Womanless Beauty Pageant Theory

By Starla

Long time Femulate readers will recall regular contributor Starla, who perused online high school yearbooks and clipped any womanless events she found memorialized in those volumes. (You can view her collection of clips here.) 

Starla is back with her theory regarding the reasoning for the existence and popularity of womanless beauty pageants in the Deep South.

Those of you who have followed Stana’s blog for any length of time know that she shares my obsession with “civilian” womanless beauty pageants. It has been fascinating for me to seek out and discover many of these increasingly elaborate events as they have evolved over the last few years.

What has fascinated and intrigued me is that in recent years, the vast majority of the most elaborate and “realistic” pageants (in which the goal is to faithfully mimic girls and not to make fun of them with grotesque parodies), especially at the high school and middle school levels (and even occasionally elementary school), tend to take place in just two states: Alabama and Mississippi.

Yes, in two of the most religious and conservative states in the union, where gays and trans people encounter hostility and harsh judgment, people seem willing and eager to parade their tween and teen sons on a stage in up-to-date gowns, excellent wigs or natural hairstyles, perfect makeup, and high heels, and revel in the event.

Yet the cruel irony is that if any of those same young boys came home one day and announced that they were trans and want to actually become girls, those same parents would probably be horrified!

From a purely geographic standpoint, it’s not hard to imagine this phenomenon being concentrated in certain areas. After all, it's not unusual for any school fundraising or spirit building event to spread from school to nearby school. In this case, it’s also telling that while womanless pageants are held throughout the South, the few really top-notch and realistic events outside of Alabama and Mississippi tend to take place in border areas adjacent to those states. A good example is the annual pageant held at Ernest Ward Middle School, which is in the extreme northwest panhandle of Florida, just a few miles from the Alabama border. (Here in Florida, we tend to say that culturally, everything north of Gainesville is really Georgia and everything west of Tallahassee is really Alabama!)

The degree of attention to detail and realism in some of these pageants is remarkable. One recently discovered Mississippi event (in Kozciusko) had a dress shop owner bragging on her Facebook page that she had supplied dresses to four of the young male entrants in a local pageant (including her own 14-year-old son who, she proudly announced, had won the pageant). No thrift shop bargains or hand-me-downs – these were current fashions.

In many womanless events elsewhere, footwear tends to be male shoes, flip-flops, or bare feet. In these Deep South pageants, the boys almost uniformly wear stylish high heels and, judging from the ease with which they walk in them, they have practiced in them for some time. We’re talking about 3-to-4 inch heels on some of these! How many 12 to 16-year-old boys do you know who can walk gracefully in heels?

Makeup is done lavishly and professionally – one tween boy in an Alabama pageant looked like he had gotten a full M•A•C makeover. Nails are almost always painted – some even wear fake nails. A few of the pictures I’ve found show boys in open-toed shoes and it is apparent that their toenails have also been nicely painted. (This is the sort of obsessive detail that most audience members wouldn’t even be able to see from their vantage point.) 

The outfits are nicely accessorized with earrings, necklaces, bracelets, even rings. Not grandma’s old junk jewelry – stuff that would look right at home on any female pageant contestant.

And the parents – these same parents who trash Caitlyn Jenner on their Twitter feeds or fight to keep transgender students from using gender-appropriate bathrooms (if they allow trans kids at all in their schools), or encourage county clerks to ignore the SCOTUS ruling and refuse marriage licenses to gay couples, nevertheless revel proudly (and often, not ironically or jokingly) in their son winning or placing high in a womanless event. They will brag on how pretty their son looked and how they looked totally feminine. While simultaneously, their Facebook accounts feature hunting trips, NASCAR, scripture quotations, and proud, defiant and conspicuous display of the rebel flag.  

What’s going on here? 

Well, maybe they truly see no irony. For them, dressing in drag for a womanless pageant is a fun frolic, a tradition, an innocent pastime having no relation to those heathen LGBT folks. It’s even a sort of rite of passage – I’ve seen more than one parent or grandparent congratulate their young’un on his “first” womanless pageant. (Implying that there will be more to come.)

But the lengths to which they take these things! I’ve corresponded with a fellow womanless beauty pageant enthusiast who has even attended some of these events and talked to some of the parents. Believe it or not, in the most extreme examples, they have worked for weeks on finding the perfect dress, experimenting with makeup, and drilling their son in pageant deportment. This is not something they throw together two days before the event – this is serious business to many!

I strongly suspect that many of the mothers who go all-out for these events are established “pageant Moms” who have daughters who compete. Then when it’s Johnny’s turn to be “prettied up,” they just apply the same level of intensity and attention to detail to their boys as they do to their girls. 

