fading fiction sites redux

Three weeks ago, I wondered about the disappearing transgender fiction Web sites fictionmania and Crystal's Story Site.

A couple of days later, Stacy Jacobson e-mailed me about what she had learned about the disappearance. Immediately thereafter, her e-mail was lost in the clutter known as "The Femulate Archives" and I just found it today.

I apologize to Stacy for the delay in posting her reply. The pertinent parts follow:

I found the note below on the Big Closet:

Fictionmania has been offline for a long time now and it looks like it will remain that way for sometime [sic].

Crystal is working hard on rebuilding her site and will not update until she is done. Last update was 10/14/2008. She has a ton of stories backed up in her queue and I mean a ton!

She'll have her work cut out trying to get them posted, but she'll do it eventually.

out on a limb

I am home today watching the snow fall on a bleak Zhivagoesque landscape, while my deskjet prints the income tax forms that I will file tomorrow.

I finished doing our taxes this morning (yay!) and wait to begin my next big task (boo!): digging out from the snow storm. In the meantime, I am considering my particular location on the male-to-female transgender continuum.

At one end of the continuum are the gents who put on dresses, light up cigars, and sit around with the other gents in dresses discussing whatever is the news du jour on ESPN.

At the other end of the continuum are post-op transsexuals, who have completed transition and live their lives as the females they were born to be.

In my neck of the woods on the continuum are the femulators, i.e., transwomen, who present fully female in both dress and manner, but have no plans to surgically modify their bodies in order to augment their femulation. Some are full-time 24/7 femulators and some of them identify as no-op transsexuals. Others are part-time (like me) femulating when they can and some of them also identify as no-op transsexuals (not like me).

I believe that if the circumstances were different, I would femulate full-time without surgery, i.e., be a no-op, but I would not identify as transsexual.

Am I in denial about being transsexual?

I have met many transsexuals over the years and all of them admitted that they longed to be female all their lives. And they hated their male bodies. I never had the longing to be female and I am fairly satisfied with my body (my primary dissatisfaction is related to hair, i.e, too much and not enough in all the wrong places.)

On the other hand, I am not atypical male. In my youth, I enjoyed boy activities... to a point. I was not your typical rough and tumble boy and I did not like to take part in any activities where pain was a possibility. For example, I liked to play football, but I preferred touch football and avoided tackle football. So, I definitely had a sissy streak in me and some of the other youths let me know it by taunting me and calling me names.

I also enjoyed creative activities (writing and drawing) and there were other activities, i.e., some that were downright female that I would have pursued, but I worried what others would think if I followed those girlish activities, so I avoided them.

By the way, I am a heterosexual and never had any inclinations not to be.

All that being said, I believe that I am out on a limb that branches off the male-to-female transgender continuum. I am not sure of the name of that limb*, but it is kind of lonely out here.

And so it snows.

* I had this discussion here a few months ago and I bought into the suggestion that I was a "transgenderist," but after thinking about it, I'm not so sure.

man of the house

still Barbie after all these years

Back when I was a kid, girls played with dolls and boys played with toy soldiers. Only boys like us played with dolls.

To tell you the truth, I do not recall playing with dolls except on one occasion. Home alone and taking a break from crossdressing with Mom's stuff, I got into my sister's doll collection and dressed Ken in a Barbie outfit.

It was an unsatisfying experience because Ken did not wear it well. Ken was made of hard plastic and Barbie's foundation garments could not mold Ken's hard body into a feminine figure (like I was able to use my mother's bra and girdle to mold my own chub-body into a feminine figure featuring a real pair of B-cup breasts... Well, not quite B-cup, but pretty close.)

After that episode, I never bothered crossdressing Ken or playing with Barbie, but Barbie's fashions fascinated me. I wanted to dress like Barbie. And it sure would be nice to look like her, but all the dieting in the world nor the tightest foundation garments in the world would permit me to achieve that status, but a boy can dream, can't he?

Did I ever tell you I'm an Avon saleslady?

I am not very active these days, but I still have a franchise and turn in a new order every two weeks.

Well, in 1998, Avon sold a Barbie Avon representative doll. Her hair and outfit reminded me of the way Nicole Kidman looked in the film To Die For, which is a "look" I felt was definitely worth looking like. I bought one for my daughter and it is around the house somewhere still mint in the box.

So, yesterday, I read on one of the news Web sites that Barbie will celebrate her 50th birthday on March 9, one day after my 58th birthday. (Damn, I wish I looked that good when I was 50!)

