Better Read than Dead

I received the following e-mail from a reader:

When you're out as a woman and someone "reads" you or you run into any kind of trouble, how do you handle it?

Since I got my act together, I have been very lucky; I seldom notice anyone who I think might be reading me when I am out solo as a woman. However, my mileage will vary if I am out as a woman with other transpeople.

When I do get read, I seldom get more than a smirk or dirty look from a reader or a reader might nudge his/her companion to get their attention and "get a load of that."

I usually do one of two things when I think I’ve been read:

      Ignore the reader and go about my business.

      Flash a great big smile at the reader, which may disarm/confuse him/her.

There is a third option someone passed along to me that I would love to try, but never have:

      Flash a great big smile, then say, "Yes, you recognized me. Would you like my autograph?"

Thankfully, there has never been a "scene" or any kind or trouble that I have had to deal with.

Now let me back up a bit and elaborate on what I wrote above.

Since I got my act together…

When I was a "man in a dress," I got read more frequently than I do now. But as my presentation improved, the readings diminished.

I seldom notice anyone who I think might be reading me…

Unless the reader confronts you or reacts in some way (a smirk, a laugh, a grimace, etc.) indicating that they know what's up, you never know for sure if they are reading you or just checking you out or even better, admiring you. (I always assume the last option, although when I was less confident about my presentation, I always assumed the first option.)

By the way, I wear eyeglasses in boy mode, but seldom wear them in girl mode except when I am driving. As a result, I might miss a read or two sans eyeglasses. However, my vision is not that weak, so I doubt that I am missing much.

All that being said, in my opinion it is better to be read than be dead. That is, it is better to go out and experience the world as a woman and be read occasionally than to suffocate your woman in the closet.

Wearing Madeleine.

Kevin Kriegel (center right) femulates on the Florida stage in Sylvia.
(Thank you Jan for the heads-up!)

Read, But Not Dead

I wrote yesterday's Better Read Than Dead from my perspective based on my personal experiences being out in public en femme.

Your mileage may vary and probably will.

It is not a utopia out there... far from it. In some parts of the world, including right here in the good old USA, being read could result in your demise. The list of transwomen who have met their death after being read is not a short list and is not an old list; new names are added to the list too frequently.

Despite the bravado I expressed yesterday about being out en femme, I am very careful. When I am out en femme, I think like a woman thinks when she is out and about.

Thinking like a man won't cut it and may get you in trouble.

Anyone who plans to go out in public en femme should read an article like The Top Ten Things Every Woman Should Know about Personal Safety. Written by Darren and Beth Laur, their first tip is one of the things I am referring to.

"The first, and probably most important, component in self-defence is awareness: awareness of yourself, your surroundings, and your potential attacker’s likely strategies."

I urge you to read the entire article. But don't let it dissuade you from going out en femme; instead, use it to educate yourself so that when you do go out en femme, you will have your wits about you and you will be safe.

Better Read Than Dead

I received the following e-mail from Julia:

When you're out en femme and someone "reads" you or you run into any kind of trouble, how do you handle it?

Thanks again for all your inspiration!

Since I got my act together, I have been very lucky; I seldom notice anyone who I think might be reading me when I am out solo en femme. However, my mileage will vary if I am out en femme with other transpeople.

When I do get read, I seldom get more than a smirk or dirty look from a reader or a reader might nudge his/her companion to get their attention and "get a load of him."

I usually do one of two things when I think I’ve been read:

Ignore the reader and go about my business.

Flash a great big smile at the reader, which may disarm/confuse him/her.

There is a third option someone passed along to me that I would love to try, but never have:

Flash a great big smile at the reader, then say, "Yes, you recognized me. Would you like my autograph?"

Thankfully, there has never been a "scene" or any kind or trouble that I have had to deal with.

Now let me back up a bit and elaborate on what I wrote above.

Since I got my act together…

When I was a "man in a dress," I got read more frequently than I do now. But as my presentation improved, the readings diminished.

I seldom notice anyone who I think might be reading me…

Unless the reader confronts you or reacts in some way (a smirk, a laugh, a grimace, etc.) indicating that they know what's up with you, you never know for sure if they are reading you or just checking you out or even better, admiring you. (I always assume the last option, although when I was less confident about my presentation, I always assumed the first option.)

By the way, I wear eyeglasses in boy mode, but seldom wear them in girl mode except when I am driving. As a result, I might miss a read or two sans eyeglasses. However, my vision is not that weak, so I doubt that I am missing much.

All that being said, in my opinion it is better to be read than be dead. That is, it is better to go out and experience the world en femme and be read occasionally than to suffocate your woman in the closet.