companies succeed with more women in charge

Make room for transwomen in the board room, too.

According to a Washington Post article, recent research reveals that companies are more successful if they have more female participation in their management.

Here are some key points from the article, but I urge you to read it all yourself and you will be impressed with the findings:

• New research says a healthy dose of estrogen may be the key not only to our fiscal recovery, but also to economic strength worldwide

• All those right-brain skills disparaged as soft in the roaring '90s are suddenly 21st-century-hot, while cocky is experiencing a slow fizzle.

• Adding to this debate is the fact that the laid-off victims of this recession are overwhelmingly men.

• Gender stereotypes aren't politically correct, but the research broadly finds that testosterone can make men more prone to competition and risk-taking. Women, on the other hand, seem to be wired for collaboration, caution and long-term results.

So, doesn't this put us in the driver's seat?

Transwomen bring the best of both worlds to the table and should make us a highly prized employee in the corporate world.

Instead of being afraid of being outed at the workplace, we should flaunt our diverse personalities and wear a dress and heels to work on the days of the week ending with the letter "Y." Show them we are not testosterone-poisoned guys, but that we can be just as estrogen-driven as the women in the boardroom.

Is this a little tongue in cheek?

Maybe, but if your job is on the line and you are grasping for a lifeline to avoid the unemployment line, showing up at work cloaked with a feminine wardrobe and feminine attitude may not be a bad idea.

looking fab in photos

Whereas diamonds are a girl's best friend, photos are a crossdresser's best friend.

Old joke: How many crossdressers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three: one to climb the ladder to change the lightbulb, one to hold the ladder, and one to take photos of the event.

Before digital cameras, I took photos... usually Polaroids to avoid having them processed and handled by strangers. But Polaroid film was expensive, so I did not do as much photo-documenting of my early crossdressing life as I do today now that I have an endless supply of free "film" in my digital camera.

Dunno about you, but one reason I take a lot of photos is that maybe one in five is any good. The other four out of five are not good for one reason or another.

Readers Digest has an article online that may improve my one to five success ratio. Titled "10 Ways to Look Good in Photos," the brief article is must-reading for any "girl" who expects to be on the business end of a camera.

Say, "Cheese."

added height

My Famous Females of Height List just keeps getting taller!

Watching Frantic on television yesterday, I noticed that actress Emmanuelle Seigner (right) was right up there with Harrison Ford, so I looked her up and she is 5'8".

Longtime girlfriend Sirena wrote that she recently saw Miracle Laurie at a sci-fi convention and the actress, who plays November in the TV show Dollhouse is 5'9".

I read last week that model Karolina Kurkova of Victoria's Secret's fame is preggie, not to mention 5'11" tall.

Dear Staci

Dear Staci,

Is your female persona different from your male persona. If so, what are the key differences?

MonicaM

Hi MonicaM,

There is not much difference between my female and male personas. People who know both tell me that I am the same in male and female mode.

I know I do not act any differently in male or female mode. I am the first to admit that I am not a typical macho guy and when I was growing up, some of my peers let me know about it.

A telling moment occurred many years ago when I went to a Halloween party in college dressed as a woman. One of my classmates, who knew me well commented that it had never occurred to him how naturally feminine my speech and mannerisms were until he saw me dressed as a woman. And so it goes.

Best Wishes,

Staci

Do you need advice concerning femulation or other crossdressing-related matters, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is staci-staci at sbcglobal.net.

discovering the fine line betwen lines

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stirred, straight up, with a twist

I discovered a very interesting blog called "Stirred, Straight Up, With A Twist" that "celebrate the gods and goddesses of celluloid and vinyl, with nary a trace of elitism: Jeffrey Hunter or Cary Grant; Eydie Gorme or Maria Callas, we worship them all, and accord them their proper place in the pantheon of greats."

TJB, the brains behind the blog, has a great sense of humor and decorates the blog with fantastic photos from 1962 (give or take a decade).

If you are (like me) a femulator who likes glam (isn't that redundant?), visit TJB's blog.

the bathroom debate

Today's installment of Salon's "Broadsheet" tackles the great trans bathroom debate and asks its readers, "Are single-sex bathrooms prudish, antiquated and insensitive to trans people? Or are these spaces still necessary to protect the privacy of both genders?"

The responses are interesting and most seem to favor allowing transwomen in the women's restroom.

One of the best comments (IMHO) came from For Heavens Sake!, who wrote, "Doesn't it occur to these people that these 'dangerous sexual predators' that they fear so deeply right now have *gasp* access to the men's room-- where presumably they can freely molest the innocent sons of God-fearing Christians? I mean if it really is so dangerous to pee, it should be dangerous right now, donchya think?"

Excellent!

Meanwhile, back in Transphobialand...


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Will he return the mascara (and other legal issues)?

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Michael Jackson biographer: Jackson “dressed as woman”

(updated below)

Two weeks ago, I wondered here if the late Michael Jackson was trans. Here is an article that offers more evidence that maybe he was.

By the way, the author of this article, Matt Kailey, got it right, i.e., if a man wears woman's clothing, it does not mean that he is gay (NTTIAWWT).

He also writes, "It is important to keep in mind is that any speculation about Jackson’s gender identity is not a negative thing. If Jackson did, on occasion or even frequently, dress in women’s clothing, this is not a bad or negative occurrence, and it does not cast a pall on his memory. It is not wrong or bad to be a crossdresser or to be a transgendered male-to-female."

