My Worst Nightmare

I was out femme all day Monday. (That’s me in the photo before going out.)

In the morning, I did outreach at a Human Sexuality class at Southern Connecticut State University.

After the class, the professor took us out to dine at a local New Haven eatery.

And after dining, I planned to return home. Before starting the car, I called home and discovered that my presence was not required at home as early as I had previously thought, so I had more time to spend out femme.

I pass a DressBarn on the way home, so I decided to stop and shop.

After shopping at DressBarn, I returned to my car and it won't start! The dashboard lights up, the radio plays, but when I turn the key, all I get is a loud ticking noise.

I have AAA, but I am a little concerned about dealing with AAA out femme.

As I am sitting in my car contemplating my next move and occasionally turning the ignition key to no avail, a small red pickup truck parks next to me just as I am cranking the ignition for the umpteenth time.

Two young fellows get out of the truck. They do not ask me if I needed help. Instead the driver walks to the front of my car and signals to me to pop the hood.

I gladly do so and the two of them poke around the engine compartment, but do not find anything amiss.

I have a set of jumper cables, so we tried jump starting the car, but that does not work.

Since my car has a manual transmission, they suggested rolling the car and popping the clutch to start it. (I had not done that in years and had completely forgotten about that trick.)

So they gave my car a little push. The car started rolling across the parking lot and I am trying to pop the clutch, but I am not getting the job done.

Just as I am about to run out of parking lot, I remember that I have to pop it into second gear, not first gear, and as soon as I did, the car started.

I waved my hand out the window to my two "good Samaritans" and headed straight home with my fingers crossed that nothing else would go wrong with my car.

I made it home without issue. This morning, I popped the clutch again to start the car and drove it to my dealer to get it fixed.

I always worried about having car problems when out femme. I thought it could be the worst thing that could happen. Now I am not so sure.

Maybe it is better to be a woman than a man when car problems strike. Would those two fellows be so quick to come to the rescue of a tall middle-aged guy as they were to come to the rescue of a leggy middle-aged blond?

I don't know and I am not anxious to find out again.

Very Comfortable

Today, I will do outreach at a Human Sexuality class at Southern Connecticut State University.

A few days ago, Leeanne commented, "You must feel very comfortable in your skin to be able to go into the situations you go into Stana."

Yes, I am very comfortable.

I admit that before I take that first step out the door en femme, I am a little hesitant. Part of it is due to fear and part of it is due to awe.

 "Fear" that something may go wrong. (Except for an occasional wardrobe malfunction, nothing has ever gone wrong.)

"Awe" that I am actually going out en femme and functioning as a woman in society.

I hesitate for only a moment or two, then push myself out the door.

As soon as I hear the click of my high heels on the floor, pavement, sidewalk, or wherever I take those first steps, I stop thinking about being en femme because at that point, I am femme.

Like Father, Like Son

If male-to-female transgenders are called "transwomen," should male-to-female transgender fathers be called "transmothers" ?

Womanless Pick of the Week

Aunty Marlena keeps on finding new links to womanless events on the Internet. The February 10 Womanless Beauty Pageant at County Line High School in Ratcliff, AR is the pick of the week this week.

When Transwomen Go To Church

Aundaray Guess has an interesting post on The Huffington Post about Tyler Perry's film character Madea and the faith communities.

"It's no secret that in the black church there is a great divide over LGBT issues. Although Madea is not transgender, there are aspects of the character that raise questions about acceptance of black transgender women. Many gay men can blend in without being marked as gay, but for many women who are transgender, it is more difficult to blend in and avoid ignorance or rejection from faith communities. Whether transgender or gay, to be accepted in the church one has to 'butch' oneself up, but even then one wouldn't be fully accepted but relegated to the fringe instead. Or one could just join the choir, where there's a sort of unofficial don't ask, don't tell' policy."

Read the rest of the post here.

My Two Cents

Although, Mr. Guess restricts his discussion to the black church, I believe that transgender women and men run into similar walls of rejection in other faith communities.

For example, I attended Mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral en femme without incident (mainly because I was under the radar). However, I doubt if my presence in the Catholic Church would be accepted with open arms if it was known that I was a transgender woman.

What Would Jesus Do?

I am aware that there are other churches that do accept transwomen with open arms, but not the one I attended the first three-quarters of my life.

I truly believe that Jesus would accept me; it’s too bad that many of his followers would except me.

Monday, Monday

"Monday, Monday; can't stand that day"

Except when I am going out en femme on a Monday. And that is the case this Monday when I will be doing outreach at Professor Schildroth's Human Sexuality class at Southern Connecticut State University.

This outreach may be a little different than most because there are only six students in the class, all female by the way. Most classes are bigger; as I recall, the smallest class I have outreached before this one had about 15 students.

With larger classes, you would expect a larger pool of questions during Q&A, but that is not always the case because some students seem intimidated by their fellow students and will not ask questions.

With a small group of six, the potential pool of questions will be smaller, but maybe the students will be less intimidated and more willing to ask their questions.

The End of Pantyhose

Before attending my law school reunion, I mentioned reading Ginger Burr's blog  (Are Nude Stockings Posh or Passé?) in which she discussed the benefits of switching from pantyhose to thigh high stockings.

She convinced me and I went shopping for thigh highs to wear to the reunion, but I was unable to find any in the handful of stores I was able to visit. I wore pantyhose to the reunion, but visited my favorite online boutique (Amazon.com) to shop for thigh highs.

Size is always an issue. One man's size 12 is another man's size 16, if you know what I mean. So I usually have to experiment in order to find the right size and since I was experimenting, I did not want to expend a lot of money.

I narrowed my choices to the Berkshire brand of thigh high stockings. The price was right (less than $4 a pair), the customer reviews were good, and their sizes looked promising.

I ordered two pairs in the color nude and in size "Queen 2," which they claim fit heights of 5'6" - 6'0" and weights of 185 - 250 lbs. I am a little taller than 6'0", but at the low end of the weight range, so I figured they might fit.

The stockings arrived yesterday. When I opened the package and removed a stocking, I was disappointed because it did not look long enough. I estimated that it probably might just make it over my knees.

