The Thin Man

Thin Man in Orange Dress

Thin Man in White Dress

Thin Man in Orange Dress - Full Length

Gender Debunked

Read an interesting interview of gender theorist Kate Bornstein here.

Guy Talk

No Hassle

Regarding the comments in yesterday's post stating that certain stores are very ok with trans shoppers...

FWIW, here is a list of places I have shopped in the past year for women's clothing en femme or openly en homme* without a hassle. In many cases, store personnel (both male and female) gave me personal attention and helped me find what I was looking for (and even what I wasn't looking for).

Ann Taylor
Avenue
Banana Republic
bebe
Claire's
Deb
Dressbarn
Famous Footwear
Fashion Bug
JCPenney
Jessica McLintock
Kohl's
Lane Bryant
LOFT
Macy's
Nine West
Nordstrom
Payless
Sears
Sephora
Talbots
The Limited
Torrid
Victoria Secrets

* By "openly en homme," I mean I was open about the fact that I was shopping for women's clothing for myself and tried on women's clothing in the store's dressing room.

Shopping at the Barn

Out en femme last Tuesday, I bought three pairs of leggings at Macy's. When I took my leggings home, I realized that I needed a new top or two to wear with my leggings, so I added tops to my to-buy list for the next time I go shopping.

I also noticed that I the majority of my dresses are blacks, grays, and browns, so I also added "colorful dresses" to my to-buy list.

Today, I realized that in two weeks and two days, I will be traveling to Dayton for the Hamvention and time was a'wasting to buy clothes for the trip.

So at lunch time, I grabbed my to-buy list and my Dress Barn dressbarn scratch-off discount coupon and went shopping at the Barn in boy mode.

Saleslady Laura did not bat an eye when I told her I was shopping for myself and she helped me pick out a slew of tops and dresses to try on and that I did.

After tryong on about six tops and eight dresses, two tops and four dresses made the initial cut.

I eliminated one top because I thought it was too pricey and too see-through and I eliminated one dress (navy blue with white polka dots) because it was not "colorful."

My scratch-off coupon only saved me 15%, but I did qualify for a free journal.

Here is what I bought:

Floral Cardigan and Tank Duet (top left). Gracing a tropical wash of watercolors, lacy silver-flecked blooms taper off into ruffling lace-trimmed sleeves and a fluid pointed hem. Attached lace-trimmed tank. Short tiered sleeves. Pointed hem.

I think this duet will go nicely with my black leggings that have lace on the hem.

Collared Floral Dress (top right). Circled by a bright buttoned collar, summery shades of peonies and apple blossoms bloom atop the panels that ring the neck of this shift. 41" length from shoulder to hem. Nonfunctional button on collar. Center back zip.

This dress is so cute; it just skims the top of my knees.

Abstract Cap-Sleeve Dress (bottom left).Gentle gathers crisscross at the bust of a cap-sleeve sheath covered in abstract confetti of watery hues that ripple into a fluid skirt.44" from shoulder to hem. Lined bodice, light shoulder pads. Pull over.

The photo does not do this dress justice. It is hugs my figure, covers my knees (yeah - I know - unheard of), and the color looks great on me.

Bordered Abstract Dress and Bolero Duet (bottom right). This flared frock's leafy splashes of color are complemented by a matching grosgrain ribbon belt and bright bolero. 44" length from shoulder to hem. Hidden back zip with hook-and-eye at top on dress. Fully lined dress; elbow-length sleeves on sweater.

This dress is probably my favorite purchase of the day. The skirt of the dress flares out more than the photo indicates and it looks so good without the bolero, I wear the dress without it.

Now I think I am all set for Dayton except for packing.

New Yearbook Femulations

I just uploaded 23 new high school yearbook images (care of Starla) to the Yearbooks collection on flickr.

Questions

Wednesday's post about participating in a transgender Q and A session with college students in two human sexuality classes raised some questions from my friend Meg of Call Me Meg fame.

***

Meg asked: Are you really surprised when you get Ma'am'd?

Being called "Ma'am" does not surprise me. It did pleasantly surprise me the first few times, but now I expect it and yet it is always nice to hear in an affirming way. (Even better is being Miss'd; the guy selling pizza at the student center on Tuesday called me "Miss" ...taht brought a smile to my face.)

Being called "Ma'am" or "Miss" can be taken a few ways:

- I passed as a woman.

- The person who called me "Ma'am" or "Miss" did not look close enough to figure out that I was not a genetic woman.

- The person who called me "Ma'am" or "Miss" figured me out, but was trying to sell me something, so they wanted to stay in my good graces by addressing me as feminine rather than masculine.

- The person who called me "Ma'am" or "Miss" figured me out, but respected my gender presentation and addressed me as feminine rather than masculine.

A funny story: When I went to work in office girl drag on Halloween a few years ago, shortly after getting to the office, my pantyhose began running like crazy! I don't know if they were defective or I was careless, but by 10 AM, I had three runs that were getting bigger by the minute. I wanted to look my best for the costume contest, so I left the building for a few minutes and drove to a nearby CVS to buy a new pair.

I parked the car and walked into CVS passing a handful of people who paid me no mind. I entered the store and to avoid causing a commotion, I went to the first salesgirl I saw and explained that I ran the pantyhose of my Halloween costume and needed a new pair.

"Hosiery is in aisle eight, Ma'am," she replied, unfazed by my Halloween costume hint.

I guess I was not going to cause a commotion, so I went to aisle eight, picked out a pair, then I went to the register where the same salesgirl rang me up without a clue.

Now, here is the amazing part. I never used a femme voice. I spoke in my normal male voice, which is admittedly soft-spoken, but definitely male. Go figure!

***

Meg asked: When you're out, has anyone used the wrong pronoun or the wrong salutation? I mean ever? And I bet that's something your fans in general would like to know. It's a great confidence-builder to know that the world is more accepting than we think.

I can honestly say to the best of my failing memory that I have never been wrong pronouned unless it was in a situation where the person using the wrong pronoun knew I was trans and did not know how I preferred to be addressed.

