What's Right for Her

By Amy

Today, our new regular contributor, Amy, writes about what is right for her and she hopes some readers will relate to her views.

I know women who work in retail or in restaurants. They see other trans gals from time to time. Consistently they tell me how pleasant their interaction is with those that look great and act like they look ― great. They also say how difficult and uncomfortable the interaction can be with a trans gal that isn't comfortable, isn't blending in, and projects it. One woman told me how hard she tried to make this person feel comfortable in her store, but couldn't do so. Maybe in time.

For me...

• It's not about getting dressed; it is the reward of being well put together.
• It's not about getting overly dolled up; it is knowing I will blend with others perfectly and with style.
• It's not about copying another’s look; it is developing my own signature look.
• It's not about always color or always black; it is about knowing when to wear both.
• It's not about the legs; it is about an elegant hem line and its movement.
• It's not about hosiery (that’s over); but it can be about tights.
• It's not about heels that launch me over the others; it’s just not.
• It's not about dramatic makeup; it is that others expect me to look naturally pretty.
• It's not about the jewelry; it is about what makes me sparkle.
• It's not about a large breast or booty; it is about proportion and décolletage.
• It's not about really long hair; it is about age appropriate up-to-date hairstyles.
• It’s not about attracting attention; it is about getting an approving compliment or look!
• It’s not about standing out; it is about being invited to join in. (So fun!)

To paraphrase Margaret Thatcher, “If you have to remind people that you are a lady, you likely are not.”

Wearing Ann Taylor

Cecil Beaton

All or Nothing

I was very concerned about my weight during the long holiday weekend. After some ups and downs, I am happy to report that my weight before and after the weekend is the same.

Tomorrow is another day out for this woman. I am scheduled to do outreach at a human sexuality class after noon and will probably do a little shopping before the class and grab a bite to eat after the class.

The local Avon reps were talking about getting together for a Christmas party, but the plans have not jelled yet, so I don't know if I will be joining the other girls for our annual Avon rep get-together.

Visions of going to work as a woman are still dancing in my head. My mind is made up that if I do it, it will be daily and not an occasional when-I'm-in-the-mood thing. I think consistency is critical in order to impress upon the civilians that I am trans. And it will also help me get used to the routine of presenting a woman every day.

And so it goes.

Wearing Alice + Olivia.

Casa Valentina on the Miami stage, 2015.

Pat's Favorite Photo (of Pat!)

As you may know, my ability to get out and about is somewhat dependent on when I am home alone. Last night was one such opportunity and my plan was to eat, shower, shave, call my wife, dress and then head to the B Lounge, about 20 miles away. They were doing their Enmoda Thursday with karaoke from 9-11 followed by a drag show. 

I have been there on other Thursdays, but since I get up at an ungodly early hour to go to work I always leave as the DQs are arriving and have never stayed for the drag show. I often do my part to try to clear the place out by singing a few songs.

Last night was proceeding as planned. I had hoped to stay to see a part of the drag show or perhaps talk with one or two of the DQs before I left, so I put a little extra effort into my dress and makeup. I applied the foundation and blended on a top coat... a little extra blush, eye liner and shadow and I had a new tube of mascara so that it went on extra thick, followed by lipliner and lipstick.

I had on my black bra with breast forms, black slip, nude pantyhose and a silky nylon black and white print wrap dress with a light thin white jacket. The blonde wig seemed to work well and with my 3-inch black pumps, the dangly clip-on earrings, my double strand of pearls around my neck and small pearl strands on my wrist (costume jewelry). I was ready to launch.

My typical M.O. is to open the garage door and wait the 3-5 minutes for the interior garage light to go out and then get into the car and drive away from the condo. I figure that once in the car, even if the garage light goes back on when the car bumper breaks the electric eye at the garage entrance, I will be out quickly enough to avoid detection. 

The part of the condo development where I live are double units. Each building has two units with adjoining garages facing the street. Our adjoining neighbors are a nice Italian heritage couple in their 70s, so I figure that they are in for the night when I head out dressed.

