no more mixed messages

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new bling-bling

Most of my jewelry is of the inexpensive costume variety. However, I recently received a gift certificate for LuShae Jewelry and I was able to add some real bling to my jewelry box.

After peruring LuShae's online catalog, I chose a pendant called Cluster of Ruby. Here is its catalog description:

The Cluster of Ruby CZ pendant is beautifully designed with ruby red CZ and round clear CZ all clustered together for that indulged look. It draws attention and adds style with elegance to your favorite top or dress. White Gold Rhodium Bond is achieved using an electroplating process that coats the item with heavy layers of rhodium, a close cousin of platinum that costs three times as much, which gives our jewelry a platinum luster.

The pendant arrived one week after I placed my order.

In this fashionista's opinion, the pendant is drop-dead gorgeous. It is one of the prettiest pieces of jewelry I own.

I look forward to wearing the pendant, but first I have to find earrings to go with it. And when I do, I plan to wear my new bling to a fancy occasion, probably to one of the formal affairs coming up in this spring.

Pageant, the movie

"With all hormone and surgical enhancements banned from the competition, contestants rely entirely on tricks of makeup and wardrobe."

That quote from Blockbuster's blurb for the film Pageant motivated me to add the film to my Blockbuster rental queue.

As a femulator, who does not take hormones or has had any surgical enhancements, I was very interested in viewing this documentary about the Miss Gay America competition. (I later discovered that surgical enhancements were forbidden below the neck, thus contestants could have their faces worked over as much as they desired and/or could afford.)

The film was in my queue for months. Blockbuster finally shook it loose and the DVD arrived in my mailbox on Saturday. I watched the film Saturday night.

I enjoyed the film, which concentrated on the lives of five of the 52 contestants. By the documentary's mid-point, I found myself really getting into the film because I was rooting for two of the five contestants; the others, not so much.

From a personal standpoint, I especially appreciated the documentation of the reactions of the contestants' families' and friends' when they discovered a femulator in their midst.

From a technical standpoint, there was not much how-to information in the film. There were just a few glimpses of how the contestants achieve breast cleavage and narrow waists, as well as how they apply their makeup.

For what it's worth, I achieve cleavage the the same way as the contestants. I use surgical tape to squeeze my boobs together, then I use light and dark highlighting makeup to make my cleavage appear deeper.

For narrow waists, the contestants tightly wrap their waistlines with duct tape (over their underwear). I prefer a waist cincher with corset lacing because duct tape leaves residue on your undies that is difficult to remove.

The makeup application was disappointing. Most of the contestants apply makeup to achieve a way-over-the-top drag queen look, whereas I was hoping their makeup application would more closely approximate a Miss America contestant look. I guess the drag queen look was to be expected because most of the contestants are professional drag queens.

I have been hankering to compete in a beauty pageant. Although I am almost a senior citizen, my looks are still acceptable and my lip-synching skills are getting better all the time.

I thought that maybe the Miss Gay America competition might provide an outlet for my hankering, but after viewing the film, I think I will have to look elsewhere. I know I could compete with the other contestants except in the talent competition. Like I said, most of the contestant are pros, so their talents/acts were very professional with staging, back-up dancers, etc. that would leave a mere lip-syncher like me in the dust.

Perhaps I can come up with a twist to my lip-synching that would make it more unique, but until then, wearing the Miss Gay America crown will remain a far-off dream.

genderfork and the boy-chick

I came upon Genderfork a few days ago and added it to my blog list.

Genderfork announces that it "explores androgyny and gender variance through artistic photography and other neat stuff."

And it is definitely "neat," but what interested me even more is that it is youth-oriented, more so than a blog like Femulate, which seems to attract a more mature crowd (not that there is anything wrong with that).

Genderfork provides an outlet for the young gender variant crowd, which I think is absolutely wonderful.

I am a little jealous because when I was young, there were no outlets for gender variant kids like me. For all I knew back then, there was something very wrong with me, so I kept my "problem" closeted for a very long time.

I wonder where I would be today if I was able to openly express my gender variance when I was young. Maybe I would have become a professional female impersonator. Maybe I would be living as a female 24/7. Maybe... maybe... maybe...

Anyway, I am very happy for today's kids. They have opportunities I never had and hopefully, they will use those opportunities to live their lives as they desire, not as society desires.

more tall ladies of note

Since my last Famous Females of Height List update, I have received additions from you readers. I thank you for your input.

Here are the latest tall ladies of note that I added to the Big List:

5’8” – Michaela Conlin – actress – TV: Bones – from Dani O

5'9" – Maxine Bahns – actress – films: The Brothers McMullen, She's the One – from me

5’9”– Paula Creamer – pro golfer – from Petra Bellejambes

5’9” – Emily Deschanel – actress, producer – TV: Bones – from Dani O

5’9” – Natalie Gulbis – pro golfer – from Petra Bellejambes

5'9" – Misty May-Treanor – Volleyball gold medalist – from Suzanne Moore

5'10" – Karen Elson – model – from Lee

5'10" – Alexandra Paul – actress – TV: Baywatch – from Lee

5’10” – Anna Rawson – pro golfer – from Petra Bellejambes

5'11" – Adrianne Palicki (photo above right) – actress – TV: Friday Night Lights – from me

6’3” – Kerri Walsh – Volleyball gold medalist – from Suzanne Moore

the other sweater dress

Originally, I planned to go out en femme twice during my roadtrip this past week, but snow on Monday evening cancelled one night out.

