Be a Normal Man

“Be a Normal Man” is the subject of a spam e-mail I received yesterday. So, following the advice of that e-mail, I went to Home Depot to do some shopping like a “normal man.”

To my astonishment, there were more women shopping at Home Depot than men. The majority of the Home Depot “associates” were women, too.

I felt a little out of place just like when I go shopping for girly things in a girly store while dressed in boy mode. It felt like every woman in Home Depot was watching me to see what girly product I would fondle. I could read their minds, “What is HE going to do with that Torx screwdriver?”

I was so paranoid that I used the automated self-check-out instead of going to a cashier (who were all women) to avoid the smirks and knowing looks that I was bound to receive while making my girly purchase.

Next time I shop at Home Depot, I will be sure to wear a dress, wig, makeup and heels so I won’t feel out of place.

Anne Hathaway

Diana Hunt is a native of Washington, D.C., but now lives in Rome, Italy, with a wife, who she married twice on the same day – in the morning as a woman and a man, and later in the day as two women. Click here to visit Diana’s Pinterest page.

A Gucci Christmas!

By Lisa Phelps

A real Gucci dress on me, really?

Let me start at the beginning of the story. Several years ago I decided I wanted to create my own prom. After all, I missed out getting dressed up properly for my high school prom, if you don’t count the midnight blue satin suit with ruffled shirt that was in vogue in the 1970’s. (You must admit from the accompanying photo of a similar suit, that it gives off good feminine vibes, even without the ruffled shirt.

I won’t bore you with my prom story here, but suffice it to say that to attend my prom I needed “the dress” and I found a gorgeous one at Macy’s on sale for something like $69. 

After I bought the dress, I noticed that the designer was Adrianna Papell. I happily included that information in a description of the night to my daughter and her reaction was “I have no idea who the designer you mentioned is… I don’t like the idea of spending too much… it’s all about branding and buying into an idea.” 

Essentially, she was letting me know that while the dress was beautiful, she could care less who designed it. I must admit that I am not a designer hound either – I was more impressed that I got a great deal on the dress! I thought it looked gorgeous (and it would have been over the top stunning if only the model had been better...)

After that experience, I have tried not to pay much attention to labels except to check to see if a dress will fit me. The other day, however, I was in TJ Maxx browsing the racks for anything that would be fun to try on or buy or both. This particular store had a good selection of both inexpensive and more expensive clothes and I greedily snapped up a half dozen dresses and tops to take with me to the fitting room. 

A burgundy satin gown really caught my attention. It looked absolutely regal and visually striking while still up on the hangar jammed in with other less worthy examples. What would it look like on me, I wondered? The hangar tag said it was a size 10. Since I sometimes can squeeze into a size 10, I added it to the items I wanted to try on.

After not quite being able to zip it up, however, I had to admit to myself that the dress just didn’t fit. I sadly slipped out of the dress to look at the label again to check the size. The label definitely said 10, so the problem was the girth around the chest area, not the dress. (Oh, the joys of AMAB!) That is when I saw that it was a Gucci. 

A Gucci dress at TJ Maxx? Really? TJ Maxx is a discounter/reseller; it didn’t make sense that they would be carrying a dress like that. Then I noticed the price tag. TJ Maxx was selling it for the highly discounted price of only $1,400 (One Thousand Four Hundred Dollars!). OMG. This dress was originally $2,700. 

I decided right then and there that I was going to try it on again and take a photo of myself in it. When would I get a chance to try on a dress like that again? When would someone let me even do that without pressuring me to buy it? So I did and the photo didn’t end up looking half bad.

You can see that I had to put one arm behind me. That ploy was required to hold together the two ends of the ribboned belt that went just under the bosom. Even with that maneuver, I think you will agree that the dress still looked amazing, even on this old dress form. Quality really does show well.

If that dress had been $140 instead of $1400, I probably would have bought it even though I have never spent that much on a dress (a footnote to readers struck by my apparent willingness to spend a lot of money on a dress – I am in my 60’s now. When I was younger and had a growing family, I never spent more than about $10 on any of my womenswear items). My seamstress could have let it out enough for me to wear it. 