While waiting for the garage light to go out, I loaded my purse, checked my hair and makeup, grabbed a large travel cup of coffee and a bag with my nicer 3.5-inch peep-toe pumps for changing into when I got to my destination.

With the coffee in one hand, my purse over one arm, my bag with the spare shoes in the other hand and my car keys ready to go, I opened the door to the garage, stepped down the two steps to the garage floor, heard my  heels clack on the garage floor for the 3 to 4 steps to the car door when the garage light came on as my neighbor entered the garage and broke the electic eye beam at the garage entrance. The phrase "a deer caught in the headlights" comes close to describing my reaction.

I fled back into the condo and quickly stripped off the dress, wig and heels and stuck my head out the door when my neighbor said he wanted to show me something in the driveway.

Back into the house to throw on slacks, get rid of the bra, slip and breast forms and toss on a polo shirt and then splash some water on my face and wipe off as much makeup as I could. I figured it was dark out and with my neighbor in his 70s, perhaps his eyesight would not detect the traces of makeup, mostly my eyeliner and mascara.

With slip-on shoes covering my stockinged feet, I went out to talk to the neighbor. He had some rubberized squares that he was planning to bring to his summer house where he had built an arbor and he wanted to show me the squares as well as photos of the arbor trellis and the plans he had followed to build it.

Every encounter with this neighbor includes an update on his and his wife's current physical ailments, his exercise routine and the seasonal sports team. He is a big Yankee fan and I had figured he would have been in his condo unit watching the Yankee game and this had been the case until he heard my garage door go up and he came out to show me the floor squares, arbor, etc.  After going through the current Yankee situation I quipped, "How about those Mets" and that finally brought the conversation to an end. 

It was now an hour later than I had planned to get out and I just did not have the energy to re-dress and re-apply my makeup, so my plans for an evening out ended with a huge scare.

During our conversation in the driveways and our garages, neither of us mentioned the way I was attired when the garage light went on and there were no comments about any makeup dregs on my face. I have no clue as to what elements of my attire and presentation he may have seen or more importantly, what may have registered in his mind. This neighbor is a very nice guy, very friendly, but a big time yenta. I guess we just go forward living one day to the next now that my heartbeat is back closer to normal.

I thought that you may have found this incident of passing interest.

Let's be careful out there.

Pat

Calling all girls! My open invitation to post your favorite photo along with the story behind it and the reason it is your favorite photo still stands, so don't be shy, send me your fave foto. ― Stana

Wearing Eva Franco.

Little Archie, Reggie and Jughead en femme.

Happy Holiday

Happy Thanksgiving to all my faithful readers. I am so grateful that you take the time to read my daily missives and joyful that what I write has helped some of you in some way!

And try not to eat too much... we have to watch our figures!

Finding a Kindred Soul

Saturday night, I attended One Big Event at the Connecticut Convention Center in Hartford. I started writing about my night out in my previous post and conclude the story with this post.

Here is the story behind the photo above: I saw a young woman taking a mirror selfie in the ladies’ room, so I offered to the her photo and asked if she would take mine. She could not have been nicer, took my photo a couple of times until she was satisfied with the results and did not even have me take her photo!

Like her, most of the women were friendly and many exchanged smiles and/or hello’s with me (like I was a member of their club). On the other hand, eye contact with a male usually resulted in a cold blank look. Go figure! This was not the usual crowd of civilians; it was predominantly an LGBT crowd, so you can reach your own conclusions.

I spent a lot of time chatting with the girls seated at our table, that is, Diana, Karen and Laura. Diana and Laura are retired, whereas Karen is a working woman and I was very interested in her story about transitioning on the job and her trials and tribulations during the ensuing seven years.

I love Karen’s attitude in that she is not concerned about dressing to blend — she prefers to dress to please herself. For example, on a recent casual Friday at work, she wore a pencil skirt, a beautiful blouse and heels… not very casual, but very Karen! Definitely something I would do!

Karen and I have crossed paths in the past, but this was the first time we had a long chat and got to know each other. We have a lot in common and it is always nice to find a kindred soul

Wearing Ann Taylor.

