womanhattan: Saturday continued

The workshop went well and I learned a lot. Also, during today's session, I took a big step; we each had to do a brief autobiography and when it was my turn, I came out that I was transgender. I did not hear a discouraging word; on the contrary, most people were very supportive and I was glad I did what I did.

The weather continued to be poor with rain off and on all day.

During the workshop, I made plans with a woman who was staying in the same hotel as mine to do something together with her and her daughter, who was traveling with her, but not attending the workshop. (I did not want to be solo again.) Since the weather was not conducive for seeing the Big Apple on foot, we decided to take a cab and see the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

We arrived at the museum around 3:30 PM and viewed the exhibits for over four hours. (That's me in the photo next to Andy Warhol's take on Jacqueline Kennedy.) The museum is huge and we probably saw only 1/10th of its vast spectacular collection. It was a great experience.

We decided to dine at the museum's restaurant and the food was as good as the art. And I highly recommend the Mango Frida cocktail!

The museum closed at 9 PM, but we did not finish dining until 9:15, so we had the place to ourselves as we walked from the restaurant to the exit.

We took a cab back down 5th Avenue and were back at our hotel at 9:30 PM.

A lot of people saw me en femme today, probably thousands of people. And everybody who I personally encountered, treated me like a lady. I did notice more than a few people (mostly guys) giving me a second look, but they probably were just taken aback my Amazonian appearance!

My confidence en femme has surprised myself. I hailed cabs en femme (and usually caught the first one to pass by) and I spoke to people throughout the day and did not think twice about it. For example, when we were in the museum, I asked various museum personnel various questions. In the past, I would have asked one of the two women I was sightseeing with to do my bidding.

It was a great day and tomorrow promises to be even better!

womanhattan: Saturday

This is just a short episode that I want to write about before I forget it.

This morning, I went to my workshop carrying my purse and a large shopping bag containing the workshop materials. I get on the hotel elevator and a 40-something couple are already aboard.

As I got on, I smiled, and turned around to watch the floor numbers flash by.

Suddenly, the guy in the couple says, "Wow, she already has done a lot of shopping without leaving the hotel!"

At first I did not get what he meant, but then I realized the "she" he was referring to was me and he was making a reference to my full shopping bag.

I blushed and the woman said, "Good for you."

I said, "Thank you."

That was an auspicious start to my day.

womanhattan: Friday

I did not sleep well last night.

I attended my workshop in the morning.

I did not hear a discouraging word. A number of people, both male and female, took the initiative to engage me in conversation.

It was hot and humid, not my kind of weather when wearing a wig and foundation garments, but after the workshop, I went out on the town.

I walked four blocks up to Sephora and bought some makeup, then I crossed the street to visit Macy's. The store is huge. It just goes on and on and on.

I found a beautiful dress and I tried it on. It fit fine, but it was very low cut and I just don't have the body for it. So, I did not buy it.

I was very, very tired and returned to my hotel. I just wanted to rest and I did not look forward to going out to dine.

Like magic, someone slipped some menus for takeout under my door, and I took advantage of their offerings and had Japanese take-out delivered to my room. For dessert, I hit the vending machine and had a strawberry Pop-Tart.

It was not a glamorous evening in the Big Apple, but being a girl is not glamorous most of the time, and so it goes.

womanhattan: Thursday evening

This will be short because it is 12:25 AM and I am tired.

I dressed en femme.

Erica, from My Husband Betty message board met me at my hotel and we walked down 7th Avenue looking for a place to dine. We ate at an Italian restaurant called Restivo. The food was excellent and we were treated like ladies.

After dinner, we took a cab to Nowhere, a GLBT-friendly bar, had a few drinks and met some other girls I know from My Husband Betty message board and elsewhere on the Internet (Caprice, Abby, Devon, Rita, Skyler). I tired and took a cab back to my hotel around midnight.

I had a wonderful time, but I am too tired to write much more.

Tomorrow is another day!

The accompanying photo is Erica and I at Nowhere.

womanhattan: arrived safe and sound

I have arrived safe and sound. Checked into my hotel room and will get en femme real soon now.

skirts versus pants

womanhattan

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone. – Audrey Hepburn*

Needless to say, most of my thoughts these days are on my upcoming trip to New York City.

If you are new to this blog, I'll fill you in: I will be in Manhattan over the weekend attending a four-day workshop related to my profession. I plan to arrive in The City on Thursday, check-in to my Midtown hotel, then dress en femme and remain en femme until I check-out on Monday.

It is not the first time that I have been en femme for an extended period of time. In the past, I have attended trans conventions, where I was en femme 24/7 for four or five days and last fall, I attended Fantasia Fair, where I was en femme for a week.

