How to Start

By Paula Gaikowski

As we move into the new year, I remember a resolution I made to write more for Femulate. This also helps justify the luxurious office suite that I occupy here at the sprawling Femulate World Headquarters.

It also compels me to spend less time at the water cooler sharing makeup and fashion tips. Although CEO Stana can be a taskmaster, we keep a close watch on the Dress Barn sales flyers knowing well those days are best for our long lunches.

I am often asked by transgender persons who want to start expressing their femininity, "How do I start?"

Whether you just want to experiment at home or want to go out and about as a woman, being a girl takes work and time and it truly is a lifestyle.

It will take time to find your niche or comfort zone as a woman. It truly is an evolution. It’s important to enjoy the journey, new shoes, a good hair day, perfect eye makeup or your first steps out the door.
I recommend starting with something that interests you, begin small. Maybe you want to get that first wig or start learning makeup skills.

The important part is to start, nothing will happen if you do nothing.

I’ll cover three areas where you can initiate a positive move toward your feminine core.

First is makeup. Back in 2009 I approached the cosmetics counter at Lord and Taylor trembling inside asking for a foundation to provide good coverage. The first woman I spoke with directed me to the NARS counter.

At this point I thought, “Oh no, they are freaking out,” but the young woman I met (Kasey) was polite and helpful. Over the next few months, I would come back to build my needed stock of makeup. Each time, Kasey taught me how to use the cosmetics and also encourage me. We had some in-depth conversations about transgender people and the world. During this time, she would extend the repeated offer of a makeover. I never would have dreamed of going out in public. But over that year I started to get my proverbial transgender wings and started going out regularly.

Kasey worked for NARS and has since moved onto a career in the corporate world. So I became a devoted MAC girl. I cannot recommend them more highly. Other Femulate readers will concur that the policy at MAC is highly inclusive; they have many transgender customers and will treat you with the upmost respect. If you recall, MAC sponsored Caitlyn Jenner’s “Finally Free” lipstick and donated the proceeds to transgender youth.

What you are really looking for as an emerging transgender person is to slowly open yourself up in a positive environment. You will begin to feel good about yourself and in turn, slowly build a collection of makeup and beauty products that will help you with your goals.

The guidance and support you will get from the makeup artists at MAC will surely be worth the added expense of their product.

There is nothing more liberating than telling another woman, "This makeup is for me, I am transgender."

It all flows forward from there.

Next week, we will talk about building a wardrobe.

Wearing Jovani (Source: Edressme)

Jan Cina femulates Madonna on the Czech Republic' version of television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

Self-Feminization

Recently, I received an e-mail from Miss Z bemoaning the fact that her face is too masculine, so she never presents as a woman in public because she fears being ridiculed as a man in a dress.

Over the years, I have received similar complaints from other readers, for example, Miss K once wrote, "It's easy for you to go out – you are drop-dead gorgeous! But it's not so easy for the rest of us who are not born with gorgeous genes!"

Thank you, but I assure you I was not born with gorgeous genes. In boy mode, no one mistakes me for a woman. Although I don't have a craggy-face like Tommy Lee Jones, I also don't have the beautiful visage of Catherine Zeta-Jones. I just don't slip on a dress and heels and look like Stana – I have to feminize myself before I can approach drop-dead gorgeousness!

In this and near future posts, I plan to write about some of the things I have learned and used to feminize myself.

Day-to-Day Maintenance

I do not present as a female everyday, but I perform maintenance on my body everyday to enhance my female presentation on those days I do.

I shave my face and neck daily with a Philips Norelco rotary electric shaver.

When I am finished with my face and neck, I shave other parts of my body. One day, I do my legs, another day, I do my arms. My breasts, shoulders and back are also part of this daily routine. So over a four- or five-day period, I shave all the parts of my body that may be exposed depending on what I wear as a woman.

Being an Avon lady, I occasionally receive free samples. About 15 years ago, I received a free sample of a product to deal with wrinkles around the eyes. Looking in the mirror at the wrinkles developing around my eyes, I decided to try the free sample.

After a week or so, the wrinkles were less noticeable. After a few weeks, I had to examine my eyes closely to find the wrinkles. So, I was sold on the eye cream and currently use Avon Anew Clinical Eye Lift Pro Dual Eye System every morning.