Read the rest of the story here.

UPDATE: I fixed the broken links to the article mentioned above.

more funnies

Meg e-mailed two more femulation-themed cartoons that appeared in the newspaper funny section: Herman and
Get Fuzzy, which appears right.

more height

Lee e-mailed me with a correction and additions to the Famous Females of Height list, which seems to be getting taller all the time!

The correction: I listed Marcia Cross twice, at 5'8" and 5'10". The Desperate Housewives actress is only 5'8".

The additions:

Actresses Jeri Ryan (Star Trek Voyager) and Suzy Amis (Titanic) at 5'8"

Actresses Jamie Lee Curtis and Isabella Scorupco (Goldeneye, Reign of Fire) at 5'9"

Actress Judy Greer (27 Dresses, The Wedding Planner) at 5'10" (she appears in the photo on the right)

size 16 should do

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raised as a girl

Last night, I watched my favorite television show, 30 Rock.

30 Rock is in reruns and last night's episode was from 2006 and it was one I had seen before and I know I need to get a life.

(Hey, I actually was in the real 30 Rock last month and, darn, I was so busy buying souvenirs in the NBC Store for my family that I forgot to buy a 30 Rock souvenir for myself.)

Anyway, the show opens with a debate between the show-within-the-show's writers and the cast about a skit in which Tracy Morgan (played by Tracy Jordan) will appear in drag. He appears in drag in this scene.

Toofer, a black writer, played by Keith Powell, convinces Tracy that a black male doing drag is a put-down of all black males, so Tracy refuses to do the skit.

The other writers are now upset about the aborted skit, but another cast member, Josh Girard, played by Lonny Ross, steps up and volunteers to do the skit with the comment that "My parents raised me as a girl for ten years."

When the writers look at him as if he just deboarded from a flying saucer, he adds, "I told you guys that."

Next scene shows Girard in drag with the rest of the cast at the end of the show within a show.

30 Rock has had numerous trans moments throughout its run, in fact, in this episode, Tracy Morgan/Jordan appears in drag again and there is a brief reference to Tina Fey's character having some gender issues, but the being-raised-as-a-girl revelation was probably one of the most memorable 30 Rock trans moment... so far.

passing

This morning, I read a message thread on a trans message board which touched upon the subject of passing. One writer opined that trans people put too much emphasis on passing... that passing is not important... that acceptance is more important than passing... yadda yadda yadda.

I'm sure you have heard these arguments before (and I know I touched upon them here in the past).

Note: I am now putting on devil's advocate hat.

I think that some trans people use the argument (that passing is not important) as a cop-out because for whatever reason, they do not pass.

In addition to being an excuse, it is also a put-down of trans people who do pass, i.e, yes, they pass, but what they are doing is not important, so they are just wasting their time.

I resent that!

I take a lot of pride in my presentation and I admit that it takes some time and effort to get the results I want, but I feel that it is worth it because:

* I pass some of the time, which is a wonderful affirmation of my hard work.

* When I don't pass, at least I don't look like a caricature of a woman. Rather, I look like I am trying my best to emulate a woman and I believe that fosters acceptance.

we're all intersex

On Salon today, Thomas Rogers interviews Gerald N. Callahan, the author of Between XX and XY about people born neither male nor female -- and why everyone's a little bit of both.

Read all about it here.

Tuesday, Tuesday

Tuesdays after long weekends aren't much better than Mondays after long weekends except that they are not Mondays.

* * *

You know how they say that styles repeat themselves. I've been dressing en femme long enough that I have seen that phenomena myself with clothing I have worn.

While perusing the Saks Fifth Avenue Web site, I noticed a Diana von Furstenberg dress for sale that is very similar to the dress I wore the first time I went out en femme that wasn't Halloween. That occasion was to attend my first support group meeting over 20 years ago. (see photo)

I loved that dress and now that it is back in style, I would like to wear it again. I just hope I did not discard it or give it away!

I will look for it tonight and if I find it, I will clean it and wear it next time out.

* * *

My blog readers submitted two additions to the Famous Females of Height list:

Shannon submitted 6' Candice Olson of HGTV's Divine Design.

Linda submitted 6'3" Arianne Cohen, author of The Tall Book: A Celebration of Life from on High.

Monday, Monday

Mondays after long weekends are hard.

* * *

Yvonne e-mailed me yesterday with another addition to my Famous Females of Height list: 5'9" actress Julianne Nicholson from the television series Law & Order Criminal Intent.

Meanwhile, I was surfing television channels and ran across a film starring Italian actress Claudia Cardinale (that is her photo on the right). She looked tall relative to the male actors in the scene I saw and I remember her as always being statuesque in all her films. I looked her up and she is 5'8" tall, so I added her to the list, too.

* * *

One thing led to another and I was on YouTube viewing videos of Woodstock performances that did not make it into the film. I was particularly interested in Creedence Clearwater Revival because Creedence was one of my favorite groups and I saw them perform at Woodstock. Since they were not in the film, I enjoyed viewing their Woodstock performances again a few weeks shy of 40 years later.

During my search of YouTube for Woodstock performances, I came across a video of Bert Sommer. I recall the name from way back when, but I was unfamiliar with Sommer's work had missed Sommer's performance at Woodstock, and I was not even sure if the name "Bert Sommer" was the name of a group or an individual, so I viewed the video to see what I missed.

