Just Fabulous!

Wednesday, my plan was to attend a day-long seminar on photograph lighting techniques.

I went en femme wearing an argyle sweater tunic, black leggings, and black booties. I considered wearing black tights without leggings, but the tunic was way too short, so I chose a more modest fashion statement.

I dressed, drove to Hartford, parked my Subaru, and found my way through the Connecticut Convention Center to the ballroom hosting the seminar where I joined approximately 500 other attendees.

If I learned anything from the seminar, I learned that I have a lot to learn!

I sat through the morning session and got very little out of it. It was way over my head. I needed training at a more basic level and this seminar assumed I already had that training.

During the lunch break, I decided it was pointless to continue. The folks running the seminar were speaking English, but it might as well have been a foreign language. So, sitting through four more hours would be fruitless, not to mention extremely boring.

By the way, except for the woman collecting my seminar ticket, not one person spoke to me at the seminar. I exchanged a few hellos and smiles with other women in attendance and I noticed a few guys and gals checking me out, but that was the extent of the interaction with my fellow attendees.

Since I needed a few things for my Fantasia Fair trip next month, I decided to go shopping and I can't think of a better time to go shopping for girly things than when I am dressed like a girly.

My first stop was a strip mall in West Hartford where my favorite clothing and shoe stores reside.

As soon as I walked into Dress Barn, the sales staff recognized that my argyle tunic was theirs and they all complimented my outfit. ("That sweater looks fabulous on you," so said one saleswoman.)

Last time I went to Fantasia Fair, Patty let me borrow a sweater coat that kept me warm during the cool weather in Provincetown. I wanted to get one of my own and I found a black double-breasted shag trim sweater jacket that was a perfect fit.

Dress Barn had a promotion that if you bought one sweater, you could buy a second at 50% off, so I perused their selection of sweater dresses. I found two to try on.

As I walked to the dressing room with my finds, I passed a rack of houndstooth sheath dresses that were oh so Mad Men retro that I had to try one on. The only problem was that they did not have my size. Not to be deterred, I took the largest size on the rack with me to the dressing room and hoped for the best.

A belted purple sweater dress was too tight (and probably too short), so I re-racked it. A gray cable sweater dress was a perfect fit; it showed off my every curve, so it was a keeper.

Finally, I tried on the to-die-for too-small-for houndstooth dress and I was shocked that it fit. Go figure — dress sizes are all over the place; you don't know what will fit until you try it on. That is why I prefer shopping in person en femme.

Anyway, I bought the houndstooth, too, and between the 50% off one sweater dress and a 20% off everything coupon, I only put a small dent in my credit card.

Next stop, was a few doors down from Dress Barn: Payless shoe store. Like dresses, shoe sizes are all over the place, so I was glad to be able to shoe shop in person en femme. I was looking for something comfortable to wear while I traipsed upon the unforgiving cobblestone sidewalks of Provincetown.

Payless had heels in my size, so I had to try them on. One pair was too tight, another pair fit perfectly, but hurt (go figure), and the third pair was just right; when I slipped it on, it was like putting on a bedroom slipper. It was on sale, too, so I anted up and bought the pair (a black "ghillie" slingback).

At the register, the saleswoman asked if I was a member of AAA, which I am and that was worthy of a 10% discount. So, I bought a nice pair of comfortable and fashionable shoes for $18!

(Above are my Dress Barn and Payless purchases.)

I checked my watch and noted that the afternoon was still young and the West Farms Mall was beckoning to me from across the street, so I spun my Subaru over to the mall and started at Nordstrom.

The store was way out there price-wise. Simple dresses cost $350, but I browsed the racks anyway hoping to find something that was marked down (way down).

While I was perusing a rack of cocktail dresses, a saleswoman nearby spoke up, "You're tall. I'm tall, too. How tall are you?"

I said, "Six foot two.'

She replied, "I'm six foot one."

And she engaged me in a discussion about being a tall female. She asked me how I liked being tall ("I love it."). She admitted that she had some difficulties during her school years because of her height, but as an adult, she was happy with her height.

After we exchanged a few more words, I excused myself and headed out the door to greener pastures that go by the name of Jessica McClintock. The store had some drop-dead gorgeous cocktail dresses, but very few in my size. I tried on a green dress reputedly in my size, but it was too too small.

The saleswoman confided that their dresses run small and that my best bet would be something stretchy. She suggested a purple stretch taffeta bustier dress, so I took it to the dressing room and tried it on. It fit and it looked great, but it cost $160, so I did not buy it (I am having non-buyer's remorse today).

(Above is the cocktail dress I did not buy.)

As I prepared to leave the store, the other saleswoman in the store said I looked "fabulous" and the saleswoman I had been dealing with shook her head in agreement.

I thanked them profusely and exited on that positive note.

Next stop was JCPenney, where I tried on five dresses. Some fit, some did not, and none impressed me.

By then, my feet were no longer getting along with my booties, so I decided to call it quits, and rode my Subaru into the sunset.

Needless to say, my day out en femme was "fabulous."

Unlike days out in the past, I went about my business without any hesitation because now I am so very comfortable and confident in my skin. After all, I am a woman, so why shouldn't I be one.

Gone Girly

I did go out en femme today and it was fabulous, but I only have time to leave you with a photo from today. The words will come later, I promise.

That is me seated at the Connecticut Convention Center in Hartford during the seminar lunch break.

Going Girly

Tomorrow I will attend a day-long seminar. I have never been to the seminar's venue, I don't personally know the folks running the seminar, and most likely, I will not know any of the other attendees at the seminar. Being a shy soul, I am anxious facing such unknowns.

And I will be going girly to boot!

Going girly is exciting. I so look forward to it because it gives me an opportunity to be authentic, to be myself, to be the woman I am.

I am sure tomorrow will be another fantastic day on the daylight side of the closet door. My excitement about going girly trumps my anxiety about facing unknowns.

Out Casually

Wednesday, I will attend a seminar in Hartford.

The weather has switched from summer mode to autumn mode here in Southern New England, so I planned to wear a sweater dress to the seminar.

I changed my mind after reading the seminar literature this morning. Under "Dress Code," it read "Casual. Jeans/shorts welcomed."

So, I decided to wear something more casual than a sweater dress; I will wear the argyle tunic (photo right) that I purchased recently at Dress Barn.

It will be a nice day out!

