Variations on a Theme

Wearing Lulus

George Hamilton femulating in the 1981 film Zorro: The Gay Blade.

What Beauty Costs Us

By Monika Kowalska

Some mornings, I stare into the mirror like it’s a judgmental aunt at a family wedding, silently assessing, slightly disappointed and definitely wondering why I didn’t try harder. Other mornings, it’s worse, I am that aunt.

Welcome to the relentless pressure of unrealistic beauty standards. A world where even the slightest imperfection is considered unacceptable, where every flaw is magnified and where a woman’s worth is often measured by her appearance. It feels as though we are constantly competing with an ideal that is unattainable and the most frustrating part is that beauty is not a finish line. It’s a moving target. The moment you get close, the rules change. Now it’s fuller lips. Now it’s a tiny nose. Now it’s not just your weight but the ratio of your waist to your hips. Now it’s “natural beauty,” but only if it looks like the perfectly curated, no-makeup-makeup look that still requires a team of professionals and 90 minutes of effort.

It’s exhausting.

And here’s the part no one tells you: this fear doesn’t discriminate. It affects women across the spectrum, whether cisgender, transgender or crossdresser. That quiet, gnawing anxiety about not being “enough” is a language too many of us speak fluently. It unites us in our secret rituals of camouflage and comparison, in our longing to be accepted just as we are.

But something beautiful happens when you start looking around instead of just into the mirror. Let me tell you about my friends.

My best cis girlfriend is curvy. Yes, too curvy… and utterly fabulous. She couldn’t care less about dieting, calorie-counting or hiding her body under layers of shame. She wears bright colors, dramatic eyeliner and leopard print like she’s the main character in a glam rock musical, because she is. She loves her body as it is and watching her glow with confidence has been like a masterclass in self-acceptance.

Then there's another cis friend of mine. She could be a very cute lady, she has kind eyes, a lovely smile, a natural elegance about her. But she’s given up. Somewhere along the way, the beauty race wore her down. She no longer bothers with clothes or makeup or even a comb most days. Not because she’s lazy, but because the pressure crushed the joy out of it. And that’s just as heartbreaking. When beauty becomes a battlefield, sometimes people just stop fighting.

And then there’s my trans sister-in-arms. She never tires of trying. She’ll spend hours perfecting her eyeliner, researching skincare routines, curating a wardrobe that sings with elegance and color. She tries, not because someone told her to, but because it brings her joy, because beauty is her rebellion, her poetry, her triumph. Her reflection is not just a face, it’s a victory.

So what’s the common thread? It’s not body type, age, money or hormones. It’s the mind. That’s the secret no mirror can show you.

Because the truth is, beauty is a choice, not in the sense of foundation or fashion, but in how we choose to see ourselves. Whether you’re painting your eyelids with glitter, marching in sweatpants or dancing in a dress that hugs your every curve, beauty starts with believing that you are worthy of it. Let’s look in the mirror, not for faults, but for proof of life, courage and resilience. Because beauty isn’t about looking a certain way. It’s about seeing yourself clearly and still choosing to love what you see.

Wearing Boston Proper

Ronnie Corbett and Ronnie Barker on British television’s The Two Ronnies  

Stuff 66: Shopping*

By J.J. Atwell

How do you shop?

Today, I’d like to write about shopping. 

Shopping for girl things is one of my favorite pastimes. Being retired, I have a lot of time available to shop online. So I do that pretty frequently. 

I also enjoy shopping in person but I fear that the retailers are buying for a much different customer than JJ. Or even a GG of my generation. I often see things on the racks that are just plain ugly to my eyes. It makes me wonder just who is the target audience. 

What to look for?

When you shop, do you just browse looking for anything that strikes your fancy? Or do you go shopping looking for a specific item? Perhaps a skirt to go with that nice top? Shoes to give the right touch to the outfit? Or at least, fit well enough to wear all night? Maybe you saw a woman wearing an outfit you thought would look cute on you?