Truthfully, I would have been crazy to buy the dress even at 1/10th the cost because it would simply have gone into the closet with the other lonely members of my formal dress collection. I have a half dozen amazing dresses in that wonderful assembly of style (including the one I wore to my “prom”), but I am lucky if I have just one event every couple of years calling for a dress like that. 

I take comfort from my wife’s own, similar collection of formalwear. Although too-often ignored, each dress nevertheless shines like a beacon of ultimate femininity from the corner of my closet calling me to go out and dance!

I should add that I was just in New York with my wife and we passed the Gucci store on Fifth Avenue. As we went by, my best friend brought me full circle when she said, “I am not impressed by Gucci. It is for insecure people who are trying to place their value as human beings on their stuff. The money can be spent on much better things that help human kind.” 

Like daughter, like mother! They are both right on some level of course, but come on, ladies, don’t the times sometimes demand a little style?

Regardless of the inclinations of the ladies in my life, I’ll hang on to my life lesson from this experience: you may not be able to fit the girl in the Gucci, but the Gucci still belongs on the girl. Yeah, baby – Gucci Gucci Goo!

Wearing Yumi Kim

Alyss Hart is a Femulate reader from the Gold Coast, Australia, posing earlier this year at a crossdressing studio, Arpi's House of Transformation.

Lots of Lady Shoppers

Out and About and Happy!

As you know, I am a big advocate of getting out there among the civilians and experiencing the world as a woman. Freeing yourself from the closet and breathing in the fresh air is an exhilarating experience. Satisfaction guaranteed – you will love it!

It does my heart good when I see girls like us out and about. So I was very happy when I discovered Janetdarling’s Transhopping Pinterest page with over a thousand photos of us ladies shopping in public and smiling while doing it! 

Sure there is some duplication and there probably are a few cisgender ladies that slipped into Janetdarling’s collection, but discounting those, the quantity of girls out and about is very impressive!

Wearing Zuhair Murad

Benjamin Koldyke and Amaury Nolasco femulating in television’s Work It.

Ancient History

The following post originally appeared in my old blog, A Passing Interest, on November 3, 2006. I believe Femulate readers will find it interesting because it documents my first solo trip out among the civilians.

What a day!

Yesterday, I spent the day en femme. I shaved, showered, did my makeup, dressed and was at West Farms Mall at 9:50 AM. Then, I sat in my car trying to get up the courage to go inside the mall. After 20 minutes, I made up my mind that “it was now or never” and I got out of my car and went into the mall.

I dressed appropriately to fit in with the other women shopping at the mall. I wore a long black tunic sweater and “heather-gray” leggings (both from Newport-News) and pant boots I bought from Payless. By the way, the boots were a pleasure to wear. Although, the boots had a 2-inch stacked heel, my feet were free of pain all day and wearing comfortable heels helped me get “the walk” down pat. By the end of the day, I was strutting my stuff like a full-time woman! It felt wonderful.

On the other hand, wearing heels did not help me with my height issue. I’m just under six-feet-two in my bare feet and just under six-feet-four with those boots on. I like to wear heels, so my philosophy is that at six-feet-two, high heels are not going to make or break my ability to pass. If I can pass at six-feet-two, then I can pass at six-feet-four. As the day turned out, I did well.

The legend among crossdressers is that when you are out en femme, avoid packs of teenaged girls because they closely check out the female competition and are more likely to spot a crossdresser than other people you will encounter. Being a school day, I did not encounter many teenagers until late afternoon. And when I did, they were very cool if they noticed me. None acted in a disrespectful manner.

On the other hand, watch out for packs of old ladies (I kid you not). They travel in pairs during the day at the mall and if they read you, some of them are the rudest humans I have ever encountered. They stop dead in their tracks and stare, nudge their fellow pack members. I have even had them point at me!

I had lunch at Ruby Tuesday with my friend Sylvia, who graciously dined with me in boy mode. Two elderly women were seated in the booth directly behind me. When we got up to leave, I glanced back at that booth because something caught my eye. The woman who was seated facing my back was alerting her fellow diner to check me out. Meanwhile, the other woman was straining to turn around to get a better look.

