Misfit

Alli Cummings was different than the others.

Other 12-year-olds were giddy about getting their first training bras, but not Alli, who was completely satisfied wearing a T-shirt.

Other pre-teens were experimenting with makeup and hairdos trying to look as pretty as possible, but not Alli, who had absolutely no interest in such feminine matters.

Instead of becoming a lady, Alli was becoming a misfit and Alli's parents were worried.

Alli's mom did not have time to deal with Alli. She worked all day and expected her better half to take care of any child-rearing issues.

One evening after dinner, Alli's mom demanded, "You have to do something about Alli!"

Alli's dad deferred, "Yes, dear. I know. I'll have a talk with Alli soon."

The next day, when Alli's dad heard Alli come home from school, he called out from the kitchen, "Alli, I want to speak with you."

"OK, Dad," Alli called back.

Alli shuffled to kitchen worried that something was wrong.

In the kitchen. Alli's dad was wearing his gauzy periwinkle apron and had his shoulder-length hair pulled back in a ponytail so as not to get in the way as he prepared dinner. When he saw Alli, his face brightened and he broke out in a big smile. "Hello, Sweetie."

"Hi, Daddy."

Alli was relieved by the big smile; maybe Alli was not in trouble after all.

"Sit down. We need to talk."

Now Alli was not so sure about being in trouble or not, and sat down on a chair at the kitchen table.

Alli's dad wiped his hands with a towel, then walked over to the table with his high heels clicking loudly on the tile floor. As he sat, he smoothed the skirt of his housedress under him, then crossed his legs at the ankles.

"So, Alli, what are your future plans?"

"What do you mean, Daddy."

"Well, what do you want to be when you grow up? A man or a wo-man?"

Alli was upset by the question. No one wanted to be a man and Alli was surprised that his dad would suggest that Alli would choose such a lowly status in life.

"I want to be a wo-man, of course," Alli replied.

"I'm glad to hear that," Alli's dad responded, "But actions speak louder than words and your actions tell me that you want to be a man, not a wo-man."

"Why do you say that, Daddy?"

"All the boys your age are getting into girly things, but you are still acting like a boy. I was talking with Mrs. Reardon the other day and he was bragging to me about how your best friend Timmi was becoming such a young wo-man. His dad said that Timmi has been wearing a training bra and corset for months and wears skirts and dresses now. And he had his first appointment at the beauty salon just last week."

"I know," Alli replied, "Timmi is so girly now just like Ralphi and Franni."

"Don't you want to be girly, too?"

"I do, but I'm scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"Ralphi said that when a girly boy turns 14, he has to have an operation and they cut off his privates."

"No, no. no. There is no operation. When you turn 14, you will go to the doctor and she shows you how to tuck your privates up between your legs. Then she will fit you with a femulator to keep your privates in place."

"But how will I pee if my privates are tucked up between my legs?"

"You'll have to sit on the toilet to pee and when you are done, you will have to wipe yourself dry with bathroom tissue.... just like a real woman. There's nothing to it!"

"So that's all... there's no operation?"

"No operation at all, Sweetie."

"That's great news, Daddy!"

"Any other questions, Alli? I have to get going and finish getting dinner ready before Mother comes home from work."

"Just one question, Daddy."

"What is it, Alli?"

"How soon can I start becoming a wo-man?"

Alli's dad was so happy to hear Alli's question that he wiped a tear from his eye as he answered, "We can start right after dinner. Mother bought you a training bra and a corset months ago in the hope that you were ready to go girly. I'll show you how to put on the bra and I will help you with your corset. Then I'll show you how to use makeup and if we have time, we can paint your nails and put your hair up in curlers. How does that sound?"

"I can't wait to go girly, Daddy."

"I can't wait for you to go girly, too, Alli."

Wearing Ann Taylor

Actors femulating in a 2014 Philadelphia stage production of As You Like It.

US Military in Transition

By Bree Wagner

Due to recent events, I am in no frame of mind to write original posts for this blog, but it's getting better all the time! Anyway, Bree Wagner volunteered to write a post for the blog... a timely piece regarding USA's military! 

