What’s “feminine” anyway?

I am on vacation this week, so instead of new original content each day, I will post old original content, also known as "The Best of Femulate."

Man Carrying Purse

Whenever I recount my trans biography (like at outreach), I usually mention that as a youngster, I participated in sports (baseball and football) and played "boy games" (cowboys, war, spacemen, etc.). I felt that I was a typical boy and I enjoyed doing "boy things," unlike many of my trans sisters, who as children, hated "boy things" and preferred "girl things."

I also mention in my bio that despite my participation and enjoyment of those boy things, other boys called me names like "sissy," "fairy," "faggot," etc., which indicated to me that I was not necessarily all the boy I thought I was.

This was not just a case of bullies using random offensive names to raise my ire. Even a few of my friends told me that I was not acting like a boy at a 100% level and that I should do something about it.

I wondered if there was something in my mannerisms or speech that caused their reaction? I was not intentionally acting or speaking in an affected manner. Rather, I was speaking and acting in my natural manner, which I did not feel was feminine.

The fact that even friends told me that something was amiss indicated that something really was amiss, but I was clueless. I had no idea what I had to do differently to be more boy-like. So, I continued acting the same way I always acted and if someone called me a name, I hit them with my purse.

Even in high school, college, and law school, I occasionally ran into guys, who commented on my particular flavor of masculinity, but I just shrugged them off and kept on truckin'. By then, I was crossdressing in secret and only coming out en femme for Halloween including an appearance in drag at a Halloween party in law school.

I will never forget a friend of mine at that party telling me that he never realized how feminine my speaking and mannerisms were until he saw me in drag. He indicated that my female costume was a perfect fit for my normal mannerisms and speech.

After mentioning this story at outreach one time, one of the students said that my mannerisms were feminine and that my friends and acquaintances had been in the ballpark in their estimation of me.

Yet, nothing has changed. I still do not affect a feminine persona. I still act naturally and no differently whether in boy mode or girl mode.

I admit that I do try to walk more like a woman when I am en femme and I talk more softly when I femulate, but most of what you get is the genuine me. And I am not changing a thing.

 

 

 

Femulating contestant performing during the talent competition at the Covington County (Mississippi) Hospital womanless beauty pageant, 2012.

 

 

 

Wearing Lover (dress) and Rebecca Minkoff (bag).

Just Like Me

I am feminine. This is not something I developed over the years --- I have been feminine all my life.

Being feminine came naturally to me. I did not intentionally choose to be feminine; I just acted naturally, but society categorized my natural act as feminine.

I did not have an inkling that I was feminine until an older boy told me I needed to stop acting like a girl and to man up for my own good. I rejected the boy's assessment and continued to act naturally and as a result, suffered the slings and arrows of my peers, who called me such names as sissy, twinkie, fairy, faggot, homo, etc.

And worse, I was so blind to my own femininity that when I saw it in other guys, I assumed that they were gay because that was the stereotype for gay males that I had learned.

As I grew older and wiser, I realized I was feminine and really a girl at heart. I also learned that my stereotype for gay males was wrong. Gay males can be (or appear to be) as masculine as heterosexual males. I also learned that heterosexual males can be feminine... just like me.

And I just came to the realization recently that the feminine male friends and acquaintances that over the years I branded as gay were not necessarily gay, but may have been transgender... just like me.

 

Professional femulator April Carrión.

 

 

 

Wearing Allison Parris.

End of Feminine

Jenifer asked, "What do you think will become of femulate, when there is nothing female left to emulate. We all seem to be in jeans and T-shirts these days. As a 40-something girl, I find it very had to pass or blend in with my female counterparts as they are either slobs in leggings and baggy tops or trying hard to be 18 again in skinny jeans and crop tops.  A few of my female friends don't even own a dress or skirt. There is just no elegance left."

I guess this is where we separate the girls from the boys who just want to dress like girls.

The boys who just want to dress like girls will continue to seek out and wear the feminine styles from the last century. In the future, it may become difficult to buy those styles off the rack and the boys will have to resort to buying from specialty shops to buy their dresses, skirts and shoes just like the sissy crowd does today.

On the other hand, the girls will dress like cisgender girls no matter what cisgender girls are wearing. That is, to a point; tastes vary and some girls will not wear certain styles no matter how popular they may be. And whether all girls will abandon "feminine" styles completely remains to be seen.

Personally, I have yet to femulate in jeans and a baggy top because I seldom femulate in scenarios calling for very casual wear. However, if I lived full-time as a girl, I am sure jeans and baggy tops would be a part of my wardrobe.

