the wife problem

TGIF

By the end of the week, I sometimes run out of things to write here, but I can usually some up with something that I think is humorous. So, in lieu of brilliant prose, I will post another image that I created during my coffee break today.

I hope you enjoy the graphic images that I create and post here. I do enjoy creating them.

like father, like daughter

House votes to leave trans-people out in the cold

I want to personally thank all our "allies" and "supporters" in the House of Representatives and the GLB community for making this possible... NOT!

The House of Representatives on Wednesday passed the Employment Non-Discrimination Act but with without protections for trans-workers after more than five hours of debate, wrangling, maneuvering and lobbying.

Read the whole article to learn who are your friends and enemies.

new outreach venue

After the dust settled yesterday, it turns out that I will be doing outreach at a graduate level family therapy class at the University of Hartford on Tuesday evening. This is a new venue for me, so I am excited about it.

Most of my previous outreaches have been with undergraduate students. Next Tuesday, the students will be future school counselors, psychologists, and therapists in private practice, so I expect that the Q & A will be a few notches higher than what I usually encounter.

It should be an interesting evening!

my ephemera update

My Ephemera web page displays my collection of female impersonator postcards and paper items.

I received the following e-mail last night indicating that one of the postcards (Sammy's Bowery Follies) was not related to female impersonators, so I removed that postcard from the web page.

Hi.

I thought I'd let you know that Sammy's Bowery Follies did not have female impersonators. It had a floorshow of aging ex-vaudevillians.

Regards,

Charlie (Sammy's Grandson)

trans-parents panel

I just turned down accepted an invitation to be on a panel of trans-parents at the University of Hartford tonight next Tuesday night! I would love to do it, but there was no way I could on such short notice.

Too bad.

new look

A new wig ("Tatum" from Revlon), a new color ("rum raisin"), on old me, and, voila! I have a brand new look. What do you think?

A caveat: This is a composite photo of my head and a model modeling the wig.

Michael Gilbert

Michael Gilbert is a college professor, who is very out about his crossdressing.

Here is an excellent article about the professor (although, I don't like the title of the article) and here are my favorite quotes from the professor that appeared in the article:

"However, while I know that I cross-dress, I have no real idea of why I cross-dress. I simply know that I do. My acceptance of this part of myself, without shame or guilt, has taken a long time."

"If you're doing something and you're not sure why, why not make it into something that’s about growth and learning?"

"An obsession [rather than a 'hobby'] would be a more appropriate description. It's not as if we can choose to give it up, the way you might decide to give up golf or collecting engravings. It's not a choice, really. Nobody wakes up one day and says, 'My life isn't complicated enough. I think I'll put on women's clothes.'"

in the same boat

Yesterday, Felicia Conti posted this on GenderEvolve:

"So you can dress as an attractive female, go alone to the mall and the straight clubs, fly under the radar... But you don’t dare to interact much because of the fear of discovery of your true identity and the peril that might follow... your experiences start to seem hollow, void, empty, lacking in substance. So the thrill is gone although you spend considerable time helping others. So is this all there is for a non-transitioned, transgendered woman? And now what?"

(Please read her entire essay here.)

I often find myself in the same boat. I dress to the nines, go out, sometimes fly under the radar, sometimes not, don't interact much, and get bored with the whole thing, then wonder, "What is the point?"

I love dressing up, but unless I do something new when I am out dressed, it sometimes seems like a waste of time.

loose threads

It is another busy weekend; so busy that I do not have time to write much here or get dressed and go out en femme.

I did try on the dress from Victoria's Secret and decided to keep it. It is a very dressy dress, so I hope I get invited to a party during the holidays (hint, hint) where I can wear it.

Last night, I watched School for Seduction from beginning to almost the end. Something is wrong with the DVD that prevented me from watching the last 30 minutes of the film, but I enjoyed the film up to that point.

On a positive note, the trans character, Tony, the accountant and drag queen wannabee, was treated very nicely in the film. The female instructor and women in the class were very supportive in his desire to improve his female presentation. (I wish there were classes like that around here!)

And although the film was intended as entertainment and not instruction, I still learned a thing or two to improve my female presentation.

My only complaint about the film is that I had a hard time understanding some of the dialog because of the thick British accents of some of the characters. Sub-titles would have come in handy.

The previous post, beard cover, has the following comment from long time reader Shoshana, "Are you just joking around or can guys really look that hot.."

Yes, it was supposed to be a joke, but yes, some guys CAN look that hot. For example, browse flickr and you can find some guys who make very nice look gals. Just off the top of my head, go to flickr and look up Cindycd, Jade Catherine, Kate Salehurst, or Robyn1967 for examples of fantastic-looking females, who are actually guys. And they are just the tip of the iceberg at flickr!

beard cover

style vs. fit

The houndstooth jacket dress I ordered from Jessica London arrived yesterday.

After dinner, I took off my menswear and put on my girly underwear. When I removed the jacket dress from its package, my first impression was that the dress looked too big.

I put the dress on and it was at least one size too big (it was a size 16W). Also, it was longer than it appeared in the catalog; in the catalog, the hem of the dress was just above the knee, whereas on me, the hem covered the knee.

I tried on the jacket and it was too big, too.

Besides the wrong fit, I did not like the way the dress looked. It was matronly; something that the elder Barbara Bush would wear.

I was disappointed and will send it back for a refund.

Next, I tried on the dress from Victoria's Secret. When it arrived two days ago, I quickly slipped it on over my boy undies to see if it fit (and it did). As I wrote yesterday, "Since the dress is so expensive, I want to see how it looks and fits with my girly underwear and then decide whether to keep it or send it back."

I slipped it on and immediately slipped it off because the dress's neckline revealed the top of my bra cups and my bra straps. I switched to a bra with cups that showed more skin and with adjustable straps that can be placed wider apart on my shoulders.

I slipped it on again and now the dress's neckline only revealed skin.

The dress fit ok, but it does not "wow" me and a dress that costs $150 should wow me. I was a little disappointed, but not enough to send it back for a refund... yet.

I thought about it last night and decided to try it on again with different combinations of underwear to see if I can achieve wow-ness.* If not, it will go back for a refund on Monday.

* Another factor that affects wow-ness is whether I am wearing a wig and makeup or not. More than once, a dress that looked just OK when I tried it on sans wig and makeup, became a wow dress when I tried it on with a wig and makeup.

Day of Remembrance

November 20 is Transgender Day of Remembrance, which memorializes people killed as a result of anti-transgender hatred or prejudice.

This memorial takes place in locations throughout the world. Locally, Hartford, is the site for this event.

In past years, I have not attended. This year, my friend Diana, who is active in the Connecticut TransAdvocacy Coalition asked me to speak at the event and represent the crossdressing branch of the trans-tribe. My take is that plain, vanilla crossdressers don't usually speaking at the Hartford version of the event, but Diana feels that we should be represented.

I was honored that she asked me and I gladly accepted.

The hard part is coming up with something to say. This year's theme is "Love Tran-scends! The Importance of Allies" and I am expected to say something related to that theme for about five minutes. I could do five hours, so I will have to work on it.

dress from Vicky's

The dress I ordered last week from Victoria's Secret arrived yesterday.

I opened the box, opened the plastic bag containing the dress, removed the dress, and held it up. My first thought was that it was too small.

I stripped down to my underwear, slipped the dress on and it fit! So far, so good.

Since the dress is so expensive, I want to see how it looks and fits with my girly underwear and then decide whether to keep it or send it back. But, I did not have time to do that last night. Maybe tonight...

