gnome

Last night, I watched a memorable 15-minute film titled Gnome. It stars Lauren Graham (of Gilmore Girls fame) and three actors playing transwomen.

Lauren plays a New Jersey suburban housewife and receives an education in gender diversity by interacting with the three transwomen. It is a very good film. I think you will enjoy it.

It is available free from various Internet Web sites including YouTube.

Enjoy!

going home again

A hometown visit brings back the struggles of growing up black and transgender.

Read this excellent opinion piece by Dannielle King, which appeared in today's Washington Blade.

Namoli Brennet

I just added Namoli Brennet's home page to my Cultural Links list. I should have done this before, but I neglected to do so.

I ate lunch with Ms. Brennet at the True Colors Conference in March 2007. As I wrote here back then, Ms. Brennet performed at the conference and is "a Tucson-based trans/genderqueer songwriter, who has been touring the country since 2002 when she released her first CD, Boy in a Dress. It was the first time I ever rubbed elbows with a rock star."

I remember discussing that she was from Tucson and my tenuous connections with that city. Well, I just learned today from my friend Diana's blog that Ms. Brennet was born in Waterbury, CT, which is where I was born.

Small world!

Dress Up!

In this vintage advertisement, the George Frost Company recommends "Retain the spirit and enthusiasm of youth — quicken your interest in the affairs of everyday life — enjoy the rejuvenated interest of new things — DRESS UP!"

I couldn't agree more.

legs

Rachel wrote to me about legs.

Noting the recent appearance of actress Gwyneth Paltrow without hosiery, Rachel asked, "When is the naked leg look appropriate and which women thrive on this look?"

Gwyneth looks fabulous without hosiery. In my opinion, if someone has the legs for it, going without hosiery is a fashion option especially during warmer weather.

Most young women like Ms. Paltrow, have the legs for it, but older women, may not.

I think I have shapely legs, but I would never go out without hosiery because my bare legs are not a pretty sight. New varicose veins, scars from surgically removed old varicose veins, and skin discoloration ruin the appearance of my legs and some kind of cover-up is necessary. Other women my age may have similar problems.

Rachel also sent along a a fashion tip to make your legs look longer: wear clear shoes. And to give the leg a final definition, paint your toes.

suggestion box

I try to write something here everyday and I am usually successful. However, some days, like today, I have nothing to say regarding the topic of this blog, i.e., femulation.

I am always open to suggestion. If you have any femulation-related topics that you would like me to write about here, please e-mail me and I will save save your e-mail in the suggestion folder on my hard disk. Then next time, I come up empty for something to write about, I will dig into the suggestion folder and address one of your suggestions.

Christopher Morley Redux

In response to my recent post here about actor and female impersonator Christopher Morley, I received the following e-mail:

"I have been curious for some time about what has become of Christopher Morley... she was such a wonderful and successful performer and seems to have disappeared in the last fifteen years. Any idea where she has gone... is she still performing?"

I researched the matter and can not find anything recent about Christopher Morley. Morley's last known appearance was on an episode of the TV series Boy Meets World in October 1998 Roseanne in December 1995. If anyone has more current information about Morley, please let me know and I will pass it on here.

past lives

Do you believe in past lives and reincarnation?

I always thought that if there was something to reincarnation, then it might help explain why trans-people are trans.

For example, if you were a woman in your previous life and came back as a man in this life, perhaps you might bring along carry womanly traits from your previous life. Furthermore, if you were a woman in consecutive previous lives and then came back as a man, you might be trans in this life because old habits are hard to break.

Who knows?

If anyone asks about my past lives, I tell them that in my previous life I was a female singer in a USO troupe touring with Glenn Miller's band during World War II and that I died on December 15, 1944 when Miller's plane was accidentally bombed by the RAF over the English Channel.

Being female in my previous life explains my trans-ness in this life and being a singer during that era explains my affinity for the music of that time period.

My death aboard a bombed airplane explains the horrific nightmares I had as a young child. In these nightmares, I was in an enclosed place that started exploding and before long, I was exploding, too. Then, I'd wake up screaming.

I had that same nightmare numerous times and cannot attribute it to anything I experienced in this life. If reincarnation is fact, then maybe the roots of my nightmares are from my previous life.

Like I wrote before, who knows?

Man! I Feel Like a Free Woman!

Shania Twain and husband-producer Robert "Mutt" Lange are splitting up after 14 years of marriage. Read all about it!

(In the world of femulation, Shania's hit Man! I Feel Like A Woman! has been lip-synced to death. I will admit to helping hammer a nail into the coffin of that song when I lip-synced a medley of Que Sera, Sera and Man! I Feel Like A Woman! at my support group's annual banquet follies back in 2004.)

15 Best Purses for Boys

This article at Refinery29 describes the 15 best male purses or "murses."

This article at EtherHouse describes (with tongue in cheek) how to carry a murse without looking gay (not that there is anything wrong with that.)

Finally, this article at wikiHow describes what to carry in your murse.

drag competition to be aired

According to The Hollywood Reporter, MTV Networks' Logo, which targets lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender viewers, has greenlighted a reality competition series starring RuPaul.

"RuPaul's Drag Race" will feature contestants competing to become "America's next superstar drag queen," with RuPaul serving as host, mentor and judge. Online voters will help pick one of the contestants at RuPaulsDragRace.com.

no go

As Robert Burns wrote, "The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry."

Work got in the way today and I won't be able to go out en femme tonight.

As Margaret Mitchell wrote, "Tomorrow is another day."

out again

I plan to go out en femme Thursday evening. First, I will dine at a local restaurant with my good friend Diana L. Then, I will attend the monthly cocktail party at Real Art Ways in Hartford.

Lana Hunter

Back in August, I wrote here about how I was thinking about changing my name to "Lana Hunter."

Yesterday, out of the blue, I received the following comment concerning that blog posting:

Hi,
My real name is Lana Hunter, and I have always loved it. I was checking the internet to see if it was listed and I came up with your blog.

And so it goes!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers as well as all fathers who femulate.

