transgroomer

I heard an advertisement on Sirius OutQ Radio for an interesting product: Mangroomer, "a do-it-yourself electric back shaver."

I can only reach so far with a normal electric or manual shaver and I hate to ask someone to help me shave my back. As a result, I don't often wear tops or dresses that reveal much of my back... at least the parts of my back I cannot reach.

Mangroomer solves the problem with an extendable and adjustable handle that allow you to reach those unreachable places. It only costs $39.99 and I think I am going to order one.

dreams

I dream. We all do, but I seldom remember my dreams. When I awake, poof, they are gone!

All my dreams do not disappear into the ether, however, and I do remember one or two every month or so. And guess what? The dreams I do remember are trans-dreams, i.e., I am crossdressing or preparing to crossdress in the few dreams I remember. I wonder what that says about me?

I recorded two of my more vivid trans-dreams in my old blog and will recount them here for you who missed them. They occurred one week apart.

September 22, 2005 – Last night, I dreamed I was dressed to kill in an evening gown with all the trappings that go along with it. I was at a banquet hall attending a crossdressers' event. As I was fluttering around the room, I found myself near the entrance to the hall as two of my aunts come walking in. One aunt remarked, "Doesn't he make a beautiful woman!" They seemed happy and supportive. More of my relatives showed up soon after, but the details are blurry and I can't remember who else showed up and how they reacted.

September 29, 2005 – I'm crossdressed again and I am at a family gathering at one of my uncle's homes. One of my aunts (the same one who was in my previous dream) remarked that I would look much nicer if I shaved my legs. Soon, she produced a razor and insisted that I shave my legs, which I proceeded to do.

That's all I remember.

Two thoughts regarding these dreams:

1. I believe that this particular aunt always suspected that I crossdressed.

2. I never crossdress without shaving my legs.

a nonmigrating bird

The weather has been fluctuating on a daily basis in these parts lately. One day, it is hot like the summer in late July. Next day, it is cool like spring in early April. It was so cool a few days this week that I was considered turning on the furnace to take the chill out of the air.

I expect that as June progresses, it will become more like summer and less like spring, which means I will be hanging up my wig and heels until the cooler weather returns in September.

I do have two en femme outings planned later this month: the Creative Cocktail Hour at Real Art Ways on the 21st and another outreach at Southern Connecticut State University on the 25th, so I hope the weather is cooperative. I'd prefer cool, but hot is ok as long as it is not humid.

If I was a bird, I could migrate north to cooler climes during the summer and be able to dress en femme all year long. But, I am not a bird, so my annual summer hiatus from emulating a bird is upon me.

conference dedicated to families raising trans-kids

Gender Odyssey Presents Conference Dedicated to Families Raising Gender-Variant Kids

Seattle, WA (PRWEB) June 7, 2007 -- Families with gender variant and transgender children will find a wealth of information and support at Gender Odyssey's first national conference focused specifically on them. The ground-breaking conference will be held Aug. 31 -- Sept. 2, 2007 at the Washington State Trade and Convention Center in Seattle. At this event, families with kids who do not conform to society's traditional gender expectations can connect with each other, while having access to national experts in the field of gender variance.

Read the whole story here or download the press release here.

new Oprah book club pick has transgender protagonist

Go here to read about the 2003 Pulitzer Prize-winning story of a Greek American girl who becomes a teenage boy in 1970s Detroit .

so, who’s that ‘guy’ over there?

I so sympathize with the thoughts expressed in this posting on Donna's Wandering Aloud weblog.

Girlette TransFusion

Click here to see larger version.

what she wrote again

After reading the bad news about Connecticut's transgendered rights legislation, I immediately sent an e-mail to my state representative. I know it is late, but the fat person has not sung yet so there is still a chance to get this bill passed this year.

Here is what I wrote (the names have been changed to protect the crossdresser):

Hello Representative X,

I read in today's Hartford Courant that the transgendered rights legislation (SB-1044) is in trouble. It broke my heart when I read that news.

Please don't let the bill die. There are thousands of transgendered individuals in Connecticut that need the protection afforded by this bill and I urge you to do what you can to rekindle the fire and get this critical civil rights legislation passed in this session.

Thank you for your time.

Staci Hunter

transgender rights bill loses momentum

By Colin Poitras, Hartford Courant

HARTFORD, CT – An effort to give transgender individuals equal protection under the state's anti-discrimination laws got bogged down in debate Monday, leaving the bill's future in doubt with the legislative session scheduled to end at midnight Wednesday.

The proposal had made its way through several legislative committees earlier this year and was approved by the state Senate May 23. But after nearly three hours of House debate Monday afternoon, the bill was set aside, a sign that the legislation is in trouble.

Read the whole sad story here.

most interesting bunny of the human variety

When you search flickr, the search results in two categories: Most Recent and Most Interesting. For example, if you search on "xylophones," you can view the photos of xylophones in the order that they were added to flickr with the newest photos first (Most Recent) or in the order that flickr deems "most interesting."

I have no idea what their criteria is for "most interesting," but I discovered today that one of my photos is now at the top of the list for "most interesting" (in the "playboy bunny" category). That is quite an achievement considering that there are 406 "playboy bunny" photos on flickr and the vast majority are real females.

anti-discrimination law applies to New Jersey transgendered

By Andrea Gurwitt, Herald News

It comes too late to help Carol Barlow, but she certainly could have used it.

Could have invoked it when she got fired.

Could have pointed to it when the job interviewer laughed in her face.

Could have sued after, she says, her boss said, "When you become Carol or whatever the hell you're doing, you're out of there."

Because Carol Barlow used to be Bruce Barlow. And first Bruce, and then Carol, suffered harassment, indignities and discrimination at one job and then another, and still more on innumerable job interviews.

Well, that won't cut it anymore.

Starting June 17, it will be illegal under state law for businesses to discriminate against Carol Barlow and any other transgender person. New Jersey's anti-discrimination law, already one of the most far-reaching in the country, will add "gender identity and expression" to its list of protected categories for employment, housing, public accommodation, credit and business contracts

Read the rest of the story here.

getting unstuck

I take my wife shopping nearly every weekend. Sometimes she shops at Fashion Bug, where I have done some shopping myself in the past en femme. However, when I go in boy mode with my wife, I help my wife find things, but never look for anything for myself.

Today, my wife wanted to go to Fashion Bug to buy jeans, so I drove her to the nearest store. There was a big sale in the store. I have never seen it so busy. Mostly females with a handful of male significant others.

I helped my wife find jeans in her size and while she was trying them on, I began perused the jewelry racks searching for those rare pairs of clip-on earrings. I found four pairs!

Next, I perused the clearance racks of dresses and found a nice dress and sweater set in my size. I continued shopping, but did not find anything else, although I did seriously consider a pair of brown suede high heel pumps.

Anyway, for some reason, I got unstuck today and instead of just hanging around Fashion Bug waiting for my wife to finish shopping, I was completely uninhibited and shopped in boy mode for female wear without a care.

avon calling

I have been an Avon product representative for over ten years. As a result, I see lots of products and purchase some for myself (mostly jewelry and makeup).

Although, I have sold a lot of the miracle skin care products that are supposed to remove wrinkles, I never paid them much mind. However, about a year ago, I received a free sample of a product that was supposed to deal with wrinkles around the eyes. Looking in the mirror at the wrinkles developing around my 55-year-old eyes, I decided to try the free sample.

