nervous and excited

Five days until the fashion show and now the excitement and nervousness is building! I am excited because this is something new for me that I always wanted to do, but I am also getting a little stage fright.

I lost 8 pounds in preparation for the show and I will probably lose a few more before Friday. As a result, my face lost its puffiness and the outfits I will be modeling look better on my slightly slimmer bod.

I began the process of hair removal today. Both outfits I will be modeling have revealing necklines, so I shaved my boobs and underarms today. I will revisit them on Friday and also use Nair on my arms and legs to free them of hair.

I hope it is cooler on Friday than it has been the last few days. The forecast calls for highs in the high 70s and lows in the mid 60s, which is an improvement. I hope the forecast turns out to be accurate.

free to be whatever you want to be

Rapper/actor Mos Def was a guest panelist on Real Time With Bill Maher on HBO last night. During a discussion about freedom in the USA, Mos remarked that in the United States that you are free to be whatever you want to be; "I could be a girl if I want," he said.

Yes, indeed!

one week until the big show

In one week, I will be modeling in my first fashion show. Fashionista that I am, I am looking forward to the event.

I am off this afternoon and plan to accessorize the two outfits I will be modeling and make sure that everything is just so.

I will be bringing my camera to the event and hope to convince someone to take a million shots of me strutting down the catwalk. So, I hope I will have some photos to share with you here.

And I hope that some of you will be able to attend to cheer me on and support a worthy cause.

dining out en femme

Dining at a restaurant en femme is an enjoyable way to crossdress in public. Besides attending support group meetings, dining was how I went out en femme for the first time and I recommend it as a relatively easy way for the newbie to go out en femme.

In all my years dining out en femme, rarely have I had issues with the restaurant staff and only occasionally have I noticed other diners acting in an untoward manner.

Below is a list of restaurants where I have recently dined en femme without any issues, i.e., the restaurant staff treated me like any other customer and did not seem to mind that I was en femme.

In some cases, the restaurant staff made a special effort to treat me like a lady, i.e., they addressed me as "Miss" or "Ma'am." Asterisks (***) follow those restaurants that made an extra effort.

Connecticut

Bertucci's Brick Oven Ristorante, 330 N. Main St., West Hartford
City Steam Brewery Café, 942 Main St., Hartford
Coyote Flaco, 635 New Britain Ave, Hartford ***
Delaney's Grille & Taproom, 864 Whalley Ave, New Haven ***
Elbow Room, 986 Farmington Ave, West Hartford
Gold Roc Diner, 61 Kane St, West Hartford
Pond House Café, 1555 Asylum Ave., West Hartford
Ruby Tuesday, 500 Westfarms Mall Farmington
Simsbury 1820 House, 731 Hopmeadow St, Simsbury
Tuscany Grill, 100 College St, Middletown
Vito's by the Park, 26 Trumbull St., Hartford

Massachusetts

Legal Seafoods, 1400 Worcester St, Natick

Ohio

Uno Chicago Grill, 126 North Main St, Dayton ***

conferencing

Over the years, I have attended four trans conferences: First Event three times and the IFGE Convention one time; so I am no expert, but these are the reasons why I have attended and continue to attend:

• When I was going out en femme only to attend my support group's meetings, the conferences provided me with an opportunity to go out en femme a little further. Having the run of the hotel hosting the conference was liberating; so liberating that I even dared to go out beyond the hotel to shop and dine. Doing so, I discovered that I passed most of the time/I was not read most of the time.

• Being a fashionista, I attend any seminars dealing with makeup, fashion, deportment, speech, i.e., anything that will help improve my passing abilities. I had a Jim Bridges' makeover at my first conference and although the results were over the top, I learned more about makeup application in that 60 minutes than I had in all my years up to that time. After that one makeover, my makeup skills improved by a quantum leap.

• I attend other seminars that promise to be interesting. Some turn out to be duds and some are better than promised. You never know.

• There is usually one dinner per event that allows me to wear something glamorous (an evening gown or cocktail dress) and I love to dress glamorously.

• Hobnobbing with other trans people is a big attraction for me. Making new acquaintances and renewing old acquaintances is always fun and very interesting. Interestingly, I find myself being a lot more outgoing than I usually am in boy mode. This is not always a good thing.

Last time I attended First Event, I arrived late Friday afternoon and wanted to register as soon as I arrived because I thought the registration desk was going to close soon. So I headed straight to the floor where the conference was occurring. I was still dressed in boy mode, while my mind was already in girl mode. A transwoman got on the elevator with me and without thinking, I blurted out, "Are you having a good time?" As soon as I spoke, I realized that I might have freaked her out and sure enough, she seemed uneasy. I felt so bad and I immediately explained to her that I was a crossdresser, too. She still seemed uneasy and I never saw her again!

The morale of that story is that I have to cool it until I put a dress on!

don't count your chickens before they're hatched

Despite what I wrote here last week, I am not going to Fantasia Fair.

Fantasia Fair is expensive. Registration costs $550. Add another $700 (more or less) for a room for seven nights. That adds up to $1250 just for room, board (registration includes some meals), and admission to the event.

I am the sole support of a child in college and a spouse who can not work, so $1250 is too expensive for me. Forget about it!

Word arrived here in the early summer that the folks running Fantasia Fair were offering scholarships for those with financial need. Scholarships would pay for room, board, and admission. I felt I had a financial need, so I applied for a scholarship.

Time passed when the scholarship winners were to be notified. I heard nothing and assumed I had not won. It was a little letdown, but I went on with my life.

Last Monday, I received an e-mail informing me unofficially that I had been selected to receive a scholarship. It was not a full scholarship, but a "working" scholarship, i.e., I would have to spend some time working during the event.

That seemed fair and I was elated with the news. I waited to receive official notification which was supposed to arrive in a few days.

Last Thursday, I received official notification. Yes, I had won a working scholarship. But, instead of free room, board, and admission, the scholarship consisted of a $300 deduction off the registration fee and required that I work at the event. I was on my own regarding a room.

So, instead of $1250 out of pocketbook, it would cost me $950 out of pocketbook and I had to work the event. The official notification was a big letdown.

I mulled it over.

I have no idea what the work will entail. I asked, but so far, I have no answer. I surely do not want to spend the whole week working and have to pay $950 out of pocketbook!

I figured that if I had a roommate, I could cut my room cost in half and it would be $600 out of pocketbook, but that is still a far cry from $0 out of pocketbook.

Thanks for the scholarship, but no thanks. I scratched Fantasia Fair off my calendar.

blondes have more votes

My hair color poll is over. Fifty people voted on which hair color suits me best and here are the results:

platinum blonde: 1 vote (2%)

blonde: 19 votes (38%)

strawberry blonde: 3 votes (6%)

red: 10 votes (20%)

brunette: 17 votes (34%)

I am not surprised by blonde's strong showing, but I am surprised by the strong second-place showing of brunette.

haven't a thing to wear

Diana L e-mailed me that two girls dropped out of the fashion show, so can I model another outfit?