I did not react, ignored them (“ignore the ignorant” is my motto) and left the restaurant. But such rude behavior should not be ignored. Next time, I will respond by asking them, “Can I help you?” or some such. (If anyone has a more effective comeback that is not rude, please let me know. I’d like to keep it handy.)

The rest of the people I encountered yesterday were fine. Most people paid no attention to me. Some males checked me out, but did not react in a negative way. Some women were outright friendly, smiled, and some said, “Hello.”

My first mall goal was to go to Sephora or M·A·C for makeup advice. Sephora moved, so they were not where I thought they would be, but as I window-shopped, I encountered Sephora before M·A·C, so I went into Sephora. Immediately, a saleswoman asked me if I needed assistance and I asked her if she could provide makeup advice. She was happy to do so and sat me at a makeup table for consultation. I talked her out of performing a complete makeover. Instead, I asked her just to do a touch-up to improve what I had done.

I am always concerned with my eyebrows, but she said I had done a good job with them and that they did not need any work. But she did suggest some other improvements. She said I needed to draw my eyeliner out further towards the outside of each eye to give them more of an almond shape. She also said I needed lip-gloss and a little more mascara and blush. She implemented the suggestions and I was so happy with the results that I asked her to take my photo. Here it is.

I bought the mascara, blush, and lip-gloss the saleswomen used on me and went on my way to meet Sylvia for lunch at 11:30.

Except for the encounter with the rude elderly women, lunch was fine. The food was good, the restaurant staff was very accommodating, and my lunch date was fun; I had not seen Sylvia since my support group’s banquet in March and we had a lot of catching up to do.

After lunch, I went back to my car to deposit my purchases and touch up my makeup. I guess my encounter with the rude elderly women had shaken my confidence because I sat in my car for awhile to regroup.

During my makeup consultation at Sephora, I mentioned that I had beard cover under my foundation and that I was wearing beard cover because I was a crossdresser. The saleswoman probably knew that already. She sensed my uneasiness and tried to settle me down by saying “You only have one life to live and you should live it like you want. If someone has a problem, then it is their problem, not yours.”

Those words came back to me while I sat in my car and motivated me to go back in the mall and do some shopping. I visited lots of stores looking at skirts, dresses, and tops, but did not find anything interesting until I hit the clearance rack at Talbots.

There I found three skirts and tried them on, but they were all too short. I have nothing against short skirts; I wear them all the time, but these three were mid-length style skirts that became short skirts because of my height.

When I exited the dressing room, the saleswoman asked if  found anything and I said I liked the skirts, but they were too short. She said I was shopping in the wrong department. I was in the Women’s Department and that somebody of my height should shop in the Misses’ Department. 

Sure enough, I found the same skirts on the clearance rack in the Misses’ Department, tried them on and their hemlines were just right. I bought two of the skirts. Both were over $100 list, but on clearance, they were under $30 each.

Before I paid for the skirts, I had one more look and fell in love with a pencil skirt that cost $108. I tried it on and it fit perfectly, but in my mind, it had to be worn with a blouse or top tucked into the skirt, which is a look that I have never had success with. Two saleswoman suggested different things to try on with that skirt and I tried them all, but I was not satisfied with the look, so I did not buy the skirt.

I really got into trying on clothes at Talbots. It sure beats buying online or from a catalog, waiting for the order to show up, trying it on, being disappointed and having to ship it back on my dime. Instead, I had instant feedback. So, after Talbots, I left the mall and headed to a strip mall to try on clothes at my favorite store, Fashion Bug.

I have done a lot of shopping at Fashion Bug, but always in boy mode, so this would be something completely different. My goal was to find tops to go with the skirts I bought at Talbots. I went through rack after rack of tops and found a sweater that would go with one of the skirts... as long as it fit.

As I headed toward the fitting room, I encountered the clearance dress rack and I could not resist looking. There were a lot of dresses that did not interest me, but when I got to the “special occasion” section of the rack, my eyes lit up and I fell in love with a $90 cocktail dress marked down to almost half price.