Christopher Morley

One thing leads to another. My blog entry on Friday resulted in a series of comments initiated by Kathryn Cleve about actor Christopher Morley, who femulated in films, television shows, and even the pages of Playboy during the last half of the last century.

Morley passed and definitely was not a guy in a dress like some of the femulators you see in films and on television. He was thin, pretty, and had one of the best femulated voices I have ever heard.

You can view an illustrated list of his film and television appearances on Jaye Kaye's Transgender Movie Guide. That page includes video clips so you can see for yourself how well he femulated.

(The photo on the right is from the May 1975 issue of Playboy. In that issue, Morley appeared in a series of photos in which he exchanged clothing with a woman. The photo here depicts the results of the clothing exchange.)

film femulation alerts

I discovered femulation in two films that I viewed recently.

Watched the 2006 film Gray Matters. It is the story of a woman (played by Heather Graham) who comes to the realization that she is a lesbian. Near the end of the film, her gay friend (played by Alan Cumming) takes her to her first lesbian bar. When they won't let him in because he's male, he goes home and gets into drag so he can still accompany her.

By the way, I checked out Alan Cumming on the Web and Gray Matters is not the first time he has femulated. He also appears occasionally in real life wearing kilts other skirt-like or dress-like garments. Google his image or check out his Web site to see for yourself.

I also watched the 2005 film The World's Fastest Indian. Actually, I missed the beginning of the film and began watching it when the main character (played by Anthony Hopkins) is accompanied by a trans-woman (played by Chris Williams). I don't know what their relationship is because I missed the beginning of the film and she never appears in the film again, but I now have the DVD of the film and will investigate further.

10 Time-Hallowed, Recession-Proof Tips For Beautification

This article contains great beauty tips for women and femulators alike.

uniform

This is a follow-up to yesterday's blog, specifically the second photo captioned, "Here, I was going for a late 1960's airline stewardess look with this cute vintage minidress that I won on eBay."

In case you are too young to remember, here are two photos of stewardess uniforms circa 1970.



A white minidress was part of the ensemble for stewardesses at Philippine Airlines.



Southwest Airlines stewardesses wore boots and hot pants.

By the way, for a superb Web site on topic, check out Cliff Muskiet's Stewardess/Flight Attendant Uniform Collection.

photoshoot, part 5

Yet another pair of photos from my Sunday photoshoot.



The dress is from Metrostyle and the shoes from Newport-News.



This black sequins swimsuit is from Newport-News.

photoshoot, part 4

Here are two more photos from my Sunday photoshoot.



This is an outfit I quickly threw together during the photoshoot: a stretch cami from Torrid, a short half-pleated skirt from Marshalls, and patent high heel pumps from Sexy Shoes.



Here, I was going for a late 1960's airline stewardess look with this cute vintage minidress that I won on eBay.

photoshoot, part 3

Here are more photos from my Sunday photoshoot. In these, I am modeling my "Father of the Bride" ensemble.

photoshoot, part 2

Here is another photo from my Sunday photoshoot. I am wearing the same outfit as in the previous blog posting, but I am wearing a longer wig.

Which do you like better?

photoshoot

I love digital cameras! You don't have to deal with film, so you can take photos until the cows come home. And after you milk the cows, you can take photos of the cows, too!

Today, I took 160 photos of moi en femme. Here is one in the new skirt and blouse I bought at JCPenney's on Tuesday.

film femulation (1951)

Fanfaren der Liebe (Fanfares of Love) is a 1951 German film in which "two out of work musicians put on drag to get work in an all girl band. Inevitable comical romantic complications ensue."

It sounds like Some Like It Hot, the 1959 American film in which two musicians, after witnessing a mob hit, "flee the state in an all female band disguised as women, but further complications set in."

(Both plot summaries come from imdb.com.)

crossdressing circa 1930

Some folks believe that crossdressing and gender identity issues are a modern phenomena. The photographic evidence alone indicates that this is not so. For example, today's photo shows a young man femulating circa 1930.

guys

I was thinking about this specific Q&A exchange at outreach on Wednesday:

…very pretty student sitting next to me said, "How do you react when guys are attracted to you?"

My answer was simple, i.e., that I never noticed any guys being attracted to me.

The student was incredulous and said, "You make such a pretty woman, so guys must be attracted to you."

I said that she might be right, but I never noticed probably because I did not want to attract guys, so I paid little attention to them.

After thinking about it, I did recall some instances when guys have been attracted to me. In each instance, the guy and I have been in vehicles; he in a car or truck and me in my car.

This makes sense because while I am in my car, it is unlikely that an observer can gauge my height. All they see is a woman's face, hairdo, and maybe hands with long painted nails grasping the steering wheel. They don't see a woman, who is 6'2" tall, so my height does not give away my birth gender while I am in my car.

On the other hand, I may look like a woman walking out and about, but my size will clue in many observers that I may not be what I seem.

Guys see me in a car and assume I am a woman, so they check me out at traffic lights or when they pass me by on the highways. On more than one occasion, I have noticed a guy in a vehicle ahead of me checking me out in his rear view mirror, and a few times, after initially spotting me in his rear view, the guy drives very slowly… to do what? Check me out some more, see if I will react, see if I will wave him over so we can get to know each other better… I dunno.

One time, I was the first car at a traffic light around 10 PM on a Saturday night. A guy solo in a vehicle approached from the crossroad on my right and made a left hand turn onto the street I was on. As his car crossed in front of me, our eyes met and he must have thought it was love at first sight because he immediately made a U-turn and pulled up next to me in the empty lane on my driver's side.

I could see him out of the corner of my eye waiting for me to respond, but I ignored him and prayed he did not follow me when the light turned green. He did not and I breathed a sign of relief.

the "Big T"

June 7, five weeks from this Saturday, the first New England Transgender Pride March and Rally will be held in Northampton, Massachusetts.

Northampton is an hour plus drive from Femulate Central and I plan to spend June 7 there rallying with my T-sisters and brothers from the six New England states and beyond. This T-only pride event will be a first for New England, perhaps the whole East Coast, and I don't want to miss it.

