Eyes

Wearing COVID-19 masks has put the emphasis on our eyes. More than ever, a girl has to be expert at applying eye makeup. I am no expert, but I have learned a few things over the years. 

In the past, I have had a number of makeovers primarily for the purpose of learning how professionals would apply makeup to my face. The problem is that it is difficult to see what the artist is doing if you are the canvas. 

One Jim Bridges’ makeover, Jim proffered a handheld mirror so I could watch what he was doing. In theory, that should work, but in practice, it did not because holding a mirror up to my face impeded what Jim was trying to do. I could view the results of each step of his makeup application, but I could not see how he performed the application.

Back when I was trying to learn a few things, videotapes were popular and I bought a VHS tape called The Eyes Have It by Donna Mills, a drop-dead gorgeous actress, who had beautiful eyes. On the tape, Donna showed how she did her makeup step-by-step.

After watching the tape once, I set up my makeup mirror next to the television and played the tape again applying each step of Donna’s routine to myself. You can see the results in the accompanying Polaroid. 

I have thinned my eyebrows considerably since that 1992 Polaroid, but 28 years later, I still follow Donna’s routine to do my eyes. The videotape is no longer for sale unless you can find a used copy on eBay or elsewhere, however, the video is available on YouTube in various forms.

Doing my eyes a few months ago, I noticed that my eyelashes were not what they used to be! There weren’t as many lashes as I had in the past and the lashes that I did have were not very long. 

“Old age stinks,” I muttered.

Being an Avon Lady, I recalled that Avon had a product that could solve my problem. Called Avon Clinical Unlimited Lash, Avon claimed that I could “Get lush lashes that are all yours.” Avon's “unique serum, with a peptide blend and botanicals, is designed to dramatically enhance the look of your lashes. In just weeks, lashes look longer, fuller and healthier.”

I purchased a tube and began applying it religiously every evening. 

Six weeks later, I was impressed how my eyelashes had improved. My lashes looked much fuller and longer than they did back in September. 

“Old age doesn’t have to stink,” I proclaimed.

Wearing Venus

Bernard Bresslaw femulating in the 1973 British film Carry On Girls.
You can view the film on YouTube.

Caught

By Paula Gaikowski, Femulate Contributing Editor

Back in 1968, I was 9 years old. The style at the time amongst my third-grade classmates was mini-dresses, fishnet stockings and go-go boots. I became captivated by my female classmates and what they wore. Each day I wondered what pretty or cute outfit they would wear. So was it curiosity or envy that led me to my sister’s bedroom that morning?

To this day, I am not sure. I just remember wanting to wear dresses like the girls in school did. I also remember being jealous on days when they all went to Maywood School of Dance. I would see them afterwards going home in their tutus and leotards. I remember thinking, “Gosh, it would be fun doing ballet.” However, I knew to keep that thought to myself.

It was a Saturday, my parents were gone somewhere and my sister was out, too. There in the closet it hung, an above-the-knee brightly colored paisley dress. Just like the one the girls in my school wore. A hasty search turned up black fishnet pantyhose, panties and a slip.

I couldn’t believe that I was actually going to wear these clothes, I was so happy.

I threw off the pajamas that I had been wearing and next put on the stockings.

Thinking back, I wonder how I knew how to do that, I mean how does a 9-year-old boy know how to put on a pair of stockings? Well, not surprisingly it seemed to come very naturally.

Rummaging through her closet I found black go-go boots just like the ones Irene Barusso got for Christmas!

Wow, so this is what it feels like. Girls are so lucky!

Somewhere in the room I found a wiglet, a bun that my sister used for a wedding she was in.
The wig let led me to the vanity and then the makeup, lipstick, mascara, then eyelash curler.
I would sit and watch my sister and Mom put there makeup --- now it was my turn.

Spellbound and absorbed, it took a moment for me to hear the car in the driveway.

My sister.

Panicked, I ran down into the basement as the back door opened.

My sister, called for me and I answered, “Down here, I’m playing ping-pong.”

Who plays ping-pong alone besides a terrified 9-year-old transgender girl?

Meanwhile, in a frenzy I had stripped off all of the clothes and was rubbing off my lipstick the best I could.

