Modern Marriage

Wearing Johanna Ortiz.

A young "lady" participating in a recent beauty pageant.

My Dream Marriage

I have mentioned my dreams here a few times in the past. I seldom recall them when I wake up, but the ones I do recall always have a trans theme.

Over the years, my dreams have gone through a few stages.

The first stage, which lasted for many years were dreams about getting dressed en femme or trying to get dressed en femme and not being able to do so because something prevented me or because I woke up before I was got dressed.

The second stage, which lasted a year or so were dreams about getting dressed en femme, then going out and encountering friends and family who approved of my dressing.

The third and most recent stage, which has lasted for a year or so are dreams where I am dressed all the time, that is, I do not get dressed in the dream, rather I am dressed as a woman from the get-go. Getting dressed is not part of these dreams because I am living as a woman full-time or I am a woman in these dreams (it is unclear which is the case).

Last night, I had an unusual dream. I don't think it is a new stage, but it is an interesting twist to my dreams. In last night's dream, I was married to a male and we attended the "Big E" as a husband and wife (the Big E, also known as the Eastern States Exposition, is a huge annual state fair for all six New England states).

In real life, I often go to the Big E, but never en femme. Also, in real life, I am not attracted to males. So go figure!

Why I Decided To Become A Woman

And what’s so bad about being a man?

Good reading!

A Huffington Post excerpt from "Through the Door of Life: A Jewish Journey Between Genders" by Joy Ladin [University of Wisconsin Press, $26.95]

The Groom Wore Satin and Lace

Surfing the Web, I found this story, an oldie, but a goodie, about a 1984 role reversal wedding in the United Kingdom.  

According to Syndication International,  "The wife wore the trousers yesterday at the weirdest wedding of the year. The 'blushing bride' in white satin and lace, was a MAN, and so were his pretty bridesmaids.

"The black-suited 'groom' was a WOMAN... and it was all legal. For transvestite Bruce Laker won his battle to wed live-in lover Vanda Young in Britain's first gender-bender marriage ceremony.

"Bruce wore tights with a garter and carried a posy of roses and orchids.

"The bizarre wedding took place at Newport on the Isle of Wight. Bruce, 30, and hairdresser Vanda, 34 wore just what they pleased, though the Registrar General frowned on the bad-taste marriage.

"Bruce's mother was philosophical about the whole thing. She said: 'Let's face it. I've not lost son - I've gained two daughters-in-law.'"

Six Years Later

In a follow-up story, six years later, the "marriage that would never last" was still going strong, according to the Weekly World News.

"..it's Vanda who dons the trousers each morning as she trots off to work in a styling salon."

"And it's her gender-bending Bruce who ties a frilly apron over his housemaid's dress and spends the day tidying up their little love next on England's Isle of Wight."

Neither story disclosed what "battle" Bruce won in order to wear white at his wedding. The earlier article infers that it was a legal battle, but I don’t know for sure.

The photo is from the Weekly World News article. I take exception to the caption, "World's ugliest bridesmaids." In my opinion, the bridesmaid to Bruce’s immediate left is a knock-out.

Twelve Years Later

The couple turns up again 12 years later in the 1997 book Male Femaling by Richard Elkins.

"Phaedra Kelly is the alternate personality of Bruce Laker. She is a 42-year-old married writer and transgender activist who lives with her wife and step-daughter on the Isle of Wight in a home which doubles as The Museum of International Gender Identity. From the same address she directs the International Gender Transient Affinity, the first working world-wide transgender human rights organization."

You can read the entire excerpt from Male Femaling here. And Zagria has some additional information about Phaedra on her A Gender Variance Who's Who blog.

I could not find anything newer about this ground-breaking marriage. Are Phaedra and Vanda celebrating their 27th wedding anniversary this year? I hope so.

My Circumstances

In response to yesterday's post, I received e-mails wondering about how my wife feels about being married to a feminine man.

I have always been feminine. I was a feminine boy, a feminine teenager, and a feminine adult (and I have the scars to prove it).

My wife fell in love with me, a feminine man. She never tried to change me while we were dating, nor during our 30 years of marriage.

Early in our relationship, she encouraged my dressing en femme. She bought me "pink" gifts and suggested I find and join a support group. I flourished as a woman because of my wife.

My wife has a debilitating disease. The disease inflicted her years before we met and I was aware of it going into our marriage.

Over the years, the disease has taken a toll on my wife. As her condition worsened, she became less supportive of my dressing en femme; as her health issues become more burdensome, she wanted to be free of the burden of my transgender issues.

Today, she accepts my need to express my transgenderness by dressing en femme, but she is not happy about it. As a result, I do not dress en femme as often as I would like. I do the best that I can under the circumstances.

I often wonder where I'd be today if her support and encouragement had continued.

On a related note concerning yesterday's post, my desire to "transition" is nothing new. I have felt that way for a few years now, that is, the desire to live 24/7 as a woman.

And my version of "transition" does not involve hormones or surgery; electrolysis would be the only intrusion I would allow to make my body more feminine.

My transition would simply be a matter of replacing my male wardrobe with a female wardrobe and living my life as the woman I was meant to be.

And so it goes. 

Before and After

I am not sure what was the original intention of this early 20th Century postcard.

It follows the theme of the anti-suffrage propaganda, that is, if women got the right to vote, it would lead to a gender role reversal.

But the postcard makes no reference to the suffrage movement. So  is it anti-marriage propaganda or simply a joke about the state of harried married males?

In any case, the male’s femulation is disappointing.

P.S. The woman in the before and after scenarios looks like the same woman, but the male looks different. In addition to wearing a dress, he looks shorter and has a mustache in the "after" scene.