AKA Miss Kent

A Reminder

The photo accompanying this post was taken in the lobby of my workplace when I went to work en femme this past Halloween. If you were reading this blog back then, I used the photo in my blog post about that day at work. In my opinion, it was my best photo that day.

Since I usually do not go to work en femme, I wanted a reminder of when I do, so I made a 5 x 7 print of the photo, mounted it in a wooden frame and it now sits on my desk in my cubicle at work.

It is wonderful to start the day at work seeing yourself the way you were meant to be. It also inspires me whenever I feel down and need a little kick in the derriere.

No one had said a word about the photo. I did notice a few people checking out the photo, especially a couple of guys who missed my Halloween appearance, but no one has asked, "Who's that?" or "Is that you?" I assume they already know it's me.

I wonder if anyone would say anything if I changed the photo to one of me en femme not taken last Halloween?

Happy Birthday, Jane Asher

Luiss San-Murguia, male model.

 

Wearing Spiegel.

Thor’s Day

Comedian Jimmy Fallon femulating Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann, 2012.

 

Actress Emmy Rossum wearing Temperley London (dress) and Rupert Sanderson (heels).

A Working Woman

My thoughts about going to work en femme on a regular basis generated a lot of comments and e-mails including the following from my friend Rhonda, who does go to work en femme on a regular basis.

Hi Stana,

I very much appreciate you dilemma. Our need for self-expression and fulfillment does present quite a challenge especially when positive reinforcement seems to follow us everywhere.

I have always viewed my extra-gender activity as visits into the land of femininity. I guess it started very young viewing travel brochures (catalogues), progressed to quick visits and now I see myself as having a full travel visa. I visit at will and enjoy every blessed moment.

Would I ever want to live full time in the land of femininity? The thought has crossed my mind as extended visits have occurred and with the fact that I actually work full time there. Yes, dreams sometime come true. As with any extended trip, I am usually happy to have the option to return home. There I have family, friends, and obligations. Like you, I have made promises to others and myself.

Gender discovery and the progression as I see it, does not have to be a “either/or.” Why not both? We already know that our internal operating systems (masculine/feminine) are much more flexible than most, so why limit ourselves.

Eery morning I get dressed, put on my makeup, do my hair and go to work as any other woman would. There I interact in the office in a rather mundane way, do my assigned tasks, and enjoy every moment. There I am only known only as “Rhonda” and as an event coordinator and fundraiser. Much public contact is involved - evening dinners, cocktail receptions and private gatherings to mention just a few.

Do my constituents know? Maybe, but with confidence and a friendly attitude, I make it work. There have been weekend events and travel to business conferences that have made my time in the land of femininity seem to be extended stays but still, I return home. It is nice to have that option.

At the end of the day, I shower and comb the hair back into a masculine look. Some time after, I look into the mirror and see a sad man, but secondary comfort levels return. On weekends when I do not have business commitments, I wash the car, have woodworking and repair projects, and relax with my family unencumbered by my other life. I know that his type of integration might not be for everyone. Some see only fulfillment in being “true to yourself,” but I see reality in also being true to my commitments as well as self.

“If you look this good as a woman, why bother being a man?” Because you still enjoy it. You still have a home and family there. Be both, enjoy both, live both.

As a follow-up to her wonderful e-mail, I had to ask, "How does your family (especially your spouse) feel about you working en femme? How did you negotiate that?" Rhonda kindly replied.

I retired in 2001 after many years of IT consulting, traveling and too much general wear and tear on my body. My wife was already retired and the both of us home all day was just not going to work. To have back her quiet day, my wife was at that point to accept (willingly) anything. I started volunteering as Rhonda and from that came many job offers in the non-profit world.

Volunteering led to part time – part time led to full time and thus, a career in fundraising (8+ years now). I love what I do; I feel like I am giving back and “all dressed up and somewhere to go.”

I cannot overstate how  understanding and open my wife is. I honestly do not see myself retiring again anytime soon. As long as I am viable, enjoy the work and can make a reasonable presentation, I plan on continuing.

Happy Birthday, Jan Berry

Agus Beluchi, male model.

 

Wearing Jones New York.

Catching Up in My Platform Pumps

Combine the holiday weekend with a goal of finishing my income taxes once and for all and everything else suffered including my blog and e-mail correspondence.

My taxes are done and last night I caught up with my e-mail correspondence. However, I believe that one or two e-mails slipped through the cracks and got trashed inadvertently. So if you e-mailed me last week and have not received a reply, please resend your e-mail.

The blog will resume its normally scheduled programming, too.

So let's talk about shoes.

I ordered two pairs from Nine West that showed up at my abode in early January, but I only had an opportunity to wear them in real life recently.