And for what it is worth, I have shopped for women's jeans, but could not find any that fitted properly. Also, I do own and wear woman's slacks in a variety of styles, so I do not shun bifurcated womenswear per se.

 

   

Actor Sean Bean femulates in British television’s Accused, 2012.

 

Wearing Equipment (sweater), Current/Elliott (pants), Rag & Bone (belt),
Diane von Furstenberg (shoes) and Golden Lane (clutch).

Scent of a Woman

I wrote here on Friday about my first aid training class and how the instructor picked me to help him demonstrate the modified chest thrust.

Before proceeding, he asked, "You don't mind if I have a little fun with you?"

"I don't mind," I said.

He began, "Instead of using the abdominal thrust on this student, we will use the modified chest thrust because he is eight-months pregnant."

I was taken aback by his "little fun," but went along with it and tried to act amused.

***

Commenting on my story, Pat wrote, "...the instructor may have been picking up a feminine vibe or aura from you in selecting you for the 'pregnancy' demonstration."

I had the exact same thoughts, but I did not write about it because I felt that it was a little too farfetched. Now I'm thinking maybe not.

All my life, I have given off feminine vibes.

It is not something I do intentionally; it is such an integral part of my natural persona that I don't even realize what I am doing that gives off those vibes.

The proof is in the pudding. As a youth, my peers made it clear to me that I was not a manly boy. Boys called me names, girls would not date me, and gays were interested in me. In high school, one of my teachers (a female) told me I should wear a dress.

I was confused.

Even as an adult, I still give off feminine vibes. Adult males are a little more civilized than teenaged males, so they don't call me names, although a few have. Women often treat me as they would another women and gays are still interested in me.

I am less confused now because I think I figured it out, i.e., I am a woman. So I should not be surprised that the first aid instructor figured it out, too.

My Circumstances

In response to yesterday's post, I received e-mails wondering about how my wife feels about being married to a feminine man.

I have always been feminine. I was a feminine boy, a feminine teenager, and a feminine adult (and I have the scars to prove it).

My wife fell in love with me, a feminine man. She never tried to change me while we were dating, nor during our 30 years of marriage.

Early in our relationship, she encouraged my dressing en femme. She bought me "pink" gifts and suggested I find and join a support group. I flourished as a woman because of my wife.

My wife has a debilitating disease. The disease inflicted her years before we met and I was aware of it going into our marriage.

Over the years, the disease has taken a toll on my wife. As her condition worsened, she became less supportive of my dressing en femme; as her health issues become more burdensome, she wanted to be free of the burden of my transgender issues.

Today, she accepts my need to express my transgenderness by dressing en femme, but she is not happy about it. As a result, I do not dress en femme as often as I would like. I do the best that I can under the circumstances.

I often wonder where I'd be today if her support and encouragement had continued.

On a related note concerning yesterday's post, my desire to "transition" is nothing new. I have felt that way for a few years now, that is, the desire to live 24/7 as a woman.

And my version of "transition" does not involve hormones or surgery; electrolysis would be the only intrusion I would allow to make my body more feminine.

My transition would simply be a matter of replacing my male wardrobe with a female wardrobe and living my life as the woman I was meant to be.

And so it goes. 

In the Meantime

I am ready. I want to transition and start living 24/7 as a woman tomorrow morning. But circumstances prevent this from happening... at least for now.

In the meantime, I will relish every opportunity that comes my way to be en femme.

But what do I do during the time I cannot be en femme? The answer: Be a feminine guy.

I am already feminine in many ways. I often say that I am the most feminine guy most people I know know. But I wondered how I could step it up, that is, be more feminine.

So I searched for an answer and Miss Google revealed a webpage that describes "How to Be a Feminine Guy."

I already follow most of its recommendations to one degree or another. And here are some things that I do that are not on the list:

- Speak softly and carry a big purse

- Wear jewelry: necklaces, bracelets, earrings, etc.

- Paint nails with a clear lacquer

- Wear feminine underwear, that is, panties and camis, or if need be, shapewear (girdles, bras, etc.)

- Use feminized mannerisms, specifically, carriage, posture, and hand and arm placement

- Wear female footwear; flats will do, but something with a little heel is even better

- Curl eyelashes and thin eyebrows

- Wear feminine hosiery; knee-highs, tights, and pantyhose (depending on how much leg will show)

So in the meantime, girls, be the most feminine male you can be!

women prefer feminine looking men

Women now prefer feminine looking men over their more rugged counterparts because they no longer need to worry about the survival of the fittest, new research suggests.

Read all about it here.

what's "feminine" anyway?

