easter envy

Easter is not a big holiday in my family. We hardly notice it.

It was different when I was a kid. My family were practicing Roman Catholics, so it was a big holiday for us back then.

Our usual Easter routine was Mass on Sunday morning, dinner with the whole family at my aunt's house Sunday afternoon, and an egg hunt for the kids after dinner.

In preparation for Easter, Mom would get new Easter outfits for herself and my sister. My Dad and I wore whatever suit was the most recent addition to our wardrobes.

I was jealous of my sister. She usually got a new dress, new shoes, and a new hat for Easter. My female cousins got dolled up for Easter, too, meanwhile I was stuck in a boring suit.

Saturday, I will make up for my Easter envy and get dressed to kill for my support group's annual banquet. I can't wait!

the funny thing about black men in dresses

Why do black comedians like Tyler Perry, Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence don plus-size pantyhose and parade around as their feisty grandmas?

Read why here.

catwalk

I wish I lived in the Bay Area to participate in this event!

CATWALK, a new elite modeling competition that caters to the Transgender Community (male to female). The time has come for a modeling competition that embodies, class, beauty, style, fashion at its best! Its’ purpose is to encourage and empower the TG community to excel in the fast evolving world of fashion and unique marketing.

CATWALK, represent a new outlook for the transgender community. As the TG community is rapidly growing, empowerment, advocacy and leadership is instilled in this competition to secure proper representation of what the new TG community represents.

CATWALK corresponds to a cause! It is an event that responds to the HIV/AIDS epidemic and offers assistance unconditionally to serve the greater human race.

CATWALK symbolizes excitement, drama, pride, fun, movement, arts, delight, progrH style, evolution, pleasure, fashion, compassion, people, community and YOU!

Here is the CATWALK Web site.

Friday Q and A

During my True Colors workshop on Friday, folks asked a lot of questions.

Some were the same or similar to ones I have answered before.

Some were new and here are the ones that I remember:

Q: The way you move your hands and gesture is very feminine. Are you doing that intentionally?

A: It is not intentional.

I gestured while answering the question and suddenly became aware that my hand gestures were indeed feminine, which gave me pause.

I know that consciously, I am not acting any differently en femme and en homme. Maybe my subconscious is responsible for my feminine mannerisms.

Maybe it is context, i.e., I am acting the same en femme and en homme, but when I am en femme, those mannerisms look more feminine because I am dressed from head-to-toe like a woman. I recall crossdressing for a Halloween party in college and an acquaintance who knew me in boy mode, said that while crossdressed, he noticed that my mannerisms were the same when I was in boy mode, but that they were definitely feminine.

Maybe my mannerisms are feminine en femme and en homme, which would explain why I have been called a "fairy," "faggot," "twinkie," etc.


Q: Do you buy your clothes in a "big" women's store?

A: Not necessarily. I am a size 16 or 18 above the waist and a size 14 or 16 below the waist, so sometimes I find clothes that fit in the "Misses" section and sometimes in the "Women's" section.

Q: Are you happy with your male body image?

A: Yes


Q: What would you do if you could do it over again?

A: I would live 24/7 as a woman without hormones and surgery, but I would have electrolysis.


Q: Do you ever feel that you are really a female?

A: No was my quick reply, but on reflection, when I am en femme, sometimes I feel that I am really a female.

Friday fotos

Here are two photos from my Friday out en femme (click on the photos to enlarge them).

Here I am staffing my support group's table at the True Colors Conference.








Hanging out in the UCONN Student Union just like I did when I attended the university back in the 1970s except now I am dressed very differently.

fond of new found nails

Back in December, I mentioned that Revlon discontinued their Maximum Speed line of pre-glued stick-on nails, which I wore whenever I went out en femme. I stocked up on Max Speedies via eBay, but my supply is dwindling, so I have been searching for a replacement.

I think I have found it: Kiss Broadway pre-glued nails.

Kiss has a wider selection of pre-glued stick-on nails than Revlon ever had and the package that I bought has wider nails, too. I compared the largest Revlon nail with the largest Kiss nail and the Kiss nail is noticeably wider, which is a godsend to girls like us with larger than the average female fingers.

I have not worn my Kiss nails out yet, so I don't know how well they stay on. However, I plan to wear them to our annual banquet on the 29th and I will report back then.

yesterday

Yesterday, I participated in the True Colors Conference for school-aged GLBT youth and their adult supporters and/or facilitators (parents, teachers, guidance counselors, social workers, etc).

The day started early. I was up at 5 AM in order to be en femme and at the conference on the UCONN campus by 10 AM. The trip was about 90 minutes long, which included a 25-minute trip to my friend Patty's house to give her a ride to the conference. We arrived on campus at 9:15 AM.

On the way up, I demonstrated my female voice to Patty. She said it sounded "forced." I decided that I needed more practice and put my female voice back in the box.

First thing after we arrived at UCONN, we walked to Jorgensen Auditorium to pick up our Presenter packages. Everyone I encountered used the correct pronouns. So far, so good.

My schedule was to man staff my support group's booth until about 2:30 PM, then walk to the classroom where I would do my workshop, "Body Image and Male-to-Female Crossdressing."

We found my support group's table in the Student Union and I introduced myself to Nicole, who would be manning staffing the table with me.

I went to the women's restroom to freshen up. While in the restroom, a young woman complimented my outfit. She especially liked the belted look.

The morning was uneventful. Some people stopped at our table for information; mostly adults (school counselors and such), who were new to dealing with trans-children in their schools.

We broke for lunch and ate at the Student Union food court. I had Chinese food. The two female food servers used the correct pronouns with me, but I think the female cashier used "sir." It was noisy and it was hard to hear her, so I am not 100% sure about her "sir."

After lunch, I went to the restroom to powder my nose. On the way back to our table, a woman stopped me. She said she was manning staffing a table across the room from our table and she thought my smile was "so engaging." I turned red with embarrassment and thanked her for the kind words.

The afternoon was more of the same. Most memorable was one young male who came to our table. He was very nervous and hardly spoke. We tried to encourage him to speak freely, he was amongst friends, but he could not, so we loaded him down with our hand-outs and hoped that would help. (I so saw myself in his shoes when I was his age.)

As the time for my workshop approached, I started getting nervous. My main concern was that I had no idea what kind of audience I would face.

