Fantasia Fair: Day 5, Part 2

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 23, 2008

(Fantasia Fair: Day 5 below has more photos and a few words about Day 5. This post details Day 5 more fully.)

I was up and at 'em (or more like "up and Eve") and into my female morning routine (shower, shave, makeup, pick an outfit to wear, dress, continental breakfast, and make my plans for the day).

The morning talks did not interest me, so I decided to go shopping again. The weather was the nicest so far.

My goal was to visit a vintage clothing store. The store had some delicious vintage clothing on display in its windows, but it was closed when I was in the neighborhood on Wednesday.

I walked about a mile to the store, but it was closed even though its posted hours indicated that it should be open. I was disappointed.

I window-shopped my way back down Commercial Street and visited some of the stores of interest, but I did not find anything I wanted to buy.

Soon it was time for lunch. My lunch ticket for the day was for my own hotel, so I returned to my room to freshen up, then went downstairs to the dining room on the enclosed veranda.

Lunch that day was a disappointment. Despite the pleasant weather, it was not warm enough to be sitting on a veranda to eat a meal and I was uncomfortable. Also, the food was only so-so. On a positive note, the luncheon conversation with the other girls was fun (I found the conversations over meals this week were always great fun and I tried to sit with new people as often as possible to make the conversations even more interesting.)

The keynote address at 1 PM was a panel discussion titled "State of the Trans Union." I especially wanted to hear the words of my favorite trans personality Ethan St. Pierre, but others on the panel spoke more than he did and I was a little disappointed. However, it was an excellent discussion (Stephen Whittle's words were worth the price of admission). I hung around for the open discussion after the panel discussion ended, but I just listened and did not participate because I did not have anything to offer.

Most of the Fantasia Fair attendees from my support group made a date to dine together at the Lobster Pot, a restaurant with rave reviews from folks, who had dined there in the past.

I changed into my outfit for the evening and primped (see photo above right) for my night out. Then I walked the four or five blocks to the restaurant in my short bubble skirt, which attracted the attention of some of the passerbys.

Three of my friends were waiting outside the restaurant, including one of my biggest fans, Teresa Marie (aka TM), who jokingly pointed out that my skirt was too short for the weather. (I call TM "one of my biggest fans" because she tells everyone that in her opinion, I am pretty.)

After two other friends showed up, we went inside to join still other friends, who already were seated in the restaurant. As we girls entered the dining room, I noticed that we caught the attention of a table of six or eight civilians, who were gawking at us. Before I sat down, I waved at them using my girliest limp-wristed wave. They did not wave back.

Dinner was excellent. I had three crab and seafood cakes topped by hunks of lobster meat. It was so filling that I could only eat one and one-quarter of the cakes. And, as usual, the dinner conversation was wonderful.

After dinner, we went to Club Purgatory for karaoke. Fifty-seven years on the Planet Earth and I have never seen karaoke in person, much less participate in karaoke, but I was going to do karaoke this night.

I so wanted to do Wendy by the Beach Boys, but it was not one of the available karaoke tunes. As a long time Beach Boy fan, I know a lot of their songs by heart, but they had only two to choose from: Fun Fun Fun (one of my faves) and California Girls (one of my least favorite Beach Boy hits), so I signed up to karaoke the former and put my sign-up sheet in a fishbowl with the other sign-up sheets.

It was my lucky day... not! The DJ picked my name out of the fishbowl to be the first karaoke performance! No, not me! I was hoping to witness a few karaoke performances before my turn came up. Holey Shirt! I was so not prepared for this!

By the way, I did not get lubricated for this event. In fact, the only alcohol I drank all week was two glasses of wine at the welcoming reception Sunday night. In retrospect, I should have gotten well lubricated before my maiden karaoke performance, but so it went and I was called up by the MC, who was a professional drag performer.

Before I began, I mentioned to the MC that I was a novice and she announced that fact to the crowd. So I hoped that the crowd would be sympathetic if things did not go so well.

Things did not go so well. I lost my place after the first verse of the song and it took me another verse to catch up with the music. I also sang in falsetto and did not sound much like Brian Wilson... more like Minnie Mouse. Despite my awful performance, the crowd cheered me on and most people said I did OK (they were too kind).

I decided to try and redeem myself, so I signed up for another song: Shania Twain's Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under, which I kind of knew because I had practiced singing it when I was considering lipsyncing it for my support group's banquet entertainment.

Second time around, I did better than the first time. I sang in my natural voice and I kept up with the music most of the time. The crowd reacted well, just like the first time. (My guess is that they were well lubricated!)

In retrospect, I should have picked Man! I Feel Like a Woman, which I knew cold. I think the key to doing karaoke is to pick a song you know by heart and just sing your heart out to the music and avoid reading the lyrics appearing on the karaoke screen. Next time...

Around midnight, the crowd was thinning out and my friend, Denise from Plymouth offered to give me a ride back to my hotel, which I gladly accepted. (Even though Provincetown has a very open, liberal, and diverse population, I was still concerned about walking the streets alone late at night especially the way I was dressed!)

I had a wonderful day on Thursday and went to sleep with visions of female impersonators dancing in my head.

Fantasia Fair: Day 4, Part 3

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2008

Coming Soon!

Sorry, but I am so busy that I am getting a little behind.

The dressing room for the fashion show models was not a dressing room per se; it was actually the room used for the keynote addresses and other presentations. As a result, the facilities were not very good for dressing. We had to drape our stuff over the chairs in the room.

Later, a clothing rack showed up, but by then, my stuff was in such a disarray that the arrival of the rack did not matter.

I wore the first outfit I planned to model to the show, so I was ready to go while other models were dressing.

A photographer working on The Gender Photo Project had a portable studio set up in the dressing room near where I had plopped my stuff. The photographer asked me if I wanted to pose for a photo for the project and of course, I agreed.

During the photoshoot, the photographer mentioned that I resemble Norway's most famous crossdresser, Espen "Esther Pirelli" Benestad. I never heard of Benestad, but I was familiar with a film she appeared in: Alt om min far, which is a true story about a transvestite, who seeks his son's acceptance.

Before I turned in for the night, I looked Benestad up on the Internet to see if I do resemble her. I'll let you be the judge; her photo appears above right.