Perhaps, the event should be nicknamed the "Big T" just like the annual Eastern States Exposition held 17 miles downstream from Northampton is nicknamed the "Big E." Just a thought.

day out en femme

Yesterday, I spent much of the day out en femme.

Shopping

I femulated and was on the road before 10 AM. Twenty minutes later, I parked my car in front of JCPenney's at the mall in Meriden.

My goal was to find a dress to match the floral high heel pumps I bought at Payless last week. I saw a dress on JCPenney's Web site that would be perfect and I hoped to find it in the store, try it on, and see if it was a keeper.

I sat in the car waiting for the rain to let up (it was pouring) and to build up my courage to go in the store. I was overdressed for shopping on a rainy day (dress, heels, and tights) as evidenced by the other women I saw entering the store. But, I like to be dressed nicely when I do outreach and so it goes.

Sitting in the car, I worry about all the things that can go wrong femulating in public, but as soon as I opened the car door and walked across the parking lot with my high heels clicking that oh so feminine beat, all my fears went away. (This occurs almost every time I step out in public en femme. Maybe I'll stop worrying someday.)

No one paid any attention to me as I crossed the store to the women's dresses. I looked through all the racks, but I could not find the dress that I saw online. I found two other floral dresses in my size that might do and I also found a black pleated bubble skirt. I took two skirts (size 14 and 16) and the floral dresses to the dressing room.

Both floral dresses were the same size, but one was too tight on top and I could not get it on. The other fit fine, but it did not thrill me and its price tag ($70) made it less thrilling.

I tried on the size 14 bubble skirt and it fit fine and it thrilled me! I have been thinking about buying a bubble skirt for awhile now and I loved the way it looked.

I left the floral dresses and larger skirt on the return rack in the dressing room and began looking for a top to go with the skirt. I found a beautiful short-sleeve satiny blouse in a black and white leaf pattern with pretty puff sleeves. I found one in size XL and hoped that it would fit. I also found a black swing jacket. I took my finds to the dressing room.

I put on the bubble skirt and the blouse and I said, "Wow!" The blouse fit perfectly and looked fantastic with the skirt. I wanted to wear the outfit out of the store, but remembered that my upper arms were unshaven. I also tried on the jacket, but it did nothing for me.

I took the skirt and blouse to the cashier and waited in line behind one woman. While I waited, I noticed some of the female staff checking me out. I assumed they were in awe of the Amazonian beauty in their midst.

The cashier was very pleasant and I was pleasantly surprised that the outfit cost only $52. The price tags added up to $80, so I assume there was some kind of sale going on that I was unaware of.

I left the store and walked to my car; it was still raining.

Outreach

Thirty minutes later, I parked my car at Southern Connecticut State University. It was still pouring and I was about 30 minutes early, so I waited for the rain to let up before I walked to the classroom where I was going to do outreach. Fifteen minutes to go and the rain had not let up, so I grabbed my umbrella and walked about 500 yards to the classroom.

The professor found me and I met the other outreachers: Quinton (a female-to-male transsexual, who I've done outreach with before), Michelle (a male-to-female transsexual, who was new to me), and Diana (another male-to-female transsexual, a good friend, and someone I have done outreach with many times). I was the token crossdresser.

Both classes were big, about 25 students each with a 2:1 female-to-male ratio. I noticed some "attitude" among a couple of the males; I assumed that their testosterone levels were higher yesterday because of the weather.

As usual, we each told our stories and then fielded questions from the students. For the Q&A, the professor divided the class in half and we spent half the period with one half of the class and the rest of the period with the other half. I was paired with Diana for the first class and Quinton for the second class.

I started out sounding nervous, but loosened up during the Q&A and even got a few laughs from the students.

The Q&A was typical. We've heard most of the questions before. I did receive one unique question. During the last Q&A of the day, a very pretty student sitting next to me said, "How do you react when guys are attracted to you?"

My answer was simple, i.e., that I never noticed any guys being attracted to me.

The student was incredulous and said, "You make such a pretty woman, so guys must be attracted to you."

I said that she might be right, but I never noticed probably because I did not want to attract guys, so I paid little attention to them.

During the break between classes, we all went to the student union to eat and chat. We also had an opportunity to read the first class' reactions to us.

A few students said that I was nervous, but at least, no one said I was "sad" as in the past.

One male student wrote, "Staci is so cool that I could tell she is probably a very nice person in boy mode, and in front of me is a woman."

That is perhaps the nicest compliment I have ever received.

going mainstream

Is femulation going mainstream?

Sunday's Parade Magazine had this femulation-related cartoon. The print edition of the magazine also had a photo of actor Patrick Dempsey wearing a skirt, but that photo did not make it into the online edition.

an extended weekend

I am enjoying an extended weekend.

We visited northern Vermont and New Hampshire Saturday and Sunday where snow is still on the ground in many places. I took Monday off to recuperate from Saturday and Sunday and I am taking Tuesday off to spend the day femulating to do outreach for two classes at Southern Connecticut State University.

The weather forecast is rain, rain, and more rain, but as I always say, "A bad day femulating beats a good day at work!"

Paltrow receives Femulate Fashion Seal of Approval

Earlier today, I bestowed my coveted Femulate Fashion Seal of Approval on Gwyneth Paltrow, who has donned mini-skirts and kinky heels on "Iron Man" Tour.

The Radicalguy

Recently, Ethan St. Pierre interviewed my friend Jamie Dailey on his TransFM Internet "radio" program. As you may recall, Jamie is the femulator I outreached with last week.

I missed the live Internet broadcast, but I downloaded its podcast to my iPod and listened to the interview during my daily commute.

The interview was wonderful. It was my first encounter with Ethan St. Pierre, "The Radicalguy," and I was very impressed. He is a superb interviewer with a great sense of humor. He seemed very familiar with Jamie and their interview was more like a conversation between old friends.

