A Past Outreach

Yesterday, December 2, 2008, I did outreach for two Human Sexuality classes at Southern Connecticut State University. I did not go shopping as planned because I did not feel up to dealing with the Christmas shopping crowds that seemed to be out in full force yesterday.

As usual, I was the token crossdresser in the group doing outreach. The others were pre-op, post-op, and no-op male-to-female and female-to-male transsexuals and a spouse. In the first class, there were six in the group. In the second class, there were seven. In the past, about four was the max. As a result, the biography portion of the class was longer and ate into the Q&A portion of the class. I enjoy the Q&A more than the bio portion of the class because I have heard all the bios before and although I’ve also heard many of the questions before, there are usually one or two new questions that make things interesting.

Anna Schildroth, the professor of the class scored big points with me. When I saw her for the first time yesterday, she asked, “Did you lose weight?”

I admitted that I lost eight pounds and I was happy she noticed. Then she added, “Well, it looks like you lost more than eight pounds!”

She made my day, but later she made my day again.

Before the second class, she came over to me and remarked that my legs were attracting a lot of attention. I asked her what she meant and she said that she was following me as I walked to the classroom and that she noticed a lot of people turning to notice my long legs. When she said that I blushed. (The accompanying photo reveals the revealing length of the hem of my dress yesterda.)

Speaking of long legs, I noticed a tall attractive female student file into the first class and pegged her as being six feet tall. I don’t recall her asking any questions during the Q&A portion of the class, but after the class was over, she asked, “Stana, how tall are you without heels?”

“Six two,” I replied.

“Me, too,” she said.

She was wearing flats, so I asked her if she wore heels. She said she does, but not currently because she just had knee surgery.

I was happy that here was a very tall girl, who was proud of her height and not afraid to wear heels. Good for her!

The questions asked of me were basically the same questions I have been asked at past outreaches with a few variations.

There was an amusing exchange with one student, who could not understand how I dressed in boy mode without people wondering about the telltale signs that indicated that I also dressed in girl mode. I did not understand what she was getting at, so she was more specific and said she was referring to the fact that since I get my nails done, don’t people wonder what’s with that. We all had a good laugh when I revealed that I use stick-on nails that come on and off in five minutes.

Another student asked me if I ever tried to stop crossdressing and I said that in the past, I was very guilty about crossdressing and tried to stop. I guess my Catholic upbringing had something to do with my guilt and I recalled the numerous times I planned to go to confession, confess my “sin,” and stop dressing. (I never had the nerve to make that confession.) I also mentioned how I had purged one time, but again took up crossdressing sooner or later.

Then I explained how as I grew older and a little wiser, I stopped feeling guilty when I realized that crossdressing was part of who I am and that I was going to be true to myself.

That was the last question of the day and I can’t think of a more appropriate way to end it.

Mahmoud Hemeida and Samy El Adl femulating in the 1994 Egyptian film Strawberry War.

Finally!

On Wednesday, I finally got out among the civilians – first time since the pandemic began! The main reason for my outing was to do outreach at a local high school with the Stonewall Speakers. 

I had to meet up with everybody at the high school at 2 PM. But I was ready early, so instead of hanging around the house en femme, I decided to go to a mall (Westfarms) that was near the high school. My wife checked me out before I left and informed me to fix my wig because there were stray hairs that were trying to get away! (Thanks, Honey.)

I drove to the mall and entered via Macy’s, briefly perused the dress racks, but I did not feel like shopping. I was hungry and felt like eating, so I lunched at my favorite restaurant in the mall Brio Italian Grille.

I had the “Sausage, Pepperoni & Ricotta Flatbread,” ate about one-third of it and doggy-bagged the rest of it home.

After lunch, I walked to Sephora to purchase some makeup. Shopping at Sephora was uneventful, but the walk to and from Sephora was interesting. A tall woman in a dress and high heels sure catches the eye of every male within the sound of the clicking high heels. I passed three groups of guys who I assume were spending their lunch hour at the mall and I distracted them from what they were doing. Not a discouraging word was heard, so I assume they like my shoes!

