Wednesday redux

Back to work after a week's vacation, I soon ran into my friend and co-worker, who I saw Wednesday evening when I was en femme attending a conference.

We exchanged "good mornings" and she gave no indication that she saw me on Wednesday evening.

I did not see her until about an hour into the conference even though she was sitting just two rows in front of me, so chances are that she did not see me at all. And if she did see me, she did not seem to recognize me.

'Nuff said.

recent femulations of note

My incoming e-mail revealed two recent femulations of note.

Anonymous e-mailed me about the senior boys of Rains High School in Texas, who participated in a womanless wedding last Saturday. You can view photos from the event here on flickr.

The quality of femulation was very good and some of the girls looked stunning (for example, the young lady in the photo above left).

Paula Grant informed me about Martin Cohn, a male model posing as a female modeling a cocktail dress at Elise Overland's SS10 fashion show on September 13 in New York City. You can read all about it here on Black Book and view Martin's image above right.

The Black Book article claims that Martin wore fake boobs, but I don't think so.

wonderful Wednesday

I went out en femme Wednesday evening wearing my new purple sweater dress (see photo right).

An Aside of Staci --- Making up, I used a mascara with a built-in vibrator, Maybelline's Pulse Perfection™ by Define-A-Lash® Vibrating Mascara. It was the second time I used it. The first time, I was a little hesitant and I really did not let it loose, but on Wednesday, I felt more confident and now I am raving about it.

The vibrator does a more thorough job of painting my lashes than I could ever accomplish applying mascara manually. It even painted lashes that I did not know I had!

Usually, I apply mascara at least three times before I am satisfied. With the vibrating mascara, it did a very thorough job the first time; the second pass was gilding the lily.

A Tip --- If you use a vibating mascara, don't turn on the vibrator until you have the mascara brush positioned on your lashes. After each sweep away from your lashes, turn off the vibrator, then restart it only after you have the brush positioned on your lashes again. This method worked very well for me; your mileage may vary.

All girled-up and out the door, my first stop was my favorite Dress Barn, where I shopped for a new winter coat and a new dress to wear to the formal I will be attending next month.

I found nothing in coats that I liked that fit, but I did find a great dress to wear to the formal. It is retro (like me). As soon as I saw it, I imagined Christina Hendricks wearing it on Mad Men and then I imagined myself wearing it to the formal. It fit like a glove, so I bought it.

My second stop was Avenue where I tried on some sweater coats. Nothing really interested me enough to make a purchase, so I left Avenue empty-handed.

(Actually, I was very unimpressed with the selection of clothing in the store. It was my first time shopping there and I don't think I will go out of my way to shop there again.)

My third and last stop was a Four Points Sheraton hotel, where I would meet my female friend, Holly, and go to a conference she invited me to attend.

The conference was a sales pitch for The Landmark Forum. I knew this going in, so it was not a bait and switch scenario.

It was all very intriguing and I am seriously considering attending the forum. The only drawback is that it is expensive, but I may be able to convince my employer to pay for it.

Speaking of my employer, after we were seated in the conference room with approximately 150 to 200 other attendees, I noticed a woman seated two rows ahead of us, who happens to work with me and is someone I consider as a friend.

Immediately, the gears in my mind begin spinning.

She does not know I am trans. However, about a year ago, shortly after she started working at my place, she stopped by my cubicle and literally checked me out, concentrating on my face. Then she said something like, "I wanted to see what you look like."

I was very puzzled and then she dropped the other shoe: she heard I did drag on Halloween and wanted to see what I looked like en homme. Satisfied, she left my cubicle.

I went to work en femme for a Halloween contest back in 2003. I was surprised that five years later, people were still talking about it. I was curious, so later in the afternoon, I visited her to find out who spilled the beans.

It seems she was in a meeting and joked that the company should have a cross-gender day where all the women come in dressed like men and all the men come in dressed as women (sounds like a great idea to me!). Someone else in the meeting, who has been with the company awhile, chimed in about how well I did drag.

She asked me what I wore and I told her about my pinstripe suit and auburn wig. Then, I told her I would e-mail her a photo, which I did immediately.

She responded that I looked very good, had good taste, and maybe I could do it again if the company decided to have another Halloween event.

I responded that I might wear a costume on Halloween whether there was a special Halloween event or not.

She responded, "Why not."

Since breaking the ice with her then, we have become very friendly and chat frequently. She has become my best female friend at work, but she does not know I am trans.

I wondered if she saw me walk into the conference room Wednesday evening. Even if she did see me, I doubt if she recognized me because I look very different from the photo I sent her, but you never know.

While the sales pitch went on, I considered coming out to her. I know she is very accepting and trustworthy, so I felt I could share my secret with her. Also, since she is the administrator for my division's president, I thought she might be a good ally to have in case I decided to come out at work.

But as soon as there was a break in the sales pitch, she left the conference never to return.

I am on vacation this week, so I will not see her at work until Monday. I will be surprised if she says anything because I don't think she recognized me. I will keep you posted.

Getting back to the conference, over half the attendees were graduates of the program and they were very friendly and outgoing. Some of them were acquaintances of Holly and came over to speak with her. Holly introduced me to each one of them and I joined the conversation if I had anything to add.

No one reacted to me in a negative way. They all were very willing to engage me in conversation.

One woman went out of her way to come over to say to me that she "loved my shoes."

