Tuesday, June 16, 2015

How Do You Know You're A Woman?

This is the first image to appear when I Googled transwoman
A Woman

By Ann Friedman


A few years ago, a colleague of mine asked me, “How do you know you’re a woman?” I had no idea how to answer her. I was enough of a feminist to know I couldn’t just list things like, “I’ve been called a girl since birth. I get a period. I like wearing lipstick.” But it also seemed disingenuous to say that I felt most like a woman when I was making tough decisions at work or lifting something heavy. Ultimately, I decided, I “just know” that I’m a woman.

It’s no coincidence that the colleague who asked is transgender. Her point was to push a variety of women to answer a question that she’d been asked countless times.

You can read the rest of this excellent article at The Cut.





Source: MyHabit
Wearing Torn





Edgar Mirjamsdotter
Edgar Mirjamsdotter's high school graduation outfit


Monday, June 15, 2015

Death in the Family

I watched a family member die Saturday afternoon.

Early Saturday afternoon, my wife got a call to get to the hospital as soon as possible because her sister was on her death bed.

My sister-in-law has had poor health as long as I have known her, but she is tough and has lived on despite all her health issues. However, her heart finally gave up early Saturday morning and they rushed her to the ICU where she was being kept alive by a variety of devices connected to her body.

Mid-afternoon, my sister-in-law's daughter decided to take her off life support. They disconnected her and for the next 15 minutes, we surrounded her bed watching her life end.

Voice


Ms. Stana,

Should I take some voice lessons or should I just speak softly or as little as possible when I femulate in public?

Thank you for your time and patience, Love ya and you go gurl!!!

Ms.Stacey Anne Smith, Ms.Trixie and Ms. Brooke



Hi Stana,

The issue I would most like to improve is my feminine voice. I think I follow the basics, e.g., speaking less harshly, raising the pitch (without overdoing it) and speaking more slowly. Is there a good tutorial (or alternative) that is not too expensive and to which I could get access? Or even some exercises that would improve this part of my presentation.

I’ve heard the name Melanie Phillips being mentioned, but all enquiries have met with a dead end.

Hoping you can help,

Michelle x



Hi Ladies,

If you are going to present as a woman, you should speak like a woman. Your femulation may look like Angelina, but if you sound like Brad, it’s not going to work.

Speaking as little as possible or not at all will work, but it will make it very difficult to interact with other people.

Depending on your natural voice, speaking softly and raising your pitch ever so slightly might work.
Voice lessons will work, but they can be expensive.

I looked for inexpensive voice lessons and discovered Melanie Ann Phillips course.

When I purchased the course, it was only available in VHS format, so I dubbed the audio to a cassette tape and played it every day on my commute to and from work.

At first, I was disappointed ― my voice still sounded the same and nothing like Melanie Ann Phillips perfect femme voice.

But one day after about three weeks in, this fabulous femme voice came from my lips. I was shocked and could not believe that voice was coming from me!

In addition to perfecting the sound of your voice, Melanie’s course also covers how to use that sound, that is, she not only teaches you how to make your voice sound like a lady, but how to enunciate like a lady and what words and phrases to use and avoid to sound ladylike.

Her course has been updated since the VHS version and is now available as MP3 files that you can download to your MP3 player or smart phone. The course only cost $19.95 US... here is the link.

I highly recommend it.





Source: Travel & Liesure
Wearing Dior dress and shoes



Source: Pinterest
A happy couple


Saturday, June 13, 2015

Stana's Favorite Photo (of Stana!)

Ready for the Hall of Fame
This is a rerun more or less, however, I like the story so much and it is the third anniversary of the event and I have no more favorite photos from you girls to post (hint, hint) that I decided to post this story again with some editing to freshen it up.

My favorite photo of me is one that I self-took after I got dressed to kill to attend my law school class reunion in June 2012. I like the photo for a number of reasons: I love the outfit I put together and I don't look bad for a 61-year-old woman.

But also, the photo is my favorite because attending the reunion was probably the most daring thing I ever did. Unlike other outings where I forewarned my friends and acquaintances, I went into the reunion cold. My name was on the guest list, so my classmates knew I would be attending, but they had no idea I would be attending in my true gender.