When it was time to go, I got my things together to walk to the Math & Science Building where my workshop was to be. As I left, I passed the table where the woman who complimented me was sitting. I smiled at her and she said, "Keep on smiling."

It was a long walk. It was actually only two city blocks long, but my feet were killing me. I specifically picked my shoes for a long day because in the past, I was able to wear them for long stints without a problem, but yesterday, they were killing my feet. Go figure!

I arrived at the classroom about ten minutes early and there were already about ten students in the class. I am terrible at guessing ages, but I think their ages ranged from late teens to the early twenties.

By the time I started my workshop, I had about 20 people in my workshop; 15 or so were student-aged and 5 or so were adults. (At the end, I received 17 evaluation forms, so either my headcount guesstimate was high or a few people did not fill out an evaluation form.)

I started off telling everyone to jump in with questions at anytime. I would rather try and answer their specific questions, rather then have them listen to me babble on about something they did not want to hear.

I proceeded to babble on for about 20 minutes or so telling them my life story. They were polite and did not interrupt, so I stopped in mid-life and asked them if they had any questions. And they did.

Some of their questions resulted in my babbling on a bit to try to expand on my answer, but most of the time was filled with Q&A.

A male adult asked me what I considered were the most important things that helped me to pass and I listed a bunch of things that I thought were tops in my femulation. After my workshop, I realized that I forgot to talk about attitude, which is probably as important or even more important then the things I listed.

The 90 minutes passed quickly and we were done.

I felt that I did an OK job, but most of the evaluations indicated otherwise. The evaluations ranged from fair, good, very good, to excellent with the vast majority in the very good and excellent range. Some of the evaluations contained suggestions for improvement and I will definitely incorporate the suggestions if I do a workshop again.

Here are some of the comments I received on the evaluation forms that made my day:

"She seems to be a lovely person."

"Great job!"

"I thought it was very eye opening... you don't have to be gay to cross-dress."

"I loved your expression! I think your really pretty as a woman!"

"I really liked how you explained everything, you made it very clear."

"Staci was very relatable, easy to talk to."

"I think you did a great job: I like that you went into real-life things that happened to you, not just facts."

"I felt very educated after. Staci was very willing to talk about anything with us. She was very open."

"Don't ever stop dressing so beautiful."

"Having a crossdresser as a speaker helps because they know what they go through and what its like."

"Staci was very honest in sharing her story - 'tricks of the trade.'"

"You rock!"

One comment bothered me: that I have issues with transsexuals because I referred to one as a "he."

The thing is that I am very careful with my pronouns and don't recall using "he" when I referred to a transsexual. Maybe a "he" slipped out, but I sure don't recall it happening during my workshop. If I did, I apologize for my error.

After our day at UCONN, we drove to Outback and met Diana for dinner. Nobody paid us much mind except the people in the booth across from us, who became very animated when they saw us three beautiful women. I was so tired by then, that I could care less!

It was a great day and I hope I will be able to do it again next year.

tomorrow

I am very excited about my day out en femme tomorrow. I don't do too many full days en femme, so tomorrow will be something special.

Stay tuned for a full report after the fact.

runs in the family

the feminine voice

Friday, I will be out en femme most of the day.

My friend Patty and I will take a short roadtrip to my alma mater, the University of Connecticut, to do workshops at the True Colors Conference for school-aged GLBT youth and their adult supporters and/or facilitators (parents, teachers, guidance counselors, social workers, etc.).

My workshop is "Body Image and Male-to-Female Crossdressing." Basically, I will be doing an extended solo version of what I do for outreach

In addition to the workshop, I will be manning the table for my support group, Connecticut Outreach Society (COS). After the workshops, Patty, Diana, and I plan to dine somewhere on the way home.

It will be nostalgic visiting my old campus; it will be my first visit since I graduated in 1973 and also my first visit there en femme. And, coincidentally, lunch for the conference will be served in my old dormitory.

To make my day even more interesting, I plan to use a female voice throughout the day instead of relying on my natural soft-spoken male voice to do my en femme speaking for me. I have been practicing my female voice for a long time now and it is time to let her out.

I have balked at using a female voice in the past because I felt silly when I did use it. Isn't that ridiculous? I am a guy dressed from head to toe like a woman, fully made up wearing a wig, woman's jewelry, perfume, etc., walking like a woman, using female mannerisms, etc. and all that did not make me feel silly, but using a feminine voice did.

Maybe there is more to it than that.

Using a female voice is just about the last step I can take in becoming a woman without hormones, surgery, permanent body modification, etc. Maybe using a male voice while en femme is the last link to my natal gender and subconsciously, I am afraid of breaking that link and admitting that I am really a woman.

Are You A Boy or Are You A Girl?

After I added today's Femulate This photo to the blog, the lyrics of this 1965 hit by The Barbarians popped into my head.

Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?
With your long blond hair you look like a girl
Yeah, you look like a girl
You may be a boy, hey, you look like a girl

You're either a girl or you come from Liverpool
Yeah, Liverpool
You can dog like a female monkey, but you swim like a stone
Yeah, a rolling stone
You may be a boy, hey, you look like a girl
Hey! Aw!

Hey!
You're always wearing skin tight pants and boys wear pants
But in your skin tight pants you look like a girl
Yeah, you look like a girl
You may be a boy, hey, you look like a girl
Hey!

Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?
With your long blond hair you look like a girl
Yeah, you look like a girl
You may be a boy, hey, you look like a girl
Hey!
Yeah, you look like a girl, hey!
Yeah, you look like a girl, hey!
Yeah, you look like a girl, hey!
Yeah, you look like a girl, hey!

to die for

Up late last night nursing a tummy ache and surfing the television to find something to watch, I happened upon a 1995 film, To Die For, starring my favorite tallest actress, Nicole Kidman. I had not seen the film in years and as I watched it, I recalled why I liked it so much.

The story is very interesting and include a couple of twists. The whole cast does an excellent job.

In addition, Nicole is absolutely gorgeous. Her hair and makeup are perfect, and the outfits she wears are to die for. I would like to add every dress and suit she wore to my collection!

transitioning from 56 to 57

Today I am 56. Tomorrow I will be 57.

Dunno why, but for the first time in my life, adding a year is bothering me. Maybe it's because 57 is getting so very close to 60, which is a bellwether year to me, i.e., in my mind, 60 meant that you were as old as dirt. And to add to my trepidation about approaching 60, I can't forget that my Dad died when he was 66.