So, Happy Birthday, Barbara 'Barbie' Millicent Roberts; you've been an inspiration to femulators everywhere!

well, do ya?

excellence in femulation (partie trois)

Originally, "drag balls" were formal dances sponsored by GLBT organizations (often a college or university GLBT group) in which the attendees crossdressed. Males wore evening gowns and females wore tuxedos or other formal or semi-formal wear.

Google "drag ball" and you will find a few examples.

Some time ago, I did just that and came across unique before and after photographs of drag ball attendees in normal wear and in drag ball wear. The photos were unique because it depicted a group of five males before and after they donned their gay apparel. (You can find a lot of before and after photos of individuals on the Internet, but almost never before and after photos of a group.)

Regrettably, I lost the information concerning who is depicted in the photo and where the drag ball took place. However, I do have the photos and am pleased to display them here and announce that the the Femulate Awards Committee has bestowed the coveted Excellence in Femulation Award upon this group of five unknown femulators.

(As always, click on the photo to magnify it.)

not dressed, too ill

I have a head cold that just won't give up and its timing could not be worse. I had arranged a Very Indulgent Party (VIP) at a local Dress Barn for my support group and I was supposed to host the party on Sunday.

Usually, I dress to kill when I go out en femme. That means a dress, high heels, full makeup, bling, etc.

I felt better on Saturday and I thought I would be healthy enough to wear my hostess outfit the next day, but I had a relapse on Sunday and was in no shape to dress to kill for the party. It takes a lot of energy to dress to kill and my illness had drained most of the energy out of my body.

I thought about hosting the party in boy mode, but I decided that that would not be appropriate. Then, I thought about compromising and dressing androgynously to host the party: just a pair jeans and a top.

But wait; that's my normal boy mode outfit, so I would need to femme it up a bit. I could wear a wig, a little makeup, the dress trousers I bought at Lane Bryant, a pretty top, a little bling, my booties, a purse, etc.

But wait; I will have to wear my waist cincher, panty girdle, and long line bra with that outfit. Now I was on the verge of dressing to kill and I was not up for it. So, I decided to forget about it.

There is no in-between in my female wardrobe. It is either all or nothing. So I need to add a pair of female jeans to my wardrobe. Darn! I could have bought a pair at Dress Barn!

my take on Oscar-wear

I watched the Oscars telecast last night. I am a big movie fan, but my primary interest in watching the Oscars is to see what the actresses wear to the event.

I am still sick with a head cold and I went to bed early. So, I did not see the whole Oscar telecast and I might have missed something. That said, I was not impressed with most of the outfits I did see last night. None of the outfits called my name ("Staci, wear me, wear me").

My favorite was the gown that Tina Fey wore. Ms. Fey is my favorite actress these days and I was happy to see her glam it up for a change. She looked fab and if I had to pick out a gown for myself to wear from all the ones I saw last night, I would likely pick hers.

Caligiuri no friend of Connecticut transpeople

(I originally posted this on my support group's e-mail list, but I also want to post it here for my Connecticut readers who are not members of my support group.)

According to various news reports published late last week, Connecticut State Senator Sam Caligiuri is thinking about running for the US Senate against Senator Chris Dodd in 2010. You can read all about it here.

FYI, Caligiuri has one of the worst voting records in Connecticut when it comes to transgender protection legislation. He is on record for voting against all such legislation whenever he had the opportunity to do so. He is not a friend of the transgendered and I hope you will keep that in mind if you ever have to consider voting for him in the future.

crossdressed in the past

This image is an advertisement for an 1898 opera titled 1492, which starred female impersonator Edward Stewart. He was known as "Stuart, the Male Patti," which was (according to Gay Seattle by Gary Adkins) "a reference to Adelina Patti, a well-known coloratura soprano. Stuart sang in an operatic falsetto voice and sometimes traveled to Europe to buy the latest Paris dresses for his act."

Lucky guy!

As always, click on the image to magnify it.

male homecoming queen

Mr. and Ms. Mason 2009 from Connect Mason on Vimeo.

Ryan "Reann" Allen, a senior at George Mason University, won the homecoming queen title earlier this week.

When not attending school, the newly crowned "Ms. Mason" performs as a drag queen in area nightclubs, but her appearance as homecoming queen concealed her drag queen roots. Instead of resembling an over-the-top drag queen, she dressed more like a typical co-ed might dress when competing for the title: natural makeup, gold sequins top, short black skirt, black tights, etc.

Good job, Reann!

