Saturday night

Saturday night I attended my support group's annual banquet. It is a dress-up affair and I always dress to impress.



Ready

For months, I planned to wear the dress I bought from Victoria's Secret last fall, a black sleeveless V-neck tunic-style sweater dress with sequin on the front.



I did my makeup for a glam look. I wore false eyelashes and instead of the various shades of brown that I normally use to do my eyes, I used grays and blacks.

Patty, my fashion advisor, thought that I should wear my short blonde wig with that dress and I agreed. However, just for the heck of it, I also took out my mid-length blonde wig and my shoulder-length dark auburn wig to see which looked best after I did my makeup and dressed.

I tried on the mid-length blond wig and rejected that look. Next came the short blond wig and it looked very good. Finally, I shook out the shoulder-length dark auburn wig, plopped it on my head, and fell in love with the way it looked with my makeup and outfit.

I checked myself out in the full length mirror and something was not right. The V-neck of the dress revealed a large expanse of chest, which was as flat as a board. The dress screamed for something more.

I slipped off my dress. Then, I filled my bra cups with my homemade birdseed breast forms, which lifted my natural size A cup breasts up and brought them together. I used strips of surgical tape to bring them even closer together to create cleavage. I used some eyeshadow to make the cleft of my cleavage look deeper and then I powdered my whole breast area with translucent powder.

I slipped on my dress, looked in the mirror, and was very happy with the way I looked; I thought I actually looked a little "sexy" for a change. At the banquet, my friend Jamie said I looked like "a hottie," so I guess my assessment was correct.

After I took a few photos, I put on some Chanel No. 5 and did my nails. This was my first time using Kiss pre-glued stick-on nails and after a night of wearing them, I am impressed.

The largest Kiss nail was larger than the largest nail that Revlon provided with their defunct Maximum Speed pre-glued nails, which I used in the past. With the Revlon Maxies, the largest nail did not cover my thumbnail completely; there was a small gap. With the largest Kiss nails, there was no gap; the Kiss nails covered my thumbnails completely.

Also, the glue of the Kiss nails is a lot stronger than the Revlons. Once the Kiss nails were stuck on, they stayed on. I was very satisfied with the Kiss brand of nails and recommend them highly.

Set

I was out the door at 5:20 PM for the 25-minute drive to the hotel in Meriden, CT, that was hosting the banquet. The drive was uneventful and I arrived in plenty of time for the 6 PM cocktail hour.

Go

There were 55 paid guests and I assume that most of them showed up. I recognized about half the faces; the other half were new to me.

Some of the people I recognized did not recognize me; I guess I looked different than I usually looked. For example, I sat with a new acquaintance, Nicole, for over five hours at our support group's table at True Colors just two weeks earlier. Nicole did not recognize me at the banquet until they announced my name preceding my lip-sync performance during the follies portion of the evening.

Speaking of True Colors… I wore the same pair of heels at the banquet that I wore at True Colors and they did not bother me at all Saturday night, whereas they killed my feet at True Colors.

There were more genetic women in attendance than ever; probably one-fifth to one-quarter were genetic women, mostly significant others, as well as a contingent from a local nail/waxing establishment. One of the contingent complimented me on my dress.

My friend Deja was snapping photos, so I twisted her arm to take some photos of me in a more scenic area, i.e., the beautifully decorated lobby of the hotel. She agreed, but on the way to the lobby, we passed the swimming pool area and it looked as nice as the lobby, so we used it for my mini-photo shoot. (Two photos from that photo shoot appear here.)

I sat at the Board of Directors table, so I had the pleasure of conversing with our after-dinner speaker, Moonhawk River Stone. His after-dinner speech was inspiring and I was moved to become even more trans active. Coincidentally, at the banquet, my support group's executive director informed me that I am officially the editor of the group's monthly newsletter (I had been subbing for the past few months for the previous editor).

I was nervous as the time drew near for my lip sync performance. I was first up and relieved to get it over with! I think I did OK. I did not flub the words and everyone enjoyed the song I selected to lip sync, an obscure Lesley Gore semi-hit from the 1960s titled "Sometimes I Wish I Were a Boy."

