Sometimes Dreams Come True

Attending Fantasia Fair in 2010, I became friends with

trans advocate Ethan St. Pierre, who received the Fair’s

Virginia Prince Transgender Pioneer Award that year.

I began crossdressing in my teens in the 1960s. Home alone, I dressed, but I was strictly closeted and even missed an opportunity to Halloween crossdress when I refused my best friend’s invitation to be trick or treating girls.

I continued crossdressing as a 20-something throughout the 1970s. I was still closeted, but got up the nerve to Halloween crossdress on three occasions (and had the time of my life doing so).

Along came the November 1980 issue of Playboy containing an article about Fantasia Fair. It was intended to be a humorous piece, often at the expense of the folks attending the Fair. 

Put that aside, I had never heard of Fantasia Fair and the article provided a trans public service by revealing the Fair to me (and to probably hundreds of other girls like me across the USA).

What a dream! And the Fair was on Cape Cod – an easy four-hour drive, so maybe I could attend and live as a woman for a week. But...

👩 It was not free and at the time, I was only making $10,000 per year. 

👩 I was still mostly dressing out of my mother’s closet, so I didn’t have anything close to a wardrobe for a week (and Mom was not likely to let me borrow hers).

👩 I was scared. Except for a handful of Halloween crossdressings, I had never been out among the civilians and I was ill-prepared to spend a week en femme among the population of Provincetown.

So I did not go. 

Attending Fantasia Fair remained a dream for over a quarter of a century until I finally attended in 2008 (and again in 2010, 2012 and 2014). During the ensuing 25 years, I had joined a support group, attended long weekend trans conventions and went out solo en femme among the civilians, so the population of Cape Cod was no longer something to fear. 

I had a fabulous time each time I attended Fantasia Fair. Living 24/7 as a woman was initially thrilling and then became routine, but in a good way. I attended informative workshops, dined on fabulous food, enjoyed beautiful Provincetown and made a lot of friends.

The Fair is this week and I will not be attending, but I have my memories and they are all good.

Caveat Emptor: This post is an edited rerun of a post from last October.

Wearing New York & Company

Donald Dillaway femulating in the 1934 film The Circus Clown (starring Joe E. Brown)
Thanks go out to Lou for finding this image.

Where I'm Not

Fantasia Fair, October 2008

I began crossdressing in my teens in the 1960s. Home alone, I dressed, but I was strictly closeted and even missed an opportunity to Halloween crossdress when I refused my best friend’s invitation to be girls for the night.

I continued crossdressing as a 20-something throughout the 1970s. I was still closeted, but got up the nerve to Halloween crossdress on three occasions (and had the time of my life doing so).

Along came the November 1980 issue of Playboy containing an article about Fantasia Fair. The article was intended to be a humorous piece, often at the expense of the folks attending the Fair. Put that aside, I had never heard of Fantasia Fair and the article provided a trans public service by revealing the Fair to me (and to probably hundreds of other girls like me across the USA).

What a dream! And the Fair was on Cape Cod – an easy four-hour drive, so maybe I could attend and live as a woman for a week. But...

👩 It was expensive and I was only making $10,000 per year. 

👩 I was still mostly dressing out of my mother’s closet, so I didn’t have anything close to having a wardrobe for a week (and Mom was not likely to let me borrow hers).

👩 I was scared. Except for a handful of Halloween crossdressings, I had never been out among the civilians and I was ill-prepared to spend a week en femme among the population of Provincetown.

So I did not go. 

Attending Fantasia Fair remained a dream for over a quarter of a century until I finally attended in 2008 (and again in 2010, 2012 and 2014). During the ensuing 25 years, I joined a support group, attended long weekend trans conventions and went out solo en femme among the civilians, so the population of Cape Cod was no longer something to fear. 

I had a fabulous time each time I attended Fantasia Fair. Living 24/7 as a woman was initially thrilling and then became routine, but in a good way. I attended informative workshops, dined on fabulous food, enjoyed beautiful Provincetown and made a lot of friends.

The Fair is this week and I will not be attending, but I have my memories and they are all good.

Wearing Madeleine

Bryce Anderson, model

My Louboutins

Before

As a fashionista who loves high heel shoes, I am well aware of high heels from Christian Louboutin with their signature red bottoms. Louboutin shoes are beautiful, but their price ($750 and up) match the height of their stilettos... much too high for my femulating budget!

I got the bright idea to paint the bottoms of my own more reasonably priced high heels to emulate Louboutins. 

