Wear a Bra!

Responding to my invitation to Ask Me Anything, Jenn wrote, "My question is about wearing a bra. My wife and many close female friends are known to comment about how they can’t wait to take off their bra. Of course, as a crossdresser I can’t wait to put one on! Knowing that you dress much more often (and longer) than I do, what do you think about your bra?"

Whereas fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg once proclaimed, "Feel like a woman. Wear a dress!" I say, "Feel like a woman, Wear a bra!"

Is there any garment that defines womanhood more than a bra? Fashion forward fellows may dress like women from head to toe, but they don't wear bras. Only women and femulators wear bras.

On occasion, I have femulated without wearing a bra because I did not have the correct style bra to go with a particular dress or top I was wearing and since I am already well-endowed for a guy, going bra-less was not a deal breaker. However, I prefer to wear a bra when I femulate.

Early on, I wore some ill-fitting bras. The band was too small and/or the shoulder straps too short and like Jenn's lady friends, I could not wait to take off my bra.

After too many misfits, I decided that the only way to get a bra that fits is to get a professional bra-fitting at an intimate apparel shop or in the lingerie department of a department store.

Your mileage may vary, but I have been fitted for bras in both girl mode and boy mode in both venues and have never been turned away. In fact, the women performing the fittings were very helpful and seemed pleased to have a male join their bra-wearing sorority.

If you are unsure about which bra-selling venue to seek out for a fitting, you can always call ahead and ask. Also, during the holiday season, guys shopping for intimate apparel gifts is common, so walking into a lingerie shop in boy mode is not that unusual this time of year.

My niece worked at Victoria's Secret for awhile and the saleswomen were used to fitting both men and women, so don't be shy – go for it, girl!

And if your bra is the correct fit, you won't even know you are wearing one!

By the way, when you were growing up, did your Mom call it a "bra" or a "brassiere?"

Wearing 3.1 Phillip Lim sweater, RTA skirt and Marni bag (Source: Intermix)

Nadia Russo

Make A Wish

In response to my invitation to Ask Me Anything, Ann Onymous asked, "If you really had one wish, would you wish to be the woman you have always wanted to be, but that would erase your relationships in the past? Or would you wish you never had the desire to be a crossdressing feminine man? Thats a tough one."

Actually, the answer is simple.

I have never wished that I was not a crossdressing feminine man.

On the other hand, I have wished that I was the woman I have always wanted to be even if it erased my relationships of the past (like Jimmy Stewart in It's A Wonderful Life.)

I wish I could do it all over again and if I could, I would not have married (and put my wonderful wife through the ups and downs of being married to a crossdresser). Instead, I would have lived as a woman full-time and definitely gotten electrolysis, maybe HRT and probably not surgery.

But since I can't do it over again,  I have played with the cards I have dealt to myself.

My life has been very interesting. I have achieved some success as a writer (a goal that I had since I was a youngster) and I have also achieved some success as a femulator (another goal that I had since I was a teenager). And I achieved something that I never even considered: success as a femulating writer!

Wearing Torrid (Source: Torrid)

Aquaria femulates Melania Trump on television's RuPaul's Drag Race.

Do blondes have more fun?

In response to my Ask Me Anything post, Pricilla sent me the following e-mail:

Hi Stana,

I have wondered why you chose to change your hair color from Blonde to Brown?? Don't Blondes have more fun!!!

You continue to look great.

Hugs,

Pricilla

Thank you for the question and the kind words!

I changed my hair color because I needed a change. (Isn't it a woman's prerogative to change her hair color?)

When I began seriously dressing as a woman, that is, not for a Halloween costume, I usually wore an red wig. Although my natural hair color was brown, I wore red because my parents always claimed that I was born a redhead and remained a redhead during my early years. So when I was choosing a wig color, I figured red might work since I started here as a redhead. Turned out that I liked myself as a redhead and wore various shades of red for years.

