Boys Will Be Girls

"Girls will be boys and boys will be girls" is a line from a 1970 song titled "Lola" by The Kinks, which describes a close encounter with a drag queen of the same name.

That line has been taken out of the context of the song and has been tossed about to describe the phenomena of gender role reversal for the past 44 years.

I have been very aware of gender role reversal even longer than that. From nearly five decades of experience, it is my opinion that either there are more gender role reversals today than in the past or the gender role reversals are more public about it today than in the past. I believe that it is a little of the former and a lot of the latter.

In the past, that is, before 1965, gender role reversals were very closeted. Girls being boys and boys being girls were invisible. There were places where the reversals could meet and socialize, but those places were very private and unknown to the majority of the general public.

Personally, I found out about two of those places around 1968 after I had been dressing in the closet for about 5 years perfecting my femulation and itching to explore the world as a woman. Through Darrell Raynor's 1966 book A Year Among the Girls, I found out about a transwoman getaway that I later learned was called "Casa Susana.” Through the 1968 film documentary The Queen, I discovered drag beauty pageants. Both of those places were out of reach for the 17-year-old girl I had become, but it was reassuring to know that those places existed.

Today, it is almost laughable (and kind of sad) to consider the lack of places that were available to gender role reversals in the past. Now we are everywhere --- even on the cover of Time magazine!

Our increased visibility has encouraged other gender role reversals to leave the closet behind and explore the world for themselves. And their new visibility encourages still others to become visible and on and on and on.

So, "the gender role reversals are more public about it today."

Our increased visibility has also encouraged others to try gender role reversal for themselves. Here, I am referring to people who would have been clueless without our increased visibility. They would have gone through life lost in between genders, trying hard to adhere to the definition of their birth gender, but not succeeding  and not knowing where to turn because as far as they knew, there was no place to go.

Thus, "there are more gender role reversals today than in the past."

 

 

 

Wearing Harley Viera Newton.

 

 

 

Orloff, an early 20th Century professional femulator

I want one of these!

Heck, at only $4.98, I’ll take one in each color!

 

 

 

Wearing Christian Dior.

 

 

 

Actor Sam Littlefield femulating in a 2002 episode of television’s V.I.P.

At the Grocery Store

Saturday, I am the little househusband and among other things, I do the grocery shopping for the following week. I buy what I can at Aldi, then go to Price Chopper to pick up the things that Aldi did not have.

Most of the people I encounter in the two stores are in grocery shopping drag… very casual to very grubby. However, while I was in Price Chopper, I encountered a pretty young woman wearing what I thought was a navy blue dress covered with white polka dots, a dress not very different from the navy blue polka dot dress I wore on a few occasions this spring. She also wore cute navy blue flats and little or no makeup. Her short bob was a deep auburn.

The woman was shopping with an older woman, who I assumed was her mother, who unlike her daughter, was in grocery shopping drag like the rest of us. The “mother” was taking her time going up and down the aisles while the “daughter” scurried around the store picking up items and depositing them in her mother’s shopping cart.

As it turned out, I kept bumping into the daughter in various parts of the store as she scurried about. It was actually a little amusing that we kept bumping into each other and during one of our bumps, she smiled at me in recognition of the ridiculousness of the chance encounters.

Anyways, all these numerous encounters revealed a few things.

Her navy blue dress was not festooned with white polka dots. Rather, it was covered with little white crosses — a navy blue cross dress!

As I wrote above, she wore little or no makeup and on closer inspection, she had very thick almost bushy eyebrows, which brought my trans radar to attention and she struck me as being a pretty boy dressed as a girl.

My last encounter was as I passed her depositing yet another item in her mother’s shopping cart. I actually heard her speak to her mother ...in a distinctly male voice!

Wow! It made me very happy to see her out and about and with a supportive parent to boot! Very, very cool.

Wearing Daily Look.

Actor Brian Charles Rooney femulating on stage in Bedbugs!!! (2012).

and Dad lent me the purse

 

 

 

Wearing Tom Ford (sandals), JAR (earrings), Jil Sander (top)
and Amarcord Vintage-Fashion (pants).

 

 

 

Actors femulating on stage in Pageant: The Musical in New York City, 2014.

Got Support?

Jan Brown passed along a valuable online tool for folks seeking GLBT support and resources: GLBT Near Me. Enter your ZIP Code and how many miles you are willing to travel from your ZIP Code to get support. Then select a category, for example, "Transgender, and click on the Search button. In response, the web tool returns a list of resources that fit the parameters you entered. Very cool and very useful!

 

 

 

Wearing Daily Look.

 

 

 

Recent womanless beauty pageant contestant.

Beatlemania

I loved The Beach Boys' music first, then I fell in love with The Beatles' music. I have been a Beatlemaniac ever since.

During the height of Beatlemania, I acted indifferently towards The Fab Four. My indifference was part of my disguise.

