One Person's Journey to Womanhood – Part 15

By Monica M

This is a short follow-up story to my embarrassing lobby walk incident. Almost one year to the day, I ended up in San Francisco again. By now, I had been through Esprit and Southern Comfort in Atlanta. While I was nowhere as confident as I am now, I was pretty gutsy.

I had never forgotten the lobby bellboy incident and it sometimes came back to haunt my dreams. I decided the best way to beat the ghost was to track it down to its lair.

Off I went en femme to the same hotel. What would you know? The same bellboy was on duty that day. I walked up to him, handed my camera to him and asked him to take a photo in the lobby.

I don't know what he thought, but he did not say anything apart from “Sure, Ma’am. Just here?”

And, here it is one year later! I don't think I pass particularly well in this photo, but it seemed to work. After he had taken the photo, I went to the ladies' restroom (you can see its door over my left shoulder). It was the first time I had ever been to a ladies' room in public. I looked upon it as my revenge for the embarrassment. It put the ghost to rest!

(Part 14 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)

 

 

 

Wearing ViX.

 

 

 

Model Rickard Engfors.

Got to hand it to you

I have woman's hands.

My fingers are long and thin. My knuckles are not big or misshapen from manly manual labor.

Moreover, my index fingers are longer than my ring fingers.

In most women, the index and ring finger are roughly equal in length or the index finger is just a bit longer. But in most men, the ring finger is longer. That's a result of fetal exposure to testosterone (or lack thereof).

In 2006, the Max Planck Institute of Psychiatry in Munich performed a study comparing the index and ring fingers of 63 male-to-female transsexuals with 65 female and 58 male control subjects. The study found that the index and ring fingers of male-to-female transsexuals were more likely to match the control females than the control males.

In other words, in male-to-female transsexuals as in cisgender women, the index and ring finger are roughly equal in length or the index finger is just a bit longer.

We were born that way.

 

 

 

Wearing Donna Karen.

 

 

 

Actor Peter Barton femulating with big hair on television’s Sunset Beach in 1998.

One Person's Journey to Womanhood – Part 14

By Monica M

The third of the software skills is presentation and I shall cover my ideas and experience of this in two postings: one on makeup and one on dress.

My feelings, overall, are that you need to minimize as much as possible the areas where one differs from genetic woman otherwise, why try to pass at all?

There are enough areas where we differ and nothing (not even radical surgery) can change: for example, square jaw, big hands, big feet, etc. The more areas where you deviate from the female norm, the quicker you get read. You never get read for just one thing; in my experience, it is a combination of signs that give you away.

Before even thinking about makeup, one needs to get one's skin properly in condition. Everybody has their own ideas on this and Stana has often told us of various products from the Avon range that she believes in. My personal preference is Demalogica as that is the first one I came across when I had my first dermabrasion.

Following on from one of Stana's posts on the benefits of dermabrasion, I was determined to get such a treatment done when I was next away from home. The place I chose was also an agent for Dermalogica. My technician did a skin analysis on me and recommended a Dermalogica regime for my skin. I told her I was transgender and she did not even smile. It was no big deal.

I followed her suggestions religiously and gradually, over about a year, my skin quality really changed. It did become more soft and with less big pores and less wrinkles. It really does make me look 10 year younger relative to my male peer group.

Now, whenever I go to San Francisco and am spending some serious time en femme, I go and have my eyebrows plucked and my face dermabraded. I have a wonderful technician in Maria Mameesh who works at Sanctuary Spa at the Bay Club, she knows I am transgender. If you go, see her and be sure to say “Hi” from me.

Makeup is one of those areas where you can easily get into a routine and often it is hard to see that your routine is not suiting you. I am sure that Stana will have lots to say on this whole topic and would love to hear her comments.

Except from the makeovers in 2005, from which I learned almost nothing, I have watched makeup lessons at Esprit and at Southern Comfort. I have followed the suggestions in Art and Illusion and I have had two different professional makeovers.

I have learned a lot from the professionals but, in truth, I have learned more from MAC makeovers that I have had. I had a wonderful one in Boston in October. I booked it just before lunch, my BFF BA (non-transgender) booked one for the same time slot and we really enjoyed ourselves.

The fact that I was transgender did not bother the MAC person in the slightest. When I sat in the chair, she handed me some wipes and told me to take off all my makeup. Gulp! In the middle of the shop! A few years ago I would have died at the suggestion (take off my beard cover!), but now, tra-la-la.

