Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend! Part 2

By Norah Blucher

So when we last parted, I had just completely lost my mind and decided that I would ski en femme, had never tried it and did not even know anyone who had. I had nevertheless made up my mind to do it.

Look Out Michaela Schiffrin!

Okay, so I’m most definitely NOT Michaela Schiffrin. I will never be as gorgeous as her, nor will I ever achieve her level of skill in a million years. Nevertheless, I am still a rather competent skier. I’m a bit slow and not out to race anyone, but can hold my own on steep slopes, bump fields or through glades of trees.

Now my ski mate has met Norah, but I had never let on that she was about to become a ski bunny. My original plan was to show up one day and find him on the slopes, but he was unable to make it that day and I was all alone, but that worked out for the best. It actually took a few runs to get the hang of everything.

Before long however I was zipping around and having a grand time. I checked a few times and my makeup was holding up well and no one acted like anything was amiss with me at all. Just another girl out on the slopes. 

I had been texting with my ski mate that day and he noted that it sounded like I was having a fun day. Not being able to contain it any longer, I noted that Norah always has a great time. He seemed a bit confused and asked “Norah skis?????”

This is what I sent to my ski mate, LOL

And that was just my first day. With the season at a close, I racked up 17 days of skiing in various places, 11 of those as Norah! It has absolutely been one of the most bloody amazing experiences and in many ways, has added a side to Norah that I never could have imagined and it has also been a learning experience for sure.

Winter Can Be Rough

I was absolutely amazed how well my makeup has held up on multiple trips, but I’ve also discovered that though the bottle may say “Infallible” or “Long Wear,” it clearly has limits. I’ve noted limited transfer to goggles or masks, but one particularly bad day had me skiing down slopes into gale force winds with a lot of snow blowing up. Needless to say, it quite literally sand-blasted the makeup off of my exposed nose and one cheek.

If it happens to me, it is happening to other girls, too, and all that is needed is a little extra to touch up at the end of the day. It happens to us all and no ski girl is going to look at you funny if your makeup is a bit off.

Warmer Than Usual

We all seem to notice being warmer en femme and skiing is no different. For me, it is partly to do with the fact that Norah now has much better and newer kit than the male she sometimes impersonates, but the padding helps, too. A silicone bum pad means you do not get a cold bum on the chair lift!

En femme I actually wear less layers, even when it is right frigid out and completely enjoy this.

Passing is Easy!

Did I just say that? Passing? Easy? Yes I certainly did! Despite what you see in movies, few women are rocking skin tight ski wear. A woolly layer or two, ski pants, a jacket, helmet, goggles, not a lot is exposed. Even with goggles off, just your face shows. Combine that with my plait or pony tail hanging down my back or over my shoulder and no one really notices anything. Well, except maybe for the times I’ve encountered “admirers.”

Yes, I guess that lone middleaged females are not predominate on ski hills. That and the fact that I go into glades and un-groomed areas. This apparently adds a hotness factor in some blokes’ eyes and has made for some interesting and funny experiences.

On one day a group of three (two blokes and a girl) came from behind me and my male ski mate as we made our way down a bumpy glade. The girl and one bloke passed us, but the other came right up next to me and stopped. I waved him ahead and he waved me on instead. I went ahead a ways and stopped and he was right there next to me again!

Now my male ski mate was just a bit ahead of me, saw what was happening and the dirty bugger took off and left me! I guess I don’t blame him. We’re not a couple for sure and he wanted no part of this.

After the third time this bloke stopped next to me, I figured he was not getting the hint. I made my way to the side of the trail and told him to go on and he just waved me on. He clearly wanted my attention and I did think it was a bit sweet in a way, but I’m not into men and this was getting rather annoying. I gave him a stern look, pointed at him, then pointed down the trail and he finally got the hint and took off.

At the bottom of the trail, his two mates were waiting with mine and when he got to them, they asked what took so long and he made a lame excuse about a lady up the trail having trouble and he wanted to make sure she was okay. My male mate finally spoke up and said that she was fine and they took off.

Another time I was on my own going down a rather burned-out trail. Cover was getting thin and I had to make my way around a right many bare patches and stumps, but I love these challenging trails.

Near the end, a bloke passed me without much fanfare and a few minutes later, at the bottom, near the connector trail, I noted him waiting, watching me and also looking up the hill. As I passed by he gave me a big smile, waved and said “nice job!”