I also moisturize my face and neck in the morning using Olay Complete All Day Moisturizer. After many, many years of shunning skin care, I began using a moisturizer after my success with eye cream and it made a huge difference. My skin is smoother, more supple, healthier-looking and my makeup goes on easier and looks better.

I also moisturize my feet every morning using Avon Foot Works Intensive Moisture Foot Cream. I began moisturizing my feet about 18 months ago and it has made a big difference. Before I began moisturizing, my feet were drop-dead ugly. There was no confusing my feet for a lady's. Eighteen months later, my feet are actually pretty! My thigh highs and pantyhose slip on and off easily; no longer getting hung up (and running) on a callous or other dry skin anomaly. And my high heels feel more comfortable on my silky, smooth feet.

About six months ago, I received a tube of Avon Foot Works Peppermint Reviving Leg Gel which was bundled with a purchase of the Avon foot cream. Since I was already stripped down to my panties when I moisturize my feet, I decided to try the gel on my legs. The gel's function is to refresh and soothe tired, achy legs with a "cooling gel featuring peppermint oil." I liked the way the gel feels and smells and it feel when I massage the gel into my legs, so it is now a part of my morning routine.

Until last year, I maintained my weight. For about 45 years, I kept my weight within a five-pound range. Whenever it edged up five pounds, I would take measures to bring it back down.

About a year ago, I started a diet. It was simple; nothing drastic. I just cut down on my sugar and bread intake and tried not to eat in between meals and by June, I lost 20 pounds.

I don't have to tell you how that missing 20 pounds improved my female presentation. I dropped two dress sizes, lost my back fat, dropped one shoe size, thinned my face, improved my figure and overall, felt better not to mention, more feminine.

Finally, for what it’s worth, I have never smoked in all my 66 years and I seldom drink alcoholic beverages (I probably average less than one glass of beer per month). I am sure that has contributed to my appearance and enhanced my ability to femulate.

Wearing Catherine Catherine Malandrino (Source: HauteLook)

Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis femulating in the 1959 film Some Like It Hot.

To Tuck or Not To Tuck

Reacting to this photo in yesterday's post, Paula Goodwin commented, "As something of a self confessed fashionista (although not of your standing!) I always enjoy the photos you share. Today's Femulatee picture does beg a question for me ~ To tuck or not to tuck?

"I have always felt that a jumper should be worn "out" over the waist line of the nether garment, yet I have a few skirts and trousers with lovely waist line details that then get covered up. Clearly there can be no hard and fast rule, but I am now rethinking this little problem."

It is a question that I have struggled with in the past (even in boy mode). When confronted with the tuck or no tuck question in boy mode, I will ask any handy cisgender female, "Which looks better?" and I usually go along with their advice.

In girl mode, the answer from a not-so-supportive female might be "neither," so I don't bother asking and look in the mirror for an answer.

Before I dropped 20 pounds, I usually did not tuck because my girdle did not reduce my girth enough and I ended up with a muffin-top. Down 20 pounds, the muffin-top is gone and I can tuck or not tuck with great abandon.

When I dressed for the company Christmas party, I initially tried my outfit on wearing the top untucked. The top came down to my hips and hid half of the pretty skirt I was wearing. So I tried tucking and I was much happier with the results, as you can see in the accompanying photo.

So, it depends on what you are wearing. For example, you would not tuck a top that was obviously designed to be worn untucked like a belted top, pleated top, a top with flounces, etc. Similarly, if the skirt or slacks you are wearing demands to be seen in their entirety (like my gold pleated mini-skirt), then you want to pair it with a tuckable top.

Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)

Actor Ames McNamara dresses femininely in television's 2018 reboot of Roseanne.

My wife dresses like a man!

Yes, my wife dresses like a man!

She says that she always dressed like a man, prefers to dress like a man and has no plans to change. But in this day and age, it is embarrassing to be seen out and about with my wife dressed like me.

When we first met, she dressed like a man just like many of her peers. But as more and more women began dressing like women, I assumed that my wife would follow suit. She did not and today, 25 years later, she still dresses like one of the guys.

