Transfamily

There are transwomen and transmen. May I now suggest the "transfamily."

If being trans is a natural occurrence rather than a nurtured development, doesn't it make sense that it might be genetic, too?

I have an acquaintance who is a closeted crossdresser (don't ask how I know, but I know) and I am aware that his son crossdressed on occasion in his youth. (The son moved across the country, so I don't know if he is still crossdressing or not. All I know is that he is now in his 40s and still unmarried, which may or may not indicate anything trans-wise.)

And I am sure you have heard about crossdressing siblings, crossdressing fathers and sons and crossdressing mothers and daughters.

Now with more and more people coming out as trans, more families are discovering that crossdressing within a family is not a solo occurrence ― it can be a family affair.

Wearing Cushnie Et Ochs (dress), Kenneth  Jay Lane (earrings) and Sergio Rossi (shoes).

Femulating at Downey, California, High School in 1995.

The Other Woman

After 21 years of marriage, he gave me the news. He is finally becoming himself — but I am more lost than ever

I saw a headline recently reporting how proud Bruce Jenner’s mother is of him (her). While that’s both noble and supportive, what I haven’t seen are stories about the private struggle — the husbands, wives and children who suddenly find themselves faced with difficult choices.

I’m here to tell you one.

Read the rest of Diana Matthew’s Salon story here.

 

 

 

Wearing Anthropologie.

 

 

 

The winner of the 2015 Miss Eng’g womanless beauty pageant
(Thank-you, Cheryl for the photo)

At Home

"Ask and you shall receive" as I found out when I wrote, "Ask me anything." The questions are still trickling in and I always welcome more as I slowly try to answer them all.

Emily and Sheila asked related questions, so I will answer them in the same blog posting. 

Sheila wrote, "When you go out en femme locally (outreach, group meetings, shopping, etc.) and have dressed at home and return home dressed, does your wife or daughter ever see you en femme?"

My wife and daughter often see me en femme when I go out.

Typically, my wife will give me the once over and note any issues with my outfit. In the colder weather, she invariably comments that I will be very cold because my outfits are skimpy.

On the other hand, my daughter always compliments me on the way I look.

Their reactions reflect their fashion sense. My wife is very practical in the way she dresses, whereas my daughter is a fashionista. Like father, like daughter.

Emily asked, "How do you maintain your relationship with your wife; she seems to be aware of Stana or do you have to keep it away from her? It seems from your blog that you do not dress at home, but you do have a huge closet of clothes; how does it work out?"

I do dress at home (to go out, not to hang around the house en femme), so my wife is very aware that I femulate. She would prefer that I did not, but she knows what I am and accepts it.

We three share the same walk-in closet; my girl and boy clothes share one rack in the closet with some spillage of my eveningwear to a second rack. My wife uses the other four racks.

Stana needs more space, but I do not want to encroach on my wife's territory. As a result, my boy wardrobe keeps getting smaller and smaller!

 

Actor Garrit Guadan (left) femulating on stage in Twist, 2007.

 

Wearing DailyLook.

Lucky Guy

Death in the Family

My aunt died yesterday.

She had been very sick for a long time, but things got complicated over the weekend and she was hospitalized earlier this week. Everyone figured that she would never leave the hospital alive and they were correct. I planned to visit her tomorrow morning, but that was too late.

My aunt could have been a fashion model. She was tall and thin and had high cheekbones. People said she resembled Lauren Bacall.

She never married and never owned a car, so she had some expendable income, which she used to dress to the nines.

In the 1950s and 1960s, she was a fashion plate. In that era, I never saw her wear anything but a dress and high heels and often a hat and white gloves.

I don't know about her other nieces, but my aunt's fashion sense had a great influence on me.

Rest in peace, Aunt A.

Mother’s Bond With Her Trans Teen

"Posing arm in arm, teenager Hannah Whetton and her mum Carol look like any loving mother and daughter.

"They enjoy going clothes shopping together and share make-up tips.

"But for the first 16 years of her life Hannah was Arron, Carol's son."

Read all about it in The Sun.

look femme, feel femme, be femme

Click on the image to enlarge it.

Dad of a trans and trans Dad

These are random thoughts about my Dad, the "Dad of a trans," and myself, a "trans Dad."

My father has been dead for over 20 years, but I think of him often. He was a great guy and I know he loved me, but I think he was a little uncomfortable around me because I was not a typical "boy" and because he saw me crossdressed for Halloween on a couple of occasions. On the other hand, when I crossdressed on Halloween, I remember my Dad warning me to be careful because other males might hit on me.

When my wife was pregnant, I hoped that our baby would be female because I feared that I might not be an adequate role model for a son. I was very relieved when a daughter showed up instead of a son. Turns out that my daughter has been very supportive of my transness; who knows if a son would have been the same.

Happy Father’s Day to all.

Blogging for LGBT Families Day

Via my friend Diana's blog, I learned that today is Blogging for LGBT Families Day.

I wish all my family acknowledged and supported my transness.

My wife acknowledges it, tolerates it, but is not supportive. And she does not want to talk about it.

My daughter acknowledges it and is supportive. (Goddess, bless her.)