On the other hand, I don't feel, act, or look as old as dirt. Almost everyone I know who is my age is on some kind of prescription for some kind of health issue, while I am not.

En femme, I look younger than my actual age. In the guess my age poll I conducted here in January, 75% of the voters thought I looked younger than my actual age and over half (52%) thought I looked ten years younger than I really am.

Maybe the solution is to go full-time, i.e., be en femme 24/7 and thereby cut 10 years off my apparent age.

love the grape

Refinery29 enumerates the top looks and trends from Paris and Milan Fashion weeks.

Personally, I love the grape!

hard work

Being a woman is hard work.

Being a man being a woman is hard work, too... maybe even harder than a woman being a woman.

Women have a head start with regards to looking like a woman. Their prep time is nothing compared to my prep time. I guess if I was a man being a woman 24/7, my prep time would not be as bad, but it still would be worse than a real woman's prep time.

There's the hair. My prep involves removing a lot and adding not so much. And even a close shave with a new razor still finds me smearing on beard cover to camouflage my face.

There's the body. How many real women have to squeeze into a corset, girdle, and long-line bra to achieve some semblance of a female body? If I want a figure that is at all feminine, I need all that equipment and then there's the matter of hiding some equipment, too.

And there is no equipment that will reduce my Amazonian 6'2" to a Venusian 5'7". Yeah, I know if I didn't wear high heels that might help, but would it? At 6'2", I am taller than 99% of the female population, so what difference will another 3 or 4 inches make (other than make me feel less gorgeous)!

Being a man being a woman is definitely hard work, but I would not give it up for anything! As Oscar Hammerstein II once wrote, "I enjoy being a girl."

"We Like To Be Feminine. So We Don't Wear The Pants"

From TVNewser comes this tidbit:

"The Fox & Friends crew... were immersed in a discussion about pantsuits and Sen. Hillary Clinton when it came time to throw to Ainsley Earhardt who was handling news reader duties.

"Co-anchor Brian Kilmeade asked Earhardt if she ever wore pantsuits herself, and she said she had, but, 'Here at Fox, we like to be feminine. So we don't wear the pants.' Kilmeade wanted to make sure he wasn't misunderstood, though — he is firmly against pantsuits. 'If I was to run for office, I'd run on the pro-skirt platform,' he said."

How many shoes are too many shoes?

This article addresses the question, "Can a woman have too many shoes?"

"According to a recent study by ShopSmart magazine, the average American woman owns 19 pairs of shoes, with 15% of women owning 30 or more pairs."

How do I (a male-to-female crossdresser) compare?

Last count, I own 55 pairs, so that puts me ahead of the majority of women.

vintage crossdressing (1915)

vintage crossdressing (circa 1955)

a night among the girls

Wednesday, I went out en femme to do outreach, dine, and attend my support group's monthly Wednesday night meeting.

I wore a my new "heather charcoal" sweater-knit dress, gray tights, black 3½” high heel platform pumps, silver jewelry, and favorite wig. I thought I looked very nice (see my photo from yesterday's blog).

My first stop was St. Joseph College in West Hartford to do outreach for a Human Sexuality class with three transsexual women (Deja, Diana, and Gina). We each gave a short biography and then took questions from the class.

It was a large class, all female with approximately 10% asking questions. The question and answer session lasted 90 minutes. I don't recall any unique questions coming my way, but during the session, I discovered a new (to me) possible reason for my desire to crossdress: hormones.

The question that led to this had something to do with what changes the transsexuals experienced after taking hormones. One transwoman mentioned that before taking hormones, viewing a movie like Love Story had no effect, but after taking hormones, she cried like a baby viewing such a film. The other two transwomen agreed that they experienced the same change.

In response, I said that I never took hormones, but all my life, I cried viewing a movie like Love Story (but not Love Story itself, which I absolutely hate).

The professor suggested that perhaps I should be tested by an endocrinologist. I assume he was inferring that maybe I had an imbalance in hormones, i.e., too many female hormones and/or not enough male hormones. If that is true then it might explain other things… like my feminine breasts and my feminine traits.

Since puberty, my breasts have resembled a female's breasts rather than a male's and are able to fully fill an A cup bra and nearly fill a B cup.

And since forever, I have had feminine mannerisms. I never affected feminine mannerisms; they are natural to me, but they must be more feminine than masculine because in my youth, my mannerisms caused me to be called "fairy," "faggot," etc. And as an adult, people who know me en homme and en femme say that I am the same person with the same mannerisms in either mode. Go figure!

After the class, a group of students approached me and mentioned that they felt sorry for me because I am so sad! (I have heard this comment before during other outreaches.)

I did not think I was sad, but I guess my bio is kind of sad in that I admitted that I'd like to go out en femme more often, but I don't in deference to my wife.

On a happier note, one student commented that my outfit was "cute." That made my day until another student stopped by to say, "You are so pretty!" She was very pretty herself and I was stunned by her compliment.

After outreach, we four went to a nearby diner (Gold Roc) to dine. I have eaten there before and they have always treated me like a lady. Wednesday night was no exception.

Like most diners, they have a huge selection that is reasonably priced and hugely portioned. I ordered a three-egg omelet and finished only half of it. Wearing a corset limits my intake; I call it my "crossdressing diet."

During dinner, Gina asked me if I was done with my electrolysis. To her surprise, I told her I never had electrolysis. (I guess my close shave and beard cover was working real well on Wednesday!)

After dinner, we four moved on to the meeting of the Connecticut Outreach Society (COS). There were about 15 in attendance to hear the owner of Glamour Boutique talk about his store and product line. It was not a formal presentation, but rather a very informal talk.

There were some new faces (to me) in attendance. Although, I did not know them, some knew me through my writings and COS newsletter editing.

By 9:30 PM, I was very tired, exited, and drove home to end my day en femme.

out en femme yesterday

This is how I looked before I went out en femme yesterday. Stay tuned for the rest of the story.

out en femme this afternoon and evening

I will be out en femme this afternoon and evening. My outing will include outreach at Saint Joseph College in West Hartford, followed by dinner, and my support group's monthly Wednesday meeting.

Tomorrow (or later), I will have a full report for you here maybe with a photo or two.

Free Chubby Style Book

When I was a youngster, I wore "husky" sizes in boy mode, but I preferred to wear "chubby" sizes in girl mode.

my ephemera update

I added a new postcard to My Ephemera Web page. An eBay acquisition, the postcard is from The Beige Room in San Francisco. It is not postmarked or dated, but it looks to be circa 1960.

