Take the Money and Run

Four times, I have attended One Big Event, an annual formal dinner-dance. It is a fundraiser for a local gay and lesbian organization (Hartford Gay & Lesbian Health Collective) and affords an opportunity for everyone to dress to the nines… guys in tuxedos and gals in gowns (or vice versa) dining on rubber chicken and dancing to loud music.

First two times I attended, the event was held in a hotel and the ticket cost $100.

The third time I attended, they moved to a bigger venue, a convention center and the ticket price was bumped up to $125. The ticket still cost $125 last year, but this year, they bumped the price up to $150!

It is bad enough that they bumped up the price for no apparent reason, but I never felt very welcome by the folks running the event. The absence of a T in the name of the organization should have been a red flag.

Two years ago, the organization attempted to segregate the attending transgender women to a separate bathroom! Can you believe it? I found it unconscionable that a gay and lesbian organization would be so insensitive to transgender folks.

And each year, the organization’s photographer makes the rounds and takes photos of all the attendees including the transgender folks. And each year, the group manages to exclude photos of transgender folks from the photo slideshow of the event that appears on their website.

Just a coincidence, maybe, but the local newspaper that covers the event every year always includes photos of transgender folks in their report (my photo has appeared twice!).

I guess the newspaper is more open-minded than the gay and lesbian organization, which just takes our money and runs. Maybe I will take my money and run somewhere else.

 

 

 

Street style during Paris Fashion Week Spring 2015.

 

 

 

Actor Ned Birkin femulating in the 1993 British film The Cement Garden. When a male visitor asks why the young boy is dressing like a girl, his sister responds, “Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short, wear shirts and boots, because it's OK to be a boy, but for a boy to look like a girl is degrading, because you think that being a girl is degrading. But secretly you'd love to know what it's like, wouldn't you? What it feels like for a girl?”

Shopping Spree

(updated below)

I was out all day en femme yesterday.

I wore my Victoria's Secret kelly green sweater dress, Payless tan bootines, Kohl's animal print scarf, and Fashion Bug white fake fur jacket.

I hit the first mall (West Farms Mall) at 10:30 AM and headed straight to the dress department of JCPenney to search out the dress I saw on their website. I quickly found a rack of that very dress and there was one in my size. I also found two other dresses to take into the fitting room.

After I stripped down and prepared to try on my finds, I noticed that the dress that brought me to JCPenney in the first place had a huge brown stain near its hem. It looked as if someone had stepped on the hem with muddy shoes while they were trying on the dress. I was disappointed as it was the only one in my size, but I tried it on anyway to see if it fit, and if it did, I could try another JCPenney store or order it online.

I had a hard time pulling up the zipper with my long nails  and with the dresses low back, I was not sure if I had zipped it up completely or had a ways to go. I just assumed it fit and planned to try another JCPenne later.

I tried on the other two dresses, as well as three more that I shagged during my second search through the racks, but they were so unimpressive that I cannot recall a single one.

Only one hour into my day out and the balls of my feet already hurting. I assumed that the 4-inch stiletto heels of my bootines were the source of my pain, but whatever the source, my feet were not going to take me to the opposite end of the mall to Sephora. Also, I wanted to shed my fake fur. It was too hot wearing it in the mall and I could tolerate the mid-40 temperature outdoors without outerwear for the short time out between my car and a mall entrance. So, I went back to my car, shed my jacket, and drove to the other end of the mall.

I had a shopping list for Sephora. I needed to replenish my powder foundation, translucent powder, makeup setting spray, and I had to replace the wig comb that I lost or misplaced. A Sephora sales rep greeted me and helped me find everything on my shopping list.

While shopping at Sephora, I encountered the sales rep who did my makeover over five years ago. She greeted me as if we were old friends, but just to make sure, I asked her if she remembered me. She said she did and when she described that encounter way back when, I knew that she really did remember me.

I thanked her for the words of wisdom she gave me during that makeover ("You only have one life to live and you should live it like you want. If someone has a problem, then it is their problem, not yours.") I have lived by those words ever since that day and I have been very happy doing so.

Paying for my purchases, the cashier complimented my perfume (Chanel No. 19) and informed me I had enough Sephora points to qualify for a free gift. I chose a tube of makeup primer, paid for my purchases, and headed for the exit.

Since I had parked at a Macy's entrance, I made a quick trip through their dress racks, found a couple of potential items, tried them on, but rejected them all. So I left the mall and drove to another mall (Westfield Mall) to try my luck at JCPenney.

Twenty-five minutes later, I arrived at the mall, but before heading inside, I decided to switch footwear to the flats I had recently purchased from Avon. Initially, they seemed comfortable, although they were a little tight. The "seemed" comfort lost out to the "little" tightness in short order.