I wanted to hear more, so I commanded iTunes on my MacBook Pro to download a directory of all the Radicalguy interviews that were available. I selected a couple of interviews from the directory (the Jennifer Finney Boylan interview and the Helen Boyd and Betty Crow interview) to download to my iPod and I have been listening to those podcasts the past few days.

I have not been disappointed. Those interviews are as good as Jamie's interview and I will likely download all of Ethan's podcasts to my iPod.

By the way, Ethan is a female-to-male trans and his spouse if male-to-female, so he is very familiar with our area of endeavor. Visit his Web site for more information.

shopping

During lunch, I drove to the grocery store to buy food for lunch and stopped at PayLess, which is on the way. I bought two pairs of shoes: black oxfords for boy mode and flower pumps for girl mode. The pumps are the shoes I blogged about last week ("my Mother's pumps") and I was pleased that they had a pair in my size.

I wonder what went through the cashier's mind while she rang up my diverse gendered purchase, which, by the way, was a real good deal. Payless is having their "buy one and get the second half-off" sale, so my purchase cost only $35.

Now, I have to find something to wear to go with my new shoes!

towering Tyra

During dinner, the television is usually on and tuned to the local news. During commercials, I usually switch to the channel that broadcasts the Tyra Banks show in the 5-6 PM time slot.

I check out her show because sometimes the topic of the show is related to my fashionista side and sometimes to my trans side. I also check out her show to check out Tyra to see what wig and outfit she is wearing. She always looks gorgeous and is an inspiration to this little old femulator. (Here is a link to see what Tyra and some of her guests have worn on past shows.)

She is also tall. On yesterday's show, she towered over everyone, male and female. The high heels she wore had something to do with her towering height, but I was curious as to how tall she really is.

So, after dinner, I searched the Internet and found that she is 5'10" or 5'11" depending on who you believe. Either way, she is tall.

a pageant for the third sex

"A pageant for the third sex" describes a recent beauty pageant for our trans-sisters in India. Read the whole story here.

"Girl With A Hoop" is a boy

Renoir’s Daughters: How Renoir Feminized His Sons by Cara Healey is an interesting piece about French artist Pierre August Renoir and how he used his three sons to pose as girls for his paintings.

What would Jesus do?

I recommend reading Just Like Jesus on Jess and T's Our Life in Pink blog.

my Mother's pumps

Today, I received an e-mail from Payless announcing a shoe sale. I checked out the sale because I like their shoes (they are inexpensive and there usually is a nice selection in my size).

While browsing their shoes, I had déjà vu when I saw this high heel pump that they call "Hilt." It is a dead ringer for the first woman's shoe I ever wore.

When I was about 12 years old, my experiments with femulation began one day when an inner voice convinced me to try on a pair of my mother's stockings while I was home alone.

I had seen my mother put on her stockings more than once, so I had a pretty good idea on how to do it and I emulated her successfully, i.e., I got them on without running them.

I then checked out my pre-pubescent hairless stockinged legs in my mother's full length mirror. Wow – they were as shapely as the legs of a woman!

My inner voice convinced me that they might look even more shapely if I slipped on a pair of my mother's high heels. So, I found a pair of her high heel pumps, ones that look just like Payless's Hilts, and slipped them on my feet.

I checked out my legs in the mirror again and again was impressed how shapely and womanly my legs appeared.

That was the beginning. The rest was her-story, specifically Staci's story.

Whenever I dressed secretly at home, I always favored that pair of my mother's pumps. They were so pretty and they were also the highest high heels she owned.

Her pumps are long gone, but I plan to go shopping at Payless real soon now and buy a pair of my own.

my day at Wesleyan University

Tuesday, I went to Wesleyan University in Middletown, CT, to do outreach for a class on 21st Century sexuality.

For the first time, I wore the "royal purple" zip-front V-neck dress that I bought from Newport-News in December. It is from their Shape FX collection, which they claim are "designed to make the body you have, look like the body you want."

I'm not sure how they do it, but every Shape FX outfit I own improves my figure and the dress I wore yesterday was no exception. In my notes from yesterday, I wrote that I thought I looked "fab."

By the time I was ready to go out, it was 10:45 AM. Since I was not sure how long it would take to drive to Wesleyan and find a parking space, instead of shopping before going to the school, I drove directly to Wesleyan and found a parking spot across the street from the classroom building where I was doing outreach.

I was 90 minutes early! I sat in the car for awhile taking in the beautiful scenery, then decided to get out in the fresh air. I walked to the entrance of the classroom building where there were benches and I sat there until the class began.

I did not take a coat of jacket with me and I thought that might be a mistake because the temperature was in the low 30s early on, but by the time I arrived on campus, the temperature was about 60 and perfect for what I was wearing.

The classroom building has a cornerstone dated 1903. I wonder how many crossdressers were doing outreach at Wesleyan 105 years ago!

Thinking about my own life, when I stepped out en femme for the first time to attend my first support group meeting, I would never have imagined that 20 years later, I would be out and about freely femulating in public and speaking about it to a college class. (You've come a long way, baby!)

And, although I am 20 years older, my presentation as a woman is much better today. I mastered a lot of the "tricks of the trade" and I think I pass some of the time. My penchant for high heels does not help me pass, but like I've said before, at 6'2", my height is already a show-stopper, so what difference will high heels make.

Jamie, the other crossdresser who was doing outreach with me, showed up and a few minutes later, Maureen Sullivan, the professor showed up and escorted us to the classroom.

It was a small class: about 15 students, about half female and half male. I went first and talked for about 15 minutes, basically reciting my biography. Jamie spoke after me and covered more generic trans subject matter. Then, we took questions from the students.

We did not get a lot of questions and the only unique question I received had nothing to do with trans matters; the student asked me about the books I had written in boy mode.

After class, we three walked three blocks to Main Street to dine at the First and Last Tavern. I'm glad I brought a second pair of shoes, otherwise the walk might have been unbearable in the 3½” platform pumps I was wearing. Switching to a 3” non-platform pump made a big difference.