Epilady Anyone?

This morning, as I used a chemical depilator to remove hair from my legs, arms, and breasts for the umpteenth time, I wondered about alternatives like Epilady.

Here are the top three reasons Epilady cites for using their product:

• Results last for up to 4 weeks. Epilating takes about 15-20 minutes per leg, but is only done once a month.

• Hair grows back more slowly, and diminishes over time.

• New hairs grow back softer and lighter – “like a new blade of grass.”

So, what is your experience good or bad with electronic depilators like Epilady?

Please comment below or e-mail me if you prefer. I look forward to reading your views on this subject.

Dream Update

I have not written about my dreams lately, so I just wanted to update you about my nights in Dreamland.

I still seldom remember my dreams after I awake, so there is nothing new to report regarding that.

However, the dreams I do remember are interesting in that I am a woman in all of them. I no longer have dreams about crossdressing; rather my dreams begin and end with me as a woman and everyone else in my dreams acts as if my being a woman was natural.

Gender Stereotypes as an Affirmation

Celina Jacobson alerted me to a new article titled "10 Gender Stereotypes That Science Supports" that appears on the web site she works with.

The premise of the article is that "While on a whole, men and women are very similar both in their brains and in their abilities, there are some stereotypes that have held strong for a reason– because they are very often true. With new research, now there may even be modern medical science to back them up."

The article is an interesting read and I recommend it.

What I discovered personally interesting was that I found myself on the female side of seven of the gender stereotypes. Regarding the three remaining stereotypes, I could fall on either side of the driving skills and pain tolerance stereotypes, whereas I definitely fall on the male side of the drinking prowess stereotype, but I think that has more to do with my size than anything else (I am a big woman).

It all just affirms my belief that I am a woman.

One Thing Leads to Another

Changes

Mother Knows Best

Online with Fantasia Fair

Since I will presenting a workshop at Fantasia Fair next month, a description of my presentation appears here and my bio appears here.

By the way, the workshop description should read:

This workshop describes the care and feeding of a ridiculously popular transgender blog (www.femulate.org) that was once dubbed the "center of the blog universe." Stana, the woman behind the curtain, will reveal the secrets and strategies that made Femulate so successful that it averages nearly 6,000 hits per day. If you want to learn how to blog successfully or just want to hear the amusing trials and tribulations of a successful transgender blogger, be sure to attend this workshop.

I sent the revised description to the Fantasia Fair folks late last week, but due to the holiday weekend, they have not updated the web site yet.

By the way, during the past week, the blog had well over 6,000 hits on two days and one day, the hit count broke the 7,000 mark for a new high!

The success of the blog amazes and humbles me! All I can say is "Thank-you."

Happy Labor Day!

Click on the image to enlarge it.

Stana's Makeup — Part 5

In this last installment, I will describe how I do my lips and the final steps to achieve and maintain my "feminine best" look.

My Lips

To do my lips, I use a lip liner to define the outer edges of my lips, then I fill inside the lip lines with a lip color using a lipstick brush.

Lip color is like eye color, that is, some colors suit me that may not suit you and vice versa, so experiment to see what looks best. Whatever color you choose, the color of your lip liner should be just a few shades darker than your lip color unless you are going for a drag queen look, in which case your lip liner should be many, many shades darker than your lip color. (Yucko!)

Most of the lip liners and lip colors I use are from Avon. I have two shades of a lipstick that Avon discontinued that I love and usually wear these days because the results have a glossy finish without using lip gloss.

1) I use a well-sharpened lip liner pencil to apply lip liner to my upper and lower lips. In either case, I start the line at the middle of the lip and work outwards to the end of the lip line following the curve of my natural lip line.

If you have thin lips like I do, you can make them look bigger by applying the lip liner slightly outside the natural lip line, but don't go overboard because you can end up with clown-like lips (I lost count on how many times I have redone my lips in the past to avoid joining Barnum & Bailey.)

2) To apply lip color, I use a lipstick brush to fill in my lips between the lip liner. A brush provides better coverage where you want the color and avoids putting color where you don't want it, which can occur if you apply lip color directly from a lipstick tube.

3) I close my mouth on a piece of tissue paper to remove any excess.

4) I apply a light coat of translucent powder on my lips. This will hold the color you reapply for a longer period of time.

5) I usually reapply or touch up my lip liner.

6) I reapply my lip color.

7) Sometimes I apply a clear lip gloss over the lip color, but usually, I do not.

The Big Finish

I double check my makeup to make sure I look absolutely gorgeous and make any necessary corrections.

After fixing everything that needs fixing, I use my big powder brush to apply a light coat of translucent loose powder everywhere except on my eye and lip makeup.

Next, I close my eyes and spray a light coat of Makeup For Ever Mist & Fix on my face. Mist & Fix sets and seals the makeup, so you won't have to keep fixing your face the rest of the day.

Finally, I apply Chanel Eau de Cologne No. 22 to each of my pulse points: my wrists, between my breasts, behind my knees, behind my ears, and in the bends of my elbows.

From start to finish, it takes me about 40 minutes to do my makeup, but that is after decades of practice, so your mileage may vary.

No one ever said that being a femulator is easy? But the effort to look your feminine best is worth it!

Stana's Makeup — Part 4

In the previous installments of this series, I described prepping and shaving my face and the first half of my makeup application.

In my hurry to post the previous installment, I left out a step. Please refer to the update in the previous post so you won't miss anything.

In this installment, I will describe how I do my eyes, but before I begin, it is time to talk about tools.

I highly recommend using makeup brushes. The pros only use brushes. To achieve a professional look, you should use brushes, too, so throw away those foam applicators that came with your makeup and buy a good set of brushes (I bought mine from Avon).

While you are acquiring brushes, also buy a pencil sharpener to keep your makeup pencils sharp. (I use this one from Avon.) Always sharpen a pencil before using it to get the best results.

When I do my eyes and lips, I work from the top down (eyebrows, eyes, lips) so that any makeup that falls from the part I am working on will not land on a part of my face that I finished making-up.

My Eyebrows

Over time, I have thinned out my eyebrows to achieve a more feminine look. I used an Avon brow tweezer to remove all the strays above and below my eyebrows. (Avon discontinued the tweezer I use, but you can find eyebrow tweezers in the cosmetic department of any store.) Then I carefully removed more brow hair to achieve a feminine arch. This is tricky business, so take your time and go back and forth between your left and right brows so that they will look alike.