I said, "Sure."

Now, I just have to decide what to wear! Maybe, I will have to buy something new.

ladies or gents?

Mr. Orskey will act as a girl

You never know what you will find up for auction on eBay.

Today, I discovered this vintage business card from The Beauty Parlor, Ladies' & Gents' Hairdressers, in the U.K. run by J. Orskey. Penciled in on the card is the following notation: "Mr. Orskey will act as a girl."

discovery

While surfing the net, I discovered an interesting and pertinent essay titled Discovery on Chrysalis, a web site "for transgender children, teens and their families."

To the crossdresser the words "discover" or "discovery" can have so many meanings, as well as tons of ramifications. For instance, it's a discovery when a CD first learns that he enjoys wearing women's clothes and carrying himself in a feminine way. And I know from experience, it's an even bigger discovery when he eventually realizes that this facet of his life earns him a lifetime membership in a club whose members are commonly called crossdressers. Once that discovery has been made, you can be sure he'll spend the next few years, or even the rest of his life, discovering just what his membership in this club means to him.

To read the rest of the essay, click here.

fantastic news

I'm going to Fantasia Fair!

FanFair is an annual week-long mid-October event in Provincetown, Cape Cod, Massachusetts, where transfolk have the run of the town presenting themselves in their gender of choice 24/7.

I have many friends and acquaintances who have attended FanFair in the past and they have nothing but great things to say about their experience. They have urged me to go, but until now, I have been unable to do so.

Presenting as a woman 24/7 for a week will be a new experience. I have done three-day events in the past, but not a week-long event, so this will be more of a real life test for me!

Anyway, I am thrilled that I will be able to go this year. And I wonder how the experience will effect me.

hair color poll

Please vote in my new poll... which hair color suits me best?

torrid time

I went back to Torrid yesterday (in boy mode) to return the cropped jacket I bought two weeks ago (it was too big).

The manager greeted me and with a Torrid shopping bag in hand, she figured I was returning an item. She asked, "Was it too big for her?"

Without hesitation, I replied that it was too big for me.

She was very friendly. She said that I didn't look like a size 3 (thank-you!), which was the size I was returning and she assisted me in finding another cropped jacket in my size, i.e., size 2.

I asked her about the odd sizes and she explained that Torrid's sizes 0, 1, 2, 3, etc. were the equivalent of misses sizes 14, 16, 18, 20, etc, but that the store prefers to use the single digit sizes.

It was an equal exchange and I was quickly on my way to run other shopping errands.

I got home and tried on the new jacket with the rest of the outfit I planned to model in the fashion show and it looked perfect!

fashion show update

I just found this poster online advertising the transgendered fundraiser fashion show in which I will be modeling.

The model shown in the poster looks dressed a little over the top, so I guess the micro-miniskirt and 4-3/4-inch platform pumps I planned to model will be fine.

The fashion show will be on September 14 at Tommy's Restaurant, just off Route 9 in Middletown, CT, which is as its name indicates, is in the middle of the state. If you are in the area, come see the show to cheer me on and help support the transgendered community.

Here is a link for more information: http://www.transadvocacy.com/

my favorite talking redhead

I took my car in to the dealer today for its 7500-mile servicing. The television in the dealer's waiting room was tuned to CNN. So my 9 AM appointment was perfect timing because at 9 sharp, my favorite talking redhead, Heidi Collins, begins her daily stint on CNN. She has a new do since the last time I saw her and she looks fabulous! Makes me want to consider getting a new wig in Collins red.

the art of standing apart

I just read a very interesting blog entry by Lesley M. M. Blume titled The Art of Standing Apart. As if a 6-foot 2-inch tall crossdresser in a short skirt and high heels needs advice on standing apart, I still found this blog interesting and I recommend it to you.

caught with my panties down

Sometimes, when I am out en femme, nature calls and when nature calls, I try to answer as soon as possible.

My first choice is to use a unisex/family restroom to answer the call. Such facilities are still rare in these parts, so I usually end up using my second choice: the women's restroom.

I have used the women's restroom countless times and I have never had anyone question my use of those facilities. In fact, a couple of times, women in the restroom have engaged me in conversation admiring my shoes on one occasion and my outfit on another occasion. (That never happens in the men's restroom.)

I imagine I was passing fairly well when those conversations occurred. Nonetheless, I am always concerned about being recognized as a male by someone, who subsequently complains to the authorities and gets me in hot water for using the women's restroom.

I wish there was a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card for crossdressers!

A transsexual can get a "carrying letter" from his/her therapist. The letter attempts to excuse the transsexual for presenting as the opposite gender because he/she is participating in a gender reassignment program and presenting as the opposite gender 24/7 is a required part of the program.

A plain-vanilla crossdresser like me cannot use that excuse. And a letter attempting to excuse a crossdresser because he/she enjoys/prefers presenting as the opposite gender is not going to fly especially if, like me, he/she does not have a therapist to sign off on it.

I guess I will just have to try and be as passable as possible especially when nature calls.

dresses for men by Brooks Brothers

This fall, Brooks Brothers will be introducing a new collection of "up 25 men's looks with a slimmer silhouette than the average Brooks man is accustomed to."

Included in the collection conceived by avant-garde designer Thom Browne is the plaid wool shift dress with matching cape (shown here).

Wow! That is a cute outfit. I can definitely see myself wearing that!

You can read more about this Brooks Brothers' collection here.

new photos

Today, I uploaded nine new photos to my flickr account. Click here to see them all.

poll results

Thirty-seven of my blog readers responded to last week's poll, which posed the question, "How often do you crossdress in public?"

The results did not surprise me. Here they are:

How often do you crossdress in public?

6 daily
9 weekly
10 monthly
2 yearly
10 never

Thank you for participating in the poll.

roadtrip summary

Sadly, my plans for going out en femme during my roadtrip did not pan out for one reason or another. It just was not in the cards.

roadtrip - day 4

Thus far, I have been stymied in my efforts to go out en femme during this roadtrip. Tonight is my last chance, so keep your fingers crossed.

roadtrip - day 3

Nothing!

roadtrip - day 2

I had a big cup of coffee after dinner last night and I only caught about four hours of sleep last night. So, I was dragging all day long and crashed after I got back to my hotel room this evening. As a result, I was not up to getting dressed and going out en femme tonight. But, as Scarlett said, "Tomorrow is another day!"

So, I'm typing away here on this blog while the television is on across the room. I did not care for the movie I started watching, so I changed channels to find two characters in drag on an old Dukes of Hazzard rerun. I never watched the show, but I stay tuned to see what was going on drag-wise. Quickly, I surmised that the characters in drag were a sheriff and his deputy. The sheriff indicated that he was anxious to get out of drag because his girdle was killing him. End of show.

