Women and Their Crossdressers

In an age when gender roles are increasingly questioned and redefined, male crossdressing remains a subject that invites curiosity, confusion and conversation. While society slowly grows more accepting of gender nonconformity, personal relationships—especially with women—often reveal the most complex and emotionally nuanced responses. How do women really feel about men who wear traditionally feminine clothing? The answer is far from simple.

Love and Acceptance: “He’s Still the Same Person”

Many women react to a partner, friend or son’s crossdressing with love, empathy and even delight. For these women, crossdressing isn’t a threat—it’s a facet of identity that adds depth, vulnerability and authenticity.

“He trusted me enough to share something so personal. That kind of honesty only made me love him more,” says Megan, a 42-year-old teacher whose husband came out as a crossdresser after 10 years of marriage.

Some women find joy in exploring femininity together—sharing beauty routines, shopping for dresses or attending drag shows as a couple. To them, male crossdressing is not a deviation but a form of self-expression that challenges rigid norms in a healthy way.

Curiosity, Uncertainty, and the Search for Understanding

For others, the reaction is more tentative. These women aren’t necessarily opposed, but they wrestle with questions:

“Is he still attracted to women?”

“Is this just about clothing, or something deeper?”

“What does this mean for our intimacy?”

Women in this group may feel confused, worried about societal judgment or unsure how to talk about it with friends or children. Their feelings are often marked by a desire to understand, even if that understanding takes time.

“It didn’t bother me morally,” says Linda, 34, “but it was a shock. I had to grieve the version of my husband I thought I knew.”

Mixed Emotions in Romantic Relationships

Wives and girlfriends may feel particularly vulnerable when they discover a partner crossdresses—especially if it was hidden for years. Feelings of betrayal are common, not because of the crossdressing itself, but because of the secrecy.

Sexual attraction can also shift. Some women find their partner’s femininity erotic or endearing, while others struggle to reconcile it with their image of masculinity. This doesn’t make them intolerant—it often reflects deeply ingrained social cues about gender and desire.

“I don’t mind the clothes,” admits Sara, “but when he’s in a wig and heels, I don’t recognize the man I married. I’m still figuring out if I can be attracted to that version of him.”

Toleration with Boundaries

Some women adopt a “don’t ask, don’t tell” attitude. They may tolerate crossdressing as long as it’s private, infrequent or confined to certain contexts. These women may care deeply for their partner but draw boundaries based on their own comfort level or social concerns.

They might say:

“Just don’t do it around the kids.”

“You can dress at home, but not in public.”

“I need you to be my husband most of the time.”

This dynamic often reflects negotiation, not rejection. In many cases, these women are open to compromise but need time, space, or reassurance.

Disapproval and Rejection

Not all women are accepting. Some respond with shame, anger or outright rejection—particularly if they were raised in conservative or traditional cultures.

For them, crossdressing challenges core beliefs about masculinity, marriage and morality. They may feel their partner is “less of a man” or fear judgment from family and community.

In some cases, the relationship ends—not because of cruelty, but because the emotional gap becomes too wide to bridge.

“I couldn’t deal with it. I felt lied to, like everything we had was based on a false image,” says one anonymous ex-wife.

Mothers, Daughters, Sisters: Family Ties and Generational Shifts

Beyond romantic relationships, women also encounter crossdressing as mothers, daughters and sisters. Mothers, in particular, may struggle with a son’s crossdressing—torn between unconditional love and cultural expectations. Some become fierce protectors and allies. Others respond with denial, avoidance or confusion.

Generational attitudes play a huge role: younger women are more likely to embrace or celebrate gender nonconformity.

Daughters of crossdressing fathers often report a mix of embarrassment and eventual pride. Sisters might become confidantes or stylists. In many cases, women within families adjust over time—and sometimes become their loved one’s strongest source of support.

A Personal Journey for Every Woman

Women’s feelings about male crossdressers are shaped by deeply personal factors: upbringing, beliefs, past relationships and how crossdressing is introduced into their lives.