When I shop, I usually have a thought in my mind about what I need to complement a particular item in my wardrobe. But I also keep an eye out for things that simply attract my attention. It can be difficult to find the right piece to complement something you already have. I try to have a picture of the piece I’m trying to pair with since I often have difficulty judging if the color or pattern will go with. It’s also important to be able to return the item. Otherwise, you will be shopping for another item to match the one that didn’t work. Things like that make it harder to jam more stuff into your closet, which is maybe not a bad thing. 

No AI

Just a comment that has nothing to do with the overall topic of this edition of Stuff. I’m usually an early adopter of new technology, but I do not use AI when writing Stuff. Yes, I’ve experimented with it but I’ve never been happy with the results. I’ve always felt that my own words are the best way to convey my thoughts. So what you are reading here is straight from my mind to the keyboard. I offer no excuses.

I’ll be back

Yes, I’ll be shopping but in the mean time the real me will also be finding more Stuff to write about. I welcome comments and suggestions here on Stana’s page or by email at Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com.

* Editor’s Note: I erred last week and posted Stuff 67 ahead of today’s post, Stuff 66. Sorry about that.

Wearing Elágia

Paco León femulating on Mexican television’s La Casa de las Flores.

It's a little secret, just the Robinsons' affair

 

Wearing Boston Proper

 George O'Hanlon, Jr. femulating in television’s The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries.

Going to the Prom

It is prom season, a time when many a young femulator’s heart is all a flutter thinking about the pretty prom gowns he won’t be able to wear to his high school’s spring formal.

In high school, I did not date much. I interacted easily with girls on a day-to-day basis, but when it came to dating, I did not interact successfully.

Looking back, I realize that interacting with girls was easy because I was feminine. However, dating girls was difficult because I had to act like a male and that was so foreign to me that I was lousy at it.

When I attended my high school’s prom, my sister had to set me up with her best friend as my date. That date went fine because I already knew my sister’s friend well; it was as if we were two girls out on a date. The only problem was that one girl had to dress like a boy. I wore a white tux and that was probably a good thing because back then, I was about 50 pounds heavier than I am now. Squeezing into a prom gown would not have been a pretty sight, but I am sure my mother would have sewn me something dreamy to wear and would have had me fitted with the proper foundation garments so that I would be voluptuous in her creation. Of course, it did not happen, but I dreamed about it nonetheless.

Times have changed. As Ray Davies once sang, “Boys will be girls and girls will be boys” and today, at some of the more progressive schools in our nation, girls do wear tuxedos to proms and boys do wear gowns.

Lucky kids!

Richard Gibson (left) femulating in British television’s 'Allo 'Allo! 

My Favorite Things Come in Pairs

The first item of women's clothing I ever wore were a pair of my mother's nylon stockings. I recall looking in the floor-length mirror mounted on the inside of her closet door and admiring my pre-puberty hairless legs believing that they looked just like women's legs!

With my mother's closet door wide open, I noticed the stack of shoe boxes on the closet floor and I suddenly felt motivated to try on a pair of her high heel pumps. I opened a random box and found a pair in a floral fabric with a 3-inch heel. I slipped on the heels and they fit perfectly.

I looked in the mirror and the combination of nylons and high heels was exhilarating! Not only did my legs look like women's legs, but now they looked shapely and sexy, too!

I have been a big fan of high heels ever since. When en femme, I seldom wear anything else on my feet. Unless the occasion absolutely screams for flats, I wear heels.

Once upon a time, I thought that at 6-feet-2, wearing heels would make it more difficult to pass. But I came to the realization that if I can pass at 6-foot-2 wearing flats, then I can pass at 6-foot-6 wearing 4-inch heels.

I love wearing heels. They make my legs look more shapely and more importantly, I feel more feminine, more lady-like wearing heels. I know it’s my late-1950s/early-1960s socialization that makes me feel this way, but that's me and I'm not changing shoe styles at this late date.

Genetic females often compliment me about my proficiency in walking in heels and ask if it was difficult learning how. Truth is that I took to heels like Daisy Duck took to heels.

As a child, my mother often mentioned that I walked on my tiptoes. I assumed that walking on my tiptoes was not the way a male was supposed to walk, but nobody ever taught me the “correct” way to walk. So I took the path of least resistance and continued to walk on my tiptoes.

I believe that my penchant for walking on my tiptoes made walking in high heels a natural thing to do. True or not, from day one, I never had a problem walking in heels.