You can read all about it here.

crossdressed in the past

This vintage photograph from the early 20th Century depicts a woman en homme (right). The natal gender of the person en femme (left) is unknown. (Click on the image to magnify it.)

I'm sick

I am ill.

I cannot remember the last time I had a head cold; it's been years. Anyway, I have a head cold now and it is a doozy!

My illness is the reason for my less than normal blog output the last few days.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

overheard at Fashion Week

The Gender Photo Project

At Fantasia Fair, one of the first people I met was a photographer working on The Gender Photo Project. Throughout the Fair, the photographer set up a portable studio in various locations to take photos for the project. If you were willing to be photographed, the photographer was willing to take your photo.

I am always willing to be photographed and the photographer was very obliging. I was photographed just before the Fantasia Fair fashion show.

Yesterday, when I reread my blog posting about modeling at the fashion show, it refreshed my memory about the project. So I visited The Gender Photo Project Web site and discovered my photo on display along with some of the other attendees I met at Fantasia Fair.

I invite you to visit the Web site and see it for yourself. I am sure you will enjoy the viewing.

have a nice trip

This is Fashion Week in New York City and today, the media featured news about models falling on the runway at one of the fashion shows.

Lately, catching models in the act of falling on the runway has become big sport with videos of the falls showing up on the Internet for all to enjoy. It seems that some people find it very amusing to see a highly-paid model fall flat on his/her face.

I don't find it amusing and I sympathize with the models. Both times I modeled, I was very concerned about not falling because of (1) the high heels I wore and (2) the terrain I had to traverse.

Modeling at Fantasia Fair back in October was a real trip! My heels were high, especially when I modeled evening wear, and the terrain was hazardous because I had to descend stairs to get from the stage to the runway and there was no railing to assist in my descent. The accompanying photo shows me gingerly descending the stairs while modeling day wear at the fashion show (click on the image to magnify it).

When I descend stairs, I usually hold onto the railing especially when I wear heels. Without a railing, I fear that my descent may result in a crash because a few years ago, I actually did fall wearing heels while descending a railingless stairway. Luckily, I was one step from the bottom of that stairway, so I did not fall far and only bruised a knee.

So before you find amusement when a model crashes on the runway, consider walking in her shoes and you may be more sympathetic.

one in a million

Sunday song

be my valentine!

I posted this vintage Valentine's Day greeting card here last year, but since my blog's readership has more than tripled since that time, at least two-thirds of you never saw it, so I am posting it again for everyone to enjoy. (Click on the image to magnify it and see it in its full glory.)

back to the barn

We are going back to Dress Barn to party.

The spring fashions are in and my support group has their annual banquet next month, so I arranged another Very Indulgent Party (VIP) at the local Dress Barn where the girls can find something to wear to the banquet.

We had a great turn-out in December and the guest list is almost full for our next party on the 22nd.

Instead of a fashion show like we had the last time, the store manager will conduct a mini-seminar on what to wear for your body shape. We will also have a Mary Kay representative doing makeovers and offering makeup advice.

The party is scheduled for after hours so that our shy members will feel less inhibited, i.e., they will not have to shop elbow-to-elbow with genetic girls.

The store has Woman's sizes, as well as Misses sizes, so that all our members are covered. (For what it's worth, Dress Barn sizes run big because their Misses size 16 fit me perfectly, which is not normally the case at many other stores.)

To add frosting to the cake (yes, there will be cake), everyone gets a 15% discount.

It should be a great night out and some of us plan to dine out after the party to extend our evening out en femme.

get back

my morning

My alarm clock sounds off at 5:45 AM.

I slowly get out of bed and remove my pajamas as I walk to the bathroom.

I shave in the shower with a gel shaving cream and a five blade razor to get a close shave. Then I lather up my hair and body with a bar of good old Palmolive, rinse, and step out of the shower to dry off. I touch up my face with the razor to remove some strays I missed, then I apply eye cream around my eyes and a moisturizer on my face and neck.

While I wait for my skin to absorb the moisturizer, I deodorize, then slip into my underwear (waist cincher, girdle, and long line bra).

Next I quickly do my makeup: a dab of concealer under my eyes, foundation, eyebrow pencil, eyeliner, eyeshadow, mascara, blush, lip liner, lipstick, lip gloss, etc. I am done in 15 minutes without any mistakes.

I remember when it took an hour to do my makeup, but practice makes perfect. Now that I wear makeup more often, I am quicker applying it and make few mistakes.

After making up and no wig, I look like a punk rocker!