Nigel Dickson had his photography equipment set up at the opposite end of the room. Nigel is the photographer working on the Fantasia Fair book I mentioned in Fantasia Fair: Day 3, Part 2 and it turns out that he has taken photos of many famous people, for example, Michelle Obama. (Visit his Web site to see some of his work.)

While I was still enjoying the afterglow from my first photoshoot, Nigel came over and asked me if I would pose for him. I joked with some of the other models saying, "I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille."

Turns out I was the first subject that Nigel photographed! After he took a few shots, he thanked me and will e-mail me a copy of the photo later.

The actual fashion show was now becoming an afterthought!

I was the fifth model of 23 models to go up the catwalk and I was up on the stage very quickly. With floodlights shining in my face, loud music blaring, and the MCs making comments, the experience became a blur, but I do remember one of the MCs asking me if I was now ready for a New York City catwalk. I responded, "You betcha" in my best Alaskan accent and I got a big laugh from the audience.

Speaking of the audience, it was not a full house. I assume the lousy weather (cold and raining) kept down the crowd, but the audience that did show up was very enthusiastic and cheered each model loudly.

Wearing the black velvet evening gown from the Patty Collection, second time up was same as the first... a blur, but the MC asked me to walk the walk twice (something they only asked a few models to do), so I must have been doing something right.

There was a party after the fashion show, but the weather was so miserable, I did not want to walk to the party venue, so I skipped it and went to bed.

Fantasia Fair: Day 7

Daywear and eveningwear on Fantasia Fair Day 7.

I apologize for not keeping my Fantasia Fair diary up to date. As the week progressed, there were more things to do and less time to write. However, I did keep notes and will be filling in the missing pieces in the days to come.

I hope the photos I have posted here in lieu of text have whet your appetite for the text to come in the next few days.

Until then... Peace, Love, and Rock 'N' Roll!

Fantasia Fair: Day 6

Daywear and eveningwear on Fantasia Fair Day 6.

Fantasia Fair: Day 5

I do have time to show you the latest photos. Left is my daywear for Day 5 and right is my eveningwear for Night 5.

I just got back from dinner, freshened up, and am posting this blog entry now. And I'm off to karaoke when I'm done!

Fantasia Fair: Day 4, Part 2

This was a great day! But, it did not start out so good.

Wednesday's workshop schedule did not hold much interest for me. The only thing that was a must was the fashion show practice at 2:30 PM. I also had a lunch ticket for noon. So, I thought that it would be a good day to shop.

The weather was lousy: cold with a light rain, but that did not stop me. I grabbed my umbrella and began window shopping down Commercial Street. Problem was that most of the stores were closed.

I did find a women's clothing store that was open: Moda Fina. They had some beautiful coats and dresses and everything was 30% off. I started picking out things to try on and the saleswoman took them to "start" a dressing room for me.

I tried on three dresses and a coat. The coat did not fit and neither did the dress I like the most (a retro 1960's style floral print). Two dresses fit like a glove. The saleswoman said one looked better on me than the other, so I bought that one.

I was wearing gray leggings with my booties and she said that that dress went perfect with my outfit, so I decided that I would wear my new dress for the fashion show replacing the gray leggings with gray tights.

(In my hotel, I am in the first room next to the lobby where the continental breakfast is set up. I just took a break from blogging to get a second cup of coffee and exchanged chit-chat with Bruce, who works the desk during the day. Bruce is one of my biggest fans now and often calls me "beautiful" whenever I see him. I think he is gay.)

As I left the hotel to start shopping, I ran into Ethan St. Pierre and his SO. We talked awhile and I mentioned how I missed his podcasts and he said that they had taken a little hiatus, but is back on a regular schedule again.

I ran into Ethan again at lunch, but did not have an opportunity to lunch with him. Maybe another time.

Lunch was excellent. I have not had a bad meal yet. I lunched with a couple from the Philly area and some other new people, whose names I have forgotten (so many new faces and new names!)

I returned to my room and relaxed for an hour, then went to fashion show practice with my highest high heels in tow. (We were supposed to bring the highest heels we planned to wear for the show to the practice.) I had not worn these shoes before (the silver sequins platform sandals from Payless) and I was surprised how comfortable they were.

Everyone took a turn or two walking on stage and down the catwalk. After practice, I returned to my room to get ready for the show.

We were told to apply our makeup on the heavy side because the stage lights would wash out our faces if all we had on was a normal application of makeup. So I used black and dark grays to do my eyes, bright reds for my lips, and heavy on the blush. The photo above gives you a good idea of the results.

I will continue this in Part 3 later today.

Fantasia Fair: Day 4

Just two photos of me modeling at the fashion show this evening.

It was quite a night. I'll tell you all about it after I get some sleep.

Fantasia Fair: Day 3, Part 2

One thing about Fantasia Fair that impresses me is all the new friends I have made here. Wow... it is a major effort trying to remember all the names!

A few posts back, I mentioned that I have not seen a Fantasia Fair attendee of color. Well, I did encounter my first attendee of color at Robin McHaelen's presentation on Monday, and last night, she was seated at my table at the banquet and we hit it off swimmingly. So, here's to another new friend, Chantel from L.A!

Tuesday seemed like a Catholic Friday in my past. I had fish for lunch and dinner and both fish dishes were delicious: a scallop salad for lunch and a salmon steak for dinner.

Lunch was at a restaurant a few blocks up Commercial Street, so after attending my first workshop of the day (more about that later), I started hoofing it to the restaurant. By the way, yesterday was gorgeous: sunny with temps in the mid-60s.

Anyway, I am walking out the door of my hotel and I run into Miqqi Gilbert, who is the top girl at Fantasia Fair (I forget what her actual title is, but she is one of the brains behind the operation). She asked me if I was going to lunch, joined me on my walk to the restaurant, and we conversed. At the restaurant, she asked me to sit at her table. I don't often get a chance to eat lunch with the brains of any operation, so I accepted.

Since Miqqi is one of the brains of the operation, she attracted an interesting group of people at our table. Joining us were David Macfarlane and Nigel Dickson from Canada, who are writing and photographing a book about Fantasia Fair (David is the writer and Nigel, the photographer.) That combination naturally attracted Mariette Pathy Allen to join our table for lunch, and it was like dining at a trans version of the Algonquin Round Table. It was very interesting and I managed to get a few words in edgewise! (David was particularly interested in my reaction to Fantasia Fair from my perspective as a first-timer.)

