Naturally Effeminate or Naturally a Woman

Recently, I proffered, "Ask me anything" and Pat asked, "Were you naturally effeminate as a kid and ever called a sissy while going to school?"

Yes ― I was naturally effeminate as a kid. I know it was "natural" because at the time, I was not aware that I was effeminate.

I was not intentionally acting effeminate, I was acting as me, myself, and I, and as luck would have it, me, myself and I was very effeminate. So much so that my peers let me know it by calling me names like "sissy," "twinky," "fairy," and worse.

At my first summer job, which was in a very macho environment, my nickname was "Zelda" in honor of my feminine ways.

At another summer job working in the receiving department of a department store where I unpacked and sorted women's clothing all day long, one of my co-workers suggested that it must be my dream job because I got first shot at all the new dresses and lingerie before it went on the floor for sale to the public. He even showed me a private backroom where I could try on the clothing that I might like to purchase.

At my high school graduation, some of the jocks asked aloud why I wasn't wearing a gold-colored graduation cap and gown like the other girls.

In college, the guy in the dorm room next door said I could borrow his girlfriend's bra that she left behind after one of their evening rendezvous.

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

I never changed my feminine ways even when I figured out what was going on. I knew how to fix the problem, but I rejected manning up and becoming macho because doing so was so incompatible with my nature.

On the other hand, dressing in woman's clothing was a perfect fit. I already acted, moved, and spoke like a woman, so the clothing just completed the picture.

(Caveat Emptor: This is a redo of a 3-year-old post.)

Wearing Self Portrait.

 Italian actress, writer, politician and television host, Vladimir Luxuria

Out with the Old

If you are not en femme 24/7 like me, you do not use cosmetics on a daily basis. As a result, you probably do not use up the cosmetics before they should be trashed.

Some makeup should be thrown away sooner than other makeup, for example, mascara and liquid eye liner should be trashed after three months. On the other hand, you can keep some makeup for years.

Recently, Daily Makeover described what to keep and what to toss. 

Since I am an Avon rep, I am always trying out new products that they offer; some are keepers, some are not. Either way, the stuff fills the huge tackle box (photo right) that serves as my makeup box.

I usually go through my makeup every six months or so discarding stuff that is old or stuff that I tried once and did not like. (And still my makeup box is overflowing!)

I’m gonna need a bigger box!

German professional femulator Hansi Sturm, 1930.

Wearing BCBGMAXAZRIA.

Boys Just Want To Be Girly

Last week, an article titled "11 'Girly' Things Men Wish They Could Do Without Judgment" appeared on The Huffington Post.

The author of the article, Alanna Vagianos wrote, "A Dec. 17th thread asked the men of Reddit, 'What girly thing do you really want to do or try but it is socially unacceptable?' Responses ranged from cuddling etiquette ('Being the little spoon') to fashion woes ('Toe socks') and showing emotion ('Crying in public without getting judged')"

Ms. Vagianos goes on to describe her 11 favorite answers, which included having more stylish clothing options, carrying a purse, and wearing makeup.

Intrigued, I decided to go to the source and read what other girly things guys wished they could do. 

I was amazed by how many guys want to do girly things and to what extent some guys want to get girly. A few guys admitted that they wanted to dress completely like a woman and a few even admitted to wanting to take on the submissive role and have sex like a woman.

My favorite comment was, "This thread reminds me how lucky I am to be transgender."

***

My sister baked a boatload of cookies for Christmas. When she was listing the kinds of cookies she baked, I recalled one of the cookies that my mother used to bake and asked her if she had my mother's recipe. 

She said she did have the recipe, but that she was done baking cookies and had moved on to gift wrapping mode. I asked her to email the recipe to me, so she did so assuming that my wife or daughter would bake the cookies.

Recovering from surgery, my wife was in no condition to stand over a hot stove and my daughter was  busy at work, so I decided to bake the cookies myself.

Note well that I have never baked anything from a recipe in my life, but this cookie recipe seemed simple enough for a novice like me.

Christmas Eve morning, I gave it a go and successfully baked a batch.

The cookies contained black pepper and my wife and daughter did not like them, but my sister said they tasted exactly like my mother's cookies. She added that she was very proud of me for doing it.

