Now that I am attractive to men there isn't a man I want.

"Now that I am attractive to men there isn't a man I want" is a quote by Candy Darling that appears in her book Candy Darling: Memoirs of an Andy Warhol Superstar.

Candy's words are my thoughts exactly.

I like bring attractive, but I want nothing to do with any man I attract. That may get me into trouble some day, but so far, so good.

Candy Darling was my first transgender idol. She was a peer and she was gorgeous. And she had the guts to go to New York City and be the woman was meant to be. Unlike me who lived to please everybody except myself and did not take the 90-minute train ride to the City to be the woman I was meant to be.

I purchased Candy's book for $1.99 in Kindle format from BookBub a few days ago.

If you like books, then you should check out BookBub. Everyday BookBub sends me an e-mail containing great deals on electronic editions of books in topics of my choosing. Typically, the books cost $.99 to $2.99 and some are free. Note that the deals are only good for one day, for example, Candy's book deal has expired and is now back to its normal price of $9.99.

I have added about 30 books to my library via BookBub. Some of the books are ones I probably would not have obtained at their retail price, but for a buck or two, I could not resist. Usually I am happy with my purchase, but even if I am not, I did not kill a tree in the process.

And so it goes.

Wearing Do & Be

At the prom

Husbands, Wives and Breasts

In this day and age, it seems absurd that husbands still want wives with big breasts, but they do.

With that in mind, my parents started me on a regimen of hormone supplements as I approached puberty. The purpose of the hormones was to help me achieve a state of pulchritude that would make me more attractive to the opposite sex and eventually snag me a husband.

When I began taking the supplements, I had big expectations. My budding breasts seemed to outgrow my training bra overnight and I was soon sporting a new A-cup bra. However, as all my friends moved up the bra cup alphabet, my breasts refused to grow any larger. I was stuck at an A-cup even after the doctor increased the dosage of my hormones.

As I neared my sweet sixteen birthday with nary a date in sight, Mom offered me breast implants as a birthday gift. But I was adamant that no surgeon was going to take a scalpel to my surgically virgin body, so I refused.

Although I lacked bountiful breasts, I had other attractive features including a pair of long shapely to-die-for legs. To show them off, I always wore the shortest skirts and highest heels. On a few occasions, I was sent home from school because my skirts were so short that they revealed other assets.

Nevertheless, I built my wardrobe around mini-skirts and mini-dresses hoping to attract someone who preferred well-turned ankles over well-rounded breasts.

After graduating from high school, I became a receptionist at a high-tech engineering firm where I attracted a design engineer who was an unabashed leg aficionado. We dated for six months, then she asked for my hand in marriage.

We just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary and she still likes me to show off my legs. (She tells everyone, "He has the best legs in town.")

As her obedient and dutiful wife, I willingly comply and wear skirts or dresses and high heels throughout my day.

Wearing Chloe

Charles Demetri

Misfit

Alli Cummings was different than the others.

Other 12-year-olds were giddy about getting their first training bras, but not Alli, who was completely satisfied wearing a T-shirt.

Other pre-teens were experimenting with makeup and hairdos trying to look as pretty as possible, but not Alli, who had absolutely no interest in such feminine matters.

Instead of becoming a lady, Alli was becoming a misfit and Alli's parents were worried.

Alli's mom did not have time to deal with Alli. She worked all day and expected her better half to take care of any child-rearing issues.

One evening after dinner, Alli's mom demanded, "You have to do something about Alli!"

Alli's dad deferred, "Yes, dear. I know. I'll have a talk with Alli soon."

The next day, when Alli's dad heard Alli come home from school, he called out from the kitchen, "Alli, I want to speak with you."

"OK, Dad," Alli called back.

Alli shuffled to kitchen worried that something was wrong.

In the kitchen. Alli's dad was wearing his gauzy periwinkle apron and had his shoulder-length hair pulled back in a ponytail so as not to get in the way as he prepared dinner. When he saw Alli, his face brightened and he broke out in a big smile. "Hello, Sweetie."

"Hi, Daddy."

Alli was relieved by the big smile; maybe Alli was not in trouble after all.

"Sit down. We need to talk."

Now Alli was not so sure about being in trouble or not, and sat down on a chair at the kitchen table.

Alli's dad wiped his hands with a towel, then walked over to the table with his high heels clicking loudly on the tile floor. As he sat, he smoothed the skirt of his housedress under him, then crossed his legs at the ankles.

"So, Alli, what are your future plans?"

"What do you mean, Daddy."

"Well, what do you want to be when you grow up? A man or a wo-man?"

Alli was upset by the question. No one wanted to be a man and Alli was surprised that his dad would suggest that Alli would choose such a lowly status in life.

"I want to be a wo-man, of course," Alli replied.