In JCPenney, I found a rack of the dress of my quest. There were fewer dresses on this rack than at the other JCPenney and I thought that my odds of finding my size were not good. Lucky me: after checking the sizes of all the dresses on the rack, the very last dress I checked was in my size.

I grabbed two other dresses with potential and headed to the fitting room where I encountered the same zipper problem I had encountered with the soiled dress. Had I zipped it up all the way or not?

I managed to slip my arms out of the sleeves and revolve the dress 180 degrees to see what was what with the zipper. Turned out it had about five inches to go; there was no way I could zip it up all the way without removing some ribs.

Going in, I figured that the dress would fit because I had another dress that size  in the same brand (Allen B.) that fit perfectly. And when I tried the dress on, it looked great on me. So I was very disappointed; so much so that I did not even consider the two other dresses that I had dragged into the fitting room. I exited JCPenney and walked around the mall.

I visited Torrid and found their "optical illusion" dress to be interesting. I took a size 14 and 16 into the dressing room. To my surprise, the 14 fit and looked great, but I was not ready to spend $75 on a dress that did not outshine the $35 JCPenney dress.

My feet were not liking my tight shoes, so I visited Payless, which was just across the way from Torrid. They had a bunch of shoes in my size on sale, plus they were having a Buy One Get One (“BOGO”) at half price sale, so I tried on nearly everything they had in my size.

I purchased the two most comfortable pairs: a cute pair of black Mary Jane flats and a pair of black open toe sling backs with a 4-inch heel. Despite their heel height, I wore the slingbacks the rest of the day without a problem. By the way, between the sale and BOGO, the two pairs of shoes cost a mere $24.99.

The saleswoman at Payless was one I had dealt with a few times in the past at different Payless stores. On those previous occasions, I was always in boy mode, but I tried on girl shoes in the store, so the she knew I was a girly-boy. Now she was seeing me for the first time en femme. I mentioned that fact to her and she knew immediately who I was and was happy to see me in my preferred gender.

My last stop was Macy's. They had a much better selection of cocktail and formal dresses, both new and clearance, than the other Macy's. I tried on a half-dozen dresses. They were all very nice and of very high quality, so I was willing to pay more.

I narrowed down the selections and bought a "short sleeve, tiered floral lace scalloped hem cocktail dress." But overnight, I got a bad case of buyer's remorse and regretted not buying a long black formal dress with a pearl-embedded halter neckline that was on clearance.

The cocktail dress is very nice and it looks good on me, but I have plenty of good-looking cocktail dresses, while I own nothing like that formal. So, I plan to stop at Macy's today and if that dress is still on the clearance rack, it will be mine.

UPDATE: I went to Macy’s during my noon break and the dress was still on the rack. I grabbed it and took it to the cash register. The sales woman, who rang me up said it was the last one she had and gushed over how beautiful it was.

I told her I tried it on yesterday while I was en femme and it did look beautiful on me. She asked if I performed and we got into a conversation about drag.

When she rang up the dress, I was surprised. Its list price was $199, but it cost me only $55.

Coming a Long Way

Reflecting on my Saturday night out, a few thoughts come to mind.

•   Signs on the doors of the men's and women's restrooms declared that the restrooms were "trans-inclusive." I had a laugh when I saw the signs because in Connecticut, those signs are like carrying coals to Newcastle. Years ago, Connecticut courts decided that its citizens could use the restroom facility that matched their gender presentation (if you’re dressed like a boy, use the men’s room; if you’re dressed like a girl, use the ladies’ room). I guess the signs were there to clue in the clueless, but I was amused nonetheless.

•   While I was dancing, I noticed an attractive 30-something woman dancing nearby who was checking me out. Our eyes met an inordinate number of times. Finally she flashed a smile in my direction and I returned the favor. She wore no make-up and she was dancing with another woman, who I assumed was her date or partner. Her dance partner had her back to me, but when the song ended and they walked off the dance floor hand-in-hand, I was able to see her partner. She resembled me! She was a tall 50-something blonde wearing full make-up and a short hair style very similar to mine. Go figure.

•   The photo accompanying this post is another of me dressed at home before heading out to Hartford Saturday night.

•   Going out en femme is now so natural to me that I don't think about it. Saturday night, I interacted with civilians both male and female without giving it a thought.

That is in contrast to my outings in the not too distant past when I'd be inside my female embodiment wondering if the person I am about to encounter is going to figure me out or whether the person I just encountered did figure me out or Goddess forbid, if the next person I am about to encounter is male and is there anyway I can avoid him!

Those days age long gone.