The issue of my weight loss reared its ugly head. My feet are smaller than they were 25 pounds ago and they were swimming in the shoes that fit in the good old days. By the time I left the mall, my feet hurt from wearing the ill-fitting shoes. I fixed the problem temporarily by stuffing facial tissues into the toes of my shoes so that they fit tighter, but I have to do something more permanent to fix the problem.

I drove to the high school and met up with the gender and sexuality club advisor and my fellow Stonewall Speakers, a gay man and a post-op male-to-female transwoman. There was an excellent turn-out, approximately 30 LGBT males and females.

Each presenter gave a brief biography. I went first and was a little nervous because it’s been a couple of years since my last outreach, but the students laughed when they were supposed to laugh and no one threw tomatoes at me.

After our biographies, the students asked questions that were different than the outreach questions I’ve heard in the past. The difference was probably due to the fact that these students have skin in the game, whereas the college students were attendees because it was part of a course they were taking.

After outreach, we mingled for a few minutes and a young lady made a bee-line for me to compliment me on my perfect makeup!

It was wonderful to be out en femme again and to do outreach. I will be doing outreach at a different local high school next month. 

Wearing Eloquii

Longtime Femulate reader Nancy Ng attending the 2019 Christmas Gala of her Toronto area CD support group, Xpressions.

Postponed

I was supposed to do outreach at a local high school today, but the person at the school who requested us forgot that today was a half day for the students. So outreach has been rescheduled for next Wednesday. (That gives me another week to think about what I am going to wear!)

Readers asked to describe outreach.

Outreach is an attempt to educate and enlighten non-transgender people about what it means to be transgender. 

It occurs in two parts. First, each outreach presenter gives a brief autobiography (about five minutes long). Then the audience asks us questions.

All of the outreach I have done in the past was with college students who were attending as part of a course they were taking (typically Human Sexuality). I expect that the questions from the high schoolers may be different because attendance is voluntary and not related to a course they are taking. Rather, they are attending because they are members of the school’s gender and sexuality club. They have skin in the game, so I suspect their questions will be different.

Click here to read my post about the most memorable questions asked of me at past outreaches.

Wearing Elisabetta Franchi

Rob Lowe femulating a nurse in the 1984 film Hotel New Hampshire.

Being a "girl" vs. being a "woman" on Halloween

The following article originally appeared in the always entertaining Gwen’s Place, Glavyril's now-defunct blog. Although originally written as fiction, take it from me that there is a lot of truth in this story.

While many transgenders and crossdressers dress frequently and are out and about, surely many more indulge themselves only on special occasions – none of which is more special than Halloween. 

If they have a real gal in their lives who cares and wants to be supportive, be aware that it can be stressful for her. Understandably, she may be supportive of many things in private, but not want it to be general knowledge that her beau has a girly side.

All excited about their upcoming Halloween party, Henry used some poor judgement with regards to body hair removal. Fortunately, his clever girlfriend defused his faux pas by doing him up in a homemade costume that no one will take seriously. Henry, who was likely planning on “working girl chic,” while feeling a bit ridiculous, probably does not realize what a favor his supportive girlfriend has rendered. 

Perhaps he even feels that she is trying to humiliate him? Not hardly – she even plans to cover for him, “Well, he didn’t want to shave everything, but he looks so cute and a little girl can’t be all hairy, now, can she?” 

No, Henry had “big girl” plans and had not planned to have a ribboned girlish bob, while wearing pink ruffles, carrying a dolly and girly handbag to the party. But Linda is not cruel and she spent a lot of time on his outfit! Folks will certainly chuckle if not laugh at “Henrietta” as Linda will call him. His buddies will be calling him that for months, but it will still look to them like a costume… perhaps over the top, but still a costume.

Now, a cruel Linda would have helped poor Henry look as much like a real woman as possible for the party, something out of the Devil Wears Prada motif, perhaps? Sure, the “Little Girl” might raise a few eyebrows but it is silly, innocent, heck boob-less and can likely be laughed off by folks, especially if “Mommy” plays along. 

As compared to a Henrietta with a glam coiffure, wearing a pencil-skirted Armani suit and Jimmy Choo heels, shaved, plucked, boobed and bejeweled, basically looking like an avid reader of Vogue. As the knowing smirks and pointed comments accumulate, Linda may likely let Henry take the fall as she thinks he should.

“Oh, he does it all the time. It seems I am dating another woman,” she might let slip after a drink or two.