When I returned to our table after performing, Moonhawk River Stone mentioned that he loved my song selection, which made me feel a lot better about my performance.

I mingled a lot through the evening. I became reacquainted with girls I had not seen for many months and in a few cases, many years. I also mingled with some of the new faces in attendance. I even met and chatted with one of my blog's regular readers, Chris. (Hi, Chris!)

I really enjoyed myself Saturday night. I thought I looked my best and that made me feel wonderfully womanly. Nothing could ruin my night except its end, which came around 12:20 AM when I decided to call it a night and drove home.

three thousand words

They say a picture's worth a thousand words, so here are three photos from my night out yesterday.


I am at home dressed to kill and ready for my big night out.


Enjoying myself posing next to the pool at the hotel that hosted our banquet.


A close-up of me and my friends.

big night tonight

Tonight is my support group's annual banquet, which is the trans-event of the year around here. It gives me an opportunity to dress to kill and you can be sure I will not waste that opportunity.

You can expect a full report and photos here tomorrow, sooner, or later.

male female models redux

Back in October 2007, I wrote about the urban legend that some of the fashion models wearing female finery on the catwalks of the fashion world are actually males.

Today, Anonymous commented that, "terri(sp?)toye was a transsexual high fashion model in the 70's. catwalks, some print ads...tho' not much can u find on her"

I Googled "terri toye," discovered that her name was "teri toye" (one r, not two). Google found some information on her including this Web page, which is a gallery of her work as a model.

validation

There is a message thread about validation on the MHB (My Husband Betty) Message Boards. Some people seemed concerned that when they receive a compliment about their appearance ("You look great"), the person making the compliment is really saying, "You look great... for a tranny."

So? I'd rather look "great" for a tranny than look lousy for a tranny!

I appreciate any compliment I receive, whether the person making the compliment reads me as a tranny or not. Perhaps, the nicest compliment I have ever received was, "You look better than most women I know."

You can't get much better validation than that!

Life as a Tall Girl

From today's New York Times, the story about a woman who is 6-foot-4... and she wears heels!

Saturday night outing

My support group's annual awards banquet is Saturday night. It is the local T-event of the year.

In recent years, the banquet headcount has been in the 60 to 70 range. I wonder if the economy ("The Bush Era of Prosperity") will have any effect on the headcount. I hope not because, as they say, "the more, the merrier."

The weather forecast for Saturday night is "mostly cloudy, with a low around 24." I plan to wear the cocktail dress I bought from Victoria's Secret last fall. Like a lot of what Victoria sells, my dress is skimpy, so I will have to wear one of my fake fur coats to fight off the cold temps Saturday night.

I will be performing in the "follies" after dinner is served. I lip sync and for this year's performance, I found a very obscure song from the early 1960s that I think will be very apropos for the event; the theme of the song is gender envy.

As usual, you can expect a full report here after the fact with lots of photos, too.

easter envy

Easter is not a big holiday in my family. We hardly notice it.

It was different when I was a kid. My family were practicing Roman Catholics, so it was a big holiday for us back then.

Our usual Easter routine was Mass on Sunday morning, dinner with the whole family at my aunt's house Sunday afternoon, and an egg hunt for the kids after dinner.

In preparation for Easter, Mom would get new Easter outfits for herself and my sister. My Dad and I wore whatever suit was the most recent addition to our wardrobes.

I was jealous of my sister. She usually got a new dress, new shoes, and a new hat for Easter. My female cousins got dolled up for Easter, too, meanwhile I was stuck in a boring suit.

Saturday, I will make up for my Easter envy and get dressed to kill for my support group's annual banquet. I can't wait!

the funny thing about black men in dresses

Why do black comedians like Tyler Perry, Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence don plus-size pantyhose and parade around as their feisty grandmas?

Read why here.

catwalk

I wish I lived in the Bay Area to participate in this event!

CATWALK, a new elite modeling competition that caters to the Transgender Community (male to female). The time has come for a modeling competition that embodies, class, beauty, style, fashion at its best! Its’ purpose is to encourage and empower the TG community to excel in the fast evolving world of fashion and unique marketing.

