watching what the other women were wearing and decided that I would dress on the femme side of average. I chose a classic suede skirt and found some boots on sale at DSW, I’m still looking for a perfect tight sweater to show off my curves better and I see a shopping trip in my future.

One of my fashionista friends commented that my look reminded her of her 4th grade teacher. That made me smile since I am a teacher, then she added "...and I thought she dressed sexy." That made me laugh out loud. I find I smile and laugh a lot when I’m dressed.

On my way home I stopped at my local mall to browse the stores. I noticed that I was being checked out by other shoppers and sales associates as well and received warm smiles and hellos. I also swung by my hair salon to show off my look. The stylsts beamed with pleasure when they finally figured out who I was. My usual stylist loved my choice of hair style. The women in the chairs beamed wonderful smiles at me as well.

It was another fun day en femme and it makes me look forward to more in the future.

Wearing Lucky dress and booties.

Alison at work

Patty O at work

Woman at Work: Final Thoughts

I hope you enjoyed my live blog yesterday. The extraordinary high hit count (almost 8,000 pageviews) indicates that many of you checked back to keep up with the progress of my day. I thank you for your loyalty and interest.

∞ ∞ ∞

On the way home from work, I stopped by the Meriden Westfield mall. This once vibrant mall has declined like so many other malls and it was depressing to be there.

Since I bought a new dress and suit at Dress Barn during lunch, I really was not looking for more clothes. Rather, I was looking to buy something to address a skin issue I have. So I went to Ulta for a solution, but all they offered was something to hide the  issue rather than correct it.

Next, I looked for help at the makeup counters in Macy's, but I could not find a sales associate to assist me. So I high-heeled it out of there and drove home.

∞ ∞ ∞

When I arrived home, I tried on the suit that I bought at Dress Barn. Ever since I walked out of the store with that suit, I had buyer's remorse. Usually, I don't like the way I look in suits and I was not completely sold when I tried the new suit on in Dress Barn. But I was caught up in the moment and bought the suit anyway.

Trying the suit on at home confirmed my doubts and I will return it today for a refund.

∞ ∞ ∞

So why do I do go to work presenting as a woman on Halloween?

As I wrote last year, I love doing it, but there is a small ray of hope that someday I will be able to go to work (and go everywhere else) as a woman all the time. My Halloween fling is a test for me and my co-workers for when that wonderful day finally arrives and I think we all passed.

Wearing Eloquii.

Contestants in a North Carolina womanless beauty pageant in 1955.

Live Blog: Woman At Work

I should start live-blogging around 8 AM EDST.

8:10 AM POST

I got ready in record time!

Out the door at 6:50 AM. If I went straight to work, I would be about 20 minutes later than my normal arrival at 7, but I had to stop at the gas station to fill up.

I went to the gas station I normally go to. There were no other customers, so I pulled up to the gas pump I usually use, filled up and walked inside to pay up.

The woman who runs the place recognized my car, so she knew who I was underneath my feminine finery, but she said I looked "spectacular" and that she would date me!

I drove to work and arrived at 7:30. Walked in unnoticed, dropped my computer bag in my cubicle and went to the ladies' room to check my self out.

Then I went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. There I encountered two male co-workers. One jokingly called me "honey" and asked if I was going to Walmart during lunch. My retort was that I was going to Dress Barn!

9:15 AM POST

10:00 AM POST

Friend who knows that I am trans stopped by to see if I was presenting as a woman today. He was happy to see my outfit and remarked that everyone expects me to show up on Halloween en femme.
I said, " I would never let them down!"

The fellow who is in the next cubicle walked by my cube on the way to his and then returned to remark that every year when he walks by my cube on Halloween morning, he wonders who is using my cube!

The director of engineering walked by and remarked that I looked good and that I outdo myself every year.

I am wearing dangly earrings today and each time I move my head, I hear them jangle. I love it!

10:40 AM POST

I stopped by the office of the senior vice president's administrator. She is one of the few women in this location (there are 7 counting myself). She loves my outfits and is someone I would feel very comfortable coming out to.

When I stepped into her office, she said she was just coming over to see me because she was dying to know what I was wearing today. I did not disappoint her ― she loved my outfit.

I can't believe how fast the morning is flying by. I am very busy doing work and very busy being a fashionista!

12:45 PM POST

I did go to Dress Barn during lunch. But before I did, I visited their website to see if there was anything to die for. And I found this: a Cable Knit Buckle Sweater Dress.

I fell in love with the dress and drove to the nearby Dress Barn with hopes of scoring the dress. As I walked into the store, I immediately spotted a rack containing that dress, found a size 16 and asked a sales associate to open a dressing room to try it on.

The sales associate was Laura, a woman who has waited on me many times at Dress Barn. Like an old girlfriend, she asked me how I had been and made some small talk as she escorted me to a dressing room.

The dress fit like a glove, so I hung it on the Buy rack.

Laura asked me if there was anything else I'd like to look at and I mentioned that I needed a suit.

She worked with me as I tried on different sizes of skirts and blazers. Eventually, we ended up with a size 16W blazer and a size 14 skirt... both in black and very professional-looking.

A different sales associate rang up my order and with all the coupons and Dress Barn perks I had, I saved over 1/3 off the sales price. While she was ringing me up, she complimented me on my dangly earrings while we chatted about buying more fashions than we can wear.

Then I drove back to work.

1:30 PM POST

It is a quiet afternoon.

A few co-workers stopped by after lunch to check me out. One fellow asked if I brought flats to walk the parking lot (three loops of the lot is a mile). I did bring flats just in case, but my outerwear (a light cape) is inadequate for the weather conditions (50°F with a steady 15 MPH wind), so I told him I would not be walking today.

By the way, approaching hour 7 in heels and my tootsies are fine, although I admit that during 6 of those 7 hours. I have been sitting.

I plan to stop at the mall on the way home. Macy's and Ulta are calling out to me.

2:10 PM POST

Pat asked what shoes I am wearing, so here is a run-down on everything I am wearing: JustFab black sweater dress, Payless nude Janine pointy toe high heels, Berkshire nude thigh high stockings, Avon silver necklace, bracelet and watch, dangly silver clip-on earrings (have no idea where they came from) and unmentionable shapewear undies.

2:50 PM POST

Stana is leaving the building, so this will be my last live blog post. I will catch up with you all later.

Wearing Self Portrait.

Stephen Carr femulates in a 1952 episode of television's Adventures of Superman.