Last week, a reader asked, “Any advice on reaching out to find friends and acquaintances?”
Monday, July 26, 2021
Friends (and Acquaintances)
Last week, a reader asked, “Any advice on reaching out to find friends and acquaintances?”
Friday, April 9, 2021
Why Would Anyone Want To Be A Woman?
When I came out to my ham radio friends and acquaintances, almost everyone was supportive.
One friend, who I had known for over 35 years was pleased to see me once he recognized me en femme.
He listened attentively to my story. Then he asked some questions, which I answered.
Finally he said to me, “Why would anyone want to be a woman?”
My jaw dropped. I felt like everything I had said to him had gone in one ear and out the other.
It was not a choice. I didn’t decide one day that I needed a change of pace and would become a woman. I didn’t decide to become a woman to spice up my life.
Life would be so much easier if I was not a woman who found herself in a male body.
Like author Joy Ladin wrote, “There’s nothing so bad about being a man... as long as you’re a man.”
I'm certainly not a man. Never was. That explains why I feel uncomfortable when en homme, but at ease when en femme.
Anyway, I did not unfriend my old friend for asking that question. I look forward to seeing him and we still interact with each other the same way we did before my coming out.
And so it goes.
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Wearing Guilty of Glam |
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Christian De Sica femulating in the 2018 Italian film Amici Come Prima (Friends Like Before). If you search YouTube for Amici Come Prima, you will find a number of film clips from the movie. |
Monday, June 25, 2018
Friends
Category 1
There are the people who know me only as a woman. They never encountered the male me. Some of them may be aware that there was a male me and some of them are unaware and believe that I am a cisgender woman.
The latter subcategory is a small set of people. Most of them are people I encountered so briefly that they did not have the time to figure me out. For example, the female shopper who approached me one day in Macy's, complimented me on how fashionably I was dressed and asked me for my opinion on the clothing she was about to purchase.
Then there are people who do figure me out eventually like the two transwoman I befriended at Fantasia Fair. They initially thought I was the cisgender female spouse of another Fantasia Fair attendee.
Category 2
There are people who knew the male me first and the female me later. They fall into two subcategories: people who are ok with the female me and people who are not. Luckily, those who are not ok with the female me are a very tiny minority. (There may be people in the first subcategory who pretend to be ok with the female me face-to-face, but behind my back, may not be ok with the female me.)
The board members and officers of my ham radio group comes to mind. When I came out as transgender to the board and officers, it was composed of people who had known the male me in person for 15 to 20 years and even longer if they were familiar with the hundreds of articles I had written about ham radio as far back as the late 1970s.
No one was as surprised as I was on how well they accepted the female me. There was some tripping over pronouns initially, but they got over that hurdle quickly and I have never detected any inclination that they were only ok with the female me face-to-face.
Then there are board members and officers who came along later. Some of them might have been familiar with my writing, but none of them had ever met the male me and only know me in person as a female. They accept me as a woman because that is the only option I afford them. Whether they like me or not is another matter, but that is there reaction to me as a person, not me as a woman. In that regard, the folks who knew the male me probably are ok with the female me because they are ok with me as a person no matter my gender.
Put the Shoe on the Other Foot
By the way, I try to put the shoe on the other foot and think about how I would react if a longtime friend or acquaintance suddenly came out as trans and presented as a woman. My first thought is that I would be perfectly fine with it, but that is not fair because I am trans and presupposed to being very sympathetic to other trans folks. (In fact, a ham radio acquaintance of about 10 years came out as trans to me last year and of course, I had no problem with it even though I was very surprised.)
And so it goes.
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Wearing Bebe (Source: Bebe) |
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Bill Bain femulates Carmen Miranda in a 1950 Kiwi Concert Party production. |
Thursday, June 7, 2018
Old Friends
Saturday, April 26, 2014
A Transwoman’s Best Friend is a Woman
Gary Jarman of the rock group The Cribs femulates
for the cover art of their Housewife recording in 2010.
Wearing Bebe.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Very Comfortable in High Heels
Part 4 of My Hamvention Story
In the past, I have recounted my adventures en femme in sequential order, telling you what happened each day and night as it occurred. This time, I will try something different and describe a variety of vignettes in random order.
I continued coming out to ham radio friends at Hamvention who I have not had an opportunity to come out to in the past. Their numbers are dwindling, but there are still a few stragglers out there in ham radio land.
As in the past, the people I came out to this year were fine with it. One fellow, who I have known for over 15 years (and who had no clue who I was until I pointed to my name on my badge) said, "As long as you are happy, that's all that counts."