Halloween

I fished around for information yesterday trying to find out if anyone would be wearing a costume to work today to celebrate Halloween. The consensus was that no one would. (And, so far, no one has shown up in costume). I did not want to be the only person in costume, so I decided not to wear one either.

I am disappointed. I would have had a good time.

On the other hand, I would have had to gotten up earlier than usual to do my makeup and get dressed. Since I am still catching up from my sleep-deprived World Series, I appreciated not getting up earlier this morning.

Addendum

I just read an excellent article titled "Coping With the Holidays" by Gianna E. Israel. I highly recommend it.

Another Addendum

Turns out that a few people did show up in costume at work today. Now, I'm sorry I didn't.

passing among the clueless

Passing is challenging.

Although I have been crossdressing since I was a young pup, I have only been going out in public on a frequent basis during the past year.

Before that, I did go out, but usually to attend support group meetings or some outing sponsored by my support group or another trans-organization. In reality, those outings were just extensions of my closet with minimal contact with the public and I did not have to worry about being read.

I had an epiphany about a year ago when I gathered up all my courage and went shopping at a local mall. One of the first things I did was go to Sephora for a makeup consultation.

During my consultation, I mentioned to the consultant that I had beard cover under my foundation and that I was wearing beard cover because I was a crossdresser. The consultant probably knew that I was a crossdresser already. She sensed my uneasiness and tried to settle me down by saying, "You only have one life to live and you should live it like you want. If someone has a problem, then it is their problem, not yours."

Those words have stuck with me ever since. Whenever I hesitate going out in public, I remember those words and they motivate me to go forward, the public be damned.

But I am still a novice going out and at a stage that when I interact with the public, I assume that I am being read (because of the closer proximity of that public). And I am waiting for them to give me a clue that they know.

Most of the time, I do not get that clue. Either the other party has no clue and I am passing or they are good at concealing the fact that they know.

I guess that instead of looking for a clue, I should just go with the flow, assume that I pass, and enjoy my time out en femme.

red

In honor of the World Champion Boston Red Sox, this week's "Femulate This" ladies will be wearing red.

GenderSAFE survey for college students

Brittney Hoffman, the GenderYOUTH coordinator at GenderPAC, is trying to get 1,000 people to fill out the GenderSAFE survey before December 1. The survey maps where colleges and universities stand on gender identity and expression issues.

If you are a college student, I urge you to complete the survey, which you can access here.

"all men want to dress up as a woman once in their lives"

"All men want to dress up as a woman once in their lives," is a remark attributed to Michael Ball, an actor playing the part of Edna Turnblad in the British production of Hairspray.

I dunno.

Speaking for myself, long ago when I was a youngster, I knew I wanted to dress up as a woman once in my life. And after I did it once, I was hooked and wanted to do it again and again and again!

But, I dunno if all men have the desire to crossdress once in their lives. In all my life, I cannot recall a single male acquaintance ever saying to me that he had a desire to don a wig, dress, makeup, and heels. On the other hand, that is not a topic males would discuss amongst themselves.

Maybe most average guys do have such thoughts and wonder how it would be to play for the other team, but being average guys, they keep such thoughts to themselves, so, who knows?

school for seduction

Last weekend while channel surfing, I came upon a British film titled School for Seduction.

I missed most of the film and normally I would have kept channel surfing except that the scene I came in on was very intriguing: a beautiful female instructor was teaching a classroom of women how to walk in a seductive manner. That caught my interest, so I stayed tuned while searching the Internet for a plot synopsis.

I found this on Blockbuster: "When an enchanting Italian temptress opens a School for Seduction in a small-town, four friends find their stagnant sex-lives taking on a whole new life in a passionate tale of love and lust."

My trans-radar is always on the alert and I quickly noticed that one of the women in the class was much taller than all the other women. A close-up of the tall woman revealed that she was wearing a wig that needed some work. I assumed she was male and further searching on the Internet confirmed my suspicions.

It was late and I started dozing off, so I went to bed. However, before I turned in, I added the film to my Blockbuster queue and the DVD should be arriving in my mailbox real soon now.

After the Red Sox game ended this morning at 12:58 AM, I was wired from watching the game, so I started channel surfing again and found School for Seduction again. Again, I came in on the middle of the film, but in an earlier scene than I came in on last week. And I learn that the crossdresser is a female impersonator honing his skills by attending the class.

A scene or two later, a group of students go to a nightclub to see the impersonator perform. He sings a torch song and the students gush over his performance with comments indicating how much the class has helped him.

I started dozing off, so I went to bed.

I look forward to watching the film from start to finish when it arrives in the mail.

Halloween plans

I am still up in the air about wearing a costume to work on Halloween.

Yesterday at work, I overheard some talk about costumes, but I was not sure they were talking about costumes to wear to work or costumes to wear other than work.

If I don't hear something more definitive on Monday, I will ask our receptionist if she is going to wear a costume, then pump her for any information she has regarding costume plans at work. Being the company receptionist, if anyone knows, she will know.

At least I have decided what I will wear if I do wear a costume. I plan to wear prostitute drag, that is, my shortest skirt, highest boots, fishnet hose, leopard top, boa, heavy makeup, big hair, etc.

I'll let you know if I go through with it as soon as I know! And there will be photos; you can count on it.

bad day en femme

the tooth of the hound

I love houndstooth, so naturally, I fell in love with this houndstooth jacket dress from Jessica London.

Jessica London sells "fashions for sizes 14W to 34W" and as a result, some of their fashions can look matronly. I don't want to dress matronly, so I am careful what I buy from Ms. London.

Before I ordered the dress, I asked my girlfriend Patty what she thought about it and it turns out that she also loves houndstooth and thinks that the dress would look great on me. That convinced me and I ordered the dress yesterday.

Patty also suggested that I accessorize with knee-high boots or red patent leather pumps and a matching red patent leather bag. I have knee-high boots, red pumps and a matching red bag, but they are not patent leather. But I think they will do.

blog review

I read all this blog's postings today (from February 6 to today). I corrected spelling, grammar, and format errors.

Also, I discovered questions embedded in the Comments that I failed to answer for one reason or another. I promise to answer all the questions I missed as soon as possible.

The Importance of Halloween

After reading this blog post, I am encouraged and may go to work in costume on Wednesday even if the company is not celebrating Halloween.

Agway vs. Victoria's Secret

Today, I went shopping at the local Agway. I bought a 40-pound bag of sunflower seed to feed my fine-feathered friends and two 40-pound bags of kitty litter for our cats. The bill came to $40.19. So, I no longer feel guilty about spending $150 for a to-die-for dress that I bought from Victoria's Secret. It was an online purchase* and an XL, so I hope it fits because XL is as big as it comes.

* By buying online, I was able to take advantage of a special $30 discount that was not available if I bought in-store. On the other hand, I do have to pay for shipping and if it doesn't fit, I have to pay to ship it back, but I am keeping my fingers crossed that it fits.

restoring our basic constitutional rights

In previous posts, I have advocated the inclusion of transgendered people in the EDNA legislation that is now stalled in the House of Representatives. The T members of GLBT need the same protection that this bill will afford the GLB members and they should not be thrown under the train to assure passage of this legislation.

Bush said he will veto this bill with or without T inclusion. And Congress lacks the votes to overturn his veto, so why are we wasting time debating this issue when there are more important issues to deal with, like restoring basic constitutional rights that Bush and his gang has stolen from us. These are rights that protect all Americans, not just GLBT Americans.