By the way, as I wrote here back in 2012, "My law school reunion experience was just fabulous!"

Here's the whole story.

For those of you out of the loop, on Saturday evening, I attended my law school reunion at the Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, MA.

Getting ready yesterday afternoon, I cut myself badly using a new blade in my razor. It was a deep cut just under my left nostril and it took forever to stop bleeding. As a result, it took me longer to do my makeup, initially working around the cut, then waiting for the bleeding to stop when I could go no further by working around it. Luckily, I started doing my makeup early enough so that any technical difficulties would not affect my arrival time at the Hall of Fame.

I was dressed and out the door (after snapping a few photos) at 4:45 PM to make the 50-mile trip by 6 PM when the cocktail hour began. On the way, the traffic message boards on the interstate informed me that the exit I had to take to switch from I-84 to I-91 was closed and it recommended a detour via another highway.

I thought about driving to an exit before the closed exit and trying to work my way via the Hartford city streets to an I-91 entrance, but I was familiar with the recommended detour and figured I would only lose 10 minutes, whereas who knew how much time Plan A would cost me. So I took the detour and lost about 20 minutes instead of 10.

The rest of the trip was smooth-sailing and I arrived at the Hall of Fame at 5:55 PM ― perfect timing!

I entered the Hall of Fame complex and quickly found the site of the reunion. I was in error in that I thought that the reunion would be held in the Center Court banquet hall. Instead, it took place in a smaller banquet hall in the complex. It was not as spectacular as I pictured the Center Court, but it was very nice nonetheless.

I checked in and immediately encountered the woman who I had exchanged a few e-mails with concerning the reunion. I introduced myself; she welcomed me and helped me find my name badge.

There were about 20 people already in attendance. I recognized one of my classmates, CR, a woman who I considered a school acquaintance, not a long lost friend. I said hello to her and she returned a hello, while looking at my name badge trying to figure out who I was (the badge listed Stana, my real last name, and my class year, 1977).

She was carrying a copy of our class yearbook, so I suggested she look me up in the yearbook to refresh her memory. She did and when she put two-and-two together, she exclaimed, "Oh my god! Stanley, you are beautiful now!"

She gushed over how I had changed and then we chatted a bit trying to catch up on the past 35 years in five minutes. CR was distracted by another person, who I did not recognize, so I went to the bar and got a glass of white wine.

My Classmates and I
I mingled with myself for about five minutes, then CR came around again and pointed me the direction of a table where other 1977 classmates were gathering, so I headed in that direction. There I found two other female school acquaintances (PM and LF) and one of my best friends (JB) and his wife.

An aside, as it turned out, there were nine people in my class who made it to the reunion. Four women and five men. All the women came solo and all five men came with their wives. I believe that the three other women are unattached.

Both PM and LF welcomed me with open arms as if we were old girlfriends and not just acquaintances (I think CR had informed them of my presence before I found their table, so they were expecting me). I did not recognize JB immediately, but when I realized it was my old friend, I greeted him warmly and gave him a hug. His wife, EB, introduced herself and she was very welcoming, too. We all exchanged our stories about the last 35 years, but the women were more interested in hearing my story than relating theirs to me. So as not to disappoint, I obliged and held an impromptu outreach session.

Another friend, MM, showed up and he greeted me like the old friends we were.

The cocktail hour flew by and before I knew it, PM was beckoning me to join her at the 1977 table in the dining room. I sat down next to PM and we chatted forever, mostly about me. She assumed that I was a post-op TS and I explained that I was not. Actually, everyone I talked to about being transgender assumed I was post-op and I explained to all of them that I was not.

PM said that I was undoubtedly a woman and that I was more of a woman than she was! She said she never felt like a "woman" and was not sure what it meant to feel like a woman. I basically said we are what we are, but society pigeonholes us as "men" or "women" according to their "standards."

After dinner, which by the way, was excellent, I had a long discussion with EB about being transgender. EB is in the entertainment industry in New York City and as a result, she is familiar with  transgenders and knows where I am coming from more or less.

I mentioned to her that her husband, JB, was the person who told me at the law school Halloween party 36 years ago, that he never realized how feminine I was until he saw me in my costume en femme and realized that it was such a good fit for me and my personality, mannerisms, etc.