She did a wonderful job on me and even BA, who is skilled in this area, agreed. She really brought out the female in me. I nearly cried when I saw the result. It took me back to my original Padora dePledge makeover.

I intend, now, to get a MAC makeover every year or so. You learn so much each time. For the MAC makeover, you do need to pay or to agree to purchase a set amount of product. I doubt that MAC is any better than the others but I feel better there. Stana, as I have said, would be a much better guide than me in this area.

I thought I would finish by giving you my morning and nightly facial routine, which really works for me. Maybe others might like to share their routines below in the Comment section.

At night I use the precleanse with a special sponge cloth to remove all my makeup. I then use the special cleansing gel and the daily microfoliant on my Clarisonic brush. Then I apply the micro-needle roller all over my face and forehead. Next I apply the daily resurfacer and the multi-vitamin power serum and follow that with the super-rich repair and the age reversal eye complex. I know that seems a lot. And probably I am over doing it, but the results please me.

In the morning, I use the Clarsionic again with the special cleansing gel and then follow up with the Nu-face machine. Then I apply a moisturizer from Whole Foods that I like. The Clarisonic and Nu-face have brought my skin to an even higher level and I cannot recommend them too highly.

Next time, I will discuss dress.

(Part 13 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)

 

 

 

Wearing Lapina.

 

 

 

Sha Na Na femulates as chorus girls in a 1978 episode of their television show.

One Person's Journey to Womanhood – Part 13

By Monica M

I said earlier that I started taking the whole presenting as a woman seriously in middle to late 2009 as I prepared for Esprit. For anybody who despairs about learning to apply makeup or to dress and present acceptably as a woman, here are my photos from my first experiment of making myself up (as opposed to being done professionally!). I look back and despair; I actually thought that I was doing OK and this was only five years ago! Truly, the journey never ends.

These were taken within a month of each other. Learning points: bushy eyebrows, unplucked and uncolored eyebrows, male glasses, rough skin, no contouring, no beard cover to mention, messy lipstick, nylon wig.

I am living proof that you can start from nowhere and present much better than this!

As I have said, the idea when we got to San Francisco was to go en femme to Hansen Fontana to buy a real hair wig. My wife did not want to go down to the lobby with me, so I went down myself and was to wait for her at the corner of the next block. (I cannot believe now how uncomfortable we all felt. It was as if we were peddling drugs or porn or something.)

So, here I am in this photo, all innocent and untainted and ready for my very first day in the world as Monica (I have made this day my “Monica birthday”). There is no look on my face of the horror and embarrassment that is going to befall me in ten minutes! Learning points: poor makeup, wig not long enough, scarf highlighting the square jaw, purse too small, sunglasses on indoors, dress too drab for the hotel.

So I stand facing the door with my hand on the handle taking deep breaths to steady my nerves. My wife kisses me goodbye and wishes me the best. I feel like I am going over the top and into battle in the First World War. I am right!

I peep through the peephole and the coast is clear. I open the door and walk to the elevator as femininely as I can, which means shaking my ass in some peculiar way (what was I thinking?!?) (Note that this is before any movement training, etc.)

I wait, holding my breath and praying, hoping that the elevator is empty. It is. I press lobby and down I go.

I am in such a rush to get through the lobby and out into the street that I almost bowl over one of the hotel managers as I speedily make my way from the elevator lobby to the main lobby. He looks at me in an odd manner and I am conscious of him looking at me. I hope it is just because I am in a hurry and nearly floor him. I am wrong!

As I enter the main lobby, the bellboy is walking towards me. He is tall, athletic and probably 25. As soon as he sees me, he turns on his heel and walks back to the other young guys at the bellhop station all the time pointing back at me through his body. He thinks I cannot see him pointing at me and smirking, but while I can only see his back from where I am, his profile is reflected in the mirrors behind the main desk and I can see everything.

By this time, my heart is beating faster than hummingbird’s wings. Help! What do I do? I continue to walk to the front door, where he has now placed himself and opens it with a theatrical sweep and smirking says, “This way, Madam”.

By now, I know that I am not passing even at the beginners’ level. I opt to bluff it out. I could not think of another strategy!

“Thank you, my good man,” I say and I politely bow to him as I exit the front door.

So, I am on the street and in the crowed. The thought that I have to run that gauntlet in reverse almost unnerves me. I go to the appointed corner and wait for my wife. She appears in a few minutes. We exchange stories and head off. She does not want to walk with me; so, she stays a few paces behind. We have about three blocks to walk.