Her boss has hinted that she is may not getting job promotions because she dresses like a man, but her boss has not pushed it because the law is on my wife's side. Still, it would be nice if my wife toed the line, received promotions and increased out family income. But my wife is happy dressing like a man and I won't try to stop her.

Our friends and acquaintances are accustomed to my wife's appearance. But strangers find it a little odd when they realize she is really a woman especially since she passes so well as a man. In addition to wearing men's clothing, she also has her hair cut like a man and wears all the accoutrements that men favor, like jewelry and makeup. She even carries a purse!

Lucky for me we wear different sizes, otherwise she would be raiding my closet. One time, she was so enamored by a new sexy bra I bought at Victoria's Secret that she insisted trying it on, but it looked ridiculous on her because her boobs are so much bigger than mine. That put an end to her borrowing my clothing, although occasionally I do let her borrow a pair of my pantyhose.

And so it goes!

(Yes, the story above is fiction.)

Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)

Starla submitted this find from the 1970 yearbook of Wichita County High School in Leoti, Kansas. (I wonder how Dennis became so adept at applying makeup?)

Julie's Day Out

Julie Elliott is a Scottish girl who recently had such a wonderful day out that she wanted to share her story with me and I asked her for permission to share her story with you. And here it is. 

Thanks so much for your blog, I am a regular reader and gotten many tips. I thought my latest adventure may be of interest and provide some amusement.

I have crossdressed all my life. My wife knows, but she has never met nor desires to meet Julie, so Julie is only goes out to play when travelling or when my wife is away. We have children and I have no desire to burden them with the consequences of having a crossdressing Dad while they are still in school.

My wife was away for two weeks visiting family and as I am semi-retired, I had some Julie time while the children were at school.

A very good crossdressing friend suggested that I go for a makeup lesson because I don't have much of an idea about what to buy and there seems to be so many products to choose from. So I phoned the beauty department of a local department store (Debenhams) and asked for an appointment.

The girl asked if it was for my wife, but I said no, it's for me as I'm transgender. She said that would be fine and I could report to the Urban Decay counter at 10 AM on Thursday. She took a £10 deposit. Us pensioners can't afford to throw £10 away, so I was definitely committed to going no matter how apprehensive I might have felt.

On the Wednesday evening, I selected my outfit, coat, wig and jewelry and shaved before bed.

Thursday morning, up, shower and second shave, which didn't go as well as I hoped and I managed to nick myself several times. Took the kids to school and noticed that next door, the car gone which means they are out for the day. I got into my stockings, girdle, longline bra, necklace, earrings, beige calf-length skirt, pink blouse and boots. Check my face — it's a mess, so I dabbed on some concealer, but no other makeup and finished with two generous squirts of Charlie behind the ears.

I was more or less ready, so I loaded up my handbag with wipes, tissues, money, camera, hair brush, etc. Put on my trench coat, checked myself in the mirror and took a couple of "before" photos. I got into my car and got away with no one around.

I arrived at Debenhams, took a deep breath and was off to the makeup department. Two assistants were chatting at the desk, so I said hello with a smile. They were expecting me and sat me right down and began the sales pitch.

They squirted a bit of this and bit of that. I'm already totally confused at the array of stuff they said was necessary. They picked out three foundations and painted my chin to get the color match. I was smiling to myself because the girls were wearing trousers and I was wearing a skirt. Then more of this and more of that and I'm thinking to myself, "How the hell am I going to remember all this?" While the girl doing my makeup was picking up the next thing, the other girl noticed that I was looking in the mirror and she said, "You look really lovely" — all part of the sales patter I guess, but it did make me feel good.

After the foundation came the blusher. She did one side and I had to do the other. Next, eyebrows and again she did one, I did the other. Then the eyes. I knew this was going to be difficult because I can't stand things near my eyes, however, we got there. Then mascara; again she did one and I did the other. Finally, the lipstick and then she sprayed something that fixed it all so that it lasts all day. I said I didn't need that as it would all have to come off before I see my children. She must have genuinely thought I was transgender because she said I can show the children how I looked now!

Now the hard sell! There's a whole array of things that she used on me on the counter top, so out with the calculator and she says if you buy everything, it's £450. Wow — I nearly fell off the stool.