So, I was very surprised when I tried one on. Not only did it make it over my knee, but it made it to the top of my thigh!

So, goodbye pantyhose and hello thigh highs!

The New Switcheroo

Hana Pesut "is a self-taught photographer raised in a small town in the mountains and currently living in Vancouver, Canada. Her main focus in photography is the 'little moments' that people sometimes miss and later wish they had captured. She hopes to inspire others to take more photos in their day to day life."

One of Hana's photography projects is "Switcheroo." In this project, she takes a photograph of people wearing their own clothes, then they switch clothes, and she takes a second photo of the people after the switcheroo.

Not exactly femulations, but interesting and fun nonetheless, the project archives can be viewed here, while the latest Switcheroo photos can be viewed on Hana's blog.

A Bra That’s Fit For A Queen

The folks at Perfectly Petite Lingerie asked me to try a bra that they sell to male customers looking for larger band sizes, but with small cups.

I agreed and in short order, USPS delivered one of their black bras in size 40A. I immediately tried it on and it fit perfectly. The lower part of the cups are slightly padded and underwired to give my boyish breasts a little lift, which results in a more girlish profile. By the way, the bra is so comfortable that I did not realize that the cups were underwired until I read about their design!

As a test, I wore the bra all day one day while attending the Hamvention last month in Dayton and all I can say is that it behaved like a bra is supposed to behave; it did not require any attention the whole time. It fit well and required no adjustments as the day progressed; it was as if I was bra-less.

The bra is a quality product. I was especially impressed with the clasps that seemed of better quality than any others I have encountered in 50 years of femulating.

By the way, Perfectly Petite Lingerie offers a very personal service to their customers, and treat everyone as the individual they are. If people have special requests regarding delivery etc., they are always happy to oblige and often receive e-mails thanking them for our "excellent customer service."

I highly recommend Perfectly Petite Lingerie’s bra for girls like us.

Trying Something New

I just came into a free stash of wax strips by the brand name of "Parissa."

I have never used wax strips and was looking for a little advice from anyone who has used them.

"Parissa's gentle, natural products result in salon-smooth skin that lasts for weeks. Skin stays smoother longer since regrowth is sparser and finer. Parissa products also exfoliate the skin and removes impurities for healthy, radiant skin. Results: smooth soft skin for up to 6 weeks; clean, supple results; safer than lotions & lasers; finer, sparser regrowth."

The part about "6 weeks" really got my attention.

Dress Code

Human Resources sent an e-mail out yesterday titled "Dress Code."

We expect you to report for work in appropriate attire. The image projected by personnel is important to our company’s success. Even though we have adopted a casual dress code policy, you should exercise discretion in selecting clothes suited to a casual business environment.

For example, the following are not appropriate attire for an office environment:

•    Backless or see-through shirts and/or styles that expose the abdomen, excessive skin or undergarments

•    Ripped/torn clothing or jeans and low-rise styles that expose excessive skin/undergarments

•    Miniskirts/dresses, short shorts and cut-offs shorts

•    Stretch/stirrup pants/leggings unless combined w/mid-thigh length top

•    Visible foundation garments, low cut and/or suggestive clothing

•    Clothing that is unwashed or stained

•    Bare feet, over the knee boots and beach shoes (rubber flip-flops)

Ouch - My wardrobe resembles some of that banned attire!

Leaving work yesterday, I mentioned to the receptionist that I will have to start abiding by the dress code.

"No miniskirts for me tomorrow," I remarked.

She laughed.

If she only knew! (And maybe someday, she will.)

In Stana Mode

Some people may think I pushed the envelope attending my law school reunion en femme on Saturday, but it really was not that difficult.

Yes, I had a few butterflies beforehand, but I always have a few butterflies before I go into the unknown. Doesn't everybody?

I clearly recall pulling into the south parking lot of the Basketball Hall of Fame Saturday evening. The parking lot was relatively empty; the only people in sight were a family dressed very casually. There was not a soul who looked liked they were attending a reunion.

I thought, "Do I have the right day for the event?"

I discarded that notion because I immediately recalled that a few days earlier, I had exchanged e-mails with one of the reunion organizers and she wrote, "See you Saturday night."

I drove to the north parking lot and found it a little fuller than the south lot, but the only people I saw were also dressed too casually for a reunion.

I parked my car and while switching from my flats to my heels, I watched out for anybody dressed more appropriately.

A car pulled in and parked in the next row just opposite me. Trees blocked the view, but as folks exited that car I could see their feet hit the pavement and one pair of feet was wearing a killer pair of high heel pumps. I knew then I was in the right place.

After that, all the butterflies flew away and I was completely comfortable in Stana mode.

When I am in that state, I do not even think about being en femme because I am not en femme. Men may be en femme, but women cannot be en femme; it's redundant.

I was not en femme; rather I was presenting as the gender I am. And it was completely natural; it was perfect.

Still More Yearbook Femulation

Hanford (CA) High School, 1986

I uploaded over 20 new images to the Yearbook Femulations collection on flickr. Starla keeps finding them and I keep uploading them --- so you have her to thank for the ever expanding collection!

More

These are things I failed to mention in yesterday's long post about my law school reunion at the Naismith Basketball Hall of Fame (photo above).

---xxx---

A couple of my classmates urged me to get involved with my law school's new Center for Gender & Sexuality Studies. I am very interested in doing so, but I don't know if I have anything to offer since I never practiced law.

One of my classmates thought that did not matter because just telling my transgender story would be enlightening to many people just as it was to my classmates who heard it Saturday night.

I do plan to contact the Center and find out if they are interested in me as I am of them. 

---yyy---

The three female classmates who I conversed with extensively at the reunion seldom spoke to me when we were attending law school. I cannot recall having an extended conversation with any of them back then.

So, needless to say, I was very surprised how they interfaced with me at the reunion. It was like we were four old girlfriends reliving the past.

I assure you that I am not complaining, but I was very surprised nonetheless.

---zzz---

I wore flats while driving to and from the Hall of Fame, but I wore heels (my black patent open-toed slingbacks) during the 4-1/2 hours attending the reunion and it was a painless experience thanks to the Insolia shoe inserts. I recommend them highly and plan to purchase more.