We enter Bryant Street where Hansen Fontana is located and it must have been my lucky day! The street is being dug up and there are lots of guys with hard hats and shovels hanging around and digging, etc. My heart sinks for the second time except now it sinks even lower because I know I don't pass at all!

I say, “God, if you want to take me, this would be a really good time!”

She ignores my prayer and I live on to walk through the second gauntlet. I am expecting cat calls and whistles. Nothing happens: I had forgotten, this is San Francisco… nobody cares; they have seen it all before.

We get to Hansens and choose a wig. Victoria cuts the wig to the style that best suits me (Victoria is great; she does all my wigs now). I put it on and head the long way back to the hotel practicing my mincing feminine walk, my wife a few paces behind pretending that she is not with me and surveying those who see me to see how well I am passing; much better than with the nylon wig is her conclusion.

I get back to the hotel. The same bellboy is there as I push through the revolving doors. He does a double-take. He is not smirking and this time, he is really unsure if I am a guy in a dress or not. I breeze past, into the elevator, go to my room and take this shot.

One of the most embarrassing and nerve-racking days of my life is nearly over! I get my makeup off, get into my guy clothes and head down to the street where my wife is waiting in a coffee shop. The bellboy ignores me. I live to fight another day.

(Part 12 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)

 

 

 

Wearing Torn by Ronny Kobo.

 

 

 

A femulator strikes a pose in the early 1960s.

One Person's Journey to Womanhood – Part 12

By Monica M

Movement is the second of the four software skills after voice. As I have mentioned, Denae Doyle's DVDs were (in their day) the top of the range as far as movement was concerned. You would not believe how complicated and interconnected a genetic woman's movement pattern is (well, you would, because like me you have studied the movements of women all your life, but studying and replicating are very different). It is a form dancing really.

Denae takes you through very useful exercises which you would not ordinarily think about. For example, how you get in and out of a car while you are wearing a skirt. Putting on and taking off your coat. How to carry a purse correctly. How to put on or take off a shawl. How to sit down and stand up from the chair in a restaurant. Opening and closing a door. She covers these and many more situations in her DVDs.

However, you really need to prepare your body to be able to carry out these movements. Men's bodies tend to be stiff and linear. Women tend to be flowy and curved.

To get your body to naturally move more like a woman, you need two practices (in my opinion). First you need to be in touch with your body and this comes from practices like those in the Art of Feminine Presence (more later). Then you need to move your body in a fluid or dance-like way and this is where dancing (waltz, tango, etc.) and soft martial arts like Tai Chi really help.

Great exercises, which really help your muscles to start acting in a feminine way can be found on Lucille Sorella's website. I practice these and do Tai Chi most days. Women tend to cross the center line of the body with their arms and legs much more so than men. You need to get your muscles used to this and to moving in a much slower way. Danae says that you should move your arms as if you are under water, that is, the correct speed and manner.

In my opinion, it is important to get into the correct mind set as regards the movements of your body when en femme (and again the Art of Feminine Presence greatly helps here). If you do not, then you are going to feel stupid as you move and walk like a woman. If you feel stupid, your confidence will leak away and you will get read very quickly and feel miserable. Denae has a phrase, “as soon as the wig goes on, you act, think and move like a woman.” My version of that “go female or go home!”

The most difficult practices, I have found, are eating and drinking like a woman. It seems to be particularly hard to break these habits.

Woman put less food on the fork and they put the fork down to rest much more than men. They don't bend down to the food or to the menu when they are reading it.

And, my personal bug bear, what to do with my hair when I am eating. Some part of it usually ends up in my food. It won't tuck behind my ears neatly and it looks kind of weird holding it out of your food with one hand, especially when your hands are as big as mine. Maybe I need to find some kind of hair slide or clip that I use only when eating.

If I do use something to hold up my hair, I will need to practice exhaustively for it to become second nature. Nothing feels more artificial than when you do something with your hair or with your clothes that you have only practiced a few times and then you compare how a genetic woman who has repeatedly done this action for years.

(Part 11 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)

 

 

 

Wearing Anne Klein.

 

 

 

Officer Dibble femulates in a 1961 episode of Top Cat.

Revisiting Dayton

Two weeks ago, I was living full-time as a woman while attending the Hamvention in Dayton, Ohio. Here are a couple of thoughts about that experience that I did not mention in the Dayton diary that I posted here last week.

One Booth Babe to Another

Across the aisle from our booth at the Hamvention was a big booth that took up eight booth spaces in a 4 by 4 rectangular configuration. Stationed at opposite corners of that group of booths were two attractive 20-something women. Both wore very nice dresses and high heels (just like me) and all weekend long, they handed out stickers to people passing by and we exchanged smiles whenever we caught each other’s eyes.