I did a little research on the Internet and discovered that I was not the first girl to make fake Louboutins. Some girls used red nail polish and other girls used various brands of red paint. One paint job that impressed me used the Angelus brand of acrylic leather paint.

Angelus has a few shades of red, so I did some more research to find a shade that matched Louboutin’s red. Pantone-18 Chinese Red is what Louboutin uses and Angelus’ Fire Red looked to be a good match.

I ordered a bottle from Amazon and it arrived the next day. (I just love Amazon Prime’s instant gratification!)

After

With paint and paint brush in hand, I needed a candidate to paint. I selected my new black patent Nine West Alison sling-back pumps.

It took less than five minutes to do each shoe. I kept a paper towel handy in case I slipped up and painted a part of the shoe that wasn’t its bottom. The dry paper towel cleaned up any mishaps thoroughly. Your mileage may vary with shoes that are not patent leather.

I checked back about four hours later to see if I needed to apply a second coat and I did. Two coats were adequate and I wore my new Louboutins out and about the next day.

Wearing New York & Company (Post-op)

“Mom Catches Son CrossDressing!!” is the title of this short and entertaining video that I found on YouTube. I hope you enjoy it!

Fashion Model Stana

Readers commented favorably on the (Out and) About sidebar photo of “Fashion Model Stana,” so here is an excerpt from my book Fantasia Fair Diaries describing what happened on the occasion of that photograph. 

On Tuesday of Fantasia Fair week...

I attended a practice session for the fashion show. Yes, I am modeling in the annual Fantasia Fair Fashion Show before an audience of civilians and trans-people alike and it should be the thrill of my lifetime (up to now). The girls running the fashion show walked us through the routine of walking down the catwalk, etc. The first step from the stage to the catwalk is a doozy, so I plan to take it slow in my killer heels! The fashion show is Wednesday night and it should be a lot of fun!

On Wednesday of Fantasia Fair week...

I returned to my room and relaxed for an hour, then went to fashion show practice with my highest high heels in tow. (We were supposed to bring the highest heels we planned to wear for the show to the practice.) I had not worn these shoes before (the silver sequins platform sandals from Payless) and I was surprised how comfortable they were.

Everyone took a turn or two walking on stage and down the catwalk. After practice, I returned to my room to get ready for the show.

We were told to apply our makeup on the heavy side because the stage lights would wash out our faces if all we had on was a normal application of makeup. So I used black and dark grays to do my eyes, bright reds for my lips, and heavy on the blush.

After making up my face, I left my hotel room and walked downstairs to the site of the fashion show (the fashion show venue was in my hotel).

The dressing room for the fashion show models was not a dressing room per se; it was actually the room used for the Fair’s keynote addresses and other presentations. As a result, the facilities were not very good for dressing. We had to drape our stuff over the chairs in the room.

Later, a clothing rack showed up, but by then, my stuff was in such a disarray that the arrival of the rack did not matter.

I wore the first outfit I planned to model to the show, so I was ready to go while other models were dressing.

A photographer working on The Gender Photo Project had a portable studio set up in the dressing room near where I had plopped my stuff. The photographer asked me if I wanted to pose for a photo for the project and of course, I agreed. 

During the photoshoot, the photographer mentioned that I resemble Norway’s most famous crossdresser, Esben “Esther Pirelli” Benestad. I never heard of Benestad, but I was familiar with a film she appeared in: Alt om min far (All About My Father), which is a true story about a transvestite, who seeks his son’s acceptance.

Nigel Dickson had his photography equipment set up at the opposite end of the room. Nigel is the photographer working on a Fantasia Fair book and it turns out that he has taken photos of many famous people.

While I was still enjoying the afterglow from my first photoshoot, Nigel came over and asked me if I would pose for him. I joked with some of the other models saying, “I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.”

Turns out I was the first subject that Nigel photographed! After he took a few shots, he thanked me and promised to e-mail me a copy of the photo later.

The actual fashion show was now becoming an afterthought!

I was the fifth model of 23 models to go up the catwalk and I was on and off the stage very quickly. With floodlights shining in my face, loud music blaring, and the MCs making comments, the experience became a blur, but I do remember one of the MCs asking me if I was now ready for a New York City catwalk. I responded, “You betcha” in my best Alaskan accent and I got a big laugh from the audience.

Speaking of the audience, it was not a full house. I assume the lousy weather (cold and raining) kept down the crowd, but the audience that did show up was very enthusiastic and cheered each model loudly.