Another woman came over during the break and told me that she knew me. I was sure I did not know her. She listed the possible venues she thought she knew me from, but I was not involved with any of them, so she concluded that I looked very much like another woman. Needless to say, that was very affirming.

At the beginning of the sales pitch, the speaker asked the graduates of the program to volunteer to tell why they invited their guest. Holly raised her hand each time, but she never got called upon. After listening to about 15 graduates tell us why they invited their guests, the speaker told the rest of the graduates to tell their guests one-on-one why they invited them.

Holly turned to me and warmed my heart when she told me why she invited me. She said I am one of her heroes not only because I go out en femme, but more broadly because I persist in expressing my truth in a world that provides very little affirmation for what is true for me.

I still feel a glow when I think about what she said. It made a wonderful evening so perfect!

her royal high-ness

Rania Al Abdullah, the Queen of Jordan, is 5'9" tall and joins our Famous Females of Height list.

out this evening

I am looking forward to going out en femme this evening.

I will be attending an outing among civilians: a seminar at a local hotel. I will meet a female friend, who invited me to the seminar, and we will attend the seminar together.

I also plan to do some shopping before the seminar. I am looking for a dress to wear to the formal I will be attending in November and I am also looking for a new winter coat.

queen complains to princess

August 1967

During the "Summer of Love," I was 16 years old and constantly experimenting with the wardrobes of my mother and sister whenever I was home alone. Always mindful that someone might come home at any minute, I dressed, painted my face, posed in the mirror, then reversed the process as quickly as possible.

I was confused as can be, but I knew what I liked and I liked dressing up and making up and becoming a young woman even for a few fleeting minutes. I cherished my girl-time alone, but I had no idea where it would all lead.

One day, I thought I found the answer in the August 11, 1967, issue of Life magazine.

In the news section of that issue was a short article titled "Now the Mini has a man in it." According to the article, "In a 'spontaneous' fashion happening miniskirts for men have begun showing up in Paris, Munich, London and Tokyo." The article included photos of miniskirted men (see above) in Europe and Japan

I was surprised, but I was also very happy because I naively assumed that the fad would catch on and it would not be long before boys in the USA would be wearing miniskirts, too. Then, I could go public wearing the skirts and dresses I loved.

It didn't happen. I waited patiently, but that fad never caught on. However, eventually, I did go public wearing the skirts and dresses I loved.

C'est la vie.

gray Sunday

The weather is gray and wet and I am staying indoors fighting a head cold.

I have an invitation to go out en femme Wednesday evening, so I hope to be rid of this cold by then.

It should be an interesting evening out Wednesday attending a seminar where the majority of attendees will be civilians, i.e., non-trans-people. So, I am looking forward to it.

The silver lining in the yesterday's cloud (where I ruined two dresses in the wash) is that I have to shop for new dresses to replace the ones I ruined. So, if I am out of the house early enough, I hope to get in a little shopping en femme, too.

good luck raising that gender-neutral child

In this interesting Salon article, Lise Eliot explains how slight biological differences in boys and girls can turn into a yawning divide in adults.

a dream come true

Yesterday, I wrote about my dream from the previous night.

As you may recall, I wrote that during my dream, "I noticed a large orange-colored stain in the lap area of my dress, but I was perplexed as to the source of the stain."

Today, I laundered five dresses. When I pulled the dresses out of the washing machine, two were ruined with large orange stains.

I assume that there was still some bleach in the washing machine from the previous load of clothing and that the bleach did the damage.

What a nightmare!

last night's dream

I seldom remember my dreams and when I do remember a dream, it is usually trans-related.

Overnight, I dreamed I was out en femme. I cannot recall where I went or what I did. However, I do recall wearing a black sheath dress.

At the end of my outing en femme, I noticed a large orange-colored stain in the lap area of my dress, but I was perplexed as to the source of the stain. I wondered if maybe I went out with the dress already stained.

And so it goes.

traveling exhibit focuses on transgender people

From today's edition of the San Luis Obispo Tribune:

"Arthur Robinson Williams wants his fellow medical students to know more about the unique challenges of patients who are lesbian, gay, transgender and bisexual."

"So he has produced a traveling documentary exhibit, "My Right Self: Transgender Considerations." It's composed of 25 photos and personal stories. Each photo is accompanied by the subject's words. Each person and their partner tells their intimate story about their decision to change gender and how it affected their lives and relationships."

Read the rest of the story here and visit the My Right Self Web site here.

dressing Jude Law in drag

The headline reads:

"Jude Law in Drag! 'Rage' Costume Designer Talks About the Actor's Custom-Made Wedding Gown"

Read all about it here.

5'10" x 2

Lately, one of the cable movie channels has been playing the 1971 film Cold Turkey incessantly. The female lead in the film is Pippa Scott (above left) and in a few scenes of the film, I noticed that she was right up there height-wise with the male lead Dick Van Dyke. Upon further investigation, I discovered that Ms. Scott is 5'10" and deserves a spot on the Famous Females of Height List.

Just as I was dotting the I's and crossing the T's on the previous paragraph, a missive from Peaches came in over the DSL informing me that television actress Roma Maffia (above right) of Nip/Tuck and Boston Legal fame was also 5'10" and deserves a spot on "the List."