I did bring two outfits to wear for my two planned outings. I did not  want to waste packing for two, so I modeled the second outfit (the other sweater dress that I recently bought from Vicky’s) for my Canon Powershot.

The best photo of the shoot appears above right.

what’s on your mind?

Reflecting on my Wednesday evening out en femme, I realized that I tried to read the minds of everyone I encountered while I was out.

This was not a one time occurrence. Rather, it occurs any time I am out en femme.

Reviewing Wednesday evening is a good example of what I do.

the smoker

As I exited the hotel to drive to the restaurant, a young man was smoking a cigarette outside the exit. As I walked out the door, he gave me the once-over and I began trying to read his mind:

Why are you checking me out? Do I look pretty to you or do I look pretty bad? Am I the first tranny you ever saw? Just in case, I will sashay to my car to try to affirm my womanhood in your eyes.

the maître d’

Entering the restaurant, I encountered a 30-something maître d’. He smiled, welcomed me, and asked to take my coat.

As I removed my coat, I began mind-reading:

Do you think I am a woman or a man in a dress? Are you treating me nicely because you don’t care what I am, as long as I have money to spend or are you treating me nicely because I am an attractive female customer?

After he took my coat, he asked me to wait a second while he checked to see what tables were available and I continued mind-reading:

Are you looking for a table in a dark corner to hide the tranny or are you just looking for a table for one?

Turned out that the table was on the veranda amidst other customers.

the busgirl

After the maître d’ showed me to my table, a pretty 20-something busgirl came to my table to remove the extra place setting. She smiled broadly as she said “Good evening.”

After I returned my “good evening,” I tried to read her mind;

Why are you smiling at me like that? Are you on the verge of laughing at the man in a dress or are you just being very cordial?

the waiter

Next, a 20-something waiter arrived to take my drink order. He also had a big smile on his face and was very cordial.

Are you on the verge of laughing at me, too? Has the word spread amongst the whole restaurant staff that a tranny customer is in their midst?

the rest of the waitstaff

It seems I had the only male waiter in the restaurant. The other two that I saw were female and were young and pretty to boot. When I caught their eye, they smiled and said, “Hello.”

Are you checking out the tranny, too, or are you just being cordial?

the two women

Two women customers sat opposite me at a table situated 90 degrees to mine. If I looked straight ahead, I looked at them. I did not want to be rude, so I tried looking out the window to my left or into the restaurant on my right, but my vision always reverted back to them and I am sure they were aware of my predicament.

Finally, the younger of the two looked my way, caught my eye, smiled and asked me, “How are you?”

That broke the ice and we three made pleasant small talk for awhile and as I wrote in my previous blog posting, they seemed to accept me as another woman, but that did not stop my mind-reading:

Was my voice too low when I last spoke? Did I give myself away? Did I put some doubts in their mind about my womanhood? Will they kick me out of the “girls’ club” now?

If they had any doubts, they did not indicate it because we continued speaking off and on until they left.

and so it goes

That’s me: always the perfectionist, never satisfied, always worried that my femulation is lacking in some way.

Mind-reading does not prevent me from enjoying my times out en femme, but I wonder if I would find more enjoyment if I did not worry.

On the other hand, maybe my concern about my femulation makes me a better femulator. I want to be the best woman I can be, so perhaps the mind-reading helps me to achieve that goal.

accepted into the club

I left work at 5:30 PM and returned to my hotel room five minutes later to prepare for an evening out en femme.

I femulated in record time: less than 75 minutes. I wore my new sweater dress from Victoria's Secret, dark brown tights, and my black patent peep-toe platform slingback pumps (my favorite pair of shoes these days... they are very high heels, very sexy, very comfy, and very very).

I asked one of my female co-workers who lives locally what nice restaurants were in the area. She suggested three and I was familiar with one because I passed it on my way to work. It was in an old Victorian house, which was very picturesque and only one mile from my hotel, so that is where I planned to dine.

Leaving my hotel room was a little exciting. My boss and some other co-workers were staying in the same hotel on the same floor just down the hall from me. So, I opened the door slowly and peeked down the hall. It was all clear, so I exited to my car conveniently parked just outside the nearest exit, which was adjacent to my room.

I arrived at the restaurant and a 30-something fellow greeted me and asked to take my coat (what a gentleman!). He seated me on the veranda at a table for two.

The veranda was full, but I sat with my back to most of the other customers. However, there were two women seated adjacent to me, one about my age and one maybe 20 years younger. They engaged me in conversation and we talked about the weather, where we lived, and the dessert menu among other things. They let me join their club (the Girl's Club) and it was wonderful!

Dinner was excellent and the waitstaff treated me perfectly. Being a college town, they all seemed to be college-aged, but I could be wrong. I asked my waiter to take my photo and he happily obliged; that photo accompanies this post.

The waitstaff was in no hurry and neither was I, so I spent nearly two hours in the restaurant. I reluctantly left around 9 PM, returned to my hotel, and found a parking spot right in front of the main entrance, which was ideal for checking out in the morning.

Although my boss and co-workers were staying in the hotel, I felt confident that no one would recognize me as long as they did not see me enter (or exit) my room. So I strutted my stuff through the main entrance and the lobby with my high heels clicking loudly on the marble floor.

I returned to my room without encountering any co-workers, stayed en femme for awhile and cherished the moments out en femme.

out en femme tomorrow

Wednesday evening, I plan to go out to dinner en femme.

I will have a full report here as soon as possible.

left or a right?

Is there is a disproportionate left handedness among the transgendered?