Academy Awards fashion review

I watched about two-thirds of the Academy Awards telecast last night. I also watched about 90 minutes of the red carpet telecasts before the actual award show telecast.

I was not too impressed with the evening gowns worn by the stars. In my opinion, most of the gowns were just average, but there were a few stand-outs (Jennifer Garner, Anne Hathaway, Katherine Heigl) and one exceptional gown worn by Marion Cotillard. In addition to looking outstanding, she won the best actress award for her work in La Vie En Rose.

Unlike previous awards show, I saw no crossdressers last night, although Katherine Heigl's makeup looked like a novice crossdresser had applied it because she had on too much blush.

fashionista alert

The Academy Awards are tonight. The telecast begins at 8 PM EST, but there will also be telecasts of the stars arriving on the red carpet beforehand.

I watch the show to see the gals in evening gowns. Maybe this year, a trans-woman or two will show up in gowns, too!

drawing to crossdress

I drew a lot when I was a youngster, teenager, and college student. I think I used drawing as an outlet for my desire to crossdress because a lot of my drawings had crossdressing themes.

Drawing took a back seat in my life after I graduated from school and began pursuing a career.

I drew a few cartoons and pictures for my daughter when she was a youngster to entertain her, but it was nothing serious.

Last fall, my daughter encouraged me to take up drawing again and she dragged me to an art supply store where I bought some drawing supplies (pencils, pens, erasers, sketchpad, etc.). They sat on my desk unused until today.

Inspired by the artwork that J Morgetron sent me, I spent about an hour before dinner drawing the picture you see here. It is a self-portrait with a crossdressing theme.

It is not bad considering it is the first serious thing I have drawn in over 30 years. It even looks a little like me en femme!

prize arrives

A few weeks ago, I won a contest on J Morgetron's blog, Tres Bizarre.

The prize arrived today and I love it! J Morgetron did the artwork herself and it's theme is the reason I swear by my pot of orange beard cover.

J also sent along a story buk, Xingu by Edith Wharton, with a personalized inscription that I will cherish.

vintage crossdressing (circa 1903)

Arthur and Horace out en femme on the boardwalk, circa 1903.

fame and fortune... but not so much fortune

I received an e-mail from Diana yesterday informing me that this posting from my blog was reprinted in the newsletter of The Sunshine Club, a trans support group located in Hadley, Mass.

As occasional editor of my support group's newsletter, I have often reprinted postings from my blog, but this is the first time another support group has done so.

I don't mind; in fact, I am honored, but I just wish they had informed me that they were going to reprint it because I would have missed it if Diana had not alerted me!

My Favorite Mistake: Michael Musto On How Cross-Dressing Cost Him An Ad Campaign

"Women's clothes are always more fun than men's. And there was a picture in the article of me in this big hoop dress. But not looking female at all, I mean, I wasn't in drag, I was just standing there with my bicycle, in a hoop dress, looking kind of clownish."

Read it all here.

I need a thin red belt

Not exactly separated at birth, but certainly similar fashion sense, that's me on the left and Leighton Meester on the right. (Miss Meester is a TV star; I am just a TV.)

first transgender rally in Northampton, Mass.

NORTHAMPTON - Already the site of one of the region's oldest and biggest gay pride marches, Northampton is about to become home of the first transgender march in the eastern United States.

The New England Transgender March and Rally, which is scheduled for June 7, will feature speakers and entertainers from across the spectrum of the transgender community and is expected to draw participants from across the country.

Read the rest of the story here.

some people hate us (and that's why I do outreach)

Sara Whitman wrote this in her blog today:

"I have no words for how I feel today. Not only was a 15-year-old boy shot in the back of the head by someone who hated him because he was gay, because he was not masculine, because he wore jewelry and makeup, but also a 10-year-old boy hung himself in England.

"He wanted to be a girl. He wanted to wear his sister's clothes and makeup. His mother let him wear girl's underwear but told him he'd have to wait till he was older to wear makeup."

Read the rest of this sad commentary here.

India's cross-dressing Oprah

Rose (just Rose) is now India's first trans-gender talk-show host. Her show, "Ippadikku Rose" ("Yours, Rose") will be broadcast to up to 64 million people in the southern state of Tamil Nadu later this month. It is, according to the New York Times, "expected to cause a sensation."

Read the rest of the amazing story here

And read more here.

playing with dolls

I don't recall playing with dolls much when I was a youngster.

The baby dolls that girls played with back then did not interest me. I was interested in more creative playthings like drawing, cutting, and gluing, so I occasionally cut out paper dolls and created original outfits for the dolls to wear.

Barbie and the other fashion dolls showed up at the tail-end of my time as a youngster, i.e, about the time I stopped dressing paper dolls and started dressing myself in my mother's and sister's apparel.

Anyway, surfing the Internet, I discovered a Web site of online virtual paper dolls. Scissors are not required. Instead, you dress the doll of your choice by clicking on then and dragging items of apparel over the doll.

There is a huge collection of dolls to dress, but the one that caught my eye was the "boys dressing like girls" paper doll. I tried it and enjoyed mixing and matching apparel to put together some cool outfits for the boy to wear.

The boy doll is rather pretty for a male, so when you add a wig, girl apparel, and jewelry, he passes very well!

Enjoy!

plans en femme

I am looking forward to a late afternoon and evening en femme one week from today.

First stop is Saint Joseph College in West Hartford, CT. I will be doing outreach at a human sexuality class with three other transwomen. The other three identify as transsexual (one post-op, two-pre-op); I am the token crossdresser.

Second stop will be dinner at a yet-to-be-determined restaurant in the Hartford area. The restaurant is yet-to-be-determined because it depends on who shows up for outreach and who wants to go where to eat after outreach. (I'm easy. I like all kinds of cuisine, so I will go anywhere.)

Third stop will be a visit to my support group's monthly Wednesday meeting. The meeting agenda will feature a representative from Glamour Boutique, who will talk about their store and product line.

Whenever I attend my support group's meetings, I feel like one of those people who goes to church once a year (usually on Palm Sunday to get free palms)! My last support group visit was Halloween 2006.

What would Staci do?