Note that this is the same sister that is in denial that her brother is a woman, but is "proud" when her brother does girly things.

***

Stana's Honey Pepper Cookies

Ingredients:

1 lb. - rye flour

1 cup - honey

1 cup - sugar

2 teaspoons - black pepper

Combine all the ingredients to the consistency of raw pie crust, then roll the dough out like a rope about the width of a finger. Cut the rope into one-inch pieces and place them on a cookie sheet. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes.

The femulating ballerinas of Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo.

Wearing Alice + Olivia.

Naturally Effeminate (or Naturally a Woman)

I proffered, "Ask me anything" and Pat asked, "Were you naturally effeminate as a kid and ever called a sissy while going to school?"

Yes - I was naturally effeminate as a kid. I know it was "natural" because at the time, I was not aware that I was effeminate.

I was not intentionally acting effeminate, I was acting as me, myself, and I, and as luck would have it, me, myself and I was very effeminate. So much so that my peers let me know it by calling me names like "sissy," "twinky," "fairy," and worse.

At my first summer job, which was in a very macho environment, my nickname was "Zelda" in honor of my feminine ways.

At another summer job working in the receiving department of a department store where I unpacked and sorted women's clothing all day long, one of my co-workers suggested that it must be my dream job because I got first shot at all the new dresses and lingerie before it went on the floor for sale to the public. He even showed me a private backroom where I could try on the clothing that I might like to purchase.

At my high school graduation, some of the jocks asked aloud why I wasn't wearing a gold-colored graduation cap and gown like the other girls.

In college, the guy in the dorm room next door said I could borrow his girlfriend's bra that she left behind after one of their evening rendezvous.

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

I never changed my feminine ways even when I figured out what was going on. I knew how to fix the problem, but I rejected manning up and becoming macho because doing so was so incompatible with my nature.

On the other hand, dressing in woman's clothing was a perfect fit. I already acted, moved, and spoke like a woman, so the clothing just completed the picture.

 

British television personality Louis Walsh femulates British television personality Cheryl Cole.

 

Wearing Cheryl Cole.

what's "feminine" anyway?

Whenever I recount my trans biography (like at outreach on Wednesday), I usually mention that as a youngster, I participated in sports (baseball and football) and played "boy games" (cowboys, war, spacemen, etc.). I felt that I was a typical boy and I enjoyed doing "boy things," unlike many trans sisters, who as children, hated "boy things" and preferred "girl things."

I also mention in my bio that despite my participation and enjoyment of those boy things, other boys called me names like "sissy," "fairy," "faggot," etc., which indicated to me that I was not necessarily all the boy I thought I was.

This was not just a case of bullies using random offensive names to raise my ire. Even some of my friends told me that I was not acting like a boy at a 100% level and that I should do something about it.

I wondered if there was something in my speech or mannerisms that caused their reaction? I was not intentionally speaking or acting in an affected manner. Rather, I was speaking and acting in my natural manner, which I did not feel was feminine.

The fact that even friends told me that something was amiss indicated that something really was amiss, but I was clueless. I had no idea what I had to do differently to be more boy-like. So, I continued acting the same way I always acted.

In high school, college, and law school, I occasionally ran into guys, who commented on my particular flavor of masculinity, but just I shrugged them off and kept on truckin'. By then, I was crossdressing in secret only coming out en femme for Halloween including an appearance in drag at a Halloween party in law school*.

I will never forget a friend of mine at that party telling me that he never realized how feminine my speaking and mannerisms were until he saw me in drag. He indicated that my female costume was a perfect fit for my normal speech and mannerisms.

After mentioning this at outreach on Wednesday, one of the students said that my mannerisms were feminine and that my friends and acquaintances had been in the ballpark in their estimation of me.

Yet, nothing has changed. I still do not affect a feminine persona. I still act naturally and no differently whether in boy mode or girl mode.

I admit that I do try to walk more like a woman when I am en femme and I occasionally talk more softly when I femulate, but most of what you get is the genuine me. And I am not changing a thing.

* By the way, I did graduate from law school, but never practiced in that field. (I hated that field.) Instead, I turned to my first love: writing and became a successful professional writer/author.