I changed to the next channel and it was the end of an old Who's the Boss rerun, which was another show I never watched because I never cared for the acting acumen of Tony Danza and I always thought that the show's co-star, Judith Light, always looked and dressed like a transvestite, not that there is anything wrong with that... if you are a guy!

Tomorrow is another day!

blog interviewer

An interview with yours truly now appears on the Blog Interviewer web site. Click here to read the interview and be sure to "Rate this Blog!" while you are visiting the Blog Interviewer web site.

roadtrip

Tomorrow morning, I begin a week-long work-related roadtrip to the State College area of central Pennsylvania. Most of my evenings will be free, so I packed two outfits to wear if I get an opportunity to go out en femme.

Due to the trip, I may not be able to post new blog entries as often as usual, but if I do go out en femme, I will have some new tales to tell here when I get back from the trip.

when you're the boss, you can be yourself

Nel Kisaragi smiled as she handed over her business card. Slender and fair-skinned, she is the president of Newgauge Inc., an IT marketing and system-consulting company with a dual mission: to make a profit and to improve the lives of members of the transgender community.

Kisaragi, a man until she adopted her female identity two years ago, is now in her late 20s. She started Newgauge in September 2005 with two other transgender executives. Among the company's 17-member staff, seven are male transsexuals.

Read the rest of this inspiring story here.

shopping today

I had the afternoon off, so I went shopping (in boy mode) for a birthday gift for my wife. I also was on the lookout for a cropped jacket to complete the ensemble I plan to model in the fashion show next month.

First stop was Target to buy cat food and litter and then peruse the clothing departments.

My friend Rena said that Target had a clearance sale in their shoe department, so I checked that out after getting the cat stuff. None of the women's shoes that were on sale interested me, but I did get a pair of men's sneakers for $8.

Then, I walked through the aisles of the women's departments looking for something for my wife and a jacket for myself. I found nothing.

After leaving Target, I drove across the street to the mall and continued my search. I found some denim skirts that were exactly what my wife wanted on sale at Christopher & Banks and I bought her four. I hope they fit and I hope she likes them.

I continued my search for a jacket searching through all the women's clothing stores and all the women's clothing departments of the department stores. Sears had a cropped jacket that was sort of what I wanted, but at $80, I decided it had to be more than sort of what I wanted, so I kept looking.

My friend Patty recommended Torrid, which offers "exciting and cutting-edge apparel and accessories for young women sizes 12-26." It is like an edgy Lane Bryant.

I looked through the store and lots of things caught my eye including some short skirts that I would not mind modeling instead of the skirt I had planned on modeling. The salesgirl let me alone, but I wanted some help, so I told her that I'd like to put together an outfit for modeling in a trans fashion show and that I was looking for a short skirt and a cropped jacket.

A black with white polka dot pleated skirt caught my eye, but she could not find one that remotely was close to my size; they were all too big! She did find a cropped jacket and gave me two of the same style, one in size 2 and the other in size 3, to try on. (Size 2 and 3! Later I also saw jackets in size 0 and size 1.)

We were still looking for a skirt and I spotted a black pinstriped pleated miniskirt hanging high on the wall. The salesgirl thought that there might be one in my size, which she guessed was 18. There were no 18s, but she suggested I try a 16, which she found.

Off to the dressing room I went and tried on the skirt first. It fit perfectly. Although different sizes, both jackets fit fine, but I did not like the way they looked. They were cropped too short and exposed too much between the hem of the jacket and the waistband of the skirt.

I sought out the salesgirl and asked if she had something less cropped. Three more trips between the dressing room and the salesgirl and I finally found a nice black short-sleeved jacket that is cropped just right.

I paid for the skirt and jacket and headed home.

At home, I quickly slipped into my undies to see how the outfit looked with a proper femulated figure underneath. The skirt still looked great, but I am not so sure about the jacket. When I have more time, I will try a couple of different tops on under the jacket to see if I can come up with a look I like. Otherwise, the jacket goes back to the store and my search continues.

I really like the skirt, though. Here is how the Torrid web site describes it: "Black pleated mini has white pinstripes, lace and ribbon detail across the hips and a tulle underlayer. Back zip entry. 15" long."

Ooh La La!

new poll about crossdressing in public

I started a new poll here today asking how often do you go out in public crossdressed. Please vote and check the results as the poll progresses.

I considered adding one more answer to the poll: "not often enough," but I figured that everyone would vote for that selection!

Please vote.

Changing My Name poll results

The Changing My Name poll is over and here are the result:

With 29 votes cast...

10 (34%) voted for Lana Hunter (a new name)

17 (58%) voted for Staci Hunter (my current name)

2 (6%) voted for "none of the above"

I thank everyone who voted.

Although the majority of voters preferred my old name, I still like the new name a lot and may change it anyway. But, your vote has given me food for thought. So, instead of just stumbling forward and making the change, I will think about it for awhile.

new fall fashions arrived (and returned)

Last week, I mentioned ordering three dresses and a pair of shoes from Newport-News' fall catalog.

The mail order business must be slow these days because I received my order yesterday... only five days after I placed the order. (Usually, I wait weeks for Newport-News orders.)

After dinner, I slipped into my girly undies and a pair of pantyhose to try on the new clothing.

The ankle-length batwing dress, which I ordered in scarlet, fit fine, but I did not like the fabric nor the way it looked on me. It goes back.

The poet dress, which I ordered in purple berry, was swimming on me. If you look at the model in the catalog, it is swimming on her, too, but it looks good on her, but not on me. It goes back.

The leopard sash-tie wrap dress, which I pined for in this posting, fit perfectly and as I predicted, it looked fabulous on me. It is a keeper and I can't wait to wear it out.

The patent leather-look platform pumps with a 4-3/4-inch heels, which I ordered in black and wrote about here and here, were amazing! I liked them even before I tried them on. I slipped them on and they fit like a glove or should I say "sock?" I buckled up the ankle straps and there was a lot of strap to spare, so I felt that was a good sign.

I stood up and immediately knew that these were not my mother's high heels. My feet sat in the shoes at an angle which was steeper then they are normally accustomed to even in heels. And I never felt so tall. I wear heels whenever I crossdress, but not this high and the added height was very noticeable.

After the initial shock, I began moving around and had no problem. I actually tried on the shoes first and wore them while I tried on and modeled the three dresses. After my personal fashion show, the shoes were still comfortable and they are keepers.

So, I scored 50% with my online mail-order purchases. Everything worked out well because I really wanted the shoes and leopard wrap dress, whereas I ordered the other two dresses on a whim.

nature's call

good news: shoulder pads coming back

I just read fashion news reports (here, here, and here) that shoulder pads are making a comeback.

That is good news for crossdressers, transvestites, and femulators, especially those of us who already have manly shoulders.