A few days ago, Meg sent the following e-mail:

"I'm going to go out (alone) for the second time tomorrow. I'm not sure I handle interactions with other people well. I assume they know that I'm just a 'Girl For A Day' and I say something to make sure that they know that I know that they know.

"But should I just assume that I pass perfectly and they don't notice that the voice doesn't match the outfit very well? I'm afraid that might make them uncomfortable about what to say (just in case I'm really a girl with a guy's voice, not a guy with a girl's wardrobe).

"What would Staci do?"

In the past when I went out, I waited for the people I interacted with to give me a clue that they knew I was a guy (because I wanted to know if I was passing successfully as a woman). If I did not get a clue, I often tried to give them a clue and sometimes I would just flat out say I was a guy.

Half the time, they were clueless and were surprised that I was a guy and not a gal.

The other half of the time, I was clueless and after I clued them in, I discovered that they already knew, but were accommodating me for one reason or another. Maybe they were being nice and respected my desire to be treated as a woman. If they were a salesperson, maybe they were patronizing me, i.e., they were trying to make a sale and did not want to lose the sale by acknowledging that they knew I was a guy.

After I realized this, I decided to go along with the flow and accept (and enjoy) the fact that I was being treated as a woman, for whatever reason. Hopefully, I passed, but if I did or did not pass, I sure did not want to out myself by intentionally giving them clues.

I admit that I am still curious and look for clues, but as they say, "Curiosity killed the cat," so I bite my tongue and try not to give myself away.

president's day

Our nation has had 43 presidents. If the estimates are correct that 5%* of the population crossdresses, then 2.15 of our presidents have crossdressed. So I wonder which of our presidents have also been first ladies?

*I think that 5% estimate is low, but that is a discussion for another day.

my horoscope

Usually, I don't read horoscopes. But last night, while reading the new issue of Harper's Bazaar, I noticed that their horoscope page featured the horoscope for Pisces (my sign), so I read it and here is how it read:

"The expectation in the air as you anticipate a change is making you nervous, and you find yourself torn between feeling trapped by others and wanting to pursue your own agenda. You also have to decide whether you have a right to break free or need to honor your obligations. Only searching your heart can help you with this."

Wow! That is so on the money that I could not believe it. When I read it, I felt like someone knew exactly what is going on in my head. It gave me pause.

women resembling trans-sisters, part 5

Victoria Beckham resembles Lon Chaney's portrayal of the phantom of the opera.

(Women resembling trans-sisters help us real trans-sisters to blend in society. They obfuscate the line between males and females, which makes it easier for real trans-sisters to pass.)

purses in film history

Kirk Douglas carries a designer bag in the 1953 film Act of Love.

women resembling trans-sisters, part 4

Actress Danielle Darrieux looks rather masculine in this Mon Film cover photo.

(Women resembling trans-sisters help us real trans-sisters to blend in society. They obfuscate the line between males and females, which makes it easier for real trans-sisters to pass.)

miniskirts in film history

Raymond Massey wears a belted tunic and skort ensemble in the 1936 film Things To Come.

Jean Shrimptom alert!

Today's Femulate This image features drop-dead-gorgeous swingin' '60s London model Jean Shrimpton.

If written about her here before, so there is no need to repeat myself. But yesterday, I came across a stash of her images on the net and I wanted to share one with you today.

Isn't she gorgeous and how about that to-die-for suit?

Happy Valentine's Day!

just don't call me late for a shoe sale

There was a discussion on a message board about what people preferred to be called: crossdresser, transvestite, transgendered, etc.

Back in the early 1960s, when I realized that I was not your typical all-American boy, there was very little information available to the average Joe or Jo-Ann about my version of human being. I found dribs and drabs in various encyclopedia and they only referred to "transvestites" and "transsexuals," nothing else. I did not believe I was transsexual and the very idea of being surgically modified scared the bejeebers out of me, so I identified as a transvestite.

That was my story and I stuck with it for a long time.

As information became more accessible (via the Internet, magazines, support groups, etc.) I became familiar with other terms of endearment used to describe my people. I still knew that I was not a transsexual and I was confused about the definition of "transgendered," so my choices boiled down to "transvestite" and "crossdresser."

From time-to-time, I shifted between identifying as a transvestite and identifying as a crossdresser. My shifts were related to what I had most recently read or what I had most recently heard, i.e., reading or hearing somebody's theory on why you should identify as one and not as the other.

After all these years, I believe that there is no significant difference between a transvestite or a crossdresser. I will answer to either name.

I will also answer to transgendered, which I believe applies to transvestites/crossdressers and transsexuals alike.

A dear friend of mine who is studying the transgendered on a graduate level calls me a "late-life transsexual." I think that means that I am a transsexual, but that I did not recognize that fact until later in life. Maybe.

I will admit that if I had to do it over again, I might live full-time or near full-time as a woman, but the only body modification I would undergo is epilation of my face and body. No surgery for me!

Does that make me a transsexual? Perhaps, but since I am not sure, I won't apply that term to me.

Instead, I prefer the term "transwoman." It has a nice ring to it and applies to transvestites/crossdressers and transsexuals alike. I think it fits me nicely.

"The Male Ego" episode of The People's Choice

The People's Choice was an NBC television situation comedy starring Jackie Cooper and a basset hound named Cleo. The show ran from 1955 through 1958.

I saw many episodes in rerun shown during the daytime hours in the late 1950s and early 1960s. One episode, "The Male Ego," which aired originally on February 20, 1958, left an impression on me.

Here is a brief summary of that episode from the CTVA US Comedy The People's Choice episode guide.

Sock, played by Jackie Cooper, "loses the sale of a house because the prospective buyer's wife dislikes a minor detail. Convinced that women are beginning to take over the world, Sock goes to sleep and has nightmare on the subject."

The episode guide does not describe the nightmare, but I remember it. Note that I have not seen this episode in over 45 years and I only saw it once, so some of my memories may not be right on the money, but here is what I recall:

Sock's nightmare takes place in a world where the women are taking over and are in the process of acclimating men to their rule. All the women wear futuristic pants suits and they are shown forcing reluctant men to enter a transformation booth, which "refines" their personalities and their attire.

When they exit the booth, the men act effemininely and wear futuristic mini-skirt outfits. As Sock enters the booth, he seeks help from his loyal canine companion, Cleo, but she refuses to help him because Cleo is female and more loyal to the distaff side of civilization rather than her owner.