I wore my buff "Flute" peep-toe pumps (all leather upper, 4 1/2" heel and 3/4" platform) all day-long at the True Colors Conference. They were comfortable throughout the day and I only took them off and slipped on flats while driving.

But - and this is a big BUT – my left shoe kept slipping off my foot! I had to grip my toes when I walked so I did not lose the shoe.

After that experience, I invested in a pair of heel gripper inserts. I have not worn the Flutes since, so the jury is still out on how well the gripper works, but I hope they work because I love my Flutes.

The other pair I bought, the black patent "Love Fury" (pointy-toe platform pump with all leather upper, 4 1/2" heel and 3/4" platform) worried me because of their pointy-toe design. I prefer rounded-toe designs because they usually are more comfortable than pointy-toe, but this girl needed a new pair of black patent heels (wore out my old pair) and pointy-toes are in again, so Love Fury was my choice.

I decided to break them in while I was home doing my taxes. My tax routine is to wrestle with TurboTax for an hour or so, mumble something obscene under my breath in the direction of the computer, then take a break for a half-hour or so (get coffee, get rid of coffee, etc.). As a result, I am not sitting all day long, but am moving around occasionally.

Turns out my Love Fury pumps are very comfortable and unlike my Flutes, they stayed on my feet. Now I can't wait to wear them out!

Two Tone Tuesday*

Actor James Franco femulating again (2011).

Vintage 1950s fashions.

* In honor of Helen's en|Gender, which just turned 10-years-old.

Don't Be Fooled Again

A Femulate classick!

She's At That Age

She Wants to Look More Mature

If you look this good as a woman, why bother being a man?

During my last Halloween at work en femme, somebody posed the question, "If you look this good as a woman, why bother being a man?"

Five months later, there is still a low-level buzz at work about my Halloween presentation. I understand that some people wonder when I am going to drop the other shoe and present en femme full-time.

Which indicates that some people have concluded that there is more to my Halloween presentation than just Halloween.

My spouse is not on-board with me living full-time as a woman. I will not bore you again with the details, but I will simply state that I have made commitments to my spouse that I plan to honor, which precludes me living full-time as a woman.

Recently, I read about a girl who was in a similar situation as mine. Everyday she left her home in boy mode, dressed en femme at work, spent the day en femme and at the end of the work day, changed back into boy mode and returned home. In her case, it was to hide her girl from her children. Her spouse knew what was going on, but I do not know if she was supportive or not.

That daily routine sounds exhausting, but it is an option.

Maybe I could try it one day a week, see how it goes and build up to doing it five days a week.

It will make my work day longer because dressing and undressing takes time and I would do that on my own time, not company time. But practice makes perfect and over time, I probably can streamline things and cut some time off the processes.

I believe that Human Resources would support me because the head of HR already asked when I was going full-time.

What's holding me back?

Easter dress for boys and men

"Easter dress for boys and men" was the "Subject" of an e-mail I received yesterday. It came from Payless Shoes and it refers to Easter dress shoes for boys and men, not Easter dresses for boys and men. But it gave me pause when I received it and saw its Subject line.

However, some men have been shopping for dresses recently. Not for Easter, but for the Sturgis (SD) Crisis Intervention Shelter Service's Womanless Beauty Pageant. The Meade County Times-Tribune has the whole story and it is the source of the photo (right).

My dress-shopping at Spiegel last week was a big disappointment. I was elated by the super fast delivery, but neither dress I purchased fit - not even close.

Over the years, I have purchased a lot of clothing from Spiegel, but recently their sizes have shrunk. Sizes that used to work for me are now too small and they offer nothing larger (and, no, I have not gained any weight). I guess I can cross Spiegel off my shopping list.

I'd like to buy a new dress (or two) to wear at the Dayton Hamvention in May, so I will keep an eye on the daily offerings from ideeli and I will probably visit DressBarn real soon now.

Happy Birthday, Jimmie Dodd

Femulator surrounded by friends and family, circa 1925.

 

Wearing Yoana Baraschi.

Grandpa’s Femulation

Paula Gaikowski shares another ephemeral femulating memory.

While the My Three Sons episode “Spring Will Be a Little Late,” had a weighty and thoughtful impact on me, there was an episode of The Munsters titled “Lily Munster, Girl Model” that was delightfully cute, but not as serious.

Lily wants to do something with her spare time and she finds a job as a model. Herman gets angry and jealous because he believes that all the men will admire her. Using his magic potions, Grandpa turns into a woman, in order to help Herman make Lily jealous. So Grandpa goes down to the dungeon mixes up a potion and with a puff of smoke, there is a gorgeous blonde standing there. Of course, the actress (Nine Simpson) playing the transformed Grandpa has Grandpa’s voice.

