Post-Christmas Post

For tomorrow’s post, I am posting a Someday Funnies caption about panicking when I could not find my car keys in my purse. This actually happened to me once when I was  in Dayton, Ohio, to attend my ham radio group’s board meeting the night before Hamvention.

After the board meeting, everyone scattered to return to their hotel rooms throughout the Dayton area. As I was about to scatter, I searched through my purse trying too find my car keys and came up empty. I began to panic since I was 750 miles away from my second set of keys!

After panicking for about 15 minutes, I finally dumped the contents of my purse on a table and, voila!, my keys were in the contents.

I learned my lesson and after that episode, I always stored my keys in one of those zippered or buttoned pockets inside most of our handbags. 

For my Christmas Day post, I created a retro Christmas card in honor of the girls of Casa Susanna. My card was based on the card designs used by some of the girls at Casa Susanna back in the early 1960’s.

I hope you all had a great holiday weekend! One more to go!   

Wearing Joie

Grace under the Christmas tree

Julie Elliot celebrating the holidays at her home in Aberdeen, Scotland

I Don’t Blend and I Don’t Care

Many wise transwomen recommend blending if you are trying to pass. (I’ve occasionally recommended that myself.)

The theory says that if you dress like the other women in the environment you plan to be in, that is, if you blend in with the other women, you will lessen the chances of bringing attention to yourself, thus increasing the chances of successfully passing yourself off as a woman.

For example, if you are going grocery shopping, then jeans and a top would be your choice of apparel for blending in most places as opposed to a bodycon dress and stiletto pumps.

I have tried blending and it seems to work, but blending is boring. When I dress en femme, I want to dress EN FEMME, if you know what I mean. I dress to be noticed not to be ignored. If I wanted to be ignored, I'd dress en homme.

As Lucille Sorella wrote in her Femme Secrets blog, “As a genetic woman, the last thing I want to do is blend in! I wear makeup, style my hair, and dress fashionably because I want to stand out in a crowd. I believe it’s a natural feminine desire to want to be noticed.”

As a transwoman, I feel the same way. 

I am also at an age that I dress to please me and don’t care what other people think.

And perchance I have to go to Stop & Shop to buy a few items while I am en femme, I just think of myself as another working girl dressed appropriately for the office, but overdressed for grocery shopping during her lunch hour or on her way home from the office.

Works for me.

Wearing Rue La La

Christina at a Tau Upsilon Tri Ess Meeting, Christmas 2008.

Marcie at an entrance to the Galleria in North Dallas, Texas.

Forget About It

I have a gremlin. Maybe you have one, too. 

You are out en femme and everything is going well. No one has addressed you as “Sir” and the competition (cisgender females) smile at you in a pleasant manner as opposed to a smirk that says “I know what you are.” But your gremlin just won’t leave well enough alone.

My gremlin showed up at lunch on Halloween when it compelled me to ask my waitress about my Halloween costume. She was clueless and until my gremlin butted in, she thought I was a cisgender female. That satisfied my gremlin, but I was a little miffed that my gremlin outed me. Especially since I thought I looked spectacular in my new wig and dress.

There are a lot of passing deniers* out there (I’m one myself). But whether we admit it or not, passing is always on our minds to some degree, so it is nice to find out when we do pass to build our confidence. But to do so requires us to out ourselves and when we do that, we just blew our cover!

Unlike us, gender is not constantly on the minds of civilians we encounter. We present as female, they see us as female, accept us female and all is well unless we do something to change their minds (“Where’s the men’s room?”).

Our choices are to never know what civilians think or find out by outing yourself. I have been trying to control my gremlin all my femulating life – I succeed most of the time, but sometimes my gremlin overpowers me. 

On the brighter side, I usually find out that I was passing successfully when the gremlin does its thing. This should be a lesson to me: my report card usually gets a passing grade, so I should just assume that I always pass and forget about it.

* Girls like us who reject the belief that passing is important.

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

A mid-20th Century womanless beauty pageant. (Miss 14 gets my vote.)

Passing in the COVID-19 Vaccine Line

When Connecticut announced that people my age could get the COVID-19 vaccine, I worried that making an appointment would be difficult after hearing the horror stories about people unable to make appointments. But it turned out to be easy – I got online and in less than five minutes, I made an appointment for my wife and I for March 11 at a facility 10 miles from our home.

We arrived at the facility on time yesterday morning and were greeted with great news: it was the first day that this facility would be using the Johnson & Johnson one-shot vaccine rather than a two-shot vaccine! What luck!