I shake out my short blond wig and put it on my head. It does not need much work; just some finger combing and it looks great.

I put on a pair of expresso-colored tights, my cute black cap-sleeve babydoll dress decorated with black buttons, which accent its scoop neckline and pockets. It is lightly pleated below the collar and its hem is above the knee. Actually, the hem is well above the knee!

I slip on my black faux suede platform pumps with a 3½” heel. The only jewelry I wear is a watch with a silver bracelet band, a pair of silver hoop clip-on earrings, and my wedding band.

I put on my French-style stick-on nails, spritz myself with Chanel No. 5, and grab my purse.

My wife is still asleep in bed. I give her a light peck on the cheek so I don't smudge my lipstick.

I get in my Subaru Outback and drive to work. The 35-minute commute is uneventful and I park in my usual spot in the company parking lot.

I love the sound of my heels clicking on the pavement; it puts me into a feminine frame of mind.

Our receptionist, Sue, looks up from her work and smiles when she sees me. She buzzes me in so I don't have to fumble through my purse looking for my security card.

"Hi, Sue," I say.

"Hi, Andy. You look pretty today. I love your dress."

"Thank-you."

I walk to my cubicle and the only person I encounter is Brian. He is wearing a navy blue pin-striped suit with a cropped jacket and a knee-length pencil skirt, a cream colored blouse, nude hose, and patent high heel pumps. His makeup is perfect and he is wearing his chin-length brunette hair in a new pageboy style.

"Hi Brian. I love your new do."

"Thank-you, Andy. My hairdresser suggested it and I love it, too! "

Who would have guessed Brain was trans, but I guess people said the same thing about me.

When the state finally passed the trans anti-discrimination bill, it was surprising how many people showed up at work presenting as the opposite gender. So far, seven guys and four gals out of the 75 people employed here at my company are crossdressing regularly, and when I go out during lunch hour, I constantly run into other trans-people, who now present in the gender they identify as.

The trans anti-discrimination law liberated us so that we can live the way we always dreamed we could live. Isn't it wonderful!

Yes, sadly this is still a dream, but some states (including my own) are now considering trans anti-discrimination legislation and maybe soon, our dream will become our reality.

campaign puts the "T" back in "LGBT" in Connecticut

Now that they’ve brought same-sex marriage to Connecticut, advocates took on a new mission: protecting transgender civil rights.

Read all about it here.

Note: Since I am trans in Connecticut, I am very, very interested in this topic, so I hope my blog readers outside Connecticut will abide my geocentric posting.

tall women and chickipedia

During the weekend, I discovered Chickipedia, which bills itself as "world's largest web-based, women-based, wiki-based database of hot chicks on the planet."

Poking around the Web site, I noticed that it lists the heights of the women in its database, so I poked around some more to see if there were any women who were not on my Famous Females of Height list.

I found the following tall women, who I added to my list:

Kate Beckinsale, 5'8"
Dorothy Stratten, 5'9"
Jayne Kennedy, 5'10"
Kate Middleton, 5'10"
Paulina Porizkova, 5'11"

I was surprised I missed Ms. Beckinsale because she is one of my favorite actresses!

crossdressed in the past

Last week, Mutt of Mutt and Jeff fame appeared en femme. This week, it's Jeff's turn.

(Thank you to Meg Winters for e-mailing me about this.)

womanless beauties

Womanless beauty pageants have been around for awhile. They are beauty pageants in which males dress as females and compete to be crowned Miss Whatever. Sometimes females participate, too, dressing as males to escort the pageant contestants to and fro.

Womanless pageants are usually held as fund raisers for schools, civic organizations, charities, etc. They are purely amateur events. Unlike the professional drag queen and female impersonator contests held throughout the world, the participants are just your average man on the street, who dons a wig, makeup, heels, and evening gown in order to vie for a crown.

There is a great range in the level of femulation employed by the contestants in womanless pageants. In my opinion, the average womanless pageant contestant is your proverbial "man in a dress." Cheap wigs, flip flops, hairy legs, arms, and chests, sometimes even beards and/or mustaches are what you will see at such events.

But, once in awhile, some contestants take the femulation more seriously and the results can be breathtaking. (Besides admiring their femulation, it also kicks in my T-Dar and I begin wondering if some of the best femulators are trans.)

Mind you, I have never attended or participated in a womanless beauty pageant (not that I do not want to, but I have never had the opportunity). However, I have viewed lots of stories, photos, and videos of these womanless events on the Internet (Google "womanless" and you will find them) and have enjoyed them virtually.

short takes

male model alert!