For example, in the classroom, the students know we are trans and sometimes address us with the wrong pronoun. Often they ask how we want to be addressed and they try hard to follow our wishes once they learn what we prefer.

Another example: Over 10 years ago, I was attending a trans convention (First Event in Waltham, Mass.) and I checked into the hotel dressed en femme, yet the woman at the front desk addressed me as "Sir." It irked me at the time, but in retrospect, she probably did not know any better.

Unless someone knows you are trans and not aware of the proper etiquette, the average person is not going to take a chance and offend you by addressing incorrectly if they are not sure of your gender. They will err to the side of caution. If you present as a woman, they will usually treat you as a woman. On the other hand, if you present as a man in a dress, all bets are off. 


***

Meg asked: You used to say you "crossdressed." What do you tell the students now? Do you tell them you'd go 24/7 if circumstances allowed? Or that you'd transition if you could?

When I started participating in outreach, I said I was a "plain vanilla crossdresser" ...whatever that means.

If my memory serves me correctly, from the start I also always said I would live as a woman 24/7 if I could, which kind of contradicts my "plain vanilla crossdresser" self-identification.

For a few years now, I have been saying that I am transgender and "probably transsexual."

Regarding transition, I say I would skip the surgery (why mess with my 61-year-old body now?), maybe do hormones, and definitely get permanently depilitated.

***

Any more questions? 

Sold on Insolia

Hour 5

Earlier this month, I mentioned here that Jen recommended Insolia shoe inserts, which allow "her to dance the night away in 4-inch stilettos."

Jen, online reviews, and other customer comments on the Insolia website were very convincing, so I ordered a set of inserts and had an opportunity to test them when I spent the day en femme on Tuesday.

I chose my Nine West red and black patent Mary Janes for the test. Previously, my feet screamed for relief after about four hours in those shoes, so I figured they would be a good test shoe for the Insolia inserts. (I also brought along a pair of comfortable heels in case I needed them.)

I am happy to report that the inserts worked. I wore the Nine West Mary Janes for over nine hours on Tuesday; I was able to walk as normally in Hour 9 as I had in Hour 1 with only some annoying pain in Hour 9 that did not exist in Hour 1.

Yes, my feet hurt after nine hours, but the pain was not disabling as it was in the past wearing those 4-inch heels for only four hours.

I look forward to using the inserts in my other favorite heels, especially heels that had been more foot friendly in the past than the Mary Janes. I bet I will easily break the 9-hour mark in those heels.

Fulfilling Day Out En Femme

My friend Diana taking a break
from trans Q&A at SCSU yesterday

My primary purpose for going out en femme on Tuesday was to participate in a transgender question and answer session with students in two afternoon human sexuality classes at Southern Connecticut State University.

Before driving to New Haven, I wanted to shop for new clothes for my Dayton trip next month.

I dressed up for the trans Q&A --- a little over the top for shopping --- but very presentable for the two classes. I wore my favorite dress (a sleeveless black and white print) and my favorite shoes (the Nine West red and black patent Mary Janes). I also wore my red ShoeDazzle bag and minimal jewelry... a watch that turned out to be useless because I discovered too late that the watch's battery was losing its life. I also wore my black sweater coat --- it was a beautiful spring day, but it was very windy, so I needed something to cover my bare shoulders.

I arrived at the mall at 10 and looked for leggings in Macy's. I found a handful on a rack in the hosiery department, but only one that may have fit if it was something I was interested in buying (I was not).

Having looked to see what was available on the Macy's website, I knew that there had to be more to select from somewhere else in the store, so I searched the racks in the Misses' department, came up empty-handed and asked a saleswoman where I might find leggings. She directed me to the hosiery department!

Instead of wasting my time in hosiery, I searched the racks in the Women's department and was not having much luck until saleslady Simone asked if I needed assistance. She showed me where the leggings were racked, helped me find my size, and escorted me to the dressing room. She checked up on me a couple of times while I was trying on the leggings and fetched additional pairs for me to try on. I bought three black pairs, one with stirrups, one with lace at the hem and one with zippers at the hem.

Next, I visited JCPenney to peruse their dress racks. I took six dresses to the dressing room. Some did not fit and the ones that did fit, I did not like how they looked on me. Time was running out, so I did not have time to look for anything else to try on and I returned to my car for the 30-minute trip to the university in New Haven.

I arrived about 20 minutes early for class, got Ma'am'd by the guard at the parking lot kiosk and found an empty parking spot right next to the classroom building. I was joined by five other trans-folks, two female-to-males (Dylan and Quinton) and three male-to-females (Diana, Maryann, and Michelle), all who I have done trans Q&A with before.

As in the past, we started by giving the class our bios in a nutshell, then we took questions.

Not much new on the question front --- we heard most of them (or a variation thereof) before. How did you choose your femme name? How do civilians react to you? Which bathroom do you use? Is your family supportive? But there was one question asked of me that was unique. Ater someone asked me a question I've heard before: What do I do if a man tries hit on me? (Answer: I point out my wedding ring), someone else asked me a new question: Has a lesbian ever hit on me? (Answer: Yes, a few times). 

And as usual, we discovered that most students were under the impression that all transgenders are gay and as usual, we tried to dispel that notion.

Between classes, we hung back in the student center and had a bite to eat. I had a slice of pizza that disagreed with me. So much so that I was unsure about going out for dinner with Diana and Maryann after class. We planned to go to Outback after outreach. When we left the university, I told them that if I felt up to it, I would meet them there.

I had a 35-minute ride to Outback to decide if I was feeling better or take the exit for home.

Funny thing... whenever I drive home from these classes in New Haven, the timing is such that I pass right by my workplace at the end of the workday and I always expect to see someone from work drive by and maybe recognize my car, which is very recognizable.

That's what happens when you hold on to your car for a long time --- you and your car become one and people recognize you because they recognize your car. To add to the potential of being recognized, I have my ham radio call sign on my license plate. But so far, I have not run into anyone from work and if anyone has seen me, no one has mentioned it to me.

