Someday Funnies

I live for Woman’s Days – those days when I can experience the world in my preferred gender. The rest of the time, those non-Woman’s Days, I reflect on my most recent Woman’s Days and anticipate my next Woman’s Days.

Which is kind of sad... wasting those days in between living as a MINO (man in name only) when I’d rather be living full-time as a woman.

C'est la vie. 

Wearing Chicwish

Femulator Vic (or Vi), circa 1944

Those Pesky Torpedoes

It is never too late to be what you might have been. ―George Eliot

I spent the weekend doing housework, grocery shopping, and income taxes, while thinking about what to do about the elephant in the room.

One minute, I just want to blurt out everything and the next minute, I didn't want to say a word and just go on being a frustrated woman. And then there were times I wondered if I really am a woman.

I am reading No! Maybe? Yes! Living My Truth by Grace Anne Stevens. I bought the book because Grace transitioned in her mid-60s and I thought that would give me some insight at my age (64, going on 65).

I’ve read a lot of trans biographies and although I always find some similarities between myself and those biographies, there was never a close match between them and I. Not so with Grace Anne Stevens. I won’t go into details, but I see a lot of myself in Ms. Stevens… almost a sisters separated-at-birth scenario.

That should have settled all the doubts in my mind about being a woman, but there are still doubts and there probably always will be. Do I use those doubts as an excuse not to move forward or do I just damn the torpedoes and do it! 

There is a big difference between Ms. Stevens and myself. She was divorced when she took damned the torpedoes, whereas I am happily married. Although I am happy with my marriage, I am not happy about being stuck between genders. If I was not married, I would be living as my true gender today.

And there’s the rub.

Wearing Nordstrom.

Bryan Boy wearing Oscar de la Renta.

Turning the Corner

My 65th birthday is just around the corner and I have been doing a lot of thinking about how I am going to live the rest of my life after that landmark birthday:

• As a frustrated woman because I will continue to pretend to be a man most of the time or

• As a woman

I have accomplished a lot in my life while pretending to be a man, but imagine what I could have accomplished if I was not a frustrated woman.

Truth be told, I suspected I was a frustrated woman most of my life, but it was less than ten years ago when I had my epiphany and realized I really was a frustrated woman. So I am kind of off the hook about all those years before my epiphany, but plead guilty to dragging my feet (pun intended) since my epiphany.

It seems that I have been closely following Scarlett O'Hara's words, "Tomorrow is another day" as I procrastinate.

The thought of living the rest of my life as a woman thrills me. Every morning when I get dressed to pretend to be a man, I pretend I am dressing to live as a woman. As I put on my briefs, I picture myself slipping on a pair of panties. As I pull a T-shirt over my head, I picture myself clasping myself into a bra. As I pull on my socks, I picture myself carefully pulling on a pair of thigh-highs. Etcetera, etcetera.

Oh, how I wish it were true! And I have the power to make it come true.

My employer would not be an issue. Human resources says I can start coming to work as a woman anytime and my boss said she is more than ok with it. And my many Halloweens at work as a woman have prepared my co-workers, so they are already used to that girl and will not be surprised if I go full-time.

Home is where there is a catch. I have not broached the subject with my spouse and I have no idea how she would react.

For what it's worth, about a month ago, her and I are eating dinner, when out of the blue, she asks, "Do you think you might be transgender?"

I blurted out, "Duh."

And that was the end of the conversation. So she knows something is up with me and has been up with me for a long time.

I have to make the next move.

Wearing Bergdorf Goodman.

Brendan Jordan

Birthday Girl

I admit it: I am fussy when it comes to receiving gifts.

My family is well aware of that fact. So whenever Jesus' or my birthday approaches, they ask what I would like rather than take a chance and give me something I may not like. (By the way, my family is fussy, too, so I always ask them what they want.)

My birthday is in March, so I expect that my family will be posing the biannual gift question in February.

I'd like to tell them that I have lived the first 65 years of my life as a man (more or less) and would like to live the next 65 years of my life as a woman.