Senator Chris Dodd is fighting that battle for us, a battle that Senators Clinton and Obama are trying to dodge. Read his blog about what he is trying to do and read this blog to find out who your friends are.

I believe that our priorities should be to fight this battle first. Win back our constitutional rights and win the 2008 election. After we turn back the decider/dictator that resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, then we can fight the battle for GLBT rights (when it will be more likely to succeed ).

Halloween plans

Tonight is my support group's Halloween party, but I will skip it because it conflicts with the World Series. (I am a die-hard Red Sox fan and their appearance in a World Series is an event I will not miss.)

Halloween is actually a week away, but I have no plans except to pass treats out to the kids that show up at our door.

Mums the word at work about Halloween, so it looks like there will be no company-sanctioned Halloween celebration. I considered going to work in female costume anyway. But I don't think I have the guts to appear in costume without the company's encouragement, although I am sure a few people will appear in costume anyway.

There is still time for someone to cook something up. In past years, the engineers organized a Halloween party. So you never know, but I am not too optimistic at this late date.

design yourself stationary

Design-her Gals is a cool web site where you design an image of yourself (that's me on the right) and then you can use that image on free e-cards or personalized stationary, stickers, T-shirts, etc.

It is fun, so take a break and have some!

Monday morning quarterback

Last night, I received an e-mail from a dear friend, a genetic girl (GG), who was very upset after reading about the critique that my trans-sister gave me Thursday night, i.e., that I am "big" and that I should dress more conservatively in order to blend.

She wrote, "That's just plain rude and jealousy speaking! I admire the time, technique and pride you put into dressing en femme. You are not Transgender or Transsexual. You are a cross dresser and for someone who can not live en femme for prolonged periods of time - you put more effort than some T's and most definitely than some GG. I'm still fuming over this comment.

"Sure you're tall, so are most models. I took care of a woman a few years back that stood 6'2" at 90 and she took pride in her frame and height.

"Comments like this is what had led to the many misperceptions in body image and low self esteem. Yes, you are tall and you wear clothing that is age and height appropriate - you don't go around wearing clothing that makes you look like a 12 year old hooker in drag."

I felt a whole lot better about myself after reading and sleeping on her e-mail.

downsizing

On top, I am a size 18. On the bottom, I am a size 16 (or so I thought). When I ordered this outfit from Metrostyle, I ordered the jacket in size 18 and the skirt in size 16.

A week later, the outfit arrived. The jacket fit perfectly, but the skirt was too big!

I reordered the skirt in size 14. It arrived yesterday and fit perfectly.

Go figure!

new postcard in my online collection

I just added a "new" postcard to my ephemera page. It is a circa 1950s postcard from Club 82 in New York City.

out last night

Just wanted to quickly post a photo here from last night's outing en femme. I will have more to say about last night later today.

The Rest of the Story...

I attended the monthly Creative Cocktail Hour at Real Art Ways in Hartford last night. I arrived around 6:15, met one of my trans-sisters, and basically hung out with her until she left at 8:45.

It was the usual eclectic crowd of artists, professionals, and students, with about a half dozen trans-people in the mix. I had one drink, an apple cider martini; it was delicious and made me mellow momentarily.

At one point, my trans-sister asked me to honestly critique her ability to pass, which I did. When I was done, I asked her to do the same and she had two criticisms: that I am "big" and that I should dress more conservatively in order to blend.

I am big; no doubt about that. At 6 ft 2 inches and 200-something pounds, I stand out.

I cannot do much about my height, but if I was thinner, I might look less like a quarterback in drag. So, now my goal is to get down to 190-something pounds and if I do, I plan to reward myself by buying a dress to die for from Victoria's Secret.

Regarding my wardrobe, I thought I was appropriately dressed for the cocktail hour (see the accompanying photo and judge for your self). Admittedly, the majority of attendees were not wearing skirts or dresses, but there were other women so attired, so I was not alone.

After my trans-sister made the "big" comment, I became self-conscious about my size and noticed how I dwarfed almost everybody (both men and women) at the cocktail party, so I sat down for a while to hide my size and give my feet a break from the new 3-1/2-inch platform pumps I was wearing.

My trans-sister left, but I hung out on my own to see if I would have any success mixing with non-trans-people.

I saw a woman I knew from past cocktail hours, so I walked over to see what was up with her. She had a new motorcycle and was showing it to another woman, who I did not know. She introduced me to the other woman, who turned out to be running for the city council in a neighboring city.

The neighboring city is known for its Polish population and this woman looked Polish to me. Being Polish myself, I asked her if she was Polish because she looked Polish. She acknowledged her roots and thanked me for saying she looked Polish. We connected and talked about our Polish roots until a guy she had met earlier showed up and latched onto her.

He ignored me until it was obvious I was not going away. Finally, he introduced himself and was pleasant with me, but I did not connect with him at all. He was after her and when I realized our conversation had reached a dead end, I decided to go home and watch the rest of the Red Sox game.

I was tired anyway, so it was no loss. And I felt I had achieved something by socializing with new people who were not from the trans-tribe.

When I arrived home, my wife commented on my blonde wig. She said it was not a good color for me.

I have been thinking it is time for a change. One of the reasons I conducted my hair color poll here last month was to get feedback on what color looked best on me. Brunette came in a close second to blonde. So maybe it is time to go wig shopping.

out tonight

I will be going out en femme this evening to a cocktail hour that lasts for hours and perhaps, dinner depending on the quality and quantity of the finger food at the cocktail hour.

Since I awoke, all I have been thinking about is going out. I can hardly concentrate on my work. Well, a couple of more hours and I am out of here to go home and get ready for my outing.

more tips from Bobbi Brown

I visited Bobbi Brown's web site and found more useful information for makeup mavens (like me).

Click on the Looks & Tips link near the top of the page and it reveals a pull-down menu of helpful items.

Select 10-Step Beauty Guide from the pull-down menu and a new window appears that allows you to click through the steps of doing your makeup the Bobbi Brown way.

They say a picture's worth a thousand words. Well, in my opinion, a video is worth a million words and on the right side of the page is another menu that includes four how-to videos you can view online (how to apply concealer, foundation, lip makeup, and mascara).

All good stuff! Explore the rest of the site and you will find even more.

tips from Bobbi Brown

Bobbi Brown is a famous makeup artist. Today, I discovered that Bobbi is a female!

Before I was aware of Bobbi Brown, the makeup artist, I was aware of Bobby Brown, the singer, who was married to Whitney Houston. For awhile, I thought Bobbi Brown and Bobby Brown were the same person, but eventually I sorted that out, but I still mistakenly thought that they were both male.

My error was due to the fact that I never saw Bobbi Brown's name in print, nor did I ever see a photo or video of Bobbi. I only heard her name mentioned on television or radio, so I was not aware of the feminine spelling of Bobbi.

Today, I read an article about Bobbi Brown and I realized the error of my ways.

The article contains Bobbi's five beauty tips:

1. Plump – use two moisturisers, maybe a hydrating one and a balm.

2. Brighten - concealer under the eyes will brighten and make you look less tired.

3. Smooth – foundation or tinted moisturiser will help to even out the skin tone.

4. Define – liner and mascara will define the eyes. Also use a brow pencil and lip-liner.

5. Pop – this means colour, add a little to your cheeks and to your lips.

For what it's worth, I already follow all five of Bobbi Brown's tips except the first. I do use a moisturizer, but I don't use two moisturizers. When I get ready to go out en femme tomorrow, I will try two and see if it makes a difference.

out of my closet

writing trans-fiction

I write for a living. All of it is non-fiction, eight hours a day, five days a week.