Next time you strut your stuff down Main Street, the fashionistas will be so jealous of you showing off your fashionably padded shoulders. Little will they know that the padding is natural.

And when you buy the latest fashion, make sure you rip out the shoulder pads because you won't need them.

(By the way, don't throw out those shoulder pads. I ripped out all the shoulder pads from my dresses and jackets the last time they were fashionable and I discovered that they look just like the pads used to pad bras, so I saved a few in case I ever had a bra padding emergency.)

feminine guys better for long-term love

LONDON (AFP) - Women see masculine-looking men as more unsuitable long-term partners but men with more feminine features are seen as more committed and less likely to stray, researchers said Wednesday.

Read the rest of the story here.

after you tie my apron strings...

Heelpolitik: The Power of the Stiletto

If you love high heel shoes like I do, then you will like this recent article by Christina Binkley in Wall Street Journal.

Look under many a powerful woman's desk and you'll find a serious pair of heels. Whether they're on her feet or tucked in a drawer, the shoes' key attribute is a three-inch spike that, if redirected, could put your eye out.

Here is the link to the whole article. Enjoy!

bad news, good news

Bad news is that I have to go on a boring business trip next week.

Good news is that I plan to go out en femme at least one evening during the trip.

name poll

If you haven't voted already, please vote in my Changing My Name poll.

Thank-you.

saw plametto extract

I bought a bottle of saw palmetto extract at Wally Mart today.

I popped three softgels with lunch and plan to pop three more each time I eat.

My goal is to completely fill the B cups of my bras with boobs instead of sharing the cups with empty air.

the little rascal in a dress

When I was a kid, I was a big fan of the Our Gang/Little Rascals comedies. (Would you believe that I am so old that I saw my first Our Gang comedy in a movie theater as a short inserted between the newsreel, cartoon, coming attractions, and the main feature?)

Anyway, after my first taste of Spanky and his gang on the big screen, I sought out the series on television and over the years, I probably viewed every episode at least once including the early silent episodes.

One silent episode left a big impression on me. I only saw it two or three times, but I will never forget it. For years, I tried to track it down without much success. Even the Internet was not much help.

I was surfing the net last night, came upon a reference to the Our Gang series and it occurred to me that I had not had a go at looking for that episode in awhile. So, I googled the subject and found an excellent episode guide for the series.

Using that guide, I quickly found the episode I sought: One Terrible Day. It was the first episode listed and the first episode to be released (way back in 1922). Here is the brief description from the tv.com web site:

A wealthy society matron treats the underprivileged kids of the gang to an outing at her country estate. The gang turns both the journey and the visit at the farm into a chaotic adventure.

That sounds innocuous: just your typical Our Gang/Little Rascals plot, but there was a sub-plot that made an impact on my very impressionable pre-teen mind.

A little girl lived with the wealthy society matron (she was a niece, granddaughter, whatever, I don't remember). She was a well-behaved, little lady, however, when the gang arrived, she convinced one of the male gang members to switch places with her and they crossdressed in each other's clothes. After the girl and boy switched clothes, the girl became aggressive and dominated the boy in the dress.

I will always remember seeing the boy in the little girl's short dress and thinking that he looked just like a little girl. Also, I will always remember how the girl in drag pushed around the boy in drag.

As a kid, I was not aggressive and other kids bullied me and pushed me around. Maybe my subconscious mind decided that since I acted like that little rascal in drag that I should wear a dress, too. And a few years later, my subconscious mind won over my conscious mind and I donned my first (in a long line) of dresses.

Who knows?

GLBT rights activist pulls back on the T

Robin Bodiford is not "The Man."

For one, she's a lesbian whose law practice almost exclusively represents gay clients. She spearheaded groundbreaking ordinances in Broward County to protect gay rights and allow same-sex couples to register as domestic partners. When the only county commissioner who voted against both ordinances, John Rodstrom, received an award from the Gay and Lesbian Community Center in Fort Lauderdale, she staged a one-woman walkout.

In other words, she has devoted her life and career to sticking it to the you know who.

But now Bodiford finds herself in the most unlikeliest of roles. As a small but strident band of activists lobbies to add legal protections for transgender people to the county ordinance, Bodiford is pulling back.

Read the rest of this sad story in today's Miami Herald.

new fall fashions

I have been buying clothes from Newport-News as long as I have been crossdressing. The very first dress I ever bought via mail order was from Newport-News, except that they were known as Avon Fashions back then.

I like their clothing and have bought a lot of clothing from their catalogs over the years. Their fashions are stylish, but affordable. I seldom return items unless there is a sizing issue. I am a happy customer

I am on their e-mail list and get something from them just about every day. Today, I received a 20% discount offer. I have been eyeing some of their new fall items, which are discounted for their pre-season sale. Subtract another 20% and I could not resist, so I went wild and ordered three dresses and a pair of shoes.

Here is what I ordered:




I ordered the dresses on the left in the colors as pictured. I ordered the dress on the right in scarlet red and the shoes in black. The shoes have 4-3/4-inch heels and should be challenging, but I am up to it.

Staci or Lana?

Please vote in my "Changing My Name" poll.

I explained why I am thinkig about changing my name in my long blog posting yesterday and I really appreciate your input and your vote concerning my potential name change.

behind the name

In my long blog posting yesterday, I did not mention how I researched my femme names. (That blog posting was long enough and I did not want to make it any longer).

Anyway, I researched my femme names on the Behind the Name web site. It seems to be a very comprehensive web site and I recommend it if you are interested in the story behind your first name and/or are choosing a femme name.

Lana Hunter?

For a long time now, I have been kicking around the idea of changing my name.

When I chose "Staci" for my femme name, I did not put much thought into it.

I was dressing for years at home and my only crossdressing forays out in public were on Halloween, so I really did not need a femme name. And it never occurred to me to pick a femme name for my femme persona. I guess that's because I don't have separate personas. I am the same person dressed as a male or dressed as a female, so why would I need to change my name.

When I started reading the messages on CompuServe's Genderline back in the 1980s. I immediately noticed that most of the guys online had feminine names. I read Genderline messages for years without posting any messages myself, so I still did not need a femme name.

When my wife urged me to find a local support group, the only place I was aware of where I might find out about a local support group was Genderline, so I had to come up with a femme name quickly before I posted my first message to avoid outing myself by using my male name.

Many crossdressers take the easy way out and use the feminine version of their male name, for example, Dean becomes Deanna, Steven becomes Stephanie, Eric becomes Erica, and Jordan becomes Jordan. I am always in favor of the path of least resistance, so I decided to use the feminine version of my name and I became "Staci."

As Staci, I asked about local support groups on Genderline, where I found out about Connecticut Outreach Society (COS), started attending COS meetings, and became acquainted with other transfolk.