Maybe that is too much to ask. After all they are accustomed to Stan the man and may be unwilling to make the transition to Stana the woman.

In my heart, I know that is a lot to ask. So I am willing to step back and ask them to gift me a compromise: tolerate me presenting as a woman at work and in other professional scenarios and they can have Stan the man the rest of the time.

Making the transition on my birthday seems apropos, so that gives me some time to work it all out.

Miss Todd (1981)

I’m So Tired

I misunderstood Emily's question Do you ever tire of femulating? when I answered it on Saturday.

So she wrote back, "My real question was do you ever just yearn to not have these feelings that attract you to femulating? In other words, for me... sometimes after sex, sometimes after a nice time with friends and my wife, sometimes when I've obsessed about femulating, I suddenly get this feeling of 'I wish the desires would go away forever.' Have you ever felt that way?"

Yes, but in a different way than you.

I spend too much time thinking about femulating and thinking about living my life as a woman. I feel it is time wasted and negatively effects my productivity. If I am doing something I don't like doing or if I am doing something, but feeling lazy, thinking about femulating provides a distraction from what I should be doing.

I believe that if I transitioned, I would not think about femulating as much as I do now and that I would be a more productive person as a woman.

So, yes, I am very tired of femulating and should just transition and be done with it.

Comments please?

 

This purported femulator appears in the music video for
Tom Petty’s You Don’t Know How It Feels in 1994.

 

Wearing Brahmin (bag).

If you look this good as a woman, why bother being a man?

During my last Halloween at work en femme, somebody posed the question, "If you look this good as a woman, why bother being a man?"

Five months later, there is still a low-level buzz at work about my Halloween presentation. I understand that some people wonder when I am going to drop the other shoe and present en femme full-time.

Which indicates that some people have concluded that there is more to my Halloween presentation than just Halloween.

My spouse is not on-board with me living full-time as a woman. I will not bore you again with the details, but I will simply state that I have made commitments to my spouse that I plan to honor, which precludes me living full-time as a woman.

Recently, I read about a girl who was in a similar situation as mine. Everyday she left her home in boy mode, dressed en femme at work, spent the day en femme and at the end of the work day, changed back into boy mode and returned home. In her case, it was to hide her girl from her children. Her spouse knew what was going on, but I do not know if she was supportive or not.

That daily routine sounds exhausting, but it is an option.

Maybe I could try it one day a week, see how it goes and build up to doing it five days a week.

It will make my work day longer because dressing and undressing takes time and I would do that on my own time, not company time. But practice makes perfect and over time, I probably can streamline things and cut some time off the processes.

I believe that Human Resources would support me because the head of HR already asked when I was going full-time.

What's holding me back?

The Other Side of My Closet

Janie's blog post today inspired me to write the following.

One side of my closet is fresh and vibrant, the other side, not so much.

On one side of my closet, new items appear regularly and old worn-out items are replaced.

On the other side of my closet, there is dust on some items; old worn-out items are not thrown out unless absolutely necessary and are seldom replaced.

Guess which side of the closet is which?

The girl side of my closet is growing, while the boy side remains the same. It has gotten so crowded on the girl side that I moved all my special occasion dresses to an unused corner of my wife's closet.

My collection of shoes and bags is getting out of hand, too, and I am storing some of those items in my wife's closet.

I have not bought anything new from the men's aisles since late last winter and that was on the occasion of my regular undies purge in which I throw out all of my boy panties and camies and replace them with a fresh set.

Although the boy side of my closet is old and neglected, I buy new items for the girl side all the time.

It's like I'm getting ready to live as a woman full-time.

Live It

If you are part-time, why aren't you full-time?

If being a woman is such a good fit for you, the gods obviously intended that you live on the feminine side of the gender continuum (even though they erred during the installation of the plumbing).

The plumbing is a handicap, but don't let it handicap you from living the life you were intended to live.

I know I should practice what I preach, but I have an excuse, although I do live as a woman as often as I can. And you may have an excuse that is just as legitimate as mine, so you are excused.

But to the rest of you who have no excuse, you are not excused.

If you've got it, don't flaunt it --- live it!