Or they may be “wannabes” – I’ve noted a few cases in which a Mom freely admitted that they had no daughters and despaired of ever having the fun of preparing their kin for a pageant – until their son’s school held such an event and they were able to lavish their machinations on him! Beauty pageants, especially child pageants are big in the Deep South – it should perhaps not be surprising that much of this enthusiasm and borderline fanaticism spills over into the womanless pageant world.

As for the realism of the femulations, that, too, may be explainable. 

Traditionally, the South has viewed their girls and women with an inordinate degree of chivalry, seeing them as precious gems to be honored and celebrated for their femininity. To lampoon girls in a womanless pageant with an exaggerated and homely burlesque of the “fairer sex” would be anathema to them. If their boys are going to portray girls for an evening, they will do so in a way that honors and celebrates their beauty and special status.

What about the young men and boys who don female garb for these events? Well, in the region in question, they seem to enjoy the experience for the most part. This doesn’t necessarily signify anything profound. Dressing up for a womanless pageant is not going to turn a boy trans, though it may help to confirm and solidify an existing propensity or desire to crossdress in someone who’s already wired that way and provides a safe and fun way to indulge those stirrings in a socially acceptable context.

However one theorizes about this phenomenon, it is a fascinating window on the unique and contradictory culture of Dixie!

Wearing Nine West

Michel Epalza Betancourt

The Personal Politics of Public Bathrooms

Like magic, Ann Friedman's article from The Cut, "The Personal Politics of Public Bathrooms," appeared the day after I published my "Sit to Pee" post. It is a good read and here are some quotes from the article to entice you to read it.

"...anti-trans activists, who have deliberately made bathrooms a battleground by stoking wholly irrational fears about people who express their gender differently. They have deftly flipped the script, portraying gender-conforming women as the ones who are most at-risk, when in fact the opposite is true."

"...even if someone is perceived to be using the “wrong” bathroom, police have no basis for questioning them or asking for ID, according to the Sylvia Rivera Law Project. Truly, none of us have a basis for questioning the gender of someone else who’s minding their own business in the stall or at the sink next to us."

Wearing Sharagano.

Fran Heuser, male model

Happy Independence Day!

Wearing Madeleine.

Dave's swimsuit.

Laurel Amanda's Favorite Photos (of Laurel Amanda!)

Hello Stana,

Now to my life (mostly boring). I was born and live in New Zealand. I realized I was different by 10 and in my early teens decided to avoid social situations and to concentrate on my academic life. Two degrees later, I walked into a wonderful job at the local university that I held until retirement 39 years later. Outside work my two interests were world travel and astronomy (it is easy to 'pass' in the dark!)

As I reached my early sixties and watched my mother slide into dementia, the thought of dying without becoming my true self was intolerable. So I first lost 25 kg; second, I booked a week with a wonderful couple in Sydney, Australia that specialized In helping people like me realize their style, how to behave in public, shop, etc. They were so successful that by the last day I was able to dress, makeup, etc. and make my own way into Sydney, shop all day and return. That was the day Laurel was truly born!

Back in New Zealand, I told my family (not a success!), the Human Resources person and the Head of Department of my workplace. They were most supportive and said I could transition whenever I liked.

Within a month, every woman working in the department knew of Laurel and I was being invited to their social evenings.

Shortly before I retired, I emailed the whole department (about 100) announcing that Laurel would arrive on Monday to do my work. The response was spectacular; about 80 replies by the morning, some saying they knew something was happening, others expressing surprise, but all were supportive.

When I did retire, it was Laurel's dress-up retirement dinner!

The one thing that surprised me most is Laurel's personality. She is not a female version of the male original. As a long-term friend said, “You smile all the time, M****** never did.” She is a very social, outgoing woman with a financially fatal addiction to bright clothes, shoes, jewelry and handbags.

When I changed my birth certificate, I found that the New Zealand government made it easy. Similarly, all the other bureaucracies (passport, tax status, voting, banks, insurance, retirement fund, etc.) went out of their way to help.

However, I don't wish to pretend that New Zealand is a paradise for trans people. There are dark corners; it is just that I have never found one.

Since then I have followed the standard medical course for transition, RLE, HRT, etc., leading to now a hotel cottage in Bangkok 30 days after SRS, and 6 days after FFS. I hope that others in similar situations will take some encouragement from my story and pursue their dream.

Best Wishes,

Laurel Amanda

P.S. A few words about the last photo: a fun one with my best friend Rochelle. You can create quite a stir when you walk into the restaurant together wearing the same dress!