"I'm glad to hear that," Alli's dad responded, "But actions speak louder than words and your actions tell me that you want to be a man, not a wo-man."

"Why do you say that, Daddy?"

"All the boys your age are getting into girly things, but you are still acting like a boy. I was talking with Mrs. Reardon the other day and he was bragging to me about how your best friend Timmi was becoming such a young wo-man. His dad said that Timmi has been wearing a training bra and corset for months and wears skirts and dresses now. And he had his first appointment at the beauty salon just last week."

"I know," Alli replied, "Timmi is so girly now just like Ralphi and Franni."

"Don't you want to be girly, too?"

"I do, but I'm scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"Ralphi said that when a girly boy turns 14, he has to have an operation and they cut off his privates."

"No, no. no. There is no operation. When you turn 14, you will go to the doctor and she shows you how to tuck your privates up between your legs. Then she will fit you with a femulator to keep your privates in place."

"But how will I pee if my privates are tucked up between my legs?"

"You'll have to sit on the toilet to pee and when you are done, you will have to wipe yourself dry with bathroom tissue.... just like a real woman. There's nothing to it!"

"So that's all... there's no operation?"

"No operation at all, Sweetie."

"That's great news, Daddy!"

"Any other questions, Alli? I have to get going and finish getting dinner ready before Mother comes home from work."

"Just one question, Daddy."

"What is it, Alli?"

"How soon can I start becoming a wo-man?"

Alli's dad was so happy to hear Alli's question that he wiped a tear from his eye as he answered, "We can start right after dinner. Mother bought you a training bra and a corset months ago in the hope that you were ready to go girly. I'll show you how to put on the bra and I will help you with your corset. Then I'll show you how to use makeup and if we have time, we can paint your nails and put your hair up in curlers. How does that sound?"

"I can't wait to go girly, Daddy."

"I can't wait for you to go girly, too, Alli."

Wearing Ann Taylor

Actors femulating in a 2014 Philadelphia stage production of As You Like It.

US Military in Transition

By Bree Wagner

Due to recent events, I am in no frame of mind to write original posts for this blog, but it's getting better all the time! Anyway, Bree Wagner volunteered to write a post for the blog... a timely piece regarding USA's military! 

Bree Wagner

Some of you may know that I serve as an officer in the United States Air Force and that transgender individuals are still not allowed to openly serve in the US military. We all take a risk to be who we are and can't live fully authentic lives. The dishonesty and fear are difficult burdens to bear. However, through some amazing people and advocacy work the good news is really starting to roll in, though we're not to the finish line yet. #opentransservice is the goal and we're going to get there soon!

Here's a brief rundown of where we've been over the past year or so.

The first major media attention came out last year with a lot of stories about Kristin Beck, the retired Navy Seal. Over the winter several high-level DoD officials, including the Secretary of the Air Force, expressed their support for open trans service. These statements culminated in February when newly confirmed SecDef Carter visited Afghanistan and was asked about trans service by LCDR (Dr.) Jesse Ehrenfeld. He expressed support based on their ability to serve. Following the Q&A he shook hands with a hell of an impressive individual, SrA Logan Ireland, who is a FTM security forces airmen. The story is here.

A few months later the Army released an ALARACT (All Army Activities) raising the level of discharge authority for transgender soldiers up to the Assistant Secretary of the Army for manpower. A similar step was taken prior to the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell for gay and lesbian soldiers.

This month things really started to speed up. On June 4, the New York Times published a stunning editorial calling for the Pentagon to change the policy and let transgender troops serve openly. The story featured several of my good friends, including the already mention SrA Ireland, and an incredible video by an amazing ally and lead of the TransMilitary project, Fiona Dawson. Please check this one out and watch the touching video of Logan and Laila's struggle.

The evening that story was released came even bigger news, especially for me personally. The Air Force released a statement that did some things similar to the earlier announcement by the Army, but also went well beyond it in reinterpreting the policy to say Identification as transgender, absent a record of poor duty performance, misconduct, or a medically disqualifying condition, is not a basis for involuntary separation.

Wow! Huge change and a massive weight lifted from many shoulders. The full official announcement is here.

That weekend, another good friend of mine, Maj (Dr.) Jamie Lee Henry, told her story and was published in Buzzfeed. Jamie is the first known case where someone has had their gender changed in the official military personnel system (DEERS). She's still fighting to be allowed to wear the uniform and follow the grooming standards that are consistent with her legal gender.

We went into the following week, where the SecDef was speaking at Pentagon Pride, with some lofty aspirations. The hope was that he would announce a formal revision of the policy or at least acknowledge trans service members.

Unfortunately, we we're let down. Though the words were good, and everything people would have liked to hear applied to trans service, there was no mention made whatsoever. It was a huge disappointment, but momentum was still on our side. 