Over the years, I have known a number of transfolk who changed their name from the feminine version of their male name to something that they liked better (for one reason or another). I often considered doing the same thing, but I really did not find another name that interested me enough to bother changing.

Yesterday, on the drive home from work, I had an epiphany. I suddenly came up with a new name that did interest me enough to bother changing: Lana. The new name had a lot going for it.

Lana is a name that is not common. I personally don't know anyone so named and I am aware of only one celebrity (deceased film star Lana Turner), who was so named.

Lana is a name I always liked. I first came across the name reading a Superman comic book when I was a kid. It was the name of a secondary character, Lana Lang, who was a love interest of Superman, but she always lost out to Lois Lane. (If I was Superman, I would have taken Lana Lang over Lois Lane, but to each his own.) Anyway, she was probably my favorite female comic book character, although my affinity for Lana Lang was neck and neck with my affinity for Katy Keene.

In my humble opinion, Lana is a very sexy and feminine name.

Lana is an obscure Beach Boys song, which I like.

So, I had my new name. But before I transitioned from Staci to Lana, I decided to look up the meaning of my new name. Surprise! It turns out that my new name is the feminine form of a male name, Alan. When I looked up Alan, it turns out that the meaning of the male name is not known for certain. Hmmm...

I decided to look up the meaning of Staci. The web site says it is the feminine variant of Stacey (which, by the way, is not my male name).

Next, I look up Stacey and it is an either/or name, i.e., it can be masculine or feminine. It is also short for Anastasia and Eustace.

Next, I look up Anastasia and it is the feminine form of Anastasius.

Finally, I look up Anastasius and it is the Latinized form of the Greek name Anastasios, which meant "resurrection" from Greek (anastasis). So, Staci/Stacey/Anastasia/Anastasius means a rising again into life, activity, or prominence.

Hey - I like that! But I still like my new name, too. What's a girl to do? I wish I had one of those Magic 8 balls handy to help me decide.

If you have any opinions on my name, please leave a comment. And vote in the Changing my name... poll, too.

poll results: who reads this blog?

Who reads this blog?

Well, 50 readers voted during the weeklong poll and here are the results:

33 (66%) are crossdressers/transvesites

12 (24%) are transsexuals

3 (6%) are curious observers of the trans phenomena

2 (4%) arrived her by mistake

3 (6%) are "none of the above"

Voters could choose multiple selections, so that accounts for the 53 votes by 50 voters.

Transfolk (crossdresser/transvestite/transsexual) represent 90% of my blog's readers (no surprise there).

And I'm curious, who are the three voters who selected "none of the above?" Why do they read this blog?

transadvocacy fashion show web page

Here is a web page about Busted!, the fashion show I will be modeling in: Transadvocacy Fashion Show & Fundraiser.

passing hazards

supportive significant other

face the facts about your skin

The #1 Skincare Mistake Most Crossdressers Make

Beautiful skin is one of the secrets to passing as a crossdresser. Discover the #1 skincare mistake most crossdressers make and learn three essential secrets for a radiant complexion.

Read the rest of the story here.

put your bra to good use

Breast Enlargement Secrets for Males

More and more males are opting for breast enlargement as a form of self expression. Whether they are crossdressers, trangenderists, or transsexuals, many males seek to feminize their figures without the risk or expense of surgery.

Read the rest of the story here.

...which begs the question:

Do Breast Enhancement Pills Really Work?

Well, in a word, yes. Breast enhancement pills do really work. But buyer beware! They do not all work – not by any stretch of the imagination. Not only that, but there are many that may actually produce undesirable side effects, and even with the ones that do work and enlarge your breasts, there are some general lifestyle guidelines you need to adhere to in order to get maximum results out of one of these products. Sometimes the manufacturers of breast enhancement pills neglect to tell you that you must adhere to certain lifestyle guidelines in order for their formula to take effect and actually induce additional breast growth after your body’s natural mechanisms have “shut off” the breast growth cycle.

Read the rest of the story here.

size 11 wide

female impersonator film star dead

From the Associate Press:

PARIS — French actor Michel Serrault, whose hit performance as a transvestite in the film and stage versions of La Cage aux Folles (Birds of a Feather) catapulted him to international stardom, has died. He was 79.

Serrault played female impersonator Zaza Napoli in the original French version of La Cage, which, in my humble opinion, was superior in all ways to the American version. He also played the same role in a less successful sequel and trequel of the film.

size 18 tall

all in the family

top femulator

I have a long list of women that I try to femulate. These are women, who epitomize (to me) what being a woman is all about. My list is very long because I have been compiling it all my life (and I am getting older all the time)!

I also have a list of femulators I try to femulate. These are the transwomen, who have their act together, who epitomize (to me) what being a woman is all about, yet they are male. As you would expect, this is a much shorter list than the first list and new additions to this list do not come as fast and furious as additions to the other list.

This past week, I made an addition to the shorter list: katesalehurst. This girl goes right to the top of the list. I discovered her on flickr and if you view her photo portfolio, I think you will agree with my estimation of her femulation.

transless New York, New York

I spent the day in New York City.

I saw lots of beautiful women and lots of beautiful clothes on display in the store windows (especially Bergdorf Goodman), but there was not a transgendered moment during the whole trip! Maybe the incredibly hot and humid weather kept all the transpeople inside (I can't blame them; it was a dog day afternoon).

I had a good time anyway.

mark your calendars

Here are the details of the fashion show in which I will be modeling. If you are in the area, please consider attending. It should be a great time!

BUSTED! is a fashion show organized by and for the trans and gender non-conforming community to give ourselves and our allies the opportunity to come together and celebrate how much beauty there is in our community. Get ready to have a great time surrounded by wonderful people!

Date: 9/14/07

Doors open at 8 PM

Tickets $10

Tommy's Restaurant, 825 Saybrook Road, Middletown, CT

Fashion show, music, dancing, drinks, and general merriment.

(Tommy's Restaurant is located about 1/3 of a mile off exit 11 of CT Route 9 in central Connecticut.)

"femulate this:" & "the femulated:" images are back!

I found a workaround to make the "Femulate This:" and "The Femulated:" images appear correctly, so they are back where they belong.

my first poll

The absence of "Femulate This:" and "The Femulated:" images in the right frame left a big hole, so I decided to try out a new feature offered by blogger.com: a poll.

Please vote.

missing "femulate this:" & "the femulated:" images

I apologize for the absence of "Femulate This:" and "The Femulated:" images in the right frame.

Something is amiss at blogger.com and I was unable to upload and display new images correctly. As soon as blogger.com fixes the problem, I will upload new images.

real high heels revisited

Yesterday, I mentioned a pair of shoes I was thinking about buying, but I was concerned because the shoe has a 4-3/4-inch heel! "...can I even walk in those skyscrapers?" I wondered.