Turns out Bert Sommer is an individual, but when I started watching Sommer's YouTube Woodstock video, I thought Sommer was a female. Sommer looked like a female and sounded like a female, but he was male (died in 1990), so I wondered if he was trans. I cannot find anything on the Internet indicating he was trans, so he probably was not.

I can't find a thing on the Internet indicating he was trans. I know that just because a male looks female and sounds female, he is not necessarily trans, but it did make me wonder.

* * *

I can't help it. Being trans something or other, I often wonder who else is trans.

Clean shaven, long haired males are always suspect. Actors who do a lot of drag are also suspect (John Ritter and Harvey Korman come to mind). Guys who are interested in other guys who are trans or do drag make me wonder, too.

And so it goes.

is it chilly out here or is it just me?

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Kate Silverton and her tall company

During the past week, I received the following additions to my Famous Females of Height list:

Lee e-mailed the following tall ladies of note:

5'8" actress Amanda Tapping, who starred in Stargate and Sanctuary

5'9" actress Claudia Christian, who starred in Babylon 5

5'9" actress Monet Mazur

5'9" actress Gates McFadden, who starred in Star Trek

5'9" actress Patricia Tallman, who starred in Babylon 5

Yvonne offered the following BBC newsreaders:

5'9" Fiona Bruce

5'10" Kate Silverton, whose photo appears on the right

Lauralee suggested 5'9" actress Kristin Dalton, who starred in Dead Zone and Surviving Gilligan's Island

Lynn Edwards offered 7'1" Sandy Allen

"new" female impersonator ephemera

I added this newly-acquired (via eBay) Finocchio's mailing souvenir (circa 1950) to my female impersonator ephemera collection. You can view it and the rest of my collection on my ephemera Web page.

FYI, Finocchio's was a popular nightclub in San Francisco featuring female impersonators during the second half of the last century.

As usual, click on the image to magnify it.

Dear Staci

Your beard cover and upper arms?

Dear Staci,

You do look stunning...I have 2 questions for you.

a) What do you use for beard cover?

b) How do you keep your upper arms looking so feminine?

MonicaM

---

Hi MonicaM,

Thank you for the kind words!

For beard cover, I use BC-2, an orange-colored product of The Research Council of Makeup Artists, Inc. (RCMA). I bought my tub of BC-2 from Alcone years ago and it will probably last me for another few years.

One of the few good things about getting old is that much of my beard has turned gray. Those parts don't require concealing, so these days I only have to use a little beard cover above my upper lip and on my chin where the beard is still dark.

For my upper arms, I remove hair and that is all I do. My arms are thin and not muscular, so maybe that is why they look so feminine.

Best Wishes,

Staci

---

Do you need advice concerning femulation or other crossdressing-related matters, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is staci-staci at sbcglobal.net.

but not often enough

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Dear Staci

What's your secret?

Dear Staci,

Your photos don't do you justice! In person, your skin is glowing and so feminine. What's your secret? Do you use hormones?

Hugs,

An Inquiring Girl

---

Hi Inquiring Girl,

Thank you for the very kind words.

I never used hormones. I also never smoked, seldom imbibe alcohol, try to eat healthily, watch my weight, and walk daily for exercise.

I began using skin care products about five years ago after shunning them for most of my life because I thought they were a waste of time and money. I changed my mind after trying a sample eye cream that did wonders to the fine line situation around my eyes.

After my positive experience with the eye cream, I began using other skin care products and they made a big difference, too. In addition to improving and feminizing the look and condition of my skin, I also discovered that when I used makeup, it "liked" my new skin; as a result, it went on easier and lasted longer.

The following summarizes the products I currently use.

Cleansing - Olay Foaming Face Wash – I use it in the morning and in the evening.

Exfoliating - Avon Sweet Finish Sugar Scrub Exfoliant – I do not use an exfoliant daily. Typically, I use it once or twice a week or whenever my face feels like it needs a deep cleansing. Avon discontinued this product, but luckily I stocked up on this product during a sale.

Morning Regimen – After cleansing my skin, I apply three products in the following order:

1. Avon Ageless Results Renewing Eye Cream – I apply this to my eye problem areas, i.e., below and the outer corners of my eyes, but you can also use this cream above your eyes.

2. Cosmedicine MegaDose Skin Fortifying Serum – I apply this to my nose, cheeks, chin, and around my mouth. This is an expensive product, but the good news is that a little goes a long way; 1 ounce lasts me over three months.

3. Philosophy When Hope Is Not Enough Replenishing Cream – This is billed as a nighttime cream, but I use it as a daytime moisturizer. I apply it all over my face and neck.

Evening Regimen – I just cleanse my face and get a good night's sleep.

And that is all!

Best Wishes,

Staci

---

Do you need advice concerning femulation or other crossdressing-related matters, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is staci-staci at sbcglobal.net.

and now a word from our sponsor... not

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Stonewall: getting it right

It pleases me when I read an article about the Stonewall riots that gets it right, i.e., that trans-people and drag queens were at the forefront of that skirmish.

Michael DeJong got it right in his piece that appeared on The Huffington Post yesterday. You can read it here.

random thoughts on a Monday morning

I read in this morning's paper that Gale Storm died. Ms. Storm was an actress in television situation comedies.