The ham friends and acquaintances I came out to in past years are used to me. All refer to me as "Stana" and they all use the proper pronouns (she, her). One fellow slips up occasionally, but he is getting better all the time.
Two ham friends, who I have known for over 25 years are super-supportive. Whenever they see me, they are very enthusiastic and often complimentary. At our banquet Friday night, one of them said I looked "beautiful" and after he said that, I felt beautiful.
Some newer ham friends only know me as "Stana" and they are very cool with it. And my new female ham friends consider me part of their club and I am very cool with that.
More than one reader has remarked that they are surprised how well I have been accepted in the ham radio community, which tends to be more conservative rather than liberal. In addition, Dayton is about an hour from the Kentucky state line and as a result, Hamvention attracts a lot of attendees from the South, which also tends to be more conservative. So I had two strikes against me coming out to the Dayton crowd.
My first time at Hamvention 24/7 en femme in 2010, I felt a little uncomfortable going in, but my comfort level increased as I realized there was nothing to fear.
Now, I don't think about the fact I am en femme when I attend Hamvention because I am no longer en femme. My comfort level is such that I am complete as a person when I am en femme --- so complete that I am no longer en femme, rather I am a woman.
I love checking in and out of hotels as a woman. I love driving my car and pumping gas as a woman. I love dining and socializing with friends as a woman. I love doing everything as a woman because being a woman is my nature.
Students femulating on stage at Indiana’s Tr-State College, 1911.
Wearing Tahari Arthur S. Levine.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Fantasia Fair Friends
Previously, I posted photos of Miqqi Gilbert, the executive director of Fantasia Fair, and Dru Levasseur, the transgender rights attorney at Lamda Legal. Here are photos of my other friends at Fantasia Fair (by the way, I asked and received permission to post these photos).
![ff-friday-Alison-Liang ff-friday-Alison-Liang](http://lh3.ggpht.com/-tIsA8PHYj3w/UIqV0SETkvI/AAAAAAAAQes/R7b-6efnkrk/ff-friday-Alison-Liang_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800)
![ff-friday-Angela-Stevens ff-friday-Angela-Stevens](http://lh6.ggpht.com/-K3E_36g9cro/UIqV2HdvR8I/AAAAAAAAQe8/R9rGp3Skr5o/ff-friday-Angela-Stevens_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800)
![ff-friday-Barbara-Curry ff-friday-Barbara-Curry](http://lh3.ggpht.com/-poT8stwLcpI/UIqV4s-mNsI/AAAAAAAAQfM/DKDh75IM5zA/ff-friday-Barbara-Curry_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800)
![ff-friday-Dianne ff-friday-Dianne](http://lh3.ggpht.com/-nzkW1vKm0nY/UIqV6azTX5I/AAAAAAAAQfc/fhIv1XJSO38/ff-friday-Dianne_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800)
![ff-friday-Jamie-Dailey ff-friday-Jamie-Dailey](http://lh5.ggpht.com/-Sy6yl3NvyB4/UIqV8n9UWpI/AAAAAAAAQfs/U_ExnoQB2Hk/ff-friday-Jamie-Dailey_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800)
![ff-friday-jan_brown ff-friday-jan_brown](http://lh4.ggpht.com/-XL8Yg6N3sYo/UIqV-o9vf-I/AAAAAAAAQf8/UHTm_yNNlMo/ff-friday-jan_brown_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800)
![ff-friday-Marian ff-friday-Marian](http://lh6.ggpht.com/-0S6gbjTKH0w/UIqWAWPeaFI/AAAAAAAAQgM/3CV9wDIbKYA/ff-friday-Marian_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800)
![ff-friday-Melissa-Cross ff-friday-Melissa-Cross](http://lh3.ggpht.com/-9CimB1DryZE/UIqWCE7MSTI/AAAAAAAAQgc/U1s0q0MHC-8/ff-friday-Melissa-Cross_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800)
Cossette - This link will display a photo of me with my friend Cossette, who I met at Fantasia Fair in 2010.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Miss S
Affirmation is a wonderful thing!
Earlier today, I e-mailed a friend of mine. In the e-mail, I called her "Miss K."
In her responding e-mail, she called me "Miss S."
It was just a little gesture, but it made my day!
I've known this friend, a genetic female, for nearly ten years. For most of that time, she knew me only in male mode.
I came out to her about a year ago and she has been very supportive.
We have plans to go out to dinner soon (both of us en femme). Dinner is on me.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
the lost Lucy episode
Click here to view the script.