CATWALK, represent a new outlook for the transgender community. As the TG community is rapidly growing, empowerment, advocacy and leadership is instilled in this competition to secure proper representation of what the new TG community represents.

CATWALK corresponds to a cause! It is an event that responds to the HIV/AIDS epidemic and offers assistance unconditionally to serve the greater human race.

CATWALK symbolizes excitement, drama, pride, fun, movement, arts, delight, progrH style, evolution, pleasure, fashion, compassion, people, community and YOU!

Here is the CATWALK Web site.

Friday Q and A

During my True Colors workshop on Friday, folks asked a lot of questions.

Some were the same or similar to ones I have answered before.

Some were new and here are the ones that I remember:

Q: The way you move your hands and gesture is very feminine. Are you doing that intentionally?

A: It is not intentional.

I gestured while answering the question and suddenly became aware that my hand gestures were indeed feminine, which gave me pause.

I know that consciously, I am not acting any differently en femme and en homme. Maybe my subconscious is responsible for my feminine mannerisms.

Maybe it is context, i.e., I am acting the same en femme and en homme, but when I am en femme, those mannerisms look more feminine because I am dressed from head-to-toe like a woman. I recall crossdressing for a Halloween party in college and an acquaintance who knew me in boy mode, said that while crossdressed, he noticed that my mannerisms were the same when I was in boy mode, but that they were definitely feminine.

Maybe my mannerisms are feminine en femme and en homme, which would explain why I have been called a "fairy," "faggot," "twinkie," etc.


Q: Do you buy your clothes in a "big" women's store?

A: Not necessarily. I am a size 16 or 18 above the waist and a size 14 or 16 below the waist, so sometimes I find clothes that fit in the "Misses" section and sometimes in the "Women's" section.

Q: Are you happy with your male body image?

A: Yes


Q: What would you do if you could do it over again?

A: I would live 24/7 as a woman without hormones and surgery, but I would have electrolysis.


Q: Do you ever feel that you are really a female?

A: No was my quick reply, but on reflection, when I am en femme, sometimes I feel that I am really a female.

Friday fotos

Here are two photos from my Friday out en femme (click on the photos to enlarge them).

Here I am staffing my support group's table at the True Colors Conference.








Hanging out in the UCONN Student Union just like I did when I attended the university back in the 1970s except now I am dressed very differently.

fond of new found nails

Back in December, I mentioned that Revlon discontinued their Maximum Speed line of pre-glued stick-on nails, which I wore whenever I went out en femme. I stocked up on Max Speedies via eBay, but my supply is dwindling, so I have been searching for a replacement.

I think I have found it: Kiss Broadway pre-glued nails.

Kiss has a wider selection of pre-glued stick-on nails than Revlon ever had and the package that I bought has wider nails, too. I compared the largest Revlon nail with the largest Kiss nail and the Kiss nail is noticeably wider, which is a godsend to girls like us with larger than the average female fingers.

I have not worn my Kiss nails out yet, so I don't know how well they stay on. However, I plan to wear them to our annual banquet on the 29th and I will report back then.

yesterday

Yesterday, I participated in the True Colors Conference for school-aged GLBT youth and their adult supporters and/or facilitators (parents, teachers, guidance counselors, social workers, etc).

The day started early. I was up at 5 AM in order to be en femme and at the conference on the UCONN campus by 10 AM. The trip was about 90 minutes long, which included a 25-minute trip to my friend Patty's house to give her a ride to the conference. We arrived on campus at 9:15 AM.

On the way up, I demonstrated my female voice to Patty. She said it sounded "forced." I decided that I needed more practice and put my female voice back in the box.

First thing after we arrived at UCONN, we walked to Jorgensen Auditorium to pick up our Presenter packages. Everyone I encountered used the correct pronouns. So far, so good.

My schedule was to man staff my support group's booth until about 2:30 PM, then walk to the classroom where I would do my workshop, "Body Image and Male-to-Female Crossdressing."