I don't think anyone paid much attention to us until we got to the restaurant, where I noticed some of the staff checking us out more closely. Our waiter was respectful and treated us like ladies.

The food was good and the conversation was excellent. We dined alfresco, which was very nice for a change.

We finished around 4 PM, walked back to the campus, split up, and drove home.

It was another excellent day out en femme, but I was exhausted by the time I arrived home and went to bed earlier than usual.

fallen limbs = shapely limbs

Muscles ache today that normally don't because I did the dreaded spring yard clean-up Saturday and Sunday.

This year, it was particularly onerous because during the winter, a huge branch broke from a tree and landed in the back yard. Normally, I would just drag it into the woods, but this one was so big that I could barely move it. So, I had to get out the chain saw and cut it down to more manageable pieces that I could drag into the woods along with the 50 or so other branches that were kind enough to break off in manageable chunks.

When I got on the scale this morning, I was happy to see that I weighed one pound less than the day I got married 25 years ago. Except for raking leaves in the fall, I do all my own yard work and it helps me to maintain my figure. All those fallen limbs make for shapely limbs!

males modeling dresses

I was looking at the spring fashions on the Internet today and I noticed what I believe were males modeling dresses. Here are two examples; you be the judge.

reaching further

This is going to be a busy month for me on the outreach front.

Last night, I received a call asking if I would do outreach for two Human Sexuality classes at Southern Connecticut State University on April 29. These are the classes I have been outreaching every semester for the past few years and I gladly accepted the assignment.

This is in addition to the outreach I will be doing at Wesleyan University on Tuesday, so, as a result, I will be out for the day en femme twice this month.

Fantastic!

just my style

I try not to watch too much television because I get hooked on the better stuff (like The Sopranos, John Adams, 30 Rock) and when I get hooked, I can't miss an episode.

I saw the ads for AMC's Mad Men, but avoided it because it seemed like just another prime time soap.

The show received good reviews and I will probably check it out in reruns, but not because of the good reviews, but rather because of the costume design.

"Set in 1960 New York, the daring new series is about the lives of the ruthlessly competitive men and women of Madison Avenue advertising, an ego-driven world where key players make an art of the sell while their private world gets sold."

Yeah, it sounds like a soap, but the clothing is just my style!

best deal in bras

Twenty-two percent of women in a new Consumer Reports survey said they always or often regret bra purchases. That's especially annoying when some bras cost more than $100. But does a woman or a crossdresser need to pay that much for a well-made bra that fits?

The answer is a resounding "no" and the details are here.

never worn out

This photo shows me in the spring of 1995 modeling a cocktail dress that I never wore in public. I love the dress and I think it looked lovely on me, but for one reason or another, I never wore it out en femme.

I still have the dress and it is in pristine condition. I believe it is still stylish enough to wear today, don't you?

So, I think it is time to take it out of storage and wear it to the next special occasion I attend. (It would be the perfect thing to wear to my cousin's wedding in June, but I don't think the family would agree with my wardrobe selection.)

next outing/outreach

The plans are set and I will be out en femme next Tuesday, which will include doing outreach at Wesleyan University in Middletown, CT. Specifically, I will be doing outreach with another crossdresser for a class dealing with 21st Century sexuality; sounds interesting!

The class is in the early afternoon, so I will have time to do other things. I will probably do some shopping at the mall and have lunch somewhere... maybe on campus.

It should be a nice day out femulating and I am looking forward to it.

kindred spirit

Surfing the net today, I came across the blog of a kindred spirit, Vickie Davis, who you might enjoy reading.

not sisters

Everyone thinks we're sisters, but we're actually mother and son.

(from a recent issue of The New Yorker)

just reward

I finished doing my taxes today. I don't usually wait this late, but I use tax software and my computer was in the shop during most of March in the repair queue waiting for a part.

It was worth the wait because after waiting so long, Apple decided to send me a new computer rather than make me wait any longer for mine to be fixed. This was a real sweet deal because my broken computer was over three years old, while its replacement is a brand new model, just released in January!

Anyway, I finished my taxes and I am getting the biggest refund I have ever received. And as a reward, I treated myself and bought this dress from Metrostyle 30% off list.

calendar

2008 March 29
Originally uploaded by staci-staci

I promise that this will be the last photo from the banquet that I will put on the blog. It is another from my friend Jamie.

The banquet is nearly a week past now and I still cannot get the thrill of temporarily being a woman out of my mind. So much so that I have been hatching plans for a day out en femme real soon now. Maybe a day at the casino, where I can play slots for an hour or two, eat lunch at a nice restaurant, and do some window shopping in the expensive stores that ring the casino (if I win at the slots, maybe I will even buy something).

I also began thinking seriously about attending the Be-All in Chicago at the end of May, which would include a 900-mile road trip en femme (never pumped gas en femme before).

And out of the blue, I received an e-mail yesterday asking if I'd be interested in doing outreach at a new venue: Wesleyan University. A professor is looking for a plain vanilla heterosexual crossdresser to speak at her class later this month, so I provided the dates I can appear.

It looks like my en femme calendar is filling up nicely.

more banquet photos

2008 March 29
Originally uploaded by staci-staci

This is one of the photos my friend Jamie sent me from my support group's banquet on Saturday night.

It seems that most of the attendees had digital cameras and they were using them; it was "The Night of a Thousand Flashes."

party likes it's 1997

My friend Michelle sent me a photo from 1997 attending my first Connecticut Outreach Society (COS) banquet. (I believe it was also the first COS banquet ever held).



We were crowded in a very small hotel banquet room and there was an assigned restroom nearby that we were supposed to use. Rebel rebel that I am, when nature called, I took the elevator down to the ground floor and used a real women's restroom and I remember being thrilled that the female patrons in the ladies' inner sanctum paid no attention to me!

voice training

Laura Kane sent me this link to an amazing YouTube video in which a young transwoman demonstrates how she attains a realistic female voice. Her technique is similar to the technique I have tried, but her results are a lot better than mine!