To view the script, you will need Adobe Acrobat Reader, which you can obtain for free from http://www.abode.com/.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
where's Billy?
![](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_EE_8WZK1okE/SM_GfWbf-lI/AAAAAAAACTQ/wVS0-4s3Nj8/s200/friends1.jpg)
The woman in the photo reminded me of someone from my youth, my best friend in grammar school, Billy. I think Billy resembles the woman in the photo and vice versa.
I have not seen Billy in over 40 years, so I have no idea what he looks like today, but take the Billy I knew in the early 1960s, put him in drag, and he would be a dead ringer for the woman playing the violin.
I never saw Billy in drag, but I know he dressed as a girl for Halloween at least once and I suspect he is trans.
Billy and I were best friends throughout grammar school. I can't remember how we became friends, but we had a lot in common and that is what probably drew us together. We were both Polish, which was a rare commodity in our neighborhood, we both went to the same church (a Polish parish, needless to say), we were both artists, which put us on the outs with the school's "in crowd," and we both were fascinated in the opposite sex. We had crushes on certain girls, but we both were also scared of them and never did anything about our crushes, at least not in grammar school.
Around puberty, maybe in the 7th or 8th grade, I remember Billy hinting that we dress as girls for Halloween. At that time, I knew something was up with me gender-wise, but I didn't know what and the idea of dressing as a girl for Halloween was very attractive, but I was also in public denial about my gender issues and told Billy that I had no interest in his Halloween costume plans.
I don't remember what I wore for a costume that Halloween, but I do recall that I went out with my usual Halloween trick and treat partner in crime, my other best friend, who lived across the street.
In school the next day, Billy mentioned that he did dress as a girl, he trick and treated at my house and was disappointed that I was not home to see him in his costume. Note that Billy never before trick and treated my house, so he made a special effort that night to show me his girl costume.
Around this same time, I remember that one of us decided that we should adopt girl names (why - I don't know) and for days, he addressed me by my girl name, which was "Susan" and I addressed him by his girl name, which I cannot recall now.
As I mentioned above, we were both artists. He was very good at painting and I was a very good at sketching. As an outlet for my budding trans psyche, I spent a lot of my free time back then sketching males wearing female clothing. I must have killed a forest doing it. One day, Billy mentioned that he had been doing something similar and another day, he showed me some of his sketches. My reaction was to show disinterest.
But my real reaction was fear. I was in uncharted waters; I did not know what was going on with him (or me). I had enough trouble sorting out what was going on with me without having to deal with what was going on with my best friend, so I basically ignored him and I think that was the begiining of the end of a beautiful friendship. We hung out less during our last days in grammar school and ended up going to different high schools and after a few years, we were both out of each others' lives.
I think Billy was reaching out to me. He probably was just as confused as I was and maybe he thought he and his best friend would be better able to work things out as a team rather than solo. If that was the case, he was probably correct and I very much regret not reaching out to him and trying to work out together what the heck was going on. And so it goes.
Over the years, I learned through a mutual friend that Billy got married and lives two towns away, but our mutual friend said nothing about anything trans and I certainly did not ask.
But I often think about Billy and wonder if he really was trans (or was it just my 'magination) and if he ever did anything about it. I often hoped that one day he would show up at my support group and we could become best friends again except that this time we would be girlfriends.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
my friend Robyn
Out of the blue, I received a flickr e-mail informing me that someone on flickr named "Robyn1967" had dubbed me as one of their Contacts. The e-mail asked if I would like to dub Robyn1967 as one of my Contacts, too.
I get these new Contact e-mails about four or five times per week and when I do, I check out the person's flickr profile to decide whether to make them my Contact, too.
When I arrived at Robyn1967's flickr profile, I was surprised. Most of my Contacts are other crossdressers; very few are genetic woman. It was obvious from her photos that Robyn1967 was a genetic woman; so I thought, until I started reading her photo captions.
I was "Wow'd." Her photos were wonderful and her story was fascinating. Among other things, Robyn lived and worked as a woman, which is one of my unfulfilled dreams.
I quickly added Robyn as a Contact and made plans to read her blog bio later.
Out of the blue, I received an e-mail from Robyn. She thanked me for reciprocating Contact-wise, then complimented my flickr photos. "You look REAL, sis, which from me is the ultimate compliment in that area." Boy, I'll say!
I dropped everything and read Robyn's bio. I found that we had a lot in common, not only the usual crossdresser life experience stuff, but other things crossdressing and non-crossdressing related.
We exchanged more e-mails and upgraded each other's status from Contact to Friend. I hope this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. I highly recommend viewing her photos and reading her story.