So we got in line with about six people ahead of us. The line moved quickly and we found ourselves at the “Registration” window staffed by a twenty-something women, who asked us our names. 

I told her our names and wise-ass that I am, I added, “I'm Stanley and she’s Laurie.”

She replied, “Oh, I don’t know – I think you could pass for a ‘Laurie.’” 

I was in boy mode at the time.

Wearing Venus

Craig Olsen femulating in the 2012 film Pop Kowboy.
You can view the film’s trailer on YouTube.

From My Oldies Collection

Martha and the Vandellas Dept.

Sorry about the lack of posts this week, but we have been dancing in the streets around Femulate Headquarters the last few days.

The Knickerbockers Dept.

In his Inaugural Address, the new President tried something different: leveling with the American people.

Edwin Starr Dept.

Watching the Inaugural Committee's “Celebrating America” last night, I noticed a number of trans people performing during some of the musical performances. Another sign that Trump's “War on Transgenders” is over!

Toni Basil Dept.

Similarly, Mikki mentioned it and I noticed it, too: the “fashionista” (photo above) in a new Lexus commercial seems to be either “trans or a very good femulator.” (Isn't that the same thing?).

Wearing Rachel Zoe

A femulator get-together

A Monday Mix

Femulating Film Update Dept.

A week ago, the Femulator slot featured a scene from Delitto al Blue Gay, an Italian film “jam-packed with femulators.” A day after the post, the link to view the film in its entirety on YouTube was dead, but I did find the film on Facebook and that link is still good as of today.

The film is in Italian, does not have English sub-titles and was poorly reviewed, but it is worth watching to see all the pretty femulators and to hear them sing in English (go figure), “Man or woman, man or woman, makes no difference... ”

Two of the kittens appearing in the film Delitto al Blue Gay 

Pass the Story Dept.

The passing success stories continue. Here is one from...

Fiona

I have a good friend that is supportive of my femulating. A fortnight before Christmas, my friend wanted to visit a gown shop. I travelled by public transport to meet them, then we went on to the shop by bus. We had to change services, so took the opportunity to walk around the outdoor market.

My friend will not wear a mask, but has a battered visor. I wore a leopard print mask. We stopped to look at a stall with visors and glass frames. And a stall salesperson swooped on the potential customers. As the first stall salesperson tried to persuade us to buy two masks. A second stall salesperson approached and asked, “Are you sisters?” 

He tried again, “Mother and daughter?” 

I replied, “Co-workers.”

The War Dept.

If you are a life-long femulator with natural feminine chracteristics (like me), you have likely been the victim of the slings and arrows of white male toxicity at one time or another, as exemplified by our twice impeached president. This article, recommended by Velma, is an expose of white male toxicity and although it does not mention it, white male toxicity is probably an element in Trump's four-year “War on Transgenders.”

Wearing Missoni

A senior femulating moment in the film Delitto al Blue Gay.

My Bests

I started this series of passing success stories almost a month ago with Passing is not important, but.... In that post, I wrote, “passing is not important, but it sure feels good when you do!” and I asked you to send me your best passing success stories.

Now that I have posted all your stories, I will conclude with my two best passing success stories.

Tall Girls' Day Out

One of my best femulating moments was when I was browsing the racks at the local Nordstrom and a saleswoman nearby spoke up, “You’re tall. I’m tall, too. How tall are you?”

I said, “Six foot two.”

She replied, “I'm six foot one.”

And she engaged me in a discussion about being a tall female. She asked me how I liked being tall when I was a girl. (“I loved it.”) She admitted that she had some difficulties during her school years because of her height, but as an adult, she was happy with her height.

After we exchanged a few more words, I excused myself and walked on air for the rest of my day at the mall.

I used to worry that I could never pass because of my height. That day at the mall convinced me otherwise.

A Born Woman

Ten years ago, after doing outreach at a Human Sexuality class at Southern Connecticut State University, a female student approached me. 

She said that when I entered the class, she thought I was a woman, not a trans woman, but “a born woman.”

Thank you, I thought to myself. But then she added that besides thinking I was a born woman, I was also the most beautiful older adult woman that she had ever seen in person!

I thanked her profusely as she examined my presentation real up close now. She thought I was about 45 years old and she was very surprised when I revealed that I was 60.

Then she told me something very personal that I will not repeat here. I thought I detected her eyes beginning to well up.

The encounter became so emotional for me that I cannot remember if I gave her hug or not. (If I didn’t, I should have.)

Those few minutes with her were priceless to me and I will remember her forever.

Wearing Ricki VanDusen. Note the limp wrist.
Thank you Paula for finding this image.