By the way, I found an excellent book on the subject titled Beautiful Brows: The Ultimate Guide to Styling, Shaping, and Maintaining Your Eyebrows by Nancy Parker and Nancy Kalish. You might want to consult that book before your tweezing gets out of hand!

I also use an Avon Electronic Brow Trimmer to trim the lengths of my brow hairs. (Avon also discontinued this product, but similar trimmers are for sale elsewhere.) Since some brow hairs grow back and brow hairs I did not tweeze keep on growing, I use the trimmer and tweezer regularly to maintain my eyebrows.

To color and define my brows, I use Anastasia Perfect Brow Pencil (Ultimate Brown is my color). Using the brush on the other end of the pencil, I comb out my brow hairs so they are lined up horizontally and pointing away from my nose.

Next, I sharpen the pencil to a very fine point and draw a line that defines the upper edge of my eyebrow. I start drawing the line above the inner corner of my eye (point A in the accompanying figure), angling upwards to the peak of the arch which is above the outer edge of the pupil of my eye (point B), then drawing the brow out to a point that lines up with my nose and the outer corner of my eye (point C). All the while I draw the line as close as possible to my existing brow hair.

After I define the tops of my eyebrows, I use the pencil to fill in the area below the line where the hair is thin or missing. Then I use the brush on the other end of the pencil to brush and even out the color I just applied.

My Eyes

I am always playing around with different techniques and colors to do my eyes. In order to play this way, I purchased a large collection of colors that allows me to try various color combinations.

Some colors suit me that may not suit you and vice versa; you will have to experiment to see what looks best on you. (By the way, my eye color is green.) Whatever colors you choose, be sure to use a different brush for each color you apply.

1) With a wide eyeshadow brush, I apply a very light beige shade of eye color to my lids, the crease of my eye, and the area below my brows.

2) I use an eyeliner brush to line my eyes by applying a very dark color (black or dark brown) along the upper and lower lash lines of each eye as close to the base of my lashes as possible.

Some girls prefer to use an eyeliner pencil, which is my second choice, and some girls prefer a liquid liner, which is my last choice. I prefer using a brush with a powder eye color because it achieves the look I desire — it defines my eyes, but it does so subtly.

3) After lining my eyes, I use a Q-tip to smudge the lines below my lower lashes to make the liner look even more subtle.

4) With a narrow eyeshadow brush, I apply a darker color (medium brown or violet, in my case) to the crease of my eye. I pick up the eye color with my brush, dab the center of the crease with the color, then I go back and forth with the brush using a windshield wiper-like motion to apply and blend the color throughout the crease.

5) You can use the same color or a darker color (dark brown or dark violet, in my case) to finish the eye shadowing. I pick up the eye color with my brush, dab the outer corners of my lids with the color to cover about one-third of the lids, then I sweep the color out towards my ears. I also blend the color towards the center of my lids so there is a gradual color change and no clear line of demarcation.

6) I reuse these same brushes and colors to blend, blend, and blend some more.

7) I curl my eyelashes with an eyelash curler, clamping the upper lashes of each eye for about 30 seconds each.

8) I use a metallic eyelash comb to separate all my lashes.

9) I apply black mascara. I have used many different mascaras over the years; some are better than others and I am always looking for something even better. Recently I received a free sample of Lancome Hypnose Drama Instant Full Body Volume Mascara. I like it a lot and it is my current mascara of choice.

When I remove the mascara wand from its container, there is usually a glob of mascara on the end of the brush. That glob can really mess things up, so either remove it with a tissue, or put the glob back into the container from whence it came.

I do my upper lashes, both tops and bottoms, by bringing the wand close to the base of my lashes, then sweeping the wand out while wiggling it slightly back and forth to get better lash coverage with the mascara. With my bottom lashes, I just do the tops of the lashes by touching the tip of the wand to the lashes.

10) I wait a few minutes for the mascara to dry, then I use the metallic eyelash brush to separate any lashes that are stuck together and to remove any globs of mascara.

11) I repeat the previous two steps at least once, usually twice and occasionally thrice.

12) I use a Q-tip to clean up any stray eye makeup that may have gone where no eye makeup should go.

In the final installment, I will describe how I do my lips and the final steps to achieve and maintain my "feminine best" look.

Stana's Makeup — Part 3

(Updated Below) After waiting 10 to 15 minute to let my skin absorb the moisturizers and skin care products I applied (as described here), I begin applying makeup.

Old lady that I am, I have bags under my eyes. To "hide" the bags, I apply a concealer in the shadows beneath the bags to lighten the shadows, thus making the bags less noticeable. I use Amazing Concealer, which goes a long way; a dime-size squirt of Amazing Concealer is enough to do both eyes.

Male woman that I am, I have a beard that I shave closely (as described here), but shaving is not enough. The whiskers below the skin are visible to one degree or another, so I apply a beard cover to the parts of my face where the whiskers show through, that is, between my mouth and nose, between my mouth and chin, and along the chin line below my cheeks. I use is BC-2, an orange-colored product of The Research Council of Makeup Artists, Inc. (RCMA) that I purchased from Alcone.

Old lady that I am, my beard has turned silver gray, so the whiskers under the skin are not as noticeable as they were before they turned gray. As a result, I don't have to use as much beard cover as I had in the past, just a little in the mustache area, if any. Often I go without. The below--the-skin whiskers are such a non-issue these days that a few people have complimented me on my electrolysis (I have never had electrolysis).

I use a powder foundation (Laura Mercier Foundation Powder shade #3) and I apply it with a brush. In the past, I used liquid foundations, but I was turned onto powder foundations during a makeover by a Sephora consultant. Powder foundations look more natural than liquid foundations. When I wore a liquid foundation, it looked like I was wearing a foundation, whereas when I wear a powder foundation, it looks like I am wearing nothing!

I apply the foundation to my face, ears, neck, and anything else below the neck that will show when I dress en femme. Everything should be the same color, otherwise it is obvious that you are wearing a foundation, not to mention that it looks odd.

Sometimes I use a sculpter and highlighter, sometimes I do not. It depends on the time of day and the event I am attending. The later in the day and the more glam the event, the more likely I will sculpt and highlight.

When I do, I use Laura Geller Shade-n-Sculpt, which includes the darker sculpter and lighter highlighter in one compact package along with a brush.