My Law School Reunion

Ready to Go to the Hall of Fame

My law school reunion experience was just fabulous, as I wrote in my last short blog post.

For those of you out of the loop, on Saturday evening, I attended my law school reunion at the Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, MA.

Getting ready yesterday afternoon, I cut myself badly using a new blade in my razor. It was a deep cut just under my left nostril and it took forever to stop bleeding. As a result, it took me longer to do my makeup, initially working around the cut, then waiting for the bleeding to stop when I could go no further by working around it. Luckily, I started doing my makeup early enough so that any technical difficulties would not affect my arrival time at the Hall of Fame.

I was dressed and out the door (after snapping a few photos) at 4:45 PM to make the 50-mile trip by 6 PM when the cocktail hour began. On the way, the traffic message boards on the interstate informed me that the exit I had to take to switch from I-84 to I-91 was closed and it recommended a detour via another highway. I thought about driving to an exit before the closed exit and trying to work my way to an I-91 entrance, but I was familiar with the recommended detour and figured I would only lose 10 minutes, whereas who knew how much time Plan A would cost me. So I took the detour and lost about 20 minutes instead of 10.

The rest of the trip was smooth-sailing and I arrived at the Hall of Fame at 5:55 PM --- perfect timing!

I entered the Hall of Fame complex and quickly found the site of the reunion. I was in error in that I thought that the reunion would be held in the Center Court banquet hall. Instead, it took place in a smaller banquet hall in the complex. It was not as spectacular as I pictured the Center Court, but it was very nice nonetheless.

I checked in and immediately encountered the woman who I had exchanged a few e-mails with concerning the reunion. I introduced myself; she welcomed me and helped me find my name badge.

There were about 20 people already in attendance. I recognized one of my classmates, CR, a woman who I considered a school acquaintance, not a long lost friend. I said hello to her and she returned a hello, while looking at my name badge trying to figure out who I was (the badge listed Stana, my real last name, and my class year, 1977).

She was carrying a copy of our class yearbook, so I suggested she look me up in the yearbook to refresh her memory. She did and when she put two-and-two together, she exclaimed, "Oh my god! Stanley, you are beautiful now!"

She gushed over how I had changed and then we chatted a bit trying to catch up on the past 35 years in five minutes. CR was distracted by another person, who I did not recognize, so I went to the bar and got a glass of white wine.

My Classmates and I

I mingled with myself for about five minutes, then CR came around again and pointed me the direction of a table where other 1977 classmates were gathering, so I headed in that direction. There I found two other female school acquaintances (PM and LF) and one of my best friends (JB) and his wife.

An aside, as it turned out, there were nine people in my class who made it to the reunion. Four women and five men. All the women came solo and all five men came with their wives. I believe that the three other women are unattached.

Both PM and LF welcomed me with open arms as if we were old girlfriends and not just acquaintances (I think CR had informed them of my presence before I found their table, so they were expecting me). I did not recognize JB immediately, but when I realized it was my old friend, I greeted him warmly and gave him a hug. His wife, EB, introduced herself and she was very welcoming, too. We all exchanged our stories about the last 35 years, but the women were more interested in hearing my story than relating theirs to me. So as not to disappoint, I obliged and held an impromptu outreach session.

Another friend, MM, showed up and he greeted me like the old friends we were.

The cocktail hour flew by and before I knew it, PM was beckoning me to join her at the 1977 table in the dining room. I sat down next to PM and we chatted forever, mostly about me. She assumed that I was a post-op TS and I explained that I was not. Actually, everyone I talked to about being transgender assumed I was post-op and I explained to all of them that I was not.

PM said that I was undoubtedly a woman and that I was more of a woman than she was! She said she never felt like a "woman" and was not sure what it meant to feel like a woman. I basically said we are what we are, but society pigeonholes us as "men" or "women" according to their "standards."

After dinner, which by the way, was excellent, I had a long discussion with EB about being transgender. EB is in the entertainment industry in the City and as a result, she is familiar with  transgenders and knows where I am coming from more or less.

I mentioned to her that her husband, JB, was the person who told me at the law school Halloween party 36 years ago, that he never realized how feminine I was until he saw me in my costume en femme and realized that it was such a good fit for me and my personality, mannerisms, etc.

MM sat down next to me to chat a bit and said that I was very brave to do what I did. And I replied with my standard comeback to the bravery comment, that is, I don't consider it brave to be yourself… to be what who you are. But he said I was too modest and that if he was in the same situation, he doubted if he could do what I did.

Maybe, maybe not, but it was very nice of MM to say what he did. In fact, I received nothing but support and positive words from all my classmates.

I did not mix much with the other attendees; there was not much time to do so. But early on, one woman from the class of 2006 introduced herself and we had a short chat about what we had in common, that is, the mispronunciation of our first names. Her name is Zoe and people call her Zo or Zo-ee.  About half the people pronounced my name correctly (rhymes with Donna) and the other half got it wrong, but I didn't mind.

The only other non-classmate I recall speaking with was a professor who dined at our table and sat right next to me. He began teaching at the school the year after I graduated, so he did not know me from the school, but I asked him about what happened to some of the people I worked with way back when (I worked in the library while attending law school) and he tried to fill me in on what he remembered (not much as it turned out).

The evening ended much too quickly and I was on my way home at 10:30 PM. 

I had a wonderful time to put it mildly!

Just Fabulous!

I had a fabulous time at my law school reunion last night.

I have a lot to write about and I will post those words ASAP. For now, I leave you with a photo of my classmates and four of their spouses (I am seated far right).

Preparation

I began preparing for my Saturday night out to attend my law school reunion.

Yesterday, I configured my GPS to take me to the Basketball Hall of Fame. (It's 46.1 miles, 1 hour and 1 minute from my house to the Hall.)

I washed my wig last night and shaved my armpits this morning.

Still undecided about what to wear, I went through my closet last night and picked out four dresses that I may wear. Tonight, I will look through the storage closet and see if there are any oldies, but goodies to consider.