So, if you are not ready to be outed, think “costume” not “real.” 

Wearing Venus

Lil Nas X femulates Nicki Minaj (Halloween 2020)

Halloween Recap

I began writing this post at sunset on October 31 while sitting in the front room keeping an eye out for kids coming up our long driveway to trick or treat.

Last year was the pandemic and no one showed up. Year before that, no one showed up because the weather was bad (rained heavily all day and night). And the year before that, only two boys convincingly dressed as female cheerleaders showed up.

The weather this year was perfect for trick or treating... dry and in the mid-60s, but I don’t expect many kids to make the trek here. Our neighborhood has matured and the kids are no longer kids and too old to trick or treat, so if we get any customers, they will be from the distant cul-de-sacs.

I did not dress for Halloween this year. I pulled out my old French maid uniform and thought about wearing it to present candy to the trick or treaters. Then I figured why go to all that trouble if we are likely to get few, if any trick or treaters. I would have ended up just sitting around en femme, tugging at my tight girdle and the hem of my short skirt, while my wife watched 90 Days Fiancé on the tube. (Early on I thought that the name of that show was 90 Days Beyonce and I wondered why Beyonce never made an appearance!)

Saturday night, I watched The Fly, old Frankenstein and Young Frankenstein on TCM. I never watched The Fly from beginning and end and I was surprised how good it was. Old Frankenstein is always enjoyable, but I forgot how short it was (only 70 minutes). I enjoyed Young Frankenstein, too, but it saddened me when I realized that most of the cast was dead. 

And then there’s Jerry Remy.

But there is some good news. Next week, I will do outreach at a local high school, so I will finally get out en femme among the civilians. And we had one trick or treater show up, so we are trending upwards!

Wearing Venus

Ana La Chica Bolera (Ana the Bowling Girl) is a situation comedy from Mexico in which all the roles are played by males. It is neither a film nor a television program. Rather, it is a web-only production that you can view on YouTube.

Outreach of the Past

The following repost describes one of the last times I did outreach. 

I have not done outreach in a few years. The professor who taught the class I often did outreach for left the University and then there was the pandemic.

I almost did outreach yesterday, but I was late answering the call and they had enough volunteers by the time I volunteered. Outreach was in a church in the neighborhood where I grew up – right next door to my grammar school and a block away from my old home. It would have been so sweet to return as a woman, to a place where I suffered from the abuse of my peers because I refused to man up and turn my back on the woman I was intended to be.

Professor Schildroth has only one human sexuality class this semester rather than two, so  I only had one class for outreach. I was joined by four other transwomen: MaryAnn, another no-op, no-hormone woman like me and three post-op women, Amanda, Kailey and Michelle. I've done outreach with MaryAnn and Michelle many times; Amanda and Kailey were new to me.

As usual, there were a lot more women than men in the class... about 25 women and exactly three men.

Our outreach starts off with each of us telling our biographies in a nutshell – about five minutes each. Then the class is divided between the no-ops and the post-ops for the students can ask questions. Half way through the class time, the no-ops and post-ops switch sides so that each half of the class gets to question all of us.

I am not sure how effective this is as outreach because if the students don’t ask the right questions or if we don’t touch upon a particular point in our bios, then there will be holes in the students’ understanding of what it means to be a transgender person.

However, reading the students’ written comments after each session, I think we are making some progress. We usually are able to leave them with the knowledge that we are not freaks. Rather, that we are just like they are, that is, human beings just trying to get along in the world.

Most of the students’ questions asked of me were typical.

• How did you choose your female name?
• Do you present as a woman all the time?
• Does your spouse support you? 
• Etcetera.

Then there were a couple of atypical questions.

• What was your favorite time growing up? (The late 1960s.)
• What was the weirdest question you were ever asked at outreach? (You just asked it.)

Sometimes, I am a little nervous when I do outreach and come across as “sad” and/or “up tight,” but this time, I was very comfortable and as a result, I was humorous and very effusive.

One student commented that I was “cute” in the way I told my story. Another commented about my prowess for walking in heels – something she has yet to conquer. Still another came up to me after the class, gave me a big hug and said I was “very pretty.”

I did good.