The morning workshop I attended was learning how to move and walk like a woman. I think I do OK in that area, but I thought that there is always room for improvement.

I just did not get it! I understood the instructor's explanation why women and men walk differently, but I just did not understand her explanation on how a man can do certain things to emulate a woman's walk. I never was very good at physical things (like sports), so I guess I am not surprised by my failure to get this right, too!

After lunch, I attended the keynote speech of the day by Stephen Whittle, the UK trans rights advocate. He talked about his life, his struggles as a trans person and as an activist of trans people's rights. His speech was very interesting and inspiring; I could listen to him speak all day long!

Next, I attended a practice session for the fashion show. Yes, I am modeling in the annual Fantasia Fair fashion show before an audience of civilians and trans people alike and it should be the thrill of my lifetime (up to now). The girls running the fashion show walked us through the routine of walking down the catwalk, etc. The first step from the stage to the catwalk is a doozy, so I plan to take it slow in my killer heels! The fashion show is tonight and it should be a lot of fun!

The Pioneer Awards Banquet ended my day and I had the privilege of collecting tickets along with a new friend, Joanna from Ontario. As a result, I got to meet everyone attending the banquet and got to drool over the fabulous outfits they were wearing. I must say that I have never seen so many beautiful trans women than I have at Fantasia Fair. Wow!

Which reminds me... Monday night, a woman at dinner said to me that she thought I was "beautiful." That certainly made my day!

Except for making even more new friends and girl-talking with them, the banquet was a typical banquet (speeches, awards, door prizes, etc.). It was over after 10 PM and I was ready to turn into a pumpkin, so Cinderella ran back to her hotel room before the clock struck midnight.

Fantasia Fair: Day 3

(updated below)

It is very late and I am going to bed. But, I promise to fill you in on today's activities in the morning. Meanwhile, I leave you with two photos from today.

The photo on the left shows me ready to go out this morning. The photo on the far right is me attending the Fantasia Fair Pioneer Awards Banquet this evening.

UPDATE: Regarding the photo on the right, I just want to note that my dress was not that short. The hem fell just above the knee; it rode up a bit during that pose, but that's OK because it allows you to see my black fishnets over my black pantyhose.

Fantasia Fair: Day 2, Part 2

At 1:30, I attended the keynote address "Let's Talk about Trans Youth" by Robin McHaelen. Robin runs True Colors in Connecticut. (I have participated in the the annual True Colors Conference the past two years and again plan to have a workshop at the 2009 Conference.) Robin has also spoken at my support group's banquet, so I am familiar with her, but now I am even more familiar with her.

Sunday night, as I was roaming around Provincetown lost in the dark, I encountered a woman pulling her wheeled suitcase looking as lost as I was. I smiled at her and said I was lost and she said she was lost, too, and asked me the location of the town hall. I had no clue and wished her "good luck" and we parted ways. Two blocks later, I realized the woman was Robin, but when I turned around to look for her, she was gone.

I mentioned this to her at her presentation on Monday and we had a good laugh about it.

Her talk was excellent, informative and inspiring. There was a lot of interaction with the audience and near the end, she asked what we could do to make it easier in the world for the young and future trans generations.

I spoke up telling the group about how I do outreach at colleges and universities and that by doing so, I am educating the "civilians" that trans people are not the drag queens you see on Jerry Springer, but are real people just like they are. Educating the civilians in this way helps them to accept trans people more readily.

After the presentation, a couple from Pennsylvania stopped me and asked me a load of questions about doing outreach. I hope I was helpful.

The weather was brisk in the afternoon, but a big improvement over the morning, so I took a 20-minute walk to get a feel for the town. I got a few looks and gawks, but nothing untoward.

Next, I attended a short meeting to sign-up to model in the fashion show on Wednesday. This event is one of the highlights of the week and especially interested me because it is open to the public.

After the meeting, I returned to my room to freshen up and change for dinner. The photo above is how I turned out.

The weather has not been as pleasant as last week's forecast promised. It has been on the cool side and I am glad I brought my fake fur jacket. (I almost did not bring it because of the optimistic forecast.) So, I put on my fake fur jacket and walked a couple of blocks to the venue for the evening festivities.

Dinner was an excellent buffet and the entertainment was a murder mystery. I enjoyed the food, but did not pay much attention to the mystery. Instead, I spent the evening chatting with every new person I encountered and I had a great evening.

Speaking of chatting, I used my femme voice a lot yesterday, but many times, when I stopped thinking about it, I dropped back to my normal voice. But I have a lot more time to practice this week.

It is a new day and I must get ready for it. So, later alligators.

Fantasia Fair: Day 2

I slept about six hours last night and was tired when I got out of bed. Once I am up and it is daylight, I seldom can fall back to sleep, so I got an early start on the day.

My old makeup skills have come right back to me after a two-month hiatus and I was ready to go by 8 AM. That's me in the photo ready to go out the door in what I call "real estate agent drag."

The first event of the day was not scheduled to start until 9:30 AM, so I had some time to kill and I planned to do that by finding a place where I could get some coffee. I thought I saw a coffee dispenser in the lobby, so I checked there first and not only did they have coffee, but they offered juice and pastry.

I attended the orientation and brunch. The food was good and the orientation was ok. It basically repeated the orientation information that Fantasia Fair has online. But it was nice to put faces to the names of the various people whose names I was familiar with and I met some more new people at the brunch.

After the brunch, there was a short walking tour of Provincetown. My tour was shorter than most because I was so tired that I dropped out of the tour and returned to my hotel room to rest.

I am going to bed, but promise to continue the Day 2 story in the morning.

Fantasia Fair: Day 1, Part 3

It is actually 6:15 AM of Day 2 at Fantasia Fair, but I want to finish my Day 1 thoughts before starting Day 2.

I decided to wear my fake Kiss stick-on nails as long as I can. I have an ample supply, but why take them off if they are still sticking. I don't know if the glue will hold up during the shower I will take after writing this. The thing is that I am getting very used to doing everything with the nails on. Even intricate stuff that I used to think would be impossible to do with long nails... maybe not impossible, but I was always amazed at how women with long nails managed to do such things. Now, I know! And it is actually fun learning.

