Dressing Your Age, Continued

Dee responded to Friday’s post, Dressing Your Age, More or Less.

Reading Sandy's post on “Dressing Your Age, More or Less,” I have to wonder how one goes through life with such a condescending attitude towards a fellow traveler. 

It boggles my mind when femulators (thanks, Stana) can have these two thoughts going on in their head simultaneously:

1. When I’m out in public, I expect others to be tolerant of me; and

2. OMG, do you see what she’s wearing?

In short, tolerance for me, but none for thee.

We don’t want people making fun of us, but we are happy to jump on others because they don’t dress the way we approve? How hypocritical. How condescending. How rude.

Here is a sample.

“Truly, I wonder who these sisters believe they are appealing to and I have come to the conclusion that their choices are determined by wanting to look like someone that they themselves would be attracted to, as well as what clothing they have access to purchasing. Maybe they only feel comfortable buying the discards at the local goodwill or someplace else that affords cheap prices and anonymity while shopping.”

Rubbish.

Every post Stana includes a picture which says “Femulate Her.” There are a lot of cute outfits and some might be “age inappropriate,” according to some. 

I suggest instead that instead of bowing to someone else’s judgment, we make our own decisions and ignore judgments like the one above.

Recently, I had a great interaction with a store manager, Kira, in Melbourne, Australia. She asked me if the clothes I was wearing made me feel confident because they should make you feel confident. All I know is that I walked into her store and saw the top she was wearing and I decided I wanted that top. She’s 22 and a genetic girl and gorgeous – I’m none of the above – and I bought the top and wore it out of the store with confidence (see photo above).

Enough with the shaming of others because they don’t dress the way you think they should. If you want tolerance for yourself for how you dress, you must have tolerance for how others dress. Otherwise, you’re not helping our community, you’re harming it.

Wearing Venus

Femulating in the early 1960’s

Dressing Your Age, More or Less

Sandy responded to Monday’s post, Can I picture Helen Mirren wearing it?

Just wanted to heartily agree with you about deciding if an outfit is age-ish appropriate.

I do not understand how (seemingly) most of our sisters go through their journey trying to look like they are 22, when so many clues give them away.

I mean, I get it. Most of us go through a phase of sorts that feels like we are teens, trying on looks, textures, attitudes. But I think we all have to give a nod to reality – that we tend to and probably should, skew toward the age-appropriate.

Truly, I wonder who these sisters believe they are appealing to and I have come to the conclusion that their choices are determined by wanting to look like someone that they themselves would be attracted to, as well as what clothing they have access to purchasing. Maybe they only feel comfortable buying the discards at the local goodwill or someplace else that affords cheap prices and anonymity while shopping.

Either way, I think it casts a pall over crossdressing/gendering in general because the public can look at those sisters and cast them as pervy and then we, who might try to dress pretty/classy/age-appropriate, get painted the same way. That’s unfortunate.

What’s more is that I think women’s fashion has evolved beyond the age of our grandmother’s hausfrau dresses and other unsexy outfits. These days, most ciswomen still want to be considered kinda hip, if not young and pretty, and there are many styles out there now to accommodate (including hairstyles). I think it’s sad that there are many sisters out there who don’t know the difference and don’t get with the program.

I also understand “to each, their own,” but from a girl who prefers the looks that I think honor ciswomen, by trying to emulate them more: girl next door,  soccer mom, business woman.

I do find some of the fetish looks make my hobby feel a little dirty and seedy (if that makes any sense).

Wearing St. John

Dressing my age – NOT!

Getting Good to Go

On my last trip to Hamvention
(Hope it’s not my last trip to Hamvention!)

Lazy lady that I am, I stopped shaving my body parts when it was evident that my osteoarthritis would prevent me from going out en femme any time soon. 

But...

“The time has come,” the Walrus said, “To put on a dress and go out en femme.”

I am feeling better and have been invited to lunch with some lady friends later this month. I think I can manage a few hours out especially if I wear flats, but now I face the daunting task of removing all that hair!

I thought about cheating and wearing black tights to avoid shaving my legs, but I still have to deal with the rest of my body hair and removing leg hair is relatively easy and so it goes.

By the way, I have sent my regrets to my ham radio friends informing them that I will not be going to Ohio next month to attend Hamvention. I may be good to go out to a local restaurant for a few hours, but I am not quite good to go to Dayton and be on and off my feet for the three-day convention.