I turned around as I passed him and noted he was apparently waiting for a little toddler size human 300 meters or so up the trail, making their way down. Now I do not pretend to know his intentions, nor do I want to assume, but I just shook my head and carried on as it seemed to me like he had left this child behind to get a better look at me!

I did sort of look cute that day. Maybe I would have followed me too, LOL.

There was even one day, late in the afternoon that things were rather quiet. On a busy day, they will pair you up with groups of strangers so as not to send an empty chair up, but on a slow day, you can ride alone for all they care, which is often the case for me. It, therefore, was a bit of a surprise to me when only me and another cheeky bloke were approaching the chair lift and he asked if he could ride up with me! I said yes and he was very polite and chatty on the ride up.

All said though, no one gave me any trouble and these type of events are affirming in a way. I have noted a more friendly attitude of other women towards me as well. I’ve noted other females being a bit more chatty on a lift or much less hesitant to ask directions if they are not familiar with an area. Even with my helmet and jacket off,in the various pubs and restaurants that dot ski hills, I’ve had females sitting next to me ask about my food, compliment my nails and what not. 

The Odd Couple

As femulators, we often seem to sometimes have female friends, but I do not note many stories from others about being with male mates while en femme and I must say it is an interesting experience for sure.

Once when we had not been on a hill for long, we came upon a group of male snowboarders. We stopped next to them and my mate asked what trails were good. Skiers are a right friendly bunch and we chatted a bit. Then they asked where we were from. As two males, we are often asked in such situations where each of us is from, but in this case, they just asked my male mate where “we” were from, assuming us to be a couple. I also noted that as a lone female, males would talk to me more. When accompanied by my male ski mate, blokes might say hi to me, but will predominantly talk to my male mate.

I am indeed very fortunate to have such a mate as we had a good laugh about this later. We are not sure if they read me and probably did not we assume, but either way, he cares little what others think. We have been mates a long time. I’m very happy out as Norah, and that is all that matters to him. I am lucky to have such a mate indeed... even if he did ditch me with that other bloke, LOL.

In many ways though, I’ve gotten really great feedback in these situations I could not normally get. So often we are guessing if we pass, but skiing with my mate, I have actually confirmed I have passed to many.

My mate is rather well known on a few hills. As male, I’m less well recognized alone, but if we were together as males, I would instantly be familiar.

Now, after seeing my mate for years with only other males and some knowing he has a longtime lady in his life, his sudden appearance with a strange blonde has attracted some attention in his life. I’ve been asked about, but no one recognized me as my male self. In most cases, if they were told the truth (we’ve let a few know), they were genuinely surprised to learn I was male, even after having conversations with them!

I think the best comment ever was when my ski mate was chatting with one such person a few days after meeting Norah. The other bloke was told the truth and he was floored and commented something to the effect of “I was killing it as a trans girl.” I’ve received many compliments before, but this is one of my favorites.

Après Life

After a day of skiing, many enjoy a bit of time socializing and it too has been a wonderful experience en femme. This was not something male me did much of, but even after a long cold day, I feel much more energy en femme and am a much more social creature as Norah.

I’d long envied how many women will remove their damp ski pants after a day on the slopes and put on a type of quilted skirt over their leggings. I purchased one and find it to be heaven on earth to roam the lodge with my furry boots. You didn’t think skirts were going to be involved in skiing did you? I’ve actually worn this out and about town and into stores on my long drives home as well. They are such a cute way to wear leggings, provide a bit of extra warmth and also give a bit of extra coverage we need that prevents many of us from wearing leggings.

Anyway, some hills still operate the lodge as a restaurant and bar after the lifts close and some even provide entertainment or have outdoor bonfires and dance parties and I’ve enjoyed it all with much delight. I’m not sure if it is a good sign or means I stand out, but one place even knows Norah by name after a few visits and fondly greets her upon entry!

At one time, I noted an auction was occurring at the end of the day and promptly registered. Most items were bidding too rich for my blood, but I did not go home empty-handed and went away with a pair of handmade earrings I was highest bidder on. 

A Deal Too Good to Resist

I had been feeling for a while that the first pair of skis I had bought a few years ago did not truly fit my style if skiing and was contemplating a new pair. As the end of the season approached, I noted some smashing sales of 50% off and could not resist. I went into the ski store at the lodge and a friendly girl greeted me and asked what I was looking for. After a few questions, she took me over to a rack of women’s skis to show me her recommendations. 

