Thor’s Day Out

Thursday, I dressed pretty and attended the Creative Cocktail Hour put on monthly by Real
Art Ways. “Held every third Thursday of the month. A diversity of cool cats and outcasts gathers to experience art and connect with one another.” 

Last time I attended was just before the pandemic. Avoiding crowds, I have not attended since... until yesterday. (Before the pandemic, I attended three or four times each year.)

I wore a new dress from Zesica via Amazon – a sleeveless Damask T-shirt cover-up dress in a sexy leopard print, nude pumps from Payless, nude bag from Christian Siriano, nude thigh highs from Berkshire, gold necklace and earrings from Avon and unmentionables from Rago. 

To offset all the nude-ity, I wore a black scarf, but that choice was rejected by my fashion consultant (my Missus). She suggested something brighter, so we went through my scarf stash and redressed with a gold scarf.

The “Hour” starts at 6, so I left home at 5:30 PM. Traffic was light once I got through ESPN Town congestion and I arrived at Real Art Ways at 5:50. Paid my admission and looked for a familiar and/or welcoming face. 

I immediately ran into Deja, a friend who I first met at our support group years ago. We bought drinks, then grabbed a couple of seats indoors to catch up with each other’s lives. After we were all caught up, we went outside to listen to the live band, where I ran into Audrey, another support group friend. Audrey took the photo above, while we tried to catch up, but it was difficult because the band was very loud.

I did not encounter any other old friends, but I did meet some new acquaintances – two girls like me, one girl who was indeterminate and a table of cisgender girls, who “loved” my outfit.

At 8 PM, I exited to avoid driving in the dark. 

It was fun to get out again and I plan to do so more often.

Wearing Soleiluna

Members of Transvestite Independence Club (TVIC) circa 1977

Sports Bra

By Paula Gaikowski

There’s a scenic road here in New England that I take frequent walks on. It has views of the White Mountains, bucolic fields and stone walls. It’s a popular route and I often meet up or pass others. Most of the ladies’ wear sports bras and I often thought how nice it would be to have my A cup girls held high and tight just like those ladies.

The other day, I was in a thrift shop and came across and beautiful XL Nike sports bra for a bargain price. I couldn’t wait for my morning walk, a pair of black nylon women’s running shorts with small pink logo, a pair of cotton peds with pink trim, light control panty, my brand-new sports bra, and a breast cancer logo baseball cap. I was blurring gender lines just a little bit. 

My sports bra felt wonderful going on. I was amazed how everything felt so snug. I felt like all was right in the world. Off I went and enjoyed a beautiful walk.

When I got home, I was a bit sweaty and decided to change and shower. That’s when things got funny. How do I get this thing off? I tries pulling it over my head, but it wouldn’t stretch and the materiel is super strong. I tried to get an arm through, but no luck. Down on my knees bent this way, bent that way, pull here. Oh, now it’s stuck. I can’t move my arm. Ouch, I just punched myself in the face! It’s stuck –what do I do? Call the fire department! Scissors? Ask my wife for help? It took another exhausating 15 minutes, but finally I was free!

Curious if this was my own incompetence in the feminine arts or was this a common problem. I Googled “can’t get off my sports bra” and low and behold, I find a plethora of narratives, videos, memes and jokes about sports bras after a workout. It seems if you want a sports bra that works well, it tends to be one that comes off with great difficulty. 

Another rite of passage that I feel honored to have experienced. Guess I’ll watch some more videos and read some tips and tricks, but I am will not give up my sports bra until the fire department has to pry it off my twisted and bent body!

Wearing Retrofete

Femulator and friend

Happiness Without Transitioning?

By Paula Gaikowski

As you may know, the transgender community is rife with politics and political correctness. 

Many years back, I was shopping at Vernon’s Boutique in Waltham, Massachusetts – truly a refuge for me at the time. For those who may not remember, Vernon’s was a store that accommodated the transgender community before Internet shopping. Here was a place you could buy wigs, size 12 shoes and women’s clothing without having to say it was a gift for your aunt. I was enamored by the selection of girly clothes. Anyway, I was looking at maid outfits and frilly sissy dresses, when a transgender woman I was chatting with started to criticize me for being a “fetishist crossdresser” and not a “true transexual” like herself. 