I so look forward to my Hamvention trips and was very much looking forward to going this year especially since the convention was cancelled the last two years due to the pandemic. But I finally bit the bullet, put on my big girl panties and admitted that this year was a no-go, too.

Darn it!

Wearing A.L.C. dress and Valentino tote and sandals

Three gorgeous girls out in their LBD‘s

Can I picture Helen Mirren wearing it?

Girls like us receive a lot of flack about how we dress. Specifically about how we don’t dress our age. That girls like us dress like girls half our age (and look ridiculous doing so).

I plead guilty of not dressing my age. In my defense, I claim that I don’t look my age – that I look younger than my 71 years, so why not take advantage of that fact and dress like a 50-year-old woman.

And when considering whether I look good in any outfit I am wearing, I use the following checklist:

1. Do I look good?

2. Do I feel good?

3. Does it say something positive (and perhaps truthful) about my rank in life?

4. Can I picture Helen Mirren wearing it?

In my opinion, question number 4 does it for me! If I can imagine the 70-something Ms. Mirren wearing the same outfit that I am wearing, then I believe it is perfectly appropriate for this 70-something femulator.

Wearing Joie

Femulating in the shower

Breasts or Legs?

In this day and age, it seems absurd that husbands still want wives with big breasts, but they do.

With that in mind, my parents started me on a regimen of hormone supplements as I approached puberty. The purpose of the hormones was to help me achieve a state of pulchritude that would make me more attractive to the opposite sex and eventually snag me a husband.

When I began taking the supplements, I had big expectations. My budding breasts seemed to outgrow my training bra overnight and I was soon sporting a new A-cup bra. However, as all my friends moved up the bra cup alphabet, my breasts refused to grow any larger. I was stuck at an A-cup even after the doctor increased the dosage of my hormones.

As I neared my sweet 16 birthday with nary a date in sight, Mom offered me breast implants as a birthday gift. But I was adamant that no surgeon was going to take a scalpel to my surgically virgin body, so I refused.

Although I lacked bountiful breasts, I had other attractive features including a pair of long shapely to-die-for legs. To show them off, I always wore the shortest skirts and highest heels. On a few occasions, I was sent home from school because my skirts were so short that they revealed other assets.

Nevertheless, I built my wardrobe around mini-skirts and mini-dresses hoping to attract someone who preferred well-turned ankles over well-rounded breasts.

After graduating from high school, I became a receptionist at a high-tech engineering firm where I attracted a design engineer who was an unabashed leg aficionado. We dated for six months, then she asked for my hand in marriage.

We just celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary and she still likes me to show off my legs. (She tells everyone, “He has the best legs in town.”)

As her obedient and dutiful wife, I willingly comply and wear skirts or dresses and high heels throughout my day.

Wearing Zuhair Murad

Femulating at the Chamayavilakku Festival

2022 Transgender Lives Conference

At the 2019 Trans Lives Conference
(when it was really “live”)

The 16th annual Transgender Lives Conference will be held virtually on Saturday, April 30, 2022 via the UConn Health Center’s WebEx from 9:30 AM to 4:00 PM.

The conference is geared towards social service providers, medical and legal professionals, transgender and non-binary gender diverse and gender non-conforming community members, as well as allies and supporters interested in learning about healthcare and legal issues that affect our communities.

To register for the conference go to the conference’s registration webpage. Registration is free, but $10 donations via PayPal are welcome.

Yours truly will be presenting at the conference (time slot to be determined). The topic of my presentation is “Confidence: A Crossdresser’s Best Friend.” It’s a topic I covered at previous conferences and it has always been a crowd pleaser.

I hope to see you there!

Update:

This just in: I will be presenting at at 10 AM EDT on Saturday, April 30.

Wearing Guilty of Glam

Kyle De'Volle

An Arrival from Venus

Mailman delivered yet another package from Venus (the clothier, not the planet). 

I am a sucker for houndstooth and I could not resist adding this A-line houndstooth dress to my wardrobe. The only issue was answering the universal question of girls who order clothing online: Will it fit?

Out of the package, I had my doubts, but the proof is in the putting on the dress. So I slipped out of my boy lingerie and slipped into my girl shapewear to find out.

The dress is figure-hugging above the waist, then flares out below the waist “to create a flirty A-line silhouette.” It is short, falling about mid-thigh, but when has a short hemline ever stopped me before! The dress does not suffer from the loose button syndrome and its sleeveless sleeves are not an issue as I have thin lady arms. So the dress is a keeper and I hung it in my closet to wear in the near future.