Even if you have no interest in using a female voice, watch the video for its entertainment value because you will be surprised (at least I was) when she switches to her male voice.

Saturday night

Saturday night I attended my support group's annual banquet. It is a dress-up affair and I always dress to impress.



Ready

For months, I planned to wear the dress I bought from Victoria's Secret last fall, a black sleeveless V-neck tunic-style sweater dress with sequin on the front.



I did my makeup for a glam look. I wore false eyelashes and instead of the various shades of brown that I normally use to do my eyes, I used grays and blacks.

Patty, my fashion advisor, thought that I should wear my short blonde wig with that dress and I agreed. However, just for the heck of it, I also took out my mid-length blonde wig and my shoulder-length dark auburn wig to see which looked best after I did my makeup and dressed.

I tried on the mid-length blond wig and rejected that look. Next came the short blond wig and it looked very good. Finally, I shook out the shoulder-length dark auburn wig, plopped it on my head, and fell in love with the way it looked with my makeup and outfit.

I checked myself out in the full length mirror and something was not right. The V-neck of the dress revealed a large expanse of chest, which was as flat as a board. The dress screamed for something more.

I slipped off my dress. Then, I filled my bra cups with my homemade birdseed breast forms, which lifted my natural size A cup breasts up and brought them together. I used strips of surgical tape to bring them even closer together to create cleavage. I used some eyeshadow to make the cleft of my cleavage look deeper and then I powdered my whole breast area with translucent powder.

I slipped on my dress, looked in the mirror, and was very happy with the way I looked; I thought I actually looked a little "sexy" for a change. At the banquet, my friend Jamie said I looked like "a hottie," so I guess my assessment was correct.

After I took a few photos, I put on some Chanel No. 5 and did my nails. This was my first time using Kiss pre-glued stick-on nails and after a night of wearing them, I am impressed.

The largest Kiss nail was larger than the largest nail that Revlon provided with their defunct Maximum Speed pre-glued nails, which I used in the past. With the Revlon Maxies, the largest nail did not cover my thumbnail completely; there was a small gap. With the largest Kiss nails, there was no gap; the Kiss nails covered my thumbnails completely.

Also, the glue of the Kiss nails is a lot stronger than the Revlons. Once the Kiss nails were stuck on, they stayed on. I was very satisfied with the Kiss brand of nails and recommend them highly.

Set

I was out the door at 5:20 PM for the 25-minute drive to the hotel in Meriden, CT, that was hosting the banquet. The drive was uneventful and I arrived in plenty of time for the 6 PM cocktail hour.

Go

There were 55 paid guests and I assume that most of them showed up. I recognized about half the faces; the other half were new to me.

Some of the people I recognized did not recognize me; I guess I looked different than I usually looked. For example, I sat with a new acquaintance, Nicole, for over five hours at our support group's table at True Colors just two weeks earlier. Nicole did not recognize me at the banquet until they announced my name preceding my lip-sync performance during the follies portion of the evening.

Speaking of True Colors… I wore the same pair of heels at the banquet that I wore at True Colors and they did not bother me at all Saturday night, whereas they killed my feet at True Colors.

There were more genetic women in attendance than ever; probably one-fifth to one-quarter were genetic women, mostly significant others, as well as a contingent from a local nail/waxing establishment. One of the contingent complimented me on my dress.

My friend Deja was snapping photos, so I twisted her arm to take some photos of me in a more scenic area, i.e., the beautifully decorated lobby of the hotel. She agreed, but on the way to the lobby, we passed the swimming pool area and it looked as nice as the lobby, so we used it for my mini-photo shoot. (Two photos from that photo shoot appear here.)

I sat at the Board of Directors table, so I had the pleasure of conversing with our after-dinner speaker, Moonhawk River Stone. His after-dinner speech was inspiring and I was moved to become even more trans active. Coincidentally, at the banquet, my support group's executive director informed me that I am officially the editor of the group's monthly newsletter (I had been subbing for the past few months for the previous editor).

I was nervous as the time drew near for my lip sync performance. I was first up and relieved to get it over with! I think I did OK. I did not flub the words and everyone enjoyed the song I selected to lip sync, an obscure Lesley Gore semi-hit from the 1960s titled "Sometimes I Wish I Were a Boy."

When I returned to our table after performing, Moonhawk River Stone mentioned that he loved my song selection, which made me feel a lot better about my performance.

I mingled a lot through the evening. I became reacquainted with girls I had not seen for many months and in a few cases, many years. I also mingled with some of the new faces in attendance. I even met and chatted with one of my blog's regular readers, Chris. (Hi, Chris!)

I really enjoyed myself Saturday night. I thought I looked my best and that made me feel wonderfully womanly. Nothing could ruin my night except its end, which came around 12:20 AM when I decided to call it a night and drove home.

three thousand words

They say a picture's worth a thousand words, so here are three photos from my night out yesterday.


I am at home dressed to kill and ready for my big night out.


Enjoying myself posing next to the pool at the hotel that hosted our banquet.


A close-up of me and my friends.

big night tonight

Tonight is my support group's annual banquet, which is the trans-event of the year around here. It gives me an opportunity to dress to kill and you can be sure I will not waste that opportunity.

You can expect a full report and photos here tomorrow, sooner, or later.

male female models redux

Back in October 2007, I wrote about the urban legend that some of the fashion models wearing female finery on the catwalks of the fashion world are actually males.

Today, Anonymous commented that, "terri(sp?)toye was a transsexual high fashion model in the 70's. catwalks, some print ads...tho' not much can u find on her"

I Googled "terri toye," discovered that her name was "teri toye" (one r, not two). Google found some information on her including this Web page, which is a gallery of her work as a model.

validation

There is a message thread about validation on the MHB (My Husband Betty) Message Boards. Some people seemed concerned that when they receive a compliment about their appearance ("You look great"), the person making the compliment is really saying, "You look great... for a tranny."

So? I'd rather look "great" for a tranny than look lousy for a tranny!