She noted that her girls who like racing preferred one particular pair, but the more recreational girls liked a different pair and found them to be light and lively and could handle almost anything. I took this all in and needed some time to consider, but returned the next week and followed up on her recommendation. After another girl at the sales counter helped me pick out matching bindings. I headed out an hour later with my new skis.

And yes, clothing was going on sale, too, so I bought a more colorful and un-insulated jacket for spring, LOL.

I ran into the ski store lady a few times that weekend and again on another trip and she always excitedly asked how everything was working out. After the third or fourth time, she asked, I gave her a big hug and told her they were the most fabulous skis I had ever used yet and meant it. I think this made her day.

So Many Lessons Learned

I had not known what to expect when I started all this. I really just thought I’d ski as a girl and not much else beyond that I guess, but I got so much more than I expected.

I’ve been out a lot and sometimes to the same place a time or two, but never to this level. As I repeatedly returned to familiar places, I discovered that Norah was becoming an accepted and welcome visitor. The ski hill staff, hotels and inns, even some off hill restaurants remembered me and welcomed me back. There was definitely a warmer friendliness among other females, but with blokes as well. At one place, with my male ski mate, he noted to me that one particular barkeep used a different tone when speaking to females and did so to me as well. He might not have even realized he did this and it was not creepy or anything, just a subtle softening of his voice and being a little less blunt with his words around women.

And not just staff at places you pay to stay or eat either. At other times, if there was an event going on or something, I noted that if I stopped to watch, other females would approach me to chat. I cannot be certain if I was ever read or not, but I never noted anyone changing their stance toward me either. Once I was brought into the group, whether I was read or not, no one ever made an effort to shoo me away either. I was just accepted as one of the girls.

And I do not suspect this was just out of politeness either. As I became known as a regular, women seemed to take notice of me and become more chatty after repeated visits. I even ran into one such woman at a ski lodge store and after recognizing each other and catching up a few minutes, we helped each other pick out socks, LOL.

This was all a level of immersion into the world of women I had not expected and certainly not on ski slopes of all places, but it was eye opening and felt rather wonderful. We often go out and interact with the world, but it is much less common for many of us that we get to truly see our femme personality blossom and discover the woman we have always wanted to be and have it so readily accepted by others. It becomes less about going out and more about living life. It has made me ponder a lot too.

As people, we often bond with others over common interests. I’ve had good experiences at stores, eating out, etc, but we all do that as people. They are life necessities in many regards. Doing something you like around others who like it too creates much more opportunity for connections over these shared interests. I’m not sure what will come next for me, but it has made me think right hard about other paths I can head down in my femme life that I might have never felt possible before.

Hanging Up My Skis for Now

So loves, quite a lot here, but I wanted to finish out the ski season to see how it all worked out before sharing with you all. I hope I did not disappoint and am now anxiously awaiting what next season will bring!

As always, questions and comments are welcome below or you can email me at nblucher at-sign proton dot me. I’d love to hear about some not so common things you may have done en femme and I think everyone else would, too!

Wearing Elágia

John Hurt femulating in the 1975 British film The Naked Civil Servant.

Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend! Part 1

By Norah Blucher

I’m sure this phrase is a right familiar one to most here, but I’m not here to discuss jewelry today. No loves, I’m referring to skiing, and the trail rating system on ski hills, where one or two black diamonds denotes the more difficult trails or terrain one might traverse on their way down. And while I have an affinity for diamonds that many a girl shares, the black ones actually have a more significant meaning to me.

You see, I skied a bit as a child, but only went once or twice as an adult many years ago. That was until I suddenly found myself divorced and immersed in a toxic work situation from which I needed an escape more than I knew. So when a mate of mine asked if I wanted to go skiing, I agreed and found a new sense of freedom very much akin to what I feel going out en femme. Yet I always believed the two to be mutually exclusive, thinking the idea of skiing as female a rather preposterous one and often choosing if I would spend the weekend en femme or on the ski slope.

That was until one day in a moment when I must have been swept up in a state of pure madness, I decided to combine both worlds. Yes, yours truly set out to ski en femme!