Heels hurt. I have high heels that begin hurting as soon as I slipped them on and I have heels that I can wear all day with little or no pain. I discovered that the height of the heel is not critical as far as pain is concerned. Some of my most comfortable shoes have 4-inch stiletto heels. Go figure!

Wearing heels makes my femulation complete. Despite the pain, I will never give up wearing heels; you will have to remove my high heels from my cold, dead feet.

Wearing Ann Taylor

Jeremy Lloyd descends the staircase in the fabulous drag ball scene from the 1971 British film Lady Chatterly Versus Fanny Hill also known as The Games Lovers Play.

Power Suit

“Power Suit”

It is so much easier to shop for things when in girl mode.
You have your shapewear strategically in place, so you know how the item will fit when you try it on and you are in makeup and wearing a do, so you know how the item will look on madam.

Yes, shopping in girl mode is so much easier… even if you are not shopping for girly things! Like the time I visited a Lowe’s home improvement store in girl mode to get a replacement part for a piece of plumbing that failed. I had no trepidation about going to Lowe’s in my “power suit” and I found my trip very revealing.

My “power suit” is not a jacket and matching pencil skirt. My power suit consists of any skirt or dress with a hem above the knee (“Stana Short”) and high heel pumps with a three-inch or higher heel.)

Whenever I go to Lowe’s or Home Depot in boy mode, I have to find and ask a store employee when I need help. In my power suit, I had a male Lowe’s employee practically at my beck and call without asking. 

When he saw me looking lost in the plumbing department, he asked what I needed and directed me to the exact location where the part was displayed. After I found what I needed, he came over and compared it to the old part I had brought along to make sure I got the right part.

That's the power of a short skirt and high heels!

In addition to wielding the power of wearing a short skirt and high heels in a home improvement store, I discovered that combination works in other places, too. When I spent a long weekend in Manhattan, a short hemline and heels sure came in handy when hailing a taxi cab. I never failed to nab the first cab I hailed when I was wearing my power suit.

My power suit is more than adequate to gain the upper hand over the male sex. Dressed so, I can wrap a male around my little finger. Even males who are aware of my birth gender have fallen under my power. It is so easy! I don’t even have to think about unleashing the power because males usually succumb to it automatically.

Women are the stronger sex, but we play along that we are the fairer sex because along with our uniforms, it is part of our strategy to have our way with the real weaker sex.

Wearing Shein

Eva Cado AKA Antoni Porowski

Going Places En Femme

By Franziska

My first modern days day out and about was in January 2013. Granted, I had been out dressed en femme a few times before – in my student days to be precise – but nowadays I cringe at the thought of how I was dressed and how I must have looked.

Starting in 2013, somewhere in my 40s, I was venturing out in public en femme in Frankfurt about once a month and as my skills and comfort level grew, I added challenges and activities, such as taking the subway, taking the train, having lunch, having dinner, going to the movies, visiting a theater or a museum, etc. 

It has always been my ambition to pass, to blend in, to be perceived as a woman doing things women tend to do. At one point, I occasionally started to visit neighboring cities by train or car. All these activities had in common that they – in case of an emergency – would allow me to return to the safety of our home very quickly (running, by taxi or otherwise). The number of scenarios you can come up with in your head, which you think you should return home as quickly as possible is large: lost or stolen handbag, sickness, accident, ruined wig, someone reading and pestering you, someone reporting you to the police, etc., etc., etc.

The much greater challenge – and even more crossdressing fun – starts when there is no quick and easy way out and you’d have to face the situation as is. This is what I was seeking when I started to take weekend trips crossdressed in 2022. Why would I want to do that? Because I like to challenge myself, I like to take risks, calculated risks and I like to expand my crossdressing skills.

How easy would it be to put on some lingerie, to hang out at home, to loll on the sofa, to watch TV and to enjoy a drink and a bag of chips. Very easy. Procrastination, however, only leads to degradation and decline. Not cool!