As I approached the exit for home, I felt better and I was hungry, so I decided to go meet the girls at Outback. The parking lot was full and I had to make a complete tour of the premises before I found an empty spot. I noticed that Diana's red Prius was conspicuously absent from the parking lot and she should have been there already because she passed me on the highway 15 minutes earlier.

I went in and asked the woman staffing the entrance to the restaurant if my friends ("two very tall mature women") had arrived. She said no one like that had shown up yet, so she seated me at a booth and I waited.

After ten minutes or so, I got up and walked around the restaurant to make sure they were not seated elsewhere. They were not, so I returned to my booth and ordered a "Filet Wedge Salad"... a salad with slices of "grilled petite filet." It was delicious.

It was lonely eating alone. I wish I had brought something to read. So, I people-watched an enjoyed my dinner.

Turns out that Diana had a conference call at 6:30 PM and she cancelled plans with Maryann as they walked through the parking lot at the university because she thought she would not get out of the restaurant in time to make the call.

After dinner, I returned home after a long, tiring, but fulfilling day out en femme.

EEOC Ruling Protects Transgender Employees

"The Equal Employment Opportunities Commission (EEOC) issued a ruling on Monday that provides protection from workplace discrimination for transgender individuals. The ruling holds that Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which prohibits discrimination against employees or job applicants on the basis of race, gender, color, religion, and national origin, should be applied to transgender individuals."

(source: Ms. Magazine Feminist Wire Newsbriefs)

I'm So Tired

I'm so tired, I just got home and it is late, so I will write about my day out en femme tomorrow.

A Monday Mix

Crossing Over

Jessica of Jessica Who fame invited me to write a guest post for her blog. My guest post appears there today.

Outreach Tuesday

Tuesday afternoon, I will participate in a transgender question and answer session with students in two human sexuality classes at Southern Connecticut State University.

Blogger App

I have the Blogger app on my iPod Touch, but have found it frustrating to use. I am aware of other blogging apps, but don't want to buy a pig in a poke. So can anyone suggest a better app for accessing Blogger via an iPod Touch?

Standards of Care for Womanless Events Revisited

After reading your comments concerning the Femulate Standards of Care for Womanless Events, I want to revisit the standards.

Some of you suggested additions to the standards, which I have added to the modified standards below.

Others misunderstood the purpose of the standards. They are merely a suggestion of what we consider is good femulation for a womanless event. It is not a check-off list that I will use to determine whether or not I write about a particular womanless event in this blog. If I did that, there may be only one or two events per year that would make the cut.

Sadly, we cannot separate the wheat from the chaff. In order to appreciate those femulations that meet our lofty standards, we will have to put up with hair in all the wrong places, oversized tops and bottoms, flip-flops, bare feet, etc.

Anyway, here is the updated Femulate Standards of Care for Womanless Events.

- No facial hair

- No visible body hair including underarm hair

- Heels only - or at least, female dress shoes - no bare feet, flip-flops, beach sandals, or male footwear

- Normal-sized busts and derreires – no exaggerations

- Makeup is a must, but not an outlandish or clown-like application

- Naturally colored and styled hair or wig - no wild wig colors and styles

- No coconut bras and no grass skirts

- Nicely manicured or false nails and polished toenails

- Tasteful earrings, necklace, and bracelets

- Hosiery - pantyhose or tights

- If you need a girdle, then wear a girdle

Back Problems En Femme

The Tall

It has been three months since I updated the Famous Females of Height ist! This time, I add two tall television actresses and two taller fashion models to the list.

5'8" – Casey Wilson - actress – television, Happy Endings

5'9" – Krysten Ritter - actress – television, Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23
5'10" – Irina Shayk – model

5'10" – Natalia Vodianova – model (see photo)

I Want To Be a Drag Queen When I Grow Up

From Mail Online, 'He gets bullied but he's determined to be a performer': Proud mother tells of 14-year-old son's drag queen ambitions

Here is the rest of the story about a British teen's desire to trip the light fantastic in sequins, heels, and big hair.

I never uttered those thoughts when I was growing up, but I dreamed about taking the train into The City and apprenticing with a troupe of female impersonators.

At the time, I thought that my vocation would not sit well with my family, so I it remained a dream. However, in retrospect, I think my Mom would have been as supportive as the mother of Tom/Tamara. And my Mom was a great seamstress; ooh --- the fabulous outfits she would have created for me!

And so it goes (or so it went).

Standards of Care for Womanless Events

Gina sent me her personal criteria for what constitutes a “good “ womanless event. I mulled over her criteria; modified it slightly and added to it.

Here is what we came up with: the Femulate Standards of Care for Womanless Events.

- No facial hair

- No visible body hair including underarm hair

 - Heels only - or at least, female dress shoes - no bare feet, flip-flops, beach sandals, or male footwear

 - Normal-sized busts and derreires – no exaggerations

- Makeup is a must, but not an outlandish or clown-like application

- Naturally colored and styled hair or wig - no wild wig colors and styles

- No coconut bras and no grass skirts

- If you need a girdle, then wear a girdle

So, girls, those are your marching orders --- get gorgeous!

Yearbook Femulations

As I mentioned here before, Starla regularly sends me clippings of femulations from online school yearbooks.

Today, I uploaded all 951 of her clippings to flickr, organized them, and opened the collection to the public.

This is the link to the collection. There is also a link to the collection in the left sidebar of this blog.

There are 25 sets in the collection; one set for each letter of the alphabet except X, which is a little ironic. The files are organized according to school name and include the school's location and the date of the yearbook the image came from. There are a few unknowns in the collection; if you can provide any of the missing information, please let me know.

Starla sends me new clippings frequently, so you can expect the collection to grow.

Play Ball

The baseball season is underway and I am finally catching the baseball bug again after swearing off the game last fall.

Watching Moneyball the other night got me in the mood and I took a break from doing taxes to watch a few innings of the Red Sox game on Sunday. I am also looking forward to the festivities surrounding the 100th anniversary of my favorite baseball venue on Friday.

On the baseball femulation front...

I loved playing baseball as a kid --- I could hit the ball a mile, but I threw "like a girl" and I ran so slowly you'd think I was wearing a tight skirt and heels.