That is all I remember, but it left an indelible impression on my impressionable mind back then, just another added twist in my gender identity that began when my mother put me in a dress for my christening at age one month.

If anyone has any other details concerning this episode of The People's Choice, I would love to hear them. Or better, if anyone has a video recording of that episode, I'd love to borrow it. (I searched high and low and no recordings exist for sale or viewing anywhere I looked.)

confusion in kindergarten

Reflecting on yesterday's blog posting, I recalled this episode in my life.

I attended kindergarten during the 1956-57 school year. Back then, men were men, women were women, boys were boys, and girls were girls. I was unaware of anybody in between. They were not part of my world.

In kindergarten, there was a weekly play time that lasted for a half hour or so. You had no choice on how to use your play time. Instead, the teacher assigned you to a specific play station. As a result, you would play at a different play station with a different mix of fellow kindergarteners each play time. One time, you might be at the sandbox, another time, at the building blocks, etc.

The boys and girls were segregated at play time, so my fellow play station mates were always boys.

The play station assignments did not vary much. The same kids were at the same play stations each week. I was usually at the building block station, but occasionally I received a different assignment and one time that assignment was the dreaded house play station. Yes, I had to play house with four or five of my fellow male students!

I dreaded this assignment because in my humble opinion, playing house was a girl's game and I was not a girl. I was very surprised how my fellow male students did not mind playing house and had no problem wearing very feminine pinafore aprons and playing the Mommy role.

I don't recall how I got through it. If I had a choice, I imagine I played the Daddy role. If I had no choice and had to play a female role, maybe I played the dyke sister of one of the Mommies.

I wonder what those "male Mommies" are doing today? No matter what they are doing, I bet they would be surprised how this reluctant male Mommy turned out!

The Frill of It All

"Another Fashion Week here in New York, another frenzy. But hidden in all the hairspray, hubbub and hilarious air kisses are clues not only to what we'll be wearing next season, but what that says about us as a society right now, what we're feeling, and where we may be heading. Fashion historians have long known that clothes are just as accurate a barometer of the culture for which they're created as any political or literary histories."

Read all about it here.

Can a freer vision of girlhood survive without reimagining boyhood?

This is something I have often thought about and in my opinion, the answer is: it should not.

Read a discussion about this thought-provoking question here.

Grammy-wear

You know you are out of step with the current music scene when you have no idea who is the opening act of the Grammy awards show. She was beautiful, her gown was to-die-for, and her duet with a Frank Sinatra hologram was interesting, but who was she?

The mystery ended when she won the first award presented on the show; she was Alicia Keys. (I scoured the Internet looking for a photo of Ms. Keys in her to-die-for gown, but the best I could find is this one.)

There were other interesting outfits worn by the distaff side of the entertainment last night.

Carrie Underwood looked hot and Rihanna always shows up wearing something interesting, but there were some trashy outfits, too, outfits that this femulator would not be caught dead in (but then again, I guess I wouldn't know what I was wearing unless there really is an afterlife).

T-girl Links Updated

I made two additions to my T-Girl Links: Jess and T's our life in pink and Joanie's place.

Transfixed

Transfixed is a recent foreign film featuring male-to-female crossdressers (femulators). I rented the film and was very impressed with the high quality of femulation. The crossdressers are absolutely gorgeous and the film is worth watching just to gawk at the high art of femulation achieved in this film.

Here is the plot of the film according to Blockbuster:

"A cross-dressing man allows himself to be used as bait to trap a killer in this crime-drama. Bo Ancelin (Robinson Stevenin) is a twentysomething man from Brussels who feels most comfortable dressing and living as a woman. Some might see Bo's lifestyle as a marked contrast to that of his father, a successful and well-regarded businessman, though it seems father has some secrets of his own after no-nonsense police detective, Paul Huysmans (Richard Bohringer), arrests him on charges of child molestation.

"While Bo bears his own scars from his upbringing, he's not eager to speak against his father in court, but before long both Bo and Huysmans have bigger fish to fry -- a serial killer is walking the streets of Brussels and choosing as his favored victims prostitutes and cross-dressers.

"When two of his friends are murdered by the killer, Bo decides he must step in to help catch the killer that Huysmans hasn't yet found on his own, though Bo soon falls into a dangerous position when he falls in love with Johnny (Stephane Metzger), a sullen and street-smart hustler who helps rent-boys find profitable assignations with older women."

The photo above is actor Robinson Stevenin in Bo Ancelin drag. Early in the film, he wears a Chanel suit to die for!

I think you will enjoy the film, but be forewarned that you will have to deal with sub-titles to view the film "in English."

Suzy Parker

Laurie was the first person to correctly identify the mystery Femulate This model as Suzy Parker and as a result, Laurie will be the recipient of a "major award." (Thank you all, who participated in the contest.)

Suzy Parker was the first supermodel and made such a splash in the 1950s that she signed a movie contract. Her film and television resume includes a wide range of roles.

I first saw the gorgeous Suzy on an episode of the original Twilight Zone. The episode was called "Number 12 Looks Just Like You" and takes place in a future society, where Suzy's character chooses not to undergo a transformation, which happens to everybody at the age of nineteen and makes them beautiful and immune to disease. To undergo it, a person must choose from a limited collection of models, labeled by a number, to transform into. (In my opinion, Suzy was more beautiful than any of the models she had to choose from, so I don't blame her for balking.)

I became a fan of Suzy Parker. I actually have an autographed copy of her photo that appears above. Over the years, I have made an effort to view as many of her acting appearances as possible. She was an average actress, but she was tall (5' 10"), leggy, and beautiful, just like I wanted to be, and I relished every moment she appeared on the screen.

She married film actor Bradford Dillman, stopped modeling and acting, and died at the age of 70 in 2003.

The Beatles recorded a song named after her, which they performed in the film Let It Be.

guess the Femulate This model

Be the first to correctly identify today's Femulate This model and you will win "a major award."

Two rules: (1) only one guess per contestant and (2) you must submit your guess as a comment to this posting.

blondes have more votes again

The Wig Poll is over. The blog readers who voted preferred me in the short blonde wig rather than the long brunette wig by an overwhelming 3 to 1 ratio. There was a total of 109 votes, 85 (77%) for the blonde and 24 (22%) for the brunette.

I was surprised how many people voted! The last poll I ran here had less than half (50) the voters of this poll.