And after reading Ginger Burr's blog post today (Are Nude Stockings Posh or Passé?), I am grabbing my purse, (I guess I should say "man-bag" since I am in boy mode) and going shopping for thigh highs to wear tomorrow night.

Dress Like Success

Thank you for all your suggestions about what I should wear to my law school reunion Saturday evening. Your suggestions were very diverse running the gamut from dressing conservatively to wearing a mini-dress with a nice casual black jacket (like the main characters in the film Bridesmaids).

Googling the Internet on the subject, I found suggestions that were just as diverse as yours, but I also found something different in "Dress Like Success for a Class Reunion" written by Jeannine Stein for the Fashion Police column of the Los Angeles Times. Although dated June 1, 2001, it is still applicable today.

...let's take a minute to review why most people attend their reunions:

1. They want everyone to know how successful they are.

2. They want everyone to know how great they look.

3. They want to see that the football captain/head cheerleader/class president have become pathetic losers.

Let's be honest--no one goes to reunions to catch up with old friends. If you wanted to catch up, you'd have done that by now. So let's focus on No. 2.
...that is, looking great.

Ms. Stein continues...

Choose a current style that suits you. You want to project an air of self-confidence and sophistication, but you don't want to seem like you're trying too hard. Everyone will pick up on that aura of desperation.

Although there was no dress code on the invitation, we'll guess this is a sport coat/cocktail dress/dressy pantsuit kind of event.The trusty Little Black Dress is always welcome at such occasions, but if that's not your style, there are alternatives.

And so it goes.

How to View the Newest Yearbook Femulations flickr Uploads

A number of people have asked how to view the newest uploads to the Yearbook Femulations on flickr.

There are two ways:

Method 1: The easiest way is to go to my photostream and you will find the newest uploads begin at the top of page 1. The uploads get older as the page numbers get higher with the oldest uploads on the last page.

Method 2: Open one of the Yearbooks sets (A through Z) and you will find the newest uploads at the end/bottom of the set. (The oldest uploads appear at the beginning/top of the set.)

By the way, the contents of the A through Z sets are organized according to school name, for example, the photos from Hard Knox High School would be in the Yearbooks H set.

It's a Little Harder

Pensacola (FL)
Catholic High School, 1980

Attending my law school reunion Saturday is a little harder than most of my real life experiences en femme.

Besides trying to figure out what to wear (thank you for all your suggestions), I am nervous about attending.

I do not have a law practice, so I am not concerned about letting the cat out of the bag to my "peers" and negatively affecting my legal profession.

I had absolutely no nervousness during my Dayton trip two weeks ago, but then again, I had done Dayton successfully en femme twice before, so I knew what to expect and was completely comfortable with it.

I know I probably have nothing to worry about, but I am still a little nervous. Go figure.

I guess not knowing what to expect at the reunion is what is unsettling. But I am sure that as soon as I walk across the parking lot of the Basketball Hall of Fame and hear my heels clicking on the pavement, I will feel so comfortable in my skin that nothing will bother me. 

The Law

By the way, some of you have asked about my law practice.

I never practiced law. I have a Juris Doctor (JD) degree, but never used it.

I went to law school because I did not know what to do after graduating from college. Somebody suggested law, so I applied to a few schools, got accepted, attended class, and did not like it much. But I stuck it out for three years and got my degree.

While I waited for the results of the bar exam, I found a job as a writer (my first love) and never looked back.

Luckily, law school was cheap back then, so I did not invest a lot of money in an unfulfilled goal. Also I met some interesting people and made some great friends during the three-year stint.

Instead of going to law school, I should have gone to New York to live as a woman and work as a female impersonator, but the good ship Lollipop sailed without me a long time ago.

As it turns out, my law school is very active in transgender legal issues. The school launched a new Center for Gender and Sexuality Studies in January where students and alumni, "along with the general public, will gain a valuable new resource for education about how gender and sexuality have become an integral part of 21st century law."

The Center for Gender and Sexuality Studies has a new webpage on the school's website: www.law.wne.edu/gendercenter.

Yearbook Femulations Update

I uploaded 50 new foto finds from friend Starla to the flickr Yearbook Femulations collection. I also uploaded two photos of my 1976 law school Halloween party femulation.

Class Reunion

Saturday evening, I will attend my law school class reunion.

Instead of reuniting just one graduating class, the reunion is for all classes with years ending in "2" or "7." Thus, my 1977 class will celebrate its 35th reunion along with classes celebrating their 5th, 10th, 15th, 20th, et cetera reunions.

The latest head count has 67 graduates plus guests attending including ten grads from my own class. Three of those ten I considered friends when I attended the school. I don't recall one of the ten at all; he might have been in the night school. The remainder were classmate acquaintances, not friends.

I am not sure what to wear to the reunion. I want to dress nicely because the venue is very nice: the Basketball Hall of Fame's "Center Court," which is a grand ballroom with a large domed ceiling and balcony view.

Online photos of recent past reunions show most of the women dressed in conservative suits or dresses. That's not me! I never dress conservatively.

I do have a few days to decide what to wear. Any suggestions?

Cat Deeley Looks Very Tall

I could not help noticing guest star Cat Deeley on the episode of the HBO comedy series Life's Too Short that aired Friday night. In the scene in which she appeared, she was the tallest person in the room by far, taller than all the other women as well as the men.

I knew immediately that she qualified for the Famous Females of Height List, so I Googled her height and discovered that she was only 5'9". With the high heels she wore in her Life's Too Short appearance, she was 6 feet tall or more, but compared to everyone else in the room, she looked a lot taller (see accompanying photos). I assume everyone else in the room was exceptionally short to cause this illusion.

Here is the complete list of additions to the Famous Females of Height List:

5'8" – Berenice Marlohe – actress – film Skyfall

5'9" – Cat Deeley – television presenter, model – television's So You Think You Can Dance

5'9" – Chrissy Teigen – model – Sports illustrated

5'10" – Irina Sheik– model – Sports illustrated

5'10" – Kate Upton – model, actress – film The Three Stooges – source: Meg of Call Me Meg fame

Girls Make Passes At Boys Who Wear Dresses

 

"If you thought only hunky men with big biceps get the ladies, think again. These cross-dressing student performers from China are not only popular with audiences, they have legions of female fans," according to The Straits Times Stomp.