Yesterday's Femulate This: model (right) earned my first Male Model Alert! In the future, I will issue such alerts whenever I suspect that the Femulate This: model is a male modeling as a female.

The fashion industry is employing more and more males to model as females and their images are beginning to show up in the places I explore for my Femulate This: models. In fact, I just turned up another suspect last night and I am sure I will find more in the future.

(I know my findings are purely subjective on my part and you should take them with a grain of salt.)

fading fiction sites

I noticed that two of my favorite trans fiction sites are in limbo. fictiomania is no where to be found and Crystal's Story Site has not been updated in awhile.

Anyone have a clue as to what is up with these Web sites?

a rose by any other name

Call me Staci Lana.

It's official; I've changed my name from Staci Hunter to Staci Lana.

It's a femulator's prerogative to change her name and there you have it.

why don't more animals change their sex?

What remains a puzzle, according to Yale scientists, is why the phenomenon is so rare, since their analysis shows the biological "costs" of changing sexes rarely outweigh the advantages.

Read all about it here.

Jude Law plays trans supermodel in new film

Updated Below

Jude Law plays a trans "supermodel called Minx in the edgy film" (titled Rage), "which also stars Dame Judi Dench and Lily Cole as a starlet called Lettuce Leaf. The film, scheduled for release later this year, is a murder-mystery set in the fashion houses of New York."

Read all about it here and here.

(That is the actor in character in the photo above right.)

UPDATE: Just a thought: In this photo, she reminds me of actress Courteney Cox of Friends fame.

Cheryl and Darlene

Caveat Emptor: This posting relates to my transness tangentally, i.e., it recalls that as long as I can remember, I loved females.

I recalled how long while reading an article in Reminisce magazine, in which readers reminisced about the original run of The Mickey Mouse Club.

Readers recalled how Mousketeers Annette and Karen were the fan favorites on the distaff side of the club. Contrarian that I am, my favorites were Cheryl and Darlene.

As I recall, I liked Cheryl because I thought she was the prettiest Mousketeer and I liked Darlene because she appeared to be the tallest female Mousketeer (yes, my affinity for tall women goes back a long way).

The Mickey Mouse Club aired from 1955 to 1959; I was 4 to 8 years old during its run, so my love of females goes back at least that far.

Curious, I wondered what became of Cheryl and Darlene, so I looked them up on the Internet.

Cheryl had parts in a lot of television shows until she married in 1964. (I recall that she was Wally Cleaver's girlfriend on Leave It To Beaver, but I do not recall her other television appearances.) Sadly, she died in January from lung cancer.

Darlene had a less auspicious acting career and did not do much after The Mickey Mouse Club. Sadly, she served time in prison after being convicted of a check-kiting scheme and in 2005 she was indicted for fraud.

And so it goes.

six feet two

11 stories about crossdressing

I found these 11 short stories about crossdressing awhile ago.

I read them, enjoyed them, and forgot about them until I found them again.

I read them again, enjoyed them again, and instead of forgetting about them again, I am passing them along to you to read and enjoy.

So, enjoy!

female employees must wear makeup and heels

According to New York magazine, the Bank of England held "Dress for Success" day last week and sent out a memo to female employees detailing just how they should dress for success.

Read all about it here.

crossdressed in the past

According to Wikipedia, "Mutt and Jeff is an American newspaper comic strip created by Bud Fisher in 1907. It is commonly believed to be the first daily comic strip."

I occasionally read the strip when it appeared in the local newspapers when I was a kid. It was OK, but not one of my favorites and I did not even know who was Mutt and who was Jeff. (Mutt was the tall guy, while Jeff was the short guy.)

Yesterday, Meg Winters sent an e-mail informing me that yesterday's online reprint of the strip featured Mutt en femme. See it for yourself here.

the drag queen is dead, long live the drag queen!

Where have all the drag queens gone? Can RuPaul's new reality show bring them back?

Read all about it here.

Peter Ackroyd

While perusing a news magazine last night, I read a review of a new book: a biography of Edgar Allen Poe. The book, titled Poe: A Life Cut Short, was written by Peter Ackroyd.

I recognized the author's name. One of the first books I ever read about femulation was written by an author of the same name. His name stuck in my head because he shared his last name with one of my favorite Saturday Night Live Not Ready For Prime-Time Players.

I wondered if he and the author of the Poe book were one and the same. So, I looked him up on Wikipedia and indeed, he was the author of Dressing Up: Transvestism and Drag: The History of an Obsession published in 1979.