I was surprised at the welcoming reception how many young people were in attendance. Considering the cost of this event, I expected to see a room full of old white rich people. I did not see anyone of color, but there both young and old in attendance.

I was also surprised at how few use a femme voice. In fact, I cannot recall one femulator using a femme voice last night... including myself. But I am going to correct that today, at least on a personal level.

I met a lot of new people last night, as well as some old friends and acquaintances. A bunch of us broke off from the reception and went to a pizza restaurant. I was not very hungry and only had on slice.

The streets of Provincetown really do a job on your feet, so I plan to wear something more comfortable today.

I leave you with a photo of my collection of luggage that I brought to Provincetown. Now you know how much it takes to make Staci. (The fishing tackle box in the photo houses my makeup.)

Fantasia Fair: Day 1, Part 2

My trip to Provincetown took four hours and ten minutes.

I checked into my hotel and signed in at the Fantasia Fair registration desk.

At registration, I saw my friend Jamie, but she did not recognize me at first because she had never seen in me boy mode.

After registration, I returned to my hotel room to get en femme.

Hair removal was a lengthy process since I had not been out en femme in months. I used Veet for the first time and it worked as well as Nair, but I think I prefer Veet because it comes in a pump dispenser, which is neater to use than the Nair squeeze bottle.

After dealing with my body hair, I did my makeup and dressed, as you can see above right.

I planned to attend the Fantasia Fair welcoming reception, but got lost finding the place, so I walked back to my hotel and asked for directions. I tried again, but I still could not find the place.

I must have looked lost because another transwoman walking by asked me if I was looking for the welcoming reception. She knew where it was, so I followed her.

I asked her name and it turns out she is Tobi, one of the regulars from the My Husband Betty Message Boards. Just a day or two ago, we exchanged "I hope to see you at Fantasia Fair" messages on the board!

I will continue this tomorrow as it it is almost midnight and I am exhausted. Just want to add that everyone has been very friendly so far and I am having a great time. More tomorrow.

Fantasia Fair Diary: Day 1

Trans New England

8 AM EDST: In about an hour, I should be on the road crossing Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts on my way to Provincetown for Fantasia Fair. My next blog entry should be from P-Town.

Fantasia Fair Diary: Day 0

(updated below)

This is the first installment of my Fantasia Fair Diary.

Today, I will be busy packing and getting things done around the house in preparation for my departure Sunday morning. So I won't be doing much blogging today.

Fall is Here

The weather here turned very fall-like yesterday with the temperature getting down to 38 degrees overnight. I expect to see similar weather conditions this week in Provincetown, 150 miles to the east.

Provincetown Webcam

My friend Diana posted this item on The My Husband Betty Message Boards last night and I want to pass it along to you here:

"For those who want to watch the coming and goings in P'town during Fantasia Fair, here is the Webcam on the corner of Commercial Street and Lopes Square (the town pier)."

The Webcam is about two block from where I am staying, so if you are patient enough, you might see me live from Provincetown.

UPDATE: I finished packing at 12:30 PM and the car is loaded and ready to go. But, I have a stomach ache and feel anxious.

Hopefully, I will be able to relax the rest of the day.

9 pairs of shoes

I started packing for Fantasia Fair last night and discovered that shoes, especially high heels eat up a lot of space.

Do I really need nine pairs of shoes for seven days and nights en femme?

I don't think so.

Three or four pairs are staying home.

Thankfully, I won't have to pack rain gear because the weather forecast for Fantasia Fair still looks good with temps in the mid-to-high 50s during the day and mid-40s at night. The only precipitation in the forecast is for the second Sunday, which is the day I drive home, so it really the won't rain on my parade en femme. (Just in case, I always have an umbrella stowed in my car anyway.)

crossdress like a star for Halloween

Just two weeks to go until National Femulator's Day, also known as Halloween. If you have not decided how to femulate on the 31st of the month, InStyle.com presents some ideas in their "Dress Like a Star for Halloween" slideshow.

The slideshow offers 12 suggestions for impersonating a "star" on Halloween. One and one-half of the suggestions are for male stars, but the rest are for female stars, although, I have to admit that I have never heard of some of them.

Josou Paradise

I occasionally search YouTube for trans-related videos and in doing so, I found about a half dozen or so from a Japanese television show.

Each of these videos shows a group of people standing on stage in front of an alcove whose contents is hidden by a curtain. Soon the curtain rises to reveal a seated pretty young woman and the audience oohs and aahs her. According to the description that accompanies the videos, the young women are actually young men dressed en femme. The oohing and aahing is justified because they look great.

I always wondered about the premise of the show, but not enough to research the subject. Yesterday, while researching something else on the Internet, I happened upon some Web sites that revealed what was going on. There is not a lot of information to be had, but here is what I managed to dig up. (If anyone has anymore information about this show, please pass it along.)

The television show is called "Gakkou e Ikou! MAX" and the crossdressing occurs on a segment of the show called "Josou Paradise." During Josou Paradise, a young man ("school ages") appears en femme as described above.

The femulation is so good that some people in the audience cannot believe that the young woman is actually a young man. To prove it, the doubters are encouraged to feel the femulator's breasts to determine if they are real!

Males in the audience can kiss the femulator, but this is done by putting a sheet of glass between the two as they kiss.

Sometimes, the femulator goes out and interacts with the public. On one occasion, a group of femulators participated in a fashion show intended for young women.

This popular youth-oriented variety show went off the air in September after an 11-year run.

Can you imagine an American version of Josou Paradise appearing on television here? You can be sure that I would be a regular viewer.

dressing your age

Dressing your age is a topic that comes up often in the femulator community.

Critiques say that many femulators dress too young for their age. They claim that short skirts, high heels, long hair, etc., are attributes of women and femulators under the age of 40, not old broads like me. They advise that women and femulators over the age of 40 should dress more conservatively.

I disagree. I am 57 and I don't think I look my age, so why should I dress my age? Why can't I be chic and dress stylishly.

To prove my point, look at this slide show on the Atlanta Examiner Web site. It presents photos of female celebrities aged 40 to 68, who they consider the "sexiest older women." These women are not dressing their age because they don't look their age.

One of the "sexiest older women" is actress Jane Seymour and I consider her my bellwether because we are about the same age (she is three weeks older than me). She dresses to kill, so why shouldn't I?