"new" adventures in femulation

I added two stories to my collection of adventures in femulation:

fantasia fair, a diary describing my experience attending that transworld-renowned week-long event for the first time in October 2008. (That's me in the photo all ready for a Fantasia Fair evening outing.)

womanhattan, a diary recounting my five-day stay en femme in New York City in June 2009.

dining and shopping

I am still tweaking the blog's Web pages.

In addition to fixing things I missed, I updated two of "My Adventures in Femulation," dining out en femme and shopping en femme.

Things have changed for the better since I originally wrote those pieces. I now go everywhere and anywhere to dine and shop en femme without thinking twice. The updates reflect this change for the better.

a half million

Overnight, the hit counter of this blog passed the half million mark!

I enjoy writing this blog and I am honored that so many of you come back to read what I write.

Thank you for your continued support!

a formal in my future

I will be attending a formal, black tie affair this fall.

One Big Event is a "benefit celebration" for the Hartford Gay and Lesbian Health Collective. The event will be held on November 14 at the Hilton Hotel in downtown Hartford.

Some of my trans friends are attending and asked me to join them. This is a big local event and besides the GLBT crowd, there usually are local politicians and celebrities in attendance.

Like I said, it is a formal affair and I have "nothing" to wear. That is not true; I just have to decide what to wear from the "Staci Collection." I have a couple of vintage items I have never worn out and I am seriously considering wearing them. Then again, something new and to-die-for may come along and catch my attention

I have a lot of time to make up my mind!

the color purple

For the last three weeks, I have been trying to chase down a cable sweater dress that I saw on the Dress Barn web site. None of the Dress Barns around here have the dress in stock yet.

With a 20% off coupon expiring today, I decided to visit Dress Barn again hoping that the cable sweater dress had arrived. No luck, but they had a purple cable sweater dress in stock. It has short sleeves, a turtleneck collar, falls just above my knees, and now is hanging in my closet.

Funny that just yesterday, I mentioned to my friend Patty that I was sick and tired of all the purples I've seen in the fall collections, then the next thing you know, I am adding another purple item to my wardrobe!

under construction

GeoCities, which hosts all of this blog's external pages, is going away next month. As a result, I am in the process of moving all my external pages to Google Sites. So, if an external page does not come up when you click on its link or if you discover a problem on an external page, please let me know so I can fix it.

GeoCities was the place where many trans people (like me) built their first personal Web sites and I feel sad about its upcoming demise.

In addition to moving all of my blog's external Web pages to Google Sites, I made some other changes.

I changed the caption of the FEMULATE THIS: image to FEMULATE HER:

I changed the caption of the THE FEMULATED: image to HE FEMULATED:

I deleted the link to my photos and images and I deleted my flickr account.

I deleted my flickr account because I was sick and tired of flickr users who wanted to be my "contact," who had no images to share or worse, had images to share that displayed private parts. When I logged onto flickr today, I had four contact requests and all four had their private parts on display. Yuck!!! I had it and pulled the plug on flickr.

To replace the flickr account deletion, I plan to add a gallery of my photos and images to my blog's external pages real soon now.

feminizing menswear for real

This is Fashion Week in New York City.

Again, the catwalks are rife with menswear that borrows heavily on clothing from milady's closet.

Some designers are determined to feminize male fashions, so we see high-heeled male models wearing makeup and carrying their manbags down the runway with lace, ruffles, and bows accenting their pantalettes, kilts, and caftan outfits.

As a femulator and fashionista who loves female clothing and accoutrements, I feel that the designers responsible for feminizing menswear are not going far enough.

Stop pussyfooting around! If you want males wearing feminized clothing, go all the way.

Instead of separating menswear and womenswear, have both male and female models walking down the runways wearing next season's womenswear. Then you'd have something of interest to both fashion-conscious males and femulators.

As a femulator, I would not be caught dead in the current version of feminized menswear, but if they were showing womenswear for males, then I'd open my pocketbook to spend some money.

girl talk

I do not have a lot of male friends, partly because I do not participate in many male pursuits and partly because I do not interact well with many males. Both reasons have a lot to do with my preference for the female side of life.

I do not participate in many female pursuits either, but I do interact well with females.

Over the years, I have had more female friends than male friends. I always felt very comfortable conversing and confiding with my female friends and acquaintances, but seldom felt that comfortable with other males.

But being a male, my female friends and acquaintances usually seemed guarded to some degree when dealing with me because I was male.

Reflecting on my June NYC adventure en femme and on attending a wedding for the first time en femme on Saturday, I realized that the females I encountered while I was en femme acted differently with me than the females I encountered when in boy mode. In a nutshell, they dropped their guard and interacted with me as if I was one of the girls.*

I so enjoyed participating in "girl talk" in NYC and at the wedding. I discovered that I can be a little chatterbox and that the women I conversed with seemed to enjoy chatting with me.

Girl talk brings a whole new area of enjoyment into femulating for me. It is something that I never expected, but now I relish the opportunity to talk with the girls again.

* Yes, I know in my heart that I really am "one of the girls," but it always surprises me when other people think I am one of the girls, too.

images of New England Trans Pride

On Friday, I wrote about the upcoming New England Trans United Pride March and Rally on October 3 in Northampton, MA.

Again, I urge every trans person who lives in the upper right corner of the USA to attend the event if they can.