Of course, Lily sees this woman with Herman and becomes insanely jealous, but it gets all sorted out in the end. The best part comes at the very end when Eddie appears coming up from the dungeon, now looking like the cutest 10-year-old girl in the world. A pretty young actress stands there in a frilly party dress with Eddie’s booming voice.

“Serves you right for playing in Grandpa’s dungeon,” admonishes mother Lily.

Eddie in a panic cries, “But what am I going to do Grandpa? I have a baseball game in one hour!”

Grandpa shakes his head and says, “Well, I guess you have to learn to pitch underhand!”

To which I remember thinking, “I would love to learn to pitch under hand!”

Today is Wednesday

Actor Adrian Pasdar femulating in the 1992 British film Just Like A Woman, which in my opinion, is one of the best film depictions of the life of a femulator.

 

Wearing Brahmin.

101 Gal-Emulations

The four beauties above depict some of the girls who participated in the Misfit 2001 beauty pageant at Lumberton (TX) High School. And they represent the hundreds of girls who participated in womanless beauty pageants in high schools across the land that were captured by Miss Starla, the woman who continues to uncover the lovely pageant participants in online high school yearbooks.

I just uploaded the latest batch of images consisting of 101 gal-emulations to flickr. 

To view the latest additions to the collection:

Method 1: Open one of the Yearbooks sets (A through Z) and you will find the newest uploads at the end/bottom of the set. (The oldest uploads appear at the beginning/top of the set.)

Method 2: Open my photostream and you will find the newest uploads at the top of page 1. The uploads get older as the page numbers get higher with the oldest uploads on the last page.

By the way, the contents of the Yearbook A through Z sets are organized according to school name, for example, the photos from Hard Knox High School would be in the Yearbooks H set.

Happy Birthday, Keira Knightly

Eric Voullosky, male model.

 

Wearing Chanel.

Hugging a Stranger

Friday, I attended the True Colors Conference at the campus of my alma mater, the University of Connecticut.

I dressed en femme and thought I looked pretty good for someone who passed the 60-year mile marker two years ago. Usually, I am hypercritical of my presentation and always find something wrong, but Friday I thought I looked as good as I get. (And it always amazes me how much younger I look in girl mode than I do in boy mode!)

I switched to flats to drive to Storrs, parked my car in the parking garage near my old dormitory and kept my flats on to walk to the Student Union.

In past years attending the Conference, I parked in a different garage on the opposite side of the Student Union, so this was the first time since I graduated in 1973 that I walked the walk that I took everyday between my dorm and the classroom buildings. It was nostalgic, but my how things had changed!

Across the street from Memorial Stadium was a huge field, about 12 acres in size that provided a beautiful view of the rolling hills to the east. Most days after classes, my dorm mates and I would play softball or touch football in that field.

Today, that field is occupied by five buildings constructed after I graduated. The view and my old playing field are long gone. I wondered where my old dorm mates have gone and I wondered what they would think if they could see me now.

I entered the Student Union and encountered throngs of GLBT youth, who were enjoying their day. I stopped by the Information table to greet my old friend Robin who was staffing it. A woman, who I did not recognize was also staffing the table, but she recognized me and greeted me like we were old friends.

I played along and said it was great to see her, then I continued on my way to the support group's table which I was scheduled to staff from 10 AM to 2 PM. I was 10 minutes late, but another friend, Kelly was holding down the fort until I arrived.

At the Information table, I encountered Fantasia Fair friend, Liz, who escorted me to the presenter's table where I signed in and received my presentation packet. Then I returned to the support group's table to relieve Kelly, who left to join her parents who were staffing the PFLAG table.

Youths and adults came by the table, but mostly youths who were attracted by our bait - a variety of candy. Since the name of the support group (Connecticut Outreach Society) reveals nothing about the organization, people asked and that gave me a chance to tell them about being trans rather than give them details about the group since it is only open to adults. At one point, I had eight youths surrounding the table listening to me talk about being trans and answering all of their questions on the subject.

The woman behind the curtain at True Colors, Robin McHaelen, stopped by and gave me a big hug (we go back a few years now) and said something to the effect that I looked great. I also received compliments from youths and other adults throughout the day.

Everyone I encountered seemed to accept me, either as a woman or as trans. I was never referred to as a male; it was always “she,” “her,” “Ma’am” or “Miss.”

A number of times, kids and adults came up to the booth and when I began my Transgender 101 spiel, I could see their expression change as they tried to figure me out. It was very interesting.