She was best known for playing the title character of the television series My Little Margie. I watched the show in rerun regularly as a kid and recall that the show was very funny and one of my favorites, but I cannot recall one trans moment in that series.

However, when I recall My Little Margie, I always also remember Our Miss Brooks, another situation comedy that I watched in rerun as a kid around the same time I was watching My Little Margie. Eve Arden played the title character, a high school English teacher, who had a love interest in the shy biology teacher, Mr. Boynton.

I don't recall much about the show except for one episode in which Miss Brooks was trying to convince Mr. Boynton to attend a costume party. Mr. Boynton complained that he did not have a costume, but Miss Brooks offered as solution: with the right foundation garments, he could dress as a woman.

I sat through the rest of that episode waiting for Mr. Boynton to appear en femme, but that never happened and that trans moment in Our Miss Brooks was limited to words. (I cannot recall any other trans moments in Our Miss Brooks.)

Speaking of dead celebrities, I am burnt out by all the coverage of Michael Jackson's death and refuse to watch anymore. As a result, I may have missed if anyone commented that Mr. Jackson may have had trans issues.

I recall reading years ago on more than one occasion that Mr. Jackson had all that facial plastic surgery because he wanted to look like Diana Ross. Does that make him trans? I dunno, but it sure raises the issue.

now Rusty begins to wonder about his sister

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up next

Two weeks ago, I was in the midst of my extended weekend in Manhattan. For over four days, I was en femme attending workshops, shopping, clubbing, dining, and sightseeing without a safety net. I was not attending any trans-event in NYC that affords some protection, illusory or otherwise; rather, I was completely out of the closet, just another out-of-towner visiting The City.

It was a big test for me: a test to find out if I could live as a "woman" in the real world. And I passed the test in more than one way.

I interacted with the civilian population without giving any consideration to my female appearance, i.e., I was not walking around Manhattan thinking that I was a guy dressed as a gal and how is the public going to react. I was completely confident in my skin and as a result, the civilians treated me as a real person, not as a sideshow freak.

I had no fear coming out to the other people attending my workshop. I might be able to fool some of the people some of the time, but attending the workshop, I would be interacting face-to-face with 20 or so people for hours on end over a four-days period and there was no way I could fool them in that scenario. So it made sense to come out and make everybody more comfortable about the unusual person in their midst. My honesty resulted in more respect from my peers and it made me feel more comfortable, too, because now I could be myself.

It also felt wonderful to "pass" as often as I did. The "ma'am" and "hon" and "dyke" comments sent my way attest to my ability to pass some of the time. And you know you're onto something when a squad car full on NYC police checks you out as you cross Sixth Avenue in Times Square wearing a dress and heels!

And so it went. But, what's next?

I don't think I can top my trip to Manhattan. I can probably equal it with extended stays en femme in other locations and I hope the opportunity arises to do so.

But back with my high heels on the ground in southwestern New England, what can I do?

Sadly, summer is settling in for the next eight weeks or so and that means heat and humidity and Staci does not perform well in heat and humidity. My wig and foundation garments causes me to perspire and my perspiration finds its way to my face where it eats away at my makeup and results in a mess that I prefer that the public not view. So, my outings en femme in summer are few and far between.

But summer means that the fall fashions will be appearing in the stores and I imagine I will do some shopping, probably en homme, for some new clothing that I can wear in September and beyond. And I think that is very apropos: new clothing for the new me that I discovered two weeks ago in New York City.

the day the music died... again

John Lennon, George Harrison, Carl Wilson, Roy Orbison, and Gene Pitney were music-makers whose deaths were very very sad for me and now Michael Jackson is gone, too.

It is hard to write about it, so I won't try especially since Bill Wyman wrote an excellent article on the matter in today's Salon. So, put some Jackson tunes on the Victrola and go read read it.

Farrah Fawcett

Farrah Fawcett died today.

As a femulator, I always have had an eye for attractive women and I remember spotting Ms. Fawcett in television commercials years before she achieved stardom in Charlie's Angels. She was such a standout that I could not help noticing her and I filed her image away in my mind as someone I might see in the future.

And see her, I did. I probably saw every episode of Charlie's Angels that she appeared in and I continued to watch the series even after her departure because I also had great appreciation for her co-star Jaclyn Smith.

Like many young males in that era, I watched Charlie's Angels to see the women who appeared on that show. The plot was secondary and usually disposable; the women were the main attraction. But unlike most of the male fans of that show, I watched Ms. Fawcett and Ms. Smith because I wanted to emulate them, not bed them.

Anyway, Ms. Fawcett's passing makes me feel sad; may she rest in peace.

a wife's cure

Click the image to make it look bigger!

New York City, June 15, 2009

understanding

Lt. Col. Victor Fehrenbach appeared on The Rachel Maddow Show last night and talked about the US military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

My wife was watching the show and stated something to the effect that it was not fair that gays were discriminated against by the military because they were born that way and cannot do anything about it just like you were born trans and cannot do anything to about it. She did add that she did not like it (my trans-ness), but she understands that I am not going to change.

My wife never wants to discuss my trans-ness and it made me happy to learn that she does understand my situation.

out sick

I have been ill since Friday with a very bad head cold. I think that it peaked yesterday and I should get better as the week progresses.