MM sat down next to me to chat a bit and said that I was very brave to do what I did. And I replied with my standard comeback to the bravery comment, that is, I don't consider it brave to be yourself… to be what who you are. But he said I was too modest and that if he was in the same situation, he doubted if he could do what I did.

Maybe, maybe not, but it was very nice of MM to say what he did. In fact, I received nothing but support and positive words from all my classmates.

I did not mix much with the other attendees; there was not much time to do so. But early on, one woman from the class of 2006 introduced herself and we had a short chat about what we had in common, that is, the mispronunciation of our first names. Her name is Zoe and people call her Zo or Zo-ee.  About half the people pronounced my name correctly (rhymes with Donna) and the other half got it wrong, but I didn't mind.

The only other non-classmate I recall speaking with was a professor who dined at our table and sat right next to me. He began teaching at the school the year after I graduated, so he did not know me from the school, but I asked him about what happened to some of the people I worked with way back when (I worked in the library while attending law school) and he tried to fill me in on what he remembered (not much as it turned out).

Another aside... the three female classmates who I conversed with extensively at the reunion seldom spoke to me when we were attending law school. I cannot recall having an extended conversation with any of them back then.

So, needless to say, I was very surprised how well they interfaced with me at the reunion. It was like we were four old girlfriends reliving the past. I assure you that I am not complaining, but I was very surprised nonetheless.

The evening ended much too quickly and I was on my way home at 10:30 PM.

I had a wonderful time to put it mildly!


Source: Boston Proper
Wearing Boston Proper


Source: Pinterest
The "Best" in the womanless beauty pageant



Friday, June 12, 2015

Thea's favorite Photos (of Thea!)


Hi Stana,

Recently I bought a couple of new outfits. So I took up the challenge of the mirror-image selfie, inspired by your post a couple of days ago.

I'm not quite ready to meet the world, but I think these are a pretty good way to evaluate how I look. I choose to see the positive.

On the positive, these are my favorite pictures ever. The black sweater dress does something very nice for me, I think, I love it! Thank you Vera Wang. And it was a clearance bargain at Kohl's, $20. I don't mind saying that the breasts are 100% me.

I don't ignore the negative, much could be improved. But looking at the photos does confirm that I'm feeling more like my natural self.

I don't claim to be a good fashion photographer, but I do have a little tip about using flash with mirrors. You need a ceiling and/or corner from which to get good diffused bounce light. And you have to get the angles right so the bounce does not come straight off of the mirror. I didn't do that great, but these were the best of about three dozen tries.

Thea

Calling all girls! My open invitation to post your favorite photo along with the story behind it and the reason it is your favorite photo still stands, so don't be shy, send me your fave foto. ― Stana





Source: Boston Proper
Wearing Boston Proper


Re-Designing Women
Actors Jamie Morris, Ashton McKay and Shawver Chad Peterson on stage in Re-Designing Women


Thursday, June 11, 2015

Facebook Will Out You

I tried to log into my Facebook account and was informed:

Sorry, this page isn't available.

The link you followed may be broken, or the page may have been removed.

Then Facebook asked:

Please Change Your Name.

It looks like the name on your Facebook account may not be your authentic name. We ask everyone to use the name they go by in real life so friends know who they're connecting with.

What names are allowed on Facebook?

If this is the name you use in your everyday life, we would like to work with you to verify the name that best represents your identity. We accept a number of documents to allow you to verify your everyday name.

My Facebook account is "Stana Stana." It is the my "authentic name," that is, the name I use "so friends know who they're connecting with." However, it is not my "legal" name and as a result, I have no paperwork to prove to Facebook that Stana Stana is authentic.

Facebook will permit me to use Stana Stana as a nickname associated with an account under my legal name. However, that is not a viable option because (1) it will require me to set up a new account and lose everything (hundreds of Facebook friends, messages, photos, etc.) associated with my Stana Stana account and (2) my legal name will be displayed in my profile, thus outing me to the millions of Facebook users. (Yeah, I know I am pretty much as outed as one can be, but there are still a few people who don't know and I prefer it that way.)

Thus, I am banned from Facebook.

And so it goes.