We found my support group's table in the Student Union and I introduced myself to Nicole, who would be manning staffing the table with me.

I went to the women's restroom to freshen up. While in the restroom, a young woman complimented my outfit. She especially liked the belted look.

The morning was uneventful. Some people stopped at our table for information; mostly adults (school counselors and such), who were new to dealing with trans-children in their schools.

We broke for lunch and ate at the Student Union food court. I had Chinese food. The two female food servers used the correct pronouns with me, but I think the female cashier used "sir." It was noisy and it was hard to hear her, so I am not 100% sure about her "sir."

After lunch, I went to the restroom to powder my nose. On the way back to our table, a woman stopped me. She said she was manning staffing a table across the room from our table and she thought my smile was "so engaging." I turned red with embarrassment and thanked her for the kind words.

The afternoon was more of the same. Most memorable was one young male who came to our table. He was very nervous and hardly spoke. We tried to encourage him to speak freely, he was amongst friends, but he could not, so we loaded him down with our hand-outs and hoped that would help. (I so saw myself in his shoes when I was his age.)

As the time for my workshop approached, I started getting nervous. My main concern was that I had no idea what kind of audience I would face.

When it was time to go, I got my things together to walk to the Math & Science Building where my workshop was to be. As I left, I passed the table where the woman who complimented me was sitting. I smiled at her and she said, "Keep on smiling."

It was a long walk. It was actually only two city blocks long, but my feet were killing me. I specifically picked my shoes for a long day because in the past, I was able to wear them for long stints without a problem, but yesterday, they were killing my feet. Go figure!

I arrived at the classroom about ten minutes early and there were already about ten students in the class. I am terrible at guessing ages, but I think their ages ranged from late teens to the early twenties.

By the time I started my workshop, I had about 20 people in my workshop; 15 or so were student-aged and 5 or so were adults. (At the end, I received 17 evaluation forms, so either my headcount guesstimate was high or a few people did not fill out an evaluation form.)

I started off telling everyone to jump in with questions at anytime. I would rather try and answer their specific questions, rather then have them listen to me babble on about something they did not want to hear.

I proceeded to babble on for about 20 minutes or so telling them my life story. They were polite and did not interrupt, so I stopped in mid-life and asked them if they had any questions. And they did.

Some of their questions resulted in my babbling on a bit to try to expand on my answer, but most of the time was filled with Q&A.

A male adult asked me what I considered were the most important things that helped me to pass and I listed a bunch of things that I thought were tops in my femulation. After my workshop, I realized that I forgot to talk about attitude, which is probably as important or even more important then the things I listed.

The 90 minutes passed quickly and we were done.

I felt that I did an OK job, but most of the evaluations indicated otherwise. The evaluations ranged from fair, good, very good, to excellent with the vast majority in the very good and excellent range. Some of the evaluations contained suggestions for improvement and I will definitely incorporate the suggestions if I do a workshop again.

Here are some of the comments I received on the evaluation forms that made my day:

"She seems to be a lovely person."

"Great job!"

"I thought it was very eye opening... you don't have to be gay to cross-dress."

"I loved your expression! I think your really pretty as a woman!"

"I really liked how you explained everything, you made it very clear."

"Staci was very relatable, easy to talk to."

"I think you did a great job: I like that you went into real-life things that happened to you, not just facts."

"I felt very educated after. Staci was very willing to talk about anything with us. She was very open."

"Don't ever stop dressing so beautiful."

"Having a crossdresser as a speaker helps because they know what they go through and what its like."

"Staci was very honest in sharing her story - 'tricks of the trade.'"

"You rock!"

One comment bothered me: that I have issues with transsexuals because I referred to one as a "he."

The thing is that I am very careful with my pronouns and don't recall using "he" when I referred to a transsexual. Maybe a "he" slipped out, but I sure don't recall it happening during my workshop. If I did, I apologize for my error.

After our day at UCONN, we drove to Outback and met Diana for dinner. Nobody paid us much mind except the people in the booth across from us, who became very animated when they saw us three beautiful women. I was so tired by then, that I could care less!