My output here the past few days has been less than usual due to my illness, however, that should also improve as the week progresses.

Suzie Plakson

Lauralee e-mailed me that actress, singer, artist, and writer Suzie Plakson is 6'1-1/2" tall. Our height arbitrator rounds that out to 6'2" and I added Ms. Plakson to the Famous Females of Height List.

femulate.org = www.femulate.org

The folks at Register.com fixed the problem with femulate.org and it now works the same as www.femulate.org, i.e., both URLs, with "www." or without, will get you here.

Rie Rasmussen

Rie Rasmussen is a Danish fashion model, actress, film director, writer, and photographer. She appeared in one of my favorite motion picture thrillers, Brian De Palma's Femme Fatale. She is also 5'10" tall and the newest addition to my Famous Females of Height List.

at the hair salon

I got a haircut on Friday. I usually get my hair cut at a local hair salon that I have been patronizing for over 12 years.

The owner of the salon has two school-aged sons. My sister, who also patronizes this salon, mentioned that one of the sons might be gay. His mother (the salon owner) is supportive, while the father, not so much.

Anyway, I walked in to the salon about 1 PM without an appointment. I was the only customer, so the owner took me immediately.

When I walked in, I noticed a pretty young girl playing in the waiting area. She was about 10-years-old and was wearing yellow cropped pants, a white flowery top, and her short bobbed hair had a pink swatch in it.

The receptionist asked the girl to go fetch her Mommy from the back of the store because she had a customer.

I did not know who the girl was going to fetch because there are at least three hairdressers working at that salon. When the owner came out from the back of the store to greet me, I realized that the young girl was her son!

I did not mention her son and neither did the owner, but it struck me that maybe her son is transgender and not gay.

I am not "out" at the salon, so I kept my opinions to myself, but maybe I will drop an anonymous note to the owner about my thoughts on the matter or maybe I will mind my own business.

cross-shopping

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transgender primer

"Transgender issues have been in the news with the recent announcement that Cher's daughter, Chaz Bono, is transitioning from female to male. This subject has been plagued by misunderstanding and fear of the unknown."

A Huffington Post article, "A Pro Bono Transgender Primer" by Dr. Jon LaPook attempts bring understanding to this unknown.

You can read it here.

By the way, that is 5'9" actress Kim Raver in the photo. She is the latest addition to our Famous Females of Height List.

femulate.org is not equal to www.femulate.org

For some reason, http://femulate.org is not the same as http://www.femulate.org. Entering the URL without "www." should get you here, but it does not.

I am trying to solve this technical difficulty, but have been unsuccessful so far. So don't use the shortcut until I sort this thing out.

additional famous females of height

Over the weekend, Huffington Post published "Famous Couples With Taller Women: Is Height Just A Number?" The piece had a series of photos showing famous couples in which the female of the couple is taller than the male.

Some of the females were 5'8" or higher and some of them were not on my Famous Females of Height List, so I corrected their omission and welcome the following tall women to the list:

Emmanuelle Seigner, an actress and former model, is 5'8"

Padma Lakshmi, a cookbook author, actress, and former model, is 5'9"

Sophie Dahl, a model and author, is 5'11"

Pia Glenn, an actress, is 6'

Penny Lancaster, a model, photographer, and wife of rocker Rod Stewart, is 6'2"

L'Wren Scott, a stylist, costume designer, and former model, is an amazing 6'4" (see photo)

womanhattan: the end

Monday was a half day en femme.

I attended the last day of the workshop en femme, then returned to my hotel to change into boy mode for my trip back home. As a result, I did not have much interaction with the public at large en femme.

***

I can look back and laugh at myself now, but you know what I worried about the whole time I was in Manhattan? I feared that while I was walking around town, someone would recognize me as a guy, grab my wig, and run off with it! (I brought an extra wig just in case.)

***

The photo shows me dining with Prometheus at the Rink Bar restaurant in the heart of Rockefeller Center.

***

In conclusion, I found myself.

Everything just fell into place.

* Getting cold feet about attending the workshop en femme

* Phoning the workshop to find out if they had any issues about my attendance en femme.

* Getting their green light of support to attend in whatever way I felt most comfortable.

* Finding a group of fellow attendees, who did not shun me, but respected me.

* The group's respect motivated me to be completely up front with them about my transness.

* My planned "show 'n' tell" became a natural conduit for coming out.

* The group's respect seemed to grow ten-fold after I came out.

* Coming out freed all my stress about the workshop; I really let myself go and apply myself fully in the workshop...

* Which permitted me to get a lot out of the workshop that I will apply in my career as a writer.

There was always the possibility that something could go wrong, but it did not. Maybe I was just lucky, maybe I was well-prepared, maybe some higher power was watching over me, I dunno.

But I do know that integrating all of me at the workshop permitted me to integrate myself outside the workshop, too. I was myself throughout the day rather than trying to impersonate someone else. And integrated as myself, I felt very confident about myself.

An example: one morning after I dressed en femme, I adjusted the thermostat in my hotel room and somehow managed to shutdown the system. Nothing I tried could bring the system back to life, so I called the front desk and they said they would send someone up. In the recent past, I would have panicked and changed into boy mode as quickly as possible. But, that morning, I stayed in girl mode. When the maintenance man showed up, I interacted with him without concern or nervousness and he reacted in a positive manner.

