Finding a Kindred Soul

Saturday night, I attended One Big Event at the Connecticut Convention Center in Hartford. I started writing about my night out in my previous post and conclude the story with this post.

Here is the story behind the photo above: I saw a young woman taking a mirror selfie in the ladies’ room, so I offered to the her photo and asked if she would take mine. She could not have been nicer, took my photo a couple of times until she was satisfied with the results and did not even have me take her photo!

Like her, most of the women were friendly and many exchanged smiles and/or hello’s with me (like I was a member of their club). On the other hand, eye contact with a male usually resulted in a cold blank look. Go figure! This was not the usual crowd of civilians; it was predominantly an LGBT crowd, so you can reach your own conclusions.

I spent a lot of time chatting with the girls seated at our table, that is, Diana, Karen and Laura. Diana and Laura are retired, whereas Karen is a working woman and I was very interested in her story about transitioning on the job and her trials and tribulations during the ensuing seven years.

I love Karen’s attitude in that she is not concerned about dressing to blend — she prefers to dress to please herself. For example, on a recent casual Friday at work, she wore a pencil skirt, a beautiful blouse and heels… not very casual, but very Karen! Definitely something I would do!

Karen and I have crossed paths in the past, but this was the first time we had a long chat and got to know each other. We have a lot in common and it is always nice to find a kindred soul

Wearing Ann Taylor.

Vladimir Luxuria, Italian actress, writer, politician and television host

Comparing Favorably

Saturday night, I attended One Big Event at the Connecticut Convention Center in Hartford. It is an annual fund raiser for the Hartford Gay & Lesbian Health Collective.

It is a black tie affair and I try to dress appropriately. I have attended four times in the past and have always worn a cocktail dress. The year was no different and I wore a purple Connected sequin-lace cowl-neck sheath dress from Macy’s that I bought on the day I went to work as a woman, Halloween Eve. It is a gorgeous dress and it garnered me compliments throughout the night. For example, I was touching up my makeup in the ladies’ room after dinner and a woman who was doing the same at another sink, tapped me on the shoulder as she left the room and said, “I love your dress!”

For days, I could not make up my mind what shoes to wear. I seriously considered wearing a pair of white sequin strappy sandals with a 5-inch heel, but I knew that they would cripple me half way through the evening (or even sooner), so I wore a pair of shoes that I figured would be easier on my feet, nude high heel pumps from Payless with a 3-inch heel. As it turned out, they were very comfortable and I wore them all night without a problem. I even drove to and from the affair wearing them in my standard shift Subaru.

I wanted to try a more glamorous look with my eye makeup: a smokey purple look to go along with my purple dress and to compliment my green eyes. I found exactly what I needed on the Internet: a how-to video on YouTube. I did not have the exact products that the woman in the video used, so I had to approximate and the results were a reasonable facsimile of the her handiwork.

After an uneventful 35-minute drive, I arrived at the Convention Center at 6 PM, just as the event was scheduled to begin. The Convention Center was also the site of an auto show, so leaving the Convention Center were throngs of people in casual garb, while in the opposite direction were groups of people dressed to kill. It was an incongruous sight.

The trans contingent was not as numerous as in past years: four trans girls I knew (Audrey,Diana, Laura and Karen), probably another three or four I did not know and there may have been others I did not identify as trans.

The cocktail hour lasted about 90 minutes. I mingled and chatted with a few friends and acquaintances while taking in all the women decked out in beautiful evening gowns and cocktail dresses. I think I compared favorably.

More in the next post.

Wearing Brahmin.

Andreja Pejic

Last Night

I attended One Big Event last night.

I wore a purple Connected sequin-lace cowl-neck sheath dress from Macy's, nude high heel pumps from Payless, nude thigh highs from Berkshire and pearl jewelry from assorted sources.

I will write up the details about my evening out later today and post them as soon as possible.

Love,

Stana

Monday Musings

A Mirror Selfie

Thank-you!

Thank-you for all your comments and e-mails in response to my request for your input on why I should or should not come out as trans at work.

Almost everyone supported my desire to come out and almost everyone said that I should only do it with my wife's support.