If you got, flaunt it.

last minute shopping

(updated below)

I started packing for Fantasia Fair last night. Yes, I don't leave for Provincetown until Sunday, but I have so much stuff and so little time.

I still need a couple of items and I will take an early lunch to find them, specifically, a pair of flats and a long scarf to accessorize my evening gown.

By the way, the weather forecast (according to Accuweather) looks promising for the whole week at Fantasia Fair: no precipitation and daytime temps in the mid 50s. I can live with that considering some of the bad weather stories I have heard about at past Fairs.

UPDATE: I scored a nice pair of black flats ($13) at Payless and a scarf/wrap ($9.99) at Burlington Coat Factory. I also bought a new black pocketbook ($19.99) at Burlington. It has lots of zippers, compartments, and a long shoulder strap, which these days is becoming a rare commodity, yet is so important for tall girls like me.

crossdressed in the past

William S. Osborne en femme in Boston circa 1901. (Click on the image to enlarge it.)

forced "man" dressing

My personality tends to be more female than male without even trying!

During the first half of my life (so far), my peers perceived me as a "sissy." This is not just an assumption on my part; I was told to my face many times that I was a "sissy" or the equivalent.

I did not go out of my way to be a sissy, rather I was just acting naturally. My personality directed me to do things a certain way. The problem was that that way sometimes did not meet the expectations of how a "man" would do things.

When I realized that something was amiss, I began forcing myself to do things the way a "man" does things in order to be accepted as a "man" in society and not be shunned as being effeminate.

Often, I felt uncomfortable when I forced myself to be a "man." As time passed, I learned that being accepted in society as a "man" was not worth the effort. So as I grew older and wiser, I forced myself less often and let my personality act naturally more often.

I also began crossdressing more publicly at that time in my life* and my open crossdressing went hand-in-hand with my decision to stop forcing myself to act like a "man."

I enjoyed dressing as a woman and my normal personality did not conflict with the way I dressed, i.e., I was not a "man in a dress." Again, this is not an assumption on my part; I have been told more than once that when I crossdress, my personality is a natural fit for the way I am dressed.

I realized that the natural way for me was often the the feminine way, but so what? Why was I forcing myself to be something that I was not? So, I stopped acting like a "man" and instead, acted like "me."

So, why don't I drop the other shoe, i.e., why do I still force myself to appear as a man most days of the week? I stopped acting like a "man" long ago and have been acting like "me" ever since, so why don't I stop dressing like a "man" and begin dressing like "me"?

That is the question.

* FYI, I began crossdressing regularly in my early teens, but I had a keen interest in crossdressing much earlier and probably crossdressed for the first time when I was about 8 years old. I crossdressed in public (Halloween) for the first time in my late teens and I crossdressed in public (not Halloween) for the first time in my mid-30s.

prep work

In preparation for Fantasia Fair, I shaved my armpits yesterday.

Of all the body parts I depilitate, my armpits are the most sensitive and I must follow a routine a few days before I go out en femme in order to have armpits that are hairless and painless.

I apply Gold Bond powder first. Then, I use the sideburn trimmer of my electric razor to remove the long hair. Next, I apply powder again and use the rotary blades of my electric razor to remove the remaining hair. Then, I apply the powder again.

Next day and perhaps another day or two, I apply powder and eschew deodorant because the deodorant will burn like heck. After two or three days, I can use deodorant again.

Maybe there is a better way, but this way works for me.

borrowing

My best friend Patty offered to lend me some things for Fantasia Fair, so yesterday, I took a long lunch to visit her and see what she had to offer.

In addition to providing an excellent lunch (soup, salad, and freshly baked bread), she presented me with a half dozen outfits, coats, and jewelry that I could borrow. The outfits included beautiful formal and semi-formal dresses and a pants outfit. The coats came in an array of colors and styles.

I hauled my haul home and tried everything on today. Two of the dresses fit perfectly including my favorite of the bunch: a long beaded grayish-blue sleeveless crochet dress that I now plan to wear to one of the Fantasia Fair banquets. The other dress that fit was a long black velvet dress with see-through short sleeves and I plan to wear it out to dinner at Fantasia Fair. The other dresses and the pants outfit were lovely, too, but they were too tight in the chest, so I will not be packing them for the trip to Provincetown.

The coats all fit and I will be taking a selection of them to Fantasia Fair and the jewelry accessorizes the beaded dress, so that will be coming along for the ride, too.

Thank you so much for your generosity, Patty!

changes

If you have visited here before, you may have noticed that I made some changes to the layout of this blog.

The biggest change is adding the left sidebar. That new sidebar contains items related to this blog, while the right sidebar contains items external to this blog.

This is a work in progress and I will continue tweaking the format for a day or so.

plan B

"The gown" arrived yesterday. It is beautiful, but it is too small.

So with only a little over a week before I leave for Fantasia Fair, I am working on an alternate plan on what to wear to the Fantasia Fair banquets.

I may rerun something I wore in the past or I may buy something new if I can find something I like in a local store (no time left for mail or online ordering).

shopping for the Fair

(updated below)

I took an early lunch and went to the mall to shop for my week en femme at Fantasia Fair. I intended to shop for three things: silver shoes to go with my evening gown, false eyelashes, and a pair of pants.

For false eyelashes, I went to the M·A·C counter at Macy's. I told the saleswoman that I wanted false eyelashes that looked natural. She suggested two pairs and I picked one . I was surprised that the eyelashes did not include glue; it was a separate item that I had to purchase.

Speaking of separates... after considering what I wrote yesterday about mixing and matching separates to save space in my luggage, I decided I needed a nice pair of black pants. Since I have never bought woman's pants before (leggings yes, pants no), I decided to go to a store where I was likely to get assistance from a salesperson: Lane Bryant.

I knew what I wanted, but I was overwhelmed with the selection. After trying to look as lost as possible, a saleswoman asked me if I needed help. I told her I did drag and that I wanted a nice pair of black pants around size 16 Tall.

She was very helpful and found two pairs of black "Right Fit Lafayette pants," one pair in size 2 Tall and the other in size 1 Tall. She showed me to the dressing room and I tried on the size 2 Tall first. It fit fine. Then, I tried on the size 1 Tall and it fit more snugly than the 2 Tall. I was not wearing a girdle (or a mirdle), so I figured that the size 1 Tall would be a perfect fit when I wear them with my girdle.