I worried that if I showed any interest in The Beatles, people would perceive that as a girly thing. Next thing you know, they would put two and two together and figure out that if I was doing girly things, then I must be girly. The fact that I had feminine speech and mannerisms would just confirm their conclusion.

In my late teens, I abandoned my disguise (because it was not working) and was completely open about my Beatlemania. I bought all their LPs, 45s, EPs, tapes, CDs, DVDs and as many bootlegs as I could find. When I visited the UK in the mid-1980s, I found Abbey Road and had my photo taken crossing the famous crosswalk. And on and on and on.

Anyway, I finally saw The Beatles in person on Saturday night! Well, more like one-quarter of The Beatles or one-half of the surviving Beatles.

Ringo Starr performed at a local concert hall and I had almost a front row seat to see the show. I had a wonderful time and enjoyed the show immensely.

Two things stuck out in my mind about the show.

• Ringo is petite. He is short and amazingly thin. When he came out on the stage, I thought that he looked more like a college kid than a 72-year-old.
• Although most of the audience were my peers, there were a lot of younger people in the crowd who seemed to be big fans. For example, in the row in front of me there were three girls in their late teens or early 20s who twisted and shouted throughout the show and knew all the words to all the songs --- not just the words of The Beatles' tunes that Ringo sang, but his solo hits and non-hits as well!

So, goo goo g'joob.

 

 

 

Wearing Brahmin.

 

 

 

 

Femulate reader Fiona femulating at Royal Ascot.

DMV Neanderthals

This beautiful teenager was hassled by the South Carolina DMV after passing the driver's license test and waiting to be photographed for the license. Chase Culpepper, who wears makeup and androgynous or girls’ clothing on a regular basis, was told to remove the makeup and “look more like a boy" for the photo.

According to a DMV spokesperson, the DMV works with law enforcement on these decisions. "If it says male [on the license], that's what they're gonna look for. They expect the photo to be of a man."

I guess it's time to introduce those folks to the 21st Century!

Meanwhile, Transgender Legal Defense & Education Fund (TLDEF) is on the case.

 

 

 

Wearing Shoshanna.

 

 

 

Barney Rubble and Fred Flintstone, before and after.
Note that they are wearing dresses before and after!

Signs

In response to my clip-on earrings post on Monday, Robin wrote urging me to get my ears pierced. She mentioned that if the pain of getting my ears pieced was the issue, I had nothing to fear but ear fear itself, because the pain "was nothing."

I replied that I usually get my teeth fixed without Novocain or whatever they use these days, so pain is not an issue.. Rather, my spouse is the issue.

She is not thrilled with the fact that her husband is a woman, but she realizes that I must let my girl out for air once in awhile. I appreciate that she is OK with me being the authentic me some of the time, but I don't want to rub her nose in it.

Everyday, she sees signs that remind her that her husband is a woman.

We share a walk-in closet and as she enters it, she encounters a rack now half full of her husband's dresses, skirts, blouses, and slacks. On the floor below those pretty things are countless boxes containing her husband's high heels. Next to the shoes are storage totes containing her husband's lingerie and hosiery. Next to the totes is her husband's cosmetics box. Still other totes contain her husband's jewelry and purses. And on the shelf above her tops and jeans is a tote containing her husband's coiffures.

If I dress as a woman when my spouse is home, I avoid my spouse so that she does not see her husband as a woman because she has often said, "I don't want to see you dressed as a woman." (On occasion, curiosity gets the best of her and she wants to see how I look, but I don't show her unless she is interested.)

My body has signs that may remind her that I am a woman. My hairless arms, legs, breasts, shoulders and back are the most obvious signs.

Less obvious are my neatly maintained eyebrows (eyeglasses hide how neat and feminine they actually look).

She never mentions the stuff in our closet, nor my shaved body, nor my feminized eyebrows --- out of sight, out of mind.

But if I had my ears pierced, there would be no way to hide that from her. It would be a constant reminder that I am a woman, so I let it be.

 

 

 

Wearing Light in the Box.

 

 

 

Femulating British sailor, circa 1910

I’m All Ears

As an Avon lady for over 18 years, I have seen a lot of Avon jewelry come my way. And whenever that jewelry includes clip-on earrings, I almost always make a purchase because my Avon lady discount makes the price just right.

I do the same thing when I am out shopping en femme. Clip-on earrings are such a rarity that I often buy what I find.

As a result, I have bought a lot of earrings that I never wear. Instead, I wear the same favorite clip-ons over and over again. So it makes sense to stop buying earrings I don't wear and buy earrings like those I prefer to wear, that is, vintage-style clip-on earrings.

Try finding vintage-style clip-on earrings. Antique stores have them, but they are expensive. I bought two pairs at a Provincetown antique store last time I attended Fantasia Fair and the price was right because it was the dead end of the season. The price is not right most of the rest of the time.