Another time I went to a transgender support group meeting in Denver. It was early in my going out and I was very fragile. I got all dressed up in my new business suit, nails, new shoes, good hair day and drove two hours through rush hour traffic to get there. 

It was a group therapy type set-up where we all sat in a circle and shared our thoughts and experiences. At one point I used the term transgendered instead of transgender and they condemned me calling me transphobic, and then criticizing me for the way I was dressed because I conformed to a patriarchal archetype of femininity. 

Both incidents hurt me, and I started to doubt that I was transgender and that my lifelong desire to be female and a woman was misplaced. If being transgender meant being like these persons maybe I wasn’t a “true transexual.”

A popular narrative in the transgender community is that “a transgender person must transition – that it is matter of life and death. If you don’t agree, then you are less than…”

So, if I am transgender, can I live a happy life if I don’t transition?

Being transgender is like having a pebble in your shoe. It takes away some of the joy, it causes some pain, however, there still is meaning and even happiness. 

For some, the pebble may cause too much pain, causes blisters and then an infection that becomes life-threatening. The pebble must be removed. In other words, the person must transition. Some of us just keep hiking with the pebble in our shoe, although we may opt for a cuter and prettier shoe.

Wearing Joie

Just another beautiful Femulator

Get Out!

By Paula Gaikowski

Back in the early 90’s, the “dark ages” before the internet, I found myself connected to a dial-up bulletin board service that supported crossdressers and transexuals. The umbrella term “transgender” had not yet entered the lexicon. What was special and different was the fact that you could download pictures of other girls. This was the first time that I could see and communicate with others like me.

I was awed by how pretty some of them looked and I also was captivated by the fact that they went out in public. The thought that it was possible to be out and seen in public as a woman became an aspiration. It would take years.

Often I’m asked for advice on getting out in public from first timers. It’s funny – I can’t really remember my actual first time, the first few times out all kind of melt together. 

I was spending time in Reston, Virginia, on business and was dressing up in my hotel room, as I had been for years. I started making short trips from the room to my car and then back. Mad dashes, full of fear, that took my breath away.

However, it broke the ice and the evolution began. I became less and less fearful each time I went out. By 2008, it was natural for me to be in public as a woman. I traveled all over the USA, UK, Canada and Australia for business and used this time to go out and about in the world. 

I dressed in business clothes and appeared slightly better dressed then most women. I feel it’s important to blend in, not stick out and to dress age-appropriate. I never thought that I could go to malls, get makeovers at MAC, visit the doctor, dine out, and enjoy museums. Over the years, I lost weight, improved my wardrobe and developed my makeup skills. I became very confident and happy with my presentation as a woman. 

Many girls are fearful of what the public will think and how they will react. I have many friends who have been going out and about for years and we have all had the same experiences and reactions.

People either don’t notice you or sometimes you pass and sometimes you don’t. And if you don’t pass, most people are fascinated and supportive. I’ve never had a person call me a name or insult me in anyway. I remember it became such a non-event that I would often look for a reaction or input from hotel clerks or sales associates. 

I enjoyed shocking them with the transformation, One time, I was checking in as Paul, and at Marriott where they always ask if you are in town for business or pleasure? I responded, “Both – this afternoon I’m meeting a friend and we’re going dress-shopping. She has a wedding to attend”.

“Oh, you’re such a good friend,” she responded, implying that dress-shopping is something that most men didn’t like.

I returned about 90 minutes later as Paula, grabbed a water and asked her to charge it room 410. She typed in the room number and then made the connection to the guy who had checked in.

“Well, how do I look?” I asked. She and the other young women with her responded very positively. They were kind, complementary and cheerful. This was typical of persons I’ve interacted with going out and about.

Going out reminded me of learning to drive a car. When you first get behind the wheel, you are thrilled, look at me, I’m finally driving. I drove to the store, to school, even to the beach! Your hands are tight on the wheel, each turn is a challenge, every intersection daunting. Eventually you get behind the wheel and drive without even thinking about it. 

So much of going out has become second nature to me now. I walk out the hotel room door, smile at the maid, stop at the front desk, etc., without trepidation or anxiety. This self-assurance is contagious to everyone around you. It validates your appearance to them. 