Karen, another Fantasia Fair friend arrived to staff the table and give me a break. So I took the time to visit the ladies' room. On the way to that room, I passed the Information table and the mystery woman beckoned me to sit down and chat.

It turns out that the mystery woman was Jila, who had given me the works at her spa three years ago. I did not recognize her because I had only seen her that one day in March 2010, but she recognized me, probably because my image was on her spa's website and because she reads this blog.

We caught up on our good times and bad and then I asked her about my voice. I had been using my femme voice from the get-go, but caught myself returning to my boy voice when I stopped concentrating on using my femme voice. 

Jila critiqued my femme voice. Her main complaint was that my voice tended to drop into boy mode as I concluded whatever I was saying. She worked with me on it and suggested that I let myself go especially with regards to gesturing with my hands as I talked.

I practiced with Jila's guidance and in no time, things were clicking and I suddenly felt a wave of femininity flow over me like I never felt before. Wow!

I concentrated on my voice the rest of the day. At times, I fell back into boy mode, but I think I made a lot of progress. Thank you, Jila!

I ran into other friends during the day including Krista, Lee Ann and my life coach, Holly. I chatted with Holly until it was time to get ready for my presentation: "Femulate: The Art of Becoming Womanly."

My presentation was in a conference room in the Women's Center, rather than in a classroom. The room had a lot of comfy chairs as well as folding chairs, so it was a little cozier than classroom. And instead of standing in back of a podium, I was just standing or sitting out in the open, which probably made everything a little more intimate.

A small, but enthusiastic group of about ten showed up and I began. I worked through an updated version of my "top 30 things every crossdressing man needs in his wardrobe to emulate a woman" in about half the session. At the beginning, I told the group to interrupt me at anytime to ask questions and they took me up on my offer.

After my top 30 things, I took more questions related to the top 30 or anything else anyone wanted to ask. I gave long rambling answers that entertained (I got a few laughs) and informed (at least that is what the oral and written comments indicated).

Some of the questions I recall were:

Do you ever dress in men's clothing?

How out are you to your family?

Where can you buy shoes in larger sizes?

Tell us about any negative reactions you have had when out in public?

We ran out of time and I received a round of applause and some thank-you’s.

After the presentation, a woman came up to speak with me. She is involved with two youth groups in Western Massachusetts and wondered if I would be interested in talking to her groups because I would be a "wonderful role model." I indicated that I would be happy to do it and will wait for her to contact me to work something out.

I returned to the support group table to meet up with my friend Diana and we decided to stop at Rein's Deli for dinner. Although her car was in the north garage and mine in the south garage, we managed to show up at the deli 15 miles away at exactly the same time!

It was 5 PM and the deli was busy, but nobody seemed to pay much attention to us except when I waited at the register to pay the bill. Diana noticed a very senior lady who seemed to be awestruck by me. I guess she never saw an Amazon before.

After the long day, I was surprisingly not tired. I was energized by the day.

Mid-afternoon, I was walking through the Student Union and passed by a group of a half-dozen teens, who were dressed rather plainly unlike a lot of the other youths at the conference who wore every color of the rainbow (often all at the same time)!

The biggest male in the group politely stopped me. (I assumed he was male, but I could be in error because there was a lot of gender-blurring at the conference.) Anyway, I asked the boy what he wanted and he replied that he wanted a hug.

I gave him a big hug.

Now I hugged friends and acquaintances throughout the day, but this hug with a stranger was the most important hug of the day.

Happy Birthday, Lee Pace

Actors Steven Weber and Jim Parsons femulating for The Rocky Horror Picture Show, 2013. (Thanks to Jan Brown.)

Wearing Alice + Olivia.

Happy Birthday, Grayson Perry

Actor Dick Shawn femulating in the film Angel, 1984.

Wearing Brahmin.

Girl Yesterday

On Friday, I attended the True Colors Conference. It was a wonderful day and will write all about it soon, but it is late, I am tired and I am going to bed, but I leave you with this photo of yours truly before I drove to the conference.

Girl Friday

I will begin Friday by dressing as a female professional, then driving an hour to the campus of the University of Connecticut (my alma mater) to attend the True Colors Conference for sexual minority youth and their supporters.

I will staff my support group's table for about four hours and then make a presentation titled "Femulate: The Art of Becoming Womanly." I have made this presentation at True Colors before and it was well-received. Basically, it is an update of my 2007 blog post "top 30 things every crossdressing man needs in his wardrobe to emulate a woman" presented orally in a female voice.

Yes - I have been practicing for over a month fine-tuning my female voice and it will make its debut today.

I will have a full report on my day out as soon as possible... hopefully, with photos!

By the way, the photo above is from the 1940 film His Girl Friday starring Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell, who happens to hail from my hometown.