Vladimir Luxuria, Italian actress, writer, politician and television host

Comparing Favorably

Saturday night, I attended One Big Event at the Connecticut Convention Center in Hartford. It is an annual fund raiser for the Hartford Gay & Lesbian Health Collective.

It is a black tie affair and I try to dress appropriately. I have attended four times in the past and have always worn a cocktail dress. The year was no different and I wore a purple Connected sequin-lace cowl-neck sheath dress from Macy’s that I bought on the day I went to work as a woman, Halloween Eve. It is a gorgeous dress and it garnered me compliments throughout the night. For example, I was touching up my makeup in the ladies’ room after dinner and a woman who was doing the same at another sink, tapped me on the shoulder as she left the room and said, “I love your dress!”

For days, I could not make up my mind what shoes to wear. I seriously considered wearing a pair of white sequin strappy sandals with a 5-inch heel, but I knew that they would cripple me half way through the evening (or even sooner), so I wore a pair of shoes that I figured would be easier on my feet, nude high heel pumps from Payless with a 3-inch heel. As it turned out, they were very comfortable and I wore them all night without a problem. I even drove to and from the affair wearing them in my standard shift Subaru.

I wanted to try a more glamorous look with my eye makeup: a smokey purple look to go along with my purple dress and to compliment my green eyes. I found exactly what I needed on the Internet: a how-to video on YouTube. I did not have the exact products that the woman in the video used, so I had to approximate and the results were a reasonable facsimile of the her handiwork.

After an uneventful 35-minute drive, I arrived at the Convention Center at 6 PM, just as the event was scheduled to begin. The Convention Center was also the site of an auto show, so leaving the Convention Center were throngs of people in casual garb, while in the opposite direction were groups of people dressed to kill. It was an incongruous sight.

The trans contingent was not as numerous as in past years: four trans girls I knew (Audrey,Diana, Laura and Karen), probably another three or four I did not know and there may have been others I did not identify as trans.

The cocktail hour lasted about 90 minutes. I mingled and chatted with a few friends and acquaintances while taking in all the women decked out in beautiful evening gowns and cocktail dresses. I think I compared favorably.

More in the next post.

Wearing Brahmin.

Andreja Pejic

Last Night

I attended One Big Event last night.

I wore a purple Connected sequin-lace cowl-neck sheath dress from Macy's, nude high heel pumps from Payless, nude thigh highs from Berkshire and pearl jewelry from assorted sources.

I will write up the details about my evening out later today and post them as soon as possible.

Love,

Stana

Allison's Favorite Photo (of Allison!)

You asked your readers to send in their favorite pic of themselves and the story behind it. Of course, I sent in my favorite pic then (why do we take so many pics of ourselves?) :) That was January this year.

Since then I had another makeover and photoshoot. Well, this time the pics outside came out great. I had a fabulous time at Makeovers with Elizabeth Taylor in DC.

This pic is my new favorite, I think it is the single best pic of me yet, and I just had to send it to you!

The absolute best part (of which you can’t see) is that my wife of 35 years goes with me to my makeovers. Usually she sits by and doesn’t offer many opinions or suggestions. Just sits patiently until we are done. But this time she helped me pick outfits, shoes, hair and helped me get dressed. I can’t tell you how much I loved it and her!

After the photoshoot I drove back to the hotel still dressed as a woman which is a first for me. I can only hope to go out more as my true self.

Anyway, I so enjoy Femulate and read it every day, please keep up the good work!

Hugs Allison!


Calling all girls! My open invitation to post your favorite photo along with the story behind it and the reason it is your favorite photo still stands, so don't be shy, send me your fave foto. ― Stana

Wearing Brahmin.

I did a Google Image search on "femulator" and the first image that came back that
had not previously appeared here was this one of Liza from Flickr Hive Mind. 

The End

In response to my request on how to improve the feminine presentation of my little caboose, I received a couple of e-mails (in addition to Amy's article posted here yesterday).