There was some disagreement on what I should do after I come out:

• Live as a woman 24/7
• Work as a woman, home as a man
• Work as a woman or a man depending on my mood

I am mulling everything over trying to decide what to do.

One Big Event

Since I did not spend $1000+ attending Fantasia Fair last month, my pocketbook permits me to attend One Big Event this Saturday with bells on.

One Big Event is a benefit for the Hartford Gay & Lesbian Health Collective and is billed as "Connecticut's Premier LGBTQ Gala." I have attended in the past and have enjoyed the event each time.

One Big Event is a black tie affair, but I will be wearing a new cocktail dress instead.

Your Favorite Photo

I received two inquiries over the weekend asking if I am still looking to post your favorite photos and the stories behind them, as I did earlier this year.

Yes, I am.

No one has sent me anything recently, so that is why I have not posted anything. That being said, my open invitation to post your favorite photo along with the story behind it and the reason it is your favorite photo still stands, so don't be shy, send me your fave foto.

Wearing Brahmin.

Linus Rosenauer, male model

Take the Money and Run

Four times, I have attended One Big Event, an annual formal dinner-dance. It is a fundraiser for a local gay and lesbian organization (Hartford Gay & Lesbian Health Collective) and affords an opportunity for everyone to dress to the nines… guys in tuxedos and gals in gowns (or vice versa) dining on rubber chicken and dancing to loud music.

First two times I attended, the event was held in a hotel and the ticket cost $100.

The third time I attended, they moved to a bigger venue, a convention center and the ticket price was bumped up to $125. The ticket still cost $125 last year, but this year, they bumped the price up to $150!

It is bad enough that they bumped up the price for no apparent reason, but I never felt very welcome by the folks running the event. The absence of a T in the name of the organization should have been a red flag.

Two years ago, the organization attempted to segregate the attending transgender women to a separate bathroom! Can you believe it? I found it unconscionable that a gay and lesbian organization would be so insensitive to transgender folks.

And each year, the organization’s photographer makes the rounds and takes photos of all the attendees including the transgender folks. And each year, the group manages to exclude photos of transgender folks from the photo slideshow of the event that appears on their website.

Just a coincidence, maybe, but the local newspaper that covers the event every year always includes photos of transgender folks in their report (my photo has appeared twice!).

I guess the newspaper is more open-minded than the gay and lesbian organization, which just takes our money and runs. Maybe I will take my money and run somewhere else.

 

 

 

Street style during Paris Fashion Week Spring 2015.

 

 

 

Actor Ned Birkin femulating in the 1993 British film The Cement Garden. When a male visitor asks why the young boy is dressing like a girl, his sister responds, “Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short, wear shirts and boots, because it's OK to be a boy, but for a boy to look like a girl is degrading, because you think that being a girl is degrading. But secretly you'd love to know what it's like, wouldn't you? What it feels like for a girl?”

This Girl’s Saturday Night Out

Saturday night, I attended One Big Event at the Connecticut Convention Center in Hartford.

It was a dress-to-kill event and I did my best. I wore a figure-hugging, leg-baring Christian Siriano gold brocade cocktail dress that I accessorized with pearl jewelry and nude platform pumps. I wore false eyelashes, so it took me nearly an hour to do my makeup and hair, but I was out-the-door in my faux lynx fur coat at 5:30 PM to make the 22-mile trip up I-84 to Downtown Hartford.

I arrived at the Convention Center, an absolutely gorgeous venue at 6 PM just in time for the cocktail hour. After walking a short distance through the parking garage and into the Center, I took three escalator to the glass-enclosed top floor which provided a spectacular view of Hartford and beyond. Very classy!

I was pretty happy with the way I looked. My dress got rave reviews right from the get go. When I arrived at the reservation table to check in and get my table assignment, the drop-dead gorgeous woman handling my reservation said, “Your dress is gorgeous!”

And that’s the way it went throughout the night. I lost count how many women, strangers all, said that they loved my dress. I even got a “I love your dress” from a young man in attendance!

However, all was not well. I should know better than to break in new shoes at an event like One Big Event. By the end of the cocktail hour, my feet were killing me, so I was happy when the doors to the banquet hall opened and I could sit down at my table.