Last night, I perused my shoe collection with a ruler in hand and discovered that the most comfortable high heels I own have a 4-inch heel. So, I don't think a 4-3/4-inch heel will make much of a difference.

real high heels

If you have been following along for any time now, you know that I love shoes. Let me be more specific: I love women's shoes. By my last count, I own 63 51 pairs of women's footwear and six pairs of men's footwear (and three of those pairs are sneakers)!

Perusing the Fall collection at Newport-News today, I fell in love with another pair of shoes: a patent leather-look platform pump with buckled ankle strap and crescent toe. Its picture should appear next to this text.

The price is right ($29), but when I reread the description, I started thinking twice. The shoe has a 4-3/4-inch heel and a 7/8-inch platform. Wearing those real high heels, I will be an outstanding 6 foot 6 plus. And can I even walk in those skyscrapers?

separate yourself from other men

I am at work.

I just took a break from writing a software user manual and checked my e-mail. For the umpteenth time, I received another e-mail reminding me to "separate yourself from other men."

Believe me, I try to separate myself from other men in ways that the average man never dreams of. Rather than using a "penis enlarge patch," I separate myself from other men by applying makeup, squeezing into a bra and girdle, slipping into a sexy dress, high heels, and blond wig.

Yes, I am at work writing another user manual for software that monitors and controls high tech equipment that only an electrical engineer would find interesting.

Boring!

I would much prefer writing womanly words, i.e., words about feminine finery, en femme outings, flirting encounters of the passing kind... you know, those girly things that will separate me from other men.

'trans'-forming corporate america

According to an article appearing at CNN Money today, "from General Motors to Google, more companies are agreeing to protect transgender people from discrimination."

Sadly, my company is not one of those companies. Maybe someday.

Read the whole story here.

10,000 customers served

This blog's hit counter broke the 10,000 mark overnight. Thank you for reading and a special thank you to my returning readers.

If you have any suggestions on how I can improve this blog or subjects you would like to see me write about here, please let me know.

a fashion model

I volunteered to be a model at a fashion show in September to benefit a local trans advocacy organization.

I always wanted to model clothes in a fashion show strutting my stuff in 4-inch heels down the catwalk. I had a couple of close calls, but always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

For example, a few years ago, I was shopping with my wife in Fashion Bug. She found something to buy, I did not. At the check-out, the cashier asked my wife if she would like to sign-up to be a model for an in-store fashion show. As an incentive, you got to keep one of the outfits you modeled.

I encouraged my wife, but she didn't want to do it. With a straight face, I asked if I could sign-up instead and with a straight face, the cashier said I could. I was joking and told the cashier so, but later I regretted it and should have signed up.

Anyway, this time, I am signed up and looking forward to modeling. I want to do my best, so I began researching the subject and found how to walk like a catwalk model on the wikiHow web site, and will begin practicing catwalking at home.

home alone with Catherine Hickland

I was home alone for a few hours, so I decided to try doing my makeup per Catherine Hickland's DVD Simply Gorgeous, which I wrote about here earlier this week.

I brought my portable DVD player into the bathroom and parked it next to my makeup kit. Then, I put the DVD on the turntable and followed along with its instructions (after applying beard cover). Despite stopping and replaying a few parts of the instructions, I finished applying my makeup in record time: 25 minutes, which is about half the time I usually need.

Ms. Hickland's makeup routine is minimalist, so that accounts for the faster than normal makeup application.

I can't believe that Ms. Hickland looks as good as she does only using the makeup techniques she expouses in her DVD. I have been experimenting with makeup for over 40 years and I see more makeup on her face then she puts on the clients on her DVD. Or she is one of the most naturally beautiful women in the world! (I doubt that.)

I just looked up Ms. Hickland's bio and she is only 5 years younger than I am, which puts her at the ripe old age of 51. Now, I am certain that she puts on more makeup than she puts on her clients.

After following her instructions, I was satisfied with the results considering the amount of time to accomplish my makeup application. I will definitely use her techniques when I do my makeup in the future, but at my age (and hers), I think I have to do a little more makeup work than Ms. Hickland recommends.

ADDENDUM:

I posted a post-makeover photo on flickr.

feminine skirts and dresses for men

[deleted] is a web site featuring skirts and dresses for men.

There are other web sites featuring skirts and dresses for men. Do a Google search and you will find a bunch.

Being a male-to-female crossdresser, the majority of men's skirts and dresses appearing on those web sites are too masculine for my taste. However, the skirts and dresses on the [deleted] web page are more to my liking. There I find styles that I would feel comfortable wearing in girl or boy mode.

Visit the [deleted] web site and see for yourself.

less plucking required

I plucked some stray eyebrow hairs this morning. It is almost a month since my previous plucking session and there was noticeably less plucking required today.

Does eyebrow hair grow slower in the warm weather?

Or has my repeated plucking killed off some of the hairs for good? (I hope so!)

female fingers

According to a study done by the University of Alberta, I have the fingers of a female.

It has been known for some time that there is a direct correlation between finger lengths and the amount of the male sex hormone testosterone that a baby is exposed to in the womb.

In women, the two fingers are usually almost equal in length, as measured from the crease nearest the palm to the fingertip. In men, the ring finger tends to be much longer than the index.

My index and ring fingers are equal in length, therefore, I have the hands of a woman. I guess I should shave them more often.

faith hill: photoshopped like a tranny

Read how Redbook photoshopped Faith Hill as if she were a tranny enhancing her image for a web audience.

I was most impressed with how they thinned out her arm!

leopard sash-tie wrap dress

I like this dress. It is a new fall selection from Newport-News. I think it would look fabulous on me and I plan to buy it if it goes on sale.

popular in Poland

These days, my blog averages about 200 hits per day. By far, my blog listing in the crossdressing.pl directory is the source for more hits than any other Web site (flickr is a distant second).

My blog is listed in other transgendered directories, but for some reason, my crossdressing.pl listing is the most popular.

I was born and raised in the US of A, but all four of my grandparents were born in Poland. As a result, I have an affinity for the motherland of my ancestors. So, when I discovered the Polish crossdressing web site, I asked its webmistress to list my blog in crossdressing.pl directory, which she did.

That explains why I am listed in their directory, but that does not explain why that particular listing is the source for more hits than any other Web site. I can't figure it out, so I will gladly accept my blog's popularity in Poland and send greetings to my Polish sisters:

Powitanie do mojego Polski siostry.

paris during fashion week

Rena posted the following question on the Connecticut Outreach Society e-mail list:

This is bit of a long one! Like OK if there was such a thing as a Magic Pink Pill that turned you into the most beautiful GG for a week, (anyone you want you choose) with endless finances to do anything you wanted. Who and What would you do with your week? Vegas? Hollywood? New York? Back to School? Volunteer at a Senior Center? You Won't be Graded it your Fantasy!

Here is my response:

Paris during Fashion Week.