It is a real girly party dress. According to the Fashion Bug website, it is a two-tone lace dress with camisole straps and tulle peek-out hemline. The back of dress features satin ribbon lacing, like the lacing on a corset. Problem is that I did not know the back from the front when I tried it on in the fitting room. I thought the lacing belonged at the front.

When I tried it on, it seemed to be the right size, but it did not fit right. Then it occurred to me that I had the dress on backwards, so I turned it around and it fit liked a glove. The sweater also fit. I bought both items and got 15% off by signing up for a Fashion Bug credit card.

That was the end of my day. I was very tired at its end. Some of my exhaustion was probably due to my nervousness. But I think I have finally conquered that problem and next time, I will have even a better timeout. All in all, it was an excellent experience and I can't wait to go shopping en femme again.

Wearing JustFab

David Strajmayster and Guillaume Carcaud femulating on French television's Samantha oups!

Just Fabulous

In these days of COVID-19, I do not go out much en femme or even en homme, so I hope you enjoy this story from 10 years ago when a girl did not have to think twice about going out.

Wednesday, my plan was to attend a day-long seminar on photograph lighting techniques.

I went en femme wearing an argyle sweater tunic, black leggings, and black booties. I considered wearing black tights without leggings, but the tunic was way too short, so I chose a more modest fashion statement.

I dressed, drove to Hartford, parked my Subaru and found my way through the Connecticut Convention Center to the ballroom hosting the seminar where I joined approximately 500 other attendees.

If I learned anything from the seminar, I learned that I have a lot to learn!

I sat through the morning session and got very little out of it. It was way over my head. I needed training at a more basic level and this seminar assumed I already had that training.

During the lunch break, I decided it was pointless to continue. The folks running the seminar were speaking English, but it might as well have been a foreign language. So sitting through four more hours would be fruitless, not to mention extremely boring.

By the way, except for the woman collecting my seminar ticket, not one person spoke to me at the seminar. I exchanged a few hellos and smiles with other women in attendance and I noticed a few guys and gals checking me out, but that was the extent of the interaction with my fellow attendees.

Since I needed a few things for my upcoming Fantasia Fair trip, I decided to go shopping and I can't think of a better time to go shopping for girly things than when I am dressed like a girly.

My first stop was a strip mall in West Hartford where my favorite clothing and shoe stores reside.

As soon as I walked into Dress Barn, the sales staff recognized that my argyle tunic was theirs and they all complimented my outfit. (“That sweater looks fabulous on you,” so said one saleswoman.)

Last time I went to Fantasia Fair, Patty let me borrow a sweater coat that kept me warm during the cool weather in Provincetown. I wanted to get one of my own and I found a black double-breasted shag trim sweater jacket that was a perfect fit.

Dress Barn had a promotion that if you bought one sweater, you could buy a second at 50% off, so I perused their selection of sweater dresses. I found two to try on.

As I walked to the dressing room with my finds, I passed a rack of houndstooth sheath dresses that were oh so retro that I had to try one on. The only problem was that they did not have my size. Not to be deterred, I took the largest size on the rack with me to the dressing room and hoped for the best.

A belted purple sweater dress was too tight (and probably too short), so I re-racked it. A gray cable sweater dress was a perfect fit; it showed off my every curve, so it was a keeper.

Finally, I tried on the to-die-for too-small-for houndstooth dress and I was shocked that it fit. Go figure — dress sizes are all over the place; you don't know what will fit until you try it on. That is why I prefer shopping in person en femme.

Anyway, I bought the houndstooth, too, and between the 50% off one sweater dress and a 20% off everything coupon, I only put a small dent in my credit card.

Next stop, was a few doors down from Dress Barn: Payless shoe store. Like dresses, shoe sizes are all over the place, so I was glad to be able to shoe shop in person en femme. I was looking for something comfortable to wear while I traipsed upon the unforgiving cobblestone sidewalks of Provincetown.

Payless had heels in my size, so I had to try them on. One pair was too tight, another pair fit perfectly, but hurt (go figure), and the third pair was just right; when I slipped it on, it was like putting on a bedroom slipper. It was on sale, too, so I anted up and bought the pair.