Another example: Flag down a cab wearing a dress and high heels and you usually get the first available cab. Now that's power and it just added to my confidence!

I am so happy that I did what I did. It changed me for the better by making myself whole and more confident, so confident that I no longer fear being outed, nor do I fear coming out to anyone.

womanhattan: "dyke"

Sunday in New York and I dressed up for the day: my purple dress, jewelry, mid-heel Mary-Jane pumps, suntan pantyhose, etc.

My workshop ended about 2 PM and I returned to my hotel room to freshen up. After touching up my makeup, I went outdoors (the weather was perfect) and hailed a cab.

A cab stopped, I got in and told the driver to take me to Rockefeller Center.

The driver told me he could not take me there because the Puerto Rican Pride Parade on 5th Avenue blocked the path to the Rock. So, I got out of the cab and decided what to do.

I had fallen in love with a perfume sample of Aquolina Pink Sugar that I received at Sephora, so I decided to walk the six blocks to their West 34th Street store to buy the perfume.

It was my first time out wearing the mid-heel Mary Janes I bought a few weeks ago. When I paid for the shoes, the cashier commented that the shoe was popular with dancers because they are very comfortable and I was discovering the same thing as I walked from my hotel to Sephora.

In Sephora, I walked around the store looking for the perfume. During my hunt, I passed an older gentleman and as I walked by him, he turned to me and said, "I want to give you a kiss" and then he blew me a kiss!

Flabbergasted, all I could do was whisper, "Thank-you."

I found the perfume, paid for it, and exited with my heels never touching the ground!

Since my new shoes were cooperating, I decided to walk a half-block to Herald Square and take a few photos. After taking a few shots, I saw an empty chair and sat down to take a break. While I sat, I took a few photos of myself. They turned out OK, but I could only stretch my arm so far and I wanted something better.

Seated next to me was a older gentleman with a camera case in his lap. I tapped him on the shoulder and with a big smile, I asked him to take my photo. He smiled, I handed him my camera, and he took a photo of me.

After resting for five minutes, I decided to walk eight blocks up Broadway to Times Square. I took photos along the way and with no complaints coming from my feet, I decided to head east towards Rockefeller Center.

While waiting for the traffic light to give me the go-ahead to cross Broadway at West 45th Street, I took some more photos of Times Square. A trio of women joined me at the crosswalk and one asked me if I'd like her to take my photo. Of course, I accepted her invitation and the photo I posted here on Sunday is the result of her handiwork.

Five more blocks and I was in the middle of Rockefeller Center. Foot traffic was light, so I thought it might be a good time to go to the Top of the Rock. I entered the RCA Building (you call it what you want, it will always be the "RCA Building" to me) and found the ticket counter for the Top of the Rock.

My timing was good; there were no lines and I was on my way. Before getting on the elevator to go to the top, I had to go through a the metal detector and I set it off. The guard looked at me, then waved me on with the words, "Must be your bracelets, hon'."

That was a new one! I've been called "miss" and "ma'am" before, but never "hon'." I smiled at the guard and got on the elevator.

Seventy stories later, I was on top of the RCA Building and the weather was perfect. Visibility was virtually infinite and the view was spectacular. To the south, the Jersey shore was visible, to the north, Catskill peaks poked over the horizon, to the northeast, I could see the Connecticut shoreline, and all around me was The City.

I spent about an hour atop, taking a lot of photos and taking it all in. I asked a couple of people to take photos of me and more than a couple of people asked me to do the same for them.

Next, I wanted to go to Saint Patrick's Cathedral, which is just across the street from Rockefeller Center. I took the elevator back down and walked to 5th Avenue. During this short walk, a young man cut me off and immediately apologized, "Excuse me, hon'."

Second "hon'" in an hour. I started to wonder if "hon'" was a New York thing, but I didn't care. A blown kiss and two hon's meant I was passing, however, I was about to receive another term of endearment that would seal it.

As I walked up 5th Avenue toward Saint Pat's, a small group of high school boys were heading towards me. As I passed through the group, I heard one of the boys say, "Dyke."

Now I knew I was passing!

I crossed 5th Avenue and entered Saint Pat's. There was a Mass in progress and the priest was just finishing the sermon.

This was a big deal for me. I was a Roman Catholic and my religion was the source of much needless guilt about crossdressing throughout my life. I overcame the guilt years ago and now I was entering the church for the first time en femme.

When I planned this visit, I thought it would be like spitting in the eye of the Church of Rome. "Take that for all the pain and suffering you brought down upon me for so long."

But instead of feeling vengeful, I felt wonderful. The prodigal son has returned, but now he is your daughter!

I decided to attend the Mass. I remembered and recited all the prayers and when it was time for the Sign of Peace, I exchange handshakes and "peace be with you's" with all the folks around me, or so I thought.

From behind me came an anxious voice, "Peace be with you, Ma'am. Peace be with you, Ma'am."

I realized I missed someone, so I turned around and exchanged another handshake and "peace be with you" with a fellow two rows behind me.

During the Mass, I noticed a reproduction of the famous painting, the Black Madonna of Częstochowa in one of the side altars of the cathedral.

Being a Pole, I checked it out and discovered that that side altar was dedicated to the saints of Poland. It included biographies, paintings, and sculptures of all the saints. After saying a prayer for all my deceased relatives at the side altar, I exited the cathedral.