There is no single “correct” reaction—only honest, evolving ones. What’s most important is that these feelings be acknowledged, not dismissed and that both parties in any relationship—romantic or familial—have space for open, nonjudgmental conversation.

In a world where traditional gender roles are giving way to self-expression and authenticity, women’s responses to male crossdressing are more visible, nuanced and vital than ever.

Wearing Boston Proper

Harry McEntire femulating in the 2012 British film Unconditional Love.

Stuff 79: Why Go Out?

By J.J. Atwell

A twist on "why do we dress?”

I guess at one point we have all wondered why we dress. Following discussions online at several sites, I’ve never seen an answer that works for me. I usually just say I like the feeling of the clothes as the fact is that I enjoy it. Others will claim it’s a hormone imbalance in the womb. Others say there is a sexual thrill. There are many more theories as to why we dress. 

Today however, I’d like to address a slightly different question: why do we go out? Let’s think about that. 

The question came to me while I was out with the members of my CD group for a girls’ night out. We were at a restaurant that we’ve been to before and as I was sitting there looking at the other members I wondered just why we do this. No, not why we dress. Why we go out dressed.

It’s more than just the clothes

Many of us say we like the clothes. I’m good with that. Yes, it is fun to wear those pretty outfits. It’s a bit of a progression for many of us. Women’s clothing is made to fit the female shape. So we add feminine curves to make them hang right on our male frame. But we don’t stop there. We add wig and makeup because seeing a guy’s head on a woman’s body is incongruous. We also go further with the right accessories to complete the look. It seems to me that if it was “just the clothes” we wouldn’t go to all that extra trouble. But we do.

So here we are all dressed and enjoying ourselves at home. We should be satisfied, shouldn’t we be? We’re wearing the clothes and even went the extra step to complete the look. I suspect that many of Stana’s followers never get beyond the point of getting dressed and staying home. But here I am, along with other CDs, out in public rather than just staying home. Why?

I’ve got a couple of theories. One is that maybe it’s just too confining in our own home. Even if we aren’t just restricted to one room and can enjoy the whole house. We look outside and see the world out there. I remember Stana mentioning at one point that stepping out of the metaphorical closet shouldn’t mean trading up to a larger closet by going to known CD-friendly places. Instead we should break out of the closet and go out into real life situations. Perhaps that’s the reason many of us do it.

Another theory is that it’s a test to see how well we accomplish the transformation. We go to all the work to look good as women. Our mirror says we look good. Our pictures say we look good. Even the friends that know about us say we look good. But do we really look good enough to pass to the ordinary public? Should we look at his as being the ultimate test as to how well we accomplish our femme look? 

There are probably other reasons that haven’t occurred to me. I’d love to hear from other CDs as to why they go out. Please give this some thought as it relates to you. And please note that I’m a CD – not a woman trapped in a man’s body. So my point of view may be different from those who are considering transitioning. 

I’ll be back

I welcome comments and suggestions here on Stana’s page or by email at Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com.

Wearing Boston Proper

Aleksandr Revva femulating in the Russian film Naughty Grandma 3.

Past Lives

Some crossdressers believe they were female in a past life—a belief that blends gender identity, spiritual tradition, and personal intuition. While not universal, this idea is meaningful for those who feel a deep, inexplicable connection to femininity that they say goes beyond psychology or social influence.

Spiritual and Metaphysical Foundations

Many of these beliefs stem from spiritual systems that accept reincarnation or past-life memory, such as:

Hinduism and Buddhism, where the soul is believed to reincarnate across lifetimes, potentially changing gender with each cycle.

New Age spirituality, where regression therapy, hypnosis, or meditative journeys are used to "uncover" past lives.

Western esotericism, which often includes ideas of soul essence transcending gender.

In this context, a crossdresser might say, “I don't dress like a woman because I want to be one—I'm remembering who I was.”