On her Web site, Laura describes how to use this product along with a blush, so why reinvent the wheel "Using my angled Sculpting Brush for both shades, remember to carefully tap off the first shade before using the second. Find the natural bone structure by feeling for the hollow of your cheeks. Starting at the center of your ear, stroke the sculpting shade along that hollow, ending in the apple of your cheek. Brush the lighter, highlighting shade directly above your cheekbone. Apply blush on top of the sculpting and highlighting shades, blending all of them together.

"To achieve a well sculpted jaw line, apply the sculpting shade right along your jawbone, and feather it downward, fading it out. For the illusion of a less full chin, apply the sculpting powder, under the chin and down the throat.

"To create the illusion of a straight, sculpted nose, lightly apply the sculpting shade along the sides of the nose. Always remember your light highlighting shade will be in the opposite areas of your sculpting powder. Apply the highlighter along the center of your forehead and down the center of your nose.

The blush I use during sculpting and highlighting is Makeup For Ever Sculpting Blush in 14 - Raspberry Brown.

In the next installments, I will describe how I do my eyes and lips to complete my "feminine best" look.

UPDATE: In my hurry to post this installment, I left out the following step:

After applying foundation, sculpter, highlighter, and blush, I use a large makeup brush to apply translucent loose powder all over my face and neck.

Stana's Makeup — Part 2

Before I discuss my makeup regime, I want to mention shaving.

Obviously, you want to be as beardless as possible before you begin becoming beautiful.

I have tried various methods to achieve the best beardless state including using hot shaving cream, a shaving lubricant in place of a shaving cream, cold shaving (icing the face, then using ice cold water to rinse the blade as you shave), dry shaving (no shaving cream or lubricant), etc. Some people swear by these methods, but I did not find that the results were any better than the old tried and true method, that is, using a shaving cream or gel, razor, and hot water.

The products I use for shaving are more important than how I use them. I use a shaving gel (like Edge or its copycats) instead of a shaving cream because I found that I get a better shave with a gel.

Also, I use Gillette's Fusion razor (the manual version, not the powered version). Fusion is the best razor I have ever used, by far, however, if you are prepping for an outing en femme, I recommend using a new blade or at a minimum, a blade you have used only once or twice, to get the best shave.

I shave in the shower. The steamy environment of the shower softens your whiskers, so they are easier to remove. Also, when you are done, it is easier to shower away all the shaved whiskers. By the way, I shave in the shower without a mirror and never nick myself; it takes practice, but not much.

After shaving and drying thoroughly, I apply eyelash serum (Avon ANEW Lash-Transforming Mascara + Serum), eye cream (Avon Solutions Plus+ Ageless Results Eye Cream), and moisturizers on my neck and face (Avon Solutions a.m. Ageless Results Day Cream SPF 15 on my neck and Philosophy When Hope Is Not Enough Replenishing Cream on my face).

Then I take a 10 to 15 minute break to let my skin absorb all the products I just applied before I proceed with my makeup regime.

A Pisces’ September

September could be an interesting month for Pisces (like me).

Pisces — February 20-March 20

Early in the month, confidence and career opportunities once again fall at your feet. The 21st ushers in a chance to attract others with your charisma, leading them to finally be on the same page as you. At month's end, a vacation has a destined feel, but it is what you don't plan that can revolutionize your life.

(Horoscope from Harper's Bazaar)

Stana's Makeup — Part 1

I received another request to describe how I apply my makeup. It has been awhile since the last time I wrote on that subject here, so "The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of many things."

Every morning, I maintain my face whether I am going out as a boy or a girl. Maintenance is very important if you want to look your feminine best.

For years, I never did any maintenance. When I went out en femme, I'd apply makeup to my unmaintained face and I looked good for a guy in drag, but I never achieved that "feminine best" look that I saw on other women.

Being an Avon lady, I occasionally receive free samples. About five years ago, I received a free sample of a product to deal with wrinkles around the eyes. Looking in the mirror at the wrinkles developing around my eyes, I decided to try the free sample.

After a week or so, the wrinkles were less noticeable. After a few weeks, I had to examine my eyes closely to find the wrinkles. So, I was sold on the eye cream and decided to experiment with other skin care products, primarily moisturizers

After five years of using skin care products, my wrinkles are hardly noticeable and my skin is smoother, more supple, and healthier-looking. My makeup goes on easier and looks better. Professional makeup consultants have complimented me on my complexion. And now I can achieve that "feminine best" look.

I cannot emphasize enough the need to maintain your skin on a daily basis. You cannot look your feminine best when you go out en femme unless you take care of your face everyday.

Every morning, after I shave, shower, and dry myself off, I maintain my face with the following products.

(I use a lot of Avon products because I am an Avon lady, so I get the stuff at cost (or free) and can experiment with different products inexpensively. These products work for me, but your mileage may vary, so try other products if you don't like what I use.)

Avon ANEW Lash-Transforming Mascara + Serum — I use the eyelash serum part of this two-part product to increase the length and fullness of my eyelashes. You apply it like liquid eyeliner, that is, along the lash line above your upper lashes and below your lower lashes, and not directly on your lashes.

Avon Solutions Plus+ Ageless Results Eye Cream — I apply the eye cream under my eyes to deal with wrinkles. It does not eliminate the wrinkles, but it does make them much less noticeable.

Avon Solutions a.m. Ageless Results Day Cream SPF 15 — I apply the day cream to my neck to deal with the redness that resulted from too much sun and not enough protection. It gets out the redness and softens the skin on my neck.

Philosophy When Hope Is Not Enough Replenishing Cream — This non-Avon product is a "night cream" that I use as a daytime moisturizer. I apply it all over my face except where I applied the eye serum and eye cream. I love this product; after I put it on, my face has a feminine glow and feels wonderful, too.

Every evening after dinner, I cleanse my face with an Avon facial cleansing product that is no longer available. When Avon discontinued it, I stocked up on the product and probably have a year's supply. There are lots of other facial cleansers on the market that you can use that will do the job; just don't use hand soap to cleanse your face!

After cleansing, I reapply the Avon eyelash serum.

Occasionally, I apply a night cream (Avon Solutions Maximum Moisture Night Cream) before I go to bed, but usually I don't because I forget or am so tired that I just want to go to sleep!

By the way, I never smoked and seldom drink alcoholic beverages. Both can have a negative effect on your skin.