I'd like to wear a tight skirt and heels to a game someday.

In the meantime, feast your eyes on the lovely lady in the accompanying photo; she is Mickey Mantle's nephew, Kelly Mantle.

Two Weird Ones

I often search eBay looking for images that depict femulation.

Occasionally, some of the images I find are so weird that I cannot figure out what was the intention of the image or what was the image actually depicting.

I came across two such images during my eBay search this week.

Here is the first one.

It is a postcard from the 1930s or 1940s. Both persons are wearing male clothing except for their shoes, which are women's high heel pumps. The person on the right is wearing what looks like a Zoot suit. Both persons have male haircuts and both look like they are wearing makeup. "Myrtle" is folding a handkerchief, which I assume is object referred to in the text "I Know What It's For."

My guess is that the postcard depicts two female-to-male crossdressers getting ready to go out and one is telling the other that she knows what a handkerchief is for.

Does anyone have a better idea what this is all about?

The second image that baffled me this week is a photograph from the UK circa 1920.

It depicts a group of men in white dresses, hosiery, and shoes. They have men's haircuts that have been feminized by combing the hair over their ears.

The seller on eBay states that the outfits may be "women's tennis clothes," but I see no evidence of tennis equipment.

I have no clue about what this image depicts --- do you?

Teen Pageant

Cheryl e-mailed me links to photos and videos from the 2012 Groovy Teen Pageant, which occurred at Glenvar High School in Salem, VA, on March 2.

Some of the femulations were so good that there may be a few future Miss Universe contestants in that group.

This link includes photos and videos of the pageant. 

This link has photos only. 

An aside...

When I was in school, I was unaware of womanless pageants. And even if I had the opportunity to participate in one, I think I would have been too self-conscious to do so and out myself in the process.

Which reminds me of Spanish class...

In my high school, they held an annual "Spanish Night," costume party for all the students who took Spanish. The theme of the costumes was something Spanish.

One day in class a few days before the party, my Spanish teacher asked me if I was planning on wearing a seniorita costume. I guess she picked up on my femininity and decided to tease me about it.

I had no plans to wear a seniorita costume. Instead, I dressed as a Cuban revolutionary in military fatigues, Ridgeway cap, fake beard, and cigar. My costume was a big hit.

Another boy did show up in bad seniorita drag. He was a shy, quiet kid and I sensed that he regretted his costume choice. I wonder whatever became of him/her.

Eye Contact

When I started going out en femme, I avoided eye contact by wearing dark sunglasses... indoors!

I recall wearing dark sunglasses while shopping in a strip mall with another more experienced T-girlfriend. When we left the store, my girlfriend told me to ditch the sunglasses because everyone in the store was looking at me. Next store sans sunglasses, my girlfriend reported that I blended in better and she did not notice anyone looking at me.

So I stopped wearing sunglasses indoors, but I made a great effort to avoid eye contact.

The problem is that it is difficult to avoid making eye contact. Even if you make a concerted effort to avoid eye contact, you will find yourself inadvertently catching someone's eye. When this occurs, you may avert your eyes, but that is a mistake because the other person is going to notice your eye aversion and may wonder what's going on. They may take a closer look at you and try to figure out why you averted your eyes and while they are taking a closer look, they may discover clues that give away the fact that you are femulating.

That happened to me a number of times. I inadvertently made eye contact, quickly averted my eyes and then noticed the other person checking me out from head to toe.

I learned my lesson. Instead of avoiding eye contact, I now make eye contact. And I do it with a smile. Most times, the other person will return the smile and even say, "Hello."

They assume that I am just another woman out and about because my mannerisms are not giving them any clues that will make them suspicious. Sure, my Amazonian appearance may give them clues, but at least I am not giving myself away with my mannerisms.

Next time you are out en femme, make eye contact and see how it works for you.

Looking Ahead

At the end of April, I will be speaking/outreaching en femme at two Human Sexuality classes.

I also may be doing the same at one or two Abnormal Psychology classes before the end of the spring semester.

Next month, I will spend four days en femme (24/7) traveling to and from Dayton, Ohio and attending the Hamvention there.

In early June, I may attend my law school's reunion. I say "may" because so far, only three people from my class have signed up for the event. And I only know one of the three. So, at this point in time, it wouldn't be much of a reunion for me. But there is still time for that situation to improve.

After that, summer means fun!

Miss Universe Pageant To Allow Transwomen

NEW YORK -- Transgender women will be allowed to participate in the Miss Universe beauty pageant next year, officials announced Tuesday, a week after they ruled a trail-blazing 23-year-old could vie for the crown this year.

Pageant officials said they are working on the language of the official rule policy change but expected final word to come soon. Trials for next year's Miss Universe pageant begin this summer.

You can read the rest of the story here on The Huffington Post.

This is old news; I began hearing reports about this last week, but I just had a thought about it today when reading the above quoted HuffPost article.

Will the amended Miss Universe rules allowing transwomen to participate in the pageant be all-inclusive? That is, will pre-ops and no-ops, as well as post-ops be included?

Just a thought.

A Man's Got To Do What A Man's Got To Do

No Bonnet, Just Ears

Happy Easter!

Death in the Family

My aunt died yesterday.

She had been very sick for a long time, but things got complicated over the weekend and she was hospitalized earlier this week. Everyone figured that she would never leave the hospital alive and they were correct. I planned to visit her tomorrow morning, but that was too late.

My aunt could have been a fashion model. She was tall and thin and had high cheekbones. People said she resembled Lauren Bacall.

She never married and never owned a car, so she had some expendable income, which she used to dress to the nines.

In the 1950s and 1960s, she was a fashion plate. In that era, I never saw her wear anything but a dress and high heels and often a hat and white gloves.

I don't know about her other nieces, but my aunt's fashion sense had a great influence on me.

Rest in peace, Aunt A.

How High?

Another Update: Here is a link to the full version of original article. Seems like the first time you visit that link, the full article shows up, but subsequent visits asks you to subscribe. The website must be setting a cookie, so read it the first time and don't click back.