I lost that book in the Great Purge of 1983, however, I liked the book a lot (it had lots of pictures), so I reacquired it a few years ago on eBay.

And so it goes.

Catherine Bell

Long time Femulate reader, Peaches e-mailed me yesterday that beautiful film and television actress Catherine Bell is 5'10" tall and deserves a spot on my Famous Females of Height list.

So be it.

evolution

I wish I was a girl

Last night, I watched My Name Is Earl on NBC. It was a rerun episode from 2008 titled "Joy in a Bubble."

I will not describe the plot because I was not paying much attention to the show. (I was reading with the television on in the background waiting for The Office and 30 Rock to come on.)

The show did get my attention when Earl's sons attended a young boy's birthday party. When it was time to blow out the candles on the birthday cake, the birthday boy wished aloud, "I wish I was a girl!"

It was the birthday boy's only appearance in the episode (he is not a continuing character in the series) and there was no trans theme in this episode. So, my guess it was a throwaway line intended to get a laugh from the audience, but I am sure it was not a joke to any trans-woman watching the show.

I don't believe I ever made a wish to be a girl when blowing out the candles of my birthday cake, but I do recall on more than one occasion going to bed and hoping I'd wake up female.

Illinois doesn't recognize off-shore SRS

According to Broadsheet, "For more than four decades, the state's [Illinois - ed.] Department of Vital Records allowed for sex changes on birth certificates, but five years ago a policy change limited recognition to sex reassignments performed by a surgeon licensed in the United States."

Read all about it here.

cross gender superheroes

Imagine if some of your favorite superheroes were women.

Gunaxin has collected the works of various artists, who depicted male superheroes in female form.

As a femulator and an old comic book fan, I found the images very interesting!

Sienna Miller's Head Photoshopped Onto Different Body

I didn't know that Sienna Miller is trans!

'Nuff said, but if you must, read all about it here.

got T-Dar?

Do you have T-Dar?

I do and if you are reading this blog, you probably have T-Dar, too.

T-Dar, short for trans-radar, is the ability to detect a trans-person when they are presenting in their non-birth gender. For example, you see a tall woman walking through the mall. Suddenly, your T-Dar kicks in and you begin looking for clues that the woman is actually a natal male presenting as a female.

No matter how good you think your T-Dar may be, you seldom have an opportunity to determine whether your T-Dar works correctly or not.

You can confront a suspected trans-person, but that can be disastrous, especially if you are wrong. Recently, I read about a trans-woman who encountered two tall women while shopping. Her T-Dar told her that the two women were trans and she confronted them by introducing herself as trans and saying something to the effect, "You're trans, too, aren't you?"

The two women reacted as if the trans-woman had just gotten off a spaceship from Uranus. They had no idea what she was talking about and when it became apparent to the trans-woman that she had erred, she wished that she was on Uranus.

And even if your T-Dar is correct confronting a suspected trans-person can be a sensitive matter.

Last time I attended First Event, I arrived at the hotel in boy mode and took the elevator to the floor where I could register for the event. The elevator stopped before reaching my destination and a trans-woman got on. I was 101% positive that she was trans and without thinking, I asked her if she was enjoying First Event.

She was taken aback by my query and seemed very uncomfortable. I immediately realized the error of my ways and explained to her that I was trans too, but having just arrived at the hotel, had not changed into girl mode yet. She seemed a little relieved, but I learned a lesson and would think twice before doing that again.

So it is probably best that using your T-Dar be a solitary thing. Keep your T-Dar findings to yourself unless, of course, you write a trans-blog, then you can publicize your T-Dar results. ("Yesterday, I saw a trans-woman in ladies' shoes at Macy's.")

I believe that most trans-people have T-Dar. It almost comes naturally because trans-people look for affirmation that there are other trans-people out there. What better way to affirm that then to actually see another trans-person in person? Seeking that affirmation, trans-people check out potential suspects wherever they go.

Even when my T-Dar determines that the six-foot woman walking through the mall is, in fact, a genetic female, it provides a different kind of affirmation. It affirms that there are genuine tall women out there and as a six-foot-plus trans-woman, it gives me encouragement to go out en femme and join the other tall women out there because I am not alone.

what it feels like for a girl

Driving home this evening, my iPod shuffled up Madonna's What It Feels Like For A Girl .

I have never heard some of the 8,700 songs stored on my iPod including this Madonna number, which I uploaded from my copy of Madonna's Greatest Hits Volume 2.