After a week or so, I noticed that the wrinkles were less noticeable. After a few weeks, I had to examine my eyes closely to find the wrinkles. As a result, I was sold on miracle skin care products.

I began using other skin care products, too. A year later, the wrinkles around my eyes are still there, but they are not as deep as they once were and as a result,they are less noticeable, which is the goal for using this stuff. My skin is also smoother, more supple, and healthier-looking. My makeup goes on easier and looks better.

Here is my daily skin care regime:

• In the morning after shaving, I cleanse my face with an exfoliant (Avon's Sweet Finish).

• After using the exfoliant, I apply an eye cream around my eyes (Avon's Anew Ultimate transforming lift eye cream).

• Next, I apply a moisturizer to the rest of my face and to my neck (Avon's Healthy Boost Skintrition Moisture Lotion).

• Before I go to bed, I cleanse my face with the exfoliant, then I apply a night cream to my whole face and neck (Avon's Ultimate Night transforming lift cream).

I am not pushing Avon products. There may be other products out there that are just as good and maybe better. I am just telling you what I use and the reason I use Avon products is that as an Avon rep, I am very familiar with their product line, can obtain samples easily, and can buy the stuff at a discount.

The proof is in the pudding. Look at my photos. Do I look 56 years old?

Last month, when I was doing outreach at a local university, a woman in the class remarked how good I looked for my age. Immediately, another woman jumped in and said how well I was put together. After that comment, nearly all the women started talking at once, commenting about how nice I looked.

I think that all my hard work has paid off.

can' stand the heat, get out of the wig

Overnight, the humidity rose dramatically. Yesterday, it was around 50%; this morning, it is around 80%.

About 30 minutes ago, I walked the dogs for about one mile along a shaded path and by the end of the walk, the dogs were panting and my T-shirt was soaked.

In my case, this is not good weather for going out en femme. I perspire easily, which is a nice way of saying that "I sweat a lot." Add a wig, foundation makeup, foundation garments, and pantyhose and I will be swimming.

My wig pusher loves me in short wigs and back in February, she convinced me to buy a very short wig . (That's it in the photo above; same style, same color.) I have not worn it out yet, but I hope that since it is shorter than the wigs I normally wear, that it will be more comfortable in the warm, humid weather.

We will see.

bloggapedia

"Congratulations! Your link has been approved on Bloggapedia.com." This news arrived in the morning's e-mail.

FYI, Bloggapedia.com is a directory of weblogs and now, this blog is listed along with 54 other transgendered blogs in their directory. Look in the "Society Blogs" sub-directory for the Transgendered blogs directory or just go directly here.

first transgender officer on KC’s police

By Christine Vendel, The Kansas City Star

KANSAS CITY — One sign of her new life: Jessica tweezes her eyebrows. And every day she takes a handful of hormones as her body adjusts to living as a woman. Her co-workers are slowly getting used to working with a transgender police officer.

Jessica, a Kansas City police officer, is 6 feet tall with a chin dimple, pink manicured fingernails and a birth certificate that says “male.”

But in her mind, Jessica believes she has always been a female.

You can read the rest of the story and view a video here.

By the way, I have one problem with this article, a quotation that reads, "The most generally accepted estimate is that one in 12,000 persons in the United States is transgender..." Isn't that a very low estimate? It seems to me that five percent of the population is the figure usually associated with transgendered estimates.

crossdresser has coming-out party at town meeting

By Fred Hanson, The Patriot Ledger

RANDOLPH, MA — You could call it Stephanie Edwards' first town meeting, even though she has attended the sessions for more than two decades.

Under a different name and persona.

“What better place to come out for the first time in the general public than at town meeting?” Edwards asked.

The decision to appear in her female persona at town meeting wasn't difficult.

Edwards, 53, has been attending events and going to social occasions as a woman for more than a decade.

“I go to the bank and the supermarket. Why should town meeting be any different? I dress (as a woman) as much as I can when I can. This is the other half of my identity,” she said.

Edwards has gone to government meetings as a woman, testifying before the Boston City Council on legislation that would prohibit discrimination based on gender identification.

She is also working on behalf of similar legislation at the state level. About the only place she dresses as a man is to work. Her male persona, Stuart Glass, works for the state, but does not want to identify the agency or position.

Her appearance in a long purple dress on the opening night of town meeting on May 15 created a buzz of conversation among other elected town meeting members and spectators.

Most smaller towns in Massachusetts have an open town meeting, with any registered voter allowed to take part in decision-making. But Randolph is among the communities run by a representative town meeting, with 200 members elected to conduct the town's business at annual and special town meetings.

A town meeting member since 1985, Glass rarely spoke on town meeting floor. Edwards did not go to the microphone once during the four nights of town meeting, which concluded Tuesday night.

Town Moderator Kevin Reilly, who presides over the sessions, said he didn't get any complaints about Edwards.

"Other than it was pointed out to me the first evening, I didn't hear about it," Reilly said. "It didn't become an issue."

Town Clerk Brian Howard said there were a couple of minor procedural questions. Edwards checked in as Glass, whose name appeared on the ballot and voters' list.

"Is it unique? Yes, it's unique," Howard said. "We're a tolerant community."

The town's population is racially, ethnically and religiously diverse. Its School Committee includes an openly gay member.

Edwards said the comments she's heard have been positive.

"It's been good so far. People have been polite," Edwards said. "People have complimented me on my appearance, mainly women."

Fashions at town meeting can vary widely, from town officials in jacket and tie to backbenchers in shorts and Red Sox T-shirts.

Edwards performs a couple of times a month at the Randolph Country Club, which caters to gay people. She's also starting a "drag queen entertainment" business, performing everything from Barbara Streisand songs to country music and current hits.

"I got loads of wigs, loads of outfits and loads of CDs," she said.

Glass has an image consulting business for transgendered people, men who identify themselves as women and women who identify themselves as men. Edwards has not undergone the treatments and surgery to change her gender, saying she has problems with the medical process.

Married for many years, Glass' divorce is about to become final.

Edwards believes her action has helped raise awareness of transgender individuals in the community.

"You don't become transgender; you're born that way," said Edwards. "I was just born the wrong sex. I feel better about myself as a woman."

This story appeared here in the online edition of The Patriot Ledger on June 31, 2007. This link is correct, but it looks like somebody hacked it. I contacted The Patriot Ledger about the problem and they are working on it. They did e-mail the whole story to me and I have posted it above.

a pride trans-formation

D.C.'s trans community organizes its first dedicated Capital Pride event

Washington, DC — With new protections for transgender people going into effect in October 2006, Washington has the distinction of leading the country in protecting the transgender community from discrimination, according to the D.C. Trans Coalition.

Among the protections offered by the city, transgender people cannot be prevented from using gender-specific facilities, such as restrooms; employers must treat transgender medical needs as they would any other legitimate medical need; and neither businesses nor city agencies can require a person to disclose information about gender transition.

But on June 3, D.C.'s trans community will achieve another milestone, this time outside of the legal realm. On that Sunday, the community will celebrate the first Trans Pride.

"It's very, very, very important," says SaVanna Wanzer, chair of Capital Pride's transgender committee, a board member at the Whitman-Walker Clinic, and a self-identified trans woman. "It's been a terrible fight just getting this event together, with budget issues. The transgender community needs its own event, rather than just using us as entertainment. That's all we've been allowed to do."

Read the rest of the story here.

comments

Yesterday, I received an e-mail from a reader of this blog. She wrote that she liked my blog, but added that my blog does not get a lot of comments.

