Awareness, Remembrance, Support and Outreach

Aware and Remember: Mark Your Calendar

November is Transgender Awareness Month.

November 13–17 was Transgender Awareness Week. (Why are Sunday, November 12, and today, November 18, not part of Transgender Awareness Week?)

And Monday, November 20, is Transgender Day of Remembrance.

Support

When I was still in the closet, my wife urged me to find and join a support group. Via CompuServe's Genderline, I found Connecticut Outreach Society and joined it as fast as my high heels could carry me to the group's meeting place.

I owe the Society a lot because it got me out of the closet to experience the world as a woman. And the rest is her story.

All support groups are different. Some are better than others. But if you want to escape the closet, I urge you to find and join a local support group. It may do wonders for you like my support group did for me.

And if your closet is in my neck of the woods, I highly recommend Connecticut Outreach Society.   

Outreach

Over ten years ago, I got my feet wet doing outreach at Southern Connecticut State University for Professor Anna Schildroth's Human Sexuality classes. Since then, I have also done outreach at other colleges and universities, but each semester, I returned to Southern to do outreach for Anna's classes.

I usually received an e-mail in early November from Anna inviting me to her class after Thanksgiving. But I did not hear from Anna this month, so I e-mailed her only to find out that sadly, she is no longer teaching that class and my services will no longer be needed.

I will miss my outreach trips to New Haven and hope I can fill the gap someplace else.

Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)

Doing outreach at Southern Connecticut State University

Underdress

Time was of the essence on Tuesday and instead of presenting as a woman from head-to-toe, I underdressed to go shopping. Under my boy top and boy jeans, I wore a Rago longline bra and Rago high-waist long leg pantie girdle —not for the thrill of wearing woman's undies, but for practical reasons. I planned to shop at Roz & Ali (nee Dress Barn) and if I found anything that I might purchase, I wanted to try them on a female figure, not a boy body (it makes a big difference).

After notching my boy belt two notches tighter than usual and wondering if anyone would notice the two protuberances under my boy top and jacket, I started my journey with snow flurries in the air.

First stop was the Agway I visited on Halloween and left empty-handed because the cat litter I wanted was out of stock. As soon as I entered, the woman who runs the store recognized me and said that the litter had been delivered.

While I was paying for the litter, I asked the woman, "How did you like my Halloween costume?"

"You looked great! I had no idea who you were until you said you wanted litter."

Next, I shopped at Walmart and Petco and finally my favorite Roz & Ali. Walking in, I saw that the store manager was at the register dealing with a customer. I waved and she waved back.

I browsed the racks and found three items to try on. When the manager was free, she came over to me and gave me a big hug. She asked how retirement was going, then we talked about the store's name change and my job prospects. Like the assistant manager told me on Halloween, she said they had recently closed some other local Dress Barns, so they were not hiring.

I asked her to keep me in mind and that I would be willing to work as little as one day a week just to get my feet wet. She said she would keep me in mind and then opened a dressing room for me to try my finds.

All three size 14 dresses fit perfectly, which may not have been the case if I was wearing boy undies rather than a bra and girdle. Two of the three dresses were keepers and I took my purchases to the cash register where the store manager was dealing with an older gent, who was buying gift cards for the holidays.

I was standing within earshot and heard the gent say, "I feel odd making a purchase in a woman's clothing store."

The store manager said, "We have a lot of male customers."

"Crossdressers?" he asked.

The store manager just smiled and looked at me with an expression on her face that seemed to say, "Are you hearing this?"

After he finished paying for his purchase, he turned to find me standing right behind him with two dresses slung over my arm, but he did not seem to notice. I think he was anxious to leave the store quickly before somebody branded him as a crossdresser.

I moved up to counter and commented to the store manager that I should have showed the guy my photo. She laughed.

I had a couple of coupons and the two dresses (pictured above, a seamed scuba keyhole dress in wild peacock and a sequin sheath dress in navy/grey) only cost me $52 total.

The store manager gave me another hug as I left the store and I went home.

That's all I have to say about that.

Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper)

Long time Femulate reader and Fantasia Fair friend, Lisa

Michelle Rose's Story

Dear Stana,

I just wanted to thank you and all the women who have shared their trans experiences on your blog. As for myself and the entire Femulating Sorority, we owe you a debt and our gratitude.

As a long time reader, I look forward to your postings, letters, discussions and resources on presenting with a more feminine appearance. With the information from your postings, a most accepting spouse and a decade of weight loss, I am at long last, comfortable and secure enough to venture out en femme. Well that and my wife's consent! (I'll call here "Donna," but that's not her name.)

Donna has been very accepting of my trans identification and has taught me so much about being a girl. I constantly thank her for showing me all the important "girl stuff." She introduced me to Spanx shapewear and all the other under garments necessary to achieve a more feminine figure.

Over time, following her recommendations, we have put together a pretty complete women's wardrobe. Handbags, scarves, belts, hats, sunglasses and jewelry we can share, but truth be told, she sees right through me whenever I show her the "present" I bought for her!

There were several items specific to trans girls that she was unable to help with. Following your advice, I found a local cosmetician with trans experience. She offered so many tips on shaving, color correction for hiding facial hair, a proper palette for my skin tone, facial contouring and dealing with my close set eyes. After several lessons and lots of practice, the skills necessary to use makeup correctly are now within my grasp!

Also, I located a trans-friendly wig shop. The sales woman was very accommodating and provided time for a private appointment, prior to the store opening! I left with two wigs, all the accessories necessary to style and care for the wigs and a trans-friendly ciswoman for a new friend.

To be certain, it was your confidence-building that motivated me to finally step out. So this past October, I was away on a photography shoot and used the opportunity for my first outing! It was exhilarating! I dressed simply — just a plain black skirt, awhite cotton top (with some pretty lace work on the shoulders, sleeves and cuffs), stockings and black suede pumps. I think I took almost two hours to do my makeup, wig and get dressed.

I really have a thing for silver jewelry and didn't skimp: large teardrop earrings, a chain with my favorite cat pendent (we bought that in Italy years ago), a silver watch, my mother's charm bracelet (she passed away last year) and a few rings. I prepared a set of extra large press-on nails and they worked fine for the evening.

It was so much fun putting all the necessary items in my purse: driver's license, credit and bank card, cash, room key, car key, a wig comb, lipstick and a makeup compact. All dressed up and ready to go, I took a final look in the mirror and walked out the door!

I was terrified in the hall, the elevator and out to my car! Thank the goddess that nobody else was in the elevator! The lobby was busy, but with everybody going about their business, I passed through, unnoticed.

Once outside, the evening air had cooled considerably; how wonderful it was to feel a breeze on my exposed legs. Walking slowly with my best high heel gait, I arrived at the security of my car without event. To be truthful, I was shaking just a little! Driving off, I quickly made a strategic decision and removed my left shoe. Learning to drive in heels just got added to my "to do" list.

Since I was near a national park and had paid the admission fee earlier in the day, I drove to a quiet scenic overlook. It was near twilight when I parked. Leaving the safety of my car, I walked to the overlook.

I passed several people and to my surprise and delight realized that nobody gave me second look! I felt a small, but clear sense of contentment! You see, I was 60 on my last birthday and wanted to do this since I was in my teens. And while not exactly "passing" for a woman, it seems to me, that I am not too ghastly presenting as a woman! At least not in low light and when nobody is paying attention. Oh Happy Days!

I spent  20 minutes or so just savoring the time. It was the most spectacular sunset this girl has ever witnessed! The drive in was almost an hour and since traffic can move at a brisk 35 MPH in national parks, I decided to head back.

On my to the hotel, I went through the drive-in at the local Micky D's. While the girl at the counter did refer to me as "ma'am," the look of confusion on her face was precious! Back in my room, i changed out of my attire and enjoyed a very large glass of wine with my dinner!

Thank you again. All my love,

Michelle Rose (photo below)

Michelle Rose

Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper)

Frankly my dears, I don't give a damn!

I am 66 years old. On a good day, I can probably pass for 56. Either way, I am not getting any younger.