I enjoyed those experiences en femme, but in reality, trans conventions and Fantasia Fair are extensions of our closets, i.e., they are safe havens for transgenders.

Most of the action at trans conventions takes place in hotels where the staff is well aware of their guests' status. Since it is their job to take care of their guests, convention attendees feel very safe and comfortable at such events.

The situation is the same at Fantasia Fair only on a larger scale. Like the staff at the convention hotels, the whole of Provincetown, which hosts the Fair, takes care of its visitors, so fairgoers feel very safe and comfortable having the run of the town for a week in late October.

My trip to New York City is different. I will be en femme 24/7 without a safety net.

Besides attending the workshop, I plan to experience The City en femme. The workshop ends early each afternoon, so the rest of the day, I am free to visit museums, go shopping, see shows, go to the Top of the Rock, dine, dance, go to Mass at Saint Pat's, etc. and that's what I intend to do... all en femme or rather, as myself.

* Thank you, Holly, for the word "womanhattan," as well as for the Audrey Hepburn quotation, which helped take the edge off of the trepidation I am having about this upcoming adventure.

readdressing "passing"

Thursday's "passing" posting was written hastily and posted in error.

I typed my thoughts quickly and intended to save them for later editing, but when I intended to click on the "save now" button, I actually clicked on the "publish post" button and poof!... I published the posting on the blog.

I was very busy that day and let it go figuring it said what I wanted to say. But as time passed, the e-mails and comments I received indicated that I could have done a better job. So, this post is my attempt to do that, i.e., to clarify what I wrote in my previous post.

I usually check my ego at the Blogger door before I write a post, but if I do that now, what I am about to write will not make sense. So, I am not going to hold back in the following piece.

I am very good at what I do, i.e., I know how to emulate a woman.

Over the years, many genetic woman have complimented me on my taste in clothing, how well I put outfits together, do my makeup, my hair, my nails, etc. I am definitely not a guy in a dress, a man in a skirt, or a fellow in a frock. And despite my size, I often pass as an attractive statuesque woman. And I am very proud of that achievement.

From years of experience, I have learned that my natural speech and mannerisms are such that strangers sometimes take me for gay when I am in male mode. As a result, my natural speech and mannerisms suit me well when I am en femme.

By the way, I bought books and tapes to learn how to speak as a woman, followed the advice they offered, practiced, practiced, and practiced some more, and eventually achieved a feminine voice. But whenever I used that voice in public, I felt ridiculous. That voice was not the really me, so I abandoned the fake voice and returned to using my normal voice en femme.

When I wrote in Thursday's post that I was going to stop trying to pass, I did not mean that I was going to abandon anything I already do. I meant that I will continue to do what I do, i.e., femulate rather successfully, but that passing is something I would no longer worry about when I did femulate. As I wrote in my previous post, "If I pass and strangers think I am a woman, so be it. If I don't pass and strangers think I am a man dressed as a woman, that is OK, too; I won't deny it."

I also wrote, "I will stop pretending that I am a woman." That statement probably confused matters more than anything else I wrote in Thursday's post, so I will elaborate.

I will stop pretending that I am a woman because I don't have to pretend. I am a woman in many ways, probably in more ways than I know.

Unlike the classic transsexual model, I never felt I was a woman trapped in a man's body. I passed through the world in such a feminine manner that maybe the woman in me did not feel trapped. Instead, she was out there whether I was en homme or en femme.

And during those times when she was out there en femme, she blossomed and became whole. That explains why I so enjoy being en femme because then I am whole.

tall friend of a stone

Model, television hostess, and mother of a Mick Jagger son, Luciana Gimenez, is 5' 10" tall and becomes the latest addition to our Famous Females of Height list.

masculinity springing forward

As usual, click on the image if you want to see it bigger.

next stop, a wig salon

As usual, click on the image to make it look bigger.

passing

Years ago, I saw the logic of the concept that passing (as a female) was not important. However, passing was still important to me and whenever I went out en femme, the success of my outing depended upon how well I passed.

As I matured as a trans something or other, passing became less important; not passing when I was out en femme was no longer a deal breaker, however, it was still nicer to pass than not.

Now, I am seriously considering stop trying to pass. No, I am not going to burn my longline bra and I have no plans to stop dressing like a woman. I plan to continue to wear woman's clothing, makeup, hairstyles, etc. However, I will stop pretending that I am a woman.

If I pass and strangers think I am a woman, so be it. If I don't pass and strangers think I am a man dressed as a woman, that is OK, too; I won't deny it.