Alec Guinness femulating in the 1949 British film Kind Hearts and Coronets.

Another Success Story

Christine wrote.

About 8 or 9 years ago, I started to come out on a trip to the San Francisco Bay Area. No one there knew anything about me and I felt it was safe to go out as my authentic self for the first time.  

Although I had very far to go with my feminine presentation at the time, I felt freer than I ever had been before and I wanted more of it. On my next trip to the Bay Area, I decided to spend several days totally en femme and knew that I had to continue on this path when I got back home.

Over the next few years, I started building up a female wardrobe that now eclipses that for my male presentation. Additionally, I started to take voice lessons so that I could project a more feminine voice while out in public. I also had laser treatments on my face so that I could minimize the presence of beard stubble that would ruin the overall visual effects of my feminine presentation.  

During this period, I started going to meetups as my authentic self and was accepted (or tolerated) in my presentation. Over time, people began to accept me for who I am and not how I looked like. Recently, I had a short term job at which I worked en femme every day where the only way some people could tell that I was not a cisgender female was the name on my e-mails.

I do not know how far I will proceed down this path as there have been some major drawbacks. I have had a relationship break up because the woman saw my feminine self as competition for her. Yet, in certain ways, it is a small price to pay to be able to go out in the world as my authentic self.

Wearing Chicwish

Audrius Janonis femulating Iruna Puzaraite on Lithuanian television's Muzikinė kaukė.
You can view the femulation on YouTube.

Meg Times Three

The always marvelous Meg Winters offered three more passing success stories.

One

I went with an old co-worker who did my makeup so I could meet our old boss for lunch. The co-worker just told the boss “a friend” was joining them. She picked up the boss at the office and I met them at the mall where the restaurant was located. They came in talking, I walked up and waited. 

My old boss turned to me and said, “Hi. I'm Cheryl” and held out her hand. 

I took her head and said “Hi, I'm...” and mentioned my male name.

Two

I dressed and went to a temple service in Tucson. (I met my current wife during that trip.) After services, the older man sitting next to me turned to me and said, “You have lovely eyes. They remind me of my late wife.”

Three

One of my T-friends held regular “soirees” at her house, then at a hotel when we outgrew her house. There were some regulars and some new people each time. During one soiree, one of the (few) wives there was talking to me and she said, “Who are you here with? I'm with [I forget the name]” and she pointed. 

I said, “I’m with [girlfriend’s name]” and pointed. 

She looked flustered and said, “I thought your partner was trans!”

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

Vinicio Diamanti and Mario Amendola femulate in a 1984 Italian film titled Delitto al Blue Gay also known as Cop in Drag. This film is jam-packed with femulators. You can view excerpts of the film in its entirety on YouTube Facebook.

Can’t a man look beautiful?

The always lovely Carollyn passes along her passing success story.

Carollyn

I have never really worried about passing, but I realize is is part of dressing for all of us. We always want to look our best and not be “a man in a dress.”

I try to visit with my cosmologist about once a month. What happened on one of my visits with Melissa at the local mall could have been a disaster, but turned out better than either she or I could have expected.

Thursdays were always a good day for a trip to see Melissa, who was my makeup girl for about 10 years. The first session with Melissa, who I immediately told I was a crossdresser, was wonderful and we became good friends. She taught me so much about makeup application and style. One day, though, was the topper to my “passing.”

I arrived at the store at my typical 10 AM. My plan to was to see Melissa for a quick touch-up, then do a little shopping before we enjoying lunch together. While I was sitting in Melissa's work station, she whispered in my ear, “My mother-in-law is coming down the aisle. What should we do?” 

I responded, “Just let me sit here like any other customer.”

Melissa's mother-in-law, Mary, walked up, gave her a hug and sat down in the chair to the right of me. Melissa’s face turned a bit red. At first, Melissa chatted with her mother-in-law, but sooner than later, Mary started directing her conversation in my direction. 

Before I could answer, Melissa formally introduced me to her mother-in-law. Mary was so kind and complimented me on my outfit and hair and asked how long I have known Melissa. The three of us talked for about 15 minutes just like other women would in a cosmetology department.

Suddenly Melissa couldn’t contain herself and started laughing. She blurted out, “Mom, Carollyn is a crossdresser... you know, a man who likes to wear women's clothing.”

Mary almost fell out of her chair, but quickly regained her composure and said, “I can't believe it! You’re so beautiful.”

I said, “Can’t a man look beautiful?”

Wearing Lafayette 148

Andy Collins femulating on stage in She Rantulas from Outer Space in 3D.