She obviously noticed my reaction, so the counter top chess match began and pieces were removed and downsized and then we got down to what products I liked and what I could do without. It still ended up at at £190 and I caved in.

I asked her to take some photos with my camera, but the camera started acting up and the only half decent photo is not good because I look concerned about what is happening. Then she made a list of instructions and said if I want more advise, just give her a call. It was a bit steep, but an enjoyable experience anyway.

I went to the womenswear department to give a round. I now believe that I can appreciate this confidence thing that women are always going on about. I did feel more confident, but don't know whether it was the makeup or whether it was because I had been interacting with women as a woman — probably both.

I left Debenhams and went across the road to another shopping mall where I did quite a bit of browsing, trying on shoes and holding dresses up against me, etc. Funny how I was really enjoying my shopping experience, something I generally hate it when in male mode.

It was lunch time, so I went into a cafe and bought a sandwich and a pot of tea. A quick trip to the ladies' room and then back to the car.

Drove on to grocery store and bought more provisions. The check-out lady scanned everything, so I found my card and asked her if I could scan it rather than enter my PIN and she said, "Yes, certainly sweetheart." That made me smile.

Still only 13:30 and I wanted the experience to last as long as possible, so I headed out of town to another shopping center. I did a tour of the shops there, then I decided I had better get back. Next door neighbor would probably be home and yes, she was, but I cast caution to the wind and kept my wig on for the short walk from car to the back door. I went to turn into the driveway, but a car was coming down the hill, so I had to give way. A lady waved to me — don't know if she knows my wife or not. I hope she was concentrating on driving rather than looking at me!

In the house, I took another load of photos. I wanted to keep everything on until the last minute. Took off the clothes and used wipes to take off makeup, but the mascara and eyeliner wouldn't come off! I took a shower with plenty of soap and water without luck. I tried again with the wipes and managed to remove most of the makeup, but the wipes stung my eyes and have perfume on them — what to do?

The kids were due home and I was smelling of perfume! I opened the front door for the kids and I disappeared into the office as quick as I could. I got the idea to go out on the bicycle to see if my sweat will cancel out the perfume. I got into my cycling kit and cycled away, but it was so cold that there was not much chance of any sweat!

Back home, I took another shower. The smell of the wipes was not as strong. My eyes were red from the chemicals on the wipes.

I really enjoyed my day out with a bit of a panic at the end. I have since returned some of the cosmetics to get the price down to £115, but those that I have kept I really like. I use the moisturizer and lip balm every day when in boy mode and it feels good.

Wearing Ali Rio (Source: Belle and Clive)

Matteo Cetinski femulates Jelena Rozga on Croatian television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

Kandi's Land

As a new feature of Femulate, I plan to identify new blogs that will be of interest to femulators. The first blog to be so identified is Kandi's Land, a blog written by a Cleveland girl, who is very out and about and has the blessing of her wife to do so.

Here is a sample from Kandi's blog.

Kandi

About

I am a crossdresser! There. I said it. October 2014. Never admitted that to myself, but have always been one. Hated myself for it. It has always been a compulsion, an urge, never something I ever enjoyed. What is wrong with me? It turns out, nothing!

Okay, now what do I do? Having purged a small bedroom full of women’s clothes over the course of my 50+ years, let’s start fresh. Let’s see if I can enjoy this. Purchase a few things. Okay, I like that. Add a few more. Keep them for more that an hour, a day, a week. So far, so good. How do I feel? Different, better, happy.

I need to make some life changes. If I am going down this road, I need to look half decent. I begin the road that would result in my dropping 35 pounds and eventually becoming a very competitive runner, routinely winning my age groups comfortably in 5Ks, now winning my age group in half marathons and most recently completing my first full marathon. Happiness matters.

So now I am getting slimmer, getting in good shape, happy with myself. But the big hurdle remains. I am very happily married with two grown and successful daughters. It took well over a month to gather the courage to tell my wife. December 2, 2014 is the day. If she is not on board, this all stops, no questions asked. And I would completely understand her not being happy with it. I find the words, show her my painted toenails, tell her how it all makes me happy. In a moment I will never forget, she says she just wants me to be happy. You know that feeling when you fall in love with someone? I did that all over again, almost 30 years into our marriage. I was immediately transformed. My life is still filled with ups and downs, but my “default” mood is always one of happiness. My smile, previously buried under a crappy mustache and displayed only when made happy (instead of being happy) by family and friends, became ever present. Now what do I do? What have I done!!!!