If you never attended such an event in the past, I list some links below where you can view photos and videos from the first New England Trans Pride event of June 2008. If you are on the fence about attending, I hope that viewing these images will push you over the edge.

• Diana's photos and videos
• Donna Rose's photos
• GLAD's photos
• Glen Koetzner's photos
• Lynn's photos
  

"she"

Now that I am well-rested and able to reflect with a clearer head about attending my first wedding en femme, I recalled something that I did not mention in yesterday's blog posting.

During the evening, I participated in a number of conversations with two or more people and during those conversations, it was such a pleasure to hear someone refer to me as "she."

I know it is such a little thing, a simple three-lettered word, but whenever I hear that word when it refers to me, it makes me so very happy.

Although "She" can mean different things, they are all good things.

"She" can mean that people have respect for the way I have chosen to present myself, that is, as a female, or

"She" can mean that people have accepted my female presentation, or

"She" can mean that people believe that I am female.

a lovely time

I attended the garden wedding of two of my friends at their home on Saturday evening. It was a beautiful and unique affair and it will always stand out from all the other weddings I have attended throughout my life.

It was a small affair in that the guest list was composed of of only 50 or so family and friends, but it was really a big affair because it was a very family-and-friend-oriented and vibrant event. Vibrant because it was a wedding where the kids were invited and included (most weddings I have attended in the past has excluded kids. Who said "youth is wasted on the young?")

I was very honored that my friends invited me to attend. They did not give me permission to attend en femme and I did not have to ask for their permission to attend en femme. They know me as Staci and expected Staci to attend. Friends like these must be cherished and I will always hold a special place in my heart for them.

Like my friends, their family and friends accepted me into their circle, treated me like an old friend of the family, and I could not have felt more comfortable. Except for the wedded couple and two other friends who were guests, I did not know a soul going in and in such circumstances, I become shy, but the other guests made me feel as comfortable as possible and I had a wonderful time socializing, dining, drinking, and dancing the night away!

I wore a new dress and a new hairdo to the wedding. I received some compliments on how I looked, which just added to the wonder of the evening.

Being a garden affair, I quickly had to learn how to walk in spike heels without sinking into the lawn. The trick is to walk on your toes and not put much weight on your heels.

I had a lovely time attending my friend's wedding en femme and I will remember it all my life.

get back hair

This morning, I shaved those body parts that should hairless when I am dressed en femme. This was my annual full-body depilation that I perform every September in anticipation of my first time out en femme. (I am going to my first wedding en femme this evening.)

This year, the task was quicker than in the past because it was the first time I used my Mangroomer back hair shaver to remove my back, chest, shoulder, and upper arm hair. The main attraction of the Mangroomer is that it has a extendable and adjustable handle that allows you to reach all areas of your back. I am 5'14" tall and had no problem shaving the far reaches of my back.

The Mangroomer costs $39.99 and is well-worth the price.

three weeks 'til Trans Pride

In three weeks, Saturday, October 3, the New England Trans United Pride March will kick off at noon from Lampron Park in Northampton, MA. The march will proceed down Main Street to the Armory Street lot where an afternoon-long rally will begin at 1 PM. The rally will include a variety of political speakers, transgender activists, and performers.

For more information, visit the New England Trans United Web site.

This will be New England's second trans pride march and rally. The first occurred in June 2008, also in Northampton.

I attended that first event and it was an exciting day for me and the other participants as we ran the trans flag up the flagpole to see who would salute it. The October 3 event promises to be just as exciting and I hope I can attend.

If you have never attended a pride march and rally, but are considering attending this Trans Pride event, have no fear. Northampton is a very diverse community (think of it as a landlocked Provincetown). Nobody will hassle you because you are trans and you will not be alone because there will be hundreds of your trans brothers and sisters in attendance.

Northampton is strategically located smack dab in the the center of Southern New England right off I-91, so it is only a two- or three-hour drive for most of the trans population of the six New England States.

If you can get there, I hope you will make an effort to get there. You will go away with a sense of pride and will help advance the civil rights of the trans folk throughout the USA.

the girly ways of The Fab Four

I am a huge Beatles fan and this has been a huge week for us fans with the release of their remastered CDs and their new video game. I don't play video games, so I have no interest in the new game, but I will likely purchase all the remastered CDs sooner or later.

In the midst of this new surge of Beatlemania, I recalled my first impressions of the group back in the winter of 1963-1964 before their first US television appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show. My first encounter with The Beatles back then was not with their music, but with their appearance in a photo in a local newspaper.

My first impression was that The Beatles wore their hair like girls!!!

At that time, I was just beginning my first experiments in femulation. I knew I liked femulating, but I was very confused as to why I liked it, why I was doing it, and if I would go to hell for doing it.

The Beatles added to my confusion. Was their long hair the wave of the future? Would all boys start wearing their hair like girls? When I discovered that The Beatles also wore high-heeled boots, I wondered if skirts and dresses would soon be in the offing, too.

Part of me hoped and prayed that boys would dress like girls real soon now, but part of me was scared silly about the prospect of actually dressing like a girl in public. It might ruin my image as an all-American boy, although, I was not what anyone would consider an "all-American boy."

Nevertheless, I was so concerned that showing any interest in The Beatles would ruin my image (whatever that may have been) that I pretended to dislike The Beatles, their music, and their girly ways.

Eventually, I overcame my fears, embraced their music, and journeyed far beyond the "girly ways" of The Fab Four.