That would take a load off my mind and it is a concept that I may adopt real soon now.

death by girdle

As usual, click on the image to enlarge it.

www.femulate.org

This blog has a new domain: www.femulate.org

The old femulate.blogspot.com still works, too.

women wear what they want and so do I - part 2

Commenting on yesterday's post, women wear what they want and so do I, livinglovingmaid wrote, "Two more males who wear what they want--fashion designer Philippe Blond and Japanese makeup artist/singer/media star Ikko."

I looked these guys up on the Internet and all I have to say is, "Wow!"

Philippe appears in the photo above left and Ikko appears above right.

new highs

The spurt of additions to the Famous Females of Height list last week resulted in two e-mails recommending more additions to the list.

Chris suggested Slavica Ecclestone, a former Armani model and ex-wife of Formula One racing CEO Bernie Ecclestone. Slavica is 6' 2" tall (same as me).

While looking up Slavica on the Internet, I discovered that the Ecclestones' daughter, Petra Ecclestone, a fashion designer, is 5' 8" tall. (That's daughter and mother in the accompanying photo.)

Meanwhile, Paula suggested CNN anchor Kitty Pilgrim, who is 6' 0" tall.

These three tall women have been added to the Famous Females of Height list.

women wear what they want and so do I

I admire Grayson Perry and Eddie Izzard because they are males who wear female clothing and make no bones about it. They don't have secret identities that they hide behind when they crossdress like I do.

"Women wear what they want and so do I," says Izzard.

If I did not have a family to love and support, I believe I would be out there, too, dressing in women's clothing without a secret identity.

But today, I have too much to lose because there are no laws to protect me if I came out as a crossdresser. My employer could let me go for that reason and I would have no recourse.

Also, I love my family and I think that they might be embarrassed and upset if I came out, but I do not know that for sure. It is something I might explore with them if our legislators ever get around to affording some protection at the workplace.

Anyway, I just discovered another male who is out there wearing women's clothing without a secret identity: Andre J.

Not only do I admire Andre J. for what he is doing, but I admire him for how he is doing it, i.e., I like his style. I can definitely see me wearing some of the outfits he has worn, although without a beard.

shall we dance en femme?

This might be old news to you who watch reality TV, i.e., crossdressing contestants on the ABC series Shall We Dance?

I don't watch reality television, so I missed them, but discovered their videos on YouTube last night. I am mentioning them here in case anyone else missed them, too.

men have L'eggs, too!

As usual, click on the image to enlarge it.

what did I see last night?

(updated below)

I like The Office and love 30 Rock, but they are in rerun like everything else this time of year, so I did not pay a lot of attention to the television last night. Instead, I perused the newest addition (Volume 7) of the Complete Chester Gould's Dick Tracy series, which arrived at my home yesterday.

Almost every volume of the series contains a crossdressing bit and Volume 7 did not disappoint with a series of panels showing two hoods disguised in early 1940's drag. All the crossdressing in Dick Tracy makes me wonder: (1) is crossdressing a common disguise used by hoods or (2) did Chester Gould have a special interest in crossdressing?

Anyway, I was half-watching the television while The Office and 30 Rock were on and not watching much at all during commercials. But my T-Dar (trans-radar) is always on and it caused me to look up and catch half of a commercial.

The commercial showed a race car at a pit stop. The driver was a woman in race car drag. The pit crew were men wearing cropped tops, mini-skirts, and black high heel pumps. Their legs were shaved and their bodies looked hairless, too.

I think they were advertising a mobile phone, but I am not sure because I was so surprised with what I was seeing that I did not pay attention to what was being said.

Has anyone else seen this commercial? If so, please pass along the details that I missed.

UPDATE: Elaine identified the advertisement as a Boost Mobile commercial with Indy 500 driver Danica Patrick and I found the commercial online here.

a new pocketbook

I returned the jacquard zebra dress to Kohl's today. That gave me $40.80 in store credit plus I had two discount coupons totaling $15, so this girl had to shop albeit en homme.

I browsed the dresses, but there was nothing I really wanted. Then I looked at pocketbooks.

Just like a woman, I buy mass quantities of shoes and pocketbooks and I found one that I liked a lot: a Daisy Fuentes stitch hobo bag that had an art deco look to it.

It listed for $58, but was on sale for $34.80. With my $15 discount coupons, it cost only $20.99.

After paying for it, I was tempted to walk out of the store with it on my shoulder wearing it as a "manbag" to see what reaction I might get. But I decided against it because the store is close to my workplace and there is always the possibility that I might run into somebody I know.

Daisy Fuentes

Minutes after publishing my Bonnie Hunt post, I received a comment from Coleen saying that I looked terrific in my Daisy Fuentes dress.

Since I was in a Famous Females of Height frame of mind, I wondered about Daisy Fuentes' height. So, I Googled her height and she is 5' 9" tall, so I added her to my Famous Females of Height list.