Wearing Madeleine

Femulator Extraordinaire Virginia Prince, circa 1965

10 Years Ago Today

Before COVID-19, I actually dressed en femme and went out among the civilians. The following recounts such an outing that occurred 10 years ago today. 

Tuesday, I spent the day en femme.

I wore my argyle tunic, black ribbed tights and black mid-calf boots. After I looked in the mirror, I wondered if I was showing too much leg.

Lisa and Nancy at work wore similar outfits on Monday. Lisa wore leggings instead of tights, but they were form-fitting and could be mistaken for tights. So I figured that my tights could be mistaken for leggings, unless the viewer got real close.

Who was I trying to kid? 

You had to be myopic not to see that I was wearing tights. The ribbing gave them away. If the tights were a solid color, then mistaking them for form-fitting leggings was in the realm of possibility, but the ribbing was very apparent and to my knowledge, there is no such thing as ribbed leggings.

So why did I go out showing so much leg? Because after I looked in the mirror, I liked the way that I looked! 

I was out the door at 9:30 AM.

First, I wanted to see the man with all the toys, so I drove to the mall. I entered through JCPenney and spent about 20 minutes browsing through items in the woman’s clothing department. I saw a few items of interest and tried on a couple of jackets, but I discarded each one for different reasons. 

While I was in JCPenney, I was very self-conscious about my leggy outfit and I kept looking to see if I was attracting any attention. I noticed none, so I felt more comfortable with my appearance, and walked out into the mall.

At the center of the mall, I found Santa; he was ready for action and I was his first customer. I gave him a break and instead of sitting on his lap, I sat next to him.

While his elves snapped a couple of photos, I told Santa what I wanted for Christmas and he said that if I had been a good girl this year, he would see what he could do.

I chose which photo I thought was the best and the elves printed two copies of my pick to take home with me.

I exited the mall and drove to a strip of strip malls about ten minutes from the university where I would be doing outreach after noon. I intended to visit Dress Barn, Payless Shoes, Marshalls and Kohls, but by the time I finished visiting Dress Barn, it was time to drive to the university.

By the way, I tried on five dresses at “the Barn,” but bought none. Three were too small and the two that fit looked too big on me.

I arrived at the university and pulled up to the guard house that guarded the parking lot. After I explained why I was visiting the university, the guard said, “Park anywhere that is not reserved, Ma’am.”

“Thank you, sir.”

I parked the car, walked to class and on the way, a group of guys ogled me as I walked by.

“Thank you, guys.”

At the classroom, I met up with three other transgenders and the spouse of one. I had done outreach with all of them on many other occasions.

The two Human Sexuality classes had approximately 30 students each with females outnumbering males by about a 4-to-1.

The routine is that each of us spends about five minutes each telling our life stories in a nutshell. Then the students ask questions.

We hear many of the questions (like “How did you choose your female name?”) over and over again at each outreach, but there are always a few unique questions that require some thought to answer.

Yesterday, the students were very enthusiastic, had a lot good questions – so many so that we ran out of time before they had a chance to ask them all.

After the class, we read the students’ reactions to our presentations. I lost count of the number of reactions that admitted that before our presentations, the students thought that all transgenders were gay and now they learned that that urban legend is not true. Another common thread was that some of the students were apprehensive about our appearance, but afterwords, they felt very comfortable with us.

After the classes, I called it a day. I had not slept well the night before and I was exhausted, so I drove home and went to bed early. But before I fell asleep, I reflected on another fun and productive day out en femme and began looking forward to the next opportunity to be me.

Wearing J.Ing

Ving Rhames and fellow femulators in the 2000 film Holiday Heart

Outreach Memories

Doing outreach at Southern Connecticut State University

For over a dozen years, I performed outreach at various colleges and universities in Connecticut including a regular twice-a-year gig at Southern Connecticut State University for the Human Sexuality class taught by Professor Anna Schildroth. Anna left the University about the same time I retired, so I lost that outreach opportunity and have not been doing much outreach since then.

What's "outreach?"

It is an attempt to educate and enlighten non-transgender people about what it means to be transgender. Typically, we accomplish this by giving a brief autobiography and then answering questions from the students to clarify and expand upon what the students may already know or upon what we stated in our biographies.

Here are some of the more memorable questions I have answered doing outreach.

Q: Are you married?

A: Yes.