Now that I am not thinking about how other people react to me, I am able to let my personality out of the box and really be me. For example, while I was waiting for the elevator at the hotel hosting the dinner-dance, I made small talk with two guys who were also waiting for the elevator and I even cracked a joke that made them laugh.

All I have to say is that I've come a long way, baby, and it is wonderful!

Saturday Night Alive

Last night, I attended One Big Event, which is the annual dinner dance fundraiser for the Hartford Gay and Lesbian Health Collective.

After mulling it over for a few days and reading your suggestions on the matter, I decided to wear my purple disco dot trapeze dress rather than my charcoal portrait collar dress. I am glad I did because besides feeling fabulous in that dress, I ran into a woman at the event who was wearing a charcoal portrait collar dress identical to mine!

I had a wonderful time at the event.

There were over 430 people in attendance including the gay mayor of Hartford, Pedro Segarra. Everyone dressed to kill with guys in tuxes and gals in gowns and cocktail dresses; it was a dazzling sight to behold.

I sat at a table with six of my trans friends and their SOs and two gay couples. The conversation and dinner were very good as was the entertainment, which included a female-to-male transgender comedian, Ian Harvie. It was very refreshing to hear trans-oriented humor from the trans-perspective.

Along with the dress, I wore black mist pantyhose and my black patent slingback open toe platform shoes (photo above). I received a few compliments about my outfit and more about my legs!

"How To Get Dolled-Up?" Is the Question

Saturday, I will attend One Big Event, a benefit dinner-dance for the Hartford Gay and Lesbian Health Collective. I attended last year and had a wonderful time and look forward to attending again.

The big attraction for this girl is that formal attire is encouraged! It does not take much effort to encourage me to get all dolled up; I just have to decide how to get dolled up.

Since the vast majority of One Big Event attendees did not go to Fantasia Fair, I plan to wear one of the cocktail dresses I premiered in Provincetown last month: either the charcoal portrait collar dress or the purple disco dot trapeze dress.

Now I just have to make up my mind!

rent the runway

Back in the fall, when I was looking for a dress to wear to the formal I attended in November, I received an e-mail inviting me to visit a new web site called Rent the Runway.

The concept of Rent the Runway (RTR) is to rent (not buy) designer gowns off the fashion runway to wear to a formal, semi-formal or whatever event you desired. You pick the dress you wanted for the date you wanted and RTR mailed it to you in two sizes, in case the size you originally picked does not fit. After the event, you mail the dresses back using a prepaid mailing package.

This made perfect sense to me.

I have a small collection of formal and semi-formal dresses that I only wore once or twice and that I will probably never wear again. Going the RTR route, I could rent a designer gown, wear it to an event, shock and awe the other attendees, then send it back the morning after (RTR takes care of the dry cleaning).

The rental fees are reasonable considering the original price tag of the dresses (a price I could ill afford unless I was buying my wedding gown). For example, I could rent the Diane von Furstenberg (my favorite designer) dress pictured above for $75; its retail price is $625.

I perused the dress selection and there were lots of dresses calling my name, so I signed up and picked out a dress to wear to my November formal. Then, I sadly discovered that RTR's dress selection only goes up to Size 12. Close, but no cigar. Maybe if I lose a few more pounds and have a few ribs removed... nevermind.

So, RTR was not for me, but if you are a Size 12 or smaller, it might be a good deal for you.

last night

I am not in any pain, but I can feel my calf muscles when I walk today, which is a pleasant reminder that I danced the night away in four-inch heels.

My feet feel fine, but it probably would have been different if I had not made a fashion adjustment before leaving to go out last night to attend One Big Event, the annual fund-raiser for the Hartford Gay and Lesbian Health Collective.

I originally planned to wear a pair of strappy sandals. My toes suffered dearly the one time I wore them out a few years ago, so I stretched the toe straps all week long. It did not help.

After wearing them for a half hour before departing last night, my toes were hurting. I took the sandals off and a purple welt was developing near the base of my big toe on my right foot, so I decided to find a different pair of shoes to wear.

I chose my new sling-back open-toe black patent pumps with a four-inch heel that I bought at Payless last month and it was a wise choice. They were comfortable the entire evening and they were nice looking, too.

(The photo above shows me before and after the fashion adjustment.)

I arrived at the Hartford Hilton at 6PM, found the banquet hall and checked in. There were about 300 people in attendance. Males dominated the attendees at about a 5 to 1 ratio. There were about ten trans girls in attendance and most of us sat at the same table with our SOs and allies.

Everyone was dressed to kill. Some women wore evening gowns, but the majority wore dresses in various styles, so I did not feel at all out of place in my cocktail dress.

Except for my trans friends and the couple whose wedding I attended in September, I knew no one else in attendance, so I mingled with the people I knew and people-watched the people I did not know.