It was now 7 PM and the last meal I had was breakfast, so I was hungry and decided to treat myself by having dinner at the Rink Bar, the outdoor bar/restaurant that resides in the Rockefeller Center ice skating rink when it is too warm for ice skating. My table for one was immediately in front of the fountain, so I did not feel lonely eating solo because Prometheus was right by my side.

I had peach sangria, watercress salad, rissota crab cakes, and coffee. They were all excellent and they were all only $50 and change!

After dinner, I hailed a cab and enjoyed the ride down 5th Avenue while reflecting on my wonderful day out en femme.

womanhattan: show 'n' tell

In my Saturday Continued post, I mentioned that I came out as transgender to the other people attending my workshop. I want to flesh out that story a bit.

I planned to attend en femme and if anyone asked, I would tell them what was going on, but I had no intention of coming out to the whole workshop.

Part of the workshop was show and tell; we had to bring something to the workshop, preferably from our youth, and explain how that object impacted our lives.

My show 'n' tell was the #60 issue of Mad magazine. Here is my story:

The public school system I attended let the students out early every Thursday to attend religious instruction classes at a local house of worship. On the way home from religious instructions, I had my weekly quarter allowance to spend at a Mom and Pop store. With my quarter, I could buy two comic books and a pack of baseball cards or the new issue of Mad magazine

So, one fall day in 1960, about a month before the November Presidential election of John Kennedy, I find two new issues of Mad for sale; one issue congratulates Nixon as the election winner and the other issue congrats JFK. Only having a quarter, I can only buy one, and being a good Roman Catholic, I buy the JFK issue.

After paying for the magazine and getting Mad in my hands, I realize that the Nixon and JFK issues are the same issue; the same magazine had two covers! The front cover had Nixon and the back cover had JFK, however, the back cover was printed upside down so that it opened with the binding on the left as if it was a front cover!

Upon further investigation, I discovered that not only was the back cover printed upside down, but half the magazine was printed upside down following the upside down cover

This blew my mind. It was thinking outside the box and it was so far out there that opened my mind to thinking outside the box, too... yadda, yadda, yadda...

Originally, that is how I intended to end my show 'n' tell, but the night before my presentation, it suddenly hit me that that two-in-one Mad issue also defined my life as transgender... half and half... man and woman... ying and yang! It was an epiphany of sorts to me and I had to share it, so that is how I actually ended my show 'n' tell.

It was no big deal. I am sure that two days into the workshop, all the attendees had me figured out. I was not fooling anyone, so my revelation would not be a surprise. And it fit so well into my show and tell that I just had to do it.

Seeing everyone's reaction to my show 'n' tell, I think just about everyone appreciated my story and its honesty. Like one of the attendees, a male 60-something retired teacher, who went out of his way to tell me the next day that he loved my metaphor!

womanhattan: Sunday afternoon

I don't have much time to blog at this time, so I will leave you with this photo taken late this afternoon.

I promise to flesh out the details of my New York City trip real soon now. I have a lot to say, so please stay tuned.

womanhattan: Sunday morning

I am sitting in my hotel room early Sunday morning sipping my first cup of coffee with random thoughts flowing through my head.

***

It is so cool to sit here and look out the window and see the top of the Empire State Building looming over the roofs of the buildings across the street. The Building is quite imposing since it is only three blocks away, but the first day I was here, I did not know it was there because the low clouds obscured it. Friday, I saw it for the first time in all its glory.

When I awoke this morning the clouds cut off the television and FM radio transmitter antennas at the top of the tower, so all you saw was its Zeppelin mooring mast, as it appeared in King Kong. Like I said, "so cool."

***

I did some outreach last night over dinner. As I wrote last night, I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art with a woman from my workshop and her traveling companion daughter. While we dined, we talked about our lives and during a lull in the conversation, I asked her if she wanted to know about my transness.

She admitted that she was dying to ask, but did not ask because she respected my privacy. I told her I love to talk about it and I proceeded to do so.

She got "it" as was evidenced by her questions. She also thought that my coming out in the workshop was a very big deal and she gave me a lot of credit for doing so.

***

Most of the people in the workshop are very cool. After I came out, my workshop mates seemed friendlier to me.

One young woman, who was very friendly to me even before I came out, also went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art yesterday and we ran into her a few times. During one run-in, she insisted that I meet her husband, who was looking at some artwork nearby. So, she fetched him and introduced us and we had a short and pleasant conversation.

It made me feel so good that she would do that! That she thought well enough of me to want to introduce me to her spouse made me feel that she considered me a normal person and not a freak.

***

Erica, the transwoman I went out with on Thursday night mentioned our outing on the My Husband Betty message board and I quote, "Staci, who in addition to being muy bonita was terrific fun to hang out with."

I thank her for the kind words.

***

The sky is brightening and now I can see all the way to the top of the Empire State Building, so I am looking forward to another wonderful day in womanhattan.

womanhattan: Saturday continued

The workshop went well and I learned a lot. Also, during today's session, I took a big step; we each had to do a brief autobiography and when it was my turn, I came out that I was transgender. I did not hear a discouraging word; on the contrary, most people were very supportive and I was glad I did what I did.

The weather continued to be poor with rain off and on all day.