Update: The link I included here yesterday worked for me, but not for you! I just updated the link and hope it works for you this time.

High heels seem to be the theme this week.

Hot on the heels of two shoe posts here, The Wall Street Journal has an article today titled "Pushing High Heels to the Limit."

The article considers the question, "How high can a killer heel go—without killing your feet?"

Here is a link to the article which "will be available to non-subscribers of the Online Journal for up to seven days." So read it now or regret missing it later.

Thank you Sandy and Wertand for alerting me to this article.

Finding a Sole Mate

At the banquet Saturday night, Jen and I were discussing our love of high heels and she mentioned that she uses a shoe insert that allows her to dance the night away in 4-inch stilettos.

I have tried shoe inserts in the past and have not been impressed, but Jen swears by the ones she uses and she e-mailed me the link to the product website.

At the website, I learned that Insolia Inserts are different from the inserts I have tried (and discarded). Instead of adding padding to the shoe, which is basically what those other shoe inserts do, "Insolia Inserts shift weight off of the ball of the foot back to the heel by placing the foot in the optimal position for high heels."

Jen's recommendation, customer comments on the website, and this review convinced me try them. So I placed an order and will let you know how they work out next time I go out en femme.

Test

Testing the Blogger app on my new iPod Touch.

High Heels As Good Medicine

My neuroma had not bothered me much since the doctor gave me a shot last summer, but it started acting up about two weeks ago. Everyday there was annoying pain around the fourth toe of my left foot.

It was not debilitating, just annoying. Twice a day for two weeks, I applied a prescribed ointment on the toe to ease the pain, but it would not go away completely.

Before I slipped on my pantyhose and high heels Saturday night, I gave the toe a double dose of the ointment and my toe was free of pain throughout the banquet despite wearing six-inch platform heels for seven hours.

Sunday morning, the pain was still absent and has been absent ever since. Go figure.

I am now penning an article for the The New England Journal of Medicine suggesting that six-inch platform pumps are a possible cure for neuroma. (Only kidding!)

From My Room

After Prepping and Primping

Prepping and Primping

Saturday night, I attended the annual banquet of the Connecticut Outreach Society at the Four Points By Sheraton in Meriden, CT.

After I woke up Saturday morning, I began getting ready by attacking the hair on my legs, arms, shoulders, back, and breasts with Nair, while avoiding the armpits, neckline, and nipples, which I learned the hard way do not get along with Nair. After Nair removal, I attacked those other parts with a gel shaving cream and manual Gillette Fusion razor.

After completing body hair removel, I ran my normal Saturday errands until 2 PM, when I returned to prepping for the evening out en femme.

It began with a close shave of my face and neck using a gel shaving cream and the Fusion razor, followed by a moisturizer, primer, and powder foundation.

Next, I sculpted my cheekbones and added blush.

I removed stray eyebrow hairs and used an eyebrow pencil to fill in and shape my brows.

I used a new smokey eyeshadow quad from Avon and was very happy with the results. Then I topped off my eyes with a black powder eyeliner and Avon's new "SuperExtend Extreme" mascara.

The night before, I watched The Seven Year Itch on TCM and decided I would femulate Marilyn Monroe's red lip color by using a red lipliner and red lipstick.

After making up my face, I sprayed it with a makeup setting mist.

Six hours later, I was done.

Only kidding. It actually took about an hour to makeup my face, which is about a third of the time longer than normal, but I wanted everything to be perfect for Saturday night.

Next, I slipped on my wig, and worked on my hairdo. 

Hair set and sprayed, I then dressed: a Spanx wannabe below my breasts and a strapless bra over them, nude pantyhose, and my to-die-for evening gown. Accessories included pearl earrings and bracelet, a glitzy silver/black purse, and a black silk scarf wrap.

I put on Kiss stick-on nails and Chanel No. 9, snapped a few photos, and left home at about 5 PM.

Checking-In with My Fashion Consultant

For the drive to the hotel, I wore slingback three-inch heels, but at the hotel, I slipped on my ShoeDazzle satin peep-toe platform pumps with ankle strap and rhinestone-dotted 1-inch platform and 6-inch heel.

My good friend (and fashion consultant) Patty wanted to see my outfit, so I stopped at her house and let her see what I had wrought. She was impressed.

We chatted awhile, then I left to continue my journey to the hotel two miles away.

The hotel parking lot was nearly full, but I found a spot and then spent about ten minutes switching shoes, which is not easy to do in the confines of a Subaru Outback.

Despite the full lot of cars, there were no humans outside or inside except for the transwomen staffing the banquet check-in table outside the ballroom.

Checking-In at the Hotel

Ham radio sister Melissa was checking in when I arrived, so we caught up on our recent pasts, I bugged her to take my picture (more than once), and we sat at the same table along with old trans girlfriends Laura (nee Wendy), Alice, Alice's spouse Doris, Michelle, and new trans girlfriends Denise and Idano.

I bought a drink and socialized with old friends and new: Deja, Diana, Jan, Janice, and Sylvia. I also met three girls who attended the event because they read about it in this blog: Diane from Long Island, Stacey from New Haven and her girlfriend Jen, who lives just down the road from me (small world!).

After 90 minutes of hobnobbing with many of the 54 attendees, we sat down to eat. The meal was typical hotel fare, but it did not matter much to me because I eat like a bird when I am girdled.

Freshening Up in the Ladies' Room
After My Act of Sheer Folly

My Act of Sheer Folly

After dinner, there were awards for deserving members of the support group, a comedienne who laughed at her own jokes, and the annual Follies.

In the past, four to six people usually performed in the Follies, but lately it has been just Deja and me. She sings and plays guitar (both very well) and I lipsync (just so-so).

This year it was just Deja and me again, but instead of lipsyncing I decided to sing The Beach Boys song "In My Room."

I wrote about that song earlier this year.

"If ever there was a song about teen transgender angst, 'In My Room' was it. I am sure Brian Wilson did not have crossdressers in mind when he wrote the song, but almost any youth with gender issues could identify with the lyrics of that song."