When I was a young girly-boy, I wrote a lot of fiction. My favorite topic was nuclear war apocalypses. My grammar school teachers must have worried about me!

As I progressed through grammar school, high school, college, and beyond, I abandoned fiction for non-fiction because that was what my studies required.

The last piece of fiction I completed was a short story about a young couple and their experiences attending the original Woodstock rock festival. It was based on my experience attending that festival and my story won first prize in a writing competition at my college.

Out of school, my first real job was writing about radio technology. You can't get much more technical than that. I made a name for myself in that field and became a big frog in a small pond. To sustain myself, I just kept on writing non-fiction.

Since I was immersed in technology on a daily basis, I joined the online world early on dialing up bulletin boards, CompuServe, and later, the Internet.

The online world gave me an education about the transgendered world. Going in, I knew I was not the only girly-boy in the world, but I had no idea that I had so many sisters. One thing led to another and by means of the online world, I found a local support group, which nudged me out of my closet and out into the real world en femme.

Exploring the online transgendered world, I also discovered transgendered fiction. Over the years, I have read a lot of it and I still frequent Storysite and Fictionmania.

Some transgendered fiction is good and there are some real gems out there, too, but a lot of it is junk... poorly written, poorly structured, unrealistic, etc. I thought to myself that I could do better than that. And I've tried.

Over the years, I have started a truckload of stories, but have never finished one! (I almost completed one, but I lost it in the great hard disk crash of '29.)

Anyway, my goal is to finish one this month and post for your reading pleasure on National Crossdresser's Day.

Wish me luck.

Two for the Road

Two for the Road, a 1967 film starring Audrey Hepburn and Albert Finney was on the telly yesterday. I have not seen it in years and upon seeing it again, I recalled that it used to be one of my favorite films. After watching it again, it is back on my list of favorite films.

Audrey Hepburn was at her peak in this film. She was never more beautiful and in this film, she wears so many different outfits that it makes a fashionista's head spin. (I want to be Audrey Hepburn when I grow up.)

The fashions are just icing on the cake. The film is an intelligent romantic comedy and was nominated for a number of awards including an Oscar nomination for "Best Writing, Story and Screenplay."

It is well worth a look.

605

Yesterday, the hit counter was incremented 605 times... an all-time high for a single day!

Amazing!

october outings

There are two and potentially three outings en femme for me coming up this month.

Thursday, I will be attending the monthly cocktail party at Real Art Ways in Hartford. I will likely dine out before the party in a restaurant yet to be determined.

Wednesday, October 24, is my support group's Halloween party. I have no idea what to wear!

Then, there is Wednesday, October 31, the real Halloween...

There is a rumor going around at work that there might be some "official company" Halloween festivities that day. If so, I will likely appear in costume... en femme, of course. If not, I might appear in en femme anyway because there are some free spirits that always show up in costume, so I might as well join in on the fun!

shoe buying frenzy

Like many women, I love shoes.

Since Payless is having their BOGO sale (Buy One, Get One half off), I decided to stop by the local Payless store during lunch and see what they had in my size (11W in Payless's sizes).

To tell you the truth, I did not have high hopes of finding anything. I've stopped at this particular Payless store a number of times and seldom buy anything there because they never have much in my size.

I entered the store, turned down the aisle where the woman's sizes end and the men's sizes begin and I was shocked. The rack was full of size 11Ws, as well as 11s, which sometimes fit me depending on the style of shoe. I selected six to try on and bought the four illustrated here. I almost bought all six, but decided to control myself.Joy Baby Doll Pump - Sweet, yet undeniably sexy, this patent pump features a baby doll mary jane upper strap and a 3" wrapped heel. Insole is lightly padded for comfort.Tara Boot - The Tara features a nice mix of polished faux leather and buttery soft faux suede. The back of the shaft stretches for fit, while the vamp features a stylish pointed toe. Three pewter buttons adorn the shaft, which zips up for convenience. The heel measures 2½” and the insole is padded for comfort.Johanna Platform Pump - This trendy menswear pump features a 3½” heel and a stylish round toe. Faux suede upper.Kami Dress Pump - This tailored pump with patent piping and bow accent is perfect for work or play. Features cute round toe and 3" wrapped heel.

The descriptions above are from the Payless web site.

The Joy Baby Doll Pump is my favorite and I was lucky to get it because it was discontinued and there was only one pair left!

Why the T in LGBT is here to stay

Transgender people are not beggars at the civil rights table set by gay and lesbian activists. They are integral to the struggle for gender freedom for all.

coming out

Today is National Coming Out Day for the GLBT community.

I have no plans to come out today, but coincidentally, I did write about my hero/heroine, Grayson Perry yesterday. She is my hero/heroine because she is a public personality (like me), who happens to be a crossdresser (like me) and is very out about it (unlike me).

My good friend Anonymous left the following comment to that blog posting: "Two words: Jan Morris."

I assume that Anonymous was inferring that since Jan Morris and I are both writers that Ms. Morris should be my hero rather than Ms. Perry, who is an artist.

I replied that there is a difference.

Yes, like me, Jan Morris is a writer, but unlike me, Jan Morris is a post-op transsexual, i.e., he/she had sex reassignment surgery and now lives 24/7 as a woman. I, on the other hand, am a crossdresser and have no interest in having sex reassignment surgery.

I have considered coming out as a crossdresser in my writing world... sort of run it up the flagpole and see who salutes and who burns down the flagpole. It certainly would spice up my life. Maybe I'll do it soon, maybe never, but it is something to think about.

By the way, I highly recommend this interview with Grayson Perry. In the interview, she expresses a lot of my thoughts exactly.

a happy couple

the hits just keep on coming

The hit count for this blog has been averaging over 300 hits per day for about a month. During the past week, the average crept up to over 400 hits per day. Yesterday, the hit count broke 500 for the first time!

I'm amazed!

my hero/heroine

Grayson Perry is an award-winning English artist, best known for ceramic vases. In 2003, Grayson won the Turner Prize, which is an annual British prize presented to deserving visual artists.

Grayson is out and usually appears in public en femme. (That is Grayson in the photo on the right at the opening of an art exhibition in London back in February.) I give him/her a lot of credit for that.

I am a writer and a crossdresser, but my writing life and crossdressing life do not cross paths (except for here). It has often crossed my mind to come out as a crossdresser in my writing world.

Initially, it would probably shock a lot of people and I may lose some friends and acquaintances, who are transphobic. But, it might open up a whole new world of opportunities for me as a writer. It certainly would be liberating and would spice up my life a bit, too!

dreaming again

I watched a movie called Wild Hogs last night. It was a comedy with very few laughs and overall, it was a disappointment.

The plot involves four middle-aged suburbanites, who decide to take a break from their usual routine and drive cross country on motorcycles.

During their roadtrip, they stop at a bar that houses a real motorcycle gang, who do not take kindly to the suburbanites posing as bikers. One thing leads to another and the "real bikers" spend the rest of the movie chasing the "posers" in order to do bodily harm to them.

I went to bed after the movie ended.

During the night, I dreamed I was modeling en femme in the fashion show with the same group of guys and gals I modeled with last month. But instead of modeling in a diverse local Connecticut bar, we modeled in the biker bar from the movie!