Got selfies? My open invitation to post your favorite photo along with the story behind it and the reason it is your favorite photo still stands, so don't be shy, send me your fave foto. ― Stana

Wearing Boston Proper.

Kira Sadovaya, male model

Call Me Caitlyn (or Stephanie or Kellie)

By Michelle Bowles

Transgender issues seem to be big at the moment. Apart from Caitlyn Jenner story, just recently I’ve been aware of a number of stories that have made the national news in the UK.

Here is one that I noticed today as I was looking at the BBC website concerning a DJ who broadcasted nationally to millions on a weekly top 40 show and won three prestigious Sony Radio Awards; now to be known as Stephanie Hirst.

The photo accompanying this article, by the way, indicates to me that she knows how to present as a woman. However, the interview with her by Radio 4’s Today programme is enlightening on how “commercial interests” can trump all before them ― I assume she is being legally restricted as to what she can say as this topic is addressed, although she does state that everyone was supportive.

Apparently, a letter from Global Radio, which owns the station she worked on, said “it did not think the topic of gender reassignment was suitable for the shows that he presented” and that “it was in his best interests to come off the radio.” Fortunately, the BBC has a more enlightened attitude to gender matters than some its commercial radio competitors and her new show starts on BBC Manchester on 4 July at 22:00 BST. It could be worth a listen.

There is also the case of boxing promoter Kellie (formerly Frank) Maloney. Maloney guided Lennox Lewis to the World Heavyweight Championship. Remarkably, even in such a macho environment he has received much support with Lewis himself saying, "This world we live in isn't always cut and dried or black and white, and coming from the boxing fraternity, I can only imagine what a difficult decision this must be for Kellie.” A full article on Kellie can be found here.

I bought he latest edition of Vanity Fair and I really enjoyed the “Call Me Caitlyn” article. It was very much in depth, not sensationalised and what a fantastic set of photos to accompany it.

Apart from the bravery of these women, one thing that stands out for me is that each have known for most of their lives that they were born into the wrong body. Maloney says, “I have always known I was a woman. I can't keep living in the shadows, ...living with the burden any longer would have killed me.” The other two women say pretty much the same thing in the coverage of their stories.

I suspect many (or even most) of us have felt the same thing in our lives. It would be wonderful if at an early age I could have confided in somebody to tell them my feelings. I don’t know whether I would have completed the full journey to the other side ― but maybe, even if I did not, I could have been made to feel less ashamed and guilty and found ways to let out my strong feminine side.

Hirst is in her late 30s, Jenner and Maloney in their 60s as they take the journey they have always really known they should make. If we assume his could have been done in their teens or twenties, that is a total of over a 100 years of human life that has not been lived to the fullest.

Wearing Madeleine.

Jerick Hoffer femulating in the "Manhattan Queens" episode of television's Blue Bloods (2014).

Overdresser

I am an overdresser. 

There ― I admitted it. I got it off my chest and now I don't have to worry about people accusing me of being an "overdresser" because I have come out to the world about it.

It is hard to overdress when you attend a trans support group meeting; many of the attendees overdress because the meeting may be their only opportunity to dress at all, so they dress to kill. 

That being said, when I attended trans support group meetings, I was usually the most overdressed girl at the meeting. Hands down. No question about it.

I carried on my overdressing when I began going out in public en femme. The woman in a cocktail dress and high heels shopping at Wal*Mart ― that was me. The woman in the sequin evening gown seated in the centerfield bleachers at Fenway Park ― that was me. The woman in the little black dress and pearls dining at Taco Bell ― you guessed it ― that was me, too.

At first, I worried about it because overdressing drew attention to me and by drawing attention to me, civilians might scrutinize me too closely and figure out that I was packing something extra underneath my periwinkle bridesmaid gown.

I sure did not want to out myself, so I began toning it down. But I soon found out that toned-down dressing was Boring with a capital B!

Blending in with all the other babes at Home Depot was just not my thing. I wanted to be outstanding in my field in heels, not flats. 

So, I began overdressing again and I have never looked back because in the words of blogger Kate Fridkis, "Being overdressed is fun. You have to pull it off with confidence. You have to walk with your shoulders back, like you planned it. Like you're dressed up because you live a dramatic, impressive life. I mean, why not? Maybe you do."

Ms. Fridkis' "The Art of Overdressing" on The Huffington Post inspired this post and I urge you to go read it yourself; maybe it will inspire you to buy a red strapless dress to wear to the grocery store.