My Theory of Operation

When I do outreach, the other presenters almost always identify as transsexual. I only recall doing outreach on two occasions with others who did not identify as transsexual.

Listening to the transsexuals tell their life stories always causes me to consider my own identity. Tuesday's outreach was no different. Since then, I have done a lot of thinking about my identity and I believe I have had an epiphany.

I identify as a heterosexual male-to-female crossdresser, who crossdresses once or twice per month (in deference to my spouse). However, I readily admit that if I had the opportunity, I would crossdress 24/7 and live full-time as a female without surgery, hormones, or other body modifications. I likely would get electrolysis, but nothing more than that.

If I desire to live full-time as a woman, am I still a crossdresser? Or am I something else... something beyond a crossdresser, but not quite a transsexual mainly because I never felt that I was a woman trapped inside the body of a male.

I admit that I am not the most manly male, at least according to other people's opinions of me. When I was young, I was called a "sissy," "fairy," "twinky," "faggot," etc. because others perceived me as being effeminate. That perception may still exist, but as an adult, the people I encounter are polite enough to keep such opinions to themselves.

I did not (or do not) make any effort to be effeminate (or masculine, for that matter). I always acted in a way that was natural to me and my natural inclination was to act effeminately according to the "standards" set by our society.

I never felt I had a masculine or feminine side and I never felt that I was a woman trapped inside the body of a male like the typical transsexual, who hid or suppressed their femininity in boy mode.

I never felt that I was a woman trapped inside the body of a male because SHE WAS NEVER TRAPPED!

I never suppressed my femininity because I never realized I was acting effeminately, so as far as I was concerned, there was nothing to suppress.

Back in college, I attended a Halloween party in drag. One of my classmates who knew me well was impressed on how my normal persona was such a good fit for my costume. Until he saw me in drag, he never realized that my everyday persona was so feminine. That confirms what I always believed, i.e., "I" am the same person in boy mode or in girl mode except that "I" am a better fit in girl mode.

In conclusion, I am not a woman trapped in a male body, rather I am a woman with a male body and I’m OK with that. I realize that my body has nothing to with my gender and further that having a male body does not make me less of a woman.

(By the way, this is pretty heavy stuff for me and I would greatly appreciate any and all opinions on my theory of operation.)

forced "man" dressing

My personality tends to be more female than male without even trying!

During the first half of my life (so far), my peers perceived me as a "sissy." This is not just an assumption on my part; I was told to my face many times that I was a "sissy" or the equivalent.

I did not go out of my way to be a sissy, rather I was just acting naturally. My personality directed me to do things a certain way. The problem was that that way sometimes did not meet the expectations of how a "man" would do things.

When I realized that something was amiss, I began forcing myself to do things the way a "man" does things in order to be accepted as a "man" in society and not be shunned as being effeminate.

Often, I felt uncomfortable when I forced myself to be a "man." As time passed, I learned that being accepted in society as a "man" was not worth the effort. So as I grew older and wiser, I forced myself less often and let my personality act naturally more often.

I also began crossdressing more publicly at that time in my life* and my open crossdressing went hand-in-hand with my decision to stop forcing myself to act like a "man."

I enjoyed dressing as a woman and my normal personality did not conflict with the way I dressed, i.e., I was not a "man in a dress." Again, this is not an assumption on my part; I have been told more than once that when I crossdress, my personality is a natural fit for the way I am dressed.

I realized that the natural way for me was often the the feminine way, but so what? Why was I forcing myself to be something that I was not? So, I stopped acting like a "man" and instead, acted like "me."

So, why don't I drop the other shoe, i.e., why do I still force myself to appear as a man most days of the week? I stopped acting like a "man" long ago and have been acting like "me" ever since, so why don't I stop dressing like a "man" and begin dressing like "me"?

That is the question.

* FYI, I began crossdressing regularly in my early teens, but I had a keen interest in crossdressing much earlier and probably crossdressed for the first time when I was about 8 years old. I crossdressed in public (Halloween) for the first time in my late teens and I crossdressed in public (not Halloween) for the first time in my mid-30s.