Bree Wagner

Some of you may know that I serve as an officer in the United States Air Force and that transgender individuals are still not allowed to openly serve in the US military. We all take a risk to be who we are and can't live fully authentic lives. The dishonesty and fear are difficult burdens to bear. However, through some amazing people and advocacy work the good news is really starting to roll in, though we're not to the finish line yet. #opentransservice is the goal and we're going to get there soon!

Here's a brief rundown of where we've been over the past year or so.

The first major media attention came out last year with a lot of stories about Kristin Beck, the retired Navy Seal. Over the winter several high-level DoD officials, including the Secretary of the Air Force, expressed their support for open trans service. These statements culminated in February when newly confirmed SecDef Carter visited Afghanistan and was asked about trans service by LCDR (Dr.) Jesse Ehrenfeld. He expressed support based on their ability to serve. Following the Q&A he shook hands with a hell of an impressive individual, SrA Logan Ireland, who is a FTM security forces airmen. The story is here.

A few months later the Army released an ALARACT (All Army Activities) raising the level of discharge authority for transgender soldiers up to the Assistant Secretary of the Army for manpower. A similar step was taken prior to the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell for gay and lesbian soldiers.

This month things really started to speed up. On June 4, the New York Times published a stunning editorial calling for the Pentagon to change the policy and let transgender troops serve openly. The story featured several of my good friends, including the already mention SrA Ireland, and an incredible video by an amazing ally and lead of the TransMilitary project, Fiona Dawson. Please check this one out and watch the touching video of Logan and Laila's struggle.

The evening that story was released came even bigger news, especially for me personally. The Air Force released a statement that did some things similar to the earlier announcement by the Army, but also went well beyond it in reinterpreting the policy to say Identification as transgender, absent a record of poor duty performance, misconduct, or a medically disqualifying condition, is not a basis for involuntary separation.

Wow! Huge change and a massive weight lifted from many shoulders. The full official announcement is here.

That weekend, another good friend of mine, Maj (Dr.) Jamie Lee Henry, told her story and was published in Buzzfeed. Jamie is the first known case where someone has had their gender changed in the official military personnel system (DEERS). She's still fighting to be allowed to wear the uniform and follow the grooming standards that are consistent with her legal gender.

We went into the following week, where the SecDef was speaking at Pentagon Pride, with some lofty aspirations. The hope was that he would announce a formal revision of the policy or at least acknowledge trans service members.

Unfortunately, we we're let down. Though the words were good, and everything people would have liked to hear applied to trans service, there was no mention made whatsoever. It was a huge disappointment, but momentum was still on our side. 

Earlier this week, the Colorado Springs paper did a front page story on Patricia King. She's an openly trans infantry NCO. 

However, not every story is positive. There is still far to much control at local levels and that results in a massive hodgepodge of policies that are different depending on where an individual is located. Our work isn't done.

On June 16, the Navy said it was reviewing similar changes to what the Army and the Air Force have done. That would leave only the Marine Corps to go, but there are still DoD level policies to be changed and all the services will need to formally change their policies as well.

After the policies change, there is still a lot of work to be done regarding implementation and to ensure that policies are applied fairly. DoD will also need to change it's non-discrimination policy to include gender identity just as it recently added sexual orientation (4 years after DADT repeal!). 

I really applaud the work done by some very courageous individuals in telling their stories and pressing the boundaries. If not for them, allies like Fiona, and the wonderful support and advocacy organization SPART*A, we wouldn't be nearly so far down the road.

During this period, I tried to play a small part by working booths at the Philly Trans Health conference and at the DC Pride Festival. I was there to help spread the word about the SPARTA organization and to raise money for an emergency fund for trans service members by selling t-shirts. It was a great experience and I got to talk to so many wonderful people. Like Stana, I had been a veteran of many conferences, but this was my first time as a "Booth Babe."

I invite you to please support our efforts and get involved where you can. If you'd like to know more, please let me know. If you are a transgender service member (active duty, guard, or reserve) and are looking for support and resources, I'd be glad to put you in touch with a wider community. #opentransservice ― coming soon!