At the register, the saleswoman asked if I was a member of AAA, which I am and that was worthy of a 10% discount. So, I bought a nice pair of comfortable and fashionable shoes for $18!

I checked my watch and noted that the afternoon was still young and the West Farms Mall was beckoning to me from across the street, so I spun my Subaru over to the mall and started at Nordstrom.

The store was way out there price-wise. Simple dresses cost $350, but I browsed the racks anyway hoping to find something that was marked down (way down).

While I was perusing a rack of cocktail dresses, a saleswoman nearby spoke up, “You're tall. I’m tall, too. How tall are you?”

I said, “Six foot two.”

She replied, “I'm six foot one.”

And she engaged me in a discussion about being a tall female. She asked me how I liked being tall (“I love it.”). She admitted that she had some difficulties during her school years because of her height, but as an adult, she was happy with her height.

After we exchanged a few more words, I excused myself and headed out the door to greener pastures that go by the name of “Jessica McClintock.” The store had some drop-dead gorgeous cocktail dresses, but very few in my size. I tried on a green dress reputedly in my size, but it was too too small.

The saleswoman confided that their dresses run small and that my best bet would be something stretchy. She suggested a purple stretch taffeta bustier dress, so I took it to the dressing room and tried it on. It fit and it looked great, but it cost $160, so I did not buy it (I had non-buyer's remorse for days).

The cocktail dress I did not buy.

As I prepared to leave the store, the other saleswoman in the store said I looked “fabulous” and the saleswoman I had been dealing with shook her head in agreement.

I thanked them profusely and exited on that positive note.

By then, my feet were no longer getting along with my booties, so I decided to call it quits, and rode my Subaru into the sunset.

Needless to say, my day out en femme was “fabulous.”

Unlike days out in the past, I went about my business without any hesitation because now I am so very comfortable and confident in my skin. After all, I am a woman, so why shouldn’t I be one.

Wearing A.L.C. sweater and Marissa Webb shorts

Dwayne Hickman (left) and Frankie Avalon (right) femulating in the 1965 film Ski Party.
You can view the film’s trailer on YouTube and a 10-minute clip from the film here.

Shopping During the Pandemic

This came over the Mojo Wire from CBS News a few days ago:

Ann Taylor and Lane Bryant's corporate owner filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy Thursday, the latest retailer to do so during the coronavirus pandemic.

Ascena Retail Group of Mahway, New Jersey, which operates nearly 3,000 stores mostly at malls, had been dragged down by debt and weak sales for years. As part of its bankruptcy plan, the company said that it would close all of its Catherines stores, a “significant number” of Justice stores and a select number of Ann Taylor, Loft, Lane Bryant and Lou & Grey stores.

That’s bad news for girls like us and all girls, in general. I shopped at Lane Bryant when I was heavier, at Ann Taylor when I was lighter and I will miss them both.

Meanwhile, DressBarn, which closed all its stores’ doors last year keeps on chugging along via the Internet.

Initially, their Internet offerings were blah and did not interest me. But lately, they have been showing some edgier clothing – a lot of it intended for younger customers. Seems that they are now selling clothing from other sellers. For example, the dress in the photo above right is from SukiSo. (Click on the boutique menu on the DressBarn website to see what I mean.)

Meanwhile, my femulating is still quarantined. There is no place for a girl to go to show off her girl! Frustrated by it all, I keep buying more clothes that I can’t wear out yet! Two new dresses from Venus should arrive today and a new dress from Haband should be shipped real soon now.

And so it goes!

Olivia

Boys can can-can, too!

Fry Day

This is why you feel discouraged when you try on clothes

By Ginger Burr at Total Image Consultants



Here's the free webinar link mentioned at the end of the video: https://totalimageconsultants.com/web

👠 👠 👠

Laser Hair Removal: Everything You Need to Know

By Jenna Rennert for Vogue.com

“While laser hair removal has been around since the ’90s, it’s more popular than ever. And for good reason: it’s an effective and safe way to get rid of facial and body hair that requires virtually no upkeep. And while we might be seeing the return of the full bush, the laser hair removal market continues to climb.”