As luck would have it, we were very good and passed with flying colors. The motorcycle gang ogled us and made their intentions clear that they wanted to do us like a man does a woman.

We hightailed it out of there just as the gang discovered that we were really crossdressers and as a result, wanted to do bodily harm to us (or worse).

Then, I woke up.

long weekend

It was a long and busy weekend and I did not have time to publish a new post here. Dinner with friends on Saturday, family reunion on Sunday, a day at the casino on Monday, and I am almost glad to be back at work today to rest!

No femulating this weekend, but I thought about femulating. And I have decided that the casino would be a great place to femulate in the future. Do a little gambling, shop at the stores in the casino's mall, and dine at one of the array of restaurants at the casino... I think it would be nice day out en femme.

male female models

Urban legend says that some of the fashion models wearing female finery on the catwalks of the fashion world are actually males.

It makes sense. Fashion models are supposed to be tall, leggy, thin, and have no figure to speak of just like many males (and few females), so why not use males?

Trying to determine which female fashion models, if any, are actually male has been a futile endeavor. The fashion houses don't want their customers to know that males are modeling their gowns and dresses and the models don't want the public to know the truth either.

In my quest to find the truth, I recently came across the following give and take on Yahoo! Answers.

Richard Lynch asked, "Im (sic) a crossdresser and want to become a model. Are there any places which would consider taking a crossdressing guy, like myself, and helping them with a modelling career?"

ScubaDude answered, "Actually, yes there is. The problem is you need to live in Italy though. I understand that over 50% of those extreme high fashion Italian models are actually men. There are even some designers who will ONLY hire transgendered men to show their clothing because of their height, angular facial bones, higher foreheads and longer arms and legs."

I don't know how true this is, but it is one of the few leads I have been able to find.

The photos above and below are a random selection of models appearing in recent fashion shows in Milan, Italy. If the story is true, chances are that two of these models are male!

some good news on TV for a change

TV Landscape Changing for Transgender Characters

The portrayal of transgender characters on television these days seems to be sort of a glass-is-either-half-empty-or-half-full situation.

new outfit

I did some online shopping en femme today. I bought the jacket, skirt, and cami that you see in the accompanying photo.

I hope it looks half as good on me as it does on the model!

my dwelling

I have been a crossdresser for about 45 years and I often wonder how much time I have spent dwelling on crossdressing, i.e., not actually crossdressing, but rather thinking, reading, dreaming, etc. about crossdressing. I am sure it is many hours.

If I dwelled on crossdressing for only one hour per day, that comes out to be 16,436 hours over 45 years. Those 16,436 hours equal 685 days, which is just two months shy of two years dwelling on crossdressing!

That number is likely on the low side because some days I dwell on crossdressing for much longer than one hour. (I recall days when I dwelled on crossdressing all day long.) On the other hand, there are very few days when I don't dwell on crossdressing at all. So the total time I have dwelled on crossdressing is easily way over two years.

What a waste! Just think about what I could have accomplished if I didn't have crossdressing on my mind interfering with my work, my play, my life.

I wonder what if I crossdressed everyday, 24/7 or something close to 24/7. Would I stop dwelling on crossdressing and accomplish something with that newly freed time?

I know when I spend a day en femme and get over the initial thrill of being crossdressed that I stop thinking about crossdressing and get on with my day even though it is a day en femme. If I lived full-time en femme, would I accomplish more in my life?

I would sure like to find out, but I think it will be something I'll never know.

20,000 readers served

Midday yesterday, the hit counter on this 8-month-old blog passed the 20,000 mark. Thank you for reading and returning to read some more!

Coincidentally, the odometer on my 6-month-old car passed the 10,000 mark.

May my hit counter speed up and my odometer slow down!

do-over

Trans Victory in Delay of U.S. Employee Non-Discrimination Bill

In an apparent victory for LGBT activists and their supporters, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi [D-Calif.] postponed final debate on an amended Employment Non-Discrimination Act. The bill has come in for criticism from gay organizations because it does not include transgender-specific protections.

Bill Clinton, First Lady

The cover story of this week's issue of New York Magazine is titled "Bill Clinton, First Lady." I have not read the story yet, but I love the cover, which features the former President and possible future First Lady in Jackie Kennedy drag.

letter to Congressman Barney Frank

Read this excellent letter to Congressman Barney Frank regarding his bailing on the transgender community.

doldrums

I am in the crossdressing doldrums.

For the past two or three days, my interest in crossdressing has been very low. I don't know why and I don't know how long it will last.

I have these doldrums about once or twice a year. I am sure they will pass and soon I will be looking forward to an opportunity to pass.

And so it goes.

it's about time!!!

I received the following by e-mail from Dru Levasseur (drulevasseur@hotmail.com):

Hello everyone,

You are receiving this email because I need your leadership and your voice in organizing the area's first ever Transgender Pride March and Rally in 2008. It's time to bring the transgender communities in the western Massachusetts, southern Vermont, and Connecticut areas together and have a day of celebration and organizing.

Why?

Because it's not enough to be "included" in the Gay Pride Parades. Because the Transgender Day of Remembrance should not be the only time we get together and have a community rally. Because we have important trans-inclusive legislation pending in Connecticut and Massachusetts that we need to pass to protect ourselves.

I'm counting on you to forward this email to all trans-related groups in the area, including all five colleges queer/trans groups, East Coast Female to Male Group, Unity of the Pioneer Valley, TREE, Twenty Club, Sunshine Club, Brattleboro Trans Group, MTPC, and any organizations or groups that I missed.

The first organizational meeting is on NOVEMBER 1, 2007, 7pm-9pm
Media Education Foundation
60 Masonic Street
Northampton, Massachusetts 01060

In solidarity,

Dru

GUTLESS: Nancy Pelosi, George Miller, Barney Frank, & Tammy Baldwin

House cuts transgender people from hate crimes bill

Even as the Senate passed a hate crimes bill sought for a decade by gays and lesbians, House Democratic leaders decided Thursday to strip transgender people from another long-languishing civil rights bill, generating dismay in the gay community and furious but fruitless lobbying for more time.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi of San Francisco and Reps. George Miller, D-Martinez, Barney Frank, D-Mass., and Tammy Baldwin, D-Wis., believe they lack the votes in the Democrat-controlled House to pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act if it includes gender identity along with sexual orientation as a prohibited ground for firing an employee.

Oddly enough, the hate crimes bill that passed the Senate Thursday includes transgender people and won 60-39, the supermajority necessary to beat a Republican filibuster. All 49 Senate Democrats voted for it, along with two independents and nine Republicans.

Read the whole story here.

1000 words

it's too hot!

We planned to go to the Big E today, but it's just too hot!

It is also too hot to wear a wig, makeup, and a girdle!

most popular photos

There is a feature on flickr that ranks your most popular photos by the number of times people have viewed a photo, the number of times that people have dubbed a particular photo one of their "favorites," and the number of comments that people have left about a particular photo.

Those three categories (views, favorites, and comments) are simple statistical counts.

Flickr also has a category called "interestingness" and I have no idea how they calculate it. According to flickr's own blog, "interestingness is a ranking algorithm based on user behavior around the photos taking into account some obvious things like how many users add the photo to their favorites and some subtle things like the relationship between the person who uploaded the photo and the people who are commenting (plus a whole bunch of secret sauce)."

Go figure!

Anyway, as of today, here are my most popular photos on flickr.

Interestingness

Why this photo is considered to be most interesting stumps me! I admit it is a good photo and I look OK in it, but there are other photos that are just as good, if not better in my humble opinion.