I finally went over to the light side in 2006 after hosting a support group meeting at a wig store (Tonkin's in Waterbury). As the hostess, I brought the snacks, played mother hen and had no intention of buying a new wig.

When the proprietor, Kathy Tonkin was finished bewigging the other girls, she said to me, "Your turn."

I thought, "What the heck" and told Kathy to work her magic on me.

Minutes later, she fitted a short blond wig on my head. When I looked in the mirror, I loved what I saw and I became a blonde.

I have been a blonde for the past 12 years... different shades of blonde, different hair styles, but always blonde. But I was getting a little bored with being a blonde and decided to try something different.

And so it goes.

Wearing Tibi blazer and skirt, L'Agence Daniella cami, Lente Danse bag (Source: ShopStyle.com)

Before and After (Source: Pinterest)

If the Shoe Fits

I learned long ago that women's shoe sizes are all over the map. Sizes not only vary between shoe manufacturers, but the shoe sizes from the same manufacturer may also vary.

That being said, the best way to find shoes that fit is to go to a shoe store and try on the shoes in person.

That being said, sometimes you cannot go to a shoe store and have to buy shoes online size unseen. Such is the case with my most recent shoe purchases.

Recently, I had a hankering for a pair of gold high heel pumps and JustFab had just what I needed at a sales price of $21. JustFab is an online store with no brick and mortar presence, so I could not try on the shoe before purchasing it. I ordered a pair in my size (12, the largest size JustFab offers) and crossed my fingers until USPS delivered.

I also had a hankering for white ankle boots with a kitten heel and Payless had just what I needed at a sales price of $18. Payless has many brick and mortar stores in my neck of the woods, but checking their website, I could not find a local store that had the boots in my size. I ordered a pair in my size online and crossed my fingers until FedEx delivered.

USPS and FedEx delivered with different results.

JustFab's size 12 high heels were too small. I managed to squeeze my feet into the shoes, but the fit was so tight that there was no way I could walk in them comfortably for any length of time. USPS will return my shoes to JustFab for a refund.

Payless' size 12 boots fit perfectly. Not too loose and not too tight — they were just right!

And so it goes.

Update: I forgot to mention that JustFab shoes run small, so if you are a size 12 like me, you will probably find JustFab's size 12's too small (and 12 is the largest size they offer).

Ask Me Anything Anytime

You readers have asked me some great questions that I will begin answering real soon now.

By the way, there is no time limit for submitting questions, so you can ask me anything anytime. I look forward to your queries.

Wearing New York and Company (Source: New York and Company)

Femulator, circa 1900

Ask Me Anything

Whenever I do outreach or a workshop like the one I conducted at the True Color Conference on Friday, I begin by saying, "You can ask me anything." (You can also ask me anything by e-mail.)

My standing offer resulted in questions at my workshop and by e-mail. I have answered these questions here in the past, but these three come up so often that I am rerunning them today.

What do you recommend for developing a feminine voice?  

I highly recommend Melanie Anne Phillips' female voice course "Melanie Speaks."

Practice, practice and practice. It took three weeks of practice for 30 minutes every day before my feminine voice arrived, but it was worth the wait because it was amazing!

What do you recommend for hiding a beard?

After a close shave using a shaving gel (like Edge) and a multi-blade manual razor (like Gilette's Fusion), apply a beard cover to your muzzle. Then apply your usual foundation over the beard cover.

For beard cover, I highly recommend RCMA BC2, which is available from Alcone. It is expensive, but lasts forever because a little goes a long way.

I was looking at your photos online. How did you achieve your amazing cleavage?

Since puberty, I have had boobs. I assume I have gynecomastia, but I never sought out medical help for the "problem," so I don't know for sure.

Anyway, my breasts fill a B cup bra, so it does not take much to femulate cleavage when I wear something revealing. I just add a little padding to push my girls up and closer together and the results are fabulous!

Wearing Romwe (Source: Romwe)

Shpat Kasapi femulates Marylin Monroe on Albanian television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.