Wearing the black velvet evening gown from my friend Patty Marino’s collection, second time up was the same as the first... a blur, but the MC asked me to walk the walk twice (something they only asked a few models to do), so I must have been doing something right.

There was a party after the fashion show, but the weather was so miserable, I did not want to walk to the party venue, so I skipped it and went to bed.

From the Health Dept.

Wednesday, I saw my surgeon for a followup to my inguinal hernia repair surgery. 

The doctor confirmed my suspicion that my sore throat was caused by the anesthetic tube put down my throat during surgery and that it would heal itself quickly. He recommended lozenges to ease any discomfort.

He also said I was good to go and can start lifting handbags greater than 50 pounds!

Wearing Le Redoute

During my recovery from surgery, I watched some films and one that I found very interesting (not to mention,a little weird) was a 2019 British film titled Into the Mirror. It stars Jamie Bacon, who is femulating in the above photo from the film. I highly recommend the film to Femulate readers. It is only an hour long and you can view it for free on YouTube.

Notes of Note

Wanted: Trans Lives Conference Presenters

The annual Transgender Lives Conference will be virtual this year due to the pandemic. And Connecticut TransAdvocacy Coalition (CTAC) seeks presenters for this virtual event on June 12. If you are interested in presenting, please contact the Coalition at conference@transadvocacy.org

Changing Your Gender Marker – State-by-State

Updating gender markers on government-issued documents such as a driver’s license can help one to truly feel like their authentic self.  However, depending on your state, this process may require more than just a trip to the DMV. 

To the rescue, Bankrate created a state-by-state resource for changing gender markers on a driver’s license. Click here to visit this gender marker resource.

Mikki Has News Times Three

Patti Harrison in Together Together

Mikki sent me three interesting stories from TGForum that I am passing on to you.

👠  TGForum has a link to a Vogue article about Patti Harrison, a trans actor who plays a woman who becomes a surrogate mother for a character played by Ed Helms. It’s one thing for a trans actor to have a big role in a film, but I don’t think there’s been one who plays a pregnant woman – this is a big first! Can’t wait to see Together, Together! Click here to read the Vogue article.

👠  Also mentioned is a film titled Port Authority. It’s about a boy who runs off from Pennsylvania to NYC and meets some kids in the ballroom scene. One of the kids he becomes involved with is a gorgeous transwoman. Click here to read about Port Authority.

👠  TGForum also has a story about a previous Drag Race competitor, Honey Mahogany, who is into much more important issues these days. She’s trying to be the first black and trans chairperson of the San Francisco Democratic Party. She’s very well educated and has “paid her dues” in the Democratic Party, having been elected to several key positions. I’m reminded in a way of Virginia's Danica Roem except Ms. Mahogany has done all her political work as a woman. I’d vote for her! Click here to read the Honey Mahogany story.

Fantasia Fair Is On

Good news is that a real live Fantasia Fair is a go this year. Scheduled for October 17-24 in pretty Provincetown, Massachusetts, the Fair returns as a real live event (after a one year absence due to the pandemic). 

Each time I have attended Fantasia Fair, I have had the times of my life (so much so that I wrote a book about it). And I am seriously thinking about attending again this year after a seven year absence.

Whether I scratch my seven year itch or not, I highly recommend the Fair to you – it’s time for you to have your time of your life.

Wearing Bebe

Piotr Gawron-Jedlikowski femulates Magdalena Narożna on Polish television's Twoja Twarz Brzmi Znajomo. You can view this femulation on YouTube.

Fantasia Fair First-Timer

Bandy was the resident canine at The Chicago House B&B 
in Provincetown, where I stayed while attending Fantasia Fair. 
She spent a lot of time resting on a couch in the B&B’s 
common area. Whenever I saw her, I would visit with her for 
a few minutes and rub the back of her ears – we became fast 
friends. While I was posing for photos before going out on Friday
evening, Bandy was off the couch for the first time in my memory 
and walked over to me. She wanted me to rub her ears and I 
happily complied while Melissa photographed the event.

After attending Fantasia Fair for the first time, the folks running the event sent attendees a questionnaire asking about our experiences attending the Fair. The questions and my answers appear below.

Attending Fantasia Fair was a great experience – so much so that I attended three more times and wrote a book about it. I intended to attend this year, but the Fair was cancelled because of the Trump Virus. So I will have to wait ’til next year to attend again.

On to the questionnaire...

What did you expect going to Fantasia Fair and how did it work out for you? 