New York City Tony Awards style, June 1015
New York City Tony Awards style, June 1015





Actors performing Much Ado About Nothing in the 2014 Illinois Shakespeare Festival
Actors performing Much Ado About Nothing in the 2014 Illinois Shakespeare Festival

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Choices


We make choices everyday.

(Boxers, briefs, or panties? Yogurt or bagel? Bra or bra-less? Regular or decaf?)

Some choices are more important than others and some have long-term ramifications.

(Should I be a doctor, a lawyer or a fire chief? Should I marry her, him or it?)

Sometimes our choices backfire and sometimes our choices are just plain wrong and we suffer the consequences, but we are still free to choose whatever we want.

So why can't we choose our gender?

Despite all the scientific evidence to the contrary, the anti-transgender crowd claims that transgenders choose to be transgender just like the anti-gay crowd claims that gays choose to be gay. And according to those crowds, making those choices is wrong.

I am a feminine man. My speech and mannerisms are a bad fit in boy mode, but in girl mode, I am a perfect fit.

I could man up and never wear a dress again, but I chose not to do male drag. So, yes, I made a choice to live authentically and not fit in with the boys.

But what if I was not transgender?

What if I was a guy with no gender issues, who carefully weighed all the options and decided that living my life as a woman was preferable to living my life as a man. And as a result, I chose to live my life as a woman.

What's wrong with that?

I say, "Absolutely nothing."

It is just another choice. Admittedly, it is an big choice with a lot of long-term ramifications, but humans make important choices everyday. That's why God gave us intelligence and free will ― so that we can make choices  like choosing our gender.






Street style, New York City, April 2015
Street style, New York City, April 2015


Source: Pinterest
Charles Demetri

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Looking in a Gift Horse's Mouth

I mentioned here yesterday that on weekends, I do housework that my ailing spouse is no longer able to do.

In the past, I also mentioned here that my spouse accepts Stana, but like many similar-situated spouses, would be just as happy if Stana never existed.

Out of the blue Saturday, my spouse gifted me a beautiful expensive necklace. It was actually a regift from long forgotten gifter.

When I asked her why she was giving it to me, she responded, "She did not like it and never wore it."
There is a short list of other women she could have gifted and has gifted in the past, so why did she gift me?

I did not pursue it, but I thought about it.

Was it in appreciation for being a weekend housewife?

Was it the Jenner Effect? All the positive publicity from Caitlyn Jenner's transition has caused my spouse to see things (me) differently.

I don't know, but I think it was a step in the right direction and I will cherish her gift and wear it as soon as I can.





Source: ShopBop
Wearing Nicholas







A photo from a recent womanless beauty pageant, note the family resemblance between the two girls on the right. Are they daughter and femulating father or sister and femulating brother?

Monday, June 8, 2015

More Questions

As I mentioned here last month that I participated in Trans*forming the Dialogue, Simmons College’s Online MSW Program’s campaign to promote an educational conversation about the transgender community. By participating, I offered my perspective on what TO ask and what NOT to ask trans*people.

To promote all of the responses the campaign has received so far, they published a list of direct links to each response in their First Voices Roundup

They will continue to add on to the roundup through June as more bloggers, experts, editors in the transcommunity weigh in, so please pass the questions & intro along to your contacts online! They want to hear from everyone!

Mondays, Mondays

Usually, I compose my Femulate posts the day before they are posted. Then I option Blogger to automatically publish the post shortly after midnight local time (while I am getting my beauty rest).

But lately, Monday's are different. Due to my spouse's worsening health, I have had to take on more of our home's housework. I spend most of my weekends in the housewife role doing the laundry, cleaning the house and buying the groceries in addition to the stuff I always did like maintaining the nest, fixing what's broke, cutting the lawn, etcetera, etcetera.

As a result, I have little time and/or I am too tired to compose Monday's post (or even answer emails) during the weekend. So I have been composing my Monday posts early Monday mornings before I start work. Instead of publishing posts around midnight, I publish them as soon as I am done; "Hot off the press," as they used to say, which can be anywhere between 8 and 10 AM Eastern time Monday. 

And so it goes!






Source: ShopBop
Wearing O'2nd






Actor Jeffrey Lico
Actor Jeffrey Licon (left) in a 2009 episode of television's The Closer