I should not be surprised that the blonde won. In my previous poll, my hair color poll, blondes came out ahead (46% voted for blonde, strawberry blonde, and platinum blonde, while 34% voted for brunette and 20% for red).

I have no plans on getting rid of the brunette wig and plan to wear it when I am in the mood. But, I am now considering getting the long brunette styled wig in a blonde shade!

coming soon to a department store near you

first anniversary

Today is the first anniversary of this blog. (Hurrah!)

I am very amazed by the growth of this blog's popularity during its first year (see the chart below).

These days, the blog averages 467 hits a day, which includes an average of 73 repeat visitors each day. Thank you for your support and for coming back!

Alice in Fashionland

Being a fashionista, I found this article about a first foray into New York Fashion Week by Cintra Wilson, interesting and amusing.

Von Furstenberg Fall 2008 collection

Since Diane von Furstenberg is the our favorite fashion designer du jour, I thought you might like to see her Fall 2008 collection, which she showed last night in NYC. Fashion Wire Daily has the story and the photos.

View the slideshow and note the hair styles on most of the models. They remind me of the styling of my long brunette wig!

wig poll

Don't forget to vote in the Wig Poll.

We are about half way through with about 3-1/4 days to go, so if you haven't voted yet, there is still time to indicate if you like me in the short blonde wig or the long brunette wig.

In the meantime, you can read what Laura wrote about the poll:

"I voted for the brown wig. Then saw the poll that said more people chose the blonde and was asked if I wanted to change my vote. It's my opinion that the two are both very nice, but more important and to the issue is the fact that you look passable in either -- not swishy-fem in a sissy sort of way, but in a respectable classic beauty way. I think you'd look good in a babushka.

"The two looks are two very different looks. While the blond wig makes you look more like the women of your age, many women do prefer longer, prettier hair. (Frankly, I've never met a man who preferred short hair on a women he liked.)

"I like the brown, longer hair look because it gives you a more elegant look -- much more of a Diane von Furstenberg elegance. It's my opinion that if you want to blend into the background and be less noticed, wear the blonde wig. However, I think you'll feel more like a women with longer hair. As Diane said, 'Want to fell like a women? Wear a dress.' I think it is so with the hair too. 'want to feel like a women, wear longer, prettier hair.'"

vintage crossdressing (circa 1952)

let's make-up

I received an e-mail from a femulator, who is having problems with her makeup regime. She has bought books on the subject and visited Web sites to hone her makeup skills, but she complains that the "experts" are often in disagreement about how to apply makeup. She asked me for help.

I made two suggestions.

Experiment.

If the experts disagree, try doing it each way that they recommend. Then see what works best for you and incorporate that into your makeup routine. (I have been at it seriously for over 20 years and I still experiment with my routine. If I find something new that may work for me, I try it. If it works, great; if not, I chalk it up to experience.)

Get made over.

You can read books, visit Web sites, and watch videos on makeup application, but nothing beats getting a makeover. When you get a makeover, the cosmetician will do her magic on you (and not some model in a book or video), so whatever she does will be specific to you. And you can ask questions to your heart's content.

Getting a makeover may be easier said, than done. I live in a very open-minded part of the USA and I have never been turned down when I sought a makeover, whether it was in a small local salon or a big franchise store in the mall.

Your mileage may vary depending on where you live. If you live in the country, head for the city, specifically a mall near a city. In my experience, M•A•C and Sephora are franchise makeup stores located in many malls that will makeover femulators without hesitation. (For what it's worth, my best makeover experience was at Sephora in the West Farms Mall in West Hartford, CT.)

wig poll

I am torn between two wigs. Some people prefer me in my short blonde wig; others prefer my long brunette wig.

What do you think? Vote in my Wig Poll and help me decide.

orange

I received an e-mail asking why I recommend orange beard cover and not some other color.

Because...

Blue is the color you are trying to hide when you use beard cover. To hide blue, you use blue's complementary color, which is orange. (Blue and orange are opposite each other on the color wheel.)

If you use another color of beard cover, it may look like it is doing the job when you look in your mirror, but have your picture taken and you will still see blue in your photos. Only orange beard cover gets rid of the blues in both your mirror and your photos.

my kind of pageant

Pageant is a new documentary about contestants competing in the Miss Gay America beauty pageant. It is "my kind of pageant" because the "contest is about the art of illusion, so hormones and surgical body enhancements are forbidden."

(I can do that!)

According to the film's Web site, "The movie follows 5 of the most talented and beautiful female impersonators as they prepare to dominate in this underground competition. Hear from the men as well as from those in their entourage: husbands, mothers, sons, and little brothers.

I watched the movie's trailer on the Web site and I would love to see this film, but I doubt it will be playing at the local movie house any time soon. Hopefully, it will be available on DVD eventually and then I will be able to see it.

planning ahead

My support group (Connecticut Outreach Society) has their annual awards dinner on March 29.

This is probably the biggest T-event in the state and typically draws 50 to 70 T-people each year. The event includes a cocktail hour, sit-down dinner, awards presentation, Moonhawk River Stone as an after-dinner speaker, follies, and dancing with a DJ spinning the CDs (both kinds) until midnight.

I have not missed this event in years. I actually was chairlady for this event for three years. It was a lot of work, but it was very rewarding.

I already have my outfit for the event (a dress "to die for" from Victoria's Secret) and as in the past, I will lip-sync a song in the annual follies. I am not sure what song I am going to do yet.

I always have a great time at the banquet and look forward to it again this year.

I am thinking about going to the Chicago Be-All in May. Lately, the Be-All has gotten a reputation as being one of the best, if not the best T-event in the USA and I would sure like to see it for myself.

It is a long day's drive to Chicago, but I am used to driving long distances and prefer to drive if I can because then I can bring everything I need for the better part of a week en femme. I don't know how I would manage to pack if I flew!

50,000 customers served

Just 8 days short of this blog's first anniversary, the hit counter hit 50,000 this afternoon!

Screen Actors Guild awards show

Due to the writers' strike, there has been a dearth of awards shows this winter, but last night, TNT and TBS broadcasted the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) awards.

I watch awards show because I am a fashionista and a film and television fan. For a change, many of my favorite shows won prizes including "The Sopranos," Tony Soprano (James Gandolfini), Mrs. Tony Soprano (Edie Falco), "The Office", Tina Fey, and Alec Baldwin. (Lately, my favorite television shows are "30 Rock", "The Office," and "The Sopranos." Fey and Baldwin appear on "30 Rock").