P.S. Being a huge Beatles fan, I almost took "Loretta Martin" as my name when I was selecting a femme nome de plume.

almost perfect

I received an e-mail this morning from a girl overseas, who is hesitant about going out en femme because she wants to make sure she passes. (Crossdressing in public can result in a jail term in her country of residence.)

She attached a photo to her e-mail and asked if I could offer any advice.

She looked absolutely beautiful. Her hair and makeup were perfect. Her femulation was almost perfect, but there was one telltale sign that gave her away: her beard.

I assume she shaved as closely as possible, so what appeared in her photo were the hairs of her beard just beneath the skin. They are more obvious in photographs, but they are also likely visible with the naked eye and might give her away if she goes out en femme.

So, I recommended that she use a beard cover under her foundation.

Beard cover is readily available stateside, but I don't know about its availability where she lives now. I wish her the best of luck.

(By the way, the photo accompanying this post is not the photo of the girl who asked me for advice.)

three tall talents

It’s time to update the Famous Females of Height list with three tall talents.

Actress Jessica Stroup (left) of 90210 television fame is 5’8” tall.

Actress Amanda Bynes (center) of She’s the Man film fame is definitely tall, but I am not sure how tall. Various sources list her as low as 5’7.5” and as tall as 5’10”. We aim high here, so I will list her as 5’10”

Actress Olga Kurylenko (right) of Quantum of Solace film fame is 5’10” tall.

(Thank you DLM for the Bynes and Kurylenko listings.)

why I am girly

My mother had a miscarriage before she had me.

Back then, physicians prescribed Diethylstilbestrol (DES) to prevent miscarriages in women who had had previous miscarriages.

Did my mother take DES? She is deceased, so I will never know. But, if she did take DES, then that may explain why I am the way I am.

DES can cause feminization of the male fetus and some studies suggest that otherwise-male children exposed to DES before birth may be more likely to be transsexual women than otherwise-male children who have not been exposed.

Although I will never know if my mother took DES, there are other indications that she did. For example, I have Gynecomastia and although the causes of common Gynecomastia remain uncertain, it has generally been attributed to an imbalance of sex hormones, that is, too much estrogen.

In addition to Gynecomastia, I am more womanly than the average guy in other ways. For example, my mannerisms and speech patterns have feminine traits and my emotions are more feminine than masculine.

A few years ago, I was doing outreach with three transsexuals at a local college and a student asked how the transsexuals' hormone regimen affected them. All three transsexuals admitted that they became more emotional after they began their hormone regimen, for example, one stated that she never cried at movies before taking hormones, but after taking hormones, she cried at movies all the time. I spoke up that I never took hormones and that I cry at movies all the time!

An overabundance of female hormones may be the cause of my proclivity for the feminine. And as I wrote here on Friday, my parents may have nurtured that proclivity.

Repeating what I wrote on Friday, "Dad was absent in my early life working two jobs to support his wife and kids. Mom cherished her firstborn child (me), coddled and pampered me, and instilled in me many traits that were considered 'feminine.' With Dad absent early-on, Mom was all I had to model myself after and that I did, which just compounded my feminization."

I had two strikes against me (too many female hormones and too little male role modeling) and when my third opportunity to swing came, I just stood there with the bat on my shoulder and was called out (of the male gender) on a called third strike.

I did not bother swinging because I liked myself. I was very satisfied with the results of the first two strikes. I liked the way things were turning out. I did not mind being a girly boy.

Except for some abuse from the macho boys and rejection by their female followers, being a girly boy was a pretty good deal. I could partake in whatever boy or girl pursuits interested me and not have to worry about tarnishing my image.

And when I took up the male pursuit of female impersonation, I found that I excelled at it because I already spoke and acted like a lady, I took to the art of cosmetics like a swan takes to water, and I could nearly fill a size 38B bra without any padding.

And so it goes.

(Wikipedia is the source for the medical information cited above.)

cool

During the past few days, the weather here has turned the corner from summer to fall, which means that I shed as much body hair as possible and begins dressing like a girl at every opportunity.

The first opportunity arrives this Saturday when I attend a wedding en femme, which will be a new experience for me. Too bad I am spoken for because I would have loved to try and catch the bride's bouquet; my height and long arms might have been an advantage there!

In preparation for my first time out since my June Manhattan adventure, I have begun the process of hair removal. I do it in steps over a few days to make it less daunting. Once I remove my summer layer of fur, I maintain it over the cooler months so that it is less of a chore each time I go out.

I bought three new dresses with the intention of wearing one to the wedding. I almost bought new shoes, too, but I already own so many pairs that match my outfit that I decided to skip another new pair.

Also, I bought new hair, which will make its debut at the wedding and I bought some new makeup to replenish my warpaint collection.

So, I am good to go and look forward to Saturday.

back to the barn

I went back to Dress Barn yesterday.

Last week, I rejected one of the dresses that I tried on because I thought it looked too similar to a dress I already owned. Returning home, I discovered that my memory was faulty and that except for the collars, the dresses are otherwise very different. So, I went back to buy the dress assuming that it was still available.

I found it on the clearance rack in my size in chocolate brown. It is very similar to the dress pictured above left except for the colors and the lack of a bow on my dress.