There was a full-house; about 500 people in attendance including the Mayor, the Lieutenant-Governor, and one of our US Senators, Richard Blumenthal. None of them sat at my table. Instead, I sat with friends I have known for years and two newbies: girls named Billie and Katie. Katie was with her spouse Scarlett Thompson, the makeup artist I met and dined with at Fantasia Fair last year.

I asked Scarlett if she went to Fantasia Fair this year and she said no. I replied, “I didn’t go this year either, so that’s why I didn’t see you there!”

She laughed and then I added, “I go every other year. If you go every year, it’s like going to the county fair every year - you see the same pigs!”

She laughed again and then asked half-seriously, “What are you inferring by that?”

We both laughed.

I had a good time talking and laughing with my friends. Dinner was excellent, the speeches boring and the fund-raising annoying especially in light of the cost of admission.

The band struck up around 9:30 PM and it seems that about half the people got up to dance and the other half exited the banquet room to go home or to go outside the banquet hall where they could continue schmoozing without competing with the loud music.

I hung back in the banquet hall for about a half hour, but no one asked me to dance. One woman checked me out so thoroughly that I thought I had a dance partner for life, or at least for the next song or two. But she moved on --- maybe she figured out I was a tranny and not the woman of her dreams. So I decided to go outside the hall to find my friends who had gone outside earlier.

I found them and hung out with them for about 45 minutes. I was tired and there was nowhere to sit and chat, so I decided to go home.

It was a great girl's night out. I made new friends and enjoyed catching up with my old friends. I dressed to impress and I think I achieved that goal. But next year, I think I will pass on One Big Event. It's like going to the county fair every year...

 

 

 

Actor Buster Keaton (left and right) in the 1921 American film The Play House.

 

 

 

Wearing Nha Khan.

Last Night

I had a blast at One Big Event last night and I have some interesting tales to tell. As soon as I compose them, I will post them here. In the meantime, here is a selfie of me all dressed up and ready to go for my night out.

Also, a photo of two friends and I attending the event appeared on the Hartford Courant website today (number 16 in the slideshow).

 Peter Lappin of Male Pattern Boldness fame presenting as his cousin Cathy Lane.
(I just love her dress and fashion sense!)

 Wearing Brahmin.

Perfect Storm

Saturday night, I will attend One Big Event at the Connecticut Convention Center in downtown Hartford. The event benefits the Hartford Gay & Lesbian Heath Collective.

It will be my fourth time attending this event, which includes a cocktail hour, dinner, and dancing to a live band. The photo is me after dressing for the 2010 installment of the event. Last year, the Hartford Courant recorded my appearance with a photo in the print edition of the newspaper!

This is a dress-up affair; men in tuxedos and women in evening gowns and cocktail dresses. I plan to wear the $190 gold metallic brocade sheath cocktail dress that I purchased from Spiegel's Ultimate Outlet store for $10. My shoes will be the Nine West nude platform pumps that I just bought last week. I will wear a gold sequins clutch, but my jewelry accessories are still in the undecided category. I also am not sure how I will wear my hair.

Saturday night turns out to be a "perfect storm."

For some reason, the date of One Big Event was moved from mid-November to Saturday night. Coincidentally, Real Art Ways moved their Odd Ball from mid-March to Saturday night. Fantasia Fair also has their Gala Awards Banquet on Saturday night. And the Red Sox will be playing in the World Series Saturday night.

The Red Sox's World Series appearance was impossible to plan for and I did not go to Fantasia Fair this year, but I would have attended One Big Event and the Odd Ball if they were on different nights. I had to decide between the two and chose One Big Event.

And so I go.

 

 

 

Actor John Hurt in British television’s The Naked Civil Servant, 1975.

 

 

 

Wearing Metrostyle.

Minimalist Skin Care

Today, Daily Makeover had "The Lazy Girl's Guide to Great Skin," but it may as well be titled "The Lazy Femulator's Guide to Great Skin."

Personally, I perform a little more skin care than what is recommended by Daily Makeover, but not really that much more.