Then it occurred to me to try shopping where I have found many bargains in the past: eBay.

A quick search on eBay turned up a truckload of clip-on earrings including the kind I like. I placed some bids and succeeded seven times for a total cost of $16.95. Two pairs of earrings were $6 each, while the remaining five pairs were 99 cents each. Shipping was free on the $6 pairs and only $2.01 for the remaining five pairs, which were one bundle from one seller.

The accompanying photo show the seven pairs I won on eBay. The $6 pairs are the dangly gold strands (lower right) and the gold squares (bottom), which actually have faux mother of pearl, not gold centers.

 

 

 

Wearing Robert Rodriguez.

 

 

 

Actor Julian Eltinge femulating in the 1917 film Countess Charming.

June 15, 2014

One Person's Journey to Womanhood – Part 22

By Monica M

In October 2013, my wife and I went to Boston. I went on the one-day course that Ginger held just outside Boston. There were only three of us taking the course. Ginger knew that I was transgender and it was not a problem; I was far from the first transgender client that she had.

We had her full and undivided attention for the whole day. I tried on lots of outfits and was given feedback by Ginger and the others. It was such a valuable and wonderful experience. The course was held in a really nice country inn in Tyngsboro.

I had had spent a day with Ginger earlier in the week getting my colors and Fashion Fit Formula done. She also took me on a shopping outing and organized a bra fitting, a facial, and a tutorial on wig care. Ginger is an amazing resource to have in your life.

My BFF and evolutionary sister extraordinaire, BethAnn also lives in Boston, so we got to spend time with her and her husband. She and I even organized to have a MAC makeover at the same time, followed by lunch. How girly is that!

BethAnn and I in Boston before we rented a car and head off to see Ginger.

In April 2014, I set off for Denver (having done the obligatory confidence build-up in San Francisco) to do Teacher Training 2 for the second time.

I notice now that after all the work I have done on myself and the techniques that I have practiced, nothing scares me any more... not being read, not going into the ladies' room in public places. I am even happy to get in the line at the ladies' room now. This is something I would not even have dreamed about 18 months ago.

Teacher Training 2 was very good. It had about ten women taking the course and as usual with AFP ladies, they treated me wonderfully. Unfortunately, BethAnn could not make the course, but my dear, dear friend Amrita was there. She brings so much joy to my heart. She is such a wonderful person. Truly, she has the heart of a Buddha! We hung around together a lot and really enjoyed each other’s company.

This is a picture of her having a margarita (well it was my margarita!) on the night that the course finished. We had gone to a local Mexican restaurant. Amrita had also joined me at dinner with Kathe Perez earlier in the week and the two got on very well. It was so sweet completing the circles in some way! Amrita is very keen for me to go to Japan to meet her AFP group and to work with Japanese transgenders.

At this Teacher Training, I learned to practice a new technique: opening the heart. The idea is to open your heart and let your innate femininity shine out. This technique should really help me pass more effectively as people will respond (if only unconsciously) to my feminine essence and not be distracted by the male signals, large hands, etc. It will be an interesting experiment, if nothing else!

So this is the end of my tale. I am accepted by my AFP friends as being one of them. I have wonderful girlfriends, who I know I can rely on for support. I have a weekly heart circle call with about five or six close female friends, who treat me like any other woman. By my definition, I have succeeded in my journey. I really love being a woman, for me it is a whole other and joyful world.

Having been the first TG into AFP and FP, I look forward to knowing who the first transgender is to take Mama Gina's Course and how it went.

I have tried to show here one of the many ways of becoming the woman you desire, there are plenty of ways of achieving the dream. Suicide should not even be considered an option. There are lots of people out there who are happy to befriend you and relate to you as a woman and that brings a lot of joy to life.

My final message: say “no” to suicide. There is a path that is waiting for you; it is probably just around the corner. Wait for it!

In closing, I would like to thank the many who have helped me on my journey.

My wife for supporting and loving me and always believing in me and negotiating a settlement where she can keep her man and I can stop being a man!

Stana for giving me the space to pontificate here.

Rachael Jane for helping me change my operating system.

Ginger for kindling a new perspective on clothes.

BethAnn, Amrita and Mei for being so kind to me and supporting me in my attempts to really be myself.

Kathe for my voice!

Don for showing me the woman inside me.

Alex, Laurie, Sally, Ella, Cynthia, Virginia, Elena, Su, Marlese, Anna, Maria, Bella, Elisa, and all the other women, too numerous to mention from AFP an FP, who have gone out of their way to help me become the woman of my dreams.

And to finish, a photo from Don of how I now see myself.

Thank you all.

Over and out!

And finally, a word from our sponsor! :)

(Part 21 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)

 

 

 

Wearing St. John Collection.

 

 

 

Andrej Pejić