Earlier this week, the Colorado Springs paper did a front page story on Patricia King. She's an openly trans infantry NCO. 

However, not every story is positive. There is still far to much control at local levels and that results in a massive hodgepodge of policies that are different depending on where an individual is located. Our work isn't done.

On June 16, the Navy said it was reviewing similar changes to what the Army and the Air Force have done. That would leave only the Marine Corps to go, but there are still DoD level policies to be changed and all the services will need to formally change their policies as well.

After the policies change, there is still a lot of work to be done regarding implementation and to ensure that policies are applied fairly. DoD will also need to change it's non-discrimination policy to include gender identity just as it recently added sexual orientation (4 years after DADT repeal!). 

I really applaud the work done by some very courageous individuals in telling their stories and pressing the boundaries. If not for them, allies like Fiona, and the wonderful support and advocacy organization SPART*A, we wouldn't be nearly so far down the road.

During this period, I tried to play a small part by working booths at the Philly Trans Health conference and at the DC Pride Festival. I was there to help spread the word about the SPARTA organization and to raise money for an emergency fund for trans service members by selling t-shirts. It was a great experience and I got to talk to so many wonderful people. Like Stana, I had been a veteran of many conferences, but this was my first time as a "Booth Babe."

I invite you to please support our efforts and get involved where you can. If you'd like to know more, please let me know. If you are a transgender service member (active duty, guard, or reserve) and are looking for support and resources, I'd be glad to put you in touch with a wider community. #opentransservice ― coming soon!

Wearing Sportsmax

Contestants in a womanless beauty pageant.

A “Charming” Night at Derby and Dice

By Jeanine Williams

Due to recent events, I am in no frame of mind to write original posts for this blog. However, my sister femulator from Minnesota, Jeanine Williams, kindly offered to step in and write a post for the blog and here it is!

Last month I had the opportunity to attend a fundraiser for the Duluth (MN) Playhouse held at the Northland Country Club. I’ve attended events before at the Underground and have had lots of fun and met some wonderful people (as shown in the photos!) Backtracking a bit, in March I won an essay contest that was held in tandem with the Love, Loss and What I Wore play and the first place prize included 2 tickets to the show, 2 drinks, a $25 gift certificate to Art in the Alley, a local eclectic clothing store and a piece of custom made jewelry. I donated it all except one ticket to the Saturday night performance. Here is the link to that if you’re interested.

This became the second time I attended an event at the Northland CC – a few weeks prior I went to a fundraiser for a local Shakespeare theatre group, and sat with a group of 4 other women who were great company and readily accepted me as one of their own.

It was a masquerade event and I wore a new navy blue wrap dress by Chaps, simple but elegant. This was one of 2 Chaps dresses I had ordered online and I’m quite happy with both of them. I wore a blue and black color blocked dress to the Derby and Dice fundraiser, and here are some photos for that as well. I did a much better job on my make-up this time but Charm (the horse) was not that impressed at first, although we did become friends after this photo was taken.

After checking in and collecting my “funny money” to gamble with I wandered around a bit and then met Linda and Susie who were the dealers at the craps table. I’ve never played craps before but they taught me and before I knew it I became the “hot” roller and everyone was making $ before I eventually crapped out. Here’s a picture of me with Linda and Susie. All the girls were asked to wear a hat, mine is simple (but really cute), and many were quite elaborate like those found on the infield at the Kentucky Derby, and of course mint juleps were also being served.

Linda and I later went upstairs to the “members only” club and bar and engaged in some great girl talk.

After that I tried my hand at Blackjack but even when I managed to draw 21 the dealer matched it every time and I “lost” quite a bit before winning once. I also bid on a few items at the silent auction and did score once on a resort hotel nights stay for only $60.

After Derby and Dice ended I met up with another woman and a male friend for drinks at my favorite bar, the Blackwater Lounge in downtown Duluth. We chatted ‘til the staff turned up the lights to let us know they were closing. Once again I had a great night out as a woman and was treated with nothing but respect and dignity, making several new friends along the way. Finally, here’s another pic modeling the Chaps dress and another wearing my favorite panne blue velvet dress that I wore a month before to the fundraiser for Duluth Pride with my friend Sue.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Professional French femulator Fifi Pervenche, circa 1960

June 21, 2015

If male-to-female transgenders are called "transwomen," should male-to-female transgender fathers be called "transmothers" ?

Make sure to give your Dad a Father's Day she will remember.

Instead of buying Dad a new tie or a bottle of wine, get her a gift certificate from Victoria's Secret or a bottle of Chanel No. 5. To make Dad's day complete, tell Dad to wear her most feminine outfit, then take Dad out to her favorite restaurant. It will be a Father's Day that she will never forget.

- Fathers and Sons -

- Fathers and Daughters -

- “Dad’s in Drag” Contests -

- Femulating Fathers Funnies -