I appreciate any compliment I receive, whether the person making the compliment reads me as a tranny or not. Perhaps, the nicest compliment I have ever received was, "You look better than most women I know."

You can't get much better validation than that!

Life as a Tall Girl

From today's New York Times, the story about a woman who is 6-foot-4... and she wears heels!

Saturday night outing

My support group's annual awards banquet is Saturday night. It is the local T-event of the year.

In recent years, the banquet headcount has been in the 60 to 70 range. I wonder if the economy ("The Bush Era of Prosperity") will have any effect on the headcount. I hope not because, as they say, "the more, the merrier."

The weather forecast for Saturday night is "mostly cloudy, with a low around 24." I plan to wear the cocktail dress I bought from Victoria's Secret last fall. Like a lot of what Victoria sells, my dress is skimpy, so I will have to wear one of my fake fur coats to fight off the cold temps Saturday night.

I will be performing in the "follies" after dinner is served. I lip sync and for this year's performance, I found a very obscure song from the early 1960s that I think will be very apropos for the event; the theme of the song is gender envy.

As usual, you can expect a full report here after the fact with lots of photos, too.

easter envy

Easter is not a big holiday in my family. We hardly notice it.

It was different when I was a kid. My family were practicing Roman Catholics, so it was a big holiday for us back then.

Our usual Easter routine was Mass on Sunday morning, dinner with the whole family at my aunt's house Sunday afternoon, and an egg hunt for the kids after dinner.

In preparation for Easter, Mom would get new Easter outfits for herself and my sister. My Dad and I wore whatever suit was the most recent addition to our wardrobes.

I was jealous of my sister. She usually got a new dress, new shoes, and a new hat for Easter. My female cousins got dolled up for Easter, too, meanwhile I was stuck in a boring suit.

Saturday, I will make up for my Easter envy and get dressed to kill for my support group's annual banquet. I can't wait!

the funny thing about black men in dresses

Why do black comedians like Tyler Perry, Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence don plus-size pantyhose and parade around as their feisty grandmas?

Read why here.

catwalk

I wish I lived in the Bay Area to participate in this event!

CATWALK, a new elite modeling competition that caters to the Transgender Community (male to female). The time has come for a modeling competition that embodies, class, beauty, style, fashion at its best! Its’ purpose is to encourage and empower the TG community to excel in the fast evolving world of fashion and unique marketing.

CATWALK, represent a new outlook for the transgender community. As the TG community is rapidly growing, empowerment, advocacy and leadership is instilled in this competition to secure proper representation of what the new TG community represents.

CATWALK corresponds to a cause! It is an event that responds to the HIV/AIDS epidemic and offers assistance unconditionally to serve the greater human race.

CATWALK symbolizes excitement, drama, pride, fun, movement, arts, delight, progrH style, evolution, pleasure, fashion, compassion, people, community and YOU!

Here is the CATWALK Web site.

Friday Q and A

During my True Colors workshop on Friday, folks asked a lot of questions.

Some were the same or similar to ones I have answered before.

Some were new and here are the ones that I remember:

Q: The way you move your hands and gesture is very feminine. Are you doing that intentionally?

A: It is not intentional.

I gestured while answering the question and suddenly became aware that my hand gestures were indeed feminine, which gave me pause.

I know that consciously, I am not acting any differently en femme and en homme. Maybe my subconscious is responsible for my feminine mannerisms.

Maybe it is context, i.e., I am acting the same en femme and en homme, but when I am en femme, those mannerisms look more feminine because I am dressed from head-to-toe like a woman. I recall crossdressing for a Halloween party in college and an acquaintance who knew me in boy mode, said that while crossdressed, he noticed that my mannerisms were the same when I was in boy mode, but that they were definitely feminine.

Maybe my mannerisms are feminine en femme and en homme, which would explain why I have been called a "fairy," "faggot," "twinkie," etc.


Q: Do you buy your clothes in a "big" women's store?

A: Not necessarily. I am a size 16 or 18 above the waist and a size 14 or 16 below the waist, so sometimes I find clothes that fit in the "Misses" section and sometimes in the "Women's" section.

Q: Are you happy with your male body image?

A: Yes


Q: What would you do if you could do it over again?

A: I would live 24/7 as a woman without hormones and surgery, but I would have electrolysis.


Q: Do you ever feel that you are really a female?

A: No was my quick reply, but on reflection, when I am en femme, sometimes I feel that I am really a female.

Friday fotos

Here are two photos from my Friday out en femme (click on the photos to enlarge them).

Here I am staffing my support group's table at the True Colors Conference.








Hanging out in the UCONN Student Union just like I did when I attended the university back in the 1970s except now I am dressed very differently.

fond of new found nails

Back in December, I mentioned that Revlon discontinued their Maximum Speed line of pre-glued stick-on nails, which I wore whenever I went out en femme. I stocked up on Max Speedies via eBay, but my supply is dwindling, so I have been searching for a replacement.

I think I have found it: Kiss Broadway pre-glued nails.

Kiss has a wider selection of pre-glued stick-on nails than Revlon ever had and the package that I bought has wider nails, too. I compared the largest Revlon nail with the largest Kiss nail and the Kiss nail is noticeably wider, which is a godsend to girls like us with larger than the average female fingers.

I have not worn my Kiss nails out yet, so I don't know how well they stay on. However, I plan to wear them to our annual banquet on the 29th and I will report back then.

yesterday

Yesterday, I participated in the True Colors Conference for school-aged GLBT youth and their adult supporters and/or facilitators (parents, teachers, guidance counselors, social workers, etc).

The day started early. I was up at 5 AM in order to be en femme and at the conference on the UCONN campus by 10 AM. The trip was about 90 minutes long, which included a 25-minute trip to my friend Patty's house to give her a ride to the conference. We arrived on campus at 9:15 AM.

On the way up, I demonstrated my female voice to Patty. She said it sounded "forced." I decided that I needed more practice and put my female voice back in the box.

First thing after we arrived at UCONN, we walked to Jorgensen Auditorium to pick up our Presenter packages. Everyone I encountered used the correct pronouns. So far, so good.