Gina wrote, "Without padding, I am straight-sided, straight-backed, boy-shaped. I don’t look real, and regardless of whether or not anyone would notice, I don’t like it myself.

"I just love my curves and the feminine look they give me. I never go out without them, except on a hot summer day when I wear only panties and bra under a loose, flowing, summer dress.

"My padded body looks great in the bodycon dresses I love to wear. But, I have had to experiment over the years to get it just right.

"My lessons learned:

"–   Do it, but don’t overdo it; too much is as bad as too little.

"–   Always look in a full-length mirror to make sure it looks right, i.e., symmetrical, properly-positioned and no ridges.

"–   Use a padded panty instead of a larger garment. It’s a lot more comfortable and easier in the ladies room. I love my Bubbles Hipee and Squeem Perfect Waist – a perfect combination!

"–   Use a panty with only two pads, one for the hip and butt on each side. I have tried 4-pad panties (two hip and two butt) and found them to be cumbersome and difficult to control.

"–   I have found that the 4-pad panties sometimes have gaps or valleys between the hip and butt – especially in a bodycon dress or pencil skirt (maybe it’s just me).

"–   On the Internet, go to Dress Tech for the ultimate in hip pads. I saw these demonstrated at the 2015 Keystone Conference – very impressive, but expensive and maybe heavy. Couldn’t wear with my bikini. I’m waiting for the hip and butt version to come out before I decide.

"Whatever you wear – enjoy it and be confident!"

Bonnie wrote, "In response to your request, there is no need to ever Be Behind in the future, as I have some URLs for you to solve your concerns, and Be Prepared:

"TRANSFORM Padded Panty: http://www.thebreastformstore.com/mens-padded-panty2.aspx

"Underworks Padded Panty: http://www.thebreastformstore.com/underworks-padded-panty-girdle.aspx

"I have patronized this store for several years and have always been pleased with the products, prices and service. Hope this solves your query."

Wearing BaubleBar.

Actor David Suchet as Lady Bracknell on the
British stage in The Importance of Being Earnest.
(Thank-you, Davina)

Passing is Serious Business

Waist-to-Hip Ratios

By Amy

I am a long time user of hip pads. 

I am on average small at 5'9" and 145 pounds around the holidays! What I am not is a know-it-all. So what follows is my experience based on my body type and years of passing pretty well. Since we are all different, I encourage you to learn what you can, experiment with these products and decide what works for you.

The goal is to appear unquestionably female. When I see others on YouTube making their own foam pads and covering them with layers of tights and hose, I cringe. That’s not for me. And please, no bubble butts! I can do many things myself, but passing in public in any outfit with a great shape is serious business!

Classic Curves is a maker of high quality garments that have been around a long time. These are well-made girdle-styled garments with a dense foam pad in side pockets. There are several designs and you simply have to review them all to decide which will give you the desired look. I use the simple Veronica 2 and I wear a small 30 with the corresponding pads.

I like that when you order from Classic Curves; you get a questionnaire for all your important dimensions. The questionnaire helps get you thinking about the correct proportions you need. 

I don’t really know if Espy (the owner) makes a pad custom for each garment, but mine have worked perfectly. Classic Curves’ garment with very well-formed pads loaded in pockets on both sides is a no-brainer. Do your tuck, pull on cotton panties, and slip on your Classic Curves garment. 

I am a 28-inch waist and 35-inch hip naturally and this garment takes me to 39-inch. I wear size 8 pants, skirts and dresses perfectly. The proportions of my shoulders, chest, waist and hip are not perfect, but darn close. Without the garment, a dress just hangs on me! With the Veronica 2, my shape from any angle is in good proportion and very convincing.

I augment my Veronica 2 with a simple oval foam pad slipped up each leg of the garment. I use It Stays adhesive to secure it under the Veronica leg. This gives my thigh (outboard side) the proper proportion to my hip and rear. The line created from my waist down to my mid-thigh is perfect in tight jeans or a skirt. My waist to my lower thigh appears perfectly real and feminine with any fabric including knits draped against me. The garment also brings the narrowest point of my waist up a bit visually shortening my upper torso. The effect is correct. I can wear this all day in perfect comfort, no matter the temperature. I barely know I have it on. I have received hundreds of compliments on my shape.