It Started with a Jacket

Not too long ago I wrote about a ski trip with a sister of mine where we met as our male selves. It was smashing for sure, but left me thinking more than ever about being a female skier. On the way home from that trip, I even found a women’s ski parka, which got me wondering if I could really do this. Shopping aficionado I am, I began to explore this more, and was pleasantly surprised with what I found.

I’ve long noted what fabulous options are out there in the world of women’s ski attire. The sky’s the limit when it comes to colors and styles. What pleasantly surprised me however were the sales. Male ski attire changes seemingly little year-to-year. End of season sales occur for sure, with somewhat modest results.

Female ski attire was completely opposite. Colors and styles change yearly with many companies. Many make matching jackets, pants, gloves, etc., and at the end of the year, it gets deeply discounted. Up to 70% off was to be found, especially if one is okay with a color or pattern from two seasons ago. 

I started things off with a pair of light aqua/seafoam pants to test the waters a bit and thought I could get away with the rest of my male kit (gloves, helmet, etc.) to start. That was the plan, at least.

When the pants arrived, I tried them on with shapewear, was rather impressed and saw before me the image of a rather stylish female ready for winter, at which point I went a bit nuts.

Before I knew it, coordinating gloves, backpack and neck warmer were on the way and I was driving around looking for a new helmet. Needing something to wear under everything, some new female woolies were needed and not to be forgotten was something to put on afterward as well, as no fashionable female skier should be expected to après in her damp ski attire from her day on the slopes.

Many female skiers have styles and colors not much different than blokes and in full winter kit, it is actually hard to tell a male from a female at a distance. Now spandex race-type suits, cheetah or zebra print onesies, or hot pink styles can all be had for sure, but these are not exactly me either. Hot ski bunny was not something I was out to attempt.

In the end, I opted for something decidedly female, but comfortable and respectable for a woman my age. I had the black jacket, aqua pants, white helmet  and a black floral set of matching gloves, neck tube and backpack. All loose enough to allow freedom of movement, but still give me a distinctly female shape.

When all was said and done, I had a very complete set of kit, only maintaining my boots, skis and poles from my male kit. These can absolutely be obtained in female versions in very girly colors, but many, many women have ones that look identical to males’ and all of mine is in very neutral black tones, so I saw no reason to get crazier than I already did.

Foundations

Simultaneous to my spending spree on ski attire was the nagging question of shapewear and makeup to answer. Shapewear proved to be quite easy, while makeup was decidedly more challenging.

For shapewear, I opted for my normal bra and silicone breast forms. I’d thoughts of experimenting with sports bras and still may, but find they flatten you out a bit, whereas I am trying to accentuate what is barely there, LOL. I also utilized one of my everyday pairs of spandex type shorts with pockets for bum and hip pads and found it easy to move in and give me the shape I needed

What I did expunge from my usual attire was the waist cincher. I was out to actually ski for real, not just waltz around and look pretty and still needed to move and breathe. With a few winter layers, I found that everything looked good enough without it and my middle was hidden well enough.

Makeup involved more radical changes. As a domestic femulator, I always opted for whaever washed off easiest. When I got out, I started utilizing more waterproof varieties, but still found they would rub off if I was not careful and now I was looking to head out in cold wet conditions, take goggles on and off, etc., and wondered how this would all work out.

A bit of research, however, revealed a lot of information out there on ski makeup. I’m far from the first girl to hit the slopes in full makeup. I even discovered one former female Olympian skier who always competed in full makeup, even though her team mates and opponents teased her for it and was now developing her own line of ski cosmetics.

Not much changed with my look in the end except that I had a complete set of highly waterproof everything! Long wear 32-hour foundation, crème eyeshadow and I decided the felt tip liquid eye liner I usually used for evening wear was going to be the most tenacious I could get, being that it takes a bit to wash off when I actually want it off.

The real game changer was the discovery of fixing spray. I was told about it from one of my sisters and heard it mentioned on the ski forums as well. I purchased some from MAC and was highly impressed with it.

Think of fixing spray or setting spray as hair spray for makeup. You put everything on, then mist your face with the spray and it keeps everything in place. I experimented at home and found that it did its job well and held everything rather firmly in place. With summer approaching, I was glad to have found it to keep things from melting like an ice cream cone in the summer sun as well.

The final decision was to choose a wig. I found the shorter one left me with fewer styling options and leaving it down would quickly cause tangles with helmets, goggles, hoods, etc. My long wig actually worked fabulously when done up in an off-center side plait or pony tail and would add a decidedly feminine touch to everything, while keeping everything neat and tangle free.