Whenever I recount my trans biography (like at outreach on Wednesday), I usually mention that as a youngster, I participated in sports (baseball and football) and played "boy games" (cowboys, war, spacemen, etc.). I felt that I was a typical boy and I enjoyed doing "boy things," unlike many trans sisters, who as children, hated "boy things" and preferred "girl things."

I also mention in my bio that despite my participation and enjoyment of those boy things, other boys called me names like "sissy," "fairy," "faggot," etc., which indicated to me that I was not necessarily all the boy I thought I was.

This was not just a case of bullies using random offensive names to raise my ire. Even some of my friends told me that I was not acting like a boy at a 100% level and that I should do something about it.

I wondered if there was something in my speech or mannerisms that caused their reaction? I was not intentionally speaking or acting in an affected manner. Rather, I was speaking and acting in my natural manner, which I did not feel was feminine.

The fact that even friends told me that something was amiss indicated that something really was amiss, but I was clueless. I had no idea what I had to do differently to be more boy-like. So, I continued acting the same way I always acted.

In high school, college, and law school, I occasionally ran into guys, who commented on my particular flavor of masculinity, but just I shrugged them off and kept on truckin'. By then, I was crossdressing in secret only coming out en femme for Halloween including an appearance in drag at a Halloween party in law school*.

I will never forget a friend of mine at that party telling me that he never realized how feminine my speaking and mannerisms were until he saw me in drag. He indicated that my female costume was a perfect fit for my normal speech and mannerisms.

After mentioning this at outreach on Wednesday, one of the students said that my mannerisms were feminine and that my friends and acquaintances had been in the ballpark in their estimation of me.

Yet, nothing has changed. I still do not affect a feminine persona. I still act naturally and no differently whether in boy mode or girl mode.

I admit that I do try to walk more like a woman when I am en femme and I occasionally talk more softly when I femulate, but most of what you get is the genuine me. And I am not changing a thing.

* By the way, I did graduate from law school, but never practiced in that field. (I hated that field.) Instead, I turned to my first love: writing and became a successful professional writer/author.

femulations by Jack Benny

I watched Jack Benny: Comedy in Bloom on PBS last night. It was a documentary about comedian Jack Benny's career.

I enjoyed Jack Benny's television show when I was a kid and I also enjoyed listening to recordings of his radio shows.

Benny had feminine mannerisms and some people claim that he was gay. I dunno about that (I have feminine mannerisms and I am not gay), but I do know that Benny crossdressed on occasion.

He crossdressed in the film Charley's Aunt, which is billed "He's funny enough in pants! In skirts he's terrific!"

I never saw Charley's Aunt and I don't believe it was mentioned in the documentary I watched last night. However, they did show a clip of Benny crossdressing on television, in which he played the Gracie Allen role with George Burns.

His femulation was perfect! Benny was dressed to pass and not for laughs, although he received laughs anyway. And I loved his retro-1950s outfit!

Life as a Tall Girl

From today's New York Times, the story about a woman who is 6-foot-4... and she wears heels!

hard work

Being a woman is hard work.

Being a man being a woman is hard work, too... maybe even harder than a woman being a woman.

Women have a head start with regards to looking like a woman. Their prep time is nothing compared to my prep time. I guess if I was a man being a woman 24/7, my prep time would not be as bad, but it still would be worse than a real woman's prep time.

There's the hair. My prep involves removing a lot and adding not so much. And even a close shave with a new razor still finds me smearing on beard cover to camouflage my face.

There's the body. How many real women have to squeeze into a corset, girdle, and long-line bra to achieve some semblance of a female body? If I want a figure that is at all feminine, I need all that equipment and then there's the matter of hiding some equipment, too.

And there is no equipment that will reduce my Amazonian 6'2" to a Venusian 5'7". Yeah, I know if I didn't wear high heels that might help, but would it? At 6'2", I am taller than 99% of the female population, so what difference will another 3 or 4 inches make (other than make me feel less gorgeous)!

Being a man being a woman is definitely hard work, but I would not give it up for anything! As Oscar Hammerstein II once wrote, "I enjoy being a girl."

"We Like To Be Feminine. So We Don't Wear The Pants"

From TVNewser comes this tidbit:

"The Fox & Friends crew... were immersed in a discussion about pantsuits and Sen. Hillary Clinton when it came time to throw to Ainsley Earhardt who was handling news reader duties.

"Co-anchor Brian Kilmeade asked Earhardt if she ever wore pantsuits herself, and she said she had, but, 'Here at Fox, we like to be feminine. So we don't wear the pants.' Kilmeade wanted to make sure he wasn't misunderstood, though — he is firmly against pantsuits. 'If I was to run for office, I'd run on the pro-skirt platform,' he said."