As I am always in search of a better mouse trap, I came across Dress Tech pads. I contacted Judi, the owner, and she took my measurements. I told her I needed to stay a size 8 and it turned out that her large pad would add 4 inches to my hip circumference resulting in a .71, which she says is a perfect female waist-to-hip ratio. 

Dress Tech pads are pure silicone, well made, too. There is no garment, so you need to look into Spanx. (I am using a very shear version with no seams and laser cut edges). I developed my own system of putting them on as you will, too. They don’t stick to you. Once the pads are correctly located and Spanx on, you will have a higher waist line and full bottom; the effect is amazing. 

There are no edges of the silicon that show through the Spanx. My pads gave me again a perfect 39-inch hip with slightly less volume overall than my Classic Curves pads. The fit of my jeans is slightly looser than with Classic Curves, but it is not a material issue. Seriously, I can and will stand in any dressing room with nothing but these pads under Spanx (and my bra) and no one looking in is going to suspect my shape isn’t all me. It’s that good!

So both products are excellent, certainly for my body type. There is much more you can learn by going to the respective websites and or speaking with the owners. It’s all about proportion and comfort. It’s all about moving freely and not giving this a second thought after you are dressed. With ether you can wear skinny jeans or a dress and know that your form will be correct. You can concentrate on wearing some great clothes and looking your best.

Wearing Cashmere and Cupcakes dress and Schutz shoes.

Actor Romain Duris in the 2014 French film The New Girlfriend. 

Did you play with Barbie dolls?

Growing up, my sister had a couple of Barbie dolls and a Ken doll. I never played with them because I did not want to blow my cover as a "normal" boy. Even home alone, I did not dress up her Barbie's; I preferred to dress up myself ― why waste the opportunity dressing a doll!

I will admit that one time I dressed Ken in one of Barbie's outfits. The transition was not very satisfactory. Sans makeup, Ken looked like a guy in a dress. Even borrowing one of Barbie's wigs did not help.

I did not own any G.I. Joe dolls because Joe came out after I outgrew toys. And even if I was young enough, I am not so sure I would want a G.I. Joe doll ― it was still a "doll" and only girls played with dolls and I did not want to blow my cover and yadda, yadda, yadda.

Times have changed. Boys have been playing with G.I. Joe dolls for a couple of generations.

I think that G.I. Joe was a gateway toy. It made it OK for boys to play with dolls, so I am sure that some boys have been playing with Barbie dolls for a couple of generations, too.

As they say, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander." So along comes a new Moschoni Barbie commercial that includes a boy playing with a Barbie doll.

"Moschino Barbie is so fierce," remarks the little lad as he daintily holds the chain of a Moschino Barbie purse between his thumb and index finger.

All I can say is, "Wow! You go, gurl!"

Wearing Tory Burch.

Steve admires his femulation in a 2015 episode of television's American Dad.

Fixing Mirror Selfies

I have not seen this mentioned anywhere else, so I will mention it as it crosses my mind again. (Actually, it crossed my mind yesterday when I posted a recent mirror selfie.)

Years ago, when I started taking mirror selfies, I liked the results, but I always thought something was wrong with the photo. I did not look quite right.

A mirror selfie depicts the opposite of reality. What appears on the left in a mirror selfie is actually on the right in the real world and vice versa.

Since no face is perfectly symmetrical, that is, the right and left sides of a face are not exactly the same, it makes perfect sense why a mirror selfie does not look right. That's because the face is flipped horizontally from how it really appears.

To fix a mirror selfie so that it more closely reflects reality, use a photo manipulation app to flip the image horizontally. (In Photoshop, select Image > Image Rotation > Flip Canvas Horizontal to fix a mirror selfie.)

The accompanying photos show a mirror selfie before and after flipping the photo horizontally.

Now my mirror selfies look quite right!

Wearing Ted Baker London.

Actor Romain Duris in the 2014 French film The New Girlfriend.