That's all the maintenance I do. In the next installment, I will write about applying the actual makeup.

Back to Provincetown

Two years ago, I attended to Fantasia Fair. After attending the event, I wrote, "I had a wonderful time at Fantasia Fair and I am sure I would have a good time if I attended again, but weighing the cost versus the potential of growing more as a woman, I think my money would be better invested elsewhere."

Since writing those words, I have grown more as a woman... a lot more. I no longer think twice about going out en femme. I realize now that I really am a woman and that going out en femme affirms my being as a woman.

Growth as a woman is no longer a goal; it is time to experience life as a woman.

Provincetown is my kind of town and I want to experience it as a woman, rather than a transwoman trying to find herself. Also, I want to renew acquaintances with the folks I met the first time I attended the event.

So, I am attending Fantasia Fair this year for a half-week, from Sunday, October 17 through Wednesday, October 20.

In addition to attending, I will be presenting a workshop in which I describe the care and feeding of a ridiculously popular transgender blog that was once dubbed the "center of the blog universe."

I hope to see you in Provincetown.

Amazing Womanless Beauty Pageant Femulation

Aunty Marlena e-mailed me links to some Web sites documenting recent womanless beauty pageants. The best of the batch was a March 27 pageant at American Legion Wright Brothers Post 210 in Montgomery, AL.

There were a few above average femulations at that pageant; see for yourself here.

But this pageant also featured one of the best femulations I've ever seen in any womanless pageant. A tall, leggy blond named Tammy (photos above) stole the show and was crowned Miss-ter Post 210 for 2010.

My Story - Part 3

Click on the image to enlarge it.

New Shoes

Being a fashionista who buys online, I receive a dozen e-mails everyday advertising specials from the various online merchants I have bought from in the past. I usually look at the specials from my favorite online merchants like Spiegel, Newport-News, and Jessica London, but I seldom buy anything.

Today, I received an exclusive invitation (ooh-la-la!) to Spiegel's end-of-season private sale!

Perusing the sale, I fell in love with a pair of two-toned patent cutout 4-inch stiletto high-heeled sandals (photo above right). They cost a mere $19.99 (original price was $65) and they had my size, so I ordered a pair.

Nice deal!

More Males Modeling Female Attire

(Updated Below) Two years ago, I wondered here how many female models were actually males.

"Urban legend says that some of the fashion models wearing female finery on the catwalks of the fashion world are actually males... Trying to determine which female fashion models, if any, are actually male has been a futile endeavor."

Since writing that post, I have mentioned the few male female models I have learned about, for example, Terri Toye, Martin Cohn, Phillipe Blond, etc.

Yesterday, An Admirer commented on that two-year-old blog post. Unless you happened to be reading that two-year-old post, most of you likely missed the comment, so I am mentioning it here. An Admirer wrote, "I've noticed recently that transgendered girls are all over Model Mayhem ...What's even more interesting is that some admit they are male up front. Wow!"

An Admirer then lists some of the models who admit to being male in their profile.

AlexMariaBez (photo above) is one of those male female models; actually he is an "aspiring" model. Dunno how many of the male models on Model Mayhem are aspiring or actually working models. Regardless, the times they are a changing and more males are likely to join the Martin Cohns and Phillipe Blonds on the runways of the female modeling world.

UPDATE: Since originally posting this blog entry, AlexMariaBez changed her gender on her Model Mayhem profile from "male" to "female." She gave no reason for doing so.

Girl Talk

This morning, I went into the kitchenette at work for a coffee refill and found my female friend, Nan, who knows all about Stana, talking with another woman, Liz, who does not know about Stana, but might suspect something because she saw me crossdressed twice for two company Halloween parties. (I changed their names to protect the innocent.)

Liz was holding up a black cocktail dress and they were discussing the merits of the dress. Naturally, I was all ears.

I was just waiting for Nan to joke with me about the dress because just yesterday, Nan asked me how my never ending diet was going and I told her I had slimmed down from a dress size 18 to a size 14.

Nan said nothing, but smiled at me like the Cheshire Cat.

I was surprised when out-of-the-blue Liz asked me what I thought about the dress!

I did not feign disinterest. Instead, I examined the dress and told her it was very nice, especially for the price ($39 at Marshall's).

I am considering coming out to Liz; I can use another ally.

It's Bazaar!

Nearly two years ago, one of my credit cards offered free subscriptions to a bevy of magazines. The only magazine in the bevy that interested me was Harper's Bazaar. "Sophisticated, elegant and provocative, Harper's Bazaar is the fashion resource for women who are the first to buy the best, from casual to couture." That sounded like me, so I signed up for a free subscription.

When my free subscription was expiring last year, I received a bevy of letters urging me to renew. For my purposes, Harper's Bazaar was a look-book. I'd look at it once to see the fabulous fashions on display inside and then recycle it. A free subscription was suitable, a paid subscription was not, so I ignored the subscription renewal notices.

Guess what? The magazine renewed my subscription for free!

No explanation, no nothing. I assumed that they did not want to lose subscribers, which in turn might cause them to lose advertisers, so they renewed me for gratis.

The 502-page fall fashion issue of Bazaar arrived in the mail this week. Attached to its cover was a notice indicating that it was the last issue of my subscription and that I ought to renew.

I have no plans to renew my subscription, but I wonder if they will renew me again for free.

Next month will tell.

Revisiting Stana's Closet

On Monday, I wrote about my closet. That writing included a photo of my closet with my female clothing hanging on the closet rods and my high heels in shoe boxes stacked on the floor.

Did you notice what was not in my closet?

Me.

I was in the closet for a very long time. From my early teens until I joined a support group in the late 1980s, all my femulations were in the confines of my home (except for a handful of Halloween femulations).

My girl was cooped up in that home closet for almost 20 years, so when I finally attended a support group meeting, it was a breath of fresh air in comparison.

By attending support group meetings, I was out in "public" for the first time. I dressed at home and drove 30 minutes to the support group meeting place. During the drive, I was really out in the public albeit within the enclosure of my automobile.

At the meetings, I will argue that I was also out in "public" because at first, all the other attendees were strangers to me. They were as "public" to me as anyone I might encounter on a city street. Also, the faces of the attendees changed constantly with new folks showing up, while others dropped out, so there was almost always a new public to face at the meetings.