Psychological Resonance

Some crossdressers report that feminine behavior, clothing and social roles feel instantly familiar, comforting or even inevitable, as if they are returning to something already known.

They may:

Gravitate toward vintage styles from specific eras (e.g., 1940s housewives, Victorian ladies) they have no personal experience of.

Feel distress or confusion living as male, which lessens when presenting femininely—seen not as a fetish, but as alignment with their “true” past self.

Report childhood dreams or vivid fantasies that feel more like memories than imagination.

Expression Through Crossdressing

For these individuals, crossdressing is not merely about gender play or sexual excitement—it’s a spiritual or emotional homecoming.

They might:

Create a female persona that they believe mirrors their former self.

Talk about “her” in third person while still embodying her through dress and behavior.

Feel peaceful or complete only when living in sync with this past-life identity.

Crossdressing, then, becomes a kind of soul retrieval or incarnation echo—a way of honoring a former existence.

Criticisms and Cautions

Not everyone embraces these beliefs and even within crossdressing and trans communities, such claims can be met with skepticism. Critics point out:

The difficulty of verifying past lives,

The possibility of romanticizing femininity as an escape,

Or the use of metaphysical language to rationalize crossdressing without confronting present-life gender issues.

That said, for many who feel deeply called to femininity, believing in a past-life identity offers validation and comfort, particularly if their current life restricts full gender expression.

Wearing Paige

Tommy Scott femulating in Space's music video for “Begin Again.”
Click here to view this video on YouTube.

Our Culture

The culture around femulating is rich, affirming and evolving—a vibrant intersection of gender expression, personal identity and community. Unlike casual crossdressing or drag performance, femulating represents a lifestyle and mindset where male-bodied individuals present and live as women in everyday settings, sometimes part-time, sometimes full-time.

Here’s a breakdown of the cultural elements surrounding femulating.

Aspirational Femininity

Femulating isn’t just about putting on clothes—it’s about emulating womanhood as completely as possible. This includes:

    Feminine gestures, posture and vocal tone

    Wearing age-appropriate women’s clothing, often business or social attire

    Adopting traditionally female hobbies, roles and social behaviors

    Using female names and pronouns during presentation

Rather than parody or exaggeration (like drag), it aims for realistic and respectful embodiment.

Everyday Womanhood

Femulators often integrate into daily life as women—shopping, dining out, traveling, attending church or work (when possible). It’s a way of life that affirms:

    Confidence: “Going out en femme” is a personal triumph over fear.

    Validation: Positive public interactions help reinforce the identity.

    Routine: Makeup, hair and feminine dress become habitual rather than special-occasion.

Femulating can transform from “crossdressing” into just dressing.

Learning and Mentorship

Femulators often learn from:

    Other femulators, especially older ones who’ve paved the way

    Online resources: blogs, YouTube tutorials, makeover studios

    Historical inspiration: Classic film stars (e.g., Joan Crawford, Grace Kelly) are icons

    Trial and error: Mistakes in appearance or voice become lessons in the journey

There’s an oral and visual tradition of transformation tips, often generously shared.

Community

Femulating thrives in supportive peer groups, both online and in-person.

    Meetups: Formal events like Fantasia Fair or Esprit or informal dinners or teas

    Online forums: Reddit’s r/crossdressing, TransPulse, or blogs like Femulate.org

    Social media: Many femulators post selfies, routines, and “out and about” photos

These communities offer affirmation, feedback, and connection—crucial for confidence.

Intersection with Identity

While not all femulators identify as transgender, the line between femulating and transitioning is often porous.

    Some femulators eventually come out as trans women

    Others view it as a dual-gender lifestyle

    Some are heterosexual males expressing a profound feminine side without altering gender     identity

There’s space for ambiguity and self-definition.

Fashion and Ritual

Femulating carries its own aesthetic culture.