Before going to Fantasia Fair, I read everything I could get my hands on about the event, so my expectations were that Provincetown was a very diverse and trans-friendly locale and that I would have the run of the town without having any worries. In general, my expectations were fulfilled, although I did feel nervous walking along around town late at night.

Anything funny happen?

Thursday evening, we were on our own for dinner, so a bunch of us went to the Lobster Pot to dine. As we entered the dining room, a civilian woman noticed us, so she alerted all the people at her table about our presence and they began craning their necks to get a good look. Five days in, I was sick and tired of tourists gawking at trans-ladies, so I waved at the table of gawkers using my girliest limp-wristed wave. Their mouths went agape and they quickly stuck their heads back in their menus.

Was Fantasia Fair special for you and why? Or why not? 

Fantasia Fair was special to me because it gave me the opportunity to experience being en femme for an extended period of time (seven days).

What presentation or talk was most meaningful and why?

Sandra Cole's group meeting for girls attending without their SO’s (significant others) was worth the price of admission. My SO was not very supportive about me attending Fantasia Fair and without her approval, it made me feel guilty (as do other things I do en femme). In a nutshell, Sandra made me realize that despite my wife’s lack of support, I must be true to myself and do things en femme occasionally.

For 1st timers... what did you learn that was important to you? 

Having attended a few long weekend trans-events in the past, I looked forward to the opportunity to be en femme 24/7 for seven days instead of three days. After seven days en femme, I reached a new level. I stopped thinking about the fact that I was en femme and began living like a woman. All the techniques I used to be en femme became second nature; I did not have to think about using those techniques because they were now natural. I believe that during Fantasia Fair, I came as close to being a natural woman as I could be and I hope that that second nature will stick with me forever.

What did you like about PTown?

Provincetown is very picturesque and most of the civilians I encountered were trans-friendly (or so clueless that they did not realize I was en femme). Most of the restaurants were excellent and during my 7-day stay, I think I had only one meal that was disappointing.

and not like about PTown?

Gawking tourists, cobblestone sidewalks and businesses that were closed for the season or open for limited hours.

Would you attend again?

Absolutely (budget-depending).

Is there anything you might change or add?

I would replace the cobblestone sidewalks with shag carpeting.

Wearing Venus

Stephen Riddle femulating in the British film Adventures of A Taxi Driver.
You can view the film on YouTube – the femulation begins at the 1:04:30 mark.

It’s Monday (In Case You're Losing Track Like I Did!)

More Bad News Dept.

Fantasia Fair has been cancelled this year due to Trump Virus. Jenn relayed the bad news to me and as luck would have it, we both were making plans to attend Fan Fair this year (first time for her, first time in six years for me).

Sadly, “Wait ’til next year” is becoming an all too familiar refrain this year.

Something Lacking Dept.

I lack a female derriere. Viewing head-on, I have a reasonable facsimile of a female figure (created with the right combination of foundation garments), but viewing my profile, there is something lacking.

I tried to simulate a female derriere with padding (both homemade and store-bought), but have never been satisfied with the results. It was more bother than it was worth, so I decided to abandon the effort and go natural.

I will continue to narrow my waistline and widen my hips with a high-waisted girdle and long-line bra, but just as I have no padding in my bra, I will have no padding in my girdle.

Worth Reading Dept.

I loved T-Central's pick on Sunday – a post from Susan Miller’s blog titled “Friday night Susan time, and who I am.” I so identify with what Susan wrote and I highly recommend it to all. Click here to read it.

Wearing Venus

Toby Sawyer and Lucy Liemann crossdressing in the 2006 British film Private Life.
You can view this short film on YouTube (part 1 and part 2)

Worn-Out Workshops

2013 True Colors Conference presenter

A friend returned from Fantasia Fair and reported that her workshop had only two attendees. Been there, done that.

Over the years, I’ve conducted about 25 workshops and a few times, only a couple of people showed up. On the other hand, a few times the attendance was standing room only.

Usually, the attendance is somewhere in between. Oddly, the topics of my workshops don’t vary much, so attendance (or lack thereof) must be due to other factors. 

I am sure that the description of the workshop appearing in the event’s program makes a difference.

One time, the description I provided was something like “how to femulate successfully.” The intended audience were students and attendance was poor. After all, how many kids read a blog written by an old white lady – so they were clueless as to what “femulate” meant? Next time, the description I provided was something like “how to crossdress successfully.” Same intended audience, but attendance was SRO. 