When I visit cosmetic counters, the sales associates seemed to love the diversion of having a transgender customer. We always have great conversations and I always ask them about my appearance. Most often the words I hear are “poised,” “natural” and “classic.”

They say 90% of presentation is attitude and confidence. This takes effort and work. This effort is all part of being a woman. Please remember to enjoy the journey, the practice, the friendships, the accomplishments and even the failures.

I’d love to hear about some of your first times out and about!

Source: WhoWhatWear

A tradition in Southern Germany and Austria, Faschingshochzeit is a “Mardi Gras wedding,” in which the gender roles are reversed with a male bride and female groom. (Thank you Yamini for the tip about Faschingshochzeit.)

Monday

I have been going to the hospital every day to spend the afternoons with my wife, so my blogging, emailing and femulating have suffered as a result. I thought about going out en femme after I return home from my visits, but by then I am ready to crash and don’t dress pretty.

If any opportunities to go out en femme arise this week (and I am not ready to crash), I will dress pretty and go out.  

And so it goes.

Tami at the Salon

By Tami

I always go to salon or speciality crossdresser makeup service whenever I go out in public en femme. It’s not that I can’t do my makeup, but having someone else do it always produces far better results. Besides that, I love the full feminine experience of being among the girls, being pampered and told that I look pretty as pretty beauticians work their magic and fuss over me.

At first, I was afraid to go to “regular” salons with the genetic girls, so I only went to crossdresser specialists like Katie Wannabe, Le Femme Finishing School, Femme Fever and Feminine Mystique. Sadly, some of those places no longer exist.  

Then I tried a “regular” salon (Donna's Hair Salon in Ewing, NJ) that advertised that they served crossdressers. I got an amazing total transformation there, out in the salon among all the women. I had my wig styled, full makeup applied and long nails attached and painted.  

I made an appointment and was assured there would be no problem, that they had a lot of “gurls” like me as customers. I arrived in drab mode, got dressed in a back room. The owner even helped me dress by tightening the laces on my corset, after which she made me swoon when she said that now I had a figure any woman would die for! 

I was over the moon after being fully dressed in corset, bra, stockings, high heels, wig, jewelry and makeup. I was led over to the nail technician where she attached beautiful long nails and painted them bright red, all the while talking to me about all sorts of subjects that only girls talk about. She treated me as if I was born female and said I was the most feminine customer she had in a long time. She said that males like me, who dress as women, are always more feminine than “regular women” because we go out of our way to be as feminine as possible. 

To me they entire salon experience is simply divine. All the lady customers are usually friendly and some want to talk to me about all sorts of feminine things. I’ve gone to many salons over many years and I’m always looking for a new place to try, to have a new experience and see the different results being feminized by different beauticians.  

Don't wait, girls, the full world of feminine bliss awaits you at a salon/beauty parlor. 

Wearing Boston Proper

Harry Ritz (right) femulating in the 1937 film On The Avenue.

Out!

Wednesday, I went out en femme for the first time since the pandemic disrupted our lives.

My health issues have improved so much that I did not think twice about going out. The only thing I conceded to my achy left leg was to wear kitten heels instead of my usual high heels. (Walking after getting up from the seated position is shaky no matter what I wear on my feet, but once I take a few steps, I am good to go. High heels worsen the problem, while the kitten heels do not.)

I finally wore my Boston Proper vegan leather dress out for the first time. I purchased the dress in the fall of 2019, but it was too small. I could not return or exchange it because it was a “final sale” that I was unaware of until I tried to make the return/exchange. 

I was stuck with the dress. I thought that maybe if I lost some weight, it would fit, but I did not expect that to happen real soon now. But guess what? During the past two months, I lost ten pounds fretting over my osteoarthritis and now the dress fits perfectly. (That’s a total of 35 pounds lost since 2019 for those of you who are keeping track.)

I accessorized with silver jewelry and a black bag. I was ready to exit to my Subaru in the garage when my wife appeared to check me out. She hated my black bag and insisted that I add some color to my outfit. After trying different accessories, we settled on a red bag and a red floral scarf that you see in the accompanying photo. 

My wife was so helpful – it was as if she was helping out a girlfriend rather than a girly husband! She is a treasure!