"The 'girls' of Alice Cross Dresser Group first made a name for themselves by filling in for female students at a cosplay performance, who had failed to turn up for the event."

"They now performing regularly for about $100 per performer and have large numbers of female fans, who find them 'prettier' than the average Chinese male."

The article includes 184 photos of the Alice Cross Dresser Group and "other high-profile cross-dressers."

Thank you Nikto X for this story.

Catch Up

Starla came up with 35 additional high school yearbook femulations and I uploaded them to the Yearbook Femulations collection on flickr. (The collection now contains 1,057 images!)

By the way, the easiest way to view the latest additions to the collection is to go to my photostream. The newest uploads begin on the first page of the photostream. 

"Imagine a world where someone with a penis can wear dresses every day if this person desired. Gender-neutral bathrooms and department stores and professional sports become the rule rather than the exception to it. Children can play with whatever toys they prefer."

Allison Hope expounds on this at The Huffington Post in her article titled "A Penis and a Dress: Why the Gender Binary Needs to Go Away."

Meanwhile, Glamour offers the following advice: "10 Dresses Every Woman Should Own." In light of the previous article, perhaps "10 Dresses Every Dress-Wearer Should Own" is more appropriate.

Real RLE

Real-life experience (RLE) is a process where transsexual and transgender people live full-time in their preferred gender identity for a period of time, in order to demonstrate that they can function as a member of said gender. --- Wikipedia

Since I have returned home from Dayton, I was thinking about my RLE.

The longest I have lived full-time in my preferred gender identity was when I attended Fantasia Fair for 7 days in 2009, but I discount that experience because the people who live and work at the site of the Fair, that is, Provincetown, MA, are aware that the transgenders are in town for week. Every tall female stranger is a suspected tranny and nobody passes. How can you have a real life experience in your preferred gender identity if almost everyone you interact with knows your assigned at birth gender?

Discounting Fantasia Fair as an RLE for that reason also discounts the various three, four, and five-day transgender conferences and conventions I have attended in the past.

That leaves me with my four-day full-time experiences in New York City in 2009 and Dayton in 2010, 2011, and 2012 and my too numerous to count one-day outings. I consider those my real RLEs.

Admittedly, in some cases, some people knew what was going on because I came out to them, but the majority of people did not know. They may have suspected something was up with this Amazon, but I was just as clueless about what they thought as they were clueless about me.

I do think it is noteworthy that no one reacted negatively to me during my RLEs (a youth in New York City called me a "dyke," but I considered that a positive reaction).

So either (1)(a) I passed as a woman in other peoples' eyes, (2)(b) people suspected something, but were not confident enough in their suspicions to react to the tranny, (3)(c) people suspected something, but respected my desires to present as a woman, (4)(d) people suspected something, but did not care, or (5)(e) people suspected something, but were afraid to react to the crazy tranny.

Whatever.      

In my opinion, my RLEs successfully demonstrated that I can function as a woman.

Got Shoes (Hamvention Fashion Note)

In my favorite slingbacks.

I packed six pairs of shoes for the Hamvention. I only wore three pairs.

Three pairs were intended to match four outfits that I planned to wear. Included in that three were a pair that I love, but have been problematical in the past: a pair of black patent open-toed sling-backs with a 4-inch heel and 1/2-inch platform. I love how they look, but after about three to four hours of wear, they become painful and must come off.

I also packed a back-up pair of sling-backs that are not as pretty, but are more comfortable, a black mid-heel pair of Mary-Janes that are always comfortable, my Nine West patent red and black Mary-Janes, a white pair of pumps, and a new pair of black flats. 

Wednesday evening, in my hotel room on the Ohio-Pennsylvania border, I installed a pair of Insolia shoe inserts in the black patent open-toed sling-backs.

I wore the new black flats during the 4.5-hour drive from the Ohio-Pennsylvania border to the hotel south of Dayton. They were very comfortable.

When I arrived at the hotel at 3 PM, I slipped on the black patent open-toed sling-backs and wore them the rest of the day (until about 10 PM). My feet hurt a bit, but no where near the excruciating pain that normally shows up at hour number three. Admittedly, I was sitting most of the time (at my board of directors dinner meeting), so I was not sure if the low amount of pain was due to the inserts or my rear end.

Friday, the Hamvention began. I wore the black patent open-toed sling-backs again and brought along my new black flats for backup. I slipped on the sling-backs at 7 AM and did not remove them until 11 PM. I was amazed that like the day before, my feet hurt a bit, but not so much that the shoes had to come off. I did sit some of the time (during the day while staffing our booth, attending various forums, and dining at our banquet), but I was also on my feet a lot while staffing our booth and walking around the convention.

Saturday, I wore my red and black Mary-Janes and again brought along my flats for backup. The Mary-Janes also have the Insolia inserts, but throughout the day, I had to switch back and forth between the flats and the Mary-Janes because they were not as comfortable as the sling-backs. I wore the Mary-Janes while I was working the booth or if I only had to walk short distances like to the forum area or to the ladies' room. I switched to the flats when I had to walk greater distances like when I made the grand tour of the whole convention floor.

Saturday evening, I wore the sling-backs again when I attended the outdoor cook-out party and I did not bother to bring along my backups.

I am sold on Insolia's high heel inserts and highly recommend them to anyone who owns hurting high heels that they just have to wear.

By the way, while I was working the booth in heels Friday and Saturday, I received two comments regarding my shoes from guys passing by the booth:

"You need sneakers, my dear,"

"Not really," I replied.

...and...

"Are you wearing high heels? Because you are a very tall woman."

"Even without the heels," I thought to myself.

And so it goes

Thank-you for being at the show (Hamvention Saturday)

Up at 5:30 AM Saturday instead of 5 because we opted for McDonald's take-out breakfast rather than the hotel's sit-down breakfast, so I got a little more much-needed beauty rest.