Still a Bit in the Dark for Sure

Despite all I had purchased and learned, I still felt a right bit in the dark though. While the internet is wonderfully ripe with information on T-Girls, CDing, etc., there was a decided dearth of information on any of this while skiing. Swim costumes, beachwear, ball gowns, driving, flying, you name it, there is info out there on it... but not skiing. Seems skiing en femme has not been discussed much and I only found one forum with someone who says they did it with no other information, and a brief YouTube video with a girl who did it seemingly more to try it with a latex mask than anything. I must say the unknown of it all was a bit scary. 

Nevertheless, I had come this far, and was not going to stop now. It was something I had to try, and if I wanted to try it. There had to be others out there as well, so maybe I could pave the way for someone else and have an exciting time in the process. As I looked at my schedule to see when I could ski next, I picked a date and decided that would be the day and anxiously awaited its arrival.

Getting Out!

When the big day arrived my first challenge, however, was not even on the ski slope, but just getting out of the house. If you recall, I share a driveway with my neighbors, and have never left my house en femme. While I very often return home en femme, it is in darkness.

With skiing, I’m not on a work trip and places to stay can be costly if one can even be found, as sometimes they are booked solid. I needed a way to do this from home.

I decided upon leaving home half dressed. I did my makeup, put on shapewear and woolies, then donned a male jacket with a hood and pants. With the addition of sunglasses, someone would have to be right close to me to notice a clearer complexion and rosy cheeks. It actually worked fabulously. The drive to the ski hill was a few hours from my house and about 20 minutes from home I pulled into an abandoned shopping center, donned my ski pants and vest, put on my wig, applied my lipstick and was off!

The Lodge

Arriving at the ski lodge, I parked, gathered my skis and other kit and headed in. I’m not sure why, but I was a bit nervous on this, I guess because of the unknown. I’d conquered waltzing into a mall, restaurant or hotel in a skirt and heels months ago, but this was all new! Would this be taken as a joke, would anyone notice. I wondered a lot of things as I headed in.

In the end, no one seemed to notice at all. I went in, found an empty table, changed my boots, doned my jacket and helmet, transferred some things to my back pack and stowed my ski bag. All I had to do now was get out there!

What Next?

And just as I anxiously awaited my femme ski debut, you too will have to wait to hear about it! LOL. The limits of your suspense will be determined by Stana, but I promise you it will be worth the wait for sure.

Until then, questions or comments are welcome below, or you can email me at nblucher at-sign proton dot me.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Jean Carmet femulating in the 1987 French film Miss Mona.

Stuff 70: Being Inspired

By J.J. Atwell

Inspired to Dress Better

I’ve mentioned before that I’ve been a member of a local CD group for a few years now. I’ve found that to be immensely helpful in my ability to present a femme image. 

“How so?” you ask. 

Simply because I see how others dress, how they look and act n person, not just in carefully selected photos. I learn different things from each of them that help me identify areas where I can improve. 

I know that finding and joining a local CD group is difficult for many. I suggest that you make the effort to do so, though. The result will be worth it for you. You’ll find kindred spirits. Inspiration. Opportunities. Doors will open. New experiences will present themselves. Your closet will enlarge. 

The Girls Know

Somewhere in a movie (or tv show) I watched many years ago there was a brief story line that goes as follows. (Sorry for the pun to follow. No, actually I’m not. I love puns.) At any rate, the scene is back stage at a Las Vegas night club and the (male) managers are talking about the showgirls’ costumes and how expensive they are. At some point, one of the guys asks why they spend so much money for silk underwear for the showgirls since the audience can’t see the underwear. 

The response was “The girls know.” Yes, it encourages them to move in a graceful, feminine way. That’s what the audience will see. The attitude. Remember that when you are out dressed. You know how the clothes feels and you will project that image more realistically. Remember, CDing is about more than just the clothes. It’s in your mind as well!

Another Letter

In what I hope is a neat segue into topic... I’ve mentioned in past posts about emails I get from readers. This one came from Daisy who asks if I have a favorite brand of panties. She loves the Maidenform and Vanity Fair brands. I must admit that I have tried them and several other brands, but my personal preference is Soma. 