The stickers were those white oval stickers that you see on the bumpers and rear windows of vehicles. Typically, they display an abbreviation for the location that the driver of the vehicle has visited, for example, "MV" for Martha's Vineyard or "PL" for Poland. But in this case, the stickers had "73" printed on them. (73 is ham radio lingo for "best regards" and is used instead of "good-bye" at the end of a contact between ham radio stations.)

The woman stationed closest to our booth wore a killer pair of high heels that I could picture in my shoe collection, but around 3 PM on Friday, I noticed that she switched to a lower heel, which she stuck with the rest of the weekend.

Saturday morning, while foot traffic was light, I went over to ask her for a sticker, which is now on the rear window of my Subaru. She gladly gave me a sticker.

I thanked her and then I mentioned that I loved the heels she had worn on Friday. She thanked me for complimenting her shoes and then we had a short chat about the perils of wearing heels while staffing a booth for 8 hours a day.

She had to get back to work handing out stickers, so we cut it short, but the girl talk was affirming nonetheless.

Trapped

My carpool buddy at Hamvention witnessed me carry a pair of flats around all weekend and when I drove, he patiently waited while I switched from heels to flats... not only this year, but in past years when we car-pooled at Hamvention. (What a gentleman!)

He has also witnessed me struggle with other aspects of being a woman like a few years ago when I "lost" the keys to my car. (After a panicky 15 minutes, I found the keys hiding inside my purse.)

When we left the picnic Saturday evening, I had a difficult time retrieving my car keys from that same purse because the lining of the purse was caught in the zipper. With my long nails, I struggled for a few minutes trying to undo the zipper, while my buddy stood by waiting patiently.

I was relieved when I finally opened the zipper and was able to retrieve my keys.
With that, my buddy commented, "I'm not sure that dealing with all the trappings of being a woman is worth it."

"You have a good point," I replied.

On the drive home, I thought about my friend’s comment and all the things involved trying to be a presentable woman... not just the trappings of being a woman, but all that stuff both physically and mentally that my guy self has to go through to present as a woman.

Considering everything, I must be crazy to go through it all. But yes, it is all worth it because I am crazy about being a woman.

 

 

 

Sophia Loren, London, 1957.

 

 

 

A beautiful female impersonator photographed in the early 20th Century.

Home Ec for Boys

Today New Republic posted an article that recommends teaching home economics to boys!

When I think back 50 years to my days in grade school, I was not very good in shop (or "Manual Training" as it was called in my school). However, I probably would have excelled at Home Economics, but back then, taking Home Ec was not an option for boys... even girly boys like me.

Too bad. I would have made someone an excellent wife.

One Person's Journey to Womanhood – Part 11

By Monica M

I had seen somewhere on the Web that there were transgender conventions and I managed to persuade my wife to go along with me. The “traditional” one (so they say) for newly-emerging transgenders is Esprit, which happens in Port Angeles, Washington State in May each year.

We decided that we would aim for 2010 Esprit. The convention is very couple-friendly and has special couples’s sessions. These were run by the wonderful Dotti Berry. My wife agreed to come on the basis that we make a holiday out of it and that if she did not gel with the other partners, she could just do her own thing. For convenience sake and for shopping sake, we decided to go to San Francisco and drive up to Espirit over a number of days.

I knew it was time to get serious about presenting as a woman. I ordered and devoured Art and Illusion by JoAnn Roberts. This gave me the basics of makeup, dress and movement. I ordered the voice CDs from Kathe Perez about six months before and practiced daily. I ordered the movement DVDs from Denae Doyle and practiced her moves.

My first makeup was anything discarded or unwanted from my wife. But I quickly realized that they were not doing the job and so I moved to Kryolan, the theatrical makeup and used that for the next couple of years. That helped a lot to hide the blemishes, but the problem really was a lack of good skin care. Then, I discovered Dermologica and it radically changed the quality of my skin. So much so that now I looked overly made up in the Kyrolan and gradually switched to MAC (but that was some time in the future!).

I learned from Denae that if you are serious about passing, you need a real hair wig and not a nylon one. She recommended Hansen Fontana in San Francisco. Our plan was to stay in a hotel in downtown San Francisco close to Hansen Fontana and for me to go there in drag with my wife to choose a wig. The next day, we would drive to Santa Cruz to meet up with Denae and I would spend a day being coached in Denae in movement. Following that, we would start the drive to Seattle. It was like a military mission. And all this time, my wife was with me and never complained; bless her, in fact multi Bless her!