Although I have been femulating all my adult life, I have only been out of the closet for the past 11 years. As a result, I missed a lot of prime time presenting as a woman in society. I missed all those youthful years when some myopic folks might even consider me to be a woman who was "hot." ("Not hot" is more likely today.)

Chronologically, I may be a senior citizen, but in my mind, I am far from it. In my mind, I am a young woman and I plan to look like a young woman as long as possible.

Forget dressing my age. I have to make up for lost time, so short hemlines, high heels, tight dresses, and revealing necklines will continue to be part of my wardrobe for the near future.

If I look a little ridiculous not dressing my age, so be it because frankly my dears, I don't give a damn!

Wearing Alexis (Source: Intermix)

NC femulated Velma for Halloween.

Do girdles and longline bras help?

Over the weekend, I received a comment to my Size 14? post from Darianna. I replied to her comment with another comment, but I am expanding that reply here today.

Darianna wrote, "Lately I have become interested in dressing more classy and sophisticated. I just want to ask you, 'Does wearing a girdle and longline bra help very much? Should I buy a Rago body briefer to make slipping on a dress easier or for how it shapes my male body?'

"Thank you, I respect your opinion."

Before I answer your questions Darianna, I want to say that my reply is what works for me and your mileage may, and probably will vary.

Dresses are designed for someone who is curvy, so I wear foundation garments to give me some curves. The longline bra lifts my breasts to make them more perky and tightens the area below my breasts to narrow my waistline. The girdle also flattens my belly and narrows my waistline.

Both the bra and girdle redistribute some of my fat to add to my hips and bust. Note that my natural breasts are big for a boy and nearly fill a B cup bra without assistance.

Anyway, my foundation garments do a good job of giving me a woman's figure that currently fits in a size 14 dress... not a baggy size 14 dress, but rather a size 14 dress that clings and shows off my curves.

Another note: Going from the size 18 and 16 (my sizes for decades) to a size 14 has eliminated all my back fat, which also eliminated the Spanx cami I had to wear to smooth out my back fat.

Without foundation garments, I would have to purchase larger sizes to fit my non-curvaceous body, that is, to fit around my waistline. Problem is that the larger sizes are still designed for a curvy body, so the larger size would fit my boyish waistline, but would be too big in the bust and hips — not a look I am trying to achieve.

So for me today, a girdle and a longline bra provide the best possible femulation.

Regarding body briefers, I have found that they do not do a good job of shaping me. I need something that is not so brief in its shaping powers — something more substantial like a longline bra and girdle.

If you are new to foundation garments, I recommend getting fitted by a pro in order to get the correct sizes. Look up local lingerie stores in the Yellow Pages and feel them out over the phone. Be up front and tell them you crossdress. Most are more than willing to help you out (and take your money), but occasionally you may run into a store that is not so open-minded and it is better to find that out over the phone rather than in person.

Good Luck!

Wearing Roz & Ali (Source: Dress Barn)

Lovely Mindy, a regular reader of Femulate

My Best

Saturday, I mentioned that my most viewed photo on flickr is not what I consider my best photo.

In response, I received an unsolicited e-mail from a long-time reader of the blog, who wrote, "Attached is my favorite photo of you. As you may recall, I prefer flaring, swishy skirts and dress bottoms. I know this is a photo of you from years ago, but I just adore the dress, your pose, and how lovely and feminine you look."

The photo in question is 22 years old, so I was in my mid-40s at the time. My makeup skills were still under development, but at that age, makeup skills were not deal-breaker. What was a deal-breaker was that I was so closeted when that photo was taken. "Youth is wasted on the young" sure applies in this case!

Wearing ModCloth (Source: ModCloth)

Crystal donating plasma on Halloween.

Someday Funnies

Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper)

Rianna femulates Liza Minelli for Halloween

Womanless High School

In August, Starla, the intrepid high school yearbook explorer, sent me a batch of womanless event photos that she culled from online yearbooks. This set was lost on my hard disk until today when I heard the voice of one of the womanless participants crying out, "Post me, post me."