    Office lady chic, classic skirt-suits, hosiery and heels are mainstays

    Many embrace “mature femininity” modeling after stylish middle-aged women

    Lingerie, shapewear and the ritual of dressing are central to the experience

    Shopping (especially in person) becomes a rite of passage

Femulating isn’t just a look—it’s a performance of grace, often tied to nostalgia for “ladylike” elegance.

Philosophy and Meaning

Many femulators describe the practice as:

    Spiritually centering or emotionally soothing

    A liberation from rigid masculinity

    A way to connect with empathy, softness, and beauty

    An act of gender defiance or private truth-telling

Some find deep peace and authenticity when they’re in femme mode, even if only temporarily.

And so it goes.

Source: Rent the Runway

Libor Landa femulating in the Czech Republic film Kamenak.

Stana Short

Short hemlines are synonymous with crossdressers for a few interrelated cultural, psychological and historical reasons.

Hyperfeminization

Crossdressers often aim to emphasize femininity, sometimes in exaggerated or idealized ways. Short skirts, high heels and revealing clothing are stereotypically feminine and have long been seen as bold symbols of womanhood.

Short hemlines equals instant visual femininity. A mini skirt leaves no ambiguity—it screams “female presentation” in a way jeans or modest dresses don't.

Sexual Expression and Taboo

For many crossdressers, dressing is tied to exploration fantasy, and sometimes eroticism. Short skirts play into this:

Tantalizing and transgressive

Wearing a short skirt, especially as a man socialized under traditional norms, feels daring and taboo—adding to the thrill.

Visibility and display

A short hem makes the transformation more obvious, almost performative.

Media and Pop Culture Influence

Crossdressers in films, drag shows and viral videos are often shown in ultra-feminine outfits—tight, short and eye-catching. Think: Tootsie, RuPaul’s Drag Race, Halloween costumes or drag brunches.

These depictions shape public and private imagination about “what crossdressing looks like.”

Affirmation and Identity

A short skirt may feel like a badge of courage, especially for someone asserting a non-masculine identity in a society that polices male dress:

“If I can wear this, I can wear anything.”

The exposure is both literal and metaphorical—revealing and affirming.

Missed Youth / Fashion Catch-Up

Some crossdressers begin dressing later in life, having been denied the chance to wear what girls wore as teens or young women. Mini skirts are often seen as “young girl clothes”—so some crossdressers are, in a sense, dressing their inner teenager. It’s a way of reclaiming missed experiences or indulging in a “second adolescence.”

Visibility Within the Community

Within crossdressing spaces—support groups, meetups, online communities—short skirts are part of a shared visual language. They signal membership, boldness, and pride.

“If you’ve got the legs for it… flaunt it.”

This Girl Can’t Help It!

Some if not all of the preceding reasons can apply to me, but the main reason my hemlines are too short is that my legs are too long! At my height, hemlines that are supposed to fall at the knee, fall above the knee on me. Similarly, dresses with hemlines above the knee are mid-thigh on me or “Stana Short.”

Yes, they do sell clothing for tall women, but the selection is limited and the styles are not my style. On the other hand, the styles at the middle of the height spectrum are limitless. This girl can always find something she likes and just has to endure a shorter than normal hemline (wink, wink).

Wearing Alice + Olivia

Sid Silvers femulating in the film Broadway Melody of 1936.

Someday Funnies - 3/1/25

Boys or Girls?

Love is not always a two-way street!

I love wearing high heels, but some high heels don’t love me. So I asked Google AI how to prepare my feet for my next pair of pumps. Here is what Google offered on the subject.

To prepare your feet for high heels, ensure your toenails are trimmed properly, address any foot issues like bunions or callouses, wear comfortable flat shoes beforehand, stretch your feet regularly, consider using shoe stretchers to widen the fit, opt for heels with a thicker base for stability and always break in new heels before wearing them for extended periods. 

Key steps:

Foot care: Trim toenails, treat any ingrown nails and remove calluses or corns. 

Pre-wearing routine: Wear comfortable flat shoes for a while before putting on heels. 