Views and Favorites

This photo is ranked as having the most views (7288) and as being named a "favorite" by other people (27). It is not a very good photo. My eyes are half-closed and I am not looking at the camera, but show a little leg and I guess that does the trick. By the way, my second most popular photo in these two categories is also a leggy shot: me posing in my Playboy bunny Halloween costume.















Comments

This photo has received the most comments (12) and it is one of my favorite photos, so there will be no arguments from me!

fall break

I am on vacation this week, so I may not be posting as often as I usually do.

I do hope to have one day out in girl mode this week and if I do get out, you can expect me to post some new tales here real soon now.

my friend Robyn

Pic1
Originally uploaded by Robyn1967

Out of the blue, I received a flickr e-mail informing me that someone on flickr named "Robyn1967" had dubbed me as one of their Contacts. The e-mail asked if I would like to dub Robyn1967 as one of my Contacts, too.

I get these new Contact e-mails about four or five times per week and when I do, I check out the person's flickr profile to decide whether to make them my Contact, too.

When I arrived at Robyn1967's flickr profile, I was surprised. Most of my Contacts are other crossdressers; very few are genetic woman. It was obvious from her photos that Robyn1967 was a genetic woman; so I thought, until I started reading her photo captions.

I was "Wow'd." Her photos were wonderful and her story was fascinating. Among other things, Robyn lived and worked as a woman, which is one of my unfulfilled dreams.

I quickly added Robyn as a Contact and made plans to read her blog bio later.

Out of the blue, I received an e-mail from Robyn. She thanked me for reciprocating Contact-wise, then complimented my flickr photos. "You look REAL, sis, which from me is the ultimate compliment in that area." Boy, I'll say!

I dropped everything and read Robyn's bio. I found that we had a lot in common, not only the usual crossdresser life experience stuff, but other things crossdressing and non-crossdressing related.

We exchanged more e-mails and upgraded each other's status from Contact to Friend. I hope this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. I highly recommend viewing her photos and reading her story.

arms too long or sleeves too short

I ran some errands during lunch in boy mode. My errands took me to the mall. The Torrid store where I bought my outfits for the fashion show is in the mall. I had photos from the fashion show that I wanted to show them to Jo, the manager of the store, who was so helpful when I picked out the outfits to model.

Entering the store, I did not see the Jo, but another saleswoman, Tiffany, greeted me. I asked for Jo, but she was on another assignment. I explained I had photos to show Jo and Tiffany seemed interested, so I asked if she wanted to see them. She did.

She gushed over the photos and told me when Jo would be back so that I could show her the photos, too.

Since I was in the store, I asked what was new and Tiffany showed me a plaid belted coat to die for. I tried it on, but my arms are too long or the coat sleeves too short. Too bad... I would have bought the coat on the spot.

international audience

I use StatCounter to provide the number of "Hits" that appears in the counter (at the lower right corner of this page) and to log real-time detailed web statistics.

I check the statistics everyday and it is interesting to see the international audience of this blog. For example, during the past 24 hours, this blog had visitors from the following countries: Algeria, Australia, Austria, Belgium, Canada, Finland, Germany, Hong Kong, Iraq, Ireland, Italy, Japan, Mexico, Nepal, Netherlands, Poland, Portugal, Puerto Rico, Republic of Korea, Singapore, Slovakia, Spain, Sri Lanka, Switzerland, Ukraine, United Kingdom, and United States.

I was a little surprised to see war-torn Iraq in the list!

ten minutes with Rebecca Romijn

Rebecca Romijn is one of my faves. I enjoy her acting and love the way she looks. (She is 5'11" tall; if I were 20 years younger, I'd be femulating her.)

Currently, Ms. Romijn plays a post-op male-to-female transsexual on the ABC television series Ugly Betty.

Today, GayWired.com has an interesting story about Ms. Romijn and her portrayal of a transwoman on Ugly Betty. Here is the link to the story titled Ten Minutes with Rebecca Romijn.

our female admirers redux

Yesterday, I wondered why women are often very enthusiastic when they encounter a crossdresser that is not their spouse or SO.

After posting yesterday's blog entry, I searched the Internet for answers and found an excellent article on the Gender Evolve web site, which is an excellent site for male-to-female transwomen.

The article is called What do Genetic Women really think about us? If you read the article, also read the comments after the article; they are well worth reading.

our female admirers

I understand why a spouse or significant other (SO) would not embrace crossdressing by their partner. Among other things, she may feel that her man is less of a man if he crossdresses.

I don't understand why the other women are often very enthusiastic when they encounter a crossdresser that is not their spouse or SO (not that there is anything wrong with that).

I frequently encounter other women who gush over my crossdressing. Believe me, I love their appreciation for what I am doing, but I am at a loss as to the reason for their appreciation.

Maybe some of the women who gush over crossdressers get some satisfaction from the fact that a member of the so-called "dominant sex" is trying to emulate a member of the so-called "weaker sex." ("Welcome to our club.")

Maybe some women admire crossdressers for being true to themselves.

I dunno. It's just another conundrum in a long line of conundrums that crossdressers encounter.

fashion show redux

I just reread the blog posting that I wrote Saturday morning after the fashion show and fixed the spelling and grammatical errors that I missed because of the cobwebs that were in my head when I wrote it.

That blog posting sounds like I am bragging, but I really did receive a lot of nice comments about my appearance Friday night and that makes me feel good about my en femme self. There is too much guilt and self-hatred among transpeople and I just want to spread the word that a transperson can also feel great about herself; how can you not help feeling great about yourself when you receive compliments! Friday night, I felt good about myself... real good!

Other random thoughts about Friday night...

The shoes I wore were surprisingly comfortable despite their 4-3/4-inch heels. I could not wear them while driving my car to and from the event because it was impossible and probably dangerous to manipulate the brake, clutch, and gas pedals wearing those shoes (I wore more sensible high heels for the trip), but I wore them all night at the fashion show and was not hobbled like I have been by shorter high heels.

I live in the boonies and don't have many neighbors. As a result, except for silver/gray SUVs (they all look alike to me), I recognize the vehicles my neighbors drive and I am sure they recognize my Subaru (it's the only green vehicle in the neighborhood).

Friday night, as I drove away from home on my way to the fashion show, I recognized a vehicle coming from the opposite direction. Due to its darkened windshield, I could not see the driver, but I am sure whoever was driving recognized my car, but I wonder if they recognized the driver. If the wife was driving, she might ask me about it because I often run into her walking her dog when I walk our dogs.

I met a young woman at the show, who has the same name as my daughter except that she spells it differently than my daughter, who was named after Halley's Comet. Turns out they are the same age, too, born only 9 days apart. Small world!

more fashion show photos

Here is an article that includes more photos from the fashion show.

fashion show photos

Here are 53 photos from the fashion show I modeled in last night including two of me:

product recommendations

I am an Avon lady, so I get a chance to try the beauty products that Avon sells.

Avon just came out with a new mascara called Uplifting. I tried it for the first time yesterday and I think it is the best mascara product I have ever used (and I have used a lot of mascara over the years). Uplifting goes on smoothly and the applicator separates the eyelashes so that the lashes do not stick together. Even after multiple applications, the lashes remain separated.

Also, I recommend an Avon lipstick that is new, but not brand new. It is called Glazewear. I tried it for the first time yesterday and I like it because it has a gloss like lip gloss without having to use a lip gloss and the gloss is not overpowering like some lip glosses.

random thoughts regarding last night

Last night, I modeled two outfits in a fundraiser fashion show sponsored by the Connecticut TransAdvocacy Coalition and Love Makes A Family.