Wearing Sportsmax

Contestants in a womanless beauty pageant.

A “Charming” Night at Derby and Dice

By Jeanine Williams

Due to recent events, I am in no frame of mind to write original posts for this blog. However, my sister femulator from Minnesota, Jeanine Williams, kindly offered to step in and write a post for the blog and here it is!

Last month I had the opportunity to attend a fundraiser for the Duluth (MN) Playhouse held at the Northland Country Club. I’ve attended events before at the Underground and have had lots of fun and met some wonderful people (as shown in the photos!) Backtracking a bit, in March I won an essay contest that was held in tandem with the Love, Loss and What I Wore play and the first place prize included 2 tickets to the show, 2 drinks, a $25 gift certificate to Art in the Alley, a local eclectic clothing store and a piece of custom made jewelry. I donated it all except one ticket to the Saturday night performance. Here is the link to that if you’re interested.

This became the second time I attended an event at the Northland CC – a few weeks prior I went to a fundraiser for a local Shakespeare theatre group, and sat with a group of 4 other women who were great company and readily accepted me as one of their own.

It was a masquerade event and I wore a new navy blue wrap dress by Chaps, simple but elegant. This was one of 2 Chaps dresses I had ordered online and I’m quite happy with both of them. I wore a blue and black color blocked dress to the Derby and Dice fundraiser, and here are some photos for that as well. I did a much better job on my make-up this time but Charm (the horse) was not that impressed at first, although we did become friends after this photo was taken.

After checking in and collecting my “funny money” to gamble with I wandered around a bit and then met Linda and Susie who were the dealers at the craps table. I’ve never played craps before but they taught me and before I knew it I became the “hot” roller and everyone was making $ before I eventually crapped out. Here’s a picture of me with Linda and Susie. All the girls were asked to wear a hat, mine is simple (but really cute), and many were quite elaborate like those found on the infield at the Kentucky Derby, and of course mint juleps were also being served.

Linda and I later went upstairs to the “members only” club and bar and engaged in some great girl talk.

After that I tried my hand at Blackjack but even when I managed to draw 21 the dealer matched it every time and I “lost” quite a bit before winning once. I also bid on a few items at the silent auction and did score once on a resort hotel nights stay for only $60.

After Derby and Dice ended I met up with another woman and a male friend for drinks at my favorite bar, the Blackwater Lounge in downtown Duluth. We chatted ‘til the staff turned up the lights to let us know they were closing. Once again I had a great night out as a woman and was treated with nothing but respect and dignity, making several new friends along the way. Finally, here’s another pic modeling the Chaps dress and another wearing my favorite panne blue velvet dress that I wore a month before to the fundraiser for Duluth Pride with my friend Sue.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Professional French femulator Fifi Pervenche, circa 1960

June 21, 2015

If male-to-female transgenders are called "transwomen," should male-to-female transgender fathers be called "transmothers" ?

Make sure to give your Dad a Father's Day she will remember.

Instead of buying Dad a new tie or a bottle of wine, get her a gift certificate from Victoria's Secret or a bottle of Chanel No. 5. To make Dad's day complete, tell Dad to wear her most feminine outfit, then take Dad out to her favorite restaurant. It will be a Father's Day that she will never forget.

- Fathers and Sons -

- Fathers and Daughters -

- “Dad’s in Drag” Contests -

- Femulating Fathers Funnies -

Dressing to Please Yourself

Due to recent events, I am in no frame of mind to write original posts for this blog, so I plan to run "The Best of Femulate" until I feel better. Today's "Best" is from October 2011 and discusses how to dress ― appropriately or otherwise.

The topic of Ginger Burr's blog this week is "Please Yourself First" when it comes to deciding what to wear and dealing with people who criticize your wardrobe decisions. 

"Generally speaking when you feel fabulous about how you look (even if others do not totally agree), their unsolicited comments have much less charge to them."

Her words are applicable to cisgender and trangender woman alike and I highly recommend reading them.

Unless there is something technically wrong with what I am wearing, like a run in my pantyhose, I ignore negative comments about my choice of dress. If I am happy with the way I look, that is what matters to me and I will be comfortable in my skins.