Skip the Magic Pink Pill… I'd go as myself. Fly from JFK to Paris on the Concorde (oh, darn, the Concorde is no more!). Well, I'd fly First Class to Paris one way or the other. Get a spare-no-expense, head-to-toe makeover. Go shopping for some drop-dead outfits, then spend the rest of my time attending the various Fashion Week events in the City of Lights.

simply gorgeous

Recently, I received an e-mail asking me to provide step-by-step instructions on how I do my makeup.

I was flattered, but being a professional writer, I was not confident that I could quickly compose a set of instructions that would accurately describe what I do. Not to mention that my makeup regime is a work in progress; I am always trying out new techniques when I do my makeup.

An aside: As a writer, I have often thought about writing a crossdressing how-to book. I already have a title, Be A Babe, with the tagline, Instead of looking like "the Babe," look like a babe! The question is, if I write it, will people buy it?

Getting back to the providing step-by-step makeup instructions, I started researching sources for instructions and in my quest, I discovered a video titled Simply Gorgeous. It was highly rated, so I rented the DVD from Blockbuster.

Here is the product description from Amazon.com:

Actress and television personality Catherine Hickland (from ABC’s One Life To Live) is also one of the most sought-after beauty authorities in the country, and finally shares her makeover secrets. Put your best face forward with Simply Gorgeous, the new video that teaches you how to go from out-the-door beautiful in the morning to drop-dead gorgeous at night. A great gift for teens or that bride-to-be who wants a perfect wedding day. Simply Gorgeous will delight soap opera fans and makeup junkies alike. Get the inside scoop on looking as fabulous as a daytime diva in no time at all.

I don't watch soaps and I was not familiar with Catherine Hickland, however, her makeup instructions were very simple, but very effective. Ms. Hickland is gorgeous and using makeup to improve her looks is gilding the lily.

In order to prove the effectiveness of her technique, she performs makeovers on average-looking women and the results are outstanding.

Just add beard cover and I think that Ms. Hickland's techniques would be just as successful transforming average-looking crossdressers into passable women. I highly recommend this DVD to anyone who wants to learn how to apply makeup in a simple, yet effective manner.

a frivilous friday blog posting

Surfing the net, I came upon a blog that praised the wardrobe actress Claire Danes wore in the film Shopgirl. For what it's worth, I liked the film, I liked her in the film, and I liked the clothes she wore in the film.

Anyhow, the blog had photos of the various outfits Claire wore in the film, but was especially enamored with one dress, a "1950's-inspired Prada dress."

See for yourself (the dress appears on the right). The dress is to die for! The dress is me; it is a classic "Staci dress." I wish I owned it and I plan to search the catalogs for something similar for myself.

(If any of you readers find something similar in a Misses size 16 or 18 or Women's size 14 or 16, please let me know.)

dream analysis

I am trying to make sense of my crossdressing dreams. In that process, I have been researching dream analysis on the Internet and found a web site that I believe will help me.

The web site is Temple of Dreams. The lessons on their Teachings page have been very informative.

and now for something something completely different

When I awoke this morning, I remembered what I dreamed last night and it had absolutely nothing to do with crossdressing!

my endless collection of shoes

I am so like a woman in my love for shoes!

I own more shoes than I can possibly wear. Almost all are high heels of various styles (pumps, sandals, boots, etc). Some are so painful to wear, that I shouldn't, but I do anyway. (If that doesn't qualify me as a fashionista, I don't know what does!)

So, just what I need: a new shoe store has come online from the same folks who brought you Amazon.com. It is called Endless.com and after a quick perusal of their web site, I already have found new shoes that are to die for!

my dreams

I am on a roll! It happened again this morning. Like most mornings during the past week, I remembered a dream from the previous night.

All the dreams I have remembered recently are similar in the following ways:

• Each dream is transgendered/crossdressing related.

• In each dream, I am getting crossdressed.

• In each dream, I am getting crossdressed away from home, i.e., in a hotel room or in a bedroom that is not familiar to me.

• In each dream, I awake before I am finished crossdressing (which is very frustrating, by the way).

• In each dream, friends and/or relatives are present or nearby when I am crossdressing and they are encouraging, supportive, and/or approving.

I don't know much about the significance of dreams, but I am going to research the subject to try and understand why I am dreaming what I am dreaming.

new drug treatment for transgender kids

A new treatment for transgender kids puts puberty on hold so that they won't develop into their biological sex.

Read all about it here.

another trans dream

I had another trans-dream last night.

I remembered some of the details when I awoke this morning, but after attending a funeral on this very hot summer day, the details are lost now and all I remember is that I had a trans-dream.

By the way, it was so hot and humid that the only way I would crossdress today is by wearing an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, yellow polka dot bikini.

missing underwear!

I remembered another dream last night and, of course, if I remembered it, then it must be a trans-dream.

I am in a room getting ready to attend a formal event. The room is not my home, but a bedroom in someone's home or in a classy hotel suite.

I remember exactly what I was planning to wear: a champagne colored babydoll cocktail dress.

I finish doing my makeup and start getting dressed, but I can't find my underwear. I am sure I packed it. In fact, I remember exactly where I packed it, but it isn't there. I search high and low without success. I keep looking everywhere, then the dream fades away.

separated at birth

I just noticed that the girls in today's Femulate This and The Femulated photos look alike. The Femulate This photo is a Spiegel model, whereas The Femulated photo is an Argentine transvestite entertainer named Florencia de la V.

right out of fictionmania*

When I was a kid in the mid-1960s, my mother worked in a discount department store that went out of business long before the arrival of Wal*Marts and K*Marts. Mom worked the 5 to 10 PM shift in the fabrics department, cutting yards of fabric for customers to take home to sew.

Everyday, my Dad, who worked 7 AM to 3:30 PM, would send us kids to bed around 9:30 PM and then drove across town to pick up my mother from work. During that drive, we were supposed to go to sleep. Sometimes I fell asleep, sometimes I did not.

On those nights I did not fall asleep, I would hear my parents come home and listen to them exchange stories about their day. I don't remember many of their stories, but I do remember a story concerning one of my mother's customers. Evidently, this woman was a regular customer, became friendly with my mother, and confided with her that all the fabrics and dress patterns she had been purchasing were for outfits she sewed for her son. The boy was about my age and preferred dressing as a girl; his mother willingly complied with his wishes. At one point, the woman brought her son to the store dressed as a girl and my mother remarked that he was a very pretty girl.

As you can imagine, this story impressed me. I wished I was that boy. I wondered if my mother would do the same for me.

My mother was a whiz at the sewing machine and sewed outfits for her and my sister. I am sure if I confided in her, she would have sewn a few dresses for me, too.

* www.fictionmania.com

"femulate this:" and "the femulated:"

The images on the right change on a daily basis (more or less).

In the past, I have received a few comments regarding the Femulate This: images and no comments regarding The Femulated: images. The comments regarding the Femulate This: images have been positive; the commenters like what they see.