Another factor is the competition.

Are there a lot of workshops in your time slot, thus your potential audience has too many to choose from. Or are the workshops in your time slot sexier than your workshop and likely to attract a bigger crowd than yours?

I think my friend at Fantasia Fair had too much competition. There was a potential audience of about 100 attendees, while there were four workshops scheduled in her time slot. In addition to the competition from three other workshops, her workshop had to compete with all the extracurricular activities that Cape Cod has to offer. Unless you are Caitlyn Jenner, you have to work hard to attract a crowd in that situation.

My best showing at Fantasia Fair was when I had the “Femulate Blog Party.” I advertised it here in the blog everyday for weeks beforehand and as a result, about 15 people showed up. (My other Fantasia Fair presentations were less successful attendance-wise.) 

My friend added, “I don't think workshops are that important now. Not sure what is.”

She has a point. You can find lots of the topics covered by workshops on the Internet for free, so who needs to slog to a trans convention.

Are events like Fantasia Fair, First Event, Keystone Conference, Southern Comfort, etc. becoming more social events and less venues where you can learn something. Who needs another “how to crossdress successfully” workshop?

I guess I have been around the block a few times too many and I don’t need no stinkin’ workshops. But I still attend workshops – more to socialize than to learn. Afterall, I am at a trans conference, so I might as well fill the time by attending a few workshops.

On the other hand, novices will probably get more by attending live workshops than by viewing the same on the Internet. It is one thing to view “how to crossdress successfully” from the safety of your closet. It is another thing to get all dressed up and attend the same workshop in person en femme.

Until I attended my first convention, I was pretty much closeted only going out en femme to attend my support group’s bi-monthly meetings. By attending conventions in hotels filled with civilians, I slowly built up my confidence and eventually I was able to go anywhere I desired without a net. Not sure how much the workshops helped, but attending conventions sure made a difference.

By the way, it is that time of year when I can submit workshop proposals for two local conferences that occur early next year: True Colors and Transgender Lives. Not sure I want to do “how to crossdress successfully” again. Not sure there is even a need for “how to crossdress successfully.”

Let me ask you: If you were attending a conference, what would you like to hear me workshop about?

Wearing Veronica Beard

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka femulate the Olsen twins at Heidi Klum's 2019 Halloween party

Unfair

Hometown, not Provincetown

I just realized Sunday afternoon that Fantasia Fair is this week.

In the past, I looked forward to attending or I was a Sad Sack because I was not attending. In either case, I was well aware when Fantasia Fair was occurring.

Attending this year did not cross my mind, so its dates were not important to me.

After four trips to Fantasia Fair, I’ve seen it all (and I wrote the book about it). The only reason I would attend today would be to see friends and enjoy the town. Few (if any) members of that old gang of mine still attend, so that puts the kibosh on the first reason to go. And the weather typically stinks during Fantasia Fair, so if I want to enjoy Provincetown, I would pick a better time of the year weather-wise to visit, so that puts the kibosh on the second reason.

And so it goes.

Wearing StyleWe

2018 Fantasia Fair attendees

Alison Laing

Alison and Me

I have not attended Fantasia Fair in a few years, but when I did attend, I usually stayed at the Chicago House, a cozy bed and breakfast in Downtown Provincetown.

About half the guests at Chicago House were repeats and as I became a repeat myself, I got to know the other Chicago House repeaters, including Alison Laing, who died recently.

From Dallas Denny (via Helen Boyd):

Alison played a huge role in the forming transgender community. She was a co-founder of Renaissance Education Association, author of a book on voice, and served as Executive Director of the International Foundation for Gender Education. Alison and spouse Dottie were long-time supporters of Fantasia Fair, and both served as Director for multiple years, and both earned the Fair’s highest awards.

Living in a B&B, you get to know your sister residents a little more intimately than you would otherwise. Only in a B&B do you get to chat with your sisters over breakfast while wearing nightgowns and slippers. Some girls showed up without wigs and makeup, others with wigs and full makeup (that's me) and then there were some in boy mode pajamas — it was quite a mix. That's where I got to know Alison... over breakfast at the Chicago House.

Alison was very friendly and very knowledgable. And she was very willing to share her knowledge and never tired of this newbies questions about Fantasia Fair and the trans world, in general. She also had a good sense of humor and got my jokes.

I will miss Alison. May she rest in peace.

Wearing Ann Taylor (Source: Ann Taylor)

Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari femulating in television's Bosom Buddies, circa 1981.