The event took place in the bar of Tommy's Restaurant in Middletown, CT. The bar itself stretched the length of the building. Next to the bar were two rows of tables. There was also a deck at the rear of the building.

We were supposed to model by walking down the aisle between the tables, up the aisle next to the bar, then outside on the deck. There were three marks where we were supposed to stop briefly to let everyone get a better look at what we were wearing.

By show time, the place was packed. It was so crowded that it was difficult to get through the crowd. I practiced walking like a model for weeks, but it was all for naught because I could only walk a few steps, then I would have to slow down or stop to negotiate around people blocking the path. I never saw the second mark and the third mark was blocked each time I modeled. The crowd was enthusiastic and cheered us on, but I was disappointed in the set-up that we models had to endure.

I wore two outfits, but I only have photos of one to show you. The photos of the second outfit are too poor. Other people were taking photos of the event and perhaps, I will show up in one of those.

It was an interesting crowd. The majority were women. The minority were male or transpeople.

I had some interesting conversations with some of the women. They were all very friendly. Four or five complimented my nails. They thought they were acrylics that I had done in a nail shop. Actually, my nails are the pre-glued press-on nails that Revlon sells (their "Maximum Speed" brand). They take about five minutes to put on, look great, and usually stay on until I want to take them off (by soaking my hands in warm water).

I also received a lot of compliments about my overall look. "Gorgeous," "fabulous," "I love it," and "you were the best" were words that I recall.

Both my outfits had revealing necklines, so I had to have something to reveal. In the past, I've taped my breasts to simulate cleavage. However, no matter what kind of tape I used, there was always slippage and my cleavage would fade away as time marched on. And when I removed the tape, I almost always tore some of my skin.

Years ago, I bought a specialty bra for women like me. Instead of cups like a normal bra, this bra has pads that you position on the outer side of each breast, then when you hook the bra, the pads press the breasts together to create cleavage. You wear a low cut real bra over that with your favorite choice of breast forms. The concept is good, but the slippage was worse than with tape.

I thought about how to improve that bra and came up with the idea to use spirit gum to prevent slippage. I tried it for the first time yesterday. I applied spirit gum on each breast in the area where they mated with the pads to cause the pads stick to my breasts and, voila! there was no slippage. I had more cleavage than anyone else in that bar and it lasted all night long!

I met a couple (women), who complimented me (they said I was the "best" in the fashion show). They were both tall. One was actually 6'2" (same as me) and she told me that she is afraid to wear heels because she is so tall. I encouraged her to showcase her long legs with a pair of heels, but she did not seem convinced.

That's all I have for now. Maybe I will have additional thoughts after I get the cobwebs out of my head.

tonight

Tonight, I will be modeling in the Busted! trans fashion show.

I am so not ready!

I practiced the walk and I think I have that down pat.

I lost weight, so now I am anorexic thin like your typical catwalk model. Not quite, but I did drop some weight and am thinner than I have been in over a year.

But I have a slight case of stage fright.

The show received publicity in Hartford Courant, so there is likely to be a good turnout of strangers!

In the past, I have lipsynched en femme at my support group's annual banquet, but that was in front of a crowd composed mostly of forgiving friends and acquaintances. Tonight, the crowd will mostly be strangers, the general public. In other words, this will be my first public performance.

I am scaring myself just writing this! So, I will stop now, get through a half-day of work, then go home to get ready for the show.

Wish me luck!

banner

At the bottom of this page is a banner that I put together yesterday. The banner reads, "Go out often en femme... then so will other men."

The point of the banner is to encourage more crossdressers to go out en femme and to go out often and, as a result, crossdressing will become more common, more accepted, and other crossdressers will drop their inhibitions and go out en femme, too.

The thing is, I am not satisfied with the wording. I played with a lot of words and phrases trying to come up with something catchy. I came up with something, but I am not too sure it is catchy.

If you have any comments or suggestions about the banner, please leave a comment below or e-mail me.

are we there yet?

Almost 50 years ago, the following statement appeared in Exotique, Number 34, "Public acceptance of men in female dress may not be in the distant future and may be closer than we imagine."

Are we there yet?

Not completely, but it's getting better all the time.

Over 25 years ago, I encountered my first crossdresser out in public near my home in a western Connecticut suburb. A crossdresser was exiting a grocery store as I was entering.

Some of the customers and workers in the store were all aflutter over the appearance of the crossdresser. Some were amused and some were bemused. I remember one cashier commenting on the crossdresser's big feet in too small a shoe.

Twenty-five years later, I don't believe that a crossdresser appearing in public would have the same effect. A few people might be amused or bemused, but the majority of people would likely just accept the crossdresser's appearance and go on with their day.

In the last 25 years, the media has made crossdressing more familiar to the general public. Sure, the general public thinks that we all are crossdressers like the girls that appear on Jerry Springer, but at least they are familiar with our tribe and are less likely to overreact when they see us.

Also, the younger generations are more accepting of diversity than the older generations. I walk the campuses of colleges when I do outreach and seldom does anyone bat an eye and the students I encounter in the classes where I do outreach are usually sympathetic and very supportive.

So, the more we get out there, the more the general public will get accustomed to seeing us out there. So, get out there!

shopping en femme

Next to dining out en femme, my next favorite thing to do is to shop en femme.

Shopping en femme is actually more "exciting" then dining en femme.

When you dine en femme, once you are seated in the restaurant, you blend into the background and are ignored by the other diners most of the time.

When you shop en femme, you are much more visible than when you are seated in a restaurant. You are visible most of the time you are in a store. If you are tall, you are even more visible while you browse in a store. You can't sit down like you can in a restaurant to disguise your height. You are out there for all to see.

If you are shopping in a mall, you are also visible as you move from store to store... even more so than when you are in a store. In a store, only the other shoppers and workers in the store can see you and they may not care or notice because they are concentrating on shopping and working. Whereas in the byways of a mall, you encounter shoppers and non-shoppers like senior citizens and teenagers killing time by people-watching.

Personally, I have found that female senior citizens are more troublesome than teenagers. On more than one occasion, I have encountered female senior citizens that were just plain rude when they figured out I was a male en femme. On the other hand, the teenagers were cooler than their senior counterparts. That is my experience; your mileage may vary.

Below is a list of stores where I have recently shopped en femme without any issues, i.e., the store staff treated me like any other customer and did not seem to mind that I was en femme.

In some cases, the staff made a special effort to treat me nicely. Asterisks (***) follow those stores that made an extra effort.

Connecticut

Ann Taylor Loft, 500 Westfarms Mall, Farmington
Fashion Bug, Queens Plaza, 861 Queen St., Southington
JCPenney, Westfield Shoppingtown, 470 Lewis Ave, Meriden ***
L'Oreal Paris, 500 Westfarms Mall, Farmington ***
M·A·C, 500 Westfarms Mall, Farmington
M·A·C (Macy's), Westfield Shoppingtown, 470 Lewis Av., Meriden
Macy's, 500 Westfarms Mall, Farmington
Nordstrom, 500 Westfarms Mall, Farmington
Payless Shoesource, Queens Plaza, 837 Queen St., Southington
Sephora, 500 Westfarms Mall, Farmington ***
Talbots, 500 Westfarms Mall, Farmington ***
Tonkin's Wigs, 481 Wolcott St., Waterbury ***
Torrid, Westfield Shoppingtown, 470 Lewis Ave, Meriden ***

my ISP ate my e-mail

My ISP ate my e-mail last night and I did not receive any e-mail when I first checked this morning.