With the rest of my family: some know about it, some have no clue.

The ones that know have never acknowledged it to my face. It is the proverbial elephant in the room no one talks about. They talk about it behind my back, but they never saw me crossdressed, so they don't have to deal with it face-to-face.

Being a crossdresser, my transness is not out their 24/7; I do not crossdress full-time, so my family does not have to confront my transness, so they avoid it.

That is understandable. Most people don't want to confront something when they can avoid it, so they don't confront it unless they have no choice.

Maybe I should give them no choice. Maybe I will wear my most feminine outfit on Father's Day and visit all my relatives.

not sisters

Everyone thinks we're sisters, but we're actually mother and son.

(from a recent issue of The New Yorker)

easter envy

Easter is not a big holiday in my family. We hardly notice it.

It was different when I was a kid. My family were practicing Roman Catholics, so it was a big holiday for us back then.

Our usual Easter routine was Mass on Sunday morning, dinner with the whole family at my aunt's house Sunday afternoon, and an egg hunt for the kids after dinner.

In preparation for Easter, Mom would get new Easter outfits for herself and my sister. My Dad and I wore whatever suit was the most recent addition to our wardrobes.

I was jealous of my sister. She usually got a new dress, new shoes, and a new hat for Easter. My female cousins got dolled up for Easter, too, meanwhile I was stuck in a boring suit.

Saturday, I will make up for my Easter envy and get dressed to kill for my support group's annual banquet. I can't wait!

runs in the family

new stuff

I added two new links.

In the Tools Links, I added a link to the "How to Walk in High Heels" video (see the previous blog entry below).

In the T-Girls Links, I added a link to Kathryn Cleve's "Longing to be a woman" Web site. Kathryn's story is interesting, inspiring, and proof positive that there are supportive wives out there if you look hard enough!

the holidays

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I will be busy visiting friends and relatives. I will be doing so in boy mode, but I wish I could make one visit dressed to kill en femme.

All my in-laws know about my crossdressing. It is a long story, but I was outed by my wife's cousin, who we had entrusted with my secret. My in-laws have had long discussions amongst themselves about my crossdressing, but they never mention it to my face. The family rat, my brother-in-law, even convinced my mother-in-law, to write my wife out of her will because I am "unstable." And yadda, yadda, yadda.

As a result, I have minimum contact with my in-laws, but my wife is forgiving to a fault, no matter how they have abused and mistreated her throughout her life, and she bought them all Christmas gifts.

So, Christmas morning, I will accompany my wife to my mother-in-law's home so she can exchange the gifts. I am just going along as bodyguard and will refuse any gifts that they may try to foist on me. (I don't expect any gifts because my wife has forewarned them that I won't accept any, but you never know with these people.)

I'd love to show up at my mother-in-law's tomorrow in my girliest Christmas finery. It is not that I don't have the guts to do it, but I won't do it in deference to my wife. But I can dream, can't I?

I wanted to close on a positive note: Tyra Banks. I have become infatuated with this woman and she is near the top of my list of women to emulate. So, I went to Google to search for a nice photo of Tyra to accompany this blog entry and I learn that Tyra gave limp McDonald's cheeseburgers to her staff as Christmas gifts!

Tyra just fell off my list of women to emulate, so I guess I have no good news this Christmas! But, Happy Holidays anyway!

stuck at home

My dear friend Diana often e-mails me to ask if I would like to go out en femme with her. I turn her down more often than I accept her invitation.

Diana is single and lives as a woman full-time. I am married and live as a woman part-time.

Most of the time, I am in male mode because my wife married a man and prefers me in boy mode. She dislikes it when I am in girl mode and to keep the peace, I agreed that I only do the girly thing on a limited basis.

I am in male mode most of the time also because my employer hired a man and might not be too happy if I showed up at work in a dress and heels on days that don't end the month of October.

When Diana wants to go out, she opens the door and she is out (lucky girl!). When I want to go out, it is more complicated. I need two hours at a minimum to transform from boy mode to girl mode. And if it is an evening outing, that means leaving work early to get ready.

Since there are a number of complications in my girl life, I have to pick and choose my en femme outings and as a result, I have to turn Diana down more often than I would like. I just hope she doesn't get tired of my rejections and stops asking!

like father, like daughter

out of my closet

discovery

While surfing the net, I discovered an interesting and pertinent essay titled Discovery on Chrysalis, a web site "for transgender children, teens and their families."

To the crossdresser the words "discover" or "discovery" can have so many meanings, as well as tons of ramifications. For instance, it's a discovery when a CD first learns that he enjoys wearing women's clothes and carrying himself in a feminine way. And I know from experience, it's an even bigger discovery when he eventually realizes that this facet of his life earns him a lifetime membership in a club whose members are commonly called crossdressers. Once that discovery has been made, you can be sure he'll spend the next few years, or even the rest of his life, discovering just what his membership in this club means to him.

To read the rest of the essay, click here.

feminine guys better for long-term love

LONDON (AFP) - Women see masculine-looking men as more unsuitable long-term partners but men with more feminine features are seen as more committed and less likely to stray, researchers said Wednesday.

Read the rest of the story here.

all in the family