It was a great day and I hope I will be able to do it again next year.

tomorrow

I am very excited about my day out en femme tomorrow. I don't do too many full days en femme, so tomorrow will be something special.

Stay tuned for a full report after the fact.

runs in the family

the feminine voice

Friday, I will be out en femme most of the day.

My friend Patty and I will take a short roadtrip to my alma mater, the University of Connecticut, to do workshops at the True Colors Conference for school-aged GLBT youth and their adult supporters and/or facilitators (parents, teachers, guidance counselors, social workers, etc.).

My workshop is "Body Image and Male-to-Female Crossdressing." Basically, I will be doing an extended solo version of what I do for outreach

In addition to the workshop, I will be manning the table for my support group, Connecticut Outreach Society (COS). After the workshops, Patty, Diana, and I plan to dine somewhere on the way home.

It will be nostalgic visiting my old campus; it will be my first visit since I graduated in 1973 and also my first visit there en femme. And, coincidentally, lunch for the conference will be served in my old dormitory.

To make my day even more interesting, I plan to use a female voice throughout the day instead of relying on my natural soft-spoken male voice to do my en femme speaking for me. I have been practicing my female voice for a long time now and it is time to let her out.

I have balked at using a female voice in the past because I felt silly when I did use it. Isn't that ridiculous? I am a guy dressed from head to toe like a woman, fully made up wearing a wig, woman's jewelry, perfume, etc., walking like a woman, using female mannerisms, etc. and all that did not make me feel silly, but using a feminine voice did.

Maybe there is more to it than that.

Using a female voice is just about the last step I can take in becoming a woman without hormones, surgery, permanent body modification, etc. Maybe using a male voice while en femme is the last link to my natal gender and subconsciously, I am afraid of breaking that link and admitting that I am really a woman.

Are You A Boy or Are You A Girl?

After I added today's Femulate This photo to the blog, the lyrics of this 1965 hit by The Barbarians popped into my head.

Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?
With your long blond hair you look like a girl
Yeah, you look like a girl
You may be a boy, hey, you look like a girl

You're either a girl or you come from Liverpool
Yeah, Liverpool
You can dog like a female monkey, but you swim like a stone
Yeah, a rolling stone
You may be a boy, hey, you look like a girl
Hey! Aw!

Hey!
You're always wearing skin tight pants and boys wear pants
But in your skin tight pants you look like a girl
Yeah, you look like a girl
You may be a boy, hey, you look like a girl
Hey!

Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?
With your long blond hair you look like a girl
Yeah, you look like a girl
You may be a boy, hey, you look like a girl
Hey!
Yeah, you look like a girl, hey!
Yeah, you look like a girl, hey!
Yeah, you look like a girl, hey!
Yeah, you look like a girl, hey!

to die for

Up late last night nursing a tummy ache and surfing the television to find something to watch, I happened upon a 1995 film, To Die For, starring my favorite tallest actress, Nicole Kidman. I had not seen the film in years and as I watched it, I recalled why I liked it so much.

The story is very interesting and include a couple of twists. The whole cast does an excellent job.

In addition, Nicole is absolutely gorgeous. Her hair and makeup are perfect, and the outfits she wears are to die for. I would like to add every dress and suit she wore to my collection!

transitioning from 56 to 57

Today I am 56. Tomorrow I will be 57.

Dunno why, but for the first time in my life, adding a year is bothering me. Maybe it's because 57 is getting so very close to 60, which is a bellwether year to me, i.e., in my mind, 60 meant that you were as old as dirt. And to add to my trepidation about approaching 60, I can't forget that my Dad died when he was 66.

On the other hand, I don't feel, act, or look as old as dirt. Almost everyone I know who is my age is on some kind of prescription for some kind of health issue, while I am not.

En femme, I look younger than my actual age. In the guess my age poll I conducted here in January, 75% of the voters thought I looked younger than my actual age and over half (52%) thought I looked ten years younger than I really am.

Maybe the solution is to go full-time, i.e., be en femme 24/7 and thereby cut 10 years off my apparent age.