Bonnie Hunt

I always liked the multi-talented Bonnie Hunt. In films or television, the attractive Chicago-native was always entertaining and often very funny.

My spouse is a big fan of Ms. Hunt's current talk show and minutes ago, we were trying to guess her age. To settle the discussion, I looked Ms. Hunt up on the Internet and turns out that she is 48, going on 49 in September. It also turns out that she is 5' 8" tall and deserving of a spot on my Famous Females of Height list.

Newcomers to this blog may wonder how my Famous Females of Height list relates to the topic of this blog, femulation. Here is a quick explanation:

The average female is not as tall as the average femulator. That height discrepancy might prevent some femulators from going out in public en femme because they feel that they are too tall to pass as a female.

The purpose of my Famous Females of Height list is to show that there really are tall genetic women out there, and therefore, height should not be a factor that prevents femulators from going out en femme.

boys' clothes

“That’s the way it is and you will just have to get used to it,” she explained.

“But, I prefer to wear girl’s clothes,” I insisted.

“I know, sweetheart, but now it’s against the law for boys to dress like girls.”

“But, I don’t know how to wear boy’s clothes,” I responded.

“Well, I’ll help you,” she said.

Most boys were already wearing boys’ clothes, but I was a stubborn little boy and would turn on the tears whenever she suggested I begin dressing like a boy. Until now, my tears had been successful, but they would not help me anymore because today the anti-female impersonation law went into effect, which ruled that boys had to dress like boys, not girls.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it,” she insisted.

Boys I knew who were already dressing like boys did get used to it after awhile, and many of them even liked it.

“Now, take off your clothes and I will help you get dressed,” she said.

“And that's an order,” she added.

I quickly removed all my clothes and put them in a pile in the middle of the bedroom.

Next, she handed me the first item of boy’s clothing to put on.

“Tell me if you need any help,” she proffered.

One-by-one, she handed me another item of boy’s clothing to put on and surprisingly, I needed very little help.

She insisted on showing me how to put on the pantyhose because, “You don’t want to run your very first pair.”

Other than that, I only asked for her assistance twice: to help me close the hooks on my bra and to button up the back of my dress.

too small on bottom: tight jeans, a health risk

Five-inch stilettos, too-heavy handbags, a wedding dress that seemingly weighed as much as a small child — Parmeeta Ghoman admits she’s no stranger to suffering for fashion. “I’m the kind of person who buys shoes two sizes too small just because they’re cute — and they’re on sale,” says Ghoman, who's 28 and lives outside of San Francisco.

But when she wore a pair of super-tight skinny jeans to dinner with friends in December, she noticed an odd tingly sensation running up and down her thighs. And when she got up to walk around, things got weirder. She felt like she was almost "floating," because she couldn't feel her legs. “It felt really strange — it felt like my leg had gone to sleep,” Ghoman says.

Ghoman’s skin-tight denim may have caused a temporary bout of a nerve condition called meralgia paresthetica, also known as “tingling thigh syndrome.” The condition can happen when constant pressure — in Ghoman's case, from the skin-tight denim — cuts off the lateral femoral cutaneous nerve, causing a numb, tingling or burning sensation along the thigh.

Read the rest of the story here.

too big on top / too small on top

I am too big on top or the dress I bought at Kohl's last week is too small on top. Either way, I will return the dress for a refund.

I loved the dress and I wanted to keep it. So, I tried it on with two different bras, as well as braless, but no matter what I tried, it was too tight in the bust area.

The dress does not come in a larger size and there is no way I can reduce my size enough for it to fit without removing a rib or two, so I will reluctantly return it to Kohl's this week.

Funny story: I went shopping at a different Kohl's store on Saturday and saw a rack full of that dress with the hangars marked with the dress sizes. I was overjoyed when I saw sizes larger than the size 16 I bought that did not fit, so I asked a Kohl's employee if the store would hold a dress for me while I returned home to get the dress I bought and bring it in for an exchange.

The helpful store employee asked me which dress I wanted them to hold, so I went to the rack and removed one marked "XL." The woman looked at the dress and asked quizzically, "Size 6?"

"Size 6, no it's an extra-large."

Then I realized the hangars had nothing to do with the actual dress size. Whoever racked the dresses did not pay any attention to discrepancies between the dress size and the size printed on the hangar. The largest size that dress came in was still the size 16 that did not fit.

Darn! For a minute there, I thought I had a solution to my tight fit!

a forgetful day

As usual, click on the image to magnify it.

to pass or not to pass

As usual, click on the image to enlarge it.

getting unstuck

As usual, click on the image to enlarge it.

liking Kohl's

I went to Kohl's during my lunch hour to exchange a watch that I gave to my wife as a Mother's Day gift. There were lots of discounts throughout the store, so after the exchange, I shopped for girl mode in boy mode.