Saturday at Hamvention was like Friday at Hamvention. Thousands of people visited our booth and I interacted with hundreds of them. A half-dozen Femulate readers, who are hams, visited me at the booth (you know who you are) and it was great seeing and chatting with them all in person.

Late Saturday morning, I made a grand tour of the convention trying to visit the various booths that had I planned ahead of time to visit or any that caught my eye during my quick sweep of the convention floor on Friday.

During the tour, a woman seated at a booth I was passing by asked me to sign their visitor's log. The booth belonged to the Young Ladies' Radio League (YLRL), which is an organization for women with amateur radio licenses. The woman seated at the booth asked me if I was interesting in joing the YLRL. I told her I was interested and she handed me a pamphlet about the organization for later reading.

A few minutes later, the chairman of Hamvention stopped me and introduced himself.

He said, "You're with AMSAT, right?" (AMSAT is another ham radio organization that happened to have a booth right next to ours.)

"No, I'm with TAPR."

He said, "Well, I've seen you around Hamvention and just want to thank you and TAPR for being at the show."

"You're welcome."

In all my past years working our booth in boy mode, no Hamvention chairperson ever thanked me (or my group) for being at the show. I wonder if my short skirt made a difference this year?

Fashion Note: During the day, I wore my favorite dress, my JCPenney black and white print A-line dress, suntan pantyhose, Nine West red and black patent Mary-Jane pumps, matching ShoeDazzle red bag, and jewelry (necklace, earrings, watch) that complimented the outfit I wore a red shade of lipstick to match my shoes and bag. For the cookout, I wore my DressBarn "Bordered Abstract Dress and Bolero Duet" again with suntan pantyhose, Newport News black patent open-toed sling-backs, Kohl's black hobo bag, and jewelry (necklace, earrings, watch) that complimented the outfit.
After an exhaustive day at Hamvention, we returned to the hotel for a half-hour break before the last event of my Hamvention weekend.

I shaved and touched up my makeup quickly, changed outfits and met the boys in the lobby. As we departed, I noticed Joy at the front desk. I had not seen her since I checked in and I waved at her. She returned the wave and asked if I was enjoying my stay. Then she and the other woman working the front desk gushed over my dress. I thanked them and departed to attend a cookout at the home of Tom, one our group's officers.

Tom invites me every year to his cookout and I usually turn him down because of a schedule conflict. This was the first year I did not have a conflict, so I could attend, but I was hesitant. I did not want to impose my transgender on Tom's family and friends, who I did not know. But after a very affirming two days at Hamvention, I accepted at the last minute.

Again, I had nothing to worry about. Tom and his wife were perfect hosts and their friends interacted with me like the guys at the banquet the night before.They were polite, respectful, very friendly and they even got the pronouns right.

It was difficult calling it a night. On the one hand, I had a 12 hour trip facing me on Sunday, so turning in and getting a good night's rest was a good idea, but calling it a night also meant that my Hamvention weekend was over and I was having such a great time, I didn't want it to end.

But there is always next year.

Annapolis (Hamvention Friday)

Five AM came quickly. It takes me about 45 minutes to do my makeup (I am meticulous), so that is why I get up so early to get ready.

I went to the hotel restaurant at 7 AM for breakfast. There I met board member John K and his wife Laura. I had not seen Laura since Hamvention a year ago, so we hugged and caught up on the past year.

While I was eating and chatting, I noticed a group of guys at the next table checking me out. Finally, one of the guys got up and came to our table, excused himself and asked me, "Did you ever live in Annapolis?"

"No, I've never been in Annapolis, why do you ask?"

"You look just like the sister of a friend of mine from Annapolis. Sorry to bother you."

"No problem."

That was a nice confidence boost to begin the day!

After breakfast, we departed for the convention site arriving there at about 8 AM --- one hour before the doors open to the public.

We found our booth, got set up and waited.

At 9 AM, I walked to the room where our group was having its two-hour forum about the state-of-the-art and beyond projects we are involved in. It was a full-house.

After the forum, I made a quick sweep of the huge convention floor and ran into an old friend who I came out to last year at Hamvention. We caught up on the past year until a customer needed assistance, so I told him I would catch him later.

I returned to our booth and I saw another old friend in the distance. I worked side-by-side with OF when we both worked at ARRL headquarters and we became friends. Since leaving headquarters over 30 years ago for greener pastures, I have run into him occasionally at other ham events... the last time was at Hamvention about five years ago. Now, he is an elected official of the ARRL and I assumed he knew about my coming out, so I wanted to meet up with him face-to-face.

About an hour later, I was walking through the convention and saw OF coming in my direction. As we got closer, I smiled and said, "Hi OF."

OF had a puzzled look and asked, "Do I know you?"

I pointed to the call sign on my booth badge and only then did he know who I was.

Always worried about how old friends and acquaintances will react, again I had nothing to worry about. I explained my situation and he was fine with it.

This scene was repeated about an hour later while I was working the booth. A former board member of our group, who I had not seen in close to ten years, came by. I greeted him and he had no clue, so I showed him my call sign and then he knew. He related it was the second time this had happened because recently another ham friend came out to him as "Michelle." Just as he was fine with Michelle and he was fine with Stana.

Board members John A and Steve planned to leave early because they had to be at the banquet when the doors opened. Since we were staying in the same hotel, I left with them so I could freshen my makeup and change my outfit. Traffic was heavy and by the time we got back to the hotel, we did not have much time, so we agreed to meet back at the car in 15 to 20 minutes.

In 20 minutes, I went over my face with my electric razor to remove anything unladylike that had turned up during the day, reapplied any makeup that needed reapplication, and changed outfits. The only thing I could not do was close the clasp above the zipper on the back of my dress, so when I met John and Steve at the car, I asked one of the boys to close the clasp for me.

Fashion Note: During the day, I wore my DressBarn "Abstract Cap-Sleeve Dress," suntan pantyhose, Newport News black patent open-toed sling-backs, Kohl's black hobo bag, and jewelry (bracelet, earrings, watch) that complimented the outfit. For the banquet, I wore my DressBarn "Bordered Abstract Dress and Bolero Duet" with the same hose, shoes, and bag, but different jewelry (necklace, earrings, watch).