I did some investigating and discovered that I was not hearing things; there were a bunch of womanless photos that I failed to upload to flickr. So I corrected the error of my ways and 14 new images, like the one on the left, from womanless events of the near and distant past now reside on my flickr page where you may view them in two ways:

Method 1: Open one of the Yearbooks sets (A through Z) and you will find the newest uploads at the end/bottom of the set. (The oldest uploads appear at the beginning/top of the set.)

Method 2: Open my photostream and you will find the newest uploads at the top of page 1. The uploads get older as the page numbers get higher with the oldest uploads on the last page.

The contents of the Yearbook A through Z sets are organized according to school name, for example, the photos from Sacred Heart High School would be in the Yearbooks S set.

Stats

After I uploaded the images to flickr, I checked the statistics and was surprised that this image of me has the most views (92,070) of all the images I have uploaded to  flickr. I am surprised because in my opinion, there are better images of me to view on flickr, but the customer is always right.

The most viewed womanless image is this 1980 photo from Wolfson High School in Jacksonville, Florida, with 72,024 views. Looking at the photo, it is obvious why it is popular, but my favorite is the second most viewed (71,536) womanless image: an excellent femulation by a Texas beauty in 1981.

You All

By the way, if you participated in your school's womanless beauty pageant or attended some other school activity en femme, I would love to post your photos along with any description you would like to provide. (No one has taken me up on this offer, so far, but I am still hopeful and very patient!)

Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)

Eddie Cantor femulating in the 1931 film Palmy Days.

Halloween Redux

Back to the Bank

I went to my bank yesterday to withdraw money to buy groceries. This is the same bank I visited on Halloween en femme.

The teller (Miss K) was the first woman I saw walking into the bank last week. The other two women staffing the bank were not working when I last visited the bank. One (Miss C) is the teller I often deal with at the drive-through window. The other (Miss L) is the branch manager, who refinanced my mortgage. So they both know me well as a regular customer.

Miss K handled my withdrawal and then she brought up the topic of Halloween. She said my "costume" was the best she had ever seen. Then she asked me if I had a photo on my iPhone so she could show Miss C.

Of course, I did and she called Miss C over to see my photo. Needless to say, she was floored. Then she asked Miss L if she had seen my Halloween costume photo.

Miss L replied, "No, but I heard about it."

Evidently, my costume was the talk of the bank staff. (I dress to impress!)

I showed Miss L my photo and she was amazed, too.

Floral Bell-Sleeve Dress

For what it's worth, the dress (photo right) I bought on Halloween at Dress Barn/Roz & Ali is now on their website

Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper)

Arthur Chamski femulates on an episode of Polish television's Your Face Sounds Familiar (Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo).

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

Everyday, Payless sends me an email advertisement. Wednesday's ad contained the following image of footwear for sale at their store. Notice that the images were clearly labeled "SHOP WOMEN" so customers would not mistaken the practical, virile ladies' styles as men's footwear.

I wonder when my daily Payless missives will contain an image like the following — footwear for sale at their stores clearly labeled "SHOP MEN" so customers would not mistaken the impractical, dainty gentlemen's styles as women's footwear. 

Wearing Eloquii (Source: Eloquii)

Michal Rudas femulates Shania Twain singing my theme song Man! I Feel Like A Woman on a 2016 episode of Polish television's Your Face Sounds Familiar (Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo).

The 27%

27% Of Americans Wouldn't Want To Be Friends With A Transgender Person

"A survey by YouGov of more than 2,000 participants found that 27% of respondents were not open to being friends with anyone who identifies as transgender , even though around 40% said they personally know someone who is trans." (Source: Refinery29)

I wonder how many of the 27% have transgender friends and don't know it. 

I wonder how they would answer the survey if a friend came out as transgender.

Most of my friends are still friends after I came out to them as transgender. The only friend I lost was actually my wife's friend, so she was my friend by marriage. Anyway, she dropped us like a hot potato when my wife mentioned that I was trans.

And so it goes.

Wearing Lagos (Source: Harpers Bazaar)

Victoria Elizabeth, UK Comedy Magician, Actress and Entertainer