During the workshop, I made plans with a woman who was staying in the same hotel as mine to do something together with her and her daughter, who was traveling with her, but not attending the workshop. (I did not want to be solo again.) Since the weather was not conducive for seeing the Big Apple on foot, we decided to take a cab and see the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

We arrived at the museum around 3:30 PM and viewed the exhibits for over four hours. (That's me in the photo next to Andy Warhol's take on Jacqueline Kennedy.) The museum is huge and we probably saw only 1/10th of its vast spectacular collection. It was a great experience.

We decided to dine at the museum's restaurant and the food was as good as the art. And I highly recommend the Mango Frida cocktail!

The museum closed at 9 PM, but we did not finish dining until 9:15, so we had the place to ourselves as we walked from the restaurant to the exit.

We took a cab back down 5th Avenue and were back at our hotel at 9:30 PM.

A lot of people saw me en femme today, probably thousands of people. And everybody who I personally encountered, treated me like a lady. I did notice more than a few people (mostly guys) giving me a second look, but they probably were just taken aback my Amazonian appearance!

My confidence en femme has surprised myself. I hailed cabs en femme (and usually caught the first one to pass by) and I spoke to people throughout the day and did not think twice about it. For example, when we were in the museum, I asked various museum personnel various questions. In the past, I would have asked one of the two women I was sightseeing with to do my bidding.

It was a great day and tomorrow promises to be even better!

womanhattan: Saturday

This is just a short episode that I want to write about before I forget it.

This morning, I went to my workshop carrying my purse and a large shopping bag containing the workshop materials. I get on the hotel elevator and a 40-something couple are already aboard.

As I got on, I smiled, and turned around to watch the floor numbers flash by.

Suddenly, the guy in the couple says, "Wow, she already has done a lot of shopping without leaving the hotel!"

At first I did not get what he meant, but then I realized the "she" he was referring to was me and he was making a reference to my full shopping bag.

I blushed and the woman said, "Good for you."

I said, "Thank you."

That was an auspicious start to my day.

womanhattan: Friday

I did not sleep well last night.

I attended my workshop in the morning.

I did not hear a discouraging word. A number of people, both male and female, took the initiative to engage me in conversation.

It was hot and humid, not my kind of weather when wearing a wig and foundation garments, but after the workshop, I went out on the town.

I walked four blocks up to Sephora and bought some makeup, then I crossed the street to visit Macy's. The store is huge. It just goes on and on and on.

I found a beautiful dress and I tried it on. It fit fine, but it was very low cut and I just don't have the body for it. So, I did not buy it.

I was very, very tired and returned to my hotel. I just wanted to rest and I did not look forward to going out to dine.

Like magic, someone slipped some menus for takeout under my door, and I took advantage of their offerings and had Japanese take-out delivered to my room. For dessert, I hit the vending machine and had a strawberry Pop-Tart.

It was not a glamorous evening in the Big Apple, but being a girl is not glamorous most of the time, and so it goes.

womanhattan: Thursday evening

This will be short because it is 12:25 AM and I am tired.

I dressed en femme.

Erica, from My Husband Betty message board met me at my hotel and we walked down 7th Avenue looking for a place to dine. We ate at an Italian restaurant called Restivo. The food was excellent and we were treated like ladies.

After dinner, we took a cab to Nowhere, a GLBT-friendly bar, had a few drinks and met some other girls I know from My Husband Betty message board and elsewhere on the Internet (Caprice, Abby, Devon, Rita, Skyler). I tired and took a cab back to my hotel around midnight.

I had a wonderful time, but I am too tired to write much more.

Tomorrow is another day!

The accompanying photo is Erica and I at Nowhere.

womanhattan: arrived safe and sound

I have arrived safe and sound. Checked into my hotel room and will get en femme real soon now.

skirts versus pants

womanhattan

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. – Audrey Hepburn*

Needless to say, most of my thoughts these days are on my upcoming trip to New York City.

If you are new to this blog, I'll fill you in: I will be in Manhattan over the weekend attending a four-day workshop related to my profession. I plan to arrive in The City on Thursday, check-in to my Midtown hotel, then dress en femme and remain en femme until I check-out on Monday.

It is not the first time that I have been en femme for an extended period of time. In the past, I have attended trans conventions, where I was en femme 24/7 for four or five days and last fall, I attended Fantasia Fair, where I was en femme for a week.

I enjoyed those experiences en femme, but in reality, trans conventions and Fantasia Fair are extensions of our closets, i.e., they are safe havens for transgenders.

Most of the action at trans conventions takes place in hotels where the staff is well aware of their guests' status. Since it is their job to take care of their guests, convention attendees feel very safe and comfortable at such events.

The situation is the same at Fantasia Fair only on a larger scale. Like the staff at the convention hotels, the whole of Provincetown, which hosts the Fair, takes care of its visitors, so fairgoers feel very safe and comfortable having the run of the town for a week in late October.

My trip to New York City is different. I will be en femme 24/7 without a safety net.

Besides attending the workshop, I plan to experience The City en femme. The workshop ends early each afternoon, so the rest of the day, I am free to visit museums, go shopping, see shows, go to the Top of the Rock, dine, dance, go to Mass at Saint Pat's, etc. and that's what I intend to do... all en femme or rather, as myself.

* Thank you, Holly, for the word "womanhattan," as well as for the Audrey Hepburn quotation, which helped take the edge off of the trepidation I am having about this upcoming adventure.