The work begins. Removing more body hair than your average polar bear. Developing those routines that women do, not men. Moisturizing. Frequent shaving. Now do I really want to do this? I begin purchasing items to be included in my wardrobe. I have no fear of buying women’s clothing as a man. None. A bra fitting? Why not. A new dress? Of course.

I schedule a makeover at Janet’s Closet in Detroit. I need to see what I would look like. Not bad. To paraphrase Rudolph (the Red Nosed Reindeer)….I’m cute!!!!! Or at least not hideous. I let the girls there talk me into wearing clothing I would never dream of wearing now and I make a walk through the mall. I survive (although read by some teenage girls). I go out with some seasoned “girls” (I hate the term “gurls”). I survive! Now the real work begins. How do I build a real life for Kandi. She is not simply going to hang out at CD bars and shop, shop, shop (although she does a lot of that).

My hope is that this blog can show you how to make your life a happy one if you are a crossdresser.  I completely understand I am very different than a transgendered woman. Apples and oranges.

My world view is one of extreme optimism. The world is so much better than the media would make you believe. No question, we live in troubled times. But I have now been out probably 300 times. I am frequently complemented, have received more hugs from total strangers than one can count, had drinks and meals purchased for me and am an active member of a church, many charitable organizations and even a woman’s social group. I also understand that I have the blessing of my wife, a HUGE benefit to my being able to achieve that happiness. Come on along for the ride!

Come visit the Kandi archives, pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/

Wearing Eloquii (Source: Eloquii)

Tyler Grant

Shopped ‘Til She Dropped

Dressing Room Selfie

I never get tired of shopping for women’s clothing. Browsing through the racks and finding a half-dozen outfits to take to the changing room is just as much fun today as it was when I would browse through my mother’s closet and find outfits to try on in front of her full-length mirror.

Just writing about shopping motivates me to go shopping. After all I do need something new to wear when I go to First Event (as if I don’t already have a half-dozen dresses hanging in my closet that still have their price tags attached).

Someday my tombstone will read, “Shopped ‘Til She Dropped.”

Anyway here are a few thing I learned when shopping.

👠 If a store associate is available when going to the changing room to try on your finds, play dumb and ask where the changing rooms are located. I do this whenever possible for insurance purposes, that is, if somebody complains about a dude in the lady’s dressing room, the dude can say that’s where the store associate told me to go.

👠 Take as many outfits as possible to try on when you go to the changing room. Some stores limit the number you can take in, some don’t, but in any case, go for the max in order to minimize the number of times you have to change your street clothes.

👠 Shop at smaller women’s clothing stores rather than big department stores. You won’t get a lot of hands-on assistance in large department stores, however, you usually will get assistance in smaller women’s clothing stores. For example, when you are ready to try on your finds, an associate will “start” a dressing room for you (your very own queendom) and sometimes they will even put a sign on the door reserving that room for you with your femme name emblazoned on the sign. If something is the wrong size, the associate will fetch another size to try on saving you the trouble of getting back into your street clothes to do the fetching yourself.

👠 In smaller stores, savvy associates will size you up and recommend clothing for you to try on. This has happened to me more than once and I ended up trying clothing on that looked great on me, but I would have never given a second look if the sales associate had not made the suggestion.

👠 Speaking of street clothes, wear an outfit that you can strip off and put back on easily. I own a sweater dress that has a full-length zipper in front, which is perfect for quick undressing/dressing. Jumpsuits also work well.

👠 The associates want to sell, so if they compliment you on what you try on, take the compliment with a grain of salt. If you go shopping with a friend, your friend’s compliments may not be any more valuable than the store associate’s because your friend may not want to hurt your feelings. So here is a way I get an independent appraisal of what I am trying on… I step out of the dressing room on the pretense of viewing myself in the full-length mirrors usually hung throughout the store. My goal is for another customer to see me while I am doing this. If they gush over what I am wearing, it is a bingo! Whenever I have done this, other customers always check me out while I am checking me out and if they like what they see, they let me know.