The support group occasionally sponsored outings to local restaurants. The group planned those outings in advance; the restaurants prepared for our outings and usually stuck us in a private room so that the other clientele, the "public," would not disturb us!

I regularly attended support group meetings for about years and was very active in the group editing their newsletter, as well as organizing the group's annual banquet.

After attending support group meetings for five years or so, I realized that the support group meeting hall was just a bigger closet located 30 miles up the Interstate from my home closet, so my girl was itching to get out in public a little farther.

So, I attended my first transgender convention. Now, the closet was huge and encompassed a whole hotel. I had such a wonderful time in the expanded closet that I attended a different trangender convention every year for about five or six years. Then I crashed into a closet wall again and realized that although the trans convention closet was very big, it was still a closet and I was stuck in it.

I considered my situation. I was not getting any younger and if I did not make a real effort to get out of the closet, I would never get out. The only thing preventing me from getting out of the closet was me.

I had a great fear of being recognized by the public as a natal male and being ridiculed (or worse) as a result. And despite a lot of evidence to the contrary that I could pass on occasion, I was sure that as soon as I stuck my high-heeled foot out in public, every civilian who encountered me would know the "truth." But my girl so wanted to go public and finally I made up my mind to do something about it.

On a cool November day four years ago, I shaved, showered, did my makeup, dressed, and drove to the mall. I dressed appropriately to fit in (and not stand out) by wearing a long black tunic sweater, "heather-gray" leggings, and the pant boots, but I sat in my car trying to get up the courage to go inside. After 20 minutes, I made up mind that "it was now or never" and I got out of my car and went into the mall.

My day out had its ups and downs (you can read about it in detail here. Some people read me and reacted in such a way that I knew that they read me, but most of the time, people paid little or no attention to me. So I assumed that (1) most people who read me were polite and did not react or (2) most people who read me did not care and did not react or (3) I passed.

In any case, I was out of the closet and it felt wonderful. That alone would have made my day, but my visit to Sephora was icing on the cake.

I sought some makeup advice, so I went to Sephora for a consultation. The consultant could not have been nicer. While she was experimenting with my face, I mentioned that I had beard cover under my foundation and that the reason I was wearing beard cover was because I was crossdressing.

I probably did not have to tell her I was crossdressing because up close and personal, she probably detected that fact. No matter, she said to me, "You only have one life to live and you should live it like you want. If someone has a problem, then it is their problem, not yours."

Wow! That was an epiphany!

Throughout my life, I always worried about what other people would think of me and if someone had a problem with me, I thought it was my fault, that is, I had done something wrong. The Sephora consultant turned that philosophy on its head and I realized that as long as I am not hurting anyone, I should live my life as I want to live it.

I felt so free!

After that, whenever the opportunity arose, I went out in public en femme. Shopping, shows, dining, outreach, seminars, a four-day stay in Manhattan, etc., over the past four years, I have embraced every opportunity to go out en femme and in the process, I discovered some important things.

The more I went out in public en femme, the more I passed. I was no longer nervous about going out en femme. Instead, I was relaxed and acted more naturally and people who might have read me, ignored me because I was not drawing attention to myself.

The more I went out en femme, I realized that being en femme was the real me. I no longer had to concentrate on femulating. Just acting as myself was more than enough because there was no longer a need to act as a woman because I really was a woman all along, but it took a long time to realize it.

Closets are for clothing, not people, so I urge you all to get out of the closet and be the woman you want to be. Maybe you will discover that you are a plain vanilla crossdresser or maybe you will discover that you have really been a woman all along.

By the way, the photo above shows me standing outside of my closet.

Womanless Archive and More Fave Photos

In the past, a very popular topic here has been the coverage of womanless beauty pageants, fashion shows, and other public events in which "civilian males" impersonate women. ("Civilian males" are non-professional female impersonators.)

Some readers suggested compiling a list of all the womanless events mentioned in past installments of Femulate, so I created the Womanless Archive that you can access here.

Also, I added more photos to my new favorite photos web page.

Tall Notices

It has been three months since our last Famous Females of Height List update, so it's about time for another.

While watching the film Final Destination, I noticed 5'8" Ali Larter, a film and television actress.

Regular contributor Peaches noticed 5'9" Mary Elizabeth Winstead, a film actress of Scott Pilgrim and Sky High fame.

SoCalSecrets noticed 6'0" Sandra Gal, a professional golfer, whose image appears in this post.

By the way, I noticed that Bettina Wulff, Germany's First Lady, is tall, but how tall? I have been unsuccessful in determining her height. If anyone can provide that information, please do.

Updating My Femulate Web Pages

I reworked my femulate web pages. Rearranged some pages, updated others, and even deleted a few. I also added one new page, which you may like to check out: my favorite photos, which replaces an old page of the same name.

I will continue reworking the pages and keep you posted as to anything new.

Stana's Closet

My wife and I "share" a walk-in closet off our bedroom. I write "share" because she uses four racks for her wardrobe and I use one rack! To make matters worse, my one rack contains both my male and female wardrobes.

Pictured above is the east half of my one rack. Two thirds of that half (or one-third of the whole rack) now contains my female stuff, which is slowly, but surely taking up more space and forcing me to thin out my male stuff.

The shoe boxes on the floor contain my high heels. The 12 visible boxes are just the tip of the iceberg; there are two more rows of shoe boxes storing heels behind the visible boxes.

The tackle box to the right of the shoe boxes contains my makeup.

To the right of the tackle box (out of the view of this photo) are five cardboard boxes. One box houses clear storage boxes that contain my bangles and beads. The other four boxes contain my unmentionables, hosiery, purses, wallets, scarves, etc.

Two additional boxes sit on a shelf in the closet. One contains my wigs; the other contains sundry of other items that make my femulation possible, as well as passable.

The belt rack on the wall to the left contains mostly female belts, after all, how many belts does a guy need?

My winter outerwear hangs in a closet in the spare bedroom. When the cold weather moves in, I move my winter coats du jour from the spare bedroom closet to our walk-in closet. To accomplish that this year, I will have to move the warm weather female stuff to the spare bedroom closet.

Such is the closet of an active femulator!

My Story – Part 2

Click on the image to enlarge it.

After posting My Life – Part 1, one of my blog readers asked if it was true. I assure you that all “My Life” postings are true.