First, I looked for a belt to go with my beige cropped pants and found a perfect match, a $24 belt on sale for $12.

Next, I looked at dresses and reconsidered a Dana Buckman jacquard zebra dress in brown and white. I had eyed the dress last time I was in the store, but now it was on sale, an $80 dress for $48. I had a 15% discount coupon in hand, so how could I resist; the dress would cost only $40.80 and the belt only $10.20; that's $104 list price for $51.

Coincidentally, I was pining here yesterday for a jacquard dress and today, I found one! The dress fits like a glove and the hem lands about two inches above the knee. It is very cute!

I feel good

I feel real good about myself.

I thought I would say that because after reading the words of many blogs and Web pages in Transylvania, you get the notion that we are all sad sacks in drag.

Sure, things could be better. I could be 20 years younger, 20 pounds lighter, and $20 million richer, but I am not going to dwell on those things because I am very happy being a mature woman, who wears a girdle, and pays a mortgage.

I am always happy to help our cause and I think I helped it a little bit last Saturday when I assited a newbie to get out for the first time in the world en femme. In my mind, that little push is all she needed to successfully blossom into the woman she wants to be.

Also on Saturday evening, a very attractive young woman asked me to dance. That never happened to me before and I was thrilled! I will never know why she asked me to dance, but it had to be for a positive reason, not a negative one. Whatever... It made me feel very good about myself.

Almost a week later, I am still riding the highs of Saturday and I feel wonderful!

call me Rachel

jacquard: one of my first loves in fashion

Back in the 1960's, Mom owned a dress very similar to the Dolce & Gabbana "Jackie" silk dress pictured on the left (item number 245437 for $3,550 at Nordstrom).

I dunno if Mom's dress was made of silk and I dunno how much she paid for it; in fact, she may have sewn it herself, but I do know Mom's dress looks a lot like the Dolce & Gabbana dress with a jacquard pattern atop a sleek white shift dress.

I loved Mom's jacquard dress and wore it often when I was crossdressing home alone. It fit like the proverbial glove and I loved the way it looked on me.

Ever since wearing that dress, I have had an affinity for jacquard patterned dresses, but I have had limited success in purchasing a jacquard dress for myself.

The closest I came to obtaining a duplicate of Mom's dress was a dress I won in an eBay auction. The dress (pictured on the right) is a white jacquard shift just like Mom's dress, but it is much shorter and a little tighter (smaller); so much so that I have never worn it out.

I don't mind the short hem so much, but I do mind the tightness. If I lose ten pounds or so, maybe I will wear it out.

womanless pageant news

This just in from our Womanless Pageant Hotline correspondent, Laurie...

"Here's another womanless beauty pageant. Most of these guys don't look too good. But the winner is truly a winner!"

This womanless pageant occurred at the New Augusta (MS) Elementary School and I have to agree with Laurie that the winner was outstanding in the field of contestants.

And, in case you missed it, they crowned Sorrawee Nattee as the winner of the Miss Tiffany's Universe 2009 pageant last week in Pattaya, Thailand.

spring cleaning

I cleaned up the link lists in the right hand column of this page, deleting dead links, updating changed links, and adding new links.

Saturday salsa redux

A reader requested more photos from Saturday night, so here is another that came close to a wearing-a-lampshade-on-my-head photo!

In this photo, I am resting a few moments before going out on the town.

By the way, I love the dress I am wearing and plan to take it on my NYC trip next month.

Saturday salsa

I had a wonderful night out en femme in Dayton, Ohio, Saturday evening.

Searching the Internet to find a nice venue for Saturday evening, I found Therapy Cafe, which looked like a cool place and was billed as LGBT-friendly, too.

I invited three friends to join me on my night out: Jade Catherine and her spouse Christie, who had been a part of my previous Dayton outing in 2007, and Edie, a trans-friend from Toledo, who would be making her debut out en femme.

After spending another exhaustive day at the Hamvention, I returned to my hotel room at 5 PM to get ready. I was in girl mode at 7 PM and phoned Edie to get the show on the road.

Edie was staying in the same hotel as I, so I met her in her room for our first face-to-face meeting. I had never seen a photo of Edie, so I did not know what to expect. Turns out she had just had a makeover at Sephora and she looked great!

After chatting awhile, we hit the road. Edie kindly drove because with 20,000 hams in town, I was a little fearful of driving en femme with my amateur radio call sign emblazoned on my vehicle's license plate.

Therapy Cafe looked inviting, although it was almost devoid of customers. It was 8 PM and the sun had not set, so the nightowls were not out yet. (Dayton is near the west end of the Eastern Time Zone and as a result, the sun sets late there - 8:47 PM on Saturday night, to be exact.)