My schedule was to man staff my support group's booth until about 2:30 PM, then walk to the classroom where I would do my workshop, "Body Image and Male-to-Female Crossdressing."

We found my support group's table in the Student Union and I introduced myself to Nicole, who would be manning staffing the table with me.

I went to the women's restroom to freshen up. While in the restroom, a young woman complimented my outfit. She especially liked the belted look.

The morning was uneventful. Some people stopped at our table for information; mostly adults (school counselors and such), who were new to dealing with trans-children in their schools.

We broke for lunch and ate at the Student Union food court. I had Chinese food. The two female food servers used the correct pronouns with me, but I think the female cashier used "sir." It was noisy and it was hard to hear her, so I am not 100% sure about her "sir."

After lunch, I went to the restroom to powder my nose. On the way back to our table, a woman stopped me. She said she was manning staffing a table across the room from our table and she thought my smile was "so engaging." I turned red with embarrassment and thanked her for the kind words.

The afternoon was more of the same. Most memorable was one young male who came to our table. He was very nervous and hardly spoke. We tried to encourage him to speak freely, he was amongst friends, but he could not, so we loaded him down with our hand-outs and hoped that would help. (I so saw myself in his shoes when I was his age.)

As the time for my workshop approached, I started getting nervous. My main concern was that I had no idea what kind of audience I would face.

When it was time to go, I got my things together to walk to the Math & Science Building where my workshop was to be. As I left, I passed the table where the woman who complimented me was sitting. I smiled at her and she said, "Keep on smiling."

It was a long walk. It was actually only two city blocks long, but my feet were killing me. I specifically picked my shoes for a long day because in the past, I was able to wear them for long stints without a problem, but yesterday, they were killing my feet. Go figure!

I arrived at the classroom about ten minutes early and there were already about ten students in the class. I am terrible at guessing ages, but I think their ages ranged from late teens to the early twenties.

By the time I started my workshop, I had about 20 people in my workshop; 15 or so were student-aged and 5 or so were adults. (At the end, I received 17 evaluation forms, so either my headcount guesstimate was high or a few people did not fill out an evaluation form.)

I started off telling everyone to jump in with questions at anytime. I would rather try and answer their specific questions, rather then have them listen to me babble on about something they did not want to hear.

I proceeded to babble on for about 20 minutes or so telling them my life story. They were polite and did not interrupt, so I stopped in mid-life and asked them if they had any questions. And they did.

Some of their questions resulted in my babbling on a bit to try to expand on my answer, but most of the time was filled with Q&A.

A male adult asked me what I considered were the most important things that helped me to pass and I listed a bunch of things that I thought were tops in my femulation. After my workshop, I realized that I forgot to talk about attitude, which is probably as important or even more important then the things I listed.

The 90 minutes passed quickly and we were done.

I felt that I did an OK job, but most of the evaluations indicated otherwise. The evaluations ranged from fair, good, very good, to excellent with the vast majority in the very good and excellent range. Some of the evaluations contained suggestions for improvement and I will definitely incorporate the suggestions if I do a workshop again.

Here are some of the comments I received on the evaluation forms that made my day:

"She seems to be a lovely person."

"Great job!"

"I thought it was very eye opening... you don't have to be gay to cross-dress."

"I loved your expression! I think your really pretty as a woman!"

"I really liked how you explained everything, you made it very clear."

"Staci was very relatable, easy to talk to."

"I think you did a great job: I like that you went into real-life things that happened to you, not just facts."

"I felt very educated after. Staci was very willing to talk about anything with us. She was very open."

"Don't ever stop dressing so beautiful."

"Having a crossdresser as a speaker helps because they know what they go through and what its like."

"Staci was very honest in sharing her story - 'tricks of the trade.'"

"You rock!"

One comment bothered me: that I have issues with transsexuals because I referred to one as a "he."

The thing is that I am very careful with my pronouns and don't recall using "he" when I referred to a transsexual. Maybe a "he" slipped out, but I sure don't recall it happening during my workshop. If I did, I apologize for my error.

After our day at UCONN, we drove to Outback and met Diana for dinner. Nobody paid us much mind except the people in the booth across from us, who became very animated when they saw us three beautiful women. I was so tired by then, that I could care less!

It was a great day and I hope I will be able to do it again next year.

tomorrow

I am very excited about my day out en femme tomorrow. I don't do too many full days en femme, so tomorrow will be something special.

Stay tuned for a full report after the fact.

runs in the family

the feminine voice

Friday, I will be out en femme most of the day.

My friend Patty and I will take a short roadtrip to my alma mater, the University of Connecticut, to do workshops at the True Colors Conference for school-aged GLBT youth and their adult supporters and/or facilitators (parents, teachers, guidance counselors, social workers, etc.).

My workshop is "Body Image and Male-to-Female Crossdressing." Basically, I will be doing an extended solo version of what I do for outreach

In addition to the workshop, I will be manning the table for my support group, Connecticut Outreach Society (COS). After the workshops, Patty, Diana, and I plan to dine somewhere on the way home.

It will be nostalgic visiting my old campus; it will be my first visit since I graduated in 1973 and also my first visit there en femme. And, coincidentally, lunch for the conference will be served in my old dormitory.

To make my day even more interesting, I plan to use a female voice throughout the day instead of relying on my natural soft-spoken male voice to do my en femme speaking for me. I have been practicing my female voice for a long time now and it is time to let her out.

I have balked at using a female voice in the past because I felt silly when I did use it. Isn't that ridiculous? I am a guy dressed from head to toe like a woman, fully made up wearing a wig, woman's jewelry, perfume, etc., walking like a woman, using female mannerisms, etc. and all that did not make me feel silly, but using a feminine voice did.

Maybe there is more to it than that.

Using a female voice is just about the last step I can take in becoming a woman without hormones, surgery, permanent body modification, etc. Maybe using a male voice while en femme is the last link to my natal gender and subconsciously, I am afraid of breaking that link and admitting that I am really a woman.