Four Tips for Supporting a Transgender Coworker

In brief...

1. Do for your trans coworker what you do for everyone else.

2. Stand up for us when we are not there.

3. Help us go to work, do our job and not have to talk about ourselves all the time.

4. Open the door and do it again.

For the full version, read Lee Airtron's article on Fast Company.

Wearing Venus

Kuba Molęda femulates Margaret on Polish television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

Trolling Goldman Sachs Coming Out

The trolls had a field day with The New York Times article I mentioned here in my previous post, Coming Out at Goldman Sachs.

Here is a rather despicable post from a troll, who is green-eyed jealous of Maeve's salary and uses that to attack her. You can find more vile comments following the Times article.

Thank you, Velma, for the heads-up!

Wearing Venus.

Image from a penny arcade card, circa 1942

Coming Out at Goldman Sachs

I very much like this story about Maeve DuVally's coming out as a woman at Goldman Sachs. I can see myself in Maeve's shoes if only I came out on the job before I retired.

The story appeared in Friday edition of The New York Times and you can read it here.

Wearing Bebe.

Jim Bailey, professional femulator, rose to fame in the late 1960's appearing on television impersonating Judy Garland, Barbra Streisand, Peggy Lee and other female entertainers. 

I believe I saw Jim for the first time on The Mike Douglas Show and as a budding femulator myself, I was very surprised by his television appearance. Until that time, the only female impersonations I saw on television were done for laughs on a situation comedy or a variety show. Never had I seen a true blue female impersonator on television performing a successful femulation. It was a WOW moment for me and I thought if he can do it, so can I.

Workplace Rights

Despite major wins within the LGBTQ community in recent years, many transgender and non-conforming gender individuals feel there’s still a lot more to do in the fight for equality both in and out of the office.

Here is a helpful guide for transgender workers, from new graduates just entering the workforce to seasoned working professionals, as well as employers and hiring managers. Learn more about current transgender workplace rights, how to navigate some of the biggest workplace and job hunting concerns, and see what employers can do to lay the foundation for safe and inclusive work environments.

Transgender and non-conforming gender (TGNC) individuals are protected by policies and laws intended to eliminate harassment and discrimination. While some protections are at the federal level, many states, counties, and cities have their own policies in place. “Protection laws differ from state to state, so it’s important that you check the state in which you work,” notes Dr. Kristie Overstreet, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist who specializes in transgender identities.

Where I live (Connecticut), we have been protected for some time. My former company had policies in place even before the state and my Human Resources representative was ready and willing to help me to transition into a working woman whenever I was ready. I was also greeted with open arms when I inquired about working as a woman at a local Dress Barn. That's Connecticut and your mileage may vary depending on where you live, so check out the Workplace Guide and see where you stand.

Wearing Ann Taylor (Source: Ann Taylor)

Benjamin Koldyke femulating in television's Work It!

Girls' Night Out... Sort of

Wednesday was my last day at work. I thought about going to work as Stana, but I did not.

The CEO came to my cube about 10 AM to wish me well and that was my cue to get out of Dodge. I turned in my badge, keys and laptop, went around the building to say goodbye to everyone and drove home.

It was all very anti-climatic!

Anyway, my former manager had promised to take me out to dinner when she got back from vacation. I received an email from her Wednesday afternoon saying she was back and had made a reservation for us at a local restaurant for Friday evening. The original plans were to also invite another of my former managers, also female, to join us, which she did. So I was looking forward to joining my two ex-managers for a girls' night out. (Both ex-managers know I am trans.)

But my old boss threw me a curve; she also invited a guy from my workplace, a workplace friend who I have known for 20 years. He has seen Stana on Halloween and jokingly remarked that I was the best looking woman in the building, but I never came out to him like I had to my former bosses. He might have guessed I am trans, but who knows! (I lost count how many times I assumed people thought I was trans and when I came out to them, they said they were clueless.)

So now I was on the fence about going to dinner as Stana. I exchanged emails about my dilemna with Paula and she encouraged me to go as Stana. Then I read yesterday's blog post by the always insightful Joanna and the one-two punch from Paula and Joanna pushed me off the fence, so Stana will be dining this evening.