Also, since last week, they updated the Dress Barn web site with some new fall items including the cable sweater dress pictured above right. I intended to try on the sweater dress and purchase it if it was the right fit and look, but the dress had not come in yet, so I will have to try again on a later date.

Parents Cause Kids' Gender Differences

Sharon Begley, Newsweek's science editor, has an interesting piece on the Newsweek web site that explains why parents may cause gender differences in their kids and that at birth, there really is no difference in the male and female brains.

You can read the whole piece here.

It makes sense to me.

Dad was absent in my early life working two jobs to support his wife and kids. Mom cherished her firstborn child (me), coddled and pampered me, and instilled in me many traits that were considered "feminine." With Dad absent early-on, Mom was all I had to model myself after and that I did, which just compounded my feminization.

And so it goes.

(The image above is titled The Pink Boy and is Gainsborough's companion piece to his famous painting The Blue Boy.)

shopping for novices

A shopping novice asked how do I shop.

I shop from mail order catalogs, online stores, and in person in stores. I prefer "in person in stores" because I have instant feedback concerning the look and fit of an item and if the look and/or fit is an issue, I do not have to package the item and ship it back to the seller.

In person in stores, I shop in boy mode and in girl mode. In either mode, I have tried on items in dressing rooms and have never had a problem with store personnel being reluctant about me doing so. Before using the dressing room, I always ask first if I am in boy mode, but almost never ask if I am in girl mode.

In person in stores, I prefer to shop in girl mode because in that mode, I wear a wig and makeup and have properly adjusted my body so that it is curvy instead of flatty. So attired, I get instant feedback about how an item looks and fits on Staci, and not a male approximation of Staci.

If the other customer's perception of you shopping for girl stuff in boy mode is a concern, another advantage of shopping in girl mode is that the other customers usually pay less attention to a girl looking through the dress racks than a guy doing the same. Also, they will have no concerns about a girl (rather than a guy) trying on a dress in the next stall of the dressing room.

No matter how many times it has occurred, it still surprises me how store personnel are willing to let a guy try on women's clothing. So do not be afraid to shop for woman's clothing if you must do so in boy mode. Shopping in girl mode is preferable and more fun, but money talks and high heels walk no matter who is wearing them.

which actors and actresses pass best

For what it's worth (not much), Huffington Post has a poll where you can vote on which film actors and actresses pass best playing the opposite sex. You can pick the top five from 24 nominees and currently, Cillian Murphy in Breakfast on Pluto is in the lead.

It is not a very good poll. Some of the nominees are there because of their notoriety and not their femulating skills. As a result, there are some major omissions, for example, Wesley Snipes and Patrick Swayze from To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar are among the nominees, but their fellow drag queen, John Leguizamo (photo above right), is not among the 24, and in my humble opinion, he passed the best of the three.

Also missing are Steven Mackintosh from Different For Girls, Robinson Stévenin from Transfixed, Michael Cavadias from Wonder Boys, Adrian Pasdar from Just Like a Woman, Helmut Berger from The Damned, etc., etc. etc.

I can come up with many more who are more deserving and I am sure you can, too.

Halloween planning

For past Halloweens, I have dressed as Jacqueline Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe, French maid, Playboy bunny, Catholic schoolgirl, bat girl, office girl, go-go girl, and cheerleader. (You can see most of my costumes here on flickr.)

Except for the French maid costume that I bought off the rack at K*Mart, I assembled all the other costumes myself. I was particularly proud of the Playboy bunny costume. Unlike the off-the-rack bunny costumes on sale every Halloween, I was going for the authenticity of the original Playboy bunny costume and in my humble opinion, I came pretty close to achieving it.

With two months to go, I am trying to decide what to wear this Halloween, that is, assuming I will need anything to wear this Halloween. Last year, I did not costume up because I had no place to go. My support group usually has a Halloween party, but last year, I could not attend because I was out of town attending Fantasia Fair.

It is too early to know what will be on tap to celebrate Halloween at the end of next month. My support group will likely do something and my workplace might do something, so although there are no plans in place yet, like a girly Boy Scout, I want to be prepared.

I am my own girlfriend

I love females. Always did, always will.

When I reached dating age, I dreamed about dating the vast number of females that I found attractive. But I was very shy with the opposite sex and not at all skilled at chatting up females in order to get a date.

My attempts usually resulted in rejection. As I accumulated rejections, I became gun-shy and more reluctant to try again. As a result, I did not date very often.

On those rare occasions that I did date, it was usually of the blind variety. And there were seldom any second dates because (1) I did not find my blind date attractive or (2) if I did find my blind date to be attractive, my shyness kicked in and turned off my blind date. I was a sad sack on the dating scene.

Lacking a female companion, did I become my own girlfriend?

I studied the art of female emulation (femulation) and after years of practice, I managed to femulate myself into a female, who could look attractive under the right lighting conditions and/or from the correct viewing angle.

As I femulated more and more, dating a female became less important, but I continued to make my feeble attempts in the dating scene and accepted blind dates whenever the opportunity arose. One blind date was "love at first sight" and we dated for over two years, married, and had a child.

While I dated my future spouse, I stopped being my own girlfriend, that is, I stopped femulating all together and did not take up the cause again until we were invited to a Halloween party a month after our wedding day.