I own The Beach Boys Stack-O-Tracks album, which contains the instrumental tracks (no vocals) to 15 of their hits including "In My Room," so I had the perfect musical accompaniment to my not-so-perfect singing voice.

I copied the song onto my iPod over a month ago and began practicing during my daily commute. After a few days of that, I concluded that singing that song with my inadequate voice would bore the audience, so I decided to change the lyrics to make it more interesting.

After a few writing attempts, I came up with new lyrics and I practiced every day even during my drive to the banquet Saturday night. But as I sat waiting for the comedienne to finish her act, I began to get stage fright. Going over the lyrics in my head, they suddenly did not sound right. I was close to breaking out in a cold sweat when Deja called me up to the front of the dance floor to perform.

I pulled myself together and was ready to give it a go, but then there was a malfunction with the DJ's equipment. She could not get audio from the track I had given her and suggested using the karaoke version of the song, which she had on hand.

I was unsure about using the karaoke version, but I had no other choice, so being a trooper, I said, "On with the show." But then she discovered the error of her ways and got my track to work. I was relieved and sang my heart out with the following lyrics:

     There's a world where I can go and try on women's clothes,
     In my room, in my room.

     In this world I wear a bra and support pantyhose,
     In my room, in my room.

     Do my hair up and my makeup, even shave my gams,
     Do my nails, wear high heels, I'll look very glam.

     Now it's dark and I can sneak out dressed just like my Mom
     From my room, from my room...

I got laughs from the audience after singing the very first line. That knocked the stage fright out of me and I received a nice applause at the end.

The Rest of the Story

Deja sang three songs after me, then the DJ played requests and the boys and girls danced the night away.

I talked the night away instead and had a wonderful time connecting with old and new friends.

Fashion Note 1: I had no trouble walking in the six-inch heels, but a few times, standing in place, I had to catch myself from falling forward. No - I was not inebriated; I had one alcoholic drink the whole night.

Fashion Note 2: I had more trouble getting tangled up in the long skirts of my evening gown. Despite that, I received a lot of compliments regarding the gown.

I did not wear a watch and was very surprised when I asked the time and found out it was 12:15 AM. Shortly after, I said my goodbyes and drove home.

I so enjoy being a girl.

In My Room

That's me singing my version of "In My Room" at the Connecticut Outreach Society's annual banquet last night. My thanks to the lovely Jan Brown for the photo.

I will post a full report here about last night's adventure real soon now.

Going Out

After I post this, I will begin getting en femme for the Connecticut Outreach Society's banquet tonight.

I promise to post photos and words about tonight in a day or two.

My Prom

In school, I did not date much. I interacted easily with girls on a day-to-day basis, but when it came to dating, I did not interact successfully.

Looking back four decades later, I realize that interacting with girls on a day-to-day basis was easy because I was so feminine, I was really a girl. However, dating girls was difficult because I had to act like a male and that was so foreign to me that I was lousy at it.

When I attended my high school's prom, my sister had to set me up with her best friend as my date. That date went fine because I already knew my sister's friend well; it was as if we were two girls out on a date. The only problem was that one girl had to wear a tuxedo.

I have been trying to make up for that wardrobe disfunction ever since.

I consider my support group's annual banquet as my do-over prom. It gives me an opportunity to dress to the nines in the correct wardrobe and be a prom queen for one night.

My do-over prom is Saturday night and you bet I am looking forward to it.

Battle of the Reversed Sexes

In the fashion world, you have males dressing like females and females dressing like males.

Now the twain have met: feminized males interacting with masculinized females.

 A new fashion shoot, titled "Battle of the Sexes" pits a male model in womenswear against a female model in menswear.

You can read all about it and see a slideshow of the shoot at The Huffington Post.

Wardrobe Shift

Found this postcard from the UK on eBay. Postmarked 1913, it depicts a startling contrast in his and her clothing before and after marriage.

Haste Makes Waste

The last few days have been very hectic (don't ask), and as a result, my haste has laid waste to this blog.

In Monday's post, the title should have been "Like MacArthur" (as in Douglas MacArthur) not "Like MacArthr."

In Sunday's post, a key sentence never made it into the published post, although it did appear in the draft. My two cents worth should have been prefaced with the following: "There are two ways of looking at this:"

I corrected both errors.

By the way, I would have said more about the Miss Universe Canada flap in Sunday's post if I had remembered that Donald Trump owns that pageant. On the other hand, if you can't say anything nice about someone, don't say anything at all, so I guess it all worked out.

The lady in today's The Femulated spot needs a little introduction. She is Anne N and according to her e-mail, "I have been a TG person since I was born, my mother brought me up as a girl until the age of five, then I had to go to boy's school. Believe me that was one of my first traumas in life. I have a Master's degree in Engineering, a major's commission in the military, been married three times and I am gay. My profile is on Flickr and Yahoo."

Anne just celebrated her 79th birthday and sent me some current photos "to show the younger generation of TV people that one can still look reasonable although they are ageing. ...one can age gracefully, without miniskirts and fishnet stocking."

Happy Birthday, Anne.

Like MacArthur

Michelle was one of the founders of my support group. She was very active in the group for the better part of two decades holding down a variety of elected and unelected positions in the organization including the always difficult program chairperson role.

A half dozen years ago, her attendance at support group meetings became became irregular and eventually she stepped back from having any active positions in the organization. The last time I saw her was at the support group's annual banquet a three or four years ago.

She just faded away.

Last week, there was an announcement on the support group's e-mail list that Michelle had died. I assume that the only reason we found out about her passing is that one of our members had a professional relationship with Michelle's male side, so she knew Michelle's male name and saw the obituary in the newspaper.

Typically, that does not happen. In most cases involving transgenders who live part time as men and part time as women, we do notir know their male names. When they die, their obituaries never mention their female names nor the fact they were transgenders. So we never know when they pass on.

Over the years, I have met a lot of older transgenders. Most of them were just acquaintances; a few were more than that, but most of them just faded away. I assumed they became ill and or died, but I'll never know.

It is sad. Old transgenders never die, they just fade away. 