Q: ...to a woman?

A: Yes.

Q: Do you have any children?

A: I have a 30-something daughter, who is very supportive.

Q: Where do you go out when you go out as a woman?

A: The mall, restaurants, museums, shows, etc.

Q: Do you crossdress when you have sex with your wife?

A: Never

Q: Why do you have your nails done only to go out once or twice a month?

A: I wear pre-glued, stick-on nails that take about 5 minutes to apply.

Q: How did you pick your female name? (This is probably the most asked question.)

A: It is a female version of my male name.

Q: What do you do when someone stares at you or reacts negatively to you?

A: I try to disarm them with a smile.

Q: What do you do when you are at a bar and a guy hits on you?

A: I say I am not interested and point to my wedding ring.

Q: Which bathroom do you use?

A: I always use the ladies' room.

Q: Did you have a hard time learning to walk in heels?

A: No, I took to heels like a duck takes to water.
.
Q: Don't you worry that your voice gives you away when you are out in public?

A: Usually my voice is not an issue. (By the way, my voice is not deep and I am soft-spoken even in male mode. In female mode, I just crank the softness up a few notches. However, I am always working harder to improve my feminine voice.)

(I turned the question around and asked the class, "If you did not know I was a male, do you think my voice would give me away?" Three or four students answered and they said, "No.")

Q: How do you hide your genitalia

A: I wear a panty girdle or Spanx panty to keep my genitalia in check. At one time, I tried a gaff, but discovered that it was very uncomfortable and that my male parts would escape frequently and required regaffing. The panty does a much better job keeping those parts in place and is much more comfortable.

Q: Do you do hormones or have you had surgery?

A: No. (My answer often surprises the students.)

Q: The way you move your hands and gesture is very feminine. Are you doing that intentionally?

A: It is not intentional. (I noticed that I gestured while answering the question and suddenly became aware that my hand gestures were indeed feminine, which gave me pause.)

Q: Do you buy your clothes in a "big" women's store?

A: Not necessarily. I am a size 16 or 18 above the waist and a size 14 or 16 below the waist, so sometimes I find clothes that fit in the "Misses" section and sometimes in the "Women's" section.

Q: What is your sexual orientation.

A: Lesbian.

Q: What would you do if you could do it over again?

A: I would live 24/7 as a woman without hormones and surgery, but I would have electrolysis.

Q: Do you ever feel that you are really a female?

A: Yes.

Q: Do you ever think about living full-time as a woman?

A: I think about it every day.

I don't go fishing for compliments when  I do outreach, but some come my way nonetheless.

A female student loved my hairdo and thought that my wig was my real hair. A pretty student said my makeup looked "fabulous." Another commented that I should teach the females in the class how to apply makeup.

One female student thought I looked good enough to do female impersonation.

Another female student commented how good I looked for my age. Immediately, another female jumped in and said how well I was put together. After that comment, nearly all the females started talking at once, commenting about how nice I looked. I blushed with embarrassment and thanked them for their compliments.

One student commented that my outfit was "cute." That made my day until another student stopped by to say, "You are so pretty!" She was very pretty herself and I was stunned by her compliment.

My most memorable outreach experience occurred four years ago.

After the class, a female student approached me. She said that when I entered the class, she thought I was a woman, not a trans woman, but a born woman.

Thank you, I thought to myself, but then she added that besides thinking I was a born woman, I was also the most beautiful older adult woman that she had ever seen in person!

I thanked her profusely aloud as she examined my presentation up close. She thought I was about 45 years old and she was very surprised when I revealed that I was 60 a the time.

Then she told me something very personal that I will not repeat here. I thought I detected her eyes beginning to well up.

The encounter became so emotional for me that I cannot remember if I gave her hug or not. (If I didn't, I should have.)

Those few minutes with her were priceless to me and I will remember her forever.

By the way, I am available to do outreach. Contact me via e-mail at stana-stana (at-sign) sbcglobal.net

Wearing Boston Proper.

Oliver Thornton and Maulik Pancholy femulating in a 2016 stage production of The Taming of the Shrew.

My Lucky Day

I was supposed to do outreach on Thursday for a Human Sexuality class at Southern Connecticut State University.