The problem seems to have gone away and I am starting to receive e-mail again, but I fear that I lost some overnight. So, if you sent anything to me between 10 PM last night and 10 AM this morning, please resend it because I did not receive it.

videos

There are lots of femulation-related videos on YouTube. Some of it is junk, i.e., poorly photographed, poorly lighted, poorly thought out, but there are some very good videos, too.

IMHO, here is one of the best: The Transformation

nervous and excited

Five days until the fashion show and now the excitement and nervousness is building! I am excited because this is something new for me that I always wanted to do, but I am also getting a little stage fright.

I lost 8 pounds in preparation for the show and I will probably lose a few more before Friday. As a result, my face lost its puffiness and the outfits I will be modeling look better on my slightly slimmer bod.

I began the process of hair removal today. Both outfits I will be modeling have revealing necklines, so I shaved my boobs and underarms today. I will revisit them on Friday and also use Nair on my arms and legs to free them of hair.

I hope it is cooler on Friday than it has been the last few days. The forecast calls for highs in the high 70s and lows in the mid 60s, which is an improvement. I hope the forecast turns out to be accurate.

free to be whatever you want to be

Rapper/actor Mos Def was a guest panelist on Real Time With Bill Maher on HBO last night. During a discussion about freedom in the USA, Mos remarked that in the United States that you are free to be whatever you want to be; "I could be a girl if I want," he said.

Yes, indeed!

one week until the big show

In one week, I will be modeling in my first fashion show. Fashionista that I am, I am looking forward to the event.

I am off this afternoon and plan to accessorize the two outfits I will be modeling and make sure that everything is just so.

I will be bringing my camera to the event and hope to convince someone to take a million shots of me strutting down the catwalk. So, I hope I will have some photos to share with you here.

And I hope that some of you will be able to attend to cheer me on and support a worthy cause.

dining out en femme

Dining at a restaurant en femme is an enjoyable way to crossdress in public. Besides attending support group meetings, dining was how I went out en femme for the first time and I recommend it as a relatively easy way for the newbie to go out en femme.

In all my years dining out en femme, rarely have I had issues with the restaurant staff and only occasionally have I noticed other diners acting in an untoward manner.

Below is a list of restaurants where I have recently dined en femme without any issues, i.e., the restaurant staff treated me like any other customer and did not seem to mind that I was en femme.

In some cases, the restaurant staff made a special effort to treat me like a lady, i.e., they addressed me as "Miss" or "Ma'am." Asterisks (***) follow those restaurants that made an extra effort.

Connecticut

Bertucci's Brick Oven Ristorante, 330 N. Main St., West Hartford
City Steam Brewery Café, 942 Main St., Hartford
Coyote Flaco, 635 New Britain Ave, Hartford ***
Delaney's Grille & Taproom, 864 Whalley Ave, New Haven ***
Elbow Room, 986 Farmington Ave, West Hartford
Gold Roc Diner, 61 Kane St, West Hartford
Pond House Café, 1555 Asylum Ave., West Hartford
Ruby Tuesday, 500 Westfarms Mall Farmington
Simsbury 1820 House, 731 Hopmeadow St, Simsbury
Tuscany Grill, 100 College St, Middletown
Vito's by the Park, 26 Trumbull St., Hartford

Massachusetts

Legal Seafoods, 1400 Worcester St, Natick

Ohio

Uno Chicago Grill, 126 North Main St, Dayton ***

conferencing

Over the years, I have attended four trans conferences: First Event three times and the IFGE Convention one time; so I am no expert, but these are the reasons why I have attended and continue to attend:

• When I was going out en femme only to attend my support group's meetings, the conferences provided me with an opportunity to go out en femme a little further. Having the run of the hotel hosting the conference was liberating; so liberating that I even dared to go out beyond the hotel to shop and dine. Doing so, I discovered that I passed most of the time/I was not read most of the time.

• Being a fashionista, I attend any seminars dealing with makeup, fashion, deportment, speech, i.e., anything that will help improve my passing abilities. I had a Jim Bridges' makeover at my first conference and although the results were over the top, I learned more about makeup application in that 60 minutes than I had in all my years up to that time. After that one makeover, my makeup skills improved by a quantum leap.

• I attend other seminars that promise to be interesting. Some turn out to be duds and some are better than promised. You never know.

• There is usually one dinner per event that allows me to wear something glamorous (an evening gown or cocktail dress) and I love to dress glamorously.

• Hobnobbing with other trans people is a big attraction for me. Making new acquaintances and renewing old acquaintances is always fun and very interesting. Interestingly, I find myself being a lot more outgoing than I usually am in boy mode. This is not always a good thing.

Last time I attended First Event, I arrived late Friday afternoon and wanted to register as soon as I arrived because I thought the registration desk was going to close soon. So I headed straight to the floor where the conference was occurring. I was still dressed in boy mode, while my mind was already in girl mode. A transwoman got on the elevator with me and without thinking, I blurted out, "Are you having a good time?" As soon as I spoke, I realized that I might have freaked her out and sure enough, she seemed uneasy. I felt so bad and I immediately explained to her that I was a crossdresser, too. She still seemed uneasy and I never saw her again!

The morale of that story is that I have to cool it until I put a dress on!

don't count your chickens before they're hatched

Despite what I wrote here last week, I am not going to Fantasia Fair.

Fantasia Fair is expensive. Registration costs $550. Add another $700 (more or less) for a room for seven nights. That adds up to $1250 just for room, board (registration includes some meals), and admission to the event.

I am the sole support of a child in college and a spouse who can not work, so $1250 is too expensive for me. Forget about it!

Word arrived here in the early summer that the folks running Fantasia Fair were offering scholarships for those with financial need. Scholarships would pay for room, board, and admission. I felt I had a financial need, so I applied for a scholarship.

Time passed when the scholarship winners were to be notified. I heard nothing and assumed I had not won. It was a little letdown, but I went on with my life.

Last Monday, I received an e-mail informing me unofficially that I had been selected to receive a scholarship. It was not a full scholarship, but a "working" scholarship, i.e., I would have to spend some time working during the event.

That seemed fair and I was elated with the news. I waited to receive official notification which was supposed to arrive in a few days.

Last Thursday, I received official notification. Yes, I had won a working scholarship. But, instead of free room, board, and admission, the scholarship consisted of a $300 deduction off the registration fee and required that I work at the event. I was on my own regarding a room.

So, instead of $1250 out of pocketbook, it would cost me $950 out of pocketbook and I had to work the event. The official notification was a big letdown.

I mulled it over.

I have no idea what the work will entail. I asked, but so far, I have no answer. I surely do not want to spend the whole week working and have to pay $950 out of pocketbook!

I figured that if I had a roommate, I could cut my room cost in half and it would be $600 out of pocketbook, but that is still a far cry from $0 out of pocketbook.

Thanks for the scholarship, but no thanks. I scratched Fantasia Fair off my calendar.

blondes have more votes

My hair color poll is over. Fifty people voted on which hair color suits me best and here are the results:

platinum blonde: 1 vote (2%)

blonde: 19 votes (38%)

strawberry blonde: 3 votes (6%)

red: 10 votes (20%)

brunette: 17 votes (34%)

I am not surprised by blonde's strong showing, but I am surprised by the strong second-place showing of brunette.