Take Leslie Ann's poll and we will find out.

roadtrip - day 1

I spent half the day on the road. About 30 minutes after arriving at my destination, it began snowing, so I decided not to go out en femme this evening.

Tuesday evening, I will be dining with my boss, so it looks like Wednesday evening will be my next chance to go out en femme.

just one of those days

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a period of adjustment

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rent the runway

Back in the fall, when I was looking for a dress to wear to the formal I attended in November, I received an e-mail inviting me to visit a new web site called Rent the Runway.

The concept of Rent the Runway (RTR) is to rent (not buy) designer gowns off the fashion runway to wear to a formal, semi-formal or whatever event you desired. You pick the dress you wanted for the date you wanted and RTR mailed it to you in two sizes, in case the size you originally picked does not fit. After the event, you mail the dresses back using a prepaid mailing package.

This made perfect sense to me.

I have a small collection of formal and semi-formal dresses that I only wore once or twice and that I will probably never wear again. Going the RTR route, I could rent a designer gown, wear it to an event, shock and awe the other attendees, then send it back the morning after (RTR takes care of the dry cleaning).

The rental fees are reasonable considering the original price tag of the dresses (a price I could ill afford unless I was buying my wedding gown). For example, I could rent the Diane von Furstenberg (my favorite designer) dress pictured above for $75; its retail price is $625.

I perused the dress selection and there were lots of dresses calling my name, so I signed up and picked out a dress to wear to my November formal. Then, I sadly discovered that RTR's dress selection only goes up to Size 12. Close, but no cigar. Maybe if I lose a few more pounds and have a few ribs removed... nevermind.

So, RTR was not for me, but if you are a Size 12 or smaller, it might be a good deal for you.

the Letterman thing

On The Tonight Show last year, Conan O'Brien told a joke at the expense of the transgender community. I was disappointed and the joke left a sour taste in my mouth because I like O'Brien.

A few nights ago, the same thing occurred on David Letterman's The Late Show, that is, a joke was told at the expense of the transgender community. I was very disappointed because I like Letterman much more than I like O'Brien.

I know that I shouldn't take these things personally, but I do. It is like your favorite uncle telling you that you are fat.

There is no need to make jokes at the expense of an innocent and downtrodden group of people. Letterman should stick to jokes about Sarah Palin; she deserves it, but my trans brothers, sisters and I don't deserve to be the butt of any jokes.

P.S. Last night, Jay Leno told a joke on his show that was at the expense of the transgender community. I was not disappointed because I don't like Leno. I don't expect much from him, so he never disappoints me.

P.P.S. The beautiful woman in the photo above is Amanda Simpson. President Obama recently appointed her to a position in the U.S. Commerce Department and that appointment was the basis of the jokes by Letterman and Leno, not to mention much discontent from the conservative side of the political spectrum.

roadtrip next week

Monday morning, the first thing the boss tells me is that I have to go on a roadtrip next week, which means I will have three evenings to myself to do whatever I please.

What pleases me the most is to go out en femme, so I will bring along my femulation gear and be Staci Lana at least one night of the three.

I will definitely do dinner and maybe some shopping. I am already looking forward to it!

the new macho cocktail dress

I buy online and as a result, I receive e-mails from the retailers I patronize.

One of the retailers that sends me an e-mail daily is Newport News. Today’s e-mail advertised their “new, femme cargo pant.”

I looked at the pants and the only thing feminine about the pants are the female models wearing them. I imagine the pants are cut and sized for females, but otherwise they look exactly like homme cargo pants.

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, so I would not put it past a retailer trying to palm off women’s clothing on the male population by calling the women’s wear “macho” or “manly” or somesuch with males modeling the clothing.

Works for me!

Should I Femulate?

Readers of this blog may be interested in reading the current post and comments on Calie's blog titled "Should I Femulate?"

winning ways

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How To Make Larger Feet Look Smaller

Updated Below

I wear a woman's size 11 Wide in shoes. Sometimes a size 11 Regular or 10-1/2 Wide will fit, too, but usually it's an 11 Wide for me.

No matter which size fits, I still have big feet for a woman.

Over the years, I have learned to avoid shoes with pointed toes. They add unnecessary length to the shoe and just make my foot look bigger.

I have no other secrets on how to make my feet look smaller or, at least, not bigger, until now.

Since I love my woman's shoes, I subscribe to Zappos.com Daily Shoe Digest e-mail list and on Friday, one of the topics on the list was "How To Make Larger Feet Look Smaller."

Here are the pertinent e-mails on the topic:

Angie started the ball rolling with, "I have wear a size 11 shoe and hate wearing actual shoes with shorts because my feet always look enormous when I do. I am very self conscious about how large my feet are in many cases and I was wondering if there were any shoes that gave the effect of smaller feet and are still attractive looking that I would feel better about wearing."

Niki responded, "Any shoe that lifts your heel off the ground a more than a flat does would give the effect of an overall shorter foot. You could get away with a 1-1/2" to 2" espadrille wedge with shorts. Because your foot is bent to accommodate the higher heel, it really is physically shorter from toe to heel when measured on a flat surface."

Jeanne wrote, "Large feet are beautiful, learn to love them as they are. If you still want to shorten the look a bit, find a gladiator style that has lots of straps that are more on the delicate side than the thick and rugged side, because the multitude of straps will break up your feet and make them appear a bit smaller, and a more delicate series of straps will not add a bulky look. Also, go for a dark/er nail polish."

Finger Laker wrote, "If your feet are healthy, who cares how big they are! Size 11 is pretty average this day and age.