I can’t say it’s a very extensive comparison though. I like that the Soma underwear I buy has a rubberized strip around the waist and leg openings so that they stay in place and don’t ride up. I prefer the brief style of panties and don’t want them to turn into thongs! But that’s just my preference and perhaps it’s TMI. You need to do some experimenting on your own to find out what works best for you. 

I’ll Be Back

As always comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff so if there is something you would like to read about please let me know!

Wearing Akris

Jacob Derwig femulating in the 2002 Dutch film Zus & Zo.

Clothes Make the Man

 

Saturday Afternoon at the Movies

Christopher Morley: Femulating Superstar

In May 2008, I wrote about actor Christopher Morley, “who femulated in films, television shows, and even the pages of Playboy during the last half of the last century. Morley passed and definitely was not a guy in a dress like some of the femulators you see in films and on television. He was thin, pretty, and had one of the best femulated voices I have ever heard.”

In a follow-up blog post, we wondered what had become of Christopher Morley. I researched the matter and could not find anything recent; Morley's last known appearance (according to IMDB) was on an episode of the TV series Roseanne in December 1995.

Three years after that post, out of the blue, I received an e-mail from Christopher Morley!

He wrote how he had never heard of the expression “femulate” before and that he loved it adding that femulate was “so much more accurate than ‘female impersonator,’” which he never cared for and “drag queen,” which he loathed.

He also e-mailed me his publicity photo (above) from the 1980s when he was a celebrity illusionist at the at the La Cage aux Follies supper club in Los Angeles.

Needless to say, I was flabbergasted to receive an e-mail from a celebrity, especially one who inspired me to femulate and actualize the woman I am today.

Sadly, Christopher Morley died on November 2, 2023, at the age of 72.

Wearing Boston Proper

Stana as Marilyn

Aisle Seat Dreams

By Monika Kowalska

I’ve always been fascinated by air hostesses.

As a child, I watched them walk through airport terminals with an elegance I could only dream of. They moved like they belonged to a world just slightly above ours, a realm of shiny shoes, rolling suitcases and perfectly tied neck scarves. Their lipstick never smudged. Their hair obeyed gravity. And when they walked down the airplane aisle, they weren’t just serving drinks, they were commanding space. Even turbulence seemed to respect them.

Back then, I didn’t know I was transgender. I just knew I wanted to be an air hostess, whoever she was, whatever her name tag said. I didn’t want to be with the air hostess. I wanted to be the air hostess. And even though I’m now living openly as myself and have embraced so much of the femininity I longed for, there’s still something about seeing a woman in uniform gliding down the aisle of an airplane, that sends a tiny ache right through me.

My best friend, Caroline, is a flight attendant. We’ve been close for a long time, long before either of us imagined where life would take us. While I was struggling with my manhood and dreaming abstract dreams of womanhood, she was already researching airlines, learning about cabin pressure and emergency protocol and practicing her smile in the mirror.

Now, years later, I see her with her wheeled suitcase and flawless bun, her posture a masterclass in confidence. When we meet for coffee between her flights, I sometimes just sit and stare at her, amazed. There’s something inherently cinematic about her job. She’s had layovers in New York, breakfast in Dubai, sunsets in São Paulo. She speaks in airport codes and time zones, and has perfected the art of packing her entire life into a suitcase smaller than my carry-on.

But I’ve also seen the darker side of her world.

I’ve seen her stumble into our café, exhausted after 14 hours in the air, her voice hoarse from dry cabin air, her patience frayed by a passenger who thought “Please fasten your seatbelt” was a personal attack. I’ve seen the toll the irregular hours take on her sleep, the way she struggles with jet lag that doesn’t just knock you out, it disorients your very sense of where and who you are. I’ve seen her cry from missing birthdays and holidays. I’ve watched her stretch her legs because she’s been on her feet for hours, serving meals and de-escalating arguments 35,000 feet in the sky.

And there’s the glamour tax no one talks about, the unspoken, but ever-present pressure to look “presentable.” There are rules about hair, nails, makeup and body. Some airlines still expect “a certain weight range” and offer feedback that wouldn’t pass even the most lenient HR sniff test in any other industry. She once told me only half-jokingly, that you get trained in safety procedures, but hired for your smile.

So I know now that the job isn’t all first-class perks and Instagram-ready views. There are delays, canceled flights, demanding passengers, aching feet and a constant, grinding expectation to be composed. Always composed.