The 20-minute drive to the Victoria House Restaurant and Tavern in Cheshire was uneventful and I soon found myself seated in the dining room with four lady friends who I have known like forever: Lisa, Sylvia, Diana and blurred Lee Anne, who had to attend in boy mode because he had a boy mode engagement following out luncheon. (I listed the ladies‘s names, left to right, as they are seated in the photo below.)

Food was secondary to the conversations as we were all getting caught up on what we were doing during the pandemic. By the way, we practically had the dining room to ourselves; there were only two women seated at another table, so some of the trans topics we discussed did not cause a commotion.

I did manage to bring attention to myself exiting the restaurant. To leave the restaurant, I had to go through the tavern, where there were about a dozen civilian patrons. One door in the tavern led to the actual exit and the other door led to the rooftop patio. Of course, I chose the wrong door and the waitress shouted to inform me that I was going the wrong way. Meanwhile, all the patrons looked up to see who was the lost soul! (I was not embarrassed – rather I was happy to show off my female presentation to the civilians.)

I drove home exhilarated to be back in my heels again and looking forward to the next opportunity to go out en femme. I was also happy that I was healthy enough to do so.

Update: Transgender Lives Conference

This just in: I will be presenting at the Transgender Lives Conference at 10 AM EDT on Saturday, April 30. My topic is “Confidence: A Crossdresser’s Best Friend.”

Wearing New York & Company

Young femulators performing in UK The Beacon School’s production of Bugsy Malone. (Thank you, Zoe, for the heads-up about this femulation.)

Getting Good to Go

On my last trip to Hamvention
(Hope it’s not my last trip to Hamvention!)

Lazy lady that I am, I stopped shaving my body parts when it was evident that my osteoarthritis would prevent me from going out en femme any time soon. 

But...

“The time has come,” the Walrus said, “To put on a dress and go out en femme.”

I am feeling better and have been invited to lunch with some lady friends later this month. I think I can manage a few hours out especially if I wear flats, but now I face the daunting task of removing all that hair!

I thought about cheating and wearing black tights to avoid shaving my legs, but I still have to deal with the rest of my body hair and removing leg hair is relatively easy and so it goes.

By the way, I have sent my regrets to my ham radio friends informing them that I will not be going to Ohio next month to attend Hamvention. I may be good to go out to a local restaurant for a few hours, but I am not quite good to go to Dayton and be on and off my feet for the three-day convention.

I so look forward to my Hamvention trips and was very much looking forward to going this year especially since the convention was cancelled the last two years due to the pandemic. But I finally bit the bullet, put on my big girl panties and admitted that this year was a no-go, too.

Darn it!

Wearing A.L.C. dress and Valentino tote and sandals

Three gorgeous girls out in their LBD‘s

Postponed

I was supposed to do outreach at a local high school today, but the person at the school who requested us forgot that today was a half day for the students. So outreach has been rescheduled for next Wednesday. (That gives me another week to think about what I am going to wear!)

Readers asked to describe outreach.

Outreach is an attempt to educate and enlighten non-transgender people about what it means to be transgender. 

It occurs in two parts. First, each outreach presenter gives a brief autobiography (about five minutes long). Then the audience asks us questions.

All of the outreach I have done in the past was with college students who were attending as part of a course they were taking (typically Human Sexuality). I expect that the questions from the high schoolers may be different because attendance is voluntary and not related to a course they are taking. Rather, they are attending because they are members of the school’s gender and sexuality club. They have skin in the game, so I suspect their questions will be different.

Click here to read my post about the most memorable questions asked of me at past outreaches.

Wearing Elisabetta Franchi

Rob Lowe femulating a nurse in the 1984 film Hotel New Hampshire.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly or Brenda’s Attempt at “Out and About”

By Brenda

I had a rare opportunity with no one home for a full 24 hours that would allow me to be “out and about” for an evening. My plan was to visit the mall, a hardware store and Ikea. I planned to leave the house upon nightfall allowing several hours of shopping. However, retail hours have been cut short and stores are not open until 10 p.m. anymore.

I had my outfit ready to go and would enjoy an afternoon at home first. I just needed to tape up the Zoom camera just in case I had a work call.

The Good

Wearing of a mask means I don’t need any real makeup except for eye shadow. Wearing glasses, the impact may be less. I still put on lipstick to match my press-on nails.