"PS. Try Mary Jane's...they visually make the foot look shorter."

TJ wrote, "You want to avoid pointy toe shoes. Rounded toes, squared toes make your foot look smaller. The shortest vamp designs make them look the smallest. This is the length from the toe to the throat of the shoe. Tailored ballerina styles are famous for making your feet look smaller. Dressy loafers too if the vamp is short, like many of the newer styles. There are probably more designs too, but these I know work.

Lori wrote, "These are the tricks I've found over the last 40+ years for making my
feet appear smaller:

"1. Opened back shoes like mules or clogs give the impression is that your foot is only as long as the clog.

"2. Medium vamps are best. Short vamps can expose too much skin; long vamps (especially those up to the ankle) give you Frankenfeet.

"3. At least an inch heel.

"4. Arch support if you have flat feet...reduces the boat effect.

"5. Shoes with seams, straps or details that run crosswise can help the foot look wider and shorter.

"6. Pointed toe shoes not only look longer, but they also actually add some length to your foot (but if you have shapely, willowy legs ala Nicole Kidman go for it...no one will be looking at your feet!). Rounded toes are best...square toes can be okay too.

"Sometimes I find a great shoe that uses none of these tricks...they just work. Bottom line: Make sure the shoe fits as foot problems later in life are HUGE drag! And remember, when I was young, there were few styles available for long feet and they were EXTREMELY ugly and made me feel & look like a freak. The selection now is so much better for women with long feet...and for the first time I can go a little shoe crazy."

***

I hope you will find those tips useful.

And if you are interested, you can subscribe to Zappos.com Daily Shoe Digest here.

***

UPDATE: Another response to the question appeared in Monday's installment of Zappos.com Daily Shoe Digest:

Cindy TX wrote, "Avoid shoes with chunky soles and stitching outside the edge of the sole where they meet the shoe. And avoid added decoration, like a bow, at the back of the shoe; it would add visual length. Ankle ties - like some sandals and espadrilles have - would also add to the visual size of the foot.

"Try for wedge heels that cut under toward the bottom; it provides the optical illusion of a shorter shoe. For dressier shoes, Louie heels are good: they go forward into a nice curve; plus, they add visual curve to the calf."

UPDATE: Wednesday's installment of Zappos.com Daily Shoe Digest had two more responses:

Pam responded, "I wear a size 9 and Earth Shoes make my feet look absolutely petite. Some people can't wear the negative heel. I find it stretching and relaxing for my leg. Some don't like rounded toe box, but I prefer them over pointier shoes that I find 'bend' at the point after very few wearings.

India wrote, "I wear a 12 narrow - sometimes 13N in VanEli shoes -- and anything that is multi-colored or multi-textured tends to make your feet look shorter. I have a pair of black leather and patent (toe is patent with a little bow) flats. I have had them re-soled 3 times. My 12N feet look two sizes smaller. Loafers also make your feet look smaller. I agree that dainty, thin strappy shoes are flattering, as well as loafers."

my dream diary

I have been documenting all my trans-related dreams here and this is a new entry.

Last night, I dreamed I was preparing to play a woman's part in a stage play.

That is all I remember.

A Major Award

Petra Bellejambes of Voyages en Rose fame bestowed a major award upon yours truly: the Beautiful Blogger Award.

Sure I am a "blogger," but I dunno about the "beautiful" part. However, I am honored to receive recognition for this little spot on the Internet. Thank you, Petra, for the tribute.

The award does come with the some responsibilities.

1. I must thank the person who bestowed this honor upon me. Thank you again, Petra.

2. Copy the award and place it on my blog. Done.

3. Link to the bestowers’ site. Done.

4. Enumerate seven interesting things about yourself. Here they are:

• I own 64 pairs of shoes; two male pairs, 62 female pairs.

• I am such a perfectionist, i.e., anal retentive, that I actually counted my shoes before I wrote the previous entry.

• I attended the original Woodstock Music & Art Fair back in 1969.

• My first book sold enough copies to pay off the mortgage on my first house.

• I have an excellent sense of humor.

• I am a left-wing liberal and an atheist.

• I wanted to be a female impersonator when I grew up.

5. Nominate seven bloggers that you find beautiful. Here are my nominees for the Beautiful Blogger Award (in alphabetical order):

• Calie at Calie's Chronicles

• Diana at Diana’s Little Corner in the Nutmeg State

• Elaine Armen at Elaine's T* Art Blog

• Helen Boyd at en|Gender

• Jenna Elizabeth at Non-Cisgender

• Jodie Morgetron at Tres Bizarre

• Rebecca at Beck's Cafe

All seven of my nominees are bloggers, who are classically beautiful and most deserving of the award. Congratulations to them all.

last lengthy additions of 2009

Femulate closes 2009 with some new additions to the Famous Females of Height List:

5'8" - Marisa Miller - model

5’8” – Rosalind Russell – actress - films - born in my hometown

5'9" - Bar Refaeli - model

5'9" - Diane Sawyer - news reporter - television

5'11" - Brooke Hogan - singer - daughter of Hulk Hogan

5'11" - Hilary Rhoda - model (photo right)

6'3" - Katrina Hancock - sports reporter (Detroit area) - television

6'8" - Amazon Eve - model

Thank you Elaine Armen and JayCee for the Amazon Eve info, Meg Winters for Hilary Rhoda, Susan McDonnell for Katrina Hancock , and Suzanne Moore for Brooke Hogan.

my knee jerk

The story about the Pawlenty Newsweek interview came over the mojo wire late Monday night just as I was preparing to go to bed.