The Femulate This: images have been on the blog since the get-go (or soon after the get-go), while I added The Femulated: images more recently.

I never explained the purpose of these images.

I think that purpose of the Femulate This: images is obvious, i.e., they are images of females to emulate. (I can dream, can't I?)

The purpose of The Femulated: images is to illustrate the attempts of others to emulate females. (Yes, the images portray males emulating females.)

happy independence day

The Fourth of July is just a reference to a calendar date. No matter how much they try to brainwash us with "Fourth of July," remember it is really Independence Day, the day that the colonists thumbed their noses at the British and said we will do it our way, not your way.

Independence Day was the precursor of our Constitution and the Bill of Rights that some of our current leaders and fellow citizens are trying to curtail (and have curtailed to some degree) to better fit their idea of what this nation should be: a nation under their "Christian" god.

Well, their Christian god is not mine. Their god does not have compassion for anyone that does not follow what they consider to be society's "norms." There is no room for transpeople, as well as the other segments of GLBT in the nation under their Christian god.

Our forefathers separated from Britain to get away from people like these so-called Christians and it is time we reclaim the real meaning of Independence Day here before it is just a fond memory.

And remember, Jesus Christ was a liberal, not a neo-con.

daddy got new shoes

Payless is showing their fall lineup of shoes on their web site (check out "New Arrivals"). The description for one of their new women's shoe style was interesting:



If it's a "menswear pump," shouldn't it be listed with the men's shoes, not the women's shoes?

I will be anxious to see what the guys will be wearing with their new menswear pumps this fall. Perhaps, a menswear pencil skirt and menswear pantyhose and, of course, a menswear pocketbook.

not that there is anything wrong with it

I naively assume that people are aware that if you are a crossdresser, you are not necessarily homosexual.

I think that assumption is wrong.

Surfing the Internet, I discovered the error of my ways. The average Joe and Josephine believe that if you crossdress, you must be gay. For example, read the comments following this blog entry on J Morgetron's blog Tres Bizarre.

The fact is that if you crossdress, you are not necessarily gay. I crossdress and I assure you that I am heterosexual. The majority of crossdressers I know or have known (and I have known hundreds) are in the same boat, i.e., they are not gay.

We crossdress because we enjoy emulating women, unlike some gay men, who use crossdressing as a means to attract men (for sexual encounters).

I admit that when I crossdress, some men have taken notice of me, so I assume I must be attractive to them. When that occurs, it affirms my ability to pass, i.e., I use it as a gauge as to how well I am crossdressing. If a man finds me attractive (and he is not a tranny chaser), then I must be doing something right.

no dreams to report

I awoke this morning knowing that I dreamed last night, but I have absolutely no recollection of what I dreamed about last night.

As noted earlier, all the dreams I remember lately are trans-oriented, so perhaps none of my dreams last night were trans-oriented and that is why I didn't remember them. On the other hand, for all I know all my dreams may be trans-oriented and I just remember dreams on a very intermittent basis.

another dream

Don't know why, but I remembered another dream. That is two nights in a row that i remembered a dream and it is another trans-oriented dream.

I am in an apartment where my recently deceased mother lived. The apartment in the dream is nothing like the one in which my late mother actually lived.

I am alone and I am sorting through her belongings deciding what to keep and what to throw out. Since I am alone, I decide to start trying on her dresses to see which ones to keep for myself. I tried on a few (none of them were anything she actually owned), then I was interrupted and the dream ended.

I need a haircut

I had a dream last night that I remembered. As I have written here before, I seldom remember my dreams. On those rare occasions that I do remember a dream, it is often trans-oriented.

For about a week now, my wife has been telling me that I need a haircut. My hair is kind of shaggy and needs to be trimmed, but it is not really long. Anyway, I will probably get it cut next week.

In my dream last night, my wife is telling me that I need a haircut just like in real life. I disagree with her and then I go look in the mirror to inspect my hair. When I look in the mirror, I am wearing a shoulder length dark brunette pageboy that is perfectly coiffed. Then, I take a comb and start combing my long hairdo.

That is all I remember.

I am not a drag queen

I am not a drag queen!

Yesterday, there was a "GLBT" pride celebration in Hartford. Today's Hartford Courant had no articles about the event, but the newspaper did publish one photo from the event, which it featured on the front page of the Connecticut section of the paper.

Guess what the photo showed?

Gay couples with their children in tow? No.

Appropriately attired transpeople taking in the event? No.

Over-the-top drag queens preparing to perform a number from Hairspray? YES!!!

You seldom see the media showing appropriately attired transpeople. That would be boring. The media prefers to show drag queens.

Some of my friends, relatives, and acquaintances know that I crossdress. They have never seen me crossdressed, but I am sure they have seen news reports about GLBT pride events and like the "report" in today's Hartford Courant, they almost always feature flamboyant drag queens. So, I have no doubt that some of my friends, relatives, and acquaintances think that when I crossdress, I dress like a drag queen, too, because that is all they know about crossdressing.

my animation

Just for fun, I added some animation I created way back when here.

my ephemera

I added a new web page here today: my ephemera.

I collect ephemera related to female impersonators and the new page displays postcards and table cards from my collection.

femman, femmen

Helen Boyd posted this on her message board under the topic new names for MTF CDs:

i asked betty to look at the male lesbians thread, & she said, "isn't it about time crossdressers came up with their own names for themselves?"

& i think she's right.

she said maybe male femme.
i suggested boyfem.

surely we can come up with others that are a little less problematic.

I suggested femman and femmen (femmen being the plural of femman).

I kind of like my suggestion. Since I don't have a flagpole to raise femman/femmen to see if anyone salutes, I will use it here in my blog.

why I am sad

After outreach on Monday, I read the student's reactions to our presentation. Commenting on the student's reactions, I wrote here yesterday, "A number of people commented that they felt sad for me because of my lack of support at home regarding my transgenderism. A couple even wrote that I was sad…"

Soshanna commented, "Why are you sad, whenever I dress up, I am always very happy..."

Despite all my blog postings that usually talk about the upsides of going out en femme, going out en femme has its downsides.

My wife is not supportive. When she initially learned about my transness over 20 years ago, she was very supportive. She encouraged me to seek out a support group; she gave me female clothing and accessories for various occasions (Christmas, birthdays, etc.); she critiqued my makeup and wardrobe to improve my female presentation; she did not disapprove in the least.

Over the years, her support diminished and she barely tolerates my transness today. I don't know why she changed. When I broach the subject, she does not explain her change in attitude; she simply says that she does not want to see her husband dressed as a woman. She is ill and I don't want to upset her, so I do not crossdress as often as I would like to crossdress… not even close.

When I do outreach, marital issues always come up and I discuss those issues honestly. I guess that brings me down, thus my apparent sadness, and some of the students sympathize with my situation.

So, now you know.