Read the rest of this excellent article here.

👠 👠 👠

When I was a kid, I thought Friday was so-called because that was the day of the week that Catholic kids like me had fried fish for supper.

Wearing JustFab

Male and female patrons at Eldorado in Berlin, circa 1930

Out Finally

I made a promise to myself that as soon I was finished with physical therapy, I was going to have a girl's day out. My final physical therapy session was last Tuesday, so I checked my calendar and this Tuesday was open.

Lazy girl that I am, I did not maintain a clean shaven body all summer because I knew I was not going out anytime soon. So Monday afternoon I took on the task of removing a summer's worth of body hair.

The Philips Norelco Bodygroomer I bought last year made the job easy and in about an hour, my body was hairless again. Truth be told, my legs have been shorn so many times during the past 55 years that there is not much growing there anymore, so most of the hair removal was on my arms and torso and just a few tufts of hair on my knees and toes.

Tuesday morning, I shaved my face, showered, ate breakfast, watched Morning Joe, did my makeup and got dressed. I wore the Calvin Klein floral scuba shift dress that I bought last time I shopped at Dress Barn in the spring. I felt it was appropriate to wear that dress because one goal for the day was to go to Dress Barn and use my gift cards before they shutter the store forever.

The high heels I chose were loose and kept slipping off my feet. My wife warned me that my feet would shrink if I lost weight and I guess she was right. Thirty pounds lighter, I had to try on four pairs of shoes until I found a pair that was less prone to slipping off my feet.

The solution was a compromise because there still was some slippage and by day's end, my feet were tired from gripping my shoes all day long. I guess it's time to go shoe shopping. (I so miss Payless!)

I drove to the Dress Barn in a strip mall that is a stone's throw from my former place of employment. I shopped there so often that I knew the staff by name and the staff knew me in girl and boy mode.

I began perusing the racks and I was greeted by the store manager. I told her about my lost summer and we discussed the demise of Dress Barn. I mentioned that I received a letter last week that my Dress Barn credit card would be no good after October 31, so I thought that might be the day they finally close all the stores. She thinks that the last day will be December 24, which makes more sense.

You would never know that the store was going out of business. The racks were full of fresh fall fashions and I took three dresses to the dressing room to try on. All three were size 14 and all three fit perfectly and to make matters worse, all three looked great on me!

I was afraid to try on anything else, so I avoided the racks and made a bee-line to the store representative staffing the cash register and burned through my gift cards.

I took my purchases to my Subaru, then drove to WestFarms Mall where I thought I could do some window shopping and if I got hungry, dine at Brio Tuscan Grille or P.F. Chang's. I perused the racks at Macy's and found another dress to die for, but lucky for my purse, they did not have it in my size.

After window shopping for a half hour, I was a little hungry and my feet were a lotta tired, so I flipped a coin and went to Brio for lunch.

Not too much to say about Brio. As usual, I was treated like a lady and the food was delicious. The waitress said my dress was "beautiful" and she applauded me for wearing heels as I exited the establishment.

Back home by 4 PM, I was tired, but exhilarated by my girl's day out. I will have to do it again real soon now.

Wearing Boston Proper

Kazik Mazur femulates Alicja Majewska on Polish television's Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo.

Breaking (Heart) News: Dress Barn Closing

Dress Barn AKA Roz & Ali is going out of business. A half dozen readers have passed along the bad news, so I thought that I would pass along the news, too.

In addition to readers informing me about Dress Barn, I received a text message from my cousin relaying the news. I was very surprised to receive that text because I am not out to that wing of the family. How did she find out that I am a Dress Barn / Roz & Ali customer?

Turns out that my cousin had birthday-gifted my wife a Dress Barn gift card last year and she wanted to make sure my wife used it before Dress Barn shutters its doors!

(By the way, I am composing a post or two about my Hamvention weekend, so please stand-by.)

Shoe Shopping

My latest Amazon purchase: Nine West "Epiphany" slingback pumps for $39.99

I love my shoes.