I was so outraged by the story that I quickly wrote about it here, then went to bed. In my outrage, I called Pawlenty a "Nazi" in both the title and text of my blog.

Next morning, I awoke and started having writer's regrets about calling Pawlenty a "Nazi."

To justify my name calling, I added the "update" to the post, which summarized the persecution of LGBT folks under the Nazi regime.

I still had writer's regrets and midday yesterday, I struck the word "Nazi" from the blog's title and replaced it with "transphobic." (I also struck that word from the first line of the post and replaced it with nothing.)

"Transphobic" was such a better choice than "Nazi." If I had not been so hasty publishing the original post, I like to think I would have used "transphobic" in the first place (after I calmed down about the story).

Sorry if I offended anybody with my first choice. Pawlenty is no more a "Nazi" than Obama is a "socialist," "communist," "fascist," or any other name the tea-baggers like to use when referring to our President.

On the other hand, what Pawlenty suggested is certainly on the road to a place I do not want to see our country go and he should be called out on it.

a proud parent

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Beware: transphobic Pawlenty wants to be our next president

Transgender advocates slammed Pawlenty over anti-transgender remarks in Newsweek interview.

Read all about it here.

UPDATE: Below is a brief history (courtesy of Wikipedia) of how the Nazi regime persecuted LGBTs. Don't think for a minute that certain factions on the right would not like to see the same thing happen in the USA; Pawlenty's pandering to these groups just strengthens their resolve and he deserves to be called out on it.

"In late February 1933, as the moderating influence of Ernst Röhm weakened, the Nazi Party launched its purge of homosexual (gay, lesbian, and bisexual; then known as homophile) clubs in Berlin, outlawed sex publications, and banned organized gay groups. As a consequence, many fled Germany (e.g., Erika Mann, Richard Plaut). In March 1933, Kurt Hiller, the main organizer of Magnus Hirschfeld's Institute of Sex Research, was sent to a concentration camp.

"On May 6, 1933, Nazi Youth of the Deutsche Studentenschaft made an organised attack on the Institute of Sex Research. A few days later the Institute's library and archives were publicly hauled out and burned in the streets of the Opernplatz. Around 20,000 books and journals, and 5,000 images, were destroyed. Also seized were the Institute's extensive lists of names and addresses of LGBT people. In the midst of the burning, Joseph Goebbels gave a political speech to a crowd of around 40,000 people. Hitler initially protected Röhm from other elements of the Nazi Party which held his homosexuality to be a violation of the party's strong anti-gay policy. However, Hitler later changed course when he perceived Röhm to be a potential threat to his power. During the Night of the Long Knives in 1934, a purge of those who Hitler deemed threats to his power took place. He had Röhm murdered and used Röhm's homosexuality as a justification to suppress outrage within the ranks of the SA. After solidifying his power, Hitler would include gay men among those sent to concentration camps during the Holocaust.

"Himmler had initially been a supporter of Röhm, arguing that the charges of homosexuality against him were manufactured by Jews. But after the purge, Hitler elevated Himmler's status and he became very active in the suppression of homosexuality. He exclaimed, 'We must exterminate these people root and branch... the homosexual must be eliminated.' (Plant, 1986, p. 99).
Memorial to Gay Victims of the Holocaust in Berlin (its inscription: Totgeschlagen - Totgeschwiegen (Struck Dead - Hushed Up))

"Shortly after the purge in 1934, a special division of the Gestapo was instituted to compile lists of gay individuals. In 1936, Heinrich Himmler, Chief of the SS, created the 'Reich Central Office for the Combating of Homosexuality and Abortion.'

"Gays were not initially treated in the same fashion as the Jews, however; Nazi Germany thought of German gay men as part of the 'Master Race' and sought to force gay men into sexual and social conformity. Gay men who would or could not conform and feign a switch in sexual orientation were sent to concentration camps under the 'Extermination Through Work' campaign.

"More than one million gay German men were targeted, of whom at least 100,000 were arrested and 50,000 were serving prison terms as convicted gay men. Hundreds of European gay men living under Nazi occupation were castrated under court order.

"Some persecuted under these laws would not have identified themselves as gay. Such 'anti-homosexual' laws were widespread throughout the western world until the 1960s and 1970s, so many gay men did not feel safe to come forward with their stories until the 1970s when many so-called 'sodomy laws' were repealed.

"Lesbians were not widely persecuted under Nazi anti-gay laws, as it was considered easier to persuade or force them to comply with accepted heterosexual behavior. However, they were viewed as a threat to state values and were often branded 'anti-social.'"

when the high heel shoe is on the other foot

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2009: my favorite year (so far)

Year-end reviews appear everywhere this time of year*, so I thought I would jump on the bandwagon and present my own year-end review.

This was a banner year for me and my blog.

Femulate readership more than doubled during 2009. A year ago, Femulate averaged just under 1500 hits per day; today, the blog averages over 3000 hits per day.

A year ago, 600 first-time visitors showed up per day; today, that average is 1300 per day.

Most telling is the repeat visitor statistic. A year ago, repeat visitors averaged 150 per day. Today, that statistic has more than tripled with an average of 475 repeat visitors per day! So, thank you to all my loyal readers.

There were two significant spikes in hits during the past year.

The first occurred during my trip to New York City. The hit count jumped as I began penning my trip diary and the count remained steady until the end of that diary. Then there was a hit count drop-off as the summer Internet doldrums kicked in.