On the other hand, being proactive, challenging yourself, and taking risks, helps you grow in many ways. It enhances your problem-solving skills. Even better, it teaches you to identify potential problems at a much earlier stage. It creates new experiences and new opportunities; it expands your horizon, and it enriches your life. Taking risks and successfully navigating their potentially negative impact helps you to accomplish possibly unforeseen dreams and aspirations, it helps you adapt to changing circumstances, to build resistance and it reinforces and boosts both your self-confidence and your belief in your own abilities. Very cool!

Just make sure to start out with a plan. Make sure to set clear goals, to outline your steps and to make informed decisions. Put in some work to assess the desired benefits and the potential drawbacks of the risks you take. And most important of all, stay flexible, adapt to changing circumstances and adjust your plans as needed.

Crossdressing in public offers all of that to you, combined with all the fun you can have being out and about en femme.

Between the summer of 2022 and summer of 2024, I took four weekend trips crossdressed, from Frankfurt to Stuttgart, to Munich, to Cologne and to Düsseldorf. With one exception, they were door-to-door all-en femme activities, which means I leave home en femme with a big suitcase and a handbag, I present as a woman 100% of the time and I do not bring any male apparel with me. I travel using public transport only: walking to the bus stop, bus to subway, subway to central station, ICE high-speed train to my destination and taxi to my hotel. I wear a different and suitable outfit with each activity, which means five to six in total during a weekend trip and I deliberately vary my style: short and long dress, short and long skirt, pants and jumpsuits, sneakers, flats, sandals (if the weather allows) and pumps. 

When I start to plan such a trip, I first write up a little synopsis: idea and concept of the trip, location, sights, agenda, things I want to achieve or buy, challenges I want to address or master.

Taking a weekend trip en femme takes some thought-through preparation.

Things to start out with: bookings and reservations, such as hotel, train, theater

Things to do well in advance: wig selected and dropped off for grooming and styling

Things to do the week before: all outfits selected and put together, including shoes, scarfs, jackets, coats, handbags (day, evening, clutch), haircut, waxing, toenails polished

Selecting things not to forget to bring along: shapewear, nightwear, shaving equipment, make-up, (emergency) spare wig, glasses, sunglasses, jewelry, cellular phone with pink cover, camera, cash, credit cards, ID!

And things to do the evening before: fingernails manicured and polished, eyebrows styled, nose hair cut, ear hair plucked 

I take Friday off to have enough time to get myself ready and to pack my suitcase, take some pictures at home, take a deep breath and off I go.

You can find stories and pictures to these four trips and to all of Franziska’s single days out-and-about since 2018 on my blog at https://franziska-out-and-about.blogspot.com. Reporting on my weekend trips crossdressed typically starts with an announcement and a photo collage, likes the one in this posting, followed by one or two posting(s) per outfit with pictures including descriptions of locations and events, some trivia or historical background, but also brief reports on encounters and new experiences. 

These trips are the highlights in my “career” as a crossdresser. And so far, all of these weekend trips have been wonderful, uplifting, engaging, and fun experiences, and none of them has gone awry. They leave me with an indescribable sense of achievement. 

The next trip is booked already for May 2025 and the following one is envisioned for Fall 2025. And at one point, I might have to leave Germany for new challenges. I might have to face the challenge of flying en femme and in the end, these trips might have to be for longer than just a weekend. I’ll keep you posted (no pun intended).

Wearing Bebe

Sorelle Marinetti (the Marinetti sisters) is the name of an Italian swing singer trio starring three males singers in travesti fashion. Their names are Scintilla, Elica and Turbina Marinetti (respectively Marco Lugli, Matteo Minerva and Nicola Olivieri) (source: Wikipedia)

Kia Ora from New Zealand

By Jane

As a daily visitor to Stana’s blog and having been honored to have my photo shown in the Femulator spot a couple of times, I thought I would write a small article on another milestone for me.

I am a regular blood donor and have done this pretty much every three months for the past 40 years. Last week was my duly selected appointment time, so I arranged to work from home for the day. For a long time now, I had been toying with the idea as going as Jane, but had never had the courage to do so.

The night before I was sitting around watching television and had a great internal discussion with myself about doing the donation as Jane. In the end, a Jane trip won out. After that decision, it was what to wear. I wanted to look well-presented and be comfortable. After about half an hour, the decision on the plain white t-shirt and camel corduroy skirt won out – mainly due to needing to have a shorter sleeve that wasn’t elasticated for the donation.