This is true. Reader comments here are scarce.

It is not the nature of the beast. I read a lot of other trans-oriented blogs regularly and some have few, if any, comments, while other trans-blogs that have lots of comments.

I can surmise that my blog readers agree with what I write 100% and have nothing to add or they so disagree with me that they don't know where to begin and just don't bother. Another thought is that what I write here is just so much fluff and readers don't think it is worth their time to comment on the fluff.

In reality, I just don't know. Nevertheless, comments or not, I plan to keep on blogging for the foreseeable future.

engendering change

Read one writer's take on all the recent happy transgender news: engendering change.

it's hard to be a dude these days

It's hard to be a dude these days, so put on a dress and embrace your feminine side.

church to hold transgender forum

male-to-female minister will preach at service

CHAPEL HILL, NC — John Thompson has never met a transgender person, that he knows of.

"I've met someone I think might be, but that person has not said they are," Thompson said Tuesday.

"But I'm going to," he added.

That's because Thompson, an elder at The Church of Reconciliation, is helping to bring a transgender minister to town next month for a free weekend workshop on transgender issues.

Read the rest of the story here.

dressing like a Primer Impacto woman

Primer Impacto is a news program broadcast twice daily by Univision. It features gorgeous newswomen, who are usually dressed to kill. [My favorite fashion plates are news anchor, Barbara Bermudo (left), and weather woman, Jackie Guerrido.]

Typically, the women on Primer Impacto wear beautiful clothes (dresses and heels), which are a little over the top for the average television newswoman. For example, the woman often wear strappy high heel sandals, i.e., footwear that you are more likely to see on something like Dancing With the Stars rather than CBS Evening News.

In my next life, I want to come back as a Primer Impacto newswoman, but in the meantime, I can dress like one.

what he wrote

Surprise! I just received a reply to my e-mail asking my state representative to support the gender anti-discrimination legislation .

My state rep wrote (his name has been changed to protect this crossdresser):

Staci,

Thank you for contacting me. I appreciate your stance on S.B. 1044, and I will take your thoughts and concerns into consideration as this legislation moves forward.

Best Regards,

X

I hope his reply is a good sign. My state senator never replied to my e-mail and he ended up being one of the few senators to vote against the bill.

what she wrote

The Connecticut state legislature is considering gender anti-discrimination legislation. The bill passed in the senate with flying colors (by a vote of 30-4) and is likely to come up for a vote in the house of representatives in the next few days.

I wrote to my state senator asking him to support the bill when it came up for a vote. The bum was one of the four to vote against it.

Last night, I wrote to my state representative to support the bill. Here is what I wrote (the names have been changed to protect the crossdresser):

Hello Representative X,

I am one of your constituents, who lives in Podunk. I am writing to you today to urge you to vote in favor of SB-1044, An Act Concerning Discrimination.

Every day I fear that I may be fired, denied basic housing, denied credit and otherwise, suffer from discrimination just because I am transgendered.

I urge you to seriously consider all the stories presented as part of the public hearing in support of this legislation and to support the transgender community as being productive, useful and contributory citizens of this state.

This legislation is not about "special" rights; it is about "basic human and equal rights"! Please vote in favor of SB-1044.

Sincerely,

Staci Ann Hunter*
staci-staci@sbcglobal.net
Podunk, CT

* Staci Ann Hunter Is not my legal name. It is the name I use when I present as a woman in order to protect my male identity, another burden that would be lessened by the passage of SB-1044.

nightmare girls

My spouse and I watched Dream Girls last night. It was excruciating! I can't believe it was considered for the Academy Awards best picture! Jennifer Hudson was good and probably deserved the various awards she won for her role in the film, but I dunno for sure because half way through the film, I asked my spouse if she thought the film was as bad as I thought it was. She agreed and we stopped watching it.

The music was not my cup of tea. I wanted to hear a Motown-like sound. Instead, I heard a Broadway sound, not that there is anything wrong with that. I like show tunes as much as the next guy wearing a sequins dress, but the movie was supposed to be about Detroit music in the 1960s, not NYC. What a disappointment!

On the positive side, Beyoncé Knowles was gorgeous and the retro gowns that the Dream Girls wore in the film were to die for! I will probably fast-forward the second half of the film to catch any other Beyoncé and evening gown highlights.

on the radio

With my new car came a free three-month subscription to Sirius satellite radio.

Looking at the Sirius literature that came in the mail a few days ago, I noticed that channel 109 is Sirius OutQ Radio, which provides "news, interviews and music on America's only 24/7 radio station from and for the GLBT community."

So, I dialed up channel 109 to check it out and see how much of the T part of that GLBT community gets airplay. The jury is still out, but I have heard some T-related items during the short time I have been monitoring channel 109. I will keep on listening and report back here after I have a larger sample.

the crossdresser's diet

Saturday night, while we were deciding what to order for dinner, I mentioned how I eat less when I am en femme.

Jade Catherine chimed in that she also eats less when she is en femme and that her spouse calls it "the Jade Catherine diet."

It turns out that we have different reason for eating less en femme.

Jade Catherine eats less because she wants to maintain her girlish figure.

I eat less because when I am en femme, I usually wear some kind of foundation garment intended to shrink my tummy and waistline. If I eat too much, the foundation garment pressing on my full tummy is very uncomfortable; "my girdle is killing me" like they used to say in the Playtex ads. So, I eat less to avoid discomfort.

Sometimes, in boy mode, I eat less to achieve a slimmer figure in girl mode and have successfully dropped weight with that goal in mind, but I have never gotten down where I would like to be, i.e., thin enough to not need a girdle, waist cincher, or corset.

By the way, Jade Catherine has a great figure and does it without the aid of a girdle, waist cincher, or corset. I'm so jealous!

Connecticut state senate passes anti-discrimination bill

According to Diana, the Connecticut state senate passed the gender anti-discrimination bill today. That is absolutely wonderful news!

Bad news is that the gutless little worm, who is my state senator voted against it. That does not surprise me. He is one of those Republicans, who is so proud of his party affiliation that when he ran for the senate last fall, his campaign literature did not indicate that he was a Republican.

embarrassing moment

So, I am shopping in boy mode at Wal*Mart during my lunch hour today and I need to buy some Nair (to remove leg and arm hair). I find it for sale in a cheesy cardboard display rack in the pharmaceutical section of the store. The display is so cheesy that when I removed one container of Nair from the rack, another container came tumbling out and went splat on the floor.

As I exited the scene with all due speed, I informed a woman stacking shelves in the next aisle about the problem and she said she would take care of it.

bar groups endorse transgender rights

Read the good news out of Massachusetts. (I wish there was good news like this here in Connecticut.)

ten simple ways to save yourself from messing up your life

Go here for some good advice for trans-folks and non-trans-folks alike.

I especially need to work on these two:

Give up on feeling guilty. Guilt changes nothing. It may make you feel you’re accepting responsibility, but it can’t produce anything new in your life. If you feel guilty about something you’ve done, either do something to put it right or accept you screwed up and try not to do so again. Then let it go. If you’re feeling guilty about what someone else did, see a psychiatrist. That’s insane.

Stop being concerned what the rest of the world says about you. Nasty people can’t make you mad. Nice people can’t make you happy. Events or people are simply events or people. They can’t make you anything. You have to do that for yourself. Whatever emotions arise in you as a result of external events, they’re powerless until you pick them up and decide to act on them. Besides, most people are far too busy thinking about themselves (and worry what you are are thinking and saying about them) to be concerned about you.

fall fashions

Yesterday, I received the Newport-News fall fashion preview catalog. I love fall fashions and when the preview catalog arrives, it reminds me back when I was a kid and the Christmas toy catalog arrived!