The question is when is the “near future?”

I am still doing physical therapy with six more sessions approved by my health insurance, but I am very close to being ready to go out en femme. I am not high heel ready, but flats will work and I would like to go out about the time of my last physical therapy session.

Who knows? By then I may be high heel ready, but heels or flats, I’m going out and weather permitting, this confection from Venus will be what I will wear.

Wearing Roberto Cavalli

Femulating at Tuntenball

Say “Cheese”

How many crossdressers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three – One to climb the ladder to change the bulb, one to hold the ladder and one to photograph the event.

Whenever I am out en femme, I bug people – friends, acquaintances and strangers alike to take my photo. My excuse is “to feed the blog.”

You readers want to see photos of girls like us out doing things in public, so my reason for getting photographed is legitimate. But that is only part of it; there are other reasons.

I like to see how I look in the photograph. Does the outfit I put together look good together or did I err grievously in my fashion judgment?

Do I pass as a woman? At least, if I pass in the photograph that increases my chances of passing in public.

And when I am not en femme, I like to have a photo on hand of myself en femme to remind me of the good days. That is why I had a photo on my desk at work of myself en femme.

(It is funny how nobody ever commented about the photo on my desk at work. Frequently, visitors to my cubicle would look over my shoulder at that photo, which sat on the desk behind me, but no one ever said a word. I wish I could have read their minds.)

Wearing Rue La La

Glenn Tryon (left) femulating in the 1925 film Madame Sans Jane.

One Regret

One regret I have is that I did not come out of the closet sooner.

For about 60 years, I have explored the other side of the gender divide, but I have only been out of the closet for about 15 years.

During the first 40 years, my female presentation was limited to home, support group meetings and transgender conventions, which were all closets in one way or another. In my mind, I stepped out of the closet when I began doing outreach and flying solo in public as a woman. 

Once I was out of the closet, I realized that I should have gotten out sooner... much sooner. It was so wonderful to live as a woman and it was so much easier than I ever imagined. 

That's what kept me in the closet ― I thought it would be too hard, if not impossible to navigate society as a woman because I was too tall and that would give me away. But I was so wrong. Either I passed successfully as a woman or our society has become so nonchalant about dudes who dress like ladies, that no one minded me being their presence. Ether way, it was a win-win situation.

“Youth is wasted on the young” was so apropos in my case. I should have exited the closet and experienced the world as a woman much sooner. 

So I urge anyone who is on the fence to get off the fence. Sitting on the fence is not very comfortable, whereas living as a woman is the most comfortable place in the world to be.

Wearing Elbis NY

Femulators celebrating Carnival in Rio de Janeiro in 1913.

Worshipping as Women

Responding to my Whose Saree Now? post, Priya reminded me of the Kottankulangara Festival, an annual Hindu festival in Kerala, India, where over 5,000 men and boys irrespective of their religious faith dress as women and girls. The festival takes place at the Kottankulangara Devi temple at Chavara, Kerala, which is sacred to the goddess Bhagavathy. 

Every year this festival is celebrated on the 10th and 11th day of Meenam (mid-March). On the festival day, thousand of devotees visit the Temple to seek the blessings of the Goddess Bhagavathy. The men dress up in the female attire of their choice. Some wear Set sari, Pattu sari, half sari or even dance costumes.

While some of the devotees are dressed up by their female family members, there are a number of beauticians, makeup artists and clothiers around the temple, who charge between $6 and $26 for decking out the faithful. 

Priya sent me links to the following articles about the festival:

• The Kerala temple where thousands of men dress up like women every year
  
  
• At this Kerala temple, thousands of men dress up as women to get deity's blessings
  
  
• Worshipping as women: Check out this unique Kerala festival for men

And YouTube has a slew of videos related to the festival. This video, in particular, provides a sample of the excellent quality of the femulations by the festival attendees.

In India, the general public’s tolerance (or lack thereof) of crossdressing is about the same as in the USA. So I found it interesting that attendance at this festival en femme is so acceptable among the civilians. I guess the festival’s acceptance is due to its religious aspect. Even young boys are encouraged to crossdress when religion is involved!

And so it goes!

Wearing Mayloz

Men worshipping as women at India’s Kottankulangara Festival