With regards to my Mom acknowledging my femininity in Part 1, I don’t know if she was intentionally trying to make a woman out of me, but on countless occasions, she pointed out physical characteristics of mine that she thought were feminine. Intentional or not, her words stuck with me and probably had some affect on my psyche.

Regarding the image above, I admit that I never looked like the leggy blond in the image above, but the spoken words above are true or in close proximity thereof. And the same circumstances occurred on more than one Halloween occasion.

Girls’ Night Out Last Night

My girls’ night out last night was fun!

(That’s me in the photo just before I left the house.)

I met Diana at the Real Art Ways parking lot. She left her car there and I drove our mini-carpool to downtown Hartford to dine at Vito’s restaurant.

We found a parking place on the street right in front of Vito’s and when we entered the restaurant, we discovered that we were the first diners of the evening.

Our beautiful waitress, Ashley, addressed us as ladies and she could not have been more pleasant. I had their “Fiocchi Pasta,” which is
stuffed with four cheeses and pears in a sweet and spicy cream sauce. It was excellent.

The restaurant was very quiet. We were the only diners most of the time; a few diners finally trickled in just before we left the premises.

The last time I dined at Vito’s on a Thursday evening a few years ago, the place was near capacity attendance, so the contrast was stark. However, a party of 40 had reservations last night, so I expect things got livelier after we departed.

Back to Real Art ways for their monthly “Creative Cocktail Hour” and we were first in line to pay to enter.

We bought drinks, viewed the artwork that was on display, then we staked out a table where we sat, chatted, and people-watched for about an hour. A few old friends came by and we renewed acquaintances.

Then we bought another round of drinks (non-alcoholic, by the way) and went outside on the patio to get some fresh air.

One of my blog readers recognized me and introduced herself as a daily reader and fan of the blog. I was happy she stopped to say “hello,” because it is always great to meet one of my readers in person.

The trans crowd was not. Last few times I attended the “Hour,” there were usually a dozen or so transgirls present. Last night, I counted six including myself. Go figure!

Throughout the evening, I noted my interaction with the civilians. Males would look at me and nothing more. On the other hand, if I caught the eye of a female, she would invariably smile and I would returned the smile and if she was close enough, I would say “hello” and she might return the greeting, but nothing more.

As our evening wound down, we sat on a wall-length bench outside the main exhibit area next to a female couple. After awhile, Diana decided to leave, but I wanted to hang on for a little while longer, so I remained seated.

Shortly thereafter, while one member of the female couple was off doing something, the other female engaged me in conversation. Turns out she is the partner of the woman whose art exhibit had opened last night. They are from Brooklyn and we chatted about NYC and Connecticut, etcetera, etcetera.

We had a pleasant chat for about 15 minutes. As we were running out of things to talk about, I decided it was a good time to gracefully exit the premises because it was approaching my bedtime and I had to get up at 5:45 AM. So I excused myself, thanked her for the conversation, and worked my way through the crowd to my Subaru awaiting me outside.

The evening out was superb and I look forward to my next outing en femme.

Girls’ Night Out Tonight

Hartford is the destination for my girls’ night out tonight where I will meet my friend Diana for dinner at a restaurant downtown. After dinner, we will enjoy an after dinner drink (or two) at Real Art Ways’ monthly Creative Cocktail Hour.

It should be fun and I am looking forward to another opportunity to be en femme.

My Story – Part 1

When the Shoe (High Heel) Is on the Other Foot

Click on the image to enlarge it.

Failures in Femulation : Bad Hair Daze

This is the first in a series about the major errors femulators make in their presentations that detract from their femulations, in my humble opinion. In addition to pointing out the\ errors, I will explain how to avoid and/or correct them.

Caveat emptor: I have no formal training in the arts related to femulation. However, I do have over 45 years experience practicing those arts and have become so adept at them that I pass more often than not.

Inexpensive wigs are attractive to femulators because they are inexpensive. Their attractiveness ends there because a cheap wig by any other name is still a cheap wig.

When you wear a cheap wig, there is no fooling anyone that the hair on your head is fake. And when people see that you are wearing a wig, they might examine you more closely and find other clues that give away your natal gender.

I have owned a few cheap wigs in my time and I have photos wearing those cheap wigs that convinced me to go upscale in the wig department. “Upscale” meant spending $99 rather than $49 for a wig.

It was an improvement, but not good enough. A $99 wig was still relatively inexpensive for a wig (it was just more expensive "cheap" wigs).

Also, I did not know what wig was best for me. I tried different styles, different lengths, and different colors, but always avoided blond shades and short lengths.

I avoided blonds because I thought that blond was oh so drag. All the boys who wanted to be girls wanted to be blond girls.

Also, I avoided short lengths because I thought my head was too big to be properly covered with a short wig.

A trip to a pro convinced me otherwise.

Annually, a local wig shop hosts a meeting of my support group. A few years ago, I was the hostess, which meant that I showed up early to bring the refreshments. I had no intention of buying a wig; it was just another opportunity to be out en femme, so I was happy to be the hostess and not necessarily a wig customer.

We had an excellent turn-out and new wigs were flying out the door throughout the evening. As things were winding down, the wig shop owner, Kathy, said it was my turn. She sat me down at a mirror and went to the back room to fetch a wig she thought would be perfect for me.

A few minutes later, she returned with a short blond wig.

I thought to myself, "Oh no; she's is making a mistake."

She pulled the wig over my head, finger-combed it a bit, and then let me look in the mirror.

In a very soft voice, I said, "Oh, my god!"

The wig looked absolutely fabulous on me and I did not think twice about purchasing it.

That wig (“Ryan” by Noriko) cost about $333, but it was worth every penny. It pushed my femulation skills up a few notches.

I lost count how many times people complimented me about my hair and how many times those same people were shocked to find out I was wearing a wig. (I never received such reactions wearing my $99 wigs.)

So the bottom line is (1) seek out a professional wig seller for advice concerning the best wig color, style and length for you and (2) be willing to spend much more than $99 for a wig.

The Million Dollar Question

Click on the image to make it bigger.

Boys' Girls' Night Out

Click on the image for a bigger laugh!

It’s not underwear anymore… it’s lingerie

 Click on the image to enlarge it.

The Highness of Heels

I love high heels.

The majority of my shoes are high heels and most of my heels are three to four inches in height.

I am very adept at walking in high heels.