This year's fall fashion catalog did not let me down. Page after page, I found something that I would like to wear. I probably will not buy anything until it is on sale or shows up in their clearance catalog, but then again, maybe my ship is finally coming in and I can buy one of each of everything in the catalog, on sale or otherwise.

dressing in drag for Ed Wood

"I'd get home, put a slip on, some high heels, hang out. Wearing bullet bras, garters, the whole shebang has given me newfound respect for women and profound respect for transvestites. It takes serious commitment for a man to really want to dress as a woman." – Johnny Depp at EW.com

dressing in dayton

In addition to being an amateur female impersonator, I am an amateur radio operator and attended the Dayton Hamvention this past weekend.

While in Dayton, I wanted to go out en femme Saturday night. When I mentioned my plans on (en)gender – the my husband betty message board, Jade Catherine contacted me. Jade Catherine ("JC" from hereon) lives near Dayton and had a friend staying at her house for the Hamvention, who is also a crossdresser. We decided to get together Saturday night en femme. Great! I would not have to go out crossdressed alone.

After two full days at the Hamvention, I was exhausted when I returned to my hotel room early Saturday evening; so exhausted that I was reconsidering my plans to go out en femme. But after a quick shower, I was reinvigorated and I prepared to go out.

I phoned JC and we decided to dine and go clubbing/dancing after dinner. JC, her spouse, her ham friend, Sarah, and I agreed to dine at Uno Chicago Grill in downtown Dayton.

I grabbed my keys and purse and walked down the hallway to the hotel lobby. (The accompanying photo shows how I looked before I left my hotel room.) A handful of people mingling in the lobby paid no attention to me despite my heels clicking loudly on the lobby floor.

I exited the hotel, walked to my car, drove downtown and found the restaurant, but circled the area for over ten minutes trying to find a parking space. I phoned JC for advice and her spouse suggested that I park in the same parking ramp where they had parked. She gave me directions to the ramp and I found it easily.

After parking my car, I had to walk about three blocks to the restaurant. There was not much foot traffic on my route, so I was a little worried about walking alone, but I wasn't going to let that stop me now.

On the way, a hotel shuttle bus was waiting at a traffic light and the bus driver smiled and waved at me (I smiled back). A block from the restaurant, there were groups of well-dressed people mingling outside the Schuster Center. They were probably attending an event in the center. No one paid much attention to me except one fellow, who was alone. He seemed very interested; maybe he was looking for a date!

I entered the restaurant and a waitress accompanied me to the booth where JC and company were already seated. I was stunned: What a group of beautiful woman! And so young, too!

After introductions, we chatted. I did not recognize Sarah's ham radio call sign and she did not recognize mine, so we likely have not crossed paths in the ham radio world. Turns out another ham, a non-crossdresser would be joining us. When he arrived, we exchanged call signs. I did not recognize his call sign, but he was familiar with mine having read some of the things I have written for the ham radio media.

We had a wonderful time getting acquainted, talking about our lives and careers. JC and Sarah are like me: plain vanilla crossdressers, not interested in sex-reassignment surgery, so we had a lot in common.

JC actually worked as a woman for a long time. And I can see why: she passes very well. Her photos on the Internet do not do her justice: she is even more beautiful in person. In addition to her very passable looks, she knows how to act, walk, and talk like a woman, too. She inspired me to stop being lazy and start practicing using a femme voice myself.

After a delicious pizza dinner, JC and I went clubbing, while her wife and the other hams returned home. Our first stop was a lesbian bar called Up On Main. The place was an old neighborhood bar with 15 or so lesbians inside. A DJ was playing music, but there was no one on the dance floor. Since JC was a dancer and not a drinker, she went straight to the dance floor and began dancing. I joined her and danced a bit, but JC is 20 years younger than me, so she kept on dancing while I sat out a song or two to rest.

After a half hour, JC was frustrated that no one else was dancing, so we decided to leave and go to a gay club downtown called Masque. Masque was jumping! Walking into Masque reminded me of those movies about the disco era, where the hero or heroine of the movie walks into Studio 54 or someplace similar.

Downstairs was a bar and a small stage, but no dance floor. At first, we thought the stage was the dance floor because when we came in, a couple were dancing on the stage. After walking around the bar and finding no other place to dance, JC decided to climb up on stage to dance and I agreed to join her, but before we did, I suggested we ask the DJ. Good thing we did because the stage was for a drag show! The real dance floor was upstairs. So I followed JC upstairs.

The dance floor upstairs was beautiful with fog and a fantastic light show, but the sound was deafening (my ears are still ringing). After one dance, JC wanted to leave because it was just too loud. She said next time we should bring earplugs.

By the way, while we were in Masque, a half dozen or so young females smiled at me. Maybe they were happy to see a mother figure in attendance! When I went clubbing in boy mode in my youth, I can count on one finger the number of young females that smiled at the boy mode Staci!

The women at Up On Main were friendly, too! I don't know if they had us figured out or not. For what it's worth, when I ordered a glass of water, the bartender called me "Sweetie" and not "Sir," so go figure!

We called it a night around midnight. I drove JC home. She invited me in, but I declined because I had a long drive home ahead of me on Sunday and wanted to get some sleep before I began my journey.

I had a wonderful time en femme in Dayton and I can't thank Jade Catherine enough for making it happen.

Kent State University bathrooms accommodate trans-students

May 18 2007 7:54AM

KENT, Ohio - Kent State University is accommodating transgender students with a newly relabeled unisex restroom that has four images on the door: a man, a woman, a person in a wheelchair and a man and a woman separated by a slash.

Read the rest of the restroom story here.

on the road

I will be on the road Thursday through Sunday, so my postings here will be scarce until I get back on Monday.

Jorgensen at the Jorgensen

I am a graduate of the University of Connecticut (UCONN, class of 1973 (yes, I am old!). When I attended UCONN, I was an aspiring writer and considered journalism as an outlet for my writing talent. So, I took a journalism class (and soon discovered that I did not want to be a journalist).

One assignment from my journalism class was to report on a lecture by Christine Jorgensen that the famous trans-woman was presenting at UCONN's Jorgensen Auditorium (no, the auditorium was not named after her).

I was so closeted back then. I feared that if anyone found out that I attended the lecture, I would become a marked man/trans-woman. Nevertheless, I was in awe of Ms. Jorgensen, who was one of my heroines back then, and I attended the lecture, completed my assignment, but I never told anyone about it.

I had buried this experience so well in my memory that I had completely forgotten about it until today when I came across this photo of Ms. Jorgensen on eBay.

boy selected prom queen

Fresno, CA - Johnny 'Crystal' Vera was named prom queen Saturday night as his fellow students cheered him on. Now he is hoping his victory will help spread a larger message.

Read the rest of the story here.

transgender: cover story of this week's Newsweek

"The Mystery of Gender" is the cover story of the May 21 issue of Newsweek.

With the growing number of Americans who consider themselves transgender, Assistant Managing Editor Debra Rosenberg and a team of Newsweek correspondents examines the question: what makes us male or female?