We found a centrally located table surrounded by cushy couches and settled in for the evening. The waiter was friendly, treated us like ladies, and took our order.

We chatted, drank wine, and munched on pizza as more customers filed in. About 8:30 PM, Jade Catherine and Christie joined us to complete our party. Meanwhile, the DJ revved up the salsa and many female customers danced while the male customers gawked.

A group of six young 20-something women were seated at the table next to us and some of them greeted and smiled at us as they went back and forth between the dance floor to their table. Finally, one woman came over to our table to ask if we wanted to dance.

I had never danced salsa before, but I jumped at the invitation. My dance partner said she would show me how to do salsa; so, on the dance floor, I followed her moves and after the song was over, she said I did fine. I was ready to dance some more, but the majority had had enough of the loud music and decided to go next door for dessert at a wine bar.

It was getting late, so I followed their lead and we were soon seated in more cushy couches munching on a variety of sumptuous desserts. I ordered "crustless" pie (I love pie) and it was probably one of the best pies I have ever eaten!

By now, it was getting close to turning into pumpkin time, so we exchanged hugs with Jade Catherine and Christie, then Edie drove back to our hotel and we called it a night.

check-in time

As usual, click on the image to enlarge it.

the man knows what he likes

As usual, click on the image to magnify it.

brotherhood of the six-inch heels

This week, 9 Chickweed Lane continued where it left off last week with its series about men in high heels.

Here are installments from Monday, Tuesday, and today.

buy one, get one free

Shopped at Kohl's and bought a new dress and top. The dress cost $54 and the top was free because Kohl's was having a "buy one, get one free" sale.

The dress is a "daisy fuentes Watercolor Knot-Front Dress. Watercolor print lends a creative look. Knotted overlay and shirred details offer uniquely feminine style. Soft, stretchy blend gives you a comfortable fit."

I saw the dress last Thursday when I was shopping for a Mother's Day gift. They had a full rack of the dresses on Thursday, but when I returned today, they only had two left and luckily, one in my size. I plan to wear the dress out Saturday night in Dayton.

The top is a "daisy fuentes Slubbed Sweater. Shirred details add a charming touch. Ribbed trim offers a bit of natural stretch and shape retention. Slubbed cotton construction ensures comfortable wear." The original price was $40; my price was $0.

The color of the top, royal blue, caught my eye and I thought it would look lovely with my black leggings. I will wear the outfit when I am in NYC next month.

this week

On Wednesday, I begin my journey to Dayton, Ohio, where I will attend the annual Dayton Hamvention and the 2009 ARRL National Convention on Friday and Saturday.

I am an amateur radio/ham radio operator and a well-known writer in the ham radio print and electronic media. I make the trek to Dayton every year or two to renew old acquaintances, make new acquaintances, see what is new in ham radio, attend forums on topics of interest, check out the flea market, socialize with my ham radio friends, and have a good time.

However, by Saturday evening of Hamvention weekend, I am usually burnt out from all the ham activities, so I do something completely different. When I get back to my hotel room, I kick off my sneakers, slip into my heels, and go out en femme.

Every year, I do something different en femme in Dayton and this year, I plan to go downtown and visit Therapy Cafe. It has a reputation as LGBT-friendly, so it should be a cool place to spend a few hours and wind down from Hamvention.

By the way, my attendance at Hamvention will likely result in fewer postings here than usual, but I will try and check in whenever I can so that you will know that I am alive and well. And, of course, I will have a full report (with photos) of my Saturday night out en femme.

Monday briefs (or men's panties)

On Saturday, 9 Chickweed Lane (right) concluded its week about men in high heels.

I returned the dress I bought from Metrostyle because I did not like the way it looked on me.

Kohl's has a "buy one, get one free sale" today. I plan to go shopping there later and hopefully buy two dresses for the price of one.

mother of femulation

My mother died nearly three years ago.

My father was a hard worker. He earned the money for our family, working overtime whenever he could, and sometimes working two jobs. He was not a big presence in our family because he was at work a lot of the time.

As a result, my mother ran the show in our family; she handled the family finances and raised and disciplined my sister and I. She was a tough, but fair disciplinarian and she loved her children, especially me, who she favored. Also, she was a very beautiful woman.

My mother was the parent I looked up to because she was the parent that was around. I did not know it at the time, but she was my role model.

I was a creative kid and my mother encouraged my creative side. I loved sports, especially baseball, but I was not very good at it (I could hit the ball a mile, but I threw like a girl). So early on, I knew where my strengths laid. I spent a lot of time writing and drawing and my mother supported and encouraged me. Eventually, I became a successful professional writer with a lot of thanks going to my mother.