It should be interesting. The girls have no idea who will show up, but I know Stana's appearance will not surprise them. I am sure that the guy will be very surprised, just as I am sure that everyone in the company will have their suspicions confirmed Monday morning when the story about our dinner gets out.

Who says I lead a boring life!

Wearing Emilia Wickstead (Source: Moda Operandi)

Paolo Ballesteros (left) femulating in the 2016 Filipino film Die Beautiful.

Muddy Water

My status at work changes on a weekly basis.

If you have been following my soap opera,you know my boss was let go two weeks ago. She was a great manager and supported whatever I wanted to do about being transgender.

My new boss was my old boss's boss. We have a great working relationship and she also supported me. She once told me that I could dress any way I wanted to at work.

I planned to sit down with her this week and discuss my plans to begin presenting as a woman at work. Problem is that she may no longer be my boss and I will be reporting to a guy on the West Coast who I never met!

I hope that by the end of the day, the situation will be clearer, but I am not holding my breath.

Wearing Veronica Beard.

Brendan Jordan on the runway for Marco Marco

Distracted, Inspired and Jealous

It's lucky for the sake of my job that I work in an engineering environment.

There are 70 employees in the division where I work and 15 are female. Most of the females are either hardware or software engineers or technicians. Most of the time, they dress like the male engineers and technicians ― business casual or more typically, less than business casual slacks and tops.

On the other hand, I am attached to the marketing department reporting to a female manager, who reports to a female director. They typically dress business formal. Their offices are at the opposite end of the building from mine, so I don't run into them that often (and see what they are wearing).

This morning, my boss came to talk to me about an assignment. She was wearing a sleeveles black sheath dress, black heels, nude hosiery, multi-colored scarf and understated jewelry. She looked very classy.

I was immediately distracted, inspired and jealous at the same time.

I want to come to work dressed like her! And I lingered on that thought for awhile instead of doing my job.

Good thing such encounters occur infrequently. If I worked in an office full of women all dressed business formal, I'd never get any work done!

Wearing Rebecca Minkoff.

Actors Aman Verma, Zane Hassan, Arshad Bradyun and Kartik Malhorta
on stage in Sydney, Australia in Butterflies Of The Mughal Garden (2008)

ad nauseum

ad nauseum - a Latin term for a discussion that has continued so long that it has continued "to [the point of] nausea" (Source: Wikipedia).

On my desk at work is a framed photo of me at work en femme on Halloween in 2012. It serves as a reminder to me of who I really am and is my way of virtually going to work every day en femme.

During the two years that that photo has been on my desk, only one co-worker has ever commented or asked about it and their question was an innocuous, "Who took the photo?"

I am not sure what that says about me or my co-workers.

• Maybe my co-workers suspect that something is going on with me, but are too polite to ask.
• Maybe my co-workers suspect that something is going on with me, but are bored with it, so don't ask about it and just wonder what is taking her so long to move on with her life.
• Maybe my co-workers feel that it is none of their business or maybe they just don't care.

Regardless, it will be interesting to hear my co-workers thoughts on the matter after the fact.

I appreciate all your concerns that you e-mailed me or left as comments to Thursday's post. I believe that I have everything covered (read my replies to your comments) and there is only one thing holding me back: telling my wife.

That one thing holding me back is a big thing and I am carefully strategizing  how I am going to handle it. Haste makes waste, as they say, but on the other hand, I am ready to burst and need to resolve this soon.

 

 

 

Wearing DailyLook.

 

 

 

Actor Hemmo Karja femulating in the 2014 Finnish film Nightmare 2.

Crossdressing at Work

I spotted someone crossdressing at work yesterday!

A 20-something blonde, who works in Human Resources was crossdressed as a male. She wore a man's shirt (one like the field engineers here wear with the company logo on the breast pocket), black Docker's trousers, and black shoes (flats that looked like the black walkers I own). Her shirt and trousers were big and hid her feminine figure. She wore no makeup and had her shoulder-length hair pulled back so that her ears were completely revealed.

The first time I saw her, I thought it was a new male employee or a male employee visiting from another branch of our company. Only when she spoke did I recognize her.

Today, she was back in girl mode.

It must be nice to have the option to dress as a boy one day and to dress as a girl the next day!

(Originally posted March 29, 2007)

Work, Shoes and Vacation

I wrote here awhile back that my manager, a male, was let go in the fall of 2009. A female replaced him and she reported to a male VP.