The pants cost $49.50, but by opening a Lane Bryant credit card, I saved 15% and the total cost came to $35.76.

Online, Payless had a pair of shoes that I liked, so I visited the Payless store at the mall, but they did not have the shoe in my size. I looked at shoes in the other stores and only one pair (in Macy's) caught my eye, but the price tag ($99) scared me away.

I stopped at another Payless store near work, but they did not have the shoe in my size either, however, the saleswoman did a search and found a pair in another Payless store that I can stop by on my way home from work this afternoon. (Wish me luck.)

UPDATE: The third Payless store had the shoe in my size and with the referral from the other store, I received a $3 discount. I also bought the matching handbag, which was on sale for $11, but I only paid $5.50 because Payless is having a BOGO (Buy One, Get One half off) promotion.

if I became a man, would you pay me more?

Catherine Price writes in today's edition of broadsheet, "Researchers from the University of Chicago and New York University looked at the experiences of transgender people in the workforce -- that is, people who had either transitioned from male to female or female to male -- and analyzed how their gender switch affected their pay. The result, as Time puts it, 'suggests that raw discrimination still remains potent in U.S. companies.'"

Read all about it here.

to pack or not to pack

One of the first things I did when I knew I was going to Fantasia Fair was start working on a list of what to pack for seven days en femme.

My previous longest stint en femme was four days at the IFGE Convention in 2004. Being anal retentive, I saved my packing list from that event and I used it as a reference while making my list for Fantasia Fair 2008.

To start, I listed the day-to-day Fantasia Fair activities and assigned one outfit to each. This resulted in six daytime outfits, six evening outfits, and one special occasion outfit.

Since I favor dresses over skirts, pants, and tops, mixing and matching separate pieces does not make much of a dent in my packing list, but I am reconsidering and may revise my list to include separates that I can mix and match to save some packing space.

Truth of the matter is that despite the list, I over-packed in 2004 (ten pairs of shoes) and probably will over-pack next weekend, but at least the list serves as a reminder of the "necessities" that I must be sure to bring with me to Cape Cod.

Currently, my packing list includes ten pairs of shoes, but I want to pare that down a bit. Shoes, especially heels, take up a lot of packing space. But shoes are also my weakness and I bet ten pairs make the roundtrip to Provincetown.

Do I really need four wigs? Do I really need three pocketbooks? My answers are probably "no" and "yes," respectively.

Wigs don't take up much space, but I am sure one of the four will stay home. On the other hand, pocketbooks like shoes, take up a lot of space, but I will probably take three because I "need" all three to match the outfits I plan to wear.

Luckily, I am driving my Subaru to Fantasia Fair (over four hours door-to-door) because I don't know how I would pack if I was flying. (FYI, some girls suggest shipping ahead by UPS, Fedex, or your carrier of choice.)

shipped

I ordered my evening gown for Fantasia Fair on September 14.

According to the seller, it would take 10-14 days to make the gown and 5 days maximum to receive it after they shipped it, which means they would ship it, worst case, around September 29.

Everyday, I checked the order status and as of yesterday, they were still making the gown (a week past the day they should have shipped it). With Fantasia Fair quickly approaching, I started formulating Plan B in case the gown did not arrive in time.

Good news! I checked the gown's status this morning and they shipped it! So, I should have it by week's end and in plenty of time for Fantasia Fair.

crossdressed in the past

Female impersonators performing circa 1965. (Click on the image to enlarge it.)

You have to be yourself. It's really all you can ever be.

So far, I have one "follower," Zagria. She has a blog called Gender Variant Biography, so I decided to visit it.

I spent an hour or so browsing Zagria's blog, which assembles biographies of "gender variant" people from the present, as well as the recent and distant past. I congratulate Zagria for her research and highly recommend that you visit her blog. I found the biographies fascinating especially those that were new to me.

One biography, Paul Whitehaed's, brought up a topic that is near and dear to my heart, that is, coming out publicly as a crossdresser. In a nutshell, Paul is an artist and a crossdresser, who en femme is Trisha Van Cleef, who is also an artist. Paul is public about his crossdressing and sometimes Paul and Trisha exhibit their artwork together.

After reading that, I was hooked and had to find out more, so I searched the Internet and Google came up with an interview on Alice Novic's Web site Alice in Genderland.

The interview provided more fascinating reading and Paul's answer to the last question of the interview was inspiring. If you read anything, make sure you read the last answer from which the following quote originates, "You have to be yourself. It's really all you can ever be."

After reading the interview, I felt the same as I did when I read the Grayson Perry interview.

Nearly a year ago, I wrote this about Grayson Perry here, "She is my hero/heroine because she is a public personality (like me), who happens to be a crossdresser (like me) and is very out about it (unlike me)...

"I have considered coming out as a crossdresser in my writing world... sort of run it up the flagpole and see who salutes and who burns down the flagpole. It certainly would spice up my life. Maybe I'll do it soon, maybe never, but it is something to think about."

And I do think about it a lot.

Many of my friends, relatives, and co-workers know (or suspect) that I am a crossdresser, so my official public outing would not surprise them. So what do I have to lose?

Probably not much, but, on the other hand, what would I gain? Most, if not all of the gains would be personally motivated, so would my selfish gains be worth the losses, no matter how few they may be?

I dunno.

With a week 24/7 en femme at Fantasia Fair looming on the horizon, I wonder if that experience might push me over the brink.

I'll find out.

more on less hair

Just a couple of additional thoughts regarding yesterday's discussion of hair removal products...

The containers of Veet that I bought yesterday were a bit more expensive than the containers of Nair I normally buy. However, Veet comes in a 13.5 oz/400 ml container vs. the Nair 5.4 oz/160 ml container, so that's two and one-half more times Veet than Nair for only a little bit more out of pocket. Also, I found a $2 discount coupon on the Veet Web site if I decide to buy Veet again.

Another advantage of Veet is that it comes in a pump container (like those hand lotion pump containers), which should make less of a mess than using the Nair squeeze container.

Veet also includes a plastic spatula to scrape off the hair. Dunno how useful that will be, but I will try it out.