The Bad

An important package was to arrive at the last minute needing a signature, which put my departure time later than planned. This cost me time.

The neighbors set up a hockey net right in front of my driveway and played road hockey with their kids. That cost me time as I needed for them to go away so I could drive out without notice or suspicion.

My shoe size has gone from a size 10, 20 years ago to a size 11 and now it’s very much a size 12. Pre -planning helped me find a nice pump, but I really wanted a chunkier heel, but the stiletto would work. Is this what happens as we age – our feet get bigger?

COVID weight gain pushed my skirt size up two sizes, but a quick visit to the thrift shops solved that problem. In fact, I spotted another gurl casually spending time enjoying herself shopping.

The Ugly

My left knee has become problematic and of course, it was giving me pain the day before. This ruled out the high heels. No problem – my flats fit fine, but I will bring my pumps just in case.

So anxiously eyeballing the road hockey family, they finally realized it was too dark to play and packed up. By now it was 7:30 p.m. and I decided maybe I should just go straight to Ikea as the mall closed at 8 p.m.

Well, I managed to check out DSW just before closing hoping to find new shoes, but no luck.

Ikea worked out great as I followed through the maze, but what I wanted was out of stock. My knee held up well with the high heels with the shopping cart providing support.

The time savings without the check out line let me drop into Lowes to look up paint colors and stroll through appliances and kitchens. I was feeling very confident that I am sure the middle-aged woman would pass well in the power tools section as well. I did wear my flats.

So what does a femulator do when the stores close?

A drive-through coffee, a visit with a couple of ATM machines, return some books at the library drop box, drop off donation items at two charity boxes, but I did not mail any letters. I switched to my heels and parked farther away than normal allowing the swish of my skirt and the clicking of my heels to serenade my femininity.

I was home by 10:30 p.m. and changed into something more casual, but still feminine (as opposed to a sweat shirt and track pants) and enjoyed tidying up the kitchen and putting everything away.

I did enjoy my chance to go get some fresh air even though I had several obstacles in my way. My confidence went up as the mask provides a sense on anonymity, but in my hyper vigilance of reading reactions, I found no instance of double takes or confused stares that would put me on edge. Many shoppers go about their business unaware of others and I found that I am passable because I try to blend in for my age group and stay confident in knowing I belong. Just like the civilians, I too go about my business unaware of others (though my Spidey sense is always on).

One thing I did realize is that possibly I will seem out of place in the malls from a fashion standpoint. Women have moved to tight sport clothes, casual sweats, jeans and more casual footwear. The stylish woman is either hiding in her home or they too have adopted the new, super casual look. This is a look I don’t think I can pull off and blend into the crowd as I prefer the jacket, skirt and scarf that represents the executive assistant or secretary style.

Maybe I need to lose the extra weight and give the casual look a try. Maybe I also need to abandon the Spanx and girdle and leave the bra behind like todays woman, but then I won’t have a skirt or heels or stockings to make myself feel feminine.

Wearing Böhme

John Inman (right) femulating in British television’s Are You Being Served?

Trans Sisters at the Casino

Years before the pandemic, I went to the casino in boy mode for a family birthday party on Labor Day weekend.

The party arrived at the casino at about 1 PM and the festivities began with some pre-dinner gambling. I invested $40 in one slot machine and 30 minutes later, I walked away with $320.

The casino was crowded due to the long holiday weekend and it was difficult finding available slot machines to play. As a result, I did not lose much of my winnings and instead, used them to pick up the dinner tab.

We finished dinner at about 7 PM and it was now “high glam” time in the casino. Everywhere I looked, I saw women dressed to kill in evening gowns, cocktail dresses and their highest heels. 

Among the glamorous women filing into the casino, I also noticed a few boys in evening gowns, cocktail dresses and their highest heels. Some of  “girls” were more glamorous than the girls.

My trans radar is pretty good and I am 99% sure that I detected my sisters en femme. And I am 100% sure about the ones who were using the men’s restroom!

(Thing is that here in Connecticut, “girls” can use the ladies’ room if they area presenting as girls, so go figure.)

Wearing Reese

Manuel Blanc femulating in the 2016 French film Where Horses Go to Die.
You can view a music video related to the film’s soundtrack on YouTube.