According to the National Center for Transgender Equality there are estimated between 750,000 and 3 million Americans (fewer than 1 percent)-many taking their intimate struggles public for the first time-who consider themselves transgender. With more and more young people identifying as a gender other than the one they were born with, and a growing number of schools like Smith College supporting their desire to live as the gender of choice, history and science suggest that gender is more subtle and more complicated than anatomy.

mother's day thoughts (redux)

Please read my Mother's Day thoughts in an earlier post.

believing in music: film about transgender chorus

Anyone attending a gay choral concert has experienced the strange power of seeing a group of gay men or lesbians singing together. Amplify that by about 100 percent, and you’ll get a slight idea of what it must be like to hear Transcendence, the transgender choir of San Francisco that’s the focus of the documentary The Believers. Music soothes the savage beast, and in this case, that beast is intolerance.

Read the entire story here.

trans-woman elected president Of SF police commission

The San Francisco Police Commission has elected openly-transgender Commissioner Theresa Sparks as its new President.

Sparks, who joined the commission in 2004, has a long history of advocating for the transgender community, including working on a set of transgender-specific policy reforms adopted by the Police Commission in 2003.

Read the rest of this very interesting story here.

actresses portraying trans-women

I have a pet peeve: actresses portraying trans-women.

Here are two recent portrayals that come to mind that are so unrealistic: Rebecca Romijn on Ugly Betty and Famke Jannsen on Nip/Tuck.



Both are television portrayals, but the film industry is just as guilty using actresses to portray trans-woman, for example, Raquel Welch in Myra Breckenridge and Felicity Huffman in Transamerica.

Male actors should portray trans-woman because such portrayals would be more realistic if men filled the T-girl roles. Few actresses are the right size to realistically portray a male T-person. Their voices are not convincing and in boy mode, their mannerisms are not convincing.



When male actors do portray trans-woman, the portrayals are very realistic. Cillian Murphy in Breakfast on Pluto, Lee Pace in Soldier's Girl, and Johnny Depp in Ed Wood are examples of successful portrayals of actors portraying trans-woman.

Can you imagine someone like Drew Barrymore portraying Ed Wood? I think not.

miniskirts in history

The cacina, a sacred dance, at the Zuni Pueblo, New Mexico

Report upon United States Geographical Surveys West of the One Hundredth Meridian, in charge of Capt. Geo. M. Wheeler, Corps of Engineers, U.S. Army, 1875-1889

Jean Shrimpton, British birds, and miniskirts

Surfing the net, I came across the name Jean Shrimpton. Do you remember her? I do.

In the 1960s, Jean Shrimpton was a supermodel long before they coined the term "supermodel." She was English, part of the swinging London scene, and I was infatuated with her. In fact, I was so infatuated with her that I wanted to be just like her, which was kind of difficult for An overweight 16-year-old guy with acne.

About that time, my cousin dressed up as Twiggy for Halloween. He was a perfect Twiggy because he and she both had freckles and stick-thin pubescent figures.

Another Halloween, I dressed, more or less, like Jean Shrimpton. I certainly was not stick-thin and in my opinion, nether was Jean... well, not as stick-thin as Twiggy. Also, in my opinion, Jean was prettier than Twiggy and I was prettier than my cousin, so dressing like Jean Shrimpton certainly made sense to me.

Another British bird, Jacqueline Bisset, became one of my crossdressing models. My fascination with British girls had something to do with the miniskirt.

The mini was invented in Britain by fashion designer Mary Quant and it became the defining fashion symbol of "swinging London" in the 1960s. All the British "birds" wore miniskirts, more so than American girls, and I wanted to wear miniskirts just like the girls in Britain did.

When I made my first Halloween outing en femme as Jean Shrimpton, the dress I wore was just not short enough, so I used safety pins to shorten the hem, thus, my knee length dress became a thigh high mini.

Anyway, my attraction to the British distaff side continues to this day with Elizabeth Hurley and Kate Beckinsale now at the top of my wish (I was she) list. And I still like to wear short skirts!

mother's day thoughts

Mom died last summer. She was the most influential person in my life and influenced my penchant for crossdressing in a number of ways.

She was beautiful and did not need makeup. Lipstick, powder, and rouge were all she ever used. I know because I used to enjoy watching her put on her minimal makeup.

She always dressed like a fashionable lady and that was difficult to accomplish because money was tight when I was a kid. As a result, Mom sewed her own clothes, as well as clothes for my sister. I guess I was a little jealous of my sister and wished that Mom would sew something for me, but there were few sewing patterns for boys' clothing. However, I would have been perfectly happy if she sewed a pretty dress for me like she did for my sister.

My Dad was a great guy, but he was not around much when I was growing up. He worked all the overtime he could get to make ends meet. For a few years, he also had a second job. I can remember way back to my earliest memories when I actually thought that my father was a visitor because his appearances at home during my waking hours were so rare. So, during my formative years, Dad was at work, while my Mom was at home raising my sister and me.

Since I was raised in an environment where the father figure was absent most of the time, it is no wonder that I tended to follow in the footsteps of the only figure that was available to me, my Mom. As a result, I admired her and wanted to do the things she did.

To add to my confusion, Mom often commented that because I had such nice legs, I should have been a girl. If she had made that comment once, I probably would have forgotten about it, but it seemed to me that she made that comment whenever she saw my legs bare. Don't you think that may have influenced me?

She also made comments about the way I walked. She said I "tippy-toed," i.e., I walked on my toes. I assumed from her comments that tippy-toeing was not the correct way for a male to walk, but I did not know how to walk any other way. She never showed me how I was supposed to walk, so I just kept on tippy-toeing.

I don't tippy-toe any longer. As I grew older, I must have figured out how to walk like a man. However, all my early years tippy-toeing may have facilitated my walking in high heels because ever since I slipped on my first pair, I never had a problem walking in heels.

I always took after the maternal side of my family ("You look like your mother"). So, it is no surprise that when I dress en femme, I resemble my Mom.

I don't know if Mom knew about her other daughter. I suspect she did because once she let it slip out that she was aware of my secret stash of female paraphernalia, but except for that one time, she never mentioned it.

Anyway, Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

From your loving daughter, Staci.

transgender deceiver

Largo, Fla., city manager Steve Stanton attended a conference at city expense and dressed as a woman for two seminars without telling the city. Was he deceiving the citizens of Largo or just being incredibly prudent?

Read the whole story here.

transgender teens come out in Canada at young ages

As a child, Adrian Daniels wore hockey jerseys. He dreamed of marrying figure-skating champion Katarina Witt. And each night before he went to bed, he prayed that he would wake up the next morning with something he had always wanted: a penis.

Read the rest of the story here.

transgender law deadline approaching as New Jersey businesses watch and wait

On June 12, 2007, New Jersey Bill S362 will take effect, adding “gender identity or expression” to the list of classes protected from discrimination. Employers whose actions discriminate against transgender employees may face lawsuits. Difficult compliance issues face human resources officials, including questions like which bathroom to use, how to address co-worker and customer concerns, how to change official records, and insurance coverage of transgender health care.

For the rest of the story, go here.

Miss Transgender crowned in Nepal

Less than a month after the controversial staging of the Miss Nepal pageant, the country's gay community has held a Miss Transgender contest, in a double defiance of the Maoist opposition to beauty pageants as well as homosexuality.

Read the rest of the story here.

Once Again the HRC Sells Out Trans…

Read the bad news here!

still more guy things

I spent some more time doing guy things during lunch today.