Actor Tony Sheldon femulating on stage in Priscilla Queen of the Desert (2012)

Sit to Pee

Ms. Stana,

How do you act when you use the ladies' restroom when you are femulating? What do you do to use the toilet when you are in a dress or skirt?

Ms. Stacey Anne Smith, Ms.Trixie and Ms. Brooke want to know!

―

Hi Ladies,

Your mileage may vary depending on where you live, but here in Connecticut, the courts say to use the restroom that matches your gender presentation. So Stana uses the ladies' room and Stan uses the men's room.

Under such a policy, I feel completely safe using the ladies' rooms in Connecticut. I don't give it a second thought.

However, I do use the ladies' room wherever I find myself ― New York, Ohio, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania ― in locales that do not have Connecticut's diverse restroom policy. There is no way I am going to enter the men's room dressed to the nines in a skirt and heels! So I take a deep breath, gird my loins and use the ladies' room.

The average civilian does not examine every person they encounter to try to determine if they are trans or not. Unless the transperson presents in a way that will alert a civilian that something is amiss (or not a Miss), the transperson will blend into the background of the civilian's daily routine.

The same thing occurs when a civilian uses a restroom. They assume that all the ladies in the ladies' room are cisgender females. In fact, a non-cisgender female in the ladies' room is so foreign to civilians that it takes some doing to make them think otherwise. So, if they see a tall woman in the ladies' room, they are likely to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Some girls recommend getting in and out of the ladies' room as fast as possible, but in my opinion, a woman using the ladies' room in a hurried and perhaps furtive manner may raise a few eyebrows. When I use the ladies' room, I always put my best high-heeled foot forward. I walk into the ladies' room as if I belong, do my business, wash my hands, primp in the mirror and exit when I am done. All the while, I try not to bring attention to myself by acting inappropriately.

However, my appearance in the ladies' room does attract attention in a positive way and occasionally another women will compliment me on my appearance or ask me where I bought my shoes or whatever and I find myself engaging in a conversation with a lady in the ladies' room. How affirming is that?

Actually, I dread using the ladies' room for their intended purpose. Usually, the stalls are too tight for an Amazonian like me and it is difficult to get half undressed in that confined space, which is essentially what you have to do in order to do what you have to do; raise your dress or lower your slacks, lower your pantyhose, lower your panties and if you are wearing a girdle, you have to deal with that, too.

And after you do your business and wipe yourself, you have to get dressed in that confined space. That's why I closely check myself out in the mirror after exiting the stall to make sure everything is where it is supposed to be.

And while you are in the stall, don't put your bag on the floor ― yuck! Hang it on a hook that is usually mounted on inside of the stall door.

And most importantly, remember to sit to pee!

Wearing Oscar de la Renta dress, Dolce & Gabbana
bag, Jimmy Choo pumps and Prada sunglasses.

Actors Adam Scott and Paul Rudd femulating as Bosom Buddies
in television's The Greatest Event in Television History (2014).

Passing My Age

I wrote this piece over 10 years ago for my old blog. It is amazing how little has changed!

She's got legs; she knows how to use them*

Personally, I think that my legs are ok, but other people have convinced me that they are more so. My mother often said I had beautiful legs (and that I "should have been a girl with legs like yours"). My wife and other genetic women have admitted that I have nicer legs then they do. Other members of my support group (you know who you are) have complimented me on my legs, too.

I am tall, so my legs are long; maybe their length causes an optical illusion making them look better than they really are. I don't know, but I am not going to argue with success. If other people are happy with my legs, then I am happy with them, too.

So, I ask myself, "Since my legs are such a great asset, why not show them off?" I usually respond by wearing skirts and dresses with short hemlines (sometimes scandalously short hemlines) and high heels that are 2, 3, or 4 inches high.

Adding 4-inch heels to my 5-foot, 14-inch stature, I standout in a crowd topping out at an Amazonian 6 and 1/2 feet! When I am out in that crowd, some people may think I am an Amazon; other people may think I am a man in drag.

One rule of thumb for passing is that you should dress your age, i.e., if you are an XX-year-old crossdresser, you should dress like an XX-year-old genetic woman. At my age (XX equals 40-something-plus) that means long skirts and lower heels or worse. By "worse" I am referring to the fact that these days genetic women dress like genetic men! Trousers and slacks, not skirts and dresses, is the norm especially among women my age.

Last month, I dined with four other T-girls at City Steam in downtown Hartford. The place was full of 20 and 30-somethings, men and women alike. Do you know how many people I saw in the restaurant wearing a skirt or a dress? Two: one of the T-girls I was dining with and me! I did not see one genetic woman in a skirt or dress. The temperature was hovering around 0 degrees that evening, so that had something to do with the dearth of hemlines among the distaff side of the crowd. Yet, you would think that there would be a few skirts around the knees of some genetic women, but there were none.