It was difficult to hear the first verse of the song because the loud instrumental accompanying Madonna drowned out her voice, but I thought I heard something trans-related. So, I restarted the song and listened more closely.

Here is the first verse:

Girls can wear jeans
And cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots
'Cause it's OK to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading
But secretly you'd love to know what it's like
Wouldn't you
What it feels like for a girl

The rest of the song goes on in a similar vein. Wow!

(This may be old news to those familiar with Madonna's work, but it was news to me.)

bras for every body

This ad came by way of an e-mail over the weekend.

I always have my trans-radar turned on and when I read the ad, I immediately thought, "Bras for every body? Do they mean men, women, boys, girls, males, females?"

I knew it didn't mean that, but it was a nice thought wishful thinking.

what's "feminine" anyway?

Whenever I recount my trans biography (like at outreach on Wednesday), I usually mention that as a youngster, I participated in sports (baseball and football) and played "boy games" (cowboys, war, spacemen, etc.). I felt that I was a typical boy and I enjoyed doing "boy things," unlike many trans sisters, who as children, hated "boy things" and preferred "girl things."

I also mention in my bio that despite my participation and enjoyment of those boy things, other boys called me names like "sissy," "fairy," "faggot," etc., which indicated to me that I was not necessarily all the boy I thought I was.

This was not just a case of bullies using random offensive names to raise my ire. Even some of my friends told me that I was not acting like a boy at a 100% level and that I should do something about it.

I wondered if there was something in my speech or mannerisms that caused their reaction? I was not intentionally speaking or acting in an affected manner. Rather, I was speaking and acting in my natural manner, which I did not feel was feminine.

The fact that even friends told me that something was amiss indicated that something really was amiss, but I was clueless. I had no idea what I had to do differently to be more boy-like. So, I continued acting the same way I always acted.

In high school, college, and law school, I occasionally ran into guys, who commented on my particular flavor of masculinity, but just I shrugged them off and kept on truckin'. By then, I was crossdressing in secret only coming out en femme for Halloween including an appearance in drag at a Halloween party in law school*.

I will never forget a friend of mine at that party telling me that he never realized how feminine my speaking and mannerisms were until he saw me in drag. He indicated that my female costume was a perfect fit for my normal speech and mannerisms.

After mentioning this at outreach on Wednesday, one of the students said that my mannerisms were feminine and that my friends and acquaintances had been in the ballpark in their estimation of me.

Yet, nothing has changed. I still do not affect a feminine persona. I still act naturally and no differently whether in boy mode or girl mode.

I admit that I do try to walk more like a woman when I am en femme and I occasionally talk more softly when I femulate, but most of what you get is the genuine me. And I am not changing a thing.

* By the way, I did graduate from law school, but never practiced in that field. (I hated that field.) Instead, I turned to my first love: writing and became a successful professional writer/author.

crossdressed in the past

Images of crossdressed couples in the early 20th Century

In this photo, two couples are double-dating in drag.


One thing leads to another and we find this crossdressed couple on their wedding day.


"First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage."

best outreach ever

Please Myself

Yesterday, I blogged about what I was going to wear last night in the frigid weather when I went out en femme to do outreach. I also blogged about what Erin wrote at A Dress A Day about Michelle O and dressing to please yourself.

Dressing yesterday, I tried on a four or five outfits while wearing my high boots and black pantyhose. I was not pleased with anything. So, I resigned myself to Plan A, i.e., "my black tunic sweater, leggings or tights, and booties."

I slipped on my tunic sweater while still wearing my high boots and black pantyhose and I was very pleased with the way I looked, so that is the outfit I wore forgoing the warmer leggings or tights (see the accompanying photo; click on it to get a better view).

I know the hemline was short, but I think I have the legs for it, and the tunic sweater is so warm and the boots so high that I figured I would not suffer too much.

Regarding my comfort, I was correct. Instead of the predicted 14°F, it was a "balmy" 27°F when I arrived at the university. I found a parking space less than 200 feet from the building where I was outreaching, so I did not have to walk far in the cold and it did not bother me at all.

I did receive one catty comment about the length of my skirt, but I just smiled at the commenter knowing that I was very pleased in the outfit I selected and I did not care about the opinion of the catty commenter. I dressed to please myself and not her.

My Best

Last night was my best outreach experience ever!

This Human Sexuality class at Southern Connecticut State University had ten students: nine females and one manle. My fellow outreachers were people I have outreached with in the past: a no-op male-to-female transsexual, her wife, and a post-op female-to-male transsexual.