I wore a new "cut-out" top that I just got from Avon, relatively new dressy wedges from Payless and a very old, but seldom-worn ankle-length skirt from Newport News (remember them?). I took along my blue trench coat because light rain was in the forecast, then I grabbed my black purse and was out the door at 11:15 AM for a 45-minute drive to the campus.

Half way to New Haven, the rear passenger-side tire went flat. Luckily, I was on a two-lane state road and not an Interstate, so I was able to pull over to the side of the road without dodging traffic at Interstate speeds.

I have changed many tires in the past, but I have never changed one as a woman, so I was about to have a new real life experience. I knew my hands would get dirty, but I wondered if my stick-on nails would survive. I had the option of calling AAA, but from past experience, I knew I could change the tire before they would arrive on the scene and if I wanted to get to outreach on time, I had better do it myself.

So I switched to a pair of flats that I carry along just in case, got out of the car, opened the hatchback, got out the spare tire, car jack and wrench and it began to rain. Nuts!

I struggled loosening the lug nuts and just as I was about to jack up the car, it began to rain harder. I decided to wait until the rain slowed down, so I sat in my car, looking at my filthy hands and wondering how I would remove all the grime since all I had in the car were paper towels and no soap.

The clock was running. I was about 20 minutes away from campus and it was 20 minutes before the class started, so I knew at best I would be late getting to class. And the rain kept falling.

About five minutes later, the rain let up a little, so I decided to tackle the tire again. As I began jacking up the car, a car pulled up and parked behind me. A 20-something guy got out and said, "Let me do that. You go sit in the car" and proceeded to change the tire for me.

About five minutes later, he tapped on my window. "Ma'am, I have some bad news. Your spare is flat."

I suspected that the spare was good, just flat after sitting in my car unused for 10 years. Luckily (yes, it was my "lucky" day), I carry a tire pump that is powered through the cigarette lighter. It is slow, but it works. We got it going, inflated the spare and "Mike" finished changing the tire.

I thanked my knight in shining armor profusely and as he drove off, I looked at my watch. The class had already started and I figured that by the time I showed up, it would be almost over, so instead of driving to New Haven, I drove home to wash my hands.

Wearing Monse dress and Helmut Lang shoes (Source: ShopBop).

My Bio

Her Bio

Last week, Meg commented, "I (and perhaps others) would be interested in hearing your trans-bio as you present it to an average group of young civilians."

I am always happy to acquiesce to your requests, so here is the biography I wrote for my outreach presentations. You may recognize some of the words because they originally appeared in the blog, but you asked for it, so here it is.

⇓

My name is Stana.

I am a 65-year-old male-to-female transgender person. I am married and have one child. I have been crossdressing for over 55 years. 

My earliest memories of gender confusion was with regard to the wallpaper hanging on the walls of my childhood bedroom. The wallpaper had a nursery rhyme theme and depicted Little Boy Blue wearing Mary-Jane-style shoes – just like my sister wore. What's with that?

When I was about 10-years-old, I noticed a weekly ad in a New York City newspaper for a night club that featured female impersonators. The impersonators made glamorous women and I became fascinated that a guy could look so good as a gal. 

I tried to find out more about female impersonation, while I continued to enjoy boy things like playing sports, especially baseball (I could hit the ball a mile, but I threw like a girl).

I was not the "all-American boy." I excelled in school; always got excellent grades and was often the teacher's pet. I was also shy and soft spoken; guys called me "fairy," "faggot," etc. I did not know why. In retrospect, I guess some of my mannerisms were effeminate, but I did not think so. My speech and mannerisms were natural to me.

When I was about 12-years-old, I was home alone and I heard my mother's dresser call out to me, "Try on Mom's nylon stockings."

I did and then I heard my mother's closet call out to me, "Mom's high heel pumps will look nice with the nylons." 

So I tried on her heels, then I looked in the mirror and my legs were as shapely as a female - just like those female impersonators I admired. Soon I was wearing my mother's bra and girdle, her slips, her dresses, her hats, applying her makeup, etc. I got into my sister's stuff, too.

Whenever I was home alone, I practiced the art of female impersonation. I believed I was becoming an accomplished female impersonator, but I was frustrated and had to get out and show somebody. 