If I wanted to pass that night, I should have worn slacks, not the short black skirt that I did wear. And if I really wanted to pass that night, I should have worn flats instead of high-heeled boots, socks instead of pantyhose, a plaid shirt instead of an animal-print top, boxers instead of a panty girdle, a t-shirt instead of a bra. Also, I should have nixed the make up and left my pocketbook, wig, and jewelry at home. Then, I would have passed easily, but as a man.

In my opinion, passing is overrated. If I have to make a choice between dressing to pass or dressing to thrill, I will choose dressing to thrill every time. Sometimes, I dress to pass, but that is no fun. For starters, when I dress to pass, I usually am not very happy with the clothing I wear. To make matters worse, when I dress to pass, I constantly worry about passing. I cannot enjoy myself out en femme. It is a real drag!

On the other hand, when I dress to thrill, I am very happy with the way I look and I can be myself because I do not worry about passing. What is interesting is that sometimes when I am dressed to thrill, I pass!

Here is my favorite passing-when-I-wasn't-trying story. Years ago, I did office girl drag for Halloween at work. I ran my pantyhose early in the day, so during lunch, I went to CVS to buy another pair. I did not want to cause a commotion, so when I entered the store, I went straight to the first employee I saw and explained my predicament, i.e., I had run my pantyhose and needed another pair for my Halloween costume. The woman I spoke to responded with, "The pantyhose are in the last aisle, ma'am." And so it goes.

So when I go out en femme, I am likely to dress to thrill and show off my legs rather than dress to pass. If I do pass, then that is just an extra thrill.

* You all probably recognize that line from ZZ Top's hit recording Legs. I wonder if you remember a brief T-moment in the video for that song. In the video, leggy girls, who are dressed over-the-top, are shopping in a boutique outfitting for another girl who is more conservatively dressed. The T-moment occurs when one of the leggy girls grabs a dress from a guy who is holding the garment up to himself to see how he looks in that dress.

Wearing Tart

Actor Josh Kenney femulates on stage in Fabulous!
The Queen of the New Musical Comedies.

Allison's Favorite Photo (of Allison!)

Hello Stana!

I'm a 33-year-old transwoman and a long time reader of your site. I've very much enjoyed seeing the photos and reading the stories you've shared from your readers and so I thought that I might share my favorite photo of me with you and the world.

The photo was taken in 2000 when I was about 18-years-old or so. I was still very much in the closet, but I had just come out to my sister and she insisted on giving me a makeover and doing a photo shoot. The attached photo was definitely the best of the bunch and remains one of my favorite photos of myself to this day.

Unfortunately I wasn't strong enough or brave enough to come out to the world back then. It wasn't until just a few years ago that I finally fully accepted myself and began my transition. I will be debuting my newest self to the world at my brother's upcoming wedding and will hopefully have some new photos to call my favorites!

Allison

Got selfies? My open invitation to post your favorite photo along with the story behind it and the reason it is your favorite photo still stands, so don't be shy, send me your fave foto. ― Stana

Wearing Halston Heritage

Actor Vince Gatton femulating Candy Darling on stage in Dorothy and Candy in 2006

Now that I am attractive to men there isn't a man I want.

"Now that I am attractive to men there isn't a man I want" is a quote by Candy Darling that appears in her book Candy Darling: Memoirs of an Andy Warhol Superstar.

Candy's words are my thoughts exactly.

I like bring attractive, but I want nothing to do with any man I attract. That may get me into trouble some day, but so far, so good.

Candy Darling was my first transgender idol. She was a peer and she was gorgeous. And she had the guts to go to New York City and be the woman was meant to be. Unlike me who lived to please everybody except myself and did not take the 90-minute train ride to the City to be the woman I was meant to be.

I purchased Candy's book for $1.99 in Kindle format from BookBub a few days ago.

If you like books, then you should check out BookBub. Everyday BookBub sends me an e-mail containing great deals on electronic editions of books in topics of my choosing. Typically, the books cost $.99 to $2.99 and some are free. Note that the deals are only good for one day, for example, Candy's book deal has expired and is now back to its normal price of $9.99.

I have added about 30 books to my library via BookBub. Some of the books are ones I probably would not have obtained at their retail price, but for a buck or two, I could not resist. Usually I am happy with my purchase, but even if I am not, I did not kill a tree in the process.

And so it goes.

Wearing Do & Be

At the prom