I noticed that I was the object of others who were people-watching; that could be a good thing or a bad thing. No one laughed at me or gave me a dirty look, so maybe it was mostly a good thing.

Robin, who convinced me to attend the event, took the nice photo (right) of me seated at our table, where we had salad, a chicken dinner, and dessert. It was the first time I ever had a cupcake for dessert at this sort of event; it was very tasty.

After dining, there was an auction (to which I paid no attention), a comedian, who was amusing, but not laugh-out-loud funny (in my opinion), and then the music began with a great live band. I danced about 1 out of 3 songs, not because I did not want to dance, but because I lacked a partner. Near the end, I just danced with a group of trans girls and had a great time.

During one dance, the event photographer made a special effort to shoot photos of me dancing. I will have to watch the Health Collective's web site for photos.

I had a wonderful time last night and felt very pleased with myself. Did I forget to mention that when I got on the scale yesterday morning, I discovered that I had lost ten pounds during the past two months? I was very pleased indeed.

tonight

I am all dolled up and ready to attend a semi-formal/formal tonight.

The advertisement for the event reads "Formal Attire Encouraged," while a past attendee informed me that it is really a "semi-formal" event, yet all the photos I've seen of the event show women in long formal gowns.

No matter, I am wearing a darling, knee-length sleeveless black A-line cocktail dress with goldtone beading along its wide neckline. Black strappy sandals with 4-inch stiletto heels adorn my feet, a gold bracelet graces my wrist, and gold chandelier earrings hang from my earlobes. A gold sequins purse and a black sheer scarf with gold decor complete my ensemble.

The majority of attendees will be civilians with only a handful of trans-people, so I am looking forward to another new experience en femme.

I promise a full report and photos soon.

shopping

(updated below)

I exchanged e-mails with Patty, my de facto fashion consultant, on Friday and she was not too happy with my choice of dress for the formal I will be attending next month. She liked the dress (a Mad Men retro style sheath), but she did not think it was formal enough for a formal.

I agreed and began looking around for something else.

Jessica London sent me an e-mail that resulted in a 40% discount on one item, so I looked around their Web site and found a dress that both Patty and I thought was perfect for the event. It is a simple black A-line with goldtone beading along the neckline (see photo above). I ordered the dress and await its delivery.

I need shoes to go with the dress, so I checked out the Payless Web site and found some likely candidates. I know my local Payless restocks on Tuesday, so I planned to go there at lunch time to shop.

I am getting wiser in my old age. In anticipation of my Payless visit, I put on a pair of knee-highs and wore them to work under my socks and I took off my socks before I drove to Payless.

I know that Payless has peds in the store, but I dislike having to remove my socks to put on peds in the store if the store is busy. I don't want to attract a lot of attention. Trying on heels is attention-getting enough, but removing socks and putting on the peds just adds more potential attention-getting time, so I came prepared with knee-highs on and socks off. As it turned out, I was the only customer in the store.

Payless had one pair in stock in my size that I liked when I saw it online, a stacked peep-toe slingback (see photo below). I tried it on and it fit perfectly, so I bought it.

Payless is having a buy-one and get-one half-off promotion, but there was no other shoe that I liked that fit. The cashier reminded me of the promotion when I cashed out and I told her that I could not find anything else.

She then informed me that they will be restocking this afternoon and if I bring back my receipt, I can still take advantage of the promotion if I find anything else that I like.

Online, they showed a pair of gold strappy sandals that I thought would go perfect with my dress, so I will go back tomorrow and see what they have.

A local trans Halloween party is in the works for the 29th and I plan to go as a Roaring Twenties flapper. I already have a dress that will do: a gold sequins short-sleeved tunic. All I need is accessories, so after shopping at Payless, I visited the party store next door and purchased everything I needed: a black feathered flapper headpiece, a black garter, a six-foot long black boa, and two long strings of beads.

Woo woo!
UPDATE: I went back to Payless on Wednesday and they had nothing new in the Amazonian sizes I wear.

a formal in my future

I will be attending a formal, black tie affair this fall.

One Big Event is a "benefit celebration" for the Hartford Gay and Lesbian Health Collective. The event will be held on November 14 at the Hilton Hotel in downtown Hartford.

Some of my trans friends are attending and asked me to join them. This is a big local event and besides the GLBT crowd, there usually are local politicians and celebrities in attendance.

Like I said, it is a formal affair and I have "nothing" to wear. That is not true; I just have to decide what to wear from the "Staci Collection." I have a couple of vintage items I have never worn out and I am seriously considering wearing them. Then again, something new and to-die-for may come along and catch my attention

I have a lot of time to make up my mind!