Morning rolled around, so I arose and got dressed. Had my breakfast and nearly chickened out because I was so, so nervous and stressed about it. I dithered around and then basically ran out of time to clean up and change back into my boy mode, so I was committed – into the car and off to the donation center.

After arriving there, I sat in the car outside for a few minutes to settle my nerves. I almost backed out, but I didn’t. So jump out of the car, grab my handbag and go into the center. There were a couple of people there, but it was not too busy. I handed over my donor card for scanning and they usually ask for full name, DOB and address. The receptionist looked at me and just asked for my DOB and address, which I thought was nice. With that confirmed she printed off the health questionnaire for me to fill in.

Once I had filled the form, it was back to the reception and my form went to a nurse as per usual. Off into a little office we go to go over the health and travel questions. Of course she asked for my full name, etc. The nurse never blinked an eye at my male name and just carried on with the process. 

Next came the hemoglobin check to make sure there is enough iron in the blood. As I am on blood pressure medicine, they have to take my blood pressure before I donate to make sure that it is not outside of the acceptable range. As you can imagine it was quite high with my nerves and at the top of the limit. The nurse asked me if I was feeling all right or anything that would cause the pressure to be high. I said to her that I was a bit stressed and nervous about being dressed the way I was. Her reply, “OK, that makes sense. As long as you feel OK that’s fine,” and she carried on.

From there it was out to the area where the donations for blood and plasma are carried out. And again, after being seated as per the process the nurse there asks for full name, DOB, etc., just to make sure I am who I say I am. There were a couple of other people there donating plasma, a few nurses and no strange looks or comments. On with the donation process...

While there being drained, the nurses, other donors and I were just chatting away as you do (all women). Discussing what was being shown on the breakfast TV, weather, what we were all planning to do on the weekend, etc. It was just a natural free-flowing conversation between women as they tend to do. I asked one of the nurses if she would take my picture, which she was glad to do. Joked a bit about photo-bombing me and being in the pictures too.

Once the donation was complete, I sat in the rest area with an orange juice and some biscuits and chatted with the receptionist. From there, I went back to my car and let out a huge sigh of relief that it had gone so well and being dressed as Jane was an absolute non-issue. Feeling absolutely happy, I headed back home via my local café for a coffee and then to work for the rest of the day. 

I did find it a little difficult getting into my work with the smile on my face and warm happy feeling, but I managed to do so. I did pop out to my local garden center for a light lunch (a girl has to watch her figure) and sitting amongst the other patrons was no issue or funny looks.

That is another tick of the old bucket list of things to do and places to go dressed. I am sure I will do it again.

Wearing Shein

John Barrowman femulating in La Cage Aux Folles on the British stage.

Stuff 67: Command the Room

By J.J. Atwell

Going forth

One of the members of my local group is really good at pulling together outfits that attract attention. I envy her because I’m basically the type that wants to blend into the background. But this member always shows off amazing cleavage, wears really long lashes, big hair, tall heels. Her outfits are always glittery and spectacular. 

How much is too much?

There is a school of thought that goes, “if some is good and more is better then too much is just enough.” Whoever said that might have been talking about drag queens. Knowing where to draw the line is hard for women because of all the options they have. It’s even harder for those of us who only get to dress occasionally since we don’t really have life experience in pulling our outfits together. Perhaps with time we will arrive at “just enough.”

Wear it with confidence

Whatever you decide to wear, once you have it on it’s time to show off. After all, you didn’t just get all dressed up to stay in the closet, did you? Well, OK so some of you do. Whichever you do, enjoy yourselves! 

But while you are dressed up, be it in your own house or out in the world, I encourage you to just do it. Don’t slink around like you’re afraid somebody will recognize you. That actually draws more attention than just being yourself as you go about your business. Go out with your head high and be “natural.” 

I’ll be back

As always, comments are welcome either here on the blog or by email to Jenn6nov at-sign gmail dot com. JJ is always looking for more stuff, so if there is something you would like to read about please let me know!

Wearing Cynthia Rowley

Gerard McCarthy femulating on British television’s Hollyoaks.