My Two Cents' Worth

Jenna Talackova

Somebody (Alyssa) asked, so here are my two cents' worth on the disqualification of a transwoman from the Miss Universe Canada  pageant.

There are two ways of looking at this:

1. She broke the rules, so her disqualification was justified.

2. Being transgender, she is a "naturally born female," so her disqualification was not justified.

And so it goes.

Stana Has a Random Moment

If you are stuck in a wardrobe rut, Ginger Burr has a solution on her Nurturing Beauty Style Secrets Blog today: 3 Key Steps to Creating Visual Interest in an Outfit.

I don't have a middle name, but I kind of like the name Jacqueline. I came up with that after a woman at the True Colors Conference last Saturday said that the dress I wore looked like something Jacqueline Kennedy would have worn. I like that.

Over on The Huffington Post, Greg Voakes writes that a "Study Finds Increasing Support for Transgender Rights in the U.S.," which is good news indeed.

Looking forward to a big night out next Saturday when I will get dressed to the nines to attend the annual banquet of the Connecticut Outreach Society. Did I mention that I will be performing during the Follies portion of the banquet? I have lip-synched to tunes in past banquet Follies, but this year I plan to do something completely different. Stay tuned for a full report after the fact.

That was Tina Fey gracing my Wednesday post, Passes with Glasses. I like her glasses so much that I may order a pair like hers from Firmoo.com. By the way, they have a sweet deal for first time buyers: free frames.

Last night I dreamed that I wanted big breasts. Awake, I never desired big breasts, so go figure.

Trans-Thursday

76-year-old model Carmen Dell’Orefice

Thursday was a transday for me even though I was en homme all day long.

Some websites collect information about your Internet habits in order to build a profile that advertisers use to fine tune their ads to you. As a result, when you visit a website that contains advertising, that advertising is for products in your area of interests as determined by your Internet profile.

In my case, my Internet profile sends advertising for women's clothing my way. However, today I reached a new milestone of sorts: an ad directed at me for menopausal leakage pads!

Speaking of menopause and getting old, I recommend reading "How Lucky Will You Be With Aging?" over on the Daily Makeover website.

The article describes seven features that may indicate just how gracefully you might age. Portraits in the attic don't count, but you might be blessed in other ways, so read the article and find out.

Rite Aid has a sale this week on Kiss nails (buy one, get a second for 50% off). So I went to the local Rite Aid today to buy two sets of pre-glued stick-ons.

The cashier was a middle-aged woman like myself and as she rang up my purchase, she remarked, "Doing your nails?"

Although I knew she was joking, I responded, "Yes, they're for me. I do drag."

"You do?"

"Yes, I do. I wish I had a photo to show you."

I don't know if she believed me or not, but I will definitely add a photo of myself en femme to my boy wallet for future encounters with civilians.

Passes with Glasses

Dianne of Dianne in the Provinces fame, passed on “one of the neatest things” she has found: a website for buying eyeglasses online called Firmoo.com. You upload your picture and it lets you "virtually" try on glasses!

Dianne broke her gender neutral spare glasses on a trip and decided it was time for something non-neutral. She picked out a pair that compliments her hair and style and they were a whopping $40!

I know there are other eyeglass websites that do the virtual try-on and have attractive prices (just Google "eyeglasses" and shop around). But since I have no firsthand experience with them, I cannot recommend one, but Dianne seems happy with Firmoo.com, so there you go.

My own eyeglasses are gender neutral, but I have been thinking about getting girly glasses for girl time and going the online route to get them. I will definitely check out Firmoo.com when I do.

Feeling Like a Woman

Aunty Marlena e-mailed me a new batch of womanless events and two of the events were so outstanding in my opinion that I am mentioning them here.

4th Annual Cinderfella Pageant, Deer Park High School, Deer Park, TX.

The femulations are above average and the photography is some of the best I have seen for a womanless event. (I wish all womanless events looked this good!)

2012 Womanless Beauty Pageant, Covington County Hospital, Collins, MS.

Warning: Bearded femulation alert.

Despite a few beards, the femulations are above average and one in particular (see photo) is outstanding.

The Keystone Conference: An Alumni Perspective

By Sally Stone,
Femulate Guest Blogger

The Keystone Conference is a must if you are thinking about attending a TG conference.

This year will be my fourth and I have to tell you, it gets better every year. Like many other conferences, the Keystone offers a chance to be who you want to be in a social setting and offers a wealth of TG information in the form of well-organized seminars and presentations.

I think what really sets The Keystone Conference apart from other TG conferences though is that the organizers, TransCentralPA, have created a most friendly and caring environment. The TransCentralPA team are the quintessential hosts and the first time you meet any one of these wonderful people, you'll instantly feel like you're part of a loving family. For those of you who haven't ever attended a TG conference or a large TG social event, the Keystone Conference is a perfect choice.

If you think you'd like to attend...and I highly encourage it, I'd like to relate some of my own past experiences and provide you with a little insight on how to make the best of your visit.

Firstly, you should stay at the hotel (Harrisburg/Hershey Sheraton, Harrisburg, PA). It is a great facility with a friendly atmosphere that adds immeasurably to the overall experience. When you arrive, you'll be instantly impressed by how friendly and helpful the hotel staff are. They have always been wonderfully attentive whether I check in as Sally or as my male alter ego. They treat us as though we are royalty and they are super savvy when it comes to understanding the TG community. They are so hip that they even get the feminine pronouns right, and that's super customer relations in my book.

During the daytime hours, there will be numerous seminars to attend and vendors to visit. It's great that you can pick and choose whichever topic tickles your fancy. If you are just beginning to explore your inner-self, you might be interested in a topic on makeup application, selecting a wardrobe, or find out how to better express your feminine side. If you like to shop, you'll find the conference vendors offer a shopping mecca. They will cater to your every want and desire and they usually offer great conference discounts, too.

I'd also like to recommend that you don't miss dinner on Friday evening; it's one of my favorite events. The restaurant choices are terrific and it doesn't get any more convenient with a fancy bus ride to the downtown restaurant district.