Shoes are the last item I don when I get dressed. And when I slip on my high heel pumps, it's as if my fairy godmother waves her magic wand and I suddenly feel absolutely marvelous.

I own a lot of shoes. My favorite brands are Payless and Nine West. Both have shoes in my size (12). Although Payless shoes are less expensive than Nine West shoes, Nine West's are better quality and usually real leather.

Payless will be history soon, so that leaves me with Nine West.

The local Nine West brick and mortar store never has size 12s, so I order online. Nine West prices being what they are, I only order when they have a sale. Even then their prices are typically higher than Payless normal prices, but what's a poor girl to do?

"Go to Amazon," is what a poor girl should do.

I recently discovered that Amazon has lots of Nine West shoes for sale at very attractive prices. Unless I missed something (which is possible because I often miss something), this is a recent development because when I looked for Nine West shoes on the "Big A" in the recent past, there was only a small selection.

The only catch is that the Nine West shoes on Amazon do not necessarily match what is currently available on the Nine West website. The Amazon selection is older than what you will find on Nine West online or in their brick and mortar stores, but that is OK by me. The savings, quality and real leather make up for it.

Wearing Nine West (Source: Nine West)

Brian Deacon femulates in the 1973 British film The Triple Echo.

Changing Room Fun

Dressing Room Selfie

I never get tired of shopping for clothing. Browsing through the racks and finding a half-dozen outfits to take to the changing room is just as much fun today as it was when I would browse through my mother’s closet and find outfits to try on in front of her full-length mirror.

Just writing about shopping motivates me to go shopping. After all I do need something new to wear when I go to Hamvention (as if I don’t already have a half-dozen dresses hanging in my closet that still have their price tags attached).

Someday my tombstone will read, “Shopped ‘Til She Dropped.”

Anyway here are a few thing I learned when shopping.

👠 If a store associate is available when going to the changing room to try on your finds, play dumb and ask where the changing rooms are located. I do this whenever possible for insurance purposes, that is, if somebody complains about a dude in the lady’s dressing room, the dude can say that’s where the store associate told me to go.

👠 Take as many outfits as possible to try on when you go to the changing room. Some stores limit the number you can take in, some don’t, but in any case, go for the max in order to minimize the number of times you have to change in and out of your street clothes.

👠 Shop at smaller women’s clothing stores rather than big department stores. You won’t get a lot of hands-on assistance in large department stores, however, you usually will get assistance in smaller women’s clothing stores. For example, when you are ready to try on your finds, an associate will “start” a changing room for you (your very own queendom) and sometimes they will even put a sign on the door reserving that room for you with your femme name emblazoned on the sign. If something is the wrong size, the associate will fetch another size to try on saving you the trouble of getting back into your street clothes to do the fetching yourself.

👠 In smaller stores, savvy associates will size you up and recommend clothing for you to try on. This has happened to me more than once and I ended up trying clothing on that looked great on me, but I would have never given a second look if the sales associate had not made the suggestion.

👠 Speaking of street clothes, wear an outfit that you can strip off and put back on easily. I own a sweater dress that has a full-length zipper in front, which is perfect for quick undressing/dressing. Jumpsuits also work well.

👠 The associates want to sell, so if they compliment you on what you try on, take the compliment with a grain of salt. If you go shopping with a friend, your friend’s compliments may not be any more valuable than the store associate’s because your friend may not want to hurt your feelings. So here is a way I get an independent appraisal of what I am trying on… I step out of the dressing room on the pretense of viewing myself in the full-length mirrors usually hung throughout the store. My goal is for another customer to see me while I am doing this. If they gush over what I am wearing, it is a bingo! Whenever I have done this, other customers always check me out while I am checking me out and if they like what they see, they let me know.

👠 For a quick self-appraisal, take a selfie or have an associate take your photo. The difference between what you “see” in a mirror and what you “see” in a photo is surprising ― trust the photo, not the mirror.

Shopping for women’s clothing is almost as much fun as wearing women’s clothing! So, you go girls and have some fun!

Wearing Wholesale7 (Source: Wholesale7)

John Mulaney (center) femulates on a 2018 episode of television's Saturday Night Live.