I looked like my mother's side of the family and inherited many of her features like her long legs and her facial features. When I do my makeup just so, I look a lot like her; people would mistake us for mother and daughter, i.e., if she was alive and I dressed en femme in her presence.

I did not think that my mother knew about my crossdressing, because she never broached the subject despite the fact that I often got into her stuff and even ruined some items that I found out the hard way, were too small for me. I was very much in the closet then and I was just as happy that she did not know. But. she knew.

As newlyweds, my wife and I crossdressed for a Halloween party and when I mentioned our party plans to my mother over the phone, she asked if I had taken my box of "stuff" with me when I moved out.

I don't recall my response, but at that moment, I knew she knew. She never mentioned it again and neither did I.

Howwever, once in awhile right up to her death, she would say to me, "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

I always thought she was referring to my crossdressing when she asked and I always said, "No."

In retrospect, I wish I had confided in my mother about me becoming a woman. She was so loving and so supportive that I think she would have helped me. (She was a great seamstress by the way and I can only dream about the outfits she might have sewn for her male daughter.) But, I did not confide in her and I regret it now.

But, if there is a heaven, I am sure my mother smiles down at me when she sees her firstborn dressed en femme enjoying her time as a woman.

So, Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

Your Loving Daughter,

Staci Lana

(The accompanying studio photograph is one I found somewhere on the Internet depicting a son and mother in the late 19th or early 20th Century. Click on it to enlarge the photo of the mother and her male daughter.)

if it only came in periwinkle...

As usual, click on the image to magnify it.

me in high heels

The 9 Chickwood Lane "men in high heels" saga continues today.

One of the female students at outreach on Tuesday asked me how did I learn to walk in high heels. (At the time, I was wearing my black patent Mary Jane peep-toe pumps with 3 to 4 inch stiletto heels, which, by the way, are very comfortable for a pump with that high a heel.)

I started wearing heels when I was 12 years old and from the start, I took to heels like a duck takes to webbed feet. I do not recall ever having any trouble walking in heels.

My highest shoes are a pair of platform Mary Jane pumps with a 5-inch heel and I can walk fine in those, too, but I don't wear them when I drive. My Subaru has a manual transmission and I found it difficult to manage the three pedals in 5-inch platform heels. I think the platform had more to do with the problem than the height of the heel, but nevertheless, I will never drive wearing those shoes again.

Thursday thingies

I returned to Dress Barn to exchange the top I bought yesterday. When I tried it on with the cropped pants last night, I did not like the way it looked on me.

On the other hand, the cropped pants fit perfectly and I love the way they looked on me. Now, this comes from a girl, who usually shuns pants and trousers.

Anyway, I exchanged yesterday's top for a different top (a green print) that I think will look nicer. I also bought a cool pair of clip-on earrings. They are silver tone circles, about an inch wide, that are painted gloss black on one side.

I received my daily e-mail from JCPenney trying to convince to buy something from them. The subject of the e-mail was "3 Days 'Til Mom's Day! Dress The Part." Well, I already do that!

meels (men's heels) again

Meg Winters e-mailed me again about the latest installment of 9 Chickweed Lane, which has dealt with men in heels three out of four days so far this week: Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday.

By the way, I wore 4-inch heels for over 7 hours on Tuesday and never had a nose bleed!

en femme on Tuesday

Yesterday was a good day out en femme despite the miserable weather (a light rain fell throughout the day and temperature hovered around 50 degrees, but it felt colder).

I wore my favorite dress and broke in a pair of heels that I bought on clearance from Newport-News many months ago, but had not worn yet.

I was out the door and arrived at my first stop, Payless , just after 10 AM to shop for a big handbag and comfortable shoes for my NYC trip.

They had a nice selection of big bags, but only a few had the top zip closure that I desired, so that narrowed down the selection process. After perusing all their offerings, I finally chose a big black "chic oversize tote" featuring "softie faux leather, silvertone grommet details, an interior large enough for most laptops."

Next, I shopped for a pair of comfortable flats for trekking around the paved canyons of NYC next month. The sizes were not consistent between styles, so I tried on every pair of flats that the store had on display in sizes 11, 11W, and 12.

I almost settled for a pair of size 11 Mary Jane flats that were a little loose, but then I spotted a pair of size 12 black patent moccasins that fit like a glove. I don't usually like moccasins, but these were different; they had black patent "faux leather uppers and a stylish silver buckle detail." They are really cute and don't look like traditional moccasins; they are also very comfortable and are the Dexter brand, so the quality is probably better, too.

While searching for the flats, I also found a pair of comfortable black round toe mid-heel Mary Janes that I added to my purchases.

