Confidence

As long as I have been going out as a woman, I have had some trepidation before I took that first step out the door into the real world. After all, under that makeup, wig and female finery is a 6 foot 2, 199-pound cisgender male.

Will I pass? Will I get read? How will civilians react? If you have ever gone out in public as a woman, you have been there and done that. I believe I will never do that again.

Two week ago, I stood at a podium in Ohio as a woman and made a short presentation to approximately 150 of my ham radio peers. It was a positive experience and a personal accomplishment.

Tuesday morning, a video of my presentation was posted on YouTube. I hesitated before I clicked the play button to view it. For the first time, I would see my female presentation as others see it... not in a still photograph, but in a full motion "live" video. Would I see a cisgender male in a dress? Would the video shatter the notion that I pass?

I clicked on the play button and five seconds into my appearance I thought "Holy Cow!" Watch my body movement and mannerisms as I say, "I used to write for QST." That is not the body movement and mannerisms of a cisgender male; that is the body movement and mannerisms of a female. 

Watching the 2-1/2 minutes of video, I continued to see a female and I was absolutely floored how feminine I appeared. Yeah, "Holy Cow!"

Growing up, I was clueless about my feminine ways, but my peers were very aware of it and let me know about it in no uncertain terms. But I refused to change because my mannerisms were natural to me, a good fit and I really did not want to man-up and embrace some of the aspects of being "male" that I found unattractive and even abhorrent.

But until I viewed the video, I did not realize how really feminine I appeared. So feminine, that even my male voice worked.

As a result, I am very confident about my femulation and I will never again have any trepidation about experiencing the real world as a woman because under that makeup, wig and female finery is a 6 foot 2, 199-pound female.

Wearing Shoshanna (Source: Rent the Runway)

Krzysztof Szczepaniak femulates Lady Gaga on Polish television's Your Face Sounds Familiar.

Live!

This year's Hamvention was the first time I spoke at a forum as a woman.

When I attended Hamvention in the past as a male (before 2010), I moderated and spoke at a number of forums. But since I have been attending as a woman, I have not presented because I was not ready to take that step in my coming out process.

This year, I was ready and gave a short presentation at my group's forum, the TAPR Forum, to encourage people to submit content for my group's quarterly publication, which I edit.

I think my presentation went well. No one hooted or threw rotten tomatoes and a couple of people even complimented me.

Even better... the forum was video-recorded and you can view it here on YouTube. (My appearance starts at the 6:39 mark and last about 2-1/2 minutes.)

I looked forward to seeing this video because I have never seen my female self "live" and I wanted to see for myself if I had feminine mannerisms.

All my life, I have been accused of being feminine. The way I walked, talked and moved were decidedly girly according to the social norms police.

I was not trying to act girly, I was just acting in a way that came naturally to me. Furthermore, I was happy with the way I acted and I was not about to change or "man up."

Anyway, after viewing the video, I have to admit that the social norms police were correct.

Wearing Mango (Source: Elle)

David Lander and Michael McKean femulating on television's Laverne and Shirley (circa 1980)

femulate elsewhere

A new list titled "Femulate Elsewhere" appears in the left sidebar of this blog. It is an attempt to list links to other blogs, forums, Web sites, etc., where this blog or this blogger has been mentioned recently.

I depend on Google Alerts for the mentions. Although Google Alerts is very good, it is not perfect and may miss something. So, if you are aware of a Femulate mention elsewhere that is not on the list, let me know about it so I can add it.