The second significant spike occurred a few days before Halloween. It was as if everyone's femulation alarm clocks sounded off at the same time. But unlike the June jump in hits, a drop-off did not follow and the hit count has been impressive ever since with an all-time high hit count of 3628 occurring on December 1.

Enough with the statistics. On a personal front, this has been a fantastic year for me.

I have absolutely no fear about going out anywhere en femme. That was pretty much fait accompli in 2008, but this year, I was able to overcome the one big fear I still had when I went out: encounters with males.

I had no trouble mixing it up with females, but I avoided males whenever possible. In general, I think females (except those who may be "family") are more accepting of transwoman than males.

When I encounter females when I am out en femme, some may not figure me out and as a result, they just treat me like another female. Those who do figure me out seem to respect my desire to be a member of their club and they also treat me like another female. I can count on one hand the negative encounters I have had with females when I am en femme.

Males are something else altogether. I worried how males would react if they figured me out when I was out en femme. I did not want to find out the hard way, so that is why I avoided males. On the other hand, it is impossible to avoid all encounters with males and I can truly say that I cannot recall any negative encounters with the males I could not avoid, but I still continued to avoid them whenever I could.

Visiting New York City for four days en femme, I realized that it would be difficult to avoid the millions of males that populate Manhattan. I overcame the problem the very first evening I was in the Big Apple.

I had checked into my hotel and had changed into female mode for a night out with some local trans friends. While I was waiting to go out, I was adjusting the thermostat in my hotel room and managed to knock out the air conditioning. It was warm and I did not want to be without AC, so I called the front desk, and they said they would send up a repairmen.

In the past, I would have gotten back into boy mode as quickly as I could so I would not have to face the repairman en femme, but that evening, I decided that the repairman would not be the last male I would encounter during my NYC visit, so I remained en femme.

The repairman arrived, reset the AC, and was out the door in less than two minutes. He was pleasant and interacted with me as if nothing was amiss (other than the AC).

That interaction with the repairman set the tone for the rest of my stay in NYC as well as the rest of my stay on the planet Earth. I no longer fear encounters with males and I stopped avoiding them.

During my stay in NYC, I had no negative encounters with males. In fact, I had some positive encounters. Two males addressed me as "hon" (as in short for "honey"). And another male blew me a kiss while I was shopping in Sephora.

Those positive encounters convinced me that I was successfully passing as a female some of the time (and if you can make it as a female in New York City, you can make it as a female anywhere). My confidence was at an all-time high and has remained at that level ever since.

On another personal note, I came to the realization this year that I am a woman.

As I wrote in November, "I am not a woman trapped in a man's body, I am really a woman. I think as a woman, I emote as a woman, I act as a woman, I speak as a woman, and whenever the opportunity arises, I present as a woman. To most of my acquaintances I am the most womanly male they know and that's because I really am a woman.

"True, my container is male (more or less), but its contents are 100% female.

"I am very adverse to fooling around with my container. Many things can go wrong and so far, my container has held up pretty well, so why mess with it. As a result, I have no interest in taking hormones or having surgery to modify my container so that it matches its contents.

"I am very happy being a woman and very glad that I am not a 'man.' I might be happier if I could present as a woman all of the time, but I have made choices in my life that make that impossible. So I live part-time as a male and part-time as a female, but no matter how I live, I am a woman all the time.

So that summarizes my year.

I accomplished a lot (I even managed to lose 10 pounds) and I am very happy with myself these days.

What will next year bring?

I am very excited about the prospects and wonder what I will be writing about one year from now.

* When else would you expect a year-end review, Bozo?

dressing with a little help from my friends

Click on the image to enlarge it.

Happy Christmas

Have yourself a merry little Christmas!

Love,

Staci

(And here is another photo from my Wednesday evening visit to the Mohegan Sun casino.)

my amazing Amazon evening

Yesterday, I had a spectacular outing en femme.

I was dressed and out the door at 4 PM and drove to Middletown to dine with friends at an upscale restaurant. I was the first to arrive. A waitress seated me at our table and I ordered a mango martini.

My friends arrived a few minutes later: Maryann and Carole, the couple I have done outreach with so many times in the past, Robin and Arline, another couple who I have known for years, and one of my oldest trans friends, Diana.

Surprise! After Diana arrived, she announced that she was buying my dinner (in appreciation for some editing I have done for her recently). Thank-you, Diana.

The dinner and dinner conversation were excellent.

I told everyone that I was undecided about going to the Mohegan Sun casino after dinner. I was a little nervous about going by myself and needed a little encouragement.

Robin provided the encouragement. She has been to the casino numerous times en femme and said that I would have "no problem."

We departed around 7:15 PM and I drove 40 minutes to the casino. I never use valet parking, but it was so cold last night, I did not feel like walking through a damp, cold, and dimly-lit parking garage, so I pulled up to the entrance of the casino, gave the valet my car keys, and sashayed inside. I checked my coat and was ready to have some fun at the "Sun."

I immediately noticed that I was one of the few women in the casino wearing a dress (and a very nice dress at that). As a result, I caught men and women eyeing me at various times during my visit.

You can never be sure if they are looking because you are looking good or because you are looking trans, however, I do know I passed some of the time because while I was walking through the casino shopping mall, a guy who walked by me in the opposite direction remarked to his friends, "Did you see the Amazon?"

Furthermore, I did not hear a discouraging word during my visit. So, on the passing front, it was a very encouraging night.