When I went to the mall the other day, I thought I was one of the best dressed customers, male or female, in the mall (at least in comparison to the ones I saw). 

Do you realize how empowering that is?

You just want to strut your stuff. And if someone checks you out, you know why ― because your dress is attractive, you stand out in the crowd. People are thinking that she or he really knows how to put herself or himself together.

Now I don't recommend wearing an evening gown and tiara to go shopping at the mall. Instead, dress a little over the top, but in a way that is plausible. For example, my mallwear was plausible for a businesswoman shopping or working at the mall. And that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Which reminds me, when I was wandering through the racks in Nordstrom on an outing earlier this year, a woman came up to me and asked me a question because she thought I was a Nordstrom saleswoman.

And so it goes.

Wearing Boston Proper

Womanless beauty pageant contestant number 6

my amazing Amazon evening

Due to recent events, I am in no frame of mind to write original posts for this blog, so I plan to run "The Best of Femulate" until I recover. Today's "Best" is from December 2009 and recollects my first visit to a casino as a woman.

Yesterday, I had a spectacular outing en femme.

I was dressed and out the door at 4 PM and drove to Middletown to dine with friends at an upscale restaurant. I was the first to arrive. A waitress seated me at our table and I ordered a mango martini.

My friends arrived a few minutes later: Maryann and Carole, the couple I have done outreach with so many times in the past, Robin and Arline, another couple who I have known for years, and one of my oldest trans friends, Diana.

Surprise! After Diana arrived, she announced that she was buying my dinner (in appreciation for some editing I have done for her recently). Thank-you, Diana.

The dinner and dinner conversation were excellent.

I told everyone that I was undecided about going to the Mohegan Sun casino after dinner. I was a little nervous about going by myself and needed a little encouragement.

Robin provided the encouragement. She has been to the casino numerous times en femme and said that I would have "no problem."

So I departed around 7:15 PM and I drove 40 minutes to the casino. I never use valet parking, but it was so cold last night, I did not feel like walking through a damp, cold, and dimly-lit parking garage, so I pulled up to the entrance of the casino, gave the valet my car keys, and sashayed inside. I checked my coat and was ready to have some fun at the "Sun."

I immediately noticed that I was one of the few women in the casino wearing a dress (and a very nice dress at that). As a result, I caught men and women eyeing me at various times during my visit.

You can never be sure if they are looking because you are looking good or because you are looking trans, however, I do know I passed some of the time because while I was walking through the casino shopping mall, a guy who walked by me in the opposite direction remarked to his friends, "Did you see the Amazon?"

Furthermore, I did not hear a discouraging word during my visit. So, on the passing front, it was a very encouraging night.

The casino does not permit photography inside the casino, so I walked through the shopping mall looking for a place to take a photo and for someone to take the photo. When I found a photogenic spot, I asked the first friendly-looking woman I saw to take my photo and she happily agreed to do so (the result accompanies this blog posting).

Another reason I was in the mall was to check out the night club and get in some dancing, but the night club was not very busy. I imagine that on a Wednesday nights, the joint is usually not hopping, so I skipped the nightclub.

On the gambling front, I decided to gamble $100, no more, no less. I only play 25-cent slot machines, so I figured that $100 should be more than adequate for my two- or three-hour visit.

Immediately, I won $50, so I played with the casino's money for awhile, but I eventually fed their $50 and my $50 into their machines.

I had made up my mind to leave the casino at 10:30 PM. I was about $20 into my second $50 at about 10:15, when I sat down at what I figured would be the last slot machine of the evening. On my fifth or sixth spin, I won $150. Perfect timing. I collected my winnings, collected my coat and the valet collected my car with me tipping the coat check man and valet generously.

Last night was the first time I ever accessorized with a scarf. The scarf I wore was one of my deceased Mother's scarves; I felt that she was with me throughout the evening and may have brought me some luck at the slot machines. Thank-you, Mom!

Wearing Trina Turk

Actor Caleb Goh in the 1998 Singaporian film That's The Way I Like It