After dinner, there are a couple of great options for you to consider. If you are a dancer, there will be ample opportunity to hit one of the local dance clubs and you'll have plenty of company because there a lot of dance fanatics in this group. Another option is to catch the bus back to the hotel to socialize in the lounge. The Friday night lounge gathering has become an epic event during the Keystone Conference and it won't disappoint. You'll meet wonderful people, have memorable conversations and be pleasantly surprised how accepting and interactive the non-conference patrons are.

And of course on Saturday evening the conference jewel-in-the-crown is the Gala Dinner and Dance. This event caps off a wonderful week of activities and it's an event you simply cannot miss. The formal starts with a cocktail social where you can chat with friends, make new acquaintances, and show off your finest, formal, feminine attire. The food is great, the guest speaker is always inspiring, and the entertainment is awesome. Afterward, there is plenty of time left for additional socializing. How could a wonderful week of celebrating the diversity of our gender end any better?

The thing about this conference is that you can take things at your own pace. You can ease into the conference or you can hit the ground running. If you are nervous about coming out or if this is your first time, you should consider contacting one of the conference “Helping-Hand” volunteers. They will answer your questions, give you advice, or simply offer a warm and friendly smile. They know what you are feeling and they can help address any fear you might be experiencing. If you need a friend to lean on as you are taking those first steps out of the closet, reach out to a Helping-Hand volunteer by sending an email to: HelpingHand (at) Keystone-Conference.org.

Well, if you haven't already figured it out, I simply love the Keystone Conference. It's the best kind of fun, it's supremely educational, and it's wonderfully memorable. If you have ever wished for a chance to spread your wings and set your inner-self free, go ahead and take that step. I think you'll find the Keystone the perfect event. Let the members of TransCentralPA guide you on an exciting journey of self discovery. There is nothing preventing you from being exactly the girl you've always wanted to be. Attend the Keystone Conference and let your dreams become reality.

If you are thinking of attending the Keystone Conference and you'd like a little more information about what to expect, what to wear, or anything else regarding the event, please feel free to contact me at sally.stone99 (at) gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you and I really look forward to seeing you there.

(The Keystone Conference is in Harrisburg, PA, March 28 - 31, 2012.)

True Colors Conference: The Rest of My Story

I attended the True Colors Conference at my alma mater, UCONN, on Friday.

I was dressed and out the door at 8:40 AM and parked my Subaru in the campus parking garage one hour later.

I walked one block  to the Student Union and although it was a raw day, it seemed as if the sun was shining through the clouds as I passed hundreds of kids dressed in every color of the rainbow.

The vendor and support organization booths were in the Student Union and I quickly found the booth of the Connecticut Outreach Society (COS). I met Janice, who was coordinating the booth and sat next to her to interface with any and all who stopped by.

I worked the booth for about two hours, then took a break to get a cup of coffee. There was a Dunkin' Donuts at the other end of the Union, so that was my destination.

The five minute walk to Dunkin' Donuts took about a 45 minutes because I ran into so many friends and acquaintances along the way. I was surprised how many!

Here is a shout-out to all of them: Angie, Barbara, Diana, Glenn, Holly, Karen, Kelly, Lisa, Lee Ann, Liz, Robin G, Robin M, and Tony.

A lot of trans kids visited our booth. Although COS is intended as a support group for adults, we fielded all the kids' questions and concerns and they seemed to be satisfied customers.

Throughout the day, my Nine West shoes received rave reviews. I lost count how many kids and adults told me, "I love your shoes!"

I wish I could say the same. All was well until about 2 PM when both my feet began to ache. I had a pair of comfortable heels in my car, but I toughed it out by avoiding walking, which was easy to do since I sat at the booth.

Diana and I planned to go to dinner, so we left the Conference around 3 PM and met up at Rein's Deli in Vernon. (I switched to my comfortable heels before leaving the campus and driving to the deli.)

There is a big contrast between the True Colors Conference and Rein's Deli. Whereas the conference was full of TLGB folks and their allies, Rein's was full of civilians, yet we were treated with respect at both venues. None of the staff or other diners at Rein's seemed to give us special notice. Is it because trans are so commonplace and/or accepted in Connecticut that no one pays them any mind or did we blend in so well with the civilians that no one noticed us? I like to think it was the latter, but it is probably a little bit of both.

During the conference, I was talking with another girl about how lucky we were to be living in Connecticut, where diversity is more accepted as well as legally protected. On the other hand, I have never had much trouble anywhere I've traveled en femme, yet I still appreciate living in the Constitution State.

A funny thing about living in Connecticut... when outsiders learn that you are a Connecticut resident, they often think you are rich and live on a multi-acre estate. That is a false impression promulgated by the mass media, particularly Hollywood films.

Yes, there are rich people in Connecticut, just as there are in any other state, but most Connecticut residents are not rich including me. But I digress.

I had one on-the-spot outreach session during the conference. While I was washing my hands and fixing my makeup alone in the ladies' restroom, a high school aged girl walked in and as she passed by, she greeted me with a loud friendly Fonzie-like,  "Eh."

I was surprised by her greeting and was slow with a comeback, but finally replied with, "Eh… it's Friday!"

We exchanged words about how the day was going and then she asked me how I identified.

I responded, "As a woman."

With that she assumed that I was a post-op transsexual and asked me about my surgery and hormone regimen. I enlightened her that I had no surgery and I never took hormones. She admitted that she had just learned something new. (That was the outreach portion of this encounter.)

She then said that I looked "great" and asked my age.

I replied, "Guess" and she immediately responded with "In your 30s."

I told her my age; she was surprised and I was elated.

But thinking back when I was in high school, I recalled that my accuracy at guessing the ages of adults was poor and I am sure most high school kids are in the same boat.

Back then, I ball-parked ages accordion to my relatives' ages. My parents were in their 40s and my grandparents were in their 60s. So according to me, anyone who was not retired and wrinkled was a contemporary of my parents, that is, around 40, whereas anyone who was retired and wrinkled was a contemporary of my grandparents, that is, around 60.

So, I guess that my elation was justified after all.