I went to Home Depot to buy some super glue to fix one of my earrings. Then, I went to Payless to buy some new shoes, but they did not have the high heels I wanted in my size. Finally, I went to Kohl's and bought a darling dress: a black and white floral tie-back dress. It was on sale for $29.99, marked down from $50. I had a $25 gift card, so it only cost me $4.99 out of pocket.

a passing interest

This is a follow-up to my day doing outreach at two Human Sexuality classes at a local university last Tuesday.

I failed to mention how well I passed in my earlier post about that day!

As I wrote previously, I brought a second pair of shoes in case the first pair hurt my feet. By the end of the first class, my 3-1/2-inch stilettos had to go, so I asked D for the keys to her car so I could fetch my more comfortable shoes.

As I walked to her car, I saw a university dump truck parked right in front of D's car. The driver was talking with another university employee standing next to the truck. Oh, damn, just what I needed: the classic trans-woman nightmare, a Tranny Vs. Macho Guy face-off.

I was ready for the worst! Making a beeline for D's car, I tried to ignore the guys, but, the guy standing by the side of the truck greeted me with a very flirtatious, "Good afternoon." while the guy in the truck smiled appreciatively as he drove away. They flirted with me! Wow – that was an affirming moment.

I switch shoes for a pair that was a little lower and a little wider and now I have to find the Student Union where D, M, and the professor were camped out in between classes. I had been in the Student Union before, but in the past, I just followed the professor to the building without paying attention to how we arrived there.

I got lost fast, so I asked for directions. First I asked a couple - girl and guy students - for directions. The guy was a real gentleman. He left the girl and walked with me down the sidewalk to a place where I could actually see the Student Union building... sort of. And pointed me in the right direction… sort of.

I headed in that general direction, but I was still a little lost. In the next building, I found two girls seated at a table selling tickets to something or other, so I asked them for directions and received similar treatment.

My success at passing was amazing that day especially since I thought that I didn't think I look my best!

Did I really pass or were the people I encountered just being very respectful of a person showing a lot of diversity?

I have no doubt that I passed with the truck guys. If they knew I was a guy, I don't think they would have flirted with me.

I probably also passed with the male student who gave me directions. He was just a little bit too solicitous dumping the young girl student to help out the older businesswoman on campus.

My encounter with the girls selling tickets was too short, so I don't know for sure, but I did not receive any discouraging signals from them.

Needless to say, I was very pleased.

And I apologize to my readers if this all seems a little tedious, but I am still at a stage in my trans-life where passing is still important and I want to note all my successes and failures.

Which bathroom to use is no easy question for transgendered people

Read about it here.

By the way, I have never had a hassle using a woman's restroom when I am out en femme.

guy things redux

Saturday afternoon, I went to the mall to buy a new dress, wallet, and shoes. I came home empty-handed. I saw nothing I liked.

That's what I get for going to a s'mall. I should have gone to a big mall where there are more stores and larger versions of the stores I visited at the s'mall.

guy things

My wife is going to a baby shower this afternoon, so I will be on my own and free to do some guy things. My plan is to go to JCPenney at the mall and buy a new dress and wallet, then go to Payless to buy some new high heel shoes.

my dream job

When I was a kid, adults often asked me (just like they probably asked you), "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I would answer with a definitive, "I dunno."

In reality, I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I didn't dare tell anyone because I wanted to be a female impersonator (or FI, for short).

Female impersonation is not the kind of career choice that is going to make Uncle Joe or Aunt Nelly proud of their nephew, so I kept a lid on my dreams and never ran away from home to join the Jewel Box Revue.

I regret that decision now, but I try to make up for it through occasional female emulation. I also live the life of a female impersonator vicariously by reading about the subject as often as I can.

If you are interested in female impersonation, I recommend a couple of sites on the Internet that deal with its history:

Drag Artists & Female Impersonators, which is part of JD Doyle's Queer Music Heritage Web site.

David de Alba's Web site – Alba was a female impersonator and his Web site includes interviews with other female impersonators and pictorial tributes of other FIs.

Vermont House Votes to Add Transgender Protections

Read about the good news from our neighbors up north.

Alexis Arquette On Being Transgender

I always found Alexis to be interesting. Read about her latest adventures here.

a tough question, a tougher answer

Whenever I tell my trans life story like I did at two Human sexuality classes on Tuesday, I always mention that I never told my wife about my crossdressing before we were married because I bought into the old wives' tale that marriage would cure me of crossdressing.

When I did come out to my wife about crossdressing after we were married, she was initially supportive, but less so as the years passed. Meanwhile, I became better at crossdressing mainly due to her suggestion that I seek out a support group, which taught me how to be a better crossdresser. Regardless, I enjoy crossdressing a lot and would do it more often if my wife did not dislike it so. And I feel guilty for not telling her before we got married, so I only crossdress once or twice a month in deference to her.

On Tuesday, one of the female students asked me if I could do it over again and told my wife about my crossdressing before marriage and as a result, she dumped me, what would I do? Would I continue dating and try to find a woman that accepted my crossdressing? Or what?

That was a very thoughtful question and a difficult one to answer quickly. I replied that if I could do it over again and my wife rejected me before marriage because of my crossdressing*, then I probably would continue looking. I know that such a woman would be very hard to find and that I would probably be unsuccessful, give up, and live full time as a woman.

Truthfully, if I had to do it over again, I would live full time as a woman and skip the formalities of searching fruitlessly for a woman that accepted me. If one came along, that would be great, but I would not put a lot of effort into finding Ms. Right.

Recently, there was a survey posted on Helen Boyd's message board asking "what woman you'd actually want to be?" There were a wide variety of answers, but mine was unique: "Staci Hunter - I very much like the woman I am when I crossdress. If I could live as Staci full-time, I think I would be one heck of a woman and would not want to be anyone else."

I really believe that!

So, do I owe it to myself to live the way I want to live? Should I burn all my bridges behind me and start living as a woman on a full-time basis? Do I abandon my commitment to my wife and become the woman I want to be? We only go around once. I won't have this opportunity again. I just don't know.

* By the way, I asked my wife if she would have dumped me if I had told her about my crossdressing before we were married and she replied that she probably would have stuck with me anyway.

yesterday, all my troubles seemed so faraway

Yesterday, I participated in two Human Sexuality classes at a local university with two other trans-woman. In each class, we each took turns telling our trans-life stories and then the class asked questions.

In the first class, there were only two of us, D and myself because M was stuck in traffic. After our biographies, the professor split the class into two groups for the question and answer period. When I participated in the past, the professor was unable to do this because there were no empty classrooms available, but yesterday a room was available across the hall, so half the class followed me there and we had our Q&A period.

I found that this arrangement was much better than when the whole class asked questions to all the trans-participants. The group was smaller, more intimate, and personal, so the students were less inhibited asking questions. Also, since I was the only one answering questions, they concentrated on my transness and I did not have to deal with transsexual questions.

In the second class, an empty room was not available, so the class was not split, and the Q&A period was noticeably less dynamic with a lot of lulls and dead air.

In both classes, most of the questions I answered were similar to ones I answered in past classes, but there were a few unique questions, too.

Q: When you are out crossdressed in public, have you ever run into someone you knew and what did you do?

A: It occurred once. I was shopping in a department store and saw a female co-worker. Normally, I would have just continued shopping because I am confidant that no one recognizes me when I am crossdressed. But in this case, I avoided my co-worker because she had seen me crossdressed for a Halloween costume contest that my employer had conducted two years earlier. I thought that she would likely recognized me and I was not competing in a Halloween costume contest.