👠 For a quick self-appraisal, take a selfie or have an associate take your photo. The difference between what you “see” in a mirror and what you “see” in a photo is surprising ― trust the photo, not the mirror.

Shopping for women’s clothing is almost as much fun as wearing women’s clothing! So, you go girls and have some fun!

Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)

Shopping

Someday Funnies

Tony Curtis ready to femulate in the 1959 film Some Like It Hot.

Grab Bag

Kacper Kuszewski femulating Diana Ross

I was a 1960s rock 'n' roller and The Supremes was one of my favorite groups from that era. Their sound epitomized Motown in the 1960s. I bought most of their 45s and some of their LPs during the group's heyday.

In addition to their music, I loved their style. The gowns they wore on their television appearances were fab and I dreamed about starting my own singing group just so I could dress like them.

One thing holding me back was my singing voice or lack thereof. It may have prevented me from performing as the lead singer of "Stana and the Starlites," but it did not prevent me from buying and wearing fabulous evening gowns. Occasionally, I even lip-synced while wearing one!

Last week, Diana Ross, former lead singer of The Supremes, won a lifetime achievement award on one of those music awards shows that pop up on television about once a month. That moved me to peruse my iTunes library to see how well The Supremes were represented. I was surprised that my library was lacking in that regard.

I had a few of their hits from some Motown compilations, but that was all, so I began shopping around to fill the gap. I ended up purchasing their album titled Gold, which contains 40 of their best songs, so that should adequately fill the gap.

Coincidentally, I found another Diana Ross femulation on YouTube: Kacper Kuszewski performing "Upside Down" on the Polish version of television's Your Face Sounds Familiar. It rivals one of my favorite Your Face Sounds Familiar femulations, Jerzy Grzechnik performing "Baby Love."

Dunno if you read the comments that readers leave on the blog, so you might have missed another excellent femulation on YouTube that Fernanda referred to a few days ago. The 1930 video in question featured professional femulator Reg Stone performing on stage for the British troops. Miss Reg is amazing! And in another video from the same show, Ravishing Reg joins a chorus line of Army gurls singing  and dancing on stage.  

Fast-forward to the 21st Century... P!nk has released a new video for her song "Beautiful Trauma." In the video, she portrays a 1950s housewife and actor Channing Tatum portrays her husband. At the 1:45 minute mark, P!nk discovers Channing crossdressing in their closet. View the video to see the gender role reversal that transpires.

By the way, this is not Channing's first time in a dress. Let me Google that for you.

Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe)

Sebastian Muntean femulates C. C. Catch on the Romanian version of television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

Thank God I'm A Girly Boy

I have a lot to be thankful for: my family, my friends, my health, my etcetera, etcetera. I am also thankful that I trans.

Sure being trans has its ups and downs, but it has been an interesting trip and it certainly has not been boring.

Beyond the pages of DC and Marvel Comics, not many people have a secret identity. Although I am very open about being trans today, I maintained a secret identity and compartmentalized my identities for a long time.

As you know, it is a lot of work protecting a secret identity. The close calls are too numerous to enumerate, but looking back, they have become anecdotes, often amusing anecdotes that I share here and there.

And if I wasn't trans, this blog would not exist, nor would the word "femulate." That is not a big deal. But what is a big deal are the emails I receive every week from Femulate readers thanking me for inspiring them to escape from the closet and experience life in this world as women.

Your success stories indicate that the goal of this blog is being fulfilled. Perhaps writing this blog is why God put me on this Earth as a girly boy.

(Source: Pinterest)

Mark Stanley plays a transwoman in the 2017 British television series Loves, Lies and Records.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Transgender Thanksgiving Trivia

Did you know that Cape Cod's Provincetown Harbor is where the Pilgrims initially anchored the Mayflower in 1620 after their ocean voyage from England? (Provincetown is the site of Fantasia Fair, the longest-running transgender event of its kind in the New World.)

Wearing Boston Proper (Source: Boston Proper)

Ian Holm (right) femulating in the British television movie The Last of the Blonde Bombshells.