The cashier was very chatty and remarked how I had such good taste! He liked all my purchases and said that the handbag I chose was flying out of the store. He also remarked that the mid-heel Mary Janes were very popular with dancers; he recently had to special order 15 pairs for a local dance troupe.

By the way, while I was trying on shoes, another customer said she loved the shoes I was wearing and wondered if I bought them at Payless because she wanted to buy a pair for herself. My Newport-News clearance shoes are black peep-toe Mary Janes with a 3-inch stiletto heel and a white button that holds the strap in place. The shoes are very cute and surprisingly comfortable considering their height.

I loaded my Payless purchases in my Subaru, then went shopping at Dress Barn, which was in the same strip mall as Payless. My goal was to find a pair of cropped pants and top to wear during my NYC stay in June.

I found a cute beige tunic length top with a square neckline and a brown floral print and I matched it with a pair of beige cropped pants. When I tried the outfit on, it was adorable, but the pants were too big. I figured that the next size down would be just right, but they did not have the next size down; I tried on a pair two sizes down, but they were too small. I bought the top and plan to go to another Dress Barn today to see if they have the pants in my size. (Scored! I found a pair in my size at another Dress Barn and I also bought another top to go with the pants.)

As expected when shopping during a weekday morning, most of the customers I encountered were retirees and young mothers with babies in tow. Nobody paid much attention to me. And the ones that did, like the woman in Payless, interacted with me as if I was just another female customer. It was very validating.

My shopping was a little rushed because I had to be in New Haven for the 12:20 PM class that I was outreaching. So back in the Subaru, I had a 15-minute drive to Diana's house. Diana was also participating in the outreach and she offered to drive to New Haven. I arrived at her house at 11:45 and she drove me in her Prius to Southern Connecticut State University. We arrived at the classroom right on time and met the other people doing outreach, two no-op male-to-female transsexuals and the spouse of one.

We each gave a short bio, then the class split into three separate groups and each of us took a turn answering questions for each group. Professor Schildroth has been very accommodating and I was able to go solo again, which pleased me because all the questions would be related to my brand of transgenderism (whatever that may be), rather than sharing the Q&A time with someone whose brand of transgenderism differed from my brand.

We outreached two classes yesterday, each with three groups, so we each did six Q&A sessions yesterday. By the way, the ratio of females-to-males in each class was about 10 to 1 and each class had about 30 students. (The photo is me waiting to do outreach at the second class.)

Here are the some highlights of my Q&A sessions:

I received a lot of questions asking if I was gay (I am not).

A couple of students asked if I have been hit upon and what do I do if I am (yes, I have been hit upon and when I am, I point to my wedding ring). That question is validating in that the students asking the question must think that I look like someone who might get hit upon!

I also received a lot of questions about my voice. Usually, I do not get asked about my voice, but yesterday, I was a little hoarse (from allergies) and my voice was less feminine than usual, so I think that is why I had a more inquiries about my voice than usual.

My makeup received a lot of inquiries (how did I learn to do my makeup) and a lot of praise.

My hair also received a lot of positive comments and many of the students were surprised when they learned that my hair was a wig. I was wearing my new "Stacie" wig for the first time yesterday and it was a little tight, but that too shall pass.

Most of the students seemed to appreciate our presence in the class; they showed us respect and laughed at most of my attempts at humor. By the way, I mentioned my blog and some students asked for the URL. If any students are reading this, I would love to hear from you, so write a comment or send e-mail.

In between classes, we dined at the student union. I had a slice of pizza and a bottle of iced tea while reading the comments from the students in the first class. I received some positive comments along with some "Staci seemed nervous" comments, but nothing negative.

After the second class, Diana, I, and the married couple went to eat at a diner in Cromwell. At that point, I had been wearing a heels for over 7 hours and I was surprised how comfortable they were after that long and active day, but I decided to switch shoes on the way to the diner and wore my new mid-heel Mary Janes. What a difference! It was like switching to bedroom slippers!

Being a Tuesday evening, the diner was not busy and we were able to get a big corner booth. I love diner breakfast food, so I had an omelette with home fries, rye toast, and coffee. We talked about the day and had a pleasant dining experience. Our waiter was very accommodating and treated us like ladies.

After dinner/breakfast, we said our goodbyes and I drove home exhausted from my day out en femme, but very pleased about how well it turned out. It was a very positive, validating experience and I look forward to doing it again.

meels (men's heels)

Meg Winters e-mailed me about today's installment of 9 Chickweed Lane, which is of some interest to girls like us.

out tomorrow

Tomorrow will be a day out en femme for me. I will do outreach at two Human Sexuality classes at a local university and I hope to get in some shopping for my NYC trip, too.

You can expect a full report here about my day out later this week.