The casino does not permit photography inside the casino, so I walked through the shopping mall looking for a place to take a photo and looking for someone to take the photo. When I found a photogenic spot, I asked the first friendly-looking woman I saw to take my photo and she happily agreed to do so (the result accompanies this blog posting).

Another reason I was in the mall was to check out the night club and get in some dancing, but the night club was not very busy. I imagine that on a Wednesday nights, the joint is usually not hopping, so I skipped the nightclub.

On the gambling front, I decided to gamble $100, no more, no less. I only play 25-cent slot machines, so I figured that $100 should be more than adequate for my two- or three-hour visit.

Immediately, I won $50, so I played with the casino's money for awhile, but I eventually fed their $50 and my $50 into their machines.

I had made up my mind to leave the casino at 10:30 PM. I was about $20 into my second $50 at about 10:15, when I sat down at what I figured would be the last slot machine of the evening. On my fifth or sixth spin, I won $150. Perfect timing. I collected my winnings, collected my coat and the valet collected my car with me tipping the coat check man and valet generously.

Last night was the first time I ever accessorized with a scarf. The scarf I wore was one of my deceased Mother's scarves; I felt that she was with me throughout the evening and may have brought me some luck at the slot machines. Thank-you, Mom!

Wednesday outing

I am going out en femme Wednesday evening for a holiday dinner at a nice restaurant with some friends from the transworld.

After dinner, I am not sure what I am going to do.

Maybe I will go to Mohegan Sun casino. Do a little gambling, do a little drinking, do a little dancing, and have a lot of fun.

I plan to wear the retro Mad Men-inspired apple green dress that I bought at Dress Barn back in September. (I tried it on this morning and it looks spectacular!)

Needless to say, a full report will follow on Christmas Eve or thereabouts.

something borrowed

Click on the image to enlarge it.

the challenge continues

Tuesday before Thanksgiving, I mentioned how I lost ten pounds since mid-September and I wanted to keep it off, so Thanksgiving would be a challenge for me.

Well, I made it through Thanksgiving and the food- and drink-filled weeks that followed without gaining a pound. I didn't lose anything, but considering all the temptations before me, I think I have been a very good girl maintaining my weight.

The challenge continues through New Year's Day and two weeks from today, I hope to report that the ten pounds I lost are still lost!

another Kodak moment

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tall Bond ladies

A few days ago, I read an article about James Bond films on the Internet and I realized that some of the actresses in the 007 flicks qualify for the Famous Females of Height List. In fact, two tall 007 actresses (Diana Rigg and Famke Janssen) have been on the list for awhile now.

Here are all the tall actresses and the 007 film they appeared in.

5’8” – Carole Bouquet – For Your Eyes Only

5’8” – Claudine Auger – Thunderball

5’8” – Lois Chiles – Moonraker

5’8” – Lois Maxwell – Miss Moneypenny in numerous James Bond films

5’8’ – Shirley Eaton – Goldfinger

5’9” – Diana Rigg (see photo) – On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

5’9” – Maud Adams – Octopussy

6’0” – Famke Janssen – Goldeneye

femulation par excellence

Click on the image to make it big!

what's good for the gander is good for the gosling

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Christmas shopping success

The two dresses I bought for myself as a Christmas present arrived yesterday and they both fit perfectly!

I can recall the days that dresses from Vickie's were never big enough for me. A little downsizing on my part and a little upsizing by Vicky seems to have made a difference.

last night’s dream

I seldom remember my dreams, but when I do remember a dream, it is usually trans-related.

Overnight, I dreamed I was packing to attend a transgender convention. My mother was helping me pack and offered to lend me anything I needed.

Throughout the dream, I kept refusing whatever items she offered because I already had those items in my wardrobe.

Finally, she said with a knowing smile, “I bet you don’t have any of these.”

And with that, she revealed a storage area in the back of her closet that was full of girdles from the 1950s and 1960s.

That got my attention and as I began perusing the girdles to decide what to borrow, I awoke from my dream.

The dream interests me because I never confided in my mother about my crossdressing. I am sure that she knew, but she never brought up the subject.

Almost to her dying day, she often asked me if there was anything I wanted to tell her. At those times, I thought she was just trying to make conversation, but in retrospect, I think she was offering to lend a friendly ear.

I so regret not confiding in my mother. I believe my life would have been different if I knew my mother supported her “daughter.”

make mine Chanel, too

In The Huffington Post, Morane Barkai, suggests unleashing the lady in the corporate suit.

She writes, “The problem arises when women dress like men would dress if they were women. When that happens, even a breathtaking babe can turn into an asexual android on a mission to kill. Somehow, as she zips her skirt, the ovaries take leave, and in the process of buttoning her shirt, a figurative Adam's apple bulges in her throat.”

Read the rest of the story here.

By the way, being a fanatical film fan, I could not help noting Ms. Barkai’s erroneous statement that Meg Ryan appeared in the film Working Girl. Methinks Ms. Barkai confused Ms. Ryan for Melanie Griffith.

'tis the season...

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don’t raise your boy to be macho

In The Huffington Post, Philip Slater’s writes in his piece titled The Cowardice of Machismo, “We live in a world today… in which women are outnumbering men not only in colleges, but in all the professions, because they aren't mentally crippled by the overwhelming irrelevancy of traditional male gender training -- a training that robs those imbued with it of the mental flexibility necessary to deal with the complex world we actually inhabit. Making boys macho today is condemning them to irrelevance.”

Read the rest of the story here.

fitting in

Three years ago, my company was bought out by another company. A reorganization followed, which resulted in my boss (a male) reporting directly to a female about 20 years his junior.