When we arrived at the banquet hall, some attendees (about 20) were already in attendance, so we needed to collect their tickets. While John manned the entrance to collect tickets from new arrivals, I volunteered to collect tickets from those already in attendance. Almost all of them were strangers and it was a very telling experience.

Most of the board members (all guys) have known me for ten years or more. They call me by my femme name most of the time, flub my pronouns most of the time, and still treat me "like one of the guys" all of the time. I wish they would try harder with the pronouns, but it is no big deal and I am fine with being treated as one of the guys.

So there I am collecting tickets from 20 strangers --- almost all of them were guys and they most definitely did not treat me like "one of the guys." Instead, they were very polite and respectful and some of them were actually very cute in the way they interacted with me. They also got the pronouns right. I don't think I ever felt more like a woman than I did when I collected the tickets.

After that experience, I became more aware of how strangers interacted with me during Hamvention. In general, woman smiled that smile which indicates that they acknowledge you as a member of their club. And men were overly polite. It became obvious that they thought I was a woman and not a man in a dress.

Note to self: Chivalry is not dead in the Midwest, so let men hold the door open for you.

Extra Cookies (Hamvention Thursday)

Wednesday night, I had a room with a view of the Interstate and did not sleep very well because of the tractor trailer noise.

I got up around 6 AM and took my time getting ready because I had a mere 4.5-hour drive to Dayton. However, I did want to partake in the hotel's continental breakfast, so I managed to get dressed en femme and made it down to the breakfast area by 8:30 AM.

There were about 12 people breakfasting. I think I was the youngest person there. No one paid much attention to me except for the hotel staff member who was minding the store. She was very friendly and attentive. When I asked her if there was any more fruit to replace what had already been taken, she quickly replenished the fruit bowl.

After breakfast, I packed my car, checked out of the hotel and was greeted with pleasant "goodbyes" from the staff as I exited.

The 4.5-hour drive was uneventful. With my GPS directing me, I even managed to successfully snake my way through Akron without error, which has not always been the case in the past.

I arrived at the Doubletree Suites in Miamisburg at 2:15 PM.

As I wrote here on Thursday, my room was not ready, so I asked the friendly front desk attendant (named Joy) if there was a nearby pharmacy where I could buy the one thing I forgot to pack: earplugs. Joy gave me directions to a store just around the corner and I scored a pack of earplugs that as it turned out, I never needed in my Doubletree Suite.

While I was waiting for my room to be ready, Joy and I became fast friends and she gave me extra cookies to take to my room. I got into my room at 3:15 PM, relaxed, freshened up, took some photos, published a blog post and went to my board of directors dinner and meeting at 6 PM.

There was nothing eventful to report here about the dinner and meeting except that the waitress smiled at me everytime she entered the room. It was great to see my old friends and acquaintances again. We got some work done and wrapped up about 10 PM.

I went straight to my room after the meeting because I was exhausted and had to get up at 5 AM. I went to bed and slept soundly until 5.

Fashion Note: I wore my Macy's INC black leggings with zippers at the cuff, DressBarn floral cardigan and tank duet, suntan knee-highs, Newport News black patent open-toed sling-backs, Kohl's black hobo bag, and jewelry (necklace, earrings and watch) that complimented the outfit.

Home

Arrived home at 8 PM after 12 hours on the road.

I had a great time at the Hamvention and have many stories to tell, but now I am going to bed.

Talk to you later.

Another Long Day

It was another long day. I am going to bed now and I will drive home tomorrow. After I am back home, I promise to tell you all about my trip. Meanwhile, here is a photo taken this morning.

All Day Long

It was a long, busy and enjoyable day at the Hamvention. I left my hotel room at 7 AM and did not return until nearly 11 PM.

I am exhausted and going to crash, but before I do, I leave you with this photo taken this morning at the Hamvention before the doors opened.

Arrived

I arrived at my hotel south of Dayton (Miamisburg) at 2:15 PM.

My room was not ready, so I drove to a nearby pharmacy to buy one thing I forgot to pack: earplugs.

Returned to the hotel and chatted with one of the board members of my group, who was also waiting for a ready room.

I got into my room at 3:15 PM, relaxed, freshened up, took some photos (right) and now I am writing this blog post before I go to my board of directors dinner and meeting at 6 PM.

I love the outfit I am wearing. It is so pretty (IMHO) and it received a lot of attention when I walked through the hotel lobby.

First Stop

I drove 8 hours/466 miles today. Traffic was not bad except for some highway construction in Scranton where it took about 20 minutes to travel 1 mile.

I am staying in the same hotel I stayed last year on the Ohio-Pennsylvania border.

I just finished dinner and am ready to crash!

Good night!

More Males in Female Finery

Thanks to Aunty Marlena, here is a link to hundreds of images from The Fool's Paradise Drag Party (1996-2010). The quality of the Drag Party femulations is all over the map, but there are many gems (see photo for example). Also, check out the Drag Party's website, where most of the images are probably duplicated, but navigating them is different.

Yearbook Femulations Updated

Thanks to Starla, our intrepid yearbook search lady, I uploaded 48 new images to the Yearbook Femulations on flickr.

Femulate Interruptions

This male will be wearing female finery through the weekend as I began my trip to the Hamvention in Dayton, Ohio.

Wednesday, I plan to drive about two-thirds of the way or 8 hours, whichever comes first and stay overnight somewhere near the Ohio-Pennsylvania-West Virginia border.

Thursday, I plan to drive the remainder of the trip.

Thursday evening, I will attend my group's board of director's dinner and meeting.

Friday and Saturday, I will be at the Hamvention throughout the day.

Friday evening, I will attend my group's annual banquet. Saturday evening, I have a few options and have not made up my mind what to do yet.

Sunday, I drive home.

I will try to keep you up-to-date with short posts throughout my trip. All the gory details will follow after I get home and regroup.

24/7 X 3

I will travel to Ohio and attend a convention (Hamvention) during the second half of this week. I will be en femme 24/7.

I have attended Hamvention most years during the past 33 years, but this will only be the third time en femme 24/7.