I never had a problem walking in heels. From the first day I started wearing heels when I was a teenager, I took to them like a duck takes to webbed feet. I only wish that all my heels were as comfortable as I am walking in them.

That being said, the fall shoe styles have been showing up in the usual places on the Internet and I am in awe at the highness of this fall's heels. I cannot recall such a proliferation of heels over four inches in height (except maybe on the fetish shoe sales web sites). Lots of 4-1/2 heels and some topping the 5-inch mark on such non-fetish web sites as Spiegel, Newport-News, Metrostyle, Payless, Norstrom, Macy's, etcetera, etcetera.

The "new arrivals" at Newport-News (pictured above) are typical. From left to right is their patent stiletto platform pumps" with a 4-1/2-inch heel, a T-strap sandal with a 4-1/2-inch heel, a cutout ankle boot with a 5-inch heel, and a sequined platform pump with a 5-inch heel.

I really like the cutout ankle boot, but can I handle a 5-inch heel? One thing for sure: at 6'7", I would be outstanding in my heels!

Stop Sam the Clam Caligiuri

I do not mix politics with this blog unless it has a direct connection with transgender issues, so bear with me as I step onto the soapbox today.

Yesterday, Connecticut State Senator Sam "the Clam" Caligiuri won the Republican primary for the Fifth US Congressional District of Connecticut.

I live in the Fifth Congressional District that Sam the Clam would like to represent and I also live in the Connecticut State Senate district that Sam the Clam currently represents, so I have been following his political career closely over the years.

Sam the Clam would never get my vote because his political views represent the worst of the teabag wing of the GOP (Gang of Privateers). Normally, I would just cast my vote against the guy and not get into a discourse here or anywhere else about why I voted against him, but Sam the Clam is special; Sam the Clam has his guns sighted on the trans community and he must be stopped.

Sam the Clam has consistently voted against state legislation that protects the rights of transgenders.

In May 2007, the Connecticut State Senate passed the gender anti-discrimination bill by a 30-4 margin (it died in the State House of Representatives). Sam the Clam voted against it. He also voted against the bill when it came up for a vote in his committee (the Education Committee).

Based on his track record, Sam the Clam will vote against the protection of transgender rights if he has an opportunity to do so in the future. So, we must stop him from having another opportunity.

On the other hand, the man Sam the Clam is running against, Congressman Chris Murphy, has been a consistent supporter of transgender rights and deserves the support of the trans community of the Fifth Congressional District of Connecticut.

Please Stop Sam the Clam and vote for Chris Murphy.

So why "Sam the Clam"?

Strike One

When Sam was running for State Senate, he happened to be campaigning outside the local IGA one day when I happened to be grocery shopping. On the way into the IGA, I took his campaign literature and perused it while I shopped.

I noticed that nowhere in his campaign literature did it mention which political party he represented. This was during the darkest days of the Bush-Cheney administration and GOP candidates everywhere were trying to distance themselves as far away as possible from the frat boy in the White House. Sam the Clam was no different.

On the way out of the IGA, I asked Sam what party he represented because his campaign literature was lacking that information. Sam clammed up, refused to answer my question, and proceeded to ignore me.

Strike Two

When the the gender anti-discrimination bill was up for a vote, I wrote Sam a heartfelt letter asking him to support the bill.

I did not get a response until many months later. His response avoided the issues. Instead, he apologized for losing my letter and being unable to respond to it in a timely manner.

I did not have to wait for strike three; after strike two, Sam became "Sam the Clam" as far as I was concerned.

More Opportunities

Always on the lookout for opportunities to be a complete woman, I have added two new dates to my calendar.

Next Thursday, I plan to take the afternoon off to dine at a nice restaurant in downtown Hartford and after dinner, swing over to the monthly Creative Cocktail Hour at Real Art Ways.

About a half-dozen years ago, a group of us girls decided to break ground by attending the Creative Cocktail Hour. Since Real Art Ways was an artists' enclave, we figured the atmosphere would be diverse enough for us transgirls to fit in, so we took a chance. Turned out that we were accepted with open arms.

The Hour has become a regular place for transgirls to go and be seen every third Thursday and you can count on a dozen or so of us to show up every month. Truth is, I have not attended The Hour in over a year and I am looking forward to getting reacquainted.

My next opportunity is a one-day photography seminar that I will attend next month in Hartford. It is 10 AM to 5 PM event with a one-hour lunch break.

In addition to other tasks, I am also the on-staff photographer here at work, so I am attending the seminar to help improve my photographing skills.

One more thing... I heard a rumor that my workplace is doing something Halloweeny this year. If that's the case, I plan to costume up as something girlish (and maybe ghoulish) for that event.

Pinned by Mrs. P

All is not perfect with my new "Chanel" suit.

It fits fine, but the skirt is not a "flatterring straight shape" as advertised (or as pictured right). It flares out from the waist and is much wider at the hemline than the waistline. It looks nothing like the skirt of a traditional Chanel suit, which in my opinion is more like a pencil skirt.

The suit was so inexpensive that I decided to invest a little more money into it and get it altered to my liking.

I Googled "clothing alterations" in my area, which resulted in a bunch of shops that I knew nothing about. So I began reading their reviews.

I was sold after I read with this review:

"Mrs. P is such a joy to work with. She is funny and passionate, and she is very talented with her work. She takes her business very seriously, and she doesn't give customers the 'run around.'. I had never been to a seamstress before, and the garment I brought her was extremely delicate. She took amazing care of me and my dress, and she always kept me informed of what she thought should be done. What's even better is that she doesn't play games: she will tell you what your options are, and what she can and can't do. I highly suggest Mrs. P's Tailor Shop to everyone."

The shop is less than 3 miles from work, so I stopped by today during my lunch hour.

The description of Mrs. P in the review was right on the money.

I told her what I wanted and she pinned the skirt to make it narrower.

She assumed that the skirt was for my wife and I corrected her.

Without missing a beat, she told me to put it on so she could pin it up exactly like I wanted it. Good thing because when I tried it on after her first pinning, it was not as narrow as I wanted.

She pinned it up again and it was better, but still not where I wanted it. She said she could make it narrower, but I may have a little difficulty walking in it.

Yes! That's what I wanted, so she pinned it up again and I was happy.

Mrs. P was very accommodating and she said I could have it on Friday if I needed it for this weekend, but I told her there was no rush, so she will have it ready for me on Monday.