Stretching exercises: Perform foot stretches to improve flexibility and range of motion. 

Choose the right heels: Opt for heels with a thicker base for better balance and stability. 

Shoe fitting: Ensure the heels fit properly and aren’t too tight. 

Shoe stretchers: Use shoe stretchers to widen the shoe if necessary. 

Break-in period: Wear new heels for short periods at first to gradually adjust your feet. 

Insoles and cushions: Consider adding insoles or heel cushions for extra comfort.

Having worn high heels for over 60 years, I knew most of what the AI recommended, but I did learn a thing or two, too. 

Wearing Sachin & Babi

Suzy née Eddie Izzard

Jueves en la Casa

Kandi Robbins’ boudoir photoshoot will run Mondays for the next few weeks on her blog Kandis Land, so be sure to check it out. It should be fabulous!

👠👠👠

Suzanne asked how do I remove arm hair? 

Mechanically or chemically was my response. 

Mechanically, I use Philips Norelco Bodygroom electric trimmer. It does a good job on my arms, as well as my armpits, back, breasts, legs and even my nether reaches. However, it is not intended for the face or neck. (I took Philips word for it and never tried using it on my face or neck).

Chemically, I use Nair or Veet, but prefer the electric razor because there are certain body parts, my armpits for example, that Nair/Veet will burn. And if I am using Nair/Veet on my arms, it is easy to mistakenly slop some chemical on my pits and it will burn if I don't remove it fas enough. But everybody’s different, so your mileage may vary.

👠👠👠

“We can all fight back against Donald Trump’s anti-trans onslaught in our own ways” is an excellent article by Faefyx Collington that appeared at LBGTQNation earlier this week. Subtitled “People are fighting back in major ways already, but trans people don't all have to be activists to justify their existence,” I highly recommend Collington’s piece for all Femulate readers. Click here to read it.

Wearing Bebe

Out and about, the always lovely Hannah McKnight.

Tapestry of Transformation: A Look Back at the Birth of Our Community

By Paula Gaikowski (paula.gaikowski@gmail.com)

One of the most common experiences shared by transgender individuals is a profound sense of isolation and aloneness, the feeling that you’re the only one like this. These feelings, often experienced in younger years, were something I guarded closely throughout my youth in the 60s and 70s. As I moved into young adulthood, I began a quest for answers. Why was I like this? Were there others like me?

My search led me from academic libraries to adult bookstores and magazine shops, anywhere I thought I might find a clue. It was in one of these searches that I stumbled upon an advertisement for the International Foundation for Gender Education (IFGE) in Massachusetts. Intrigued, I delved deeper and discovered the Tiffany Club, another organization based in the Boston suburbs. Both were beacons of hope in a time of profound isolation.

The IFGE published a magazine called Tapestry. Whenever I could find it – sometimes in an airport or on a New York newsstand – I would buy a copy, often an outdated issue, and devour its articles. It was a lifeline, a connection to others like me, a burgeoning community.

As fate would have it, my career eventually took me to the Boston area where my company was headquartered. I remember making my first trip to Waltham, my destination: Vernon’s Boutique on Moody Street. This shop catered to the transgender community. Just down the block was the headquarters of the IFGE. This small corner of the world was the seed from which the first national exposure and voice of our community grew.

In my opinion, this area, this collection of individuals and organizations, represents something akin to our Stonewall. It was the beginning of our organized movement. I had intended to write an article about this pivotal moment, but I recently came across a comprehensive piece online. It’s a long read, perhaps 40 minutes or so, but I believe it’s worth your time. It chronicles the rise of this community, what remains of it today, and the struggles, sacrifices and triumphs of the individuals who built it. It details what these pioneers went through to create the community we have today.

I urge you to read it and consider its implications, especially in light of the current political climate. Who knows what the future holds for our community? Understanding our past is crucial to navigating our future.

(Click here to read the article.)

Wearing Rene Ruiz

Glamorous fabulous femulators