I heard my sister go into the kitchen. I covertly made my way into her bedroom. In a panic I threw the dress, fishnets and panties on the floor of her closet.

I wandered into the kitchen trying my best to appear calm and innocent, “What were your doing?” she asked in a snippy tone.

I opted for the stock answer of guilt-ridden children everywhere, “Nothing.”

I ran away hoping to escape further questioning, I don’t remember much else about that day, however it remains a pivotal day in my mind. It was the first time I dressed up as a girl and it ignited something deep down inside me.

The next morning, I went to my closet to get dressed and there on the floor just as I had left them in my sister’s closet were the dress, pantyhose, panties and slip thrown in a heap on the floor of my closet.

I felt my face flush red and fear run through my body. “What now?” I thought. She knows, I’m caught what will happen to me?

I hid the clothes and later when the house was empty again I went down to my sister’s room and put everything neatly away.

She never said anything to me about that afterwards. I wonder what she thought and why she put the clothes there. Was it a way to admonish me? Or was it an olive branch of acceptance?

I’ll never know. My sister died one year ago this week.

Wearing Venus

Benjamin Koldyke emulating in the 2012 television series Work It!

I have a hunch

You may wonder why I am posting so often these days after announcing that I was reducing my blogging schedule.

The reason is that I have more free time on my hands than usual and that's because my back pain got worse and is preventing me from doing much of anything.

After receiving a clean bill of health regarding my annual physical, I complained about my back to my doctor, so he sent me for x-rays. They showed no problems, so he sent me for physical therapy.

The therapist says that my back problems are due to Kyphosis. Good news is that she believes that therapy will help me.

After two sessions of physical therapy, I feel much better. The backache is greatly reduced and I will continue going to therapy for eight more sessions to work on my Kyphosis.

Meanwhile, I am cooling my high heels until I am finished with therapy.

The outfit I ordered from JustFab arrived in the mail today and I tried it on without my usual shapewear. The skirt fits, but the sweater may be too big, so sooner or later, I need to try it on over shapewear to determine whether to return the sweater for a smaller size.

And so it goes.

Margot Robbie in the film Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood. (I saw the film last week and loved it!)

Liev Schreiber (right) in the 2009 film Taking Woodstock.

Bad News, Good News

July was the hottest month ever in this neck of the woods. It also was one of my most miserable months health-wise.

I mentioned my Fourth of July sty in an earlier post. Worse was the backache that developed about the same time. It was so bad that there was no way I could comfortably squeeze into a dress and high heels and enjoy my womanhood.

Some days were better than others, but I felt poorly for weeks. One month later, I think I am finally seeing the light and my back is almost back too normal.

There was some good news on my health front. I had my annual checkup and received a clean bill of health. Also, I lost more weight and I am down to an all-time low as an adult.

Bad news, more of my clothes are too big now as a result of the weight loss. Good news is that I had credit at JustFab and purchased the plain skirt and slouchy dolman sweater for only $7.62!

Wearing Venus

Actor Ross Martin femulating 

Stymied

Sitting around at the family Independence Day picnic, my daughter asks, "What's wrong with your eye?"

"Huh?" was my comeback as I had not noticed anything wrong with my eye.

My wife looked at my left eye and proclaimed that I had a sty.

Upon arriving home, I checked out my eye in the mirror and confirmed my wife's diagnosis.

Googling sty, I found that "styes will usually heal on their own over the course of a few days to a couple weeks. The best way to treat a stye is to apply warm compresses (a washcloth soaked in warm water) to the affected eyelid for 10-15 minutes three times a day. This will help the pus trapped in the stye to come to the surface of the skin."

Avoid using makeup was also highly recommended.

I nursed the sty with warm compresses and after a week or so, I noticed some improvement, but I must have irritated the sty a few days ago and I am back where I started from.

I found some home remedies on line and am going the coconut oil route. If things don't improve, I have my annual check-up on Tuesday, so I'll bring it up with my doctor then.

Meanwhile, I am avoiding using makeup, eye cream and moisturizer, which has stymied all femulating!

Wearing Bebe

Christer Lindarw femulates Sweden's Queen Silvia