I am typing this while watching the Emmy Awards pre-game show, "Live From Red Carpet" on E! and the woman look gorgeous this year So many evening gowns to die for!.

There will be no red carpet, but I will have my own glam opportunity in about a month when I attend One Big Event. When I attended last year, my photo appeared in the Hartford Courant newspaper, so who knows what bodes for me this year.

One Big Event One More Time

I asked MaryEllen Fillo at the Hartford Courant if she would send me the original electronic version of my photo that appeared in the print edition of the newspaper on Tuesday. She graciously e-mailed me the photo and here it is.

MaryEllen was the photographer of the photo and here you can read the online version of her article that the photo accompanied.

Stana in the News

Out of the blue yesterday, I received an e-mail from Femulate reader Victoria asking if I had seen my photo from One Big Event in the print edition of the Hartford Courant.

I don't subscribe to the Courant, so I missed.

Victoria and my friend Robin kindly scanned the pertinent page of the newspaper (page D6 of the November 20 edition) and e-mailed their scans to me (see above).

Wow! I guess this is a milestone of some sort. And it is definitely so cool to have my en femme photo published in the oldest continuously-published newspaper in the USA!

By the way, the Courant published other photos of the event online.

Runner-Up

This was my second choice for a hairdo Saturday night.

You Look Amazing

I look forward to One Big Event. It is always a fab affair. Everyone dresses to impress with guys in tuxedoes and gals in cocktail dresses and evening gowns. And this year, the event moved to a new venue, the beautiful and relatively new Connecticut Convention Center.

I started getting ready at 2:30 PM on Saturday in order to show up at the event when it opened at 6 PM.

I wore false eyelashes. I rarely do and as a result, I am not adept at putting them on. The self-adhesive strips of the Revlon eyelashes I used were not adequate and I had to use eyelash glue to batten down my lashes. As a result, it took longer to do my makeup (about an hour compared to the usual 30 to 45 minutes).

I also wore stick-on toe nails (Kiss brand) for the first time. Turns out that they are just as easy to put on as the Kiss stick-on finger nails. It just took a little time to match the various sizes of fake nails to my real nails.

I dressed: undies, nude thigh highs, purple ruffle dress, silver jewelry, and silver strappy sandals.

My hair was up in the air. I grabbed a half dozen wigs from my wig drawer and tried them on individually to see which one looked best with my makeup and outfit. After messing around for about 15 minutes, I decided to go with my short dark auburn wig, which I have owned for about two years, but have only wore out once.

I examined myself in the mirror and thought I looked very nice!

Last step was to put on my stick-on finger nails. As I did, I noticed that the nail on my left thumb did not seem right, but I did not give it a second thought. I put on my fake lynx fur coat and began the 35-minute drive at about 5:15 PM.

Fifteen minutes into the drive, I glanced at my left hand and "Oh No!," the fake nail on my left thumb was missing! I rummaged around the car to find the errant nail, but it was a no-show.

I've lost nails before and survived, but I wanted to look perfect Saturday night, so I considered my options. If I took a 10-minute detour, I could get another set of nails at CVS or Walgreen, so that is what I did.

I was way overdressed for CVS, so when I walked into the store, I received a lot of attention from the other customers. But I did not pay much attention to their attention: I was a woman on a mission and I headed straight for the cosmetics aisle.

I found the nails and discovered that CVS was having a buy-one-and-buy-the-second-at-half-price sale, so I bought two sets of nails for $10 and change. (Every cloud has a silver lining.)

Back in my car, I slowly opened the box of nails because quickly opening the box usually results in nails flying all over the place. I applied a new nail to my left thumb, drove to the nearest entrance ramp to I-84 and headed northeast to Hartford. Despite the detour, I arrived at the Convention Center at 5:55.

I parked my car in the parking ramparage and walked to the entrance of the Convention Center. Inside, a woman was directing folks up the escalator. As I walked by, she asked how my feet were holding up in my “fabulous sandals.”

"So far, so good," I said and I was telling the truth.

Three escalators later, I was on the top level of the Convention Center where the event was happening. About a hundred people were already milling about drinking, schmoozing and looking at the items that were up for auction.