I realized that most women dress to stand out but, really as a transgender, I thought it would be better to dress to blend in (I have since changed my view!). So, when I chose clothes from catalogs (I still had never shopped in person), I chose dull fall colors and styles. I had had my colors done about 15 years before, so I knew what was in my palette... or so I thought!

So, suited up, choreographed and tuned up, we packed the car and headed for Seattle and places further afield. In those days, I dare not drive as Monica in case I got stopped by the cops for any reason or in case I had to use the bathroom. How things have changed now!

But, there are a couple of stories and photos before we leave San Francisco.

(Part 10 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)

 

 

 

Wearing Madeleine.

 

 

 

Elliott Alexzander, fashion blogger.

Looking Ahead

The first draft of the Fantasia Fair daily schedule is now up and running on the Internet and includes the Femulate Blog Party, which is all set for Tuesday afternoon.

The party is "A gathering of readers, followers and interested parties of the Femulate blog (femulate.org) for the purpose of meeting all the femulators in person and to discuss the fine art of femulating, i.e., emulating a female (among the general public)."

I will be there (I better be there!) and I hope to see you there, too!

And if you want a look ahead to get a glimpse of where this may all be going, look to our youth and specifically, look at the House of Alexzander, which is "Not your average fashion blog. Constructed by Elliott Alexzander as a collective source for his own personal style, House Of Alexzander quickly became an inspirational power house for the gender variant community."

I will make no attempt to pigeon-hole Elliott, but I believe he is a kindred spirit and representative of the younger generation which is not constrained by the definitions of "gender" that was affixed to my generation and those that preceded mine.

Read Elliott's blog and I am sure you will be intrigued, impressed and wish that you were a youngster today and able to freely express your gender.

 

 

 

Andrej Pejic, model.

 

 

 

Wearing Gucci (dress, coat, boots), Dior (watch), Balenciaga (bracelet),
Rimowa Case and Globe Trotter (luggage).

Monica's Back!

One Person's Journey to Womanhood – Part 10

By Monica M 

I have said that, from an engineering perspective, we can break down the femulate problem into five components (how male is that!): one hardware and four software. Not having had any changes to my hardware (or hormones other than the, thankfully, a depletion of testosterone), I don't really feel qualified to deal with the hardware issue. However, from observation and experience I feel that “the vag is not the badge.” There are more fruitful avenues of approach to presenting as (and feeling oneself to be) a woman – namely, the software approach.

To my mind, the cake is the software and the icing is the hardware.

The software components are 1) voice, 2) deportment, 3) presentation, and 4) operating system. It is my intention to devote a blog post to each of these over the next couple of days so that I can share my experience and, hopefully, help others. Today I will start with voice.

Voice is probably the most important thing in passing. No, really, it is so important. Your voice will out you very quickly if it has a male quality to it no matter how good you look. On the other side of the coin, I have a theory that if The Terminator spoke with a believable female voice, at least 20% of the people would accept him as a female in disguise. To train the voice takes so much time and effort that people assume you really must be a female if you have a good female voice.

I started working on my voice in 2009 about six months before I went to Esprit. I am still working on my voice. I practice about 20 minutes most days to keep it in shape. I am still not happy with it. It takes a long time to get the voice you want – do not get discouraged – but when you get that voice, a whole new level of confidence opens up for you.

In my opinion, the queen of feminine voice training is Kathe Perez. She is a great teacher and a lovely all-around person. I had dinner with her twice last month, when I was in Denver. There are some photos of that event taken by my good friend A. But the photo of me is so unflattering (so male looking!) that I am not inclined to publish it.

Kathe produces CDs and does on-line training of your voice to produce a feminine sound and cadence. I have found her practices and advice extremely valuable. She is currently working on an app for mobile phones, which will accelerate the learning process. Spend some time with Kathe, you will not regret it.

Here is the link to her website. If you connect with her, tell her that Monica sent you! :)

In the meantime, every time you hear a woman talking on the TV or radio, quietly repeat what she is saying so that you get used to the melodic flow of the female voice.

Next up, deportment and movement.

(Part 9 of One Person’s Journey to Womanhood appeared here.)

Actor Brian Charles femulating on stage in Pop! (2010).

Wearing Boston Proper.

She says, “She” says

 

 

 

Actors femulating on stage in Casa Valentina. 2014.

 

 

 

Wearing Erin Fetherston.