Still, I envy her.

Not because I think I could have handled the job, honestly, I’m not sure I could have. I get motion sickness on bumpy landings and I’m suspicious of hotels that don’t offer complimentary conditioner. And I know it’s too late for me to start down that career path. Airline recruitment isn’t exactly bursting with second chances for middle-aged transwomen who didn’t do their flying hours when they were 20.

But when I board a plane, I still watch the crew. I still notice the way they move down the aisle with quiet authority. I catch a glimpse of my younger self in the reflection of the overhead bin, wide-eyed, longing, still dreaming. And yes, sometimes I’m jealous.

Not because I want the job, but because I still want the feeling. That sense of being part of something elegant and brave, something sky-high and magical. That moment when the wheels lift off the ground and you think, “Anything is possible.”

I may never wear the uniform. I may never memorize the safety demo or do the lipstick check before takeoff. But in another lifetime, I would have walked that aisle as an air hostess.

And maybe, just maybe, I still do, in my dreams.

Monika has been interviewing trans people in her blog, The Heroines of My Life, since 2013. Click here to see who she has interviewed lately.

Wearing BOSS Hugo Boss

Two 1950-era femulators in the 2006 British short Private Life.

AI and Me Again

Commenting on Tuesday’s “AI and Me” post, Lily wrote, “Fascinating! You must start with some reality or is it like drawing a portrait? May we see STANA alongside her avatar please?”

I don’t know what you would call my process, but I simply start with a bare-bones command, for example, “70-year-old balding male wearing glasses, Red Sox T-shirt, jeans, sneakers, in Fenway Park.” 

After AI generates an image according to my initial command, I will examine the image, determine what changes are necessary and send a new command based on those changes.

The first or second command usually is not exactly what I want and I may repeat tweaking the image three, four, five or even more times. (Yesterday’s image of me in the Red Sox T-shirt was a rare one-command success!)

Lily’s wish is my command and the image below is me and my avatar side-by-side. I picked a photo where I was wearing an outfit and hairdo similar to my AI image. However, I had none wearing eyeglasses, so I generated a pair via AI and pasted the eyeglasses onto my photograph.

Wearing Boston Proper

Marius Goring femulating in French television’s The O Agency Files (1968). 

AI and Me

If you have been following along during the past year or so, you know that I have been using Artificial Intelligence (AI) to create images for this blog. I am having a lot of fun in the process and plan to continue using AI ’til the cows come home.

Saturday was a rainy day and I cancelled my plans to do desperately-needed yard work (darn!). Instead, I sat in front of the television watching TCM with my MacBook Pro in my lap. 

As luck would have it, TCM was showing Bulldog Drummond’s Revenge, a 1930’s mystery that I vaguely recall seeing before. And even more vaguely, I seemed to recall that there was some crossdressing in the film. Next thing I knew, one of the bad guys is in full and convincing femulation mode and remained so for the next 10 minutes of the film.

After the film, I began playing with AI on my laptop wondering how well AI would work generating an image of me en homme and en femme. 

I tried en homme first and hit a home run on my first attempt. I was shocked how closely the AI image resembled the real me. My AI image could use a little more hair, but now I was ready to try an image of me en femme.

Not so fast, Big Girl! 

I spent about an hour generating en femme images, but none of them were me. There were two problems: the hairdo and the eyebrows. 

No matter what I tried, I could not get AI to generate the short blonde hairstyles I normally wear. What AI generated were styles that were either too long or too big. I tried a workaround by commanding AI to generate a “very short blonde men’s haircut” and that finally did the trick.

The eyebrows problem had me stumped for a long time. If AI’s output was a female or a male en femme, it insisted on thin, plucked and arched eyebrows. And I don't have thin, plucked and arched eyebrows! Asking for “thick eyebrows” did not work.

I was close to throwing in the towel when I thought that if AI would not give me the eyebrows I wanted, I would hide the eyebrows it wanted. Eyeglasses should do the trick and when I added eyeglasses to my AI command, voila! that solved the problem. (Although most of my photos don’t show it, I do wear eyeglasses much of the time that I am en femme.)

The images below are the results. 

In my opinion, the en homme image is so good that it is scary, while the en femme image is close and maybe a cigar.

Wearing Tory Burch

Frank Puglia femulating in the 1937 film Bulldog Drummond’s Revenge.