After nearly three years of not femulating, I was out of practice and having purged all my female paraphenalia before marriage, I had to borrow clothes for that Halloween outing. As a result, my femulation was just so-so in my humble opinion. Nevertheless, my skills were still good enough to fool some of the people some of the time and a female in a cat costume asked me point blank if I was male, because she was not sure.

That outing caused me to recall how I had enjoyed femulating in the past, so I began anew, first in secret, than slowly out into the public after my spouse put two and two together and asked me if I liked to crossdress on days that weren't October 31. (Her query was prompted by the French Maid costume I wore the preceding Halloween.)

I came clean about my hobby and she was very supportive and encouraged me to join a support group, which moved my femulation out of the closet of my home into the closet of my support group's meeting hall where I learned how to take my femulation out into public places.

Did I become my own girlfriend again?

I believe that when I was dateless and desperately seeking female companionship, I truly was my own girlfriend. But now I believe that the female I emulate is really me.

When I became my own girlfriend in the past, I was really becoming me, but did not realize it at the time. Now I realize that when I femulate I am presenting myself to society in the way I feel that best expresses me.

our pretty cashier

My spouse and I went grocery shopping this afternoon.

When we were ready to check out, I maneuvered our shopping cart to the shortest line. While we waited for the customer ahead of us to ante up, I noticed that our 20-something cashier had straight shoulder-length dark brown hair parted down the middle and that he was wearing eyeliner (on both upper and lower lids) and mascara (on both upper and lower eyelashes).

I checked his name badge to confirm that he was male and when he spoke, his voice added further proof.

As we left the store, I asked my spouse if she noticed the cashier.

She responded, "Yes, I noticed her... she had such a deep voice!"

I surprised my spouse when I told her that our cashier was male.

Don't know if our cashier was trans-something or not, but he sure was pretty.

shopping for a wedding guest dress

This afternoon, I went shopping for a new dress to wear to the wedding. I went in boy mode to a Dress Barn I had never shopped at before. Good timing on my part because Dress Barn was having a clearance sale - 50% off - on summer dresses.

I perused the clearance racks and found five dresses that I liked. A salewoman asked how I was doing and I said I'd like to try on the dresses I had in hand. Without batting an eye, she found an empty dressing room for me and let me at it.

All five dresses fit (three were sized 14W and two 16W), but I did not like one at all after I tried it on, another was similar to one I already owned, and I eliminated a third dress because it was similar to the fourth dress, which I liked much better. The fifth dress was lovely and perfect for a wedding, so I bought the fourth and the fifth.

The fourth dress is a white satin sheath with large black swirls and a narrow black belt. This knee-length dress has a boat neck collar with a asymmetrical v-shaped slit on one side that reveals a little skin below the neckline. It is a beautiful dress and certainly suitable for a wedding, but the fifth dress is the one I plan to wear to the nuptials.

My wedding guest dress is a two-piece: a dress and a jacket. The dress piece is two tone. The black top looks like a jumper top: a square collar with wide straps (no sleeves). The white skirt is a lightly pleated, flared and lined with a black floral print at the hem that extends upward about four-fifths the length of the skirt. A wide black patent belt bisects the top and skirt. A black short-sleeved buttonless short jacket with white stitching completes the two-pieces. It is absolutely gorgeous and I look forward to wearing it.

The fourth dress listed for $59.99 and the fifth dress for $69.99. With the clearance sale and a 30% discount coupon I had, I paid only $54.49 for the two.

By the way, I was the only customer in boy mode in Dress Barn. All the other customers were in girl mode and paid me no mind even when I entered and exited the dressing room area with a fist full of dresses.

a tall addition

Leslie Ann e-mailed me that Hoda Kotb of the Today Show is 5’9”, so I will add her to my Famous Females of Height List.

While I was looking through some blog files of works in progress, I stumbled upon a list I compiled months ago of tall females of note that were missing from my Famous Females of Height List. Problem is that I cannot recall the source. But I will add them all to my list ASAP.

5’8”
Kirstie Alley --- US actress
Catherine Bach --- US actress
Sandra Bullock --- US actress
Cathy Lee Crosby --- US actress
Denise Crosby --- US actress
Portia De Rossi --- Australian actress
Amanda Donohoe --- UK actress
Sarah Ferguson --- UK royalty
Linda Gray --- US actress
Mariska Hargitay --- US actress
Katherine Hepburn --- US actress
Elizabeth Hurley --- UK actress and model
Lauren Hutton --- US model and actress
Martina Navratilova --- Czech tennis player
Geraldine Page --- US actress
Natasha Richardson --- UK actress
Susan Saint James --- US actress
Xenia Seeberg --- German Actress
Madeleine Stowe --- US actress
Leslie Ann Warren --- US actress

5’9”
Hoda Kotb --- US television host


5’10”
Colleen Porch --- US actress
Frederique Van Der Wal --- actress

5’11”
Nicole Steinwedell --- US actress

6’1”
Miranda Hart --- UK actress
Adriana Sklenarikova --- Slovakian model
Michelle Wie --- US golfer

6’2”
Hope Emerson --- US actress, who appears on stage in the 1930’s in the photo (above right) with 5’5” comedian Joe Laurie, Jr.

A man's work is from sun to sun, but...

Click on the image to enlarge it.

femulate a cow

Check this out. I found it during a Google search yesterday and I still cannot believe it.

she's not a man

The Femulated: image (photo right) I posted last night was an error.