Next Halloween (when I was about 18-years-old), I borrowed some things from my mother and sister and dressed as a girl. I was not invited to a party or anything; I just dressed and drove around town surprising some of my friends and relatives.

Then I was back to practicing the art of female impersonation in seclusion except for a few Halloween parties I was invited to in my 20s. By then, I knew I was getting pretty good at dressing because on more than one occasion, I would overhear another party-goer ask "Who is the woman not in costume?" while referring to me. What a compliment!

In my late 20s, I met my future wife. We got married and I did not tell her about my hobby because I believed in the old wives’ tale that marriage would cure me. I had not crossdressed since I began dating her, so I believed the tale.

About a week before the wedding, I threw everything away. 

A month after the wedding was Halloween; we were invited to a party and I went shopping for a new women's wardrobe

Too many Halloweens in drag, my wife figured things out and asked me if I was a transvestite. I confessed. 

Initially my wife was supportive and suggested that I find a support group. I found Connecticut Outreach Society (COS) and started attending their meetings crossdressed. Then I started attending COS roadtrips to public restaurants crossdressed. Then I went to a couple of trans conventions where I could be a woman for a long weekend.

I became better at crossdressing by getting makeovers, reading how-to books, viewing how-to videos, etc. I got so good that I found that I could occasionally pass as a woman in public.

The better I got, the less supportive my wife became. I attribute her waning support to her disease, multiple sclerosis. As my crossdressing became better, her MS became more debilitating. 

Today, I only go out once or twice a month crossdressed in deference to my wife, whereas if I had my way, I would live 24/7 as a woman.

For most of my life, I believed I was a plain vanilla crossdresser, but I came to the realization that I am more than a crossdresser. 

Simply put, I identify as a woman. I am not woman trapped in a man's body, I am a woman. I think as a woman, I emote as a woman, and when I have the opportunity, I present as a woman. To most of my acquaintances, I am the most feminine male they know and that's because I am a woman.

True, my container is male, but its contents are 100% female. I am very adverse to fooling around with my container. Many things can go wrong and so far, my container has held up pretty well, so why mess with it. As a result, I have no interest in taking hormones or having surgery to modify my container so that it matches its contents. I have no plans to have a “sex change” operation.

I would be happier if I could live as a woman full-time, but I have commitments that make that impossible. Those commitments are my wife and daughter. 

So I live part-time as a male and part-time as a female, but no matter how I live, I am a woman all the time. 

Wearing Metisu.

Marcin Rogacewicz femulates on Polish television's Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo.

Reaching Out

I wrote about shopping and slogging through the rain in my previous two posts about my day out on Tuesday. Now I will regale you with part three of the story.

The drive to Southern Connecticut State University was uneventful. If anything, traffic was lighter than usual. I parked in the visitors' parking lot that was closest to the classroom where the outreach would take place and switched to flats for the half mile walk.

Once indoors, I switched to my nude high heel pumps and proceeded to the classroom, where I met up with Professor Schildroth and my outreach teammates, Mary Anne, Michelle and Quinton, who I have done outreach with countless times.

Once the class settled in, we kicked off by telling the class our trans biographies in a nutshell. Then we split up the teams with the post-ops going to another classroom with half the students and the no-ops (Mary Anne and me) handling Q&A with the other half of the students. At the half time, the teams switched off so that all the students had a chance to interrogate the post-ops and no-ops alike.

For the first time, there were religious and political questions. In light of the recent election, the political question did not surprise me, which was how secure we felt as transgender people after the election? (My answer: Very insecure.) The religious question was how religious were we? (My answer: Not very.)

Since we are no-ops, one student asked us if we considered becoming post-ops. My answer was that at my ripe old age, I would not consider it, but if I was young again, I would seriously consider it.

I don't recall the other questions probably because they were the same or similar to questions we have answered in past outreach sessions.

At the end of the class, the students thanked us and we moseyed over to the student center for a late lunch. I had a slice of veggie pizza, which was very tasty, but a few hours later, I experienced some of the worst indigestion I've had in quite awhile. Since I had eaten nothing else that day, I assume that the peppers on the pizza did not agree with me.

Other than that blip on the radar, it was a good day out among the civilians and I hope to do it again real soon now.

Wearing Boston Proper.

Coco Martin femulating in the 2015 Filipino television action drama Ang Probinsyano.