It was no big surprise since my old company was "old school" with very few females in charge, whereas the new company was a relatively new company with many females in charge in various departments.

One month ago, we had a lay-off. My boss was let go. A male and a female co-worker in my department were also let go. A reorganization followed and my new boss is now a female about 20 years my junior. Also they hired back the female co-worker who was let go, but none of the males that were let go.

My profession was a male bastion for ages. Now my department is run by a female and most of my co-workers are female.

When my profession was a male stronghold, the females in my profession tried to fit into the “old boy’s club.” They wore little or no makeup, their hair was in a short style, and they wore tops and slacks – never a skirt or dress. Their only feminine accoutrements were a purse and maybe some stud earrings.

As my profession becomes a female stronghold, maybe I should try to fit in.

Christmas shopping

Christmas time is here again.

I expect to receive gifts from my family, but none of those gifts will be intended for Staci Lana.

I was very good this year and I think I deserve a gift or two with a frill or two. So as I have done in the past, I purchased a couple of gifts for myself today.

There is a dress sale at Vicky's; what more could a boy like me ask for?

I purchased two sweater dresses (pictured here in the colors I ordered) and now I await their delivery.

Merry Christmas to me!

turn off gene and change your sex

Simple technique changes sex of a mouse – and reveals the gender war that rages in all of us

One of the great dogmas of biology is that gender is fixed from birth, determined by the inheritance of certain genes on the X and Y sex chromosomes. But this simplistic idea has been exploded by the latest study, which demonstrated that fully-developed adult females can undergo a partial sex change following a genetic modification to a single gene.

Read the rest of the story today's edition of The Independent.

(Thank you, Gwen, for alerting me to this article.)

eschew boxes

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G.I. Joe en femme

Click on the image to enlarge it.

transgender regret

Joanne Herman, transgender advocate, transwoman, and author of Transgender Explained For Those Who Are Not, wrote an interesting piece about transgender regret on The Huffington Post.

"Many will have regrets about the consequences of their transition, but few will regret the transition itself. In the unusual case where the consequences were overwhelming enough to prompt a de-transition, the return to the old gender is seldom satisfactory either."

Read the rest of the article here.

a picture is worth a thousand words

At 5' 11", Lily Cole is already on my Famous Females of Height list, but after seeing her photo (right) in today's The Huffington Post standing next to Terry Gilliam at a film premiere, I feel she deserves another mention in Femulate today.

Venezuelan womanless pageant breaks machismo mold

The Huffington Post had this story about the Miss Fat Gay competition in Venezuela.

"There are a lot of macho types who don't like seeing men in women's clothing," added Alberto Maia, 27, Miss Aragua. "It's not easy for us. Machismo is a disease."

Read the rest of the story and view a video here and here.

“the femulated” and my heroes/heroines

Don’t know if you noticed, but I recently changed the title of the femulated images (in the left frame of this blog) from “He Femulated” to “The Femulated.” That change was in response to a reader who pointed out that some of the femulated people I featured there might not cotton to the pronoun “he.” Thus, I made the change to a more gender neutral title.

Actually, “The Femulated” was the original title of the femulated images, but when I changed the title of the upper image from “Femulate This” to “Femulate Her,” I changed the title of the lower image to “He Femulated” in order to complement the upper title.

Also, if I have a good online reference for the femulated individual, I will include a link to that reference in the individual’s name in the image caption. For example, if you click on the name of today’s “The Femulated” femulator, Grayson Perry, it brings up Wikipedia’s entry for the artist.

my heroes/heroines

Grayson Perry/Claire is one of my heroes/heroines, as is Paul Whitehead/Trisha Van Cleef, who I featured over the weekend in “The Femulated” spot. They are people who femulate and make no bones about it. Although they use femme names when they femulate and have dual identities, they do not have secret identities that they hide behind like I do.

Some days, I seriously consider chucking my secret identity and revealing my dual identity. Then, I come to my senses and reconsider taking that step.

The thing is that lately, the days I consider chucking my secret identity are far outnumbering the days I come to my senses.

I am the kind of person that thinks about doing something, then wakes up one day and just does it letting the pieces fall where they may. Some of those pieces turn out to be insignificant and become non-issues, while those fallen pieces that turn out to be more significant work themselves out eventually.

So, maybe 2010 will be the year that I feature myself in “The Femulated” spot with the caption “<my male name>/Staci Lana Hunter, writer.”

his old hobby was drag racing

Click on the image to enlarge it.

TGIF… really!

I have been a very busy, busy, busy girl this week and I am really glad that Friday is here!

Nicole Wears Staci

Viewing the entertainment news on the web this morning, I see one of the premier members of my Famous Females of  Height list, the 5’11’ Nicole Kidman, appearing at the London opening of her latest film, Nine.

I love her outfit; it is so Staci! (I never met a short pleated skirt I didn’t like.) And her shoes are a delight, too (they are “Hamish” from Nine West).

She looks so lovely!

Tuesday Again

After revisiting yesterday’s post and reading your comments, I have additional thoughts about my day out en femme on Tuesday.

To improve our outreach skills, we read the student’s comments/reactions after each class. They are interesting at a minimum and often reveal things we would never know otherwise, so they are very valuable tools.

I ate up the positive comments about my outfit, as well as the comments that some students were flabbergasted when they learned our birth genders.

I was surprised that some of the students were apprehensive about our visit. They did not say what caused their apprehension, but the good news was that their fears disappeared when they learned that we are real people just like they are.

If they all left with that positive impression, I think we did our job.