A Tip

Finally, here is a tip when using Nair, Veet, or some other depilator.

Have a bottle of witch hazel and a face cloth handy in case you get the depilator on a sensitive body part. The witch hazel will cool the chemical burn and in my experience, prevent a rash and/or red skin that often follows some misplaced depilation.

Another Tip

Witch hazel is a great astringent. I use it on my face after shaving and before applying makeup. (I also love the scent of witch hazel.)

Nair vs. Veet

During my lunch hour, I went to my nearby discount department store to buy some things I needed at home. Near the top of my shopping list was Nair.

I have been using Nair like forever to remove hair and have learned what parts of my body to avoid because certain body parts do not like Nair at all. Those areas are my underarm area, areas near the base of my neck, and my nipple area. I am a happy Nair camper as long as I avoid those sensitive areas.

So, I visit the Nair area of my nearby discount department store and the Nair shelf is empty. I am shocked; there's nary a bottle of Nair to be found. (Maybe there is a crossdresser's convention in town and they bought up all the Nair! But, not likely because I would have heard about it.)

I noticed that there were a few bottles of a Veet on the shelf below the empty Nair shelf. I picked up a bottle and after reading the label, I concluded that it is similar to Nair, so I put two bottles in my shopping cart and kept on shopping.

During a break in the action at work this afternoon, I decided to see what the Internet had to say about Veet. I read the reviews and I became very worried about my purchase. Three out of four reviews were negative with reviewers complaining about all sorts of skin problems related to their use of Veet.

I was ready to get back in my car and go get a refund, but before I took that step, I checked to see how Nair faired in the Internet reviews.

Turns out that the Nair reviews were as bad as the Veet reviews. It seems that more people are more sensitive to Nair than I am, so I assume the same goes for Veet and I am safe, but I am holding onto my receipt just in case.

Michelle Obama Chooses Fast Fashion

Spotted: Michelle Obama wearing an H&M dress! BlackBook reports Obama wore the "Narciso Rodriguez–esque" dress while campaigning in Detroit, Michigan. Her sartorial choice was likely made in keeping with the current economic spirit as many might not find it prudent for our potential First Ladies to run around in designer outfits that cost $313,000.

Read all about it here.

call to P-Town

I phoned the hotel I will be staying at during Fantasia Fair to check on a few things.

Among other things, I wanted to find out if they have Internet access (so I can blog from the Fair). Turns out that they have free wifi.

I also wanted to find out about parking because their Web site says they do not provide overnight parking. Turns out that after Labor Day, parking is not an issue and that they do provide overnight parking.

Talking to the fellow at the front desk, I was impressed how friendly and welcoming he seemed. He actually sounded interested in the questions from this Fantasia Fair first-timer.

This was in high contrast to some of the hotel staff I have encountered at other trans events in the past* and he really made me feel comfortable about the prospect of staying at his establishment.

* One of the worst cases occurred when I was checking in at a hotel hosting a trans event about ten years ago. I was dressed en femme, yet the female at the front desk addressed me as "sir." It was not an auspicious start to that long weekend en femme.

three weeks until Fantasia Fair

Three weeks from now, I should be checked in at my hotel, dressed and ready to attend the first event, the welcome reception, of my 24/7 week en femme at Fantasia Fair.

I am so looking forward to Fantasia Fair! And I know it will be over before I know it.

By the way, I plan to keep a diary of my Fantasia Fair experience here on this blog with photos.

the seamy side of crossdressing

I have to get something off my chest.

A male gets dressed as a female on a television show or in a film. When he is finished, someone comments that his seams are not straight. In response, our hero checks out his gams, notices the unseemly seam and proceeds to adjust his hosiery to fix his fashion faux pas.

I think the first time I saw that scene was on the television show That Girl. On that show, Marlo Thomas's hapless boyfriend, played by Ted Bessell, had to dress as a woman for some reason and Marlo's father, played by Lew Parker, noted Ted's crooked seam(s).

Since that time, I've seen this scene repeated numerous times and each time I see it, it bothers me.

Why?

Because there are NO SEAMS!!!!!

I admit that you can still find, buy, and wear seamed hosiery (I know it, I've done it), but in every instance in a film or television show where the seam scene plays out, the crossdresser is not wearing seamed hosiery.

After I saw this scene a few times, I thought I was missing something and started looking for seams in my seamless hosiery! When I could not find any seams, I realized that the seam joke was just a carryover from the days when women and crossdressers wore seamed hosiery; I assume the writer(s) think that the joke is so funny that they continue to use the crooked seam joke despite the lack thereof.

Seamless hosiery began replacing seamed hosiery about the same time I started crossdressing. I distinctly remember that the first few pairs of stockings that I borrowed from my mother had seams, then suddenly, she started buying seamless stockings, and not much later than that, she switched to pantyhose that were also seamless.

By the way, this tirade was set off by a photo on flickr that I viewed earlier today in which a crossdresser is straightening his seams (according to the photo caption), yet he is wearing seamless hosiery.

I'm glad I finally got that off my chest. Now I feel better!

a boy wearing makeup

(I guess this is old news, but it is new news to me and maybe to you, too, so here it is.)

Mathieu Francis is the boy wearing makeup in A Boy Wearing Makeup, which is a series of videos that describe basic makeup application, as well as how to achieve certain looks and apply makeup like the stars (Mischa Barton, Jennifer Anniston, Sophia Bush).

According to the Web site, "If he looks this pretty, imagine what he can do for you! Check out these tutorials geared towards people of any age, any race, and any sex. The boy is here to provide you comic relief, fun make-up application, and to help you realized the potential in all of us to do and become everything we've always dreamed."

I have not viewed all the videos, but the videos I have viewed are very good and I recommend them to you.

tall pair

Greg nominated two additions to the Famous Females of Height list:

Pauley Perrette (left), the 5'10" actress currently appearing on the CBS television series Navy CSI NCIS.

Christina Hendricks (right), the 5'8" actress currently appearing on the cable television series Mad Men

Fantasia Fair update

An e-mail arrived informing me that I will be staying at the Crown & Anchor Inn in Provincetown during Fantasia Fair. Crown & Anchor is Fantasia Fair headquarters, i.e., where the action is during the event, so I feel lucky to be staying there.

my Emmy award

I watched the Emmy awards on television last night.