Q: Don't you worry that your voice gives you away when you are out crossdressed in public?

A: My voice has never been an issue as far as passing as a woman is concerned. (By the way, my voice is not deep and I am soft-spoken even in male mode. In female mode, I just crank the softness up a few notches and hope for the best.) Then, I turned the question around and asked the class, "If you did not know I was a crossdressed male, do you think my voice would give me away?" Three or four students answered, "No."

Q: What is your favorite crossdressing film?

A: Just Like A Woman, a British film that represents the most honest portrayal of a crossdressing heterosexual male I have ever seen. Although the film had a typical sappy Hollywood ending, I found the film valuable because I could relate closely to the crossdressing character.

The highlight of the day was during the first class. After we broke into two groups and the Q&A was concentrated on me, a female student asked about my nails.

Q: Why do you have your nails done only to go out once or twice a month?

A: I wear pre-glued, stick-on nails that take about 5 minutes to apply.

That led to a comment from another female student about how good I looked for my age. Immediately, another female jumped in and said how well I was put together. After that comment, nearly all the females started talking at once, commenting about how nice I looked. I blushed with embarrassment and thanked them for their compliments. That Kodak moment ended abruptly as the professor entered the classroom with the late M in tow, but I was basking in the glory of that moment for the rest of the day and even now as I write this I feel very pleased.

By the way, I wore my black wool suit yesterday. The jacket has three quarter sleeves, which are more like half sleeves on me. Under the jacket is a matching sleeveless knee-length A-line dress. I also wore off-black pantyhose, silver jewelry, and my sexy black high heel pumps. I looked very much like a business woman visiting the university.

I have never worn those shoes for an extended period of time, so I was unsure how comfortable they would be. So, I brought along another pair of shoes that I knew were comfortable and all-day wearable. Lucky I did because by the end of the first class, my feet hurt, so I switched shoes and was more comfortable the rest of the day.

We did not eat out after the classes like we normally do because D had to attend an evening class she is taking at another local university, so we ate in the student union.

All in all, it was another great day out en femme and I was sorry it had to end!

en femme again

Tomorrow, I spend the day en femme again.

I will be ready to go out about 9 or 10 AM. I will meet D around 11:30 AM and we will travel to the university in New Haven where we will be doing outreach for two human sexuality classes in the afternoon. Since I will have some free time before I meet D, I may do some shopping at the mall or maybe I will go to a park and take some photos.

The weather is supposed to be on the cool side, so I plan to wear something more winter-like than summer-like: a two-piece tweed suit.

I am so looking forward to the day out!

can I picture sophia loren wearing it?

Recently, I read a blog that discussed the subject of dressing appropriately for your age. The blog was "What To Wear This Very Second" and the pertinent post in that blog was "How To Dress Your Age."

I recommend reading it, but I want to repeat (and comment on) the author's checklist for determining whether someone is dressed appropriately...

So, when considering whether you'd look good in a particular piece, use the following checklist:

1. Do I look good?

2. Do I feel good?

3. Does it say something positive (and perhaps truthful) about my rank in life?

4. Can I picture Sophia Loren wearing it?

In my opinion, question number 4 does it for me! If I can imagine the 70-something Ms. Loren wearing the same outfit that I am wearing, then I believe it is perfectly appropriate for this 40-something-else female wannabe.

size

Lately, I have been noticing the tiny size of some women I know. Some seem to be only 5 foot 2 and 99 pounds soaking wet. They wear size 0 or less. They buy clothes in the children's department.

I do not compare favorably with such women. I am a foot taller and twice the weight (on a good day). So, when I am out en femme, I try to avoid tiny women like the plague.

Standing or walking alone, people see a big, tall woman, but if I stand or walk near a tiny woman, people now have a point of reference. They see how much bigger I really am and then the start putting two and two together and come up with man.

a rare sighting

During my lunch hour, I usually walk a mile or so around the office park here where I work.

Yesterday, while I was walking by the parking lot of one of our neighbors, I heard one of my favorite sounds: high heels clicking on pavement. I looked around and found the source of the sound: a woman walking through the parking lot wearing high heels. She also wore a skirt or dress with a mid-calf hemline under a long coat.

What a rare sight! On the average, I see one or two dozen women on my daily lunch hour walks, but I seldom see any wearing skirts and heels. Usually they wear slacks, trousers, or jeans with sneakers or flats, which is what I usually wear when I walk.

And that's the problem! If more women wore skirts and heels, then I wouldn't stand out so much when I wear skirts and heels.

questions & comments I received during outreach

I added a new page to My Adventures in Femulation. The page is called questions & comments I received during outreach and I will update it whenever I receive new questions and comments while participating in future outreaches.

outreaching again

I will be doing outreach May 1 for two human sexuality classes at a local university. This is always an interesting experience because it gives me an opportunity to show young adults that crossdressers are like other people and not crazy, perverted, sick, (you insert the adjective) individuals as often portrayed by the media.

Fielding the variety of questions that the students ask is stimulating. Some of the questions they ask, I have heard from students during past outreaches, but there are always a couple of unique questions that are thought provoking.

Now, the big question for me to answer is "what to wear?"

my new girly car

I bought a new car and picked it up at the dealer the other day. My feminine side must have been in high gear when I picked it out because when I drove it home and showed it to my spouse, she said it was "pretty."

Now, I am looking forward to driving my girly car en femme.

other sites for crossdressed film buffs

Two other excellent Web sites for crossdressed film buffs are Hazel Freeman's International Transgender Film Guide and Tiffany's TG Movie Guide. Hazel's guide lists any film with transgendered content, while Tiffany's guide only lists films with male-to-female transgendering.

site for crossdressed film buffs

I am a big film fan. Yet, I seldom go to the movies. (Last movie I saw at a theater was Clerks II.)

However, I do have a Blockbuster subscription and I also have the big movie package on Dish Network, so I watch a lot of movies from the comfort of my home.

Over the years, I lost count how many times I would be watching a film for the first time and surprise, crossdressing appears in film unexpectedly.

Being a crossdressed film buff, I used to make note of the film if it contained crossdressing. Then I found a Web site that already had recorded each film appearance of crossdressing. The site is JK's Transgender Movie Guide. It has been on the Internet for a long time and is very comprehensive. I highly recommend it.

some good news for the crossdressed

The IFGE (International Foundation for Gender Education) held their annual convention in Philadelphia last week. I did not attend, but author Helen Boyd did and she had some good news for crossdressers in her blog:

"When we arrived at IFGE, we were greeted nearly immediately by Veronica Vera & Mariette Pathy Allen, even while we were checking in! Miss Vera would answer the question 'Are crossdressers obsolete?' in her opening remarks the next day, & she looked fantastic. (Her answer, in a nutshell, was 'no.')

"Crossdressers made a graceful stand for their place in the trans community this year, as in addition to Miss Vera, Miqqi Gilbert received a Trinity Award & delivered an acceptance speech that both (1) asked crossdressers to step up & (2) asked anyone who would disrespect or exclude CDs to step off. I was damned glad to hear it, since there really are some trans women who come off so smug I often feel tempted to mention that being a woman does not prevent one from liking crossdressers."

a member of the third gender

Today's newspaper interviews James Lescene, who is an actor starring in I Am My Own Wife, a one-actor play about Charlotte von Mahlsdorf, who was born a man, but lived openly as a woman in East Germany under the Nazi and Communist regimes.