My source for the image claimed that the person in the photo was a male. Elaine Armen of Elaine's T* Art Blog fame, commented that she thought that the person looked like fashion model Agyness Deyn. Later, Elaine e-mailed me with proof that the person was indeed Agyness Deyn and not a male.

Sorry about the error and thank you Elaine for the correction.

an invitation

As if I need an excuse to get dressed up, I, Staci, not my boy mode persona, received a wedding invitation today. I was very surprised to receive it. It is the first wedding invitation that I have ever received en femme and I intend to attend.

What to wear to a wedding?

I've never faced that problem before from the feminine side of my closet, but it is a very nice problem for a fashionista like me to have.

It will still be summer on the wedding day, so I have a few summer outfits to consider. Or maybe I should buy something new; with summer winding down, there should be some good deals on summer dresses in the stores.

And, I can't think of a better place than to wear my new hairdo for the first time.

technical difficulty

Regular readers here may have noticed that my posts have been haphazard lately. In the past, I would compose a post before I went to bed and publish it in the morning. Or I would compose and publish during my lunch hour at work.

I dunno what's going on, but during the last month or so, I have had a difficult time logging into Blogger from work. I can view my blog and other Blogger blogs without difficulty, but logging in is another matter. My browser opens a new tab and attempts to access the log-in page, but the page never appears. The situation has gotten worse everyday and has reached a point that today I was unable to log in at all from work.

The problem is not browser-related because I have tried three different browsers and they all failed to let me access the Blogger log-in page. I don't believe that the boss is intentionally blocking access because when the boss does blocks a Web site, a message appears indicating that the block is intentional. Also, I have not experienced this problem with any other Web sites, just Blogger, but not the Blogger blogs themselves.

The Internet Explorer connection diagnosis tool suggests that network congestion might be the cause. But for what it's worth, I have no problem logging in from home day or night, weekday or weekend.

Until this problem goes away, I will publish my blog posts in the evening from hereon.

tall television viewing

While watching television recently, Petra of Voyages en Rose fame, noted the tall competition in the women's track and field events. After researching the matter, she came up with the following Famous Females of Height of the track and field variety and e-mailed the following stats to me:

6'4" Blanka Vlašić of Croatia

6'2" Amy Acuff, who also graced the cover of Playboy in September 2004

5'11" Anna Chicherova of Russia

5'10" Ariane Friedrich of Germany

5'9" Chaunte Howard Lowe of the USA

While watching television recently, I noted a tall spokesperson wearing a beautiful blue dress in a Mercury automobile commercial. After researching the matter, I found that the Mercury spokesperson is Jill Wagner (photo right) and that she is 5'8".

I added the six ladies to my Famous Females of Height List.

By the way, does anyone know the height of Holly Mordini, the beautiful Smashbox cosmetics spokesperson? I have seen her on QVC a few times and she dwarfs the other women who appear with her, but I have been unable to determine her exact height. One writer guessed 6 feet, but that was just a guess. Does anybody have a more reliable figure?

new hair on my mind

I have been considering getting a new hairdo in a medium auburn shade with dark roots. And I have narrowed down the styles to the four above.

What do you think?

(You can click on the image to enlarge it.)

on my mind on Friday

On weekdays, I am up at 5:45 AM to get ready to go to work. I am the first one up and it is very quiet in the house with no distractions, so my mind wanders and wonders.

After a shave and a shower, I get dressed and as I pull up my briefs, I fantasize that I am pulling up a panty girdle and as I pull up my socks, I fantasize that I am pulling up pantyhose.

I have this same fantasy nearly everyday that I get dressed to go to work. I think it helps me maintain my Staci identity on those days I know I won't be en femme.

***

I often say that I am "trans-something" because I am not sure what I am. I don't feel comfortable identifying as transsexual, transgender, transvestite, transgenderist, crossdresser, etc. because none of those labels fit me like a T.

Parts of me scream "crossdresser," just as parts of me scream "transsexual," but there are other parts that whisper "crossdresser... not" and "transsexual... not." Even the label I invented, femulator, does not say it all for me.

I think part of it is I don't want to be pigeon-holed or rather I don't want to pigeon-hole myself. Like Groucho Marx said, "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."

I think more of it has to do with the fact that we are all unique and we do not fit perfectly in any pigeon hole. I know I certainly don't feel that I fit perfectly in any of the trans pigeon holes because I see parts of me in the other trans pigeon holes.

So, I have concluded that I am not trans-something, rather I am Staci.

Erin Andrews, 5'10"

Erin Andrews is an American sportscaster, who currently works for ESPN as a sideline reporter at sporting events.

Andrews has become an Internet sensation, as she is popular among male sports fans for her physical appearance and knowledge of sports. In 2007 and 2008, she was voted "America's Sexiest Sportscaster" by Playboy Magazine. (Source: Wikipedia)

Ms. Andrews is 5'10", so I added her to the Famous Females of Height List.

Newcomers to this blog may wonder why I maintain the list. You can read all about it here, but in a nutshell...

I became interested in tall women because they affirmed my existence as a tall woman, i.e., I was not the only tall woman out and about in society. Few were as tall as me, but maybe there were enough out there so that I could blend in more easily as just another tall woman.

The list is my attempt to show tall femulators that there are tall women out there including famous ones and that tall femulators should be out there too, strutting their stuff just like tall women do.