We each spoke for about five minutes giving a brief biography of our trans lives. I presented my bio last. While the others gave theirs, I thought about what I would say.

I have presented my bio so many times in the past that I did not have much to think about, but I did make a few changes to my normal presentation. The big change as far as I was concerned was that I identified myself as a "trans-person" rather than a "plain vanilla crossdresser."

Anyway, I felt very good about myself last night. I felt good, I felt comfortable, and in my opinion, I looked good. Feeling that way, I gave the best bio I have ever given. I was very loose, not nervous at all, and my talk was smooth with a lot of expression and some humor. The students laughed at my humor and were all smiling by the time I ended.

Last night, mine was a little less boring and less clinical than the usual trans bio. When I was done, I felt even better about myself.

Next came the question and answer period.

Usually, we divide the class in half and half the class goes to another room with half the outreachers to conduct the Q&A. When half the class period is over, the outreachers switch rooms, so that the whole class has an opportunity to question all the outreachers.

Typically, I am teamed with one or more of the transsexual outreachers and the Q&A results in a few, some, or many questions that are transsexual-specific and have nothing to do with me. While the transsexual answer those questions, I sit politely, smile, and check out my manicure.

Last night was different. We divided the class into three groups and each of us did the Q&A solo. Actually, the female-to-male transsexual and I did Q&A solo, while the male-to-female transsexual and her wife did Q&A as a team.

I could not be happier with that arrangement!

In the past, I have encountered most of the questions (or variations thereof) the students asked last night. (See "my questions and answers.")

Each group wondered about my nails. ("If you only go out en femme once or twice a month, don't people notice your long French manicured nails when you are in male mode?") Pre-glued, stick-on nails was my answer.

Each group also wondered if I would live as a female full-time if I had the opportunity to do so. In the past, I would say, "definitely, yes," but lately, I have been reconsidering that answer. My answer was "maybe," but that there is something to be said about being out all day en femme, then being able to go home at the end of the day, remove all the trappings of femininity, and crash as a male. On the other hand, at Fantasia Fair, I crashed en femme at the end of each day and that was pretty good, too!

One group (all women) dwelled on subject of female fashion. They were impressed on how well I was put together, but one women commented that she never wears makeup and that she has only worn a dress once since her wedding. Another women said that she never wears dresses and does not own a pair of heels; one reason was because she found walking in heels very difficult. The thought crossed my mind that if these women represent the future of female fashion, I am going to lose interest in femulating!

I did mention my blog to the groups and how I try to post something everyday. One observant woman suggested that writing everyday about femulating provides an outlet for those times (which is most of the time) that I cannot femulate. She was so right.

I received some nice compliments last night, which just added to my enjoyment. One woman complimented my makeup, especially the was I did my eyes. Another woman said I had such beautiful feminine hands (more feminine than her own, she admitted). Still another woman complimented me on how well I walked in high heels. And finally one woman gushed that I looked absolutely fabulous and the other women in that group agreed!

I had a wonderful time last night and felt exhilarated at the end. "Good job," I though to myself.

please yourself

Erin at A Dress A Day wrote in her blog today about Michelle Obama's Inauguration Day outfits, "The thing is, you can't please everyone all of the time. You can't even please most of the people most of the time. Which is why, especially when it comes to clothes, you have to please yourself. You're the one wearing them; you're the one in the pictures; you're the only one whose happiness is even remotely under your own control: so do what feels right."

I agree and that is why I wear what I wear.

Of course, I do not have to worry about hoards of fashionistas critiquing everything I wear. However, over the years, a few people (including my trans sisters) have criticized my fashion choices. I just accepted their critiques with a thank-you and a smile and kept on wearing what I like.

what I am wearing to outreach tonight

I have no idea!

The weather forecast calls for a low temperature of 14°F tonight. So, instead of wearing something new and not necessarily warm, I think I will wear something old that I know is warm.

I will probably change my mind a few times (a femulator's prerogative) before I get dressed, but at this time I am thinking about my black tunic sweater, leggings or tights, and booties.

what I am wearing to the inaugural ball tonight

If I was attending one of the ten inaugural balls in Washington, D.C. tonight, I would wear something edgy, something out there, something that would be very inappropriate for my age. (That's just me; what can I say?)

So, here is what I would wear: a black sequin and leather cropped jacket and yellow silk chiffon dress from Kristian Aadnevik and yellow platform shoes from Gil Carvahlo.

(Wearing outfits like that and now you know why I don't get invited out much!)