That male VP announced that he will retire December 31. His replacement is female.

As a result, starting January 1, I will report to a female who also reports to a female.

The boys' club is becoming a girls' club. Either way, I fit in.

***

The chatter about my Halloween day en femme at work has died down to zero.

Some blog readers commented that since I have done three Halloweens at work en femme, my co-workers probably suspect something is up.

I am sure that they do, but no one has said so out loud to me, although, one fellow made the following comment in a feigned sarcastic manner, "Yeah --- you just happened to have that outfit handy to wear." 

***

Nine West, my go-to shoe store, is having an excellent sale. I just bought a pair of $89 platform pumps for $48.

***

Starting today, I am on vacation until January 2. I don't expect that my time-off will affect the daily blog postings here, but if I miss a day, don't worry --- I am just vacationing and will be back real soon.

Someday

Girl Talk

After I ate lunch at work on Friday, I went to the kitchen to get a fresh cup of coffee and I found my best female friend preparing a salad for her lunch.

Two years ago, my friend and I had planned a girls' night out, but she cancelled on me at the last minute. I was very disappointed and I was kind of cool towards her for a couple of weeks. I don't know if she noticed, but after the frigid weather, things returned to normal between us more or less. Less because I stopped sharing all my transgender adventures with her as I had in the past.

I had my iPod Touch in hand when I walked into the kitchen, so I decided I would test the waters. I told her I wanted to show her a recent photo and she seemed very interested.

I showed her the photo I had taken before attending my law school reunion. She thought I looked "stunning" and she asked me to e-mail her the photo, which I  proceeded to do.   

We repaired to her office and indulged in about 10 minutes of girl talk until she had to take a business-related phone call.

I told her all about my reunion. Then we got on the subject of aging and she was shocked when I revealed my age to her. She thought I looked younger than my age and I mentioned how I use moisturizer and eye cream. That led to talking about selling Avon.

Then she asked me if I could have one wish granted to me, would I wish to live as a woman the rest of my life? Absolutely, I told her and I added that I would live 24/7 as a woman now if I could.

Then the phone rang.

I am glad that I tested the waters with her and that she was happy to talk to me woman-to-woman.

Dress Code

Human Resources sent an e-mail out yesterday titled "Dress Code."

We expect you to report for work in appropriate attire. The image projected by personnel is important to our company’s success. Even though we have adopted a casual dress code policy, you should exercise discretion in selecting clothes suited to a casual business environment.

For example, the following are not appropriate attire for an office environment:

•    Backless or see-through shirts and/or styles that expose the abdomen, excessive skin or undergarments

•    Ripped/torn clothing or jeans and low-rise styles that expose excessive skin/undergarments

•    Miniskirts/dresses, short shorts and cut-offs shorts

•    Stretch/stirrup pants/leggings unless combined w/mid-thigh length top

•    Visible foundation garments, low cut and/or suggestive clothing

•    Clothing that is unwashed or stained

•    Bare feet, over the knee boots and beach shoes (rubber flip-flops)

Ouch - My wardrobe resembles some of that banned attire!

Leaving work yesterday, I mentioned to the receptionist that I will have to start abiding by the dress code.

"No miniskirts for me tomorrow," I remarked.

She laughed.

If she only knew! (And maybe someday, she will.)

Comments

"My name is Stana."

I received an e-mail yesterday afternoon from a reader who posted a comment earlier in the day, but wondered if she had done something wrong because her comment had not appeared on the blog.

I work Monday through Friday, 7 AM to 4 PM (more or less), and my workplace filters Internet content (in a willy-nilly fashion). As a result, I cannot access the comment moderation function to approve/disapprove comments posted during the work day.

Only after I get home and get on my home computer, can I moderate your comments. So, if your weekday comments do not appear right after you post them, now you know why.

Speaking of comments, after reading your comments regarding my Halloween costume plans, I am reconsidering. I still plan to go to work en femme, but now I am considering office wear again dressing as a "highly successful business woman in the power skirt suit, heels, etc.," as Jaye Anne suggested.

That costume choice would be easy as I already have all the fixings to put that costume together. On the other hand, a stewardess cap and wings can quickly convert office wear into flight attendant wear, so I have not ruled out "coffee, tea, or me" yet.

