Girl Needs Wig

Jackie from Jersey wrote, "How did you buy your wig(s)?  Their is a ladies' wig shop close by and I would so love to see what length and style looks best on me.  Even more, I would love to get a fitting!  I just don't know what to say when I walk in the door dressed as a man. Any advice on how to go about this would be most appreciated.”

I wrote back that I assured Jackie that she will not be the first male customer at the wig store.

A very long time ago, I went to the local wig store for the first time and used the excuse that I needed a wig for a Halloween costume. The proprietor was unfazed and treated me politely and respectfully despite the fact that I was buying a $100 wig for a one night stand!

I returned to the same store about one year later --- same proprietor, but this time I fessed up and said the wig was for me, not for a Halloween costume. Again, she was unfazed and treated me the same way ---politely and respectfully.

I still go to the same wig store and now the owner is the original proprietor's daughter and she is wonderful! She even allowed my support group to host wig parties in her place.

So go for it. I am sure the store will welcome your business... if not, there are plenty of other wig stores that will.

If you have any questions, I will gladly attempt to answer them. I have been at this for over 50 years, so I have learned a thing or two and will gladly share my knowledge with you. Simply write to me at stana-stana @ sbcglobal.net

 

 

 

Wearing Hale Bob.

 

 

 

Actor Freddie Fox femulating in British television’s Worried About the Boy (2010).

The Best and Worst Times

I asked you all to "ask me anything" and you responded with a boatload of questions. I thank-you and want to add that you can ask me anything anytime. Now on to your questions...

One of my BFFs, Jan Brown, asked three unique questions; here they are with my responses.

What's been the best and worst times femulating?

I always say that "a bad day femulating is better than a good day not femulating." Honestly, I have not had many bad times femulating, but one occasion sticks out in mind.

When I attended my very first support group meeting, it was my first encounter face-to-face with other transwomen and when I entered the meeting hall, all my overly critical eye could see was men in dresses. I was sickened by the sight because what I thought I saw was a reflection of myself, that is, a man in a dress and that is not what I wanted to be. I could not get out of Dodge fast enough.

The best time occurred while I was doing outreach at a local university. After the class, a female student approached me. She said that when I entered the class, she thought I was a woman, not a transwoman, but a born woman.

Thank you, I thought to myself, but then she added that besides thinking I was a born woman, I was also the most beautiful older adult woman that she had ever seen in person!

I thanked her profusely as she examined my presentation real up close now. She thought I was about 45 years old and even up close she was very surprised when I revealed that I was 60.

Then she told me something very personal that I will not repeat here. I thought I detected her eyes beginning to well up.

The encounter became so emotional for me that I cannot remember if I gave her hug or not. (If I didn't, I should have.)

Those few minutes with her were priceless to me and I will remember her forever.

Who is your role model?

All those gals who are completely open about being trans. I am referring to the likes of Michael/Miqqi Gilbert and Grayson Perry, who are well-known in their respective fields as guys, but occasionally (or often) present as gals and damn the torpedoes. I want to be just like them when I grow up.

What's on your femulating bucket list?

• Dress en femme more often than not... ultimately 24/7

• Write a book about my femulating life

• Attend my high school reunion en femme

• Grow my hair out and let my hairdresser have her way with me

• Get rid of my varicose veins

• Permanent facial and body hair removal

• Get my ears pierced

Questions

Wednesday's post about participating in a transgender Q and A session with college students in two human sexuality classes raised some questions from my friend Meg of Call Me Meg fame.

***

Meg asked: Are you really surprised when you get Ma'am'd?

Being called "Ma'am" does not surprise me. It did pleasantly surprise me the first few times, but now I expect it and yet it is always nice to hear in an affirming way. (Even better is being Miss'd; the guy selling pizza at the student center on Tuesday called me "Miss" ...taht brought a smile to my face.)

Being called "Ma'am" or "Miss" can be taken a few ways:

- I passed as a woman.

- The person who called me "Ma'am" or "Miss" did not look close enough to figure out that I was not a genetic woman.

- The person who called me "Ma'am" or "Miss" figured me out, but was trying to sell me something, so they wanted to stay in my good graces by addressing me as feminine rather than masculine.

- The person who called me "Ma'am" or "Miss" figured me out, but respected my gender presentation and addressed me as feminine rather than masculine.

A funny story: When I went to work in office girl drag on Halloween a few years ago, shortly after getting to the office, my pantyhose began running like crazy! I don't know if they were defective or I was careless, but by 10 AM, I had three runs that were getting bigger by the minute. I wanted to look my best for the costume contest, so I left the building for a few minutes and drove to a nearby CVS to buy a new pair.

I parked the car and walked into CVS passing a handful of people who paid me no mind. I entered the store and to avoid causing a commotion, I went to the first salesgirl I saw and explained that I ran the pantyhose of my Halloween costume and needed a new pair.

"Hosiery is in aisle eight, Ma'am," she replied, unfazed by my Halloween costume hint.

I guess I was not going to cause a commotion, so I went to aisle eight, picked out a pair, then I went to the register where the same salesgirl rang me up without a clue.

Now, here is the amazing part. I never used a femme voice. I spoke in my normal male voice, which is admittedly soft-spoken, but definitely male. Go figure!

***

Meg asked: When you're out, has anyone used the wrong pronoun or the wrong salutation? I mean ever? And I bet that's something your fans in general would like to know. It's a great confidence-builder to know that the world is more accepting than we think.

I can honestly say to the best of my failing memory that I have never been wrong pronouned unless it was in a situation where the person using the wrong pronoun knew I was trans and did not know how I preferred to be addressed.

For example, in the classroom, the students know we are trans and sometimes address us with the wrong pronoun. Often they ask how we want to be addressed and they try hard to follow our wishes once they learn what we prefer.

Another example: Over 10 years ago, I was attending a trans convention (First Event in Waltham, Mass.) and I checked into the hotel dressed en femme, yet the woman at the front desk addressed me as "Sir." It irked me at the time, but in retrospect, she probably did not know any better.

Unless someone knows you are trans and not aware of the proper etiquette, the average person is not going to take a chance and offend you by addressing incorrectly if they are not sure of your gender. They will err to the side of caution. If you present as a woman, they will usually treat you as a woman. On the other hand, if you present as a man in a dress, all bets are off. 


***

Meg asked: You used to say you "crossdressed." What do you tell the students now? Do you tell them you'd go 24/7 if circumstances allowed? Or that you'd transition if you could?

When I started participating in outreach, I said I was a "plain vanilla crossdresser" ...whatever that means.

If my memory serves me correctly, from the start I also always said I would live as a woman 24/7 if I could, which kind of contradicts my "plain vanilla crossdresser" self-identification.

For a few years now, I have been saying that I am transgender and "probably transsexual."

Regarding transition, I say I would skip the surgery (why mess with my 61-year-old body now?), maybe do hormones, and definitely get permanently depilitated.

***

Any more questions?