On the fashionista front, there were some knockout gowns to die for. Marion Cotillard, Angelina Jolie, and Rebecca Romijn were my favorites.

Also, there were a few T-moments during the show:

James Spader and William Shatner appeared in drag in a clip from "Boston Legal".

The absolutely gorgeous Rebecca Romijn mentioned that she plays a "transgender" on "Ugly Betty." This occurred at the beginning of the show when random SAG members seated briefly describe what parts they play and/or played and conclude by saying "I'm so-and-so and I'm an actor."

My favorite T-moment occurred earlier in this segment when "30 Rock" star, Jane Krakowski, explained that the best part about being an actor is that it allows you to completely transform yourself into another person. She concluded with, "I'm Johnny Depp, and I'm an actor."

vintage crossdressing (circa 1959)

vintage crossdressing (circa 1955)

I don't have much to say today, so I will share an old photo from my collection: a trio of partying crossdressers back in 1955.

beard cover

In my Top 30 Things Every Crossdressing Man Needs In His Wardrobe To Emulate A Woman, I recommended using beard cover.

I received e-mail asking what beard cover I recommend.

I use and recommend RCMA (Research Council of Make-up Artists, Inc.) BC-2. I bought it online two years ago for about $8. I checked here today and the price is now $22.

found

While looking for something else, I found a photo that was among the missing: Helen Boyd and I at the 2006 installment of the my support group's annual banquet. I was chairperson of the banquet that year and Helen was our guest speaker.

The Whitest Kids U'Know

I noticed ads for a new television show on IFC called The Whitest Kids U'Know. The ads reminded me of Monty Python Flying Circus and Kids in the Hall, i.e., a show featuring an all-male comedy team doing short comedy skits. And like Monty Python and Kid in the Hall, the female roles are often performed by males in drag.

I checked the TV schedule last night and noted an airing of The Whitest Kids U'Know at 8 PM. The listing indicated that one of the skits would be a parody of The Dating Game. I figured there was the potential for some drag in that skit, so I tuned in at 8 PM.

Sure enough, The Dating Game parody had a male in drag interviewing three potential dates. The drag was so good that initially, I thought it was a woman playing the role, not a man in drag. Nice outfit, excellent makeup, and even "her" voice was convincing, but her blonde wig was too shiny and when she frowned, she looked like a guy.

I won't go into details, but The Dating Game parody was not my cup of comedy. It was more outrageous, than funny, but the drag was worth the watch. I watched other skits on the show and in my opinion, there were some hits and misses.

I will continue to tune when I can to check out the technical aspects of the female impersonation on the show and maybe have a laugh, too.

my workshop

Yesterday, I learned that the True Colors Conference committee accepted my proposal to present a workshop at the True Color Conference in March. The conference is for school-aged GLBT youth and their adult supporters and/or facilitators (parents, teachers, guidance counselors, social workers, etc.).

The topic of my workshop is "Body Image and Male-to-Female Crossdressing."

Here is my description of my workshop:

"Body image is how we think our body looks. In some cases, our body image can be dramatically different to how our body actually appears to others. Crossdressing is the act of wearing clothing commonly associated with another gender, for example, a male dressing like a female. The potential disparity between body image and reality is very high when you add crossdressing to the mix. This workshop addresses this potential disparity and describes how to work with it."

One of the stated goals of my workshop is "To evangelize the normality of crossdressing."

I attended the conference last year for one day manning the booth that my support group sponsored. It was such a rewarding experience interacting with the kids and adults that I wanted to do more, so this year I will do more.

This year, for the first time, the conference is at the University of Connecticut, my alma mater. Last time I was in Storrs, I wore a graduation cap and gown. Who would have guessed that my next visit to Storrs, I'd be wearing a dress again!

20 years!

While reading Huffington yesterday, I noticed this headline, "Oprah Talks Masturbation," but I did not read the article that accompanied the headline.

When I arrived home after work, Oprah was on the television. I was not paying much attention to the show until there was a spot with Ben Affleck in which he admitted that he did it for 20 years!

I was quite surprised that a major film celebrity would admit that on national television, but as I stayed tuned, I realized that the topic of the show was smoking and not that other thing!

joining Hillary's team

Women are taking over.

My editor is a woman. My manager is a woman. Soon my President will be a woman.

In the not-too-distant past, men filled those positions. Now women are filling those roles and obsolescencing the men.

And it is happening everywhere in both the private and public sectors. Women are breaking through the glass ceiling and erecting new ceilings to keep men in a newfound place, i.e., reporting to women.

The women's team is on a roll and is winning big time in the war between the sexes. If you don't want to face the future as a second-class citizen, join the other team before it's too late.

Crossdressing is one way to switch teams and begin fitting into the new woman's world order. And you don't have to go full femme glam from the get go. Instead, you can ease yourself into playing for the other team.

Start with a little makeup (lip gloss and mascara) and have your hair permed and highlighted.

Replace your T-shirt and boxers with a sports bra and some figure-shaping panties.

Buy a couple of pants suits and maybe a pearl set. (While you are at the mall shopping for your new wardrobe, get your ears pierced, too.)

Knee-highs will do for now, but you must buy a pair of killer power pumps to show that you really mean business. Three-inch heels or higher will show the women that you are serious about playing on their team.

If you don't have a man bag already, buy a designer pocketbook to carry your wallet, keys. cell phone, compact, makeup, etc. because women's pants usually have no pockets, in case you didn't know. (There are a lot more things you will learn playing on the women's team.)

To show solidarity with your teammates, consider a name change. At a minimum, drop your "maiden name" and depending on whether you are married or single, use your wife or mother's surname in its place. Also, again depending on whether you are married or single, start using "Mrs." or "Ms." as your courtesy title instead of "Mr." You might even subtly womanize your first name, for example, change Danny to Danni, Stanley to Stanli, Chris to Chrissi, etc.

Nothing will get you kicked off the team faster than bad bathroom etiquette, so be sure to put the toilet seat down after you use the lady's room. Even better, get used to urinating in the seated position and give your feet a rest from wearing those killer pumps all day.

Those are the minimum requirements for playing successfully on women's team. But be alert. If you see your old golfing buddy down the street going to work in a dress, then it is time to step it up, shave your legs, and visit Lane Bryant for some additional wardrobe adjustments.