No matter what I wear, anyone at work who wondered about my gender after seeing my previous two "office girl" costumes will have no doubt where my gender is after October 31. And so be it; it could break ground for a transition at work.

Meanwhile, I battened down the hatches last night and await the arrival of Hurricane Irene.

We are in the cross-hairs of the predicted path of the storm and when it hits us on Sunday, we may lose power. If that occurs, Femulate will be on hiatus until power returns (although my computer is battery-powered, my Wi-Fi is not).

And so it goes.

Monday Back-to-Work Drag

This year, Halloween falls on a Monday.

There may or may not be anything "official" going on at work Halloween-wise, but I plan to go to work en femme.

I've done it twice before when my workplace had official Halloween function. (You can read about that here and here.)

In the past, I often considered dressing en femme for Halloween when there was no official Halloween functions, but I chickened out each time. This year, I am not going to chicken out. I just have to decide what to wear.

I've done "office girl drag" twice, so I want to wear something different instead.

I still have all the parts of my last Halloween costume, a roaring '20's flapper, so that's a possibility. Or I can go for something completely different.

I always fancied wearing an airline stewardess uniform, but all the stewardess costumes I have found for sale are slutty and not authentic. I thought about building my own stewardess uniform. The only difficult items to obtain are the stewardess hat and wings. Reproduction hats are available, but I have not been able to locate reproduction wings.

Other costume possibilities that have come to mind are:

• Jersey Shore girl
• Call girl
• Goth girl
• Beauty queen

If you all have any other suggestions, please leave a Comment below.

My Overnight Dream

The memory of a dream I had overnight is fading fast.

I was dressed en femme for an event that some of my co-workers were attending. I encountered a male friend from work and he was not comfortable with my presentation. He remarked to someone about how nice I looked, but he could not look at me and seemed very uncomfortable.

Then I woke up.

(FYI, I seldom remember my dreams. The few that I do remember are usually femulation-related.)

A Red Letter Sweater Day

Last night, the temperature was down to 11°F in my neighborhood and down to 5°F where I work. The forecast was that the temperature would rise to about 20°F today, so I decided to wear my warmest sweater to work.

A red ribbed turtleneck is the warmest sweater I own. I bought on clearance in the women's department at the Gap.

I am unsure whether the sweater looks that feminine. It is like the one in the photo to the right except that my sweater is a brighter shade of red.

Anyway, for what it's worth, I received a compliment ("Nice sweater") at work this morning... from a guy!

Dear Stana: What About Long Nails in Boy Mode?

Dear Stana,

I absolutely love your blog and visit it several times a week. I really appreciate the time you put into making your page worth a look and keeping it updated. Those comics are hysterical!

Now I must ask, as much as you are out and about and somewhat "open" at work, would you share your opinion on guys with long nails?

I do wear my nails long, and they have been getting longer as I've been getting braver. Today, in a meeting with two females, the more masculine one called me on it. She said "you need to clip your nails, why are they so long?"

I told her they were to claw her eyes out. The other girl remarked she must really know me well to make that kind of comment.

My employer prides itself on embracing diversity and I have little care for what "the company" would say, but it's individuals like this that make me stop and think about what I am doing. I feel sure more people have noticed, but have respectfully withheld comment.

I do love having long nails to polish on the weekend when I have more time to femulate. Do you have any thoughts?

Keep up the great work!

Robyn

Hi Robyn,

Thank you for the kind words!

I wear false pre-glued stick-on nails (Kiss brand) mainly because I never got the hang of polishing my own nails under the gun. However, for six or eight months a few years ago, I did grow my own nails out to a feminine length.

I never worried about what my co-workers thought about my nails. If one asked about my nails, I would point-blankly respond that my nails are long because I dress as a woman on weekends.

Either they thought I was joking and laughed at my response or they didn't know what to think. In either case, I never was asked twice by the same person.

As long as you keep your nails neat and clean, no one should have any complaints about them. I am a little surprised that your co-worker said that about your nails. She had a lot of nerve!

I say, you go, girl and wear your long nails and the public be darned!

Best Wishes,

Stana

Need advice concerning femulation or other crossdressing-related matters, then e-mail me and I will happily give you my opinion on the matter. My e-mail address is stana-stana at sbcglobal.net.