I appreciated Lescene's answer to the following question: Did Charlotte ever want to be a transsexual?

Lescene replied, "She said, 'I wanted to live as a woman. I did not want to become a woman.' She felt that was closer to who she was. She felt that was closer to who she was. In most cultures, there is a third gender, and I think she represents that. She didn't want to be a woman, and she didn't want to be a man. She wanted to be this third thing. The fact that during a period of history in which everybody was required to be either one thing or the other, strictly, she somehow managed to be that third thing. It's not that she wanted to be gay. She wanted to live her life as this third thing, which there was no room for.

"That's why the play is so timely, I think. I look around now and think it's crazy. Everybody has to be either this or that, even in the gay community. There's very little discussion or room for this third gender. When people think of transvestites or transsexuals, they always think of kooks. They don't think about the people who are quietly living their lives and trying to be their own person. For better or worse, Charlotte was her own person."

the old girls' club

There was an article in my support group's newsletter about a road trip to see a presentation by Jennifer Finney Boylan, the author She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders.

According to the article, “After her presentation Ms Boylan opened up the floor for questions. After several ‘easy’ questions… Jenny was hit with a rather uncomfortable question from a genetic woman in her early 50s. The woman was truly trying to work this thing called transgenderism out, but she took the mood of the whole night in a different direction with her barrage of questions and comments.

“The tone of her questions was searching, but antagonistic. She basically said that she didn’t get transgenderism and that how can Jenny, after living the life of a privileged upper class white male, now expect to be welcomed as a woman. She further pointed out that Jenny did not have to go through growing up as a female, being teased by boys, dealing with menstruation, dealing with childbirth, and facing everyday discrimination. The woman topped it off by saying ‘frankly, I don’t want you as a member of my club.’

“Jenny was clearly shocked as was most of the audience and was taken aback and put on the defensive. She paused to compose herself, thought, and delivered her answer. Jenny agreed that these were all fair questions but that she did not expect them and could not answer them all right now…”

True, Jenny (and I) “did not have to go through growing up as a female, being teased by boys, dealing with menstruation, dealing with childbirth, and facing everyday discrimination.” However, growing up as a white male, who had yearnings to be female, at least some of the time, I was teased by boys and faced discrimination.

As a boy, I was not considered “macho,” although that term did not even exist in the English language when I was growing up. Other boys called me “fairy,” “twinky,” ”faggot,” and “sissy.” I did not know why. I did not think that I acted effeminately. I did not think that I looked effeminate either; I was the biggest kid in my class (200 pounds by the 5th grade) and I was the first boy who had to shave (by the 8th grade). I loved playing baseball and football, but I was usually picked last when choosing up sides (I could hit the baseball a mile, but I threw “like a girl.”). I did very well in grammar school (salutatorian in my graduating class) and was often considered the “teacher’s pet.” Maybe that gave the other boys mixed messages.

Things were not much better in high school. Some of the jocks got on my case. On graduation day, I recall a jock asking why I was in line with the boy graduates instead of the girl graduates. I also remember my Spanish teacher wondering aloud if I would dress like a senorita for “Spanish Night.” (I threw her for a loop when I showed up dressed like a Cuban revolutionary sporting a fake beard, cigar, and fatigues.)

By the time I was in high school, I had been experimenting for years with my sister’s and mother’s wardrobe. I felt very guilty about it and was sure that I was destined to spend eternity in Hell.

Attending a Catholic high school did not help matters. Once a month, the nuns marched us to church next door to confess our sins. One time, I remember making up my mind to confess my crossdressing sins, but when I got in the confession booth, I froze up and could not get out the words describing my sins. The priest sensed something was wrong and said he would forgive any sin I was too embarrassed to recall to him. All I had to do was admit that I had sins(s) I was too embarrassed to enumerate.

Here was my chance to get off the hook, a free pass that would enable me to start anew with a clean slate, but I blew it. I could not admit that I was hiding something from the priest! I ended up saying two Hail Mary’s and two Our Father’s and berating myself for years over that flub!

College was no better, but by then, I was used to my status and made the best of it. Boys and now even some girls teased me. Try asking a girl for a date when that girl thinks you are a “fairy” or worse. How many times did I hear “you are a nice guy, but…?” It hurt and I could not understand why I was being hurt. In my mind, I was not effeminate, so why was I being treated as if I was effeminate.

Today, I still don’t think I am effeminate; I act like I always acted and that is as my natural self; I am not faking it, I am not pretentious; I am not trying to fool anybody. But, now that I am older and a little wiser, I can put two and two together and realize that there must be some feminine traces in my male persona that other people recognize.

So be it. I try not to be concerned how others think about me. In my gut, I still care some of the time, but I try to convince myself that I shouldn’t care and maybe someday, I will be completely free of guilt.

And, in response to the woman who said she did not want Jennifer Boylan as a member of her club, I say “that’s ok,” because, as Marx once said, “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”

happy holidays

I just want to wish "happy holidays" to everyone who reads this blog!

still more photos

TM, another friend, e-mailed me more photos from Saturday's banquet. Here they are!

"...sweet, sugar, candyman"

Here is another photo from my support group's annual banquet on Saturday. My friend D took the photo and e-mailed it to me. It shows me lip-synching "Candyman" during the Follies portion of the evening.

the banquet

Saturday night, I attended my support group's annual banquet. There were over 60 people in attendance. The majority of the attendees were male-to-female transfolk, but there also was a growing minority of genetic females in attendance numbering about 15 or so. They were either the significant others of the transfolk or female supporters of our support group. It is interesting that every year; the ratio of genetic females to transfolks attending the banquet has increased.

I received a service award for the work I did for the support group (editing the newsletter, chairing the banquet, doing outreach, etc.). I was very surprised to receive the award.

I saw some old friends and acquaintances at the banquet that I had not seen in years, which was nice.

During the "follies" portion of the event, I lip-synched Christina Aguillera's Candyman. I was very nervous and I messed up some of the lyrics, but nobody noticed or seemed to care and I received applause after I performed and was not hooted off the dance floor.

Our guest speaker was a psychology professor from a local university. I was supposed to do outreach for one of her classes last fall, but I had to cancel at the last minute because it coincided with my Mom's death. Our outreach chairlady introduced me to the professor and she was very nice, remembered our e-mail exchange, and hoped that I could do outreach at her class another time.

It was a bad camera night. Maybe the ghost of George Eastman was in attendance and jinxed all of us who were using filmless digital cameras. I have only one or two acceptable photos from the evening and I know other attendees who were also having bad luck with their cameras.

I decided to wear the dress I wore to the Avon representative Christmas party. It was more formal than the others I had in mind and more appropriate for the occasion, and in retrospect, I am glad I wore it because it received a lot of compliments. Miss R e-mailed me on Monday with the following, "But I have to tell you, at the banquet Saturday night when you went up to receive your award... the GGs (genetic girls) at the three tables around mine, all you could hear was, 'Look at that Dress! Where did she get that dress? It's Gorgeous!'"

Unlike last year, the non-trans guests in the hotel did not bother us. Some seemed intrigued by us, some just ignored us. A large group of us ended up in the hotel bar after the banquet and most of the non-trans patrons paid no attention to us. And as I was leaving the hotel to go home, a young woman entering the hotel said, "I love your dress."

last night

I had a fantastic time at my support group's banquet last night, but I did not get home until 3 AM and into bed until 3:30 AM. As a result, I am too tired to write about the evening today, but I promise to write about it in the next day or two.