It was CVS all over again. I received a lot of attention, but now I was appropriately attired.

I checked in at the registration table to get a program and find out where I was sitting (lucky table #38). Then I bought a glass of wine and began milling about.

I quickly found some of my friends and schmoozed, took some photos, schmoozed some more, posed for photos (including one for the Hartford newspaper), looked at all the auction items, and looked at the all the beautiful dressed-to-kill women.

On my way up the escalators, a woman on the way down said she loved my fake fur coat. I ran into her again while I was milling about and turns out that she was a singer in the band. We chatted briefly and as we went our separate ways, she said, "See you on the dance floor, beautiful."

After an hour or so, my feet needed a rest, so when they opened the doors to the dining room, I headed to table #38 and sat down.

There were ten people at my table: seven transwomen (most I have known for years), the spouse of one transwoman, and a gay couple who were co-workers of another transwoman.

There were a few other transpeople in the room, but the majority were seated at my table. In all, there were about 500 people in attendance including U.S. Senator Richard Blumenthal and Hartford Mayor Pedro Segarra.

Dinner was excellent and a far cry from the rubber chicken they often serve at such massive events.

The only disappointment was the sound. The acoustics of the room and/or the sound system were poor. Everything sounded muddled. It was a strain trying to understand what each speaker was saying and it negatively affected the music, too.

As a result, the music sounded far away and did not move me to dance. I did dance to a couple of tunes, but I spent the majority of the time chatting with my friends and people watching.

My feet held up amazingly well as long as I did not stand for long periods of time as I did when I first arrived. Sitting for a spell revived my feet each time and I was able to walk around and dance. And even though I had a pair of flats in my car, I drove home wearing my heels.

One Big Event is a fund-raiser for the Hartford Gay and Lesbian Health Collective, so I found it odd that they had a sign in the hall indicating where the "Transgender Bathrooms" were located and where the non-transgender "Bathrooms" were located. I don't think any of the transwomen at my table used the "Transgender Bathroom." I know I did not; I made a point of using the "Women's" bathroom when needed.  

During the evening, I caught a couple of women checking me out. In each case, when our eyes met, I smiled and they returned the smile. I also caught a few guys checking me out. Go figure!

As I exited the Convention Center, I passed a group of young women, who admired my fake fur coat. One of the women asked if she could feel the "fur" and I said, "Go ahead."

After she felt the fur, she said, "If I owned that coat, I would wear it every f***ing day."

I took that as a compliment and said, "Thank-you."

Then she added, "You look amazing!"

Would you believe Plan C?

Getting ready to attend tonight's One Big Event, I decided to break in the new color block pumps I decided to wear.

Turns out they were more comfortable than the leopard print pumps I originally intended to wear, but not by much. Considering I will be wearing high heels seven to eight hours tonight, I decided to opt for Plan C, i.e., a more comfortable pair of heels.

I rummaged through my shoes and found a pair of strappy silver sandals that will go perfectly with my silver accessories.

This morning, I took the color block and leopard pumps to the Post Office and they are now on their way back to Shoe Dazzle.

I also stopped at Rite Aid to pick up a set of stick-on toe nails. The sandals expose all my toes, so I have to make them look pretty.

Plan B

If the shoe fits, wear it. If the shoe does not fit, wear it anyway.*

I revisited my Shoe Dazzle purchase more carefully last night. Wearing knee-highs. I tried on both pairs again and it was apparent that the leopard print pumps were not a good fit.

Yes, I could squeeze my feet into the shoes, but the fit was tight and from past experience, I knew that I would not be comfortable for long wearing them.

I will return the leopards to Shoe Dazzle and wear the color-block shoes to One Big Event Saturday night. The color-blocks are roomier than the leopards and will be a more comfortable choice for the long evening of dining, dancing and schmoozing.

Buying shoes from Shoe Dazzle is a crap shoot. Eleven is the largest size they sell and that is the size I order; sometimes the fit is fine and sometimes it is not. Luckily, shipping and returns are free, so the experience cost me nothing.

* – The old philosophy of a long-time femulator, who has finally wised-up.