The first time en femme 24/7 (2010) was ground-breaking for me (and my associates).

I am associated with two groups and I came out to both groups successfully before attending the convention that year. However, at the convention, I avoided people I knew who I had not come out to because I was trying to get comfortable in the new situation.

Coming out to new people is not necessarily comfortable if the other person reacts badly. (By the way, I am a well-known writer in the ham radio world and as a result, I know a lot of people and even more people know me.)

Last year, I was more comfortable and I made a point of reintroducing myself to people I avoided in 2010. Except for one instance, my reintroductions went very well.

This year, I feel completely comfortable and plan to have a great time at Hamvention.

However, this blog may suffer while I am away. Internet access is often an issue, but even under the best wifi conditions, time is always an issue. There is so much to do during the Hamvention that there is not much time for blogging.

As I have done in the past, I will probably post a new photo and a few words each day. And after I get back home, I will decompress and tell all about my trip.

Beach Weather

I saw my first love in music last night: the Beach Boys in concert at the Mohegan Sun Arena. My family gave me the tickets as a birthday gift and my daughter accompanied me to the show, while my wife and sister played slots. It was a great concert with all the living original Beach Boys performing 42 songs in in approximately 2-1/2 hours.

After the concert, we discovered that my wife and sister had done very well playing slots while we were in the arena. My daughter insisted on playing the slots, too. It was after 11 PM with a 75-minute ride home ahead of us, so I was not too keen on delaying our departure, but we agreed to play for about 15 minutes and then head home.

Instead of killing the 15-minutes watching her play the penny slots, I decided to play the quarter slots in the next row. I slipped a $10 bill in the first machine and five minutes later, I went away with $43.

I found my daughter and she was winning, too, so I let her be and slipped another $10 bill in a different quarter slot machine. On the third play, I won $150.

The night could not get much better so I decided to quit while I was ahead.

Young Man in Vintage Yves Saint Laurent Dress

Source: Candy

Big Outings

Sarah McBride

There were two notable transgender outings this week.

"Against Me! singer Tom Gabel reveals plans to begin living as a woman in the new issue of Rolling Stone. Gabel ... will soon begin the process of transition, by taking hormones and undergoing electrolysis treatments. Gabel will eventually take the name Laura Jane Grace, and will remain married to her wife Heather." Read all about it here.

Tim McBride, American University student body president, came out as transgender. Tim now goes by the name Sarah and was interviewed on Washington, DC television station WJLA. Sarah also wrote about her outing on The Huffington Post.

The Best Gurls from Recent Womanless Pageants

Yesterday, Aunty Marlena sent me links to some recent womanless events. I separated the wheat from the chaff (or the boys from the gurls) and present the best of the batch here for your appreciation.

In the Junior Division, we have the Brookeland (TX) Independent School District 2009-2010 Womanless Wildcat Pageant (left) and the Green Sea Floyds High School (Conway, SC) 2011-2012 Mr. Green Sea Floyds Pageant (right). Although a mustachioed gurl was the winner of the Mr. Green Sea Floyds Pageant, overall that pageant had higher quality femulations than the Womanless Wildcat Pageant.

In the Senior Division, there were womanless beauty pageants at the Dillon, SC, Latta United Methodist Church and in Coffee Springs, AL. In both pageants, most of the contestants were "men in dresses" or worse, bearded men in dresses (yuck!), but each pageant featured one diamond in the rough.

The gurl above left was the cutest, by far, in the Dillon contest. With a better wig, she could femulate full-time.

The gurl above right in the Coffee Springs competition was outstanding. There was only this one photo of her, but from what I could tell, she had her own hair coiffed in an up do. Also, it looks like she had her eyebrows thinned out to go along with her perfect makeup application, beautiful evening gown and accessories. I wonder if she is a reader of this blog (if you know what I mean).       

Gurl Talk

Words Can Never Hurt Me

It is acceptable for a tranny to use the word "tranny" in reference to another tranny, but it is not acceptable for a civilian to use the word "tranny." Isn't that a little hypocritical? (Actually, I think it is very hypocrital.)

Gender theorist Kate Bornstein had this to say about the word “tranny.”

"That’s the most politically problematic self-definition. I get hit for using it. A vocal contingent of trans people insist that the word 'tranny' is a slur on the order of the 'N' word applied to black Americans. It gets used as a hate term. People will yell 'f**kin’ tranny' and throw a beer can at you from a passing car. My people get spat on, and accompanying that spit is the word 'tranny.' But I own that word. I’m trying to give it a good name."

Does it make it any better if people yell "f**kin’ transgender" and throw a beer can at you from a passing car?

It is not the word, but how it is used that is important.

And speaking of the word "transgender," the whole debate about using "transgender" vs. "transgendered" seems to be much ado about not much. I use the two words interchangeably when I speak, although I have been careful about not using "transgendered" when writing this blog because I don't want to give the Trans-Nazis and Trans-Harpies more ammo to shoot in my direction.

I think I will be less careful in the future,

So, you can call me "tranny," you can call me "transgendered," you can call me "anything you want," but just don't call me late for the shoe sale.

The Thin Man

Thin Man in Orange Dress

Thin Man in White Dress

Thin Man in Orange Dress - Full Length

Gender Debunked

Read an interesting interview of gender theorist Kate Bornstein here.

Guy Talk

No Hassle

Regarding the comments in yesterday's post stating that certain stores are very ok with trans shoppers...

FWIW, here is a list of places I have shopped in the past year for women's clothing en femme or openly en homme* without a hassle. In many cases, store personnel (both male and female) gave me personal attention and helped me find what I was looking for (and even what I wasn't looking for).

Ann Taylor
Avenue
Banana Republic
bebe
Claire's
Deb
Dressbarn
Famous Footwear
Fashion Bug
JCPenney
Jessica McLintock
Kohl's
Lane Bryant
LOFT
Macy's
Nine West
Nordstrom
Payless
Sears
Sephora
Talbots
The Limited
Torrid
Victoria Secrets

* By "openly en homme," I mean I was open about the fact that I was shopping for women's clothing for myself and tried on women's clothing in the store's dressing room.