The hosts were annoying and Jimmy Kimmel was not funny, but there were many beautiful women wearing beautiful gowns that this femulating fashionista found fascinating.

My award for the best gown of the evening goes to January Jones, who wore a Dolce & Gabbana white corset-style goddess gown. (Ms. Jones appears on the basic cable series Mad Men.)

Rebecca Hall's tall

I saw the latest Woody Allen flick tonight, Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Vicky in the title was played by Rebecca Hall, who was excellent in the role.

Ms. Hall is also tall as was evident throughout the film, so I looked her up and she is 5'9" and thus qualifies as the latest addition to the Famous Females of Heights list.

Transgender Woman Wins Discrimination Lawsuit

According to today's Washington Post, a federal judge ruled yesterday that a former special forces commander was discriminated against when officials at the Library of Congress revoked a job offer after learning she was transitioning from being a man to a woman.

Read all about it here.

Staci says...

This case may be a breakthrough for the transgender community because the decision was based on the court's interpretation of the Civil Rights Act's prohibition against sex discrimination, not based on a law prohibiting gender discrimination.

This is important because the Civil Right's Act is federal law that is in place, whereas there is no federal protection against gender discrimination. Based on yesterday's decision, trans folk may be able to use the Civil Rights Act as a tool to protect their rights instead of waiting for a gender law to become reality.

being scarce

I will be scarce for the next five days. I am going away on vacation with limited Internet access, so blog postings will be few and far between until I get back.

wear-a-dress day

Shoot! I missed it!

Why wasn't I informed?

This past Monday was International Wear-A-Dress Day 2008 and I didn't know anything about it.

Wait 'til next year.

lipstick on a pit bull drag

Here's the lowdown on doing Sarah Palin drag for Halloween.

To tell you the truth, I'm more interested in a Michelle Obama wig, than a Sarah Palin wig, but that's me.

I'm not used to wearing heels

The most recent addition to our Famous Females of Height list, 5'11" Dara Torres modeled two looks for the presentation of Charles Nolan's spring collection during New York's Spring Fashion Week.

"Torres said she did worry... that she might stumble on the runway like Carrie Bradshaw did in 'Sex and the City.'"

"I'm not used to wearing heels," she explained. "I wear flats and flip-flops all the time."

Read all about it here.

where's Billy?

After I wrote the previous blog entry, "fiddling around," I searched the Internet to find an appropriate image to complement what I wrote and I came up with a photo of a beautiful woman playing a violin.

The woman in the photo reminded me of someone from my youth, my best friend in grammar school, Billy. I think Billy resembles the woman in the photo and vice versa.

I have not seen Billy in over 40 years, so I have no idea what he looks like today, but take the Billy I knew in the early 1960s, put him in drag, and he would be a dead ringer for the woman playing the violin.

I never saw Billy in drag, but I know he dressed as a girl for Halloween at least once and I suspect he is trans.

Billy and I were best friends throughout grammar school. I can't remember how we became friends, but we had a lot in common and that is what probably drew us together. We were both Polish, which was a rare commodity in our neighborhood, we both went to the same church (a Polish parish, needless to say), we were both artists, which put us on the outs with the school's "in crowd," and we both were fascinated in the opposite sex. We had crushes on certain girls, but we both were also scared of them and never did anything about our crushes, at least not in grammar school.

Around puberty, maybe in the 7th or 8th grade, I remember Billy hinting that we dress as girls for Halloween. At that time, I knew something was up with me gender-wise, but I didn't know what and the idea of dressing as a girl for Halloween was very attractive, but I was also in public denial about my gender issues and told Billy that I had no interest in his Halloween costume plans.

I don't remember what I wore for a costume that Halloween, but I do recall that I went out with my usual Halloween trick and treat partner in crime, my other best friend, who lived across the street.

In school the next day, Billy mentioned that he did dress as a girl, he trick and treated at my house and was disappointed that I was not home to see him in his costume. Note that Billy never before trick and treated my house, so he made a special effort that night to show me his girl costume.

Around this same time, I remember that one of us decided that we should adopt girl names (why - I don't know) and for days, he addressed me by my girl name, which was "Susan" and I addressed him by his girl name, which I cannot recall now.

As I mentioned above, we were both artists. He was very good at painting and I was a very good at sketching. As an outlet for my budding trans psyche, I spent a lot of my free time back then sketching males wearing female clothing. I must have killed a forest doing it. One day, Billy mentioned that he had been doing something similar and another day, he showed me some of his sketches. My reaction was to show disinterest.

But my real reaction was fear. I was in uncharted waters; I did not know what was going on with him (or me). I had enough trouble sorting out what was going on with me without having to deal with what was going on with my best friend, so I basically ignored him and I think that was the begiining of the end of a beautiful friendship. We hung out less during our last days in grammar school and ended up going to different high schools and after a few years, we were both out of each others' lives.

I think Billy was reaching out to me. He probably was just as confused as I was and maybe he thought he and his best friend would be better able to work things out as a team rather than solo. If that was the case, he was probably correct and I very much regret not reaching out to him and trying to work out together what the heck was going on. And so it goes.

Over the years, I learned through a mutual friend that Billy got married and lives two towns away, but our mutual friend said nothing about anything trans and I certainly did not ask.

But I often think about Billy and wonder if he really was trans (or was it just my 'magination) and if he ever did anything about it. I often hoped that one day he would show up at my support group and we could become best friends again except that this time we would be girlfriends.

fiddling around

Rome is burning while I fiddle around thinking about such things as what shoes to buy to go with my new evening gown.

If I put the time and effort that I spend femulating into something more important, would I make a difference? Maybe the world would be just a little bit better.

Maybe, maybe not.

Then again, maybe my efforts in femulation are doing some good. Personally, I know I get a lot out of it. And I know that writing this blog has helped a few people according to the feedback I have received.

But I am a worrier - always have been, always will be.

One of my biggest worries is what will other people think about me. If anything has been my downfall, it has been trying to please other people. I often succeed in making other people happy, but my success seldom makes me happy.

If I chose to please myself rather than please others throughout my life, I know my life would be different. Chances are I would have gone to NYC and tried